My Usage Video Journal
I try to make a post a day. I probably don't

My Usage Video Journal

This page is a dated journal of both text and video blogs of my journey through my 60s. I talk to my phone daily about my drug usage, my struggle with ADHD and my opinions on the universe.

Watching Meth Documentaries

Watching Meth Documentaries

At midnight tonight, I decided to boof and smoke some meth because I was itchy and restless. I decided to do some research on methamphetamine. As I near the end of this current stash, and consider another break I wanted to revaluate the risks. I'm not really getting much benefits or high so if the bad effects are real, maybe I'll quit. It's weird that all the documentaries and documents show a world so totally different than my experience and those of the many people I know online or in person. None of them are even close to the case studies or photos these videos have. I don't quite understand how this can be the case. It's clear that it is a problem to many towns and people. People going crazy and picking their faces apart. Huge crime problems and violence are shown over and over in...

Opposite World – Sleep is the new high

Opposite World – Sleep is the new high

It's just past noon and I've eaten the last of two delicious Pizza Hut pizzas. It's been so long. I'm feeling a little spun and tired simultaneously and I think it's a new kind of high. The need to sleep fighting against being awake is a bit of a mind fuck. It's not really new. I've been here many times, putting off the necessity to sleep with the necessity to stay awake. This is just the first time it gave me a neat boost of dopamine... Or at least noticed it.  ... I woke up at 3pm still tired. It's only going to get worse as I run out of the awake meds and I'm going to do the rest of today's rations now. 

11pm. Still counts

11pm. Still counts

Jetpack knows people like continuity. It sends me a message telling me how many days streak I have been posting blogs in hopes that that inspires me to keep it up and of course it does. Today I went in town with Doug and we did a few things at a few stores. Third week in a row that Walmart was out of my chocolate and I had to suffer with substitutes but at least I have chocolate for tomorrow. I can't remember if I did any blogging this morning but something tells me I missed doing it. I don't actually remember much about the morning. I know I had hardly any videos to post about the farm but I did make it a couple of ADHD related posts. I just posted one now before this. I'll include it below. It was kind of a fun one to make and I'm curious to see if it gets a response. It's the kind of...

Skip Tuesday – NEXT

Skip Tuesday – NEXT

I don't actually remember doing anything today. I didn't really film anything of value in the morning or afternoon animal feeds. It was raining both times and the cows were mad at me. I did get a bit of creative writing on my Second Afterlife story and some partial works on the It's Your Fault pages. I was up all night doing very little. I did nap most of the day. I suppose that's something. I believe this current batch of stuff isn't as good. It clouds more and leaves an odour and mist behind for hours. Yeah.

Sunday Sleep in

Sunday Sleep in

Waking up groggy at 7:30 is different. I had some neat dreams but having drug dreams while I have drugs is new. Usually I'd have these types of dreams about two or three weeks after I'd run out. I'm not remembering my dreams as well these mornings but they definitely included more drug content than my usual dream universe. I'm not seeking drugs in them. I seem to be more into the stereotype of drug culture.  Although I'm still alone in my dreams. I never get to enjoy the idea of a drug girlfriend in either universe. Not even the fantasy world has me booking up. My brain can't imagine that scenario. 7:37 alarm goes off. I'm sitting upright in bed typing. 90s dance music id playing instead of local radio. I'm  sucking my morning chocolate bar without my teeth in because it gives my mouth a...

Sunday Recap

Sunday Recap

My sister didn't do anything for her birthday today and I suppose that's fairly regular for someone over 60. Birthday seem to be less significant but I still feel like they aren't insignificant. I like to do something on my birthday. I also use it to reflect on the year that has gone by. Like a preamble to my January 1st obsessiveness on not having succeeded in any of my life goals yet again. But I feel like I'm currently in a period of mini successes. Like rapid fire point form successes that don't add up to anything significant but make you feel better each day than in the prior months when I wasn't having the same feelings. My YouTube channel is growing and I get just about the right amount of fan messages. Not yet overwhelming but satisfying. Now all I worry about is how fast that...

Saturday Morning Routine

Saturday Morning Routine

My morning routine is different everyday and today I just sort of felt like making a music video so I did. It'll be a challenge to see whether Jetpack uploads it directly. Original music sound and lyrics by AI and me. AI Meth Morning Music Video It's kind of sad that I mentioned meth ever so briefly in this video but that means I can't share it as publicly. Maybe I'll redo it someday or a different one without but it is currently part of my morning routine.

Breakfast choice

Breakfast choice

I really miss when I don't have a few pieces of my chocolate bar in the morning. That role used to be a Hershey's kiss addiction but the $1 chocolate bar not satisfies the craving as I wake up. Less fidgeting with those tiny wrappers. Today I realized two things about my breakfast routine as they apply to the clouds of meth smoke I also begin each day inhaling. The dehydrating properties of amphetamine need things to counter act my dry mouth. Chocolate isn't a good choice. Chocolate chip cookies are. The cookies stimulate saliva better than almost anything I eat all day. Plus they taste great. My mouth fills with the baked goodness of the cookie mixing flavour and saliva together to freshen my mouth. With dentures, a dry mouth has its own unique taste and texture (and odour) and it's not...

So much distraction completed

So much distraction completed

I want to start with WOW but it's not a very good literary way to begin a post. Still, when I explain some of the things I have accomplished overnight, WOW seems the best way. Starting last night, I began working on issues I've been troubled by, but have been ignoring for weeks. Months in fact. The menu system on my blog and some fine tuning to make the thing mobile compatible. I did it. A lot of fiddling, but I was motivated and the ADHD community on TikTok keep spouting how our superpower is hyperfocus as long as it's interesting. It just took me a few nudges to remind myself that I really do enjoy troubleshooting website design and problem solving. The amphetamine certainly helped maintain focus and alertness all night. I had two things to accomplish so I was able to work in bursts...

Back to back Fridays

Back to back Fridays

My Friday mood isn’t like other people’s Friday mood. It signals the end of a week where I did not accomplished the things that I had hoped. Friday is often a reflection day where I think about being a loser. Monday on the other hand is the exciting day filled with potential to not be a loser. A vicious cycle.
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Cinco de Mayo

Cinco de Mayo

I don't really think about Cinco de Mayo much. When I was in Vegas once on This holiday the whole town celebrated because almost all of the workers were from Mexico. Other than that I think about Arrested Development every year on this day and how they wanted to create a new holiday Cinco de Quattro which could hold a parade one day earlier. My friend Adam usually posts a bottle of mayonnaise inside his stainless steel sink as his own meme which of course has been duplicated by others over the years but I don't hear much about it anymore because we don't watch regular Network TV with current commentary and commercials. I don't want late night shows anymore I just catch the clips...

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