Personal Journey

Nice shits make me curious.

Nice shits make me curious.

I remember the first time I noticed the quality of my shits. It was a few weeks after I started taking my prescription paxil. My shits were noticeably better. Consistent and the pinch was perfect almost every time. That meant the wipes were better. Since that time I've started noticing my shits and the color and the consistency and the pinch....

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I wonder why I screw up so often

I wonder why I screw up so often

It's weird. I don't try and make mistakes but I do. More than the average I suspect. Today's a good example. I just finished the 620 feeding of the pig where the chickens get a little bit of bread just to stay away whe the pig eats. As I sit down in my bed afterwards, deciding what they're going to watch TV or not, I realized that it's not yet...

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4:20 Blog

4:20 Blog

The time is a coincidence and I used it as a title instead of the title I had in mind all weekend. The Sleepend. I'm still not sure which one I prefer but spell check certainly prefers the one that's a real word. Actually a 420 isn't a word of course. I'm sleepy. This is an expected side effect of not doing a drug that normally keeps you awake. I...

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Good Good Morning.

Good Good Morning.

I was woken out of an awesome long story dream by my alarm at 7am. This is an amazing first. I didn't look at what time it was that I was last awake to pee but my first really good long story dream that kept me asleep until the alarm is a new or at least new in the last three years experience. I remember a great deal of the dream although that...

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Sad & Worried -and scared

Sad & Worried -and scared

A flurry of emotions runs through me every time one of the indoor cats gets outdoors. Today it was extra sneaky and I couldn't avoid it. I tried my best but the big fat cat got out. I'm told not to worry as he gets out often and always comes back but lately he's been picking a fight or something with the neighbors. The other two cats get outside...

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Food addiction

Food addiction

I just ordered a hamburger without even thinking about it. I knew I had enough money to cover that hamburger despite the fact that I don't have enough money to pay the rest of my bills this month. Does that make hamburgers similar to drug addictions? I just did it. It was instinct. Now that it's being delivered, I regret it. I shouldn't have done...

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Friday. Stressful anticipation. (Updated)

Friday. Stressful anticipation. (Updated)

I messed up in a big way, and I'm going to pile lies on top of lies to get into less trouble - I hope. There are a few major things I do wrong and against the rules while living here. Three big ones that could get me evicted without trial. I am currently waiting for the phone call about one of them. I broke a huge rule that creates a level of...

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The way life works

The way life works

I've experienced it before. You probably have too. One of those phases of life when you feel the rut more than yesterday. More of the same. The loop of Thursday, although it can be any day. Another day of waking up, doing my chores, feeling like I want to go back to bed, doing my chores etc. It's life, but not so much living. Nothing new and...

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Synchronizing Groceries. New life skill.

Synchronizing Groceries. New life skill.

During the last couple of weeks I have made some judgment errors in my grocery purchases. I have found myself either with not enough bagels and bread to satisfy the amount of meat I have, or I have found myself with too many bagels and meat that has expired while I wasn't looking. I used to buy about four or five different types of lunch meat and...

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Saturday Pros & Cons

Saturday Pros & Cons

I got to sleep in. I didn't of course because I'm still on this weird routine of waking up every hour. I do so with surprising accuracy, often to the same minute of each hour. I am sleeping deeply when I do sleep. I got to detox. That lasted only till 9:45am when I was too tired to do anything. I'm admitting my reliance on meth freely. It keeps...

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The fridge inventory

The fridge inventory

Only one water before bed is very bad planning. It has to last me till he's asleep enough not to be disturbed by my door noises, walk downstairs, refilling the other 8 water bottles I usually life to keep on the fridge before bed. Especially during this heat wave and humidity issue. Because of my dehydration I've been drinking extra water but I'm...

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Fail two was quite bad

Fail two was quite bad

I'm not going to get away without a lecture on this one. I smashed a large pane of glass on his door where the dogs sleep. A lot of glass to sweep up and double check and some pretty deep injuries but I'm glad they seem to have stuffed bleeding. [video src="https://orangeshirtblogs.com/wp-content/uploads/B612_20220822_074155_581.mp4"...

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Sleep may be especially tough tonight…

Sleep may be especially tough tonight…

It was a hot one today. Especially so inside the 10x12 bedroom I call home. It's not well ventilated and due to curious cats, I don't get to leave my door open more than a crack. Usually I leave it closed so I am less disturbed by noises on the other side of the door and they hear less of me as well. I have finally managed to get the old air...

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Sunday

Sunday

Every once in a while people shock me and do something I've been trying to do for a long time. In the spring, before the summer heat began, we moved an old weird ass air conditioner into my room. I couldn't get the jammed old wooden window open, so I just gave up on it. That seems to be my thing. I try a few times a few different ways and then I...

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Sunday life update

Sunday life update

As of 3:30 this morning, there is a stealth cat loose in my bedroom. It has made falling back to sleep slightly more difficult than usual. Actually, the falling asleep part isn't so hard bit waking up out of my usual sleep cycle routine is the distressing part. The cat makes a slight and time noise about every 20 minutes. I wake to see if is by...

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Cheat Day

Cheat Day

When people on a diet want a piece of cake they declare a cheat day. There doesn't seem to be any rule except that all rules are out the window. I've been setting very tiny goals for myself each day but today I didn't get much done at all. It's 4:00 p.m. now and I go feed the chickens for their evening meal in about 20 minutes and I just now sat...

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I did the thing. It was anti-climatic

I did the thing. It was anti-climatic

After staring at the emergency mental health hotline for several weeks I paused a movie and made the call. It's not a helpful number but they did give me another number so now I start the loop again. Whenever I say I did a thing I am reminded of a really cool book I read highlighted here in my featured image. Accomplishing one task can be an...

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Why do I make plans?

Why do I make plans?

Perhaps plans is the wrong idea. I set mini goals for each day. Some of them are extremely simple like don't forget to feed the fish. This morning I forgot to feed the fish. Some of them of course are more complex. A task that I see had been meaning to do, a customer project that needs some final work or beginning work. My goals can be almost...

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Day two. It doesn’t get easier..

Day two. It doesn’t get easier..

Doing pretty much the same thing every day doesn't necessarily get easier. For someone with attention deficit disorder it can actually get more difficult because each day it becomes less interesting and the temptation to be creative and look for ways to make it fun can actually distract and make more mistakes happen. On top of that, waking up...

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Same accident. Different door

Same accident. Different door

So as of 8:14 a.m. on Tuesday August 2nd I am possibly missing a cat, or not one may have escaped outside which is really bad for at least one or two of the cats and reasonably bad for the third. If it's the bad cat and I don't mean bad cat I mean if it's the cat that shouldn't be allowed outside I could be in big trouble both in general for...

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Late life revelations

Late life revelations

I never actually notice how little I do in life, effort-wise. I have used my intelligence to evaluate every situation and figure out the best way to do the absolute least, while keeping the friend or colleague happy. I avoid anything I can if it looks difficult I just recently discovered how masterful I am at it out getting people angry or if...

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5am again.

5am again.

When 3am rolled around, and I was still awake, I blew some pretty video clouds and stayed up. I am dehydrated though, and although I took an ex-lax, it may not work right away-- orvat all for this monster poo blockage. It was a good Monday and I cheated, but July invoices are paid as well as the first week of August. Tuesday is a sleep day and...

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The boy in the box

The boy in the box

I can remember every bedroom I ever lived in. It's where I spent most of my life. Right from age 7 when we moved and I got my first bedroom.I attended dinners and chat with my family as I left the house or come home, but with the exceptions of things like game night, pretty much spent all my time alone in my room. We lived driving distance from...

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It’s Friday already.

It’s Friday already.

This seemed like a fast week. I got very little accomplished and saw no progress on any of my short term goals. No progress to show on anything really. I got high and complained or pondered. It was also a week of constipation, dehydration and sadness. The constipation has a temporary stay, bit it will need attention. It's nearing the end of July...

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The documenting of NOW

The documenting of NOW

I would like today to include some good blogging. I have so many thoughts running through my head. My wants sadly, seldome get satisfied this way. Distractions and mood shifts get in the way. I don't like writing about failure or depression. I'm sick. On day X of many. I'm not quite sure how many days it's been since I have been able to poo but...

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Health Update

Health Update

I have not felt right for a week or so. I thought it was various things but as I sit here on the toilet logging I realized. I've been peeing more than usual but not unloading and solid. It's gotten to the point where it's effecting my thought clarity and focus. I always leave things to the last possible moment it seems. My diet isn't including...

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One day, other than today.

There are a few things that I would like to block about. Generally speaking by blog after smoking a little bit of weed. This is the case today. I will not be blogging about any of these serious topics that I really want to blog about because I'm afraid. I don't really have a best friend currently, and that means I don't have anyone to share...

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