This page is a dated journal of both text and video blogs of my journey through my 60s. I talk to my phone daily about my drug usage, my struggle with ADHD and my opinions on the universe.
It’s crazy but…
Another late night choice. To use, or ot to use there is no question.
Friday 4am.
I still don't understand why Jetpack on the Android sucks so much. I also don't know why I keep giving it a chance instead of using the Kiwi browser on my phone and logging into the real WordPress site. I stayed up and just now, at 5am decided to blog. I wasn't productive at all. I mostly played with Snapchat on the PC and tried to get some python open source AI apps to load but I'm out of hard drive space and money. Oh well. I've burned through more meth this month than last and I'd say I'm feeling great about life, but the down side is when I stop, I get itchy and that scares me because I've never had that and if...
The Thursday Recap – I thought it was Friday.
An unusually happy life change for the usually gray depressing month of November.
How others perceive
The line that some people will never cross is different for everyone but the line that people won’t let me cross without dumping me as a friend often surprises me
The high isn’t always the reason
The obsessive decision loop that happens when I have to choose between sleep or going up for another night of drug induced distraction.
Day whatever. Still clouding
quick. blog during the 5 minute rush from melting a brown spot on the side of my bong. one cloud to go.
Staying up for SNL
Pre SNL show.
The end of the Orange Month
I hear the "Just for Laughs" character in my head saying, "It's over." For years, it played at the end of almost every Just for Laughs comedy special, and I even used the sound once or twice in my videos. It would be something Canadians probably remember, but not many outside Canada. It's interesting to think things like that will be harder for future generations. We were surprised when our childhood TV viewing went from 3 main channels to hundreds, but now so many people don't even own a TV and watch content from a selection of billions. Will nostalgia even exist when everyone watches something different. Will the kids of today have catch phrases from shows in the future. The current popular "bit" is the Hawk-tua girl but I can't see things like memes having long lasting nostalgic...
Enjoying the sunset for a change
Post lumberjack duties
Spun Monday
A Monday morning refection and review. I just realized I don’t really know what status quo means
30 bars of Walmart Cvocolate
I just borrowed the car and drove into town just to spend the last of my cash on chocolate.the last two times I tried, they were out of my brand. They're on a sale price and it's almost Halloween so I didn't know if I'd get lucky or not. Starting my mornings with 100 grams of cheap Swiss milk chocolate elevates my mood more than you might expect. My ADHD doesn't enjoy the effects of coffee but the fresh chocolate taste in my morning mouth is just right. If I have nothing in the morning, my dentures have overnight dentures taste. Chocolate is better. It also helps cover the meth taste and smell. I've been without chocolate most of the month and tomorrow I'll be out of meth.
Blogging by proxi
Two blogs in one. The video blog, followed by a commentary on the process of using Lipsync with digitally altered or created faces
Post Birthday Blues
I'm doing ok. I finally had the nerve to ask about my drug use and the fact that everyone in the house is aware I use drugs. I'm not certain they understand it's meth but it's not vital since they seem somewhat accepting of it regardless. I'm a little concerned it may have been one straw in the acceptance of annoyances the man can handle. The married couple I live with are amazingly understanding and accepting. It was/is a hard adjustment to make coming off two back to back homes that were angry and loud. I know I'm a different kind of person and I react to life differently. I do things that can be annoying. My ADHD and autism traits are frustrating. I've dealt with the reactions of others my whole life. I spent so much effort trying to be accommodating and not annoying, but I just think...
Friday. Birthday Eve
I've been far more conscious of how good I have it now that I am living with the security of a home and food. At the exact same time, I am continuously aware of how unfair it is to be in this position of advantage. Basically, I'm costing the couple that has given me this place to call home, a financial burden. I simultaneously love and hate that. I'm also torn between my loneliness and drug use. They balance each other out now that I have found a new joy in making videos. My life has less interaction than I'm used to but the observation of my universe is still providing educational entertainment in leu of actual friends to hang out with. I am enjoying my deep dive into the marvels of AI. The world has no idea how this obsession will pan out but I'm playing with it with most of my free...
Honest and open post on my drug use.
An unfinished blog about merging all my blogs into one.
Oops. Another “late” Sunday
another sll night play atound with AI sessions
A good story trumps reality
A first things when I woke up morning blog about Politics and Religion and how the best story and best storytellers often win. A story can trump reality.
Nice Dreams. What day is it?
A journal entry that takes a deeper meaning of life turn after I wake up and smell the clouds.
Mid week morning
A rather generic update on an uneventful week where I acknowledge but ignore my problems and continue existing with minimum effort.
A Monday Morning
A nice dream at that Vegas Hotel for an unspecified annual convention.
Choosing guilt over labour
My morning mood and cautious humour
Silence beats conflict
First car ride with my sister since I found out her husband wasn’t surprised by my drug use.
Dream Reruns
A good morning with some realizations to make it a better day. Don’t talk to me before I e snorted my morning meth
The ups and downs
Review of my day on meth
I can’t find my phone
I lost my phone and I might blame my new meth
the two sides of my thoughts
Describing the sadness. Thanks for mansplaining my mood
Doing the same thing over and over…because you forgot
Today was the day I noticed my position on the loop of drug use. The things I do every few weeks without realizing — until I notice it.
Shocking Awareness
--Original copy I learned a new piece of information yesterday that came as an absolute shock to me and I'm not quite sure how to process it. The revelation was presented to me in the middle of a sentence as if it was common knowledge and had been for a while. It was certainly not common knowledge to me that it was common knowledge to him. I have put in a certain amount of mental energy to maintain that secret. I understand it might be a rather obvious secret and I shouldn't be surprised that it wasn't kept secret. Apparently my sister and her husband are fully aware of my drug use habit going on in their basement. Wow. I knew my sister was aware I suppose it's rather logical that she would...
Wild mornings
Yesterday included some extra activities including getting four of the yearling calf daughters into a tiny trailer and a 90 minutes ride to take them to the meat processing ranch, otherwise known as the slaughterhouse. Doug will return at some point in the future with packaged beef. We assume it's our own cow meat although I suppose it could be any. I used an extra days rations and really wasn't expecting much this morning until I discovered the black ring in one of pipes was actually not black, so it supplied some awesome clouds that didn't feel burnt. I immediately went back to my bed to get a sweet energized porn session that lasted quite some time before orgasm. I'm still breathing heavy as I write this. It's Friday today and my last opportunity to go to the city if I want to buy...
Waking up. Falling back. Waking up.
My multiple wake ups before feeling awake meant multiple cool dreams.
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