I forgot to wake up before I remembered to take out the garbage to the curb this morning.
Dream Universe
I love that I have elaborate dreams with celebrity guest cats and their own universe of places and rules. I often remember enough of them to post.
I had my phone in a dream… Sort of.
It's an unusual aspect of my dreams that I don't seem to ever have a working modern cell phone. They are either out of power, or an older phone without contacts or some other obsticle. This evening, while hiking down the side of a hill I happened to see a phone on the...
I can imagine doing it, but I can’t do it.
I'm laying in bed at 2:45am thinking about all the stuff I need to do to get serious about my life-long website dream project. I'm getting old and it would be nice to find success for my next chapter. It would be nice to be validated by at least the recognition it was a good idea. Having a genius business plan means nothing if you don't get the help to do all the right things beyond the concept....
Morning whine with breakfast
I'm not sure why, but this morning, one of the dogs wanted my attention. Within minutes of the master leaving for work at 5:30am, I was disturbed from a really cool dream by his bark. It was a night time bark. Muffled just a little, like he was trying to whisper a bark. Then, after about 20 seconds... Another. I remember this. It's his passive aggressive way of distributing your life. A bark...
A literal quarrel in my head.
I had a nice relaxing orgasm around 8pm and figured I could probably fall asleep tonight. Today was a pretty good day. I accomplished enough of my tasks to be noticable, and feel optimistic about the last half. It's clear the imaginary life I predicted for being a functional addict were exaggerated. I'm not even functional on a good week. The end goals still have an almost infinite number of...
Off meds madness
Today is Sunday and I have not taken my brain meds since Thursday morning. Although I've gone up to five days without once over the years, I seem bothered this time more than other days. Sleeping is tough. Dreams go crazy and a bit scary when I fall asleep. Relative humidity is under 20% at night, and my bed has bugs everywhere. I have developed pretty severe allergies to them and they cause...
Too many dreams
I'm not sure why I woke up so many times this past night, but it did allow me to have a lot of wonderful dreams. The humidity in my room is down at 25% again and my nose is still whistling and playing tunes when I lay down, so I guess my brain is getting a different kind of air flow these days. Since I started taking Paxil medication al.ost 10 years ago, I don't usually get sick, and my nose has...
Wakey wakey
I only woke up twice last night and I only had to pee one of those times. Then I woke up about 5:15 a.m. and was going to get up and start my day and then suddenly the 7am alarm went off. I don't actually come out and open the chicken coop and feed the animals till about 8:00 a.m. now because it stays dark and it's reasonably cold so I suspect they are quite content to sleep that extra half...
Going to see {Deleted}
I don't think I'd call it a nightmare. It's more of a frustration dream, complete with the sideways elevator. A bunch of my familiar friends went to see a movie in an unknown mall. The theatre had 14 screens and none of us had heard anything about even one of the film titles playing. This is a very real side effect caused by moving away from cable/network television with commercials to Netflix....
Driving up Eglinton, kind of
I woke up from an interesting dream just now. I was playing with a balloon on a wire that lit up and I was playing with it from a distance over this pond that used to exist between my house and my neighbors house and I was playing with it and it lit up really neat ways as I moved it back and forth and I was getting ready to tell my friend about it and show her and see if she could do one too and...
Alternate Dream Universe
I don't know if it's common or unique to me, but the universe that I live in is separate from the universe that I dream in. The universe of my dreams is fairly consistent in the way that it's different. There are a number of places that are regulars for me although they change minor details from time to time I do seem to hang out a lot in a hotel in Vegas, but I never get to go to the Vegas part...
Meme Cops
I woke up but didn't open my eyes yet. The dream I was having deserved more time, so I stayed in a not quite awake state to develop it more. It started in our high school library, where we were sitting down to eat lunch, the story is still incredibly detailed in my mind but I fear I'll lose it soon as I regain my daytime consciousness, so I'll just tell the highlights. Phil was wearing an...
My Sleep Day
It's a Friday. I woke up around 4pm for the 10th time. Some amazingly cool dreams between my naps. If only I could write them down but my mind drifts when I try. Still, I'm flipping between the memories as I watch TV. I remember parts as I see reference triggers in the show. I was in the future in some dreams. Neat stuff. The details of the dream were oddly scripted and specific. I'm having...
8am wet food
It's not really raining hard this morning. I seem to be lucky so far this year that the rain is either before or after I need to go out and feed the animals. It was barely drizzling or spitting. I don't actually know if it was raining at all or if it was just the wet trees dripping on me. To my surprise the chickens and the pig both happily came out of their coop to find food. I wasn't fully...
Emotional restoration
I don't know how long it's been since I gave up using drugs, at least temporarily. I think it's been about two no three weeks. That doesn't sound right because it's only October 4th, but I remember sober weekends and I've been eating a lot more food, which means spending a little more money. Ironically I don't mean to say I'm spending money ironically, but I think it's ironic that I'm spending...
Good Good Morning.
I was woken out of an awesome long story dream by my alarm at 7am. This is an amazing first. I didn't look at what time it was that I was last awake to pee but my first really good long story dream that kept me asleep until the alarm is a new or at least new in the last three years experience. I remember a great deal of the dream although that won't last probably. It was surfaced around being in...
The extra last day
I knew the last day wouldn't really be the last day. Whenever I say I'm out of math and this is my last day, I know there are at least two or three pipes that have a little bit in them and the stems are still white and can be melted into another cloud or two. Even now I know there are a few extra bits I could use to create a cloud. I will before the days out and probably actually be out. It...
The in-between time.
YIKES! I forgot about the gurgle. This is the broken bong I usually use without any water in it, so it's usually stealth quit like a pipe but tonight for reasons I don't remember right now, it gurgled. The gurgle is a social sound that goes through walls. If the house is silent, it can be...
Fake Monday Morning.
It's the Tuesday after labor Day, but for me it pretty much feels like a Monday because I slept through quite a bit yesterday and didn't have feed anybody but myself. This morning, I woke at 6:30 pleased with the amount of sleep I had received the night before. The start of the evening had me on a dream sequence I wasn't particularly happy with and after the first wake up and fall asleep it...
I do my best to not regret.
I had some wild dreams last night including what might be what people call a night terror. There was a lot of waking up yelling and screaming except I'm not really sure that wasn't self maintained within the dream. I remember very little Although it's nice to be dreaming rich dreams and remembering them again, when I sleep cycle is not really changed. Although I might make it past the hour mark,...
Sunday life update
As of 3:30 this morning, there is a stealth cat loose in my bedroom. It has made falling back to sleep slightly more difficult than usual. Actually, the falling asleep part isn't so hard bit waking up out of my usual sleep cycle routine is the distressing part. The cat makes a slight and time noise about every 20 minutes. I wake to see if is by the door, bit it isn't. Repeat. I can't just leave...
Summer Falls by the Falls
I had a fall this morning. It was scary shit for a short while because it was a multi-stage fall knocking over various things as I tried to save myself on the way down. I don't remember what started it. Things like happen unexpectedly and you're not concerned about why your falling as much as how and where you're falling. I was not injured at all but it could have been worse. I had mete seconds...
Beginner Mistake on an important Friday
A lot of this week went right, despite the underlying sicknesses (plural) that I ignore to dangerous abuse levels. Recently I discovered my pill bottle on the floor next to my bed. That's where I start this story . I have no memory of the last time I took them. My ADHD comes with a kind of object perminance. Once the bottle was not in its usual spot, it longer existed for me. My guess is around...
I wish I could say it’s not my fault
Technically of course I can say it's not my fault but that wouldn't be true. It's 3:30 in the morning on Wednesday and I made the conscious decision to get high again. Reason I was teasing that it's not my fault is that I was going to be up anyway and it was driving me crazy. I hate insomnia. This current couple of weeks my constipation and dehydration have been taking a lot of my focus...
Sickness update
I got some xlax today thanks to a kind donation. I'm not sure how well it will work on this brand of weeks old dehydrated constipation but I just took one at 8pm so we'll see over the next two days. Apparently some of my dreams may have been fever dreams which are bad but it's hard to tell when the room is 93° I'm dehydrated again and peeing frequently because my body doesn't holduch at a time....
Dream Update
I've been sick, but invisibly sick. I have severe constipation that has gone on much longer than I should have let it. Last week there was a bit of a reprieve and I let a medium shit through the blockade. I chose to ignore it again and now it's probably been x days. Shame permits me to say x rather than the real count. During the past weekend, I decided not to eat. This is aided by the fact that...
My Nemesis… The Rooster.
I forget his name, but I don't remember anything from my past I wanted to kill more. I dream about the ways. Roosters are kind of useless most of the time. This one is all up in your space, and if I'm not careful, he'll make my ankles bleed. I want to kick him like a football and never see him again... But I can't. To be fair., I've never really kicked a ball with much success.
A fraction of my thoughts
As I hit save, I have absolutely no memory of what this blog was about.
Thursday Morning
My bedroom clock somehow lost almost an hour while I was away. Unusual because it's never really needed adjustment before. Perhaps it slows when the battery weakens. I guess that makes sense. Some things just stop working when the power gets low and others work slower. My body does both. Yesterday was a detox day. No drugs and I didn't get out of bed. Today could easily have been the same but I...
Monday customer service
Yes Hello. I'd like to exchange this current life for a new one. I don't like the amount of effort involved. I was mislead about how it would be better. I realize I've only had this new life less than 30 days and I can change my mind and go back to my previous option of no life if I wasn't satisfied. I'm as surprised as anyone. Who would have guessed I would prefer the life I constantly...
I’m freaking out on the inside
It's only 8am on the morning after the first day back post COVID. So much has restarted for me at once. I don't want to fail, but most of my life experience is actually in failing and running away.I spoke with the boss. I volleyed the idea of coming in later in they day but it was more of a gesture. I need this sleep. I start to remember some dreams like they were real experiences
I have not taken out my recycled items.
And that isn't the worst of my behavior. I have been sabotage my hopes and dreams.
Replacement Monday
It's a Tuesday here in Toronto but it feels a bit more like a Monday because we had a long weekend holiday Monday. It was supposed to be a rest day so I could start my office job again. I have only worked 4 days before they shut us down to stay at home with COVID. My experience was quite mild because of was vaccinated. That's the story I choose to go along with anyway.I am eager to return to...
Time to celebrate, by sleeping
I can hardly bring myself to blog, which I seem to remember is a common symptom of my depression. Ironically the periods of my life I'd most like to document and remember are those times when I least feel like writing. I suppose smoking a little weed might help, since the majority of my blogs are influenced or at least inspired by my high mind, but I'm not getting high these days. I'm living in...
What I wrote down before forgetting
Best dream Me and three friends decide to go on a reunion trip and arrive 14 years in the future. A lot has changed. One died of aidds with hidden robbery money his partners never found. One is sci Fi author One is rich off scatboatd mod he stole. One was married and divorced. One invented next big toy craze Hilarity sand good stories ensue as we learn wheat is going on by context clues and...
Global communities ideas
This of course may fade away until I recycle it again as my dream. It combines all my ideas. Helping people with a trust relationship. Encouraging discussion over the validity of ideas or business ideas. Creating communities and providing guidance on interaction. Learning from trusted faces Referrals are the best Manners because it's closed by invite Commissions and sales and services. Stores...
Wild by my standards
It's 6am and even though I asked and she said no, when 8 asked again, I ended up changing her plans and spending the whole night talking. It's what I wanted and I get high enough to believe it's enjoyable. I know interaction with high women who I click with is the most fun I have, and indream of how we could work to be a success. Later in life, I learned that's a weed stoner thing. If nobody...
It should be a No-Brainer
I am sitting outside in Ontario Spring, listening to horny birds chirping like kids on the first day of school. Each catching up with friends about how they spent their winter down south. I'm waiting on my rideshare to Toronto. A $155 fair with a new untested local company trying to complete with Uber, who wanted $250 for the same ride. Both are ruining my budget this month. I'll take a bus...
Today was a sad day.
I slept in till around 3pm and had some cool dreams. My car hot towed again. I think that's the fifth car I've lost in my dream universe. That's how my day started. The month of February is almost over. I've been off drugs and I'm now waiting for March and money to get high again. I may not have any money left anyway. I fell a little behind on my bills because the electric bill nearly doubled...
Oh yeah… It’s Friday already
It's not like there is any real significance to weekends when you're at home 24/7. I still honour our cultural traditions and not get high till Friday. But I got high not remembering it was Friday. This week went by fast for me because I have important work, and I've blocked it mentally and put it off till they ask a second time A joke from Coming to America I repearmt frequently, but I'm high...
I’m out. For real this time.
There's always an extended period after the first time I say I'm out. There are three or four pipes that I can scrounge tiny bits of white powder off the sides. There are bits in my baggy. It's amazing how many days you can get just enough of a hit in the morning even though you have declared self out of drugs. Yesterday was to be the last day and on the last day I pretty much go wild and I...
Checkpoint Failed
I slept well. I even had some dreams. When I woke up at 630am I had one of those glimpses into my life as a drug user. An evaluation checkpoint where I had to decide; do I restart the loop again now, or wait till later? I can feel the effects of dehydration. I don't have much food for today, and I have tasks and customers waiting on me. Will today be a good day? The things I keep putting off are...
Regular not black Sunday
The loneliest place I visit No. December can be a lonely time. It doesn't help that the entire month leading up to December, is Black November. At this point, it's getting to be a little ridiculous. As I understand it, the retail market in United States uses black Friday as it's clearance day. It started as an equivalent to our boxing Day but before Christmas rather than after Christmas where...
Sunday… Not so fun day
I woke up this morning and stayed up. It's almost noon and instead of sleeping back to back. My dreams over the last week have been vast and elaborate. They somehow got linked to duty and dreaming was a part of a mechanism. I felt ok to be sleeping as a day job. No guilt. That isn't fully true. I had some guilt, but it went away when I'd go back to sleep. Some dreams lasted through episodes ND...
Sunday is prep for Monday.
I woke up this morning and stayed up. It's almost noon and instead of sleeping back to back. My dreams over the last week have been vast and elaborate. They somehow got linked to duty and dreaming was a part of a mechanism. I felt ok to be sleeping as a day job. No guilt. That isn't fully true. I had some guilt, but it went away when I'd go back to sleep. Some dreams lasted through episodes ND...
Another week without a Thursday
This isn't the first time I have sincerely been surprised to discover it is Friday. I ever seem to live Thursdays anymore. I really believed today was Thursday. Another entire week has passed and I've done almost nothing but sleep, dream, and write about sleeping and dreaming. It's 8am on this new September week and I'm ready to sleep some more. I survived the night without water, and it was...
Live Brain Transcript
0:04 I absolutely hate when one single click. Takes me so far away from what I was doing that sometimes I don't make it back. Period. Tonight was therapy. I shared who I am, with someone seeking approval that I'm just interesting enough to want to see more, period. I have a bad habit of telling opinions, as if they were fact. 0:51 But I always try to correct that if I noticed tonight. I talked...
2020 birthday 57
Today is my birthday. It's not a happy day I'm kind of sad. My life has changed more in the last year than perhaps previous 56. No, that's not fair. My life can you turn off a lot in the Years 1 to 10 them pure. But, I don't really remember those so let's just agree to say this has not been a good year. Almost 100% of my friendships have been online drug users. Not to say those are not equally...
Occasionally I have stopped so what could I do if I want to, could I do if I was motivated enough. If I had some assistance if I had some support. My current dream. It’s based in reality, it could be. It’s not impossible. None of my dreams are actually difficult to tackle by someone who had the ability to start and complete tasks, but I don’t. I’d love to get in motorhome and tour the country lecturing about some of my philosophies, of which I still hold on to pride.
The idea of stories we tell our own stories and my stop here. I don't feel motivated to expand upon my universal stories just now. It's better to cling to it, with high hopes and optimism. Say it out loud, realize how lame might be.
Day 2. Stealth Stoner is feeling guilty
Who had three weeks in the pool. A joke I have been using for years and it's never been received well even once. It simply means it was predictable. OoOo.... My acid dreams make sense. Jane, get me off this crazy thing. When you think you've got it all figured out, it might be horrible. The episode of the q continuum scares me. I don't like reruns. I can't tell if somebody is...
Otter Transcribe.
Transcribed from voice before I learned how to retain pauses as paragraphs. I am evolving into a technology of the past. Period. Let me explain. I am improving the way that I do things by using the technology of the fifth and sixth keys, period. I am dictaphone in my blog. And although I don't have a secretary in the office. I do have a phone, and the Internet has allowed me to translate and...
Spoken writing is a weird normal
I am evolving into a technology of the past. Let me explain. I am improving the way that I do things by using the technology of the fi 70s. keys, I am using the modern day Dictaphone. I use my voice to type the words. I am voice blogging. maybe I should copyright the slang that will come. first the best blocking and then video blocking was the logging some should this be best logging for speech...
Chapter 7. Guelph.
I'm coming up on my third week in the new home. It surprised me how little I've changed, despite a vastly different set and setting. I'm still being stealthy. I'm still living in a single bedroom trying to be quiet late at night as my room mates sleep. My bedroom is listed out with pretty much the same floorplan, computer, bed and TV. I have limited contact and hide out in my room working...
Blogging through tears
Its 11am Monday and I wake up as if I've been sleeping for days. It was just Sunday I slept through, mostly. I had the most glorious dreams, enhanced by frequent wake-ups so that I could realize their story a bit before going back to sleep for the next chapter. I was involved in such a great story with a murder and a gang of colourful characters incuding a dog names Joe that Methew Broderick...
May 5th
[widget id="wpwws_widget-2"] Hi, I was pleased that the day old Pizza lasted two days old and was good for breakfast. This is the last of the discount Pizza Hut's they're taking their sales away. I ate a lot of pizza over this. Like you have no idea. I could show you and you still wouldn't be able to comprehend because not all the piles of pizza boxes are showing but there are 50 pizza boxes...
Things are methed up
There was a brief time when things looked like they were going to be alright. I was on the prescribed dosage of amphetamine and Paxil and I wasn't depressed. I was confident and doing OK. Today I am not. I still have some of that newly discovered confidence, and I still have the awareness that I am a smart, respectful and likeable person. It's just the focus issues at heart that keep me from...
A New Fan
I woke up at 6am and started my Monday right away. I turned on the webcams and started recording footage for what might be used for the making of The Orange Jeff Show. I have a new optimism fueled by a new fan, a new month, a growing need for change and of course, a morning boost of drugs. Monday is a downtown office work day for me. I should be out the door towards the bus stop by 830am but...
The mental beuracracy of two Jeffs
Imagine for a moment what it might be like to have a disconnect in your brain that spontaneously allowed for a second awareness. A second consciousness that remains seperate from your normal everyday life. For me, I am starting to figure out that my stoned consciousness doesn't share or retain memories of it's time controlling my brain. My high mind has figured this out and is still in the...
This year’s December – 2019
I sat up in bed. I'm not falling asleep for a while I say, but in my head I know probably not tonight, and I really should have a catch up sleep night tonight. I only has about 7 hours last night, and then not since Wednesday. I had a very active weekend filled with ups and downs. December is aklwayts a weird month for me.No family close to me, locationally or emotionally. I have been abusing...
This is where I’m honest, right
I'd like to think I could be honest again, because I think I'm worth a second look. I only feel this is true. When I'm high. I did a huge thing today. I just did it. I got high on a drug that isn't weed. Let me lead into that. I have a story. I'm an interesting thinker but drugs enabled me to think I could live without people. I became my worst enemy... Alone Jeff. I only react. I have modeled...
So I’m supposed tobe honest here, right?
I'd like to think I could be honest again, because I think I'm worth a second look. I only feel this is true. When I'm high. I did a huge thing today. I just did it. I got high on a drug that isn't weed. Let me lead into that. I have a story. I'm an interesting thinker but drugs enabled me to think I could live without people. I became my worst enemy... Alone Jeff. I only react. I have modeled...
The Non Update
I think my current body high recipie is not good. I dont eat or do anything. Its blah mixed with thought, till I try to write. I dont know if I'll sleep, or try various distractions, which will all end beclause blah I have played this level. Question? which is better. lack of confidence withdreams or confidence and depression i still wont be that dream I am excited...
Monday without chocolate
I'm on the subway a bit later than usual. It's almost been as I make my way downtown for my office duties and paycheck. I didn't have chocolate this morning and the pop tart breakfast wasn't effective and clearing that bad mouth feeling. I don't have much cash but I think I can manage a donut. It's 2009 and I think they're still under a dollar for the basic ones. Probably the cheapest palette...
#torontodrugs
COMMUNITY BASED BROADCAST STUDIO#torontodrugs#canadadrugsDreams that actually came true.FROGSTAR.TV is part of the Frogstar family of related sites.KIK chat group website #torontodrugs#canadadrugs Access to this website from Canada only. This page was created to introduce a the idea of a blog that can be shared by thge people of the KiK chat groups #drugstoronto and #drugscanada If you would...
The Important Friday.
It turns out we do thank God it's Friday. Old English Frīgedæg ‘day of Frigga’, named after the Germanic goddess Frigga, wife of the supreme god Odin and goddess of married love; translation of late Latin Veneris dies ‘day of Venus’, Frigga being equated with the Roman goddess of love, Venus. Compare with Dutch vrijdag and German Freitag. In therapy, we discussed that I need to work harder to...
I was doing so well.
There is a moment in the life of any substance users life, when they remember a better life. No. I already changed my mind. I won't speak for them. I am always comparing myself in a quest to be more normal. It leaves me in a never-ending quest to change. My role model is absolutely everyone else. I think that may be more common than... Change. I can speak for me. I have a loop. A save point in...
Surprise. We had to wake you 230 years too early.
About 10 years ago, I signed the card that came with my driver's licence, allowing my organs to be donated when I die. I couldn't see any good reason not to because no matter what the after life turns out to be, I'm certain it won't be filled with the few hundred people who cryogenically froze their remains. I was sent a follow up card from the government recnetly asking a couple of additional...
Day 1. Orientation.
I heard a distinct Bing sound and that was the first time I was aware of anything. Everything was black and I couldn't really feel inside myself. It's a hard to describe a concept unknown to anyone. If a blind person asked you what blue was you would describe things that were blue, which would be useless. I just was. A thought hearing a ding. Attention. Attention. I'm Doctor Phillips and I have...
Genius idea.
I think I'm ready to go home now. Before the literal fireworks might begin. I don't want to be carrying a tray full of beers when those bangs take me off guard. The above two sentences were here when I opened up the blog. They're from Sunday. Tonight I wanted to blog an idea for an app. A lot of other social media share apps use the word story to create a blog... Oh wait ...
It’s right there… My future.
I'm feeling great. I've still got a few issues, but the drug changes have settled. Ironically, I just got a call that I can order from a third option. Good old Apotex, which is the biggest Canadian generic drug manufactuer. I still liked the first generic brand, but hated the second. This brand has two side effects. (1) It's time release is more gradual, which is probably better, but I got used...
A slice of life.
Each time I say I feel close... like this could be the one that works. The one that happens. Each time, I wake up the next day like it never happened. Each time, I do get closer, but a think slice of progress, almost impossible to notice. Except on weed. Every day, I create a new onsticle to that progress and crushes my joy by whatever means possible to lessen my confidence and choice. I have no...
The Wednesday that was Monday
I woke up from another dream at around 7am today, a Wednesday, but it was a fresh awake wake-up. The first I've had since my medication screw up almost 3 weeks ago. I stood up, and didn't lay back down again. I sat at the computer and started my morning work routine right away. Had some fresh cold water from the fridge, took my pill and logged into Facebook with a refreshed morning feel I...
Blog Promotions
I was up late playing around with promotionsPost-A-Day
When I first started my Giveit100.com project in January of 2014, it was a great motivator of creativity and energy …Off meds madness
Today is Sunday and I have not taken my brain meds since Thursday morning. Although I’ve gone up to five …Point form open window, but the dog looks at my hand
idea: reset the … brain apparently. (edit. If I can figure out how to get every new blog post to …
I got you babe.
Stu’s cell rings. He reads the caller ID and sees it is the house at the end of the col-du-sac. …
