This page is a dated journal of both text and video blogs of my journey through my 60s. I talk to my phone daily about my drug usage, my struggle with ADHD and my opinions on the universe.
Trust and respect
Deeper introspection of being asked to go away with little hope of survival
Only one dirty pipe
I’m not a happy cap camper.
Avoiding depression
A sadness post I will acknowledge then ignore
I see it sometimes more than other times
Risky airport story that ended well. No worry needed.
Stupid Crush Mode
A song about a girl I had a high crush on.
The leaving worry trumps the arriving
Spontaneous unscheduled all-nighter working on the web after a few days of low motivation
Formula 51
If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.
so then I blogged
Just a low day update. Meh
The decision of choice
Justification post describing the mental struggle as if it’s a good thing.
More? Enough? more… Oops
Realizing mornings
Feeling … Line?
blah night, all night
2:41AM
Late Night, Early morning.
I miss you… And you and you
Not a happy start to the day, and you can feel more negative thoughts are to come.
The adjustment period
I think I was actually staying off drugs almost a month this time and so there's a bit of an adjustment. When you come back cuz they haven't been very productive and I haven't been overly happy and while I was off the drugs I was told we kind of like you to leave as soon as possible. That's a paraphrasing of my own words but people with my brain type often take comments as personal attacks. Or if not personal attacks at least a misinterpretation of the intent and intensity of such requests. So it's Monday and there's an adjustment. Too much too little non productive and watching porn and masturbating so you've got to get the balance right. This is probably where the brain makes the decision too use the drug effectively to make a better life or abuse the drug ineffectively and behind all...
Deep Jack Handy Thoughts
THIS IS MY LIFE. I think useless thoughts that go nowhere and have no conclusion.
I wish I could keep trying and failing
I want to be fucked more than anything, but the terror I experience projecting my failure spoils the mood through seven stages of grief.
Successful ignorance and avoidance ended tonight
A perspective shift can often make a huge difference. After I shared this I realized my flirting misunderstand and Subway explanation may have made me look even more like an idiot.
Mid June update
No drugs. Good memories.
Lots of drafts
Filler blog. Nothing new.
The down streak
In keeping with lights pattern of having bad things happen when you're in a bad mood and multiple bad things happening in threes or in groups, this isn't a great Monday. It seems my server has upgraded websites to a newer PHP that isn't compatible with all the plugins I use so that's one thing. The site that I'm working on that should be done by now but it keeps dragging on because AI makes errors that I don't notice or test for and so a finished product is always the next day and then it breaks something else. Client is upset and I'm ignoring them. Being told that I should progress more and work towards moving out was particularly mood shifting both short-term and long-term because it will not leave the prime focus of my mind and since I'm not currently using the drug that keeps me...
Week two. Burnt buzzes
Taking a break but not quitting.
After this break
After a break
They’re laughing at me, aren’t they?
Fuck. Realization.
Another day outside Paradise
Recap of my horrid morning.
More sadness posts
A horrid hungry morning
The party life sync problem.
Very high on k at the end. More updates later.
Problem stacking
Life. Don’t talk to me about life.
How well do I know people
Good morning blog about how my brain creates a decision making process about everything. I have to choose to trust blindly and it gets harder every year
Wow. Two masking dudes
A brain to gboard unedited script here, but if luck hits it right a different version will magically start an income for something I want to give away
Is the wall breaking?
A shit post about shit.
