A script for a parody of an adopt a rooster commercial.
Rooster adoption
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rooster
Wakey wakey
I only woke up twice last night and I only had to pee one of those times. Then I woke up about 5:15 a.m. and was going to get up and start my day and then suddenly the 7am alarm went off. I don't actually come out and open the chicken coop and feed the animals till about 8:00 a.m. now because it...
The rooster seems horny this morning
I just got back inside from feeding the pigs this morning and I leave food both in the chicken coop for the late riser chickens and a nice dish outside for the rooster and the two red hens that came out quickly this morning. They will eat what they need and then I'm...
The early bird special
It's the first nice day after 4 days of rain so the animals are happy to be outside. I am too. Fall in Ontario It's a season that most people seem to like. At least they post online that it's their favorite season while the colors are still changing and there's lots...
The Rooster came at me again.
Just as I was starting to get used to the rooster walking closely to me, my confidence was shattered as it came at me three times. I didn't have my defensive cane but I shushed it away with my hands and no physical contact with made. He tried three times for no...
The early bird special.
So today I came out to feed the birds there 4:00 p.m. dinner and laid out a nice spread for them as usual minus the grain that has been decided they no longer need. I was cheerful and looking for them since they weren't around and I don't like to leave the food out in...
The world, she is a changing
I don't know much about how the real world is changing but here on the farm the rooster and I have almost made up. He hung around me today close and didn't maintain eye contact which I take as a sign of trust. The pig was also out of the coop wondering the backyard it...
Funny Hen Habits
I keep changing my mind as to whether or not chickens are smart or stupid. I suppose, just like any other animal, they have certain things that they are aware of and good at and other things that they just can't comprehend. I think when it comes to food they probably...
He’s found a new way to annoy me
The feud between the rooster and I has calmed. It's easy to spot his intentional change in attitude as he clearly walks in directions away from me or around me even when the other hands walk right by me. He can't avoid me because I'm the one that brings him his food...
Even A.I. Hates my Rooster
This is pretty neat. I was offered a free trial of this Artificial Intelligence copywriting tool, and in the moment I couldn't think of any real practical use - so I entered two options. I hate my Rooster and Everybody hates Roosters. This is what it produced: Why I...
I think I’m feeding the rats
Recently I have started paying a little bit more attention to how quickly the chickens finish their meals. As a child, and even as a young adult I suppose, my parents and friends were always commenting on how fast I ate. I would frequently be stuffing my mouth with...
Rooster Reminder
Although I didn't expect to feed the hens today, I gave them some nice food around 4:00 and it was a good assortment of three different types of food. We have several locations we feed them into keep things interesting so I fed them at the northernmost elevated...
OOPS. I didn’t notice it rained
Shortly after I fed the chickens on the rooster this morning it rained so their food kind of turned to mush. That makes them extra hungry at lunch time and I'm feeding them up on the porch under the roof right in my way. However, I did get my stick back so I feel like...
Another surprise lunge
Is that how you spell lunge? As I was speeding the hens and the rooster I held my baseball bat to the side while I poured the food from above onto one of the dishes as I was going towards the second dish the rooster came at me surprisingly fast. I didn't have time to...
My (his) defence stick is gone
I'm pretty sure the rooster didn't take it and I walked the grounds looking for it. Last time it was my fault and it was just outside but this time it looks like he's used it and put it down somewhere. I'm going to assume not intentionally and not maliciously but it...
8am. I let the dogs out. Oof oof
They don't seem to like waking up when I ask them at 7:00 a.m., but they let me know what 8:00 a.m. it's time to pee. It's a nice chill September morning so I come outside with them. The chickens have eaten and are down the yard so I don't feel like I need my defense...
Attack Thwarted
One of the dogs was my hero. At least in his mind when he went after the rooster for attacking me. The rooster didn't have a chance and didn't make contact but my reaction was always being startled and that generally means loud and that plays to the dog like I'm in...
Do Roosters carry rabies?
I know they don't. Probably. It was a brief fantasy about finding a reason to get rid of the rooster and win the war once and forever. Another attack from the front line happened this morning. I also witnessed the rooster being a bit of a bastard. Not doing his...
Good Monday. Dull Monday
I actually think I got some sleep although I'm not certain. It was a bit of some confusion but I know I definately did sleep today during a time when 3 calls came through. The boss was calling to tell me thew new way to do my job. So much for getting them used to a...
I can’t believe he still tries to make a run now and then.
I was almost at the steps to the house when I turned my back and the rooster. It's usually a safe spot especially since the food is a long way away. I think you may be mad because I didn't bring out a fifth portion for him which for a while I was doing, It's so hard...
Afternoon Feeding Conflict
I placed the majority portion of food in the elevated area near the door. Because, it had rained earlier, I had to reach to grab the main dish, flip it over and let the water out as everyone came running, eager for their dinner portions. I set my defence stick down...
I’m a few minutes early today.
Actually, I'm on schedule but the three remaining birds that are last to go back to the coop in the evening are still out. The rooster and his two first officers. So I sit up at the front seeing if they go inside in the next short while. You don't seem to have noticed...
War stories
Since I don't have children, it follows that I don't have grandchildren so I won't sit around when I'm old telling my war stories to anyone who will listen. That's what blogs are for. No one has to listen, and in fact no one is really reading this continuing saga but...
I guess the war is over.
I'm not saying that the rooster trusts me now or that we have any kind of relationship but it does seem as though he's less confrontational now. He's finally figured out I'm the one that's feeding him and the battle isn't worth it. I think it's been 3 days where...
It shat on my hat.
I was in my room the other day making videos as I am want to do and I realized I couldn't find my orange hat. In Canada we call them toques and I'm not sure I know how to spell it. In the states like thank you call them beanies but essentially they're just winter hats...
Summer Falls by the Falls
I had a fall this morning. It was scary shit for a short while because it was a multi-stage fall knocking over various things as I tried to save myself on the way down. I don't remember what started it. Things like happen unexpectedly and you're not concerned about...
Am I boring you with my evil rooster stories?
Warning. This blog was voice transcribed from the bathroom after feeding but I don't have my teeth in so I noticed a lot of errors. I should probably go and edit it manually but I'm pretty sure I won't. Not much has changed over the past while. The rooster still tries...
Monday morning dog surprise
Today was a special Monday, or at least it is supposed to be. It is the day I planned to finally throw out the secret garbage I've been keeping in my room for far too long. I call it secret garbage because I wouldn't want to throw it out using the normal procedure...
Sunday movie night
It's 3:14 in the afternoon on a Sunday. Pie time I sometimes call it although there It's almost never any pie. I miss pie. A good old-fashioned cafeteria style apple pie is hard to find these days. Swiss Chalet still sells one although restaurant desserts are a little...
More chicken shit to deal with.
So the rooster has figured out this none shall pass power that he has When he standing where I need to be and I can't get by. We waited out As I inch and inch. Gaining ground until such time as I can squeeze past while maintaining eye contact at all times. He tries to...
Blockade
Today's adventures with the rooster involve them hanging out by the door. I don't like this. They want to be fed earlier and I'm already feeding them an hour earlier than I was last week. Unfortunately today I just discovered that my defense of stick and both the...
Rooster Friday
Not much to report him the human versus rooster wars today. Ever since our epic battle he seems to understand that I need to get to the food area to feed them and today he let me walk by him back towards the house. He still feels a little uneasy eating if I'm in view...
SmackDown Day
Today's Rooster adventures were a little different. Due to some sleep issues I'm working out, I slept in and didn't get downstairs till 745 instead of my usual 720/730ish I used to start even earlier but decided the neighborhood probably benefitted from the extra 30...
Best laid plans vs Chicken logic
When I can out the door for the afternoon feed, the weak chickens that linger in different circles are always first to detect me, and the waddle towards me. Over the past couple of days I've tried to death feed them their own portion before the rooster and his harem...
Mojo and Me
I learned the name of the rooster's mojo but I prefer calling it the rooster anyway because calling it by its name implies some form of relationship. I suppose in a way we do have an adversarial relationship he wants to attack me and I want to avoid being attacked. He...
1 Point Rooster.
I'd fed them. I was posing no threat.i was almost inside the house but I showed my back to the Rooster and somehow it magically transported 40 feet and lunged. It was so fast and startling I honestly don't remember the details. It didn't make contact as my telec3s...
Differences from yesterday’s Blog
It's become clear that there is very little that is interesting about my tasks. Blogging everyday about feeding the chickens, avoiding the rooster, feeding the chickens again and letting the dogs out, and then going to feed the pig just as his owner comes home and...
Day two. It doesn’t get easier..
Doing pretty much the same thing every day doesn't necessarily get easier. For someone with attention deficit disorder it can actually get more difficult because each day it becomes less interesting and the temptation to be creative and look for ways to make it fun...
The cat and the cock
Rough start to the day. My first official work day where I am in charge of the animals morning afternoon and evening and potentially already lost a cat. It's freaking me out. I did everything fine but you know how easy it is for me to get distracted and I didn't fully...
Same accident. Different door
So as of 8:14 a.m. on Tuesday August 2nd I am possibly missing a cat, or not one may have escaped outside which is really bad for at least one or two of the cats and reasonably bad for the third. If it's the bad cat and I don't mean bad cat I mean if it's the cat that...
The Monday before I have to pay attention again.
I'm feeling more stressed than I need to be,but that doesn't really help. Then again, my stress has always been pretty mild. Since I go with the flow about everything, worrying about the future is a useless pastime. He starts a job tomorrow that will take him out of...
My Nemesis… The Rooster.
I forget his name, but I don't remember anything from my past I wanted to kill more. I dream about the ways. Roosters are kind of useless most of the time. This one is all up in your space, and if I'm not careful, he'll make my ankles bleed. I want to kick him like a...
