I'm almost 60 and about to stop using meth again. It puts my mind in a reflective mood reevaluating who I am, and what things I missed that might still be possible. It's part of a recurring trick my brain starts playing in an attempt to justify buying more drugs. I...
Personal Journey
These posts are more personal in nature. I discuss my ongoing goal to be happy and the various steps forward or backwards along the way. Although this isn’t specifically about my drug life, they are a part of my journey so they are mentioned in many posts.
Jan 27. Pre-worry has begun
Every now and then, for a brief moment, I reflect on the negative aspects of my situation instead of living in the positive thoughts. This is one of those moments.

Too wide a net
Sometimes I think this blog is trying to do too much for me. It is my hobby and the silent friend I talk to when I need an outlet. It doesn't judge me. That might change. One of problems in life is that expectations of success are usually not close to reality. I don't like my dreams and goals. They're better left as dreams, because the realities are hard. Effort. I can dream without lifting a...

Good idea I’ve decided I won’t do
Despite being aware that nobody is checking out this blog except Romanian botts and search engines, it still keeps me happy and gives me something to do each day instead of sitting around on my bed doing drugs like the stereotype junkie. I can tell myself it's a great learning experience, and it is, but in the end, I'm doing it because I enjoy it. It's almost like I finally found a hobby at 59...

Tuesday Morning Good Start
Good morning after a big fight doesn’t feel as happy as I would like.

The Universe Provides
New friends can be a joy and simultaneously such a stress.

Daily Obligation Post
Daily affirmations are not for me… I do like the idea of a daily routine however

Interesting or weird?
A brief evaluation of my current situation.

Reboot. Jan 1st 2023
A new beginning of self discovery and blogging… Until it’s not.

The last day
An excerpt from my life story. One day.

I over thought my enjoyment
The last four days were fun. I stayed hyper focused and got quite a bit accomplished. It felt good. I was getting things done that have needed attention for a while. Then my brain got in the way. The closer I got to completion the more I realized the truth. It won't be what I wanted it to he. It'll be too much work and I don't know what I'm doing and everyone hates me. Basic gear stuff. As long...

I blog because I have no friends
It occurred to me tonight that my simple life blogs that I know are not that interesting are simply the kind of conversation I might have had with a friend instead. The blog is a lonely one sided conversation.I am talking to myself - in text. It's helpful. Even if I know I won't revisit the posts, and nobody may see them, there is a real benefit to talking or typing to yourself, especially with...

Monday was better
I had a good day yesterday. The right set and setting to keep me motivated, productive and focused. Today... Not so much.There are things I want to get done, but today was more blah. I did more nothing today than something.In the end, I did progress on the blog. I need to work on merging them and making some more wide appeal posts, but my brain knows the tricks. Obscure means less judgement. I...

Blogging with OrangeJeff
I often think of a good idea for a blog post, but as I set out to write it, I may be distracted by something shiny, or simply lose motivation thinking about the actual process of expressing the concept into words. I end up not doing that, and more often that not, lay back down and watch another hour of TV.Other times, I'll want to blog, or shoot a video blog, but I can't think immediate of a...

The inconsistent excitement
I'm trying my best to get some major exciting progress on the task I've been hyper focusing on for a few days. I had some setbacks today but I finished what I consider a good day of work.I'm still keeping the negative thoughts away,so I like the website idea at this pace. The longer I postpone failing and moving on, the more life I'll have filled with things I like, right up until I don't.I've...

Life without soap
When you've chosen to live with minimal bathing routines like I have, you become aware of the odour you might be giving off. I don't really do anything to avoid if lessen it, but I aware it might be there. It might be worse than I believe. I spent much of the day yesterday in a car with my friend and his daughter. I have asked him in the past if I smelled, even at times when I know I probably...

Off meds madness
Today is Sunday and I have not taken my brain meds since Thursday morning. Although I've gone up to five days without once over the years, I seem bothered this time more than other days. Sleeping is tough. Dreams go crazy and a bit scary when I fall asleep. Relative humidity is under 20% at night, and my bed has bugs everywhere. I have developed pretty severe allergies to them and they cause...

The challenge of challenges
Since I figured out a little bit more about how my brain works and what I need to be productive, it's been a a benefit and a negative. I can use it as a crutch to not be productive simply because I'm not doing one of the things that allows me to be productive, if that makes any sense. One example is troubleshooting. It's exciting and interesting until it's not. This week I had two customers...

Wakey wakey
I only woke up twice last night and I only had to pee one of those times. Then I woke up about 5:15 a.m. and was going to get up and start my day and then suddenly the 7am alarm went off. I don't actually come out and open the chicken coop and feed the animals till about 8:00 a.m. now because it stays dark and it's reasonably cold so I suspect they are quite content to sleep that extra half...

Birthday blues and orange
Sometimes I make my birthday more significant in my head than it needs to be. It's kind of like my personal New year's Day. It's a time for reflection and looking back and looking forward but my life here in Niagara has been reasonably dull and unchanged. I made the joke on Facebook that I feel very young because I can'tceled my birthday for the 2 years during the pandemic so I'm not really 59...

Sad & Worried -and scared
A flurry of emotions runs through me every time one of the indoor cats gets outdoors. Today it was extra sneaky and I couldn't avoid it. I tried my best but the big fat cat got out. I'm told not to worry as he gets out often and always comes back but lately he's been picking a fight or something with the neighbors. The other two cats get outside just to experience it and they seldom leave the...

Sleep may be especially tough tonight…
It was a hot one today. Especially so inside the 10x12 bedroom I call home. It's not well ventilated and due to curious cats, I don't get to leave my door open more than a crack. Usually I leave it closed so I am less disturbed by noises on the other side of the door and they hear less of me as well. I have finally managed to get the old air conditioner to work. It's something I should have done...

Sunday life update
As of 3:30 this morning, there is a stealth cat loose in my bedroom. It has made falling back to sleep slightly more difficult than usual. Actually, the falling asleep part isn't so hard bit waking up out of my usual sleep cycle routine is the distressing part. The cat makes a slight and time noise about every 20 minutes. I wake to see if is by the door, bit it isn't. Repeat. I can't just leave...
Friday night in bed by 8pm
I probably won't get to sleep till after midnight but I rest. I had plans to go out tonight but instead spent my money on food a few other things. I'm on a tight budget this month trying to make all my payments without them slipping into next month which isn't as profitable as this month. This is a big check month. [video src="https://orangeshirtblogs.com/wp-content/uploads/wp-1660951105692.mp4"...

Cheat Day
When people on a diet want a piece of cake they declare a cheat day. There doesn't seem to be any rule except that all rules are out the window. I've been setting very tiny goals for myself each day but today I didn't get much done at all. It's 4:00 p.m. now and I go feed the chickens for their evening meal in about 20 minutes and I just now sat up and started ticking off a few tasks on the...

I did the thing. It was anti-climatic
After staring at the emergency mental health hotline for several weeks I paused a movie and made the call. It's not a helpful number but they did give me another number so now I start the loop again. Whenever I say I did a thing I am reminded of a really cool book I read highlighted here in my featured image. Accomplishing one task can be an exciting big deal if it's taken you a long time and a...

Why do I make plans?
Perhaps plans is the wrong idea. I set mini goals for each day. Some of them are extremely simple like don't forget to feed the fish. This morning I forgot to feed the fish. Some of them of course are more complex. A task that I see had been meaning to do, a customer project that needs some final work or beginning work. My goals can be almost anything but the main point is I never do any of them...

Day two. It doesn’t get easier..
Doing pretty much the same thing every day doesn't necessarily get easier. For someone with attention deficit disorder it can actually get more difficult because each day it becomes less interesting and the temptation to be creative and look for ways to make it fun can actually distract and make more mistakes happen. On top of that, waking up every morning gets more tedious, not less. Now I'm...

Same accident. Different door
So as of 8:14 a.m. on Tuesday August 2nd I am possibly missing a cat, or not one may have escaped outside which is really bad for at least one or two of the cats and reasonably bad for the third. If it's the bad cat and I don't mean bad cat I mean if it's the cat that shouldn't be allowed outside I could be in big trouble both in general for losing a cat and possibly having that cat not return....

The Monday before I have to pay attention again.
I'm feeling more stressed than I need to be,but that doesn't really help. Then again, my stress has always been pretty mild. Since I go with the flow about everything, worrying about the future is a useless pastime. He starts a job tomorrow that will take him out of the house from early morning to late night every weekday. This means two things. I have the responsibility of feeding all the...

Late life revelations
I never actually notice how little I do in life, effort-wise. I have used my intelligence to evaluate every situation and figure out the best way to do the absolute least, while keeping the friend or colleague happy. I avoid anything I can if it looks difficult I just recently discovered how masterful I am at it out getting people angry or if I've done it right, without noticing I get people to...

5am again.
When 3am rolled around, and I was still awake, I blew some pretty video clouds and stayed up. I am dehydrated though, and although I took an ex-lax, it may not work right away-- orvat all for this monster poo blockage. It was a good Monday and I cheated, but July invoices are paid as well as the first week of August. Tuesday is a sleep day and justaybe glorious poop day. Which may be followed by...

The boy in the box
I can remember every bedroom I ever lived in. It's where I spent most of my life. Right from age 7 when we moved and I got my first bedroom.I attended dinners and chat with my family as I left the house or come home, but with the exceptions of things like game night, pretty much spent all my time alone in my room. We lived driving distance from friends so I had occasional overnight visitors from...

It’s Friday already.
This seemed like a fast week. I got very little accomplished and saw no progress on any of my short term goals. No progress to show on anything really. I got high and complained or pondered. It was also a week of constipation, dehydration and sadness. The constipation has a temporary stay, bit it will need attention. It's nearing the end of July and I have more bills to pay with not enough money...

The documenting of NOW
I would like today to include some good blogging. I have so many thoughts running through my head. My wants sadly, seldome get satisfied this way. Distractions and mood shifts get in the way. I don't like writing about failure or depression. I'm sick. On day X of many. I'm not quite sure how many days it's been since I have been able to poo but it's at least two weeks, perhaps longer. my body is...

Health Update
I have not felt right for a week or so. I thought it was various things but as I sit here on the toilet logging I realized. I've been peeing more than usual but not unloading and solid. It's gotten to the point where it's effecting my thought clarity and focus. I always leave things to the last possible moment it seems. My diet isn't including fiber it seems. Shitty.

One day, other than today.
There are a few things that I would like to block about. Generally speaking by blog after smoking a little bit of weed. This is the case today. I will not be blogging about any of these serious topics that I really want to blog about because I'm afraid. I don't really have a best friend currently, and that means I don't have anyone to share things with. The most significant side effect of this...

Happy Birthday Mom
It sounds familiar in my head but to be honest I'm not positive my mother's birthday is July 7th. I think it is and they're all purposes, that means it is. I create my own canonBut this post isn't really about my mother. I stopped thinking about them for the most part many years ago.That's probably just as well because I became a hard drug user and they probably wouldn't have been happy with...

It’s the least I can do
I always found that statement offensive. It's telling somebody you're doing the absolute least amount of effort possible. If I could do nothing. I would have. Around here, I tend to do the least I can. I stay in bed and get up once a day to refill my water and use the bathroom. This week I have set a simple goal. Baby steps each day and by Friday, I hope to have the air conditioner running. The...

Let me try this today
I'm always experimenting with life, and better ways to get through it. Today I decided to wake up and stay up like I used to. The sun rolls in and by 7:10 or so I'm up and eating chocolate chip cookies. I'll pick up my phone and go through all my social media, I log into the computer and check the emails. Now it's 8:00 a.m. and I'm tired and I don't really want to go back to sleep because that...

Checkpoint Avoidance.
I woke up first today at 6:30 a.m. feeling pretty good. I took my pill and sat up thinking this might be a good time to actually wake up and start doing things. When I woke up the second time today it was 7:30 a.m. and I was still feeling good but the sun was very bright and it made me squint just enough to feel tired and go back to sleep again. I can't remember if I woke up in the 8:30 hour but...

Being sick in 2022
I got sick last week and am still recovering. Every time a symptom shows up, everyone starts to wonder if it is covid-19? My throat is super soar from dehydration and weed smoking. It Hurst. A nice chicken pasta would be ideal.

Optimistic Mid-week
It's Wednesday and it seems a bit off this week because I was a bit off. I've recovering again today but I've been ignoring the bad conveniences of starting late. My life these days is all about juggling the timing of when I ask for money and when I can expect it. I have never left sending out my invoices until the end of the month like I did this month, bit I also had some surplus to be...

The Beaver Dam
Others may call it a bottleneck.Take 2.There are so many things in my bedroom, and by extension my entire life that need to show progress. Some are what you would consider simple tasks, but to somebody with my brain type,any of those important tasks all have steps. Somewhere down the line, I see a blockage.Because I know that task seems overwhelming in my head, so it stops all tasks that need...

I might share this. I probably won’t.
When the pandemic was not yet fully in lockdown, the company paying me a $600 a month contract concluded suddenly. My rent was $600 a month.In a panic, a couple from my past graciously offered me a bedroom in their home left vacant by their now college age son. Unfortunately that didn't work out as hoped and just before being homeless I found another bedroom to occupy in Niagara Falls. This is...