General Blog Messages

Not every blog needs its own category. A lot of the time I just start typing what I had planned for the log post isn’t what it ends up being. Most of the posts in this category should not contain a lot of heavy drug use for mentions but I can’t guarantee it.

General Blog Messages

Mood Swing

I had to abandon my whole shopping cart at Walmart today. They declined my card. The app shows I have enough money. It just fails. I'm out with family and that spoiled my day. It's not just that I can't buy my groceries and I'll have no fudgcycles or chocolate when I...

Not every blog needs its own category. A lot of the time I just start typing what I had planned for the log post isn’t what it ends up being. Most of the posts in this category should not contain a lot of heavy drug use for mentions but I can’t guarantee it.

Am I proud?

Am I proud?

This past week I started my trend of creating videos and manipulating images while high. In the past year or so, there has been amazing advancements in AI video and image creation. So I had quite a bit of fun this week and created a whole bunch of images and videos that I can't really share with the general public. It's a shame that the images I'm proud of, I can't. be proud of in public because...

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The 3:30am decision

By now, it's pretty much a given that day 3 comes and goes without sleep. It's Wednesday and for a short moment it seemed like there was a chance I might fall asleep, but then I make the decision to stay up, so I blow three clouds. I've been listening to a lot of hypnosis files on this binge. I've also spent much of the time in the alternate universe of Second Life. I have not gone back to do...

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The morning shift.

It's 930am. I'm over stimulated after my first deep sleep and ready to start the final leg of my mini holiday. I'm already stressed and tired.

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The routine adapts

I had two good sleeps, back to back. All day and all-night Friday. Today I need to concentrate on nourishment. I need more food in me to give me strength and energy. It would have been the right time to take a break from daily usage. I smell. The room smells. I'm worn out and not being the right amount of social. It's almost November when my mood usually dips. The world switches to holiday mode....

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The chain of events

The chain of events

It was 630am the day after my birthday. The phone rang. It kept ringing and I woke up mid dream eventually but didn't quite unlock the phone in time. Then it rang again and I saw the message; SOS. THE SITE IS DOWN. I knew why. It was my fault, sort of. I forgot to finish a task yesterday. The second part of a two step process to download and delete two backup files which were huge and violated...

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I miss the mornings of the past

I miss the mornings of the past

Mornings used to be fun. I'd wake up and turn on the radio and follow along with my morning radio friends. They do crazy things and share opinions and take requests. I'd enter contests and even win occasionally. It was a belonging feeling.I still have most of the phone numbers memorized. In fact, the radio stations of my childhood are the only phone numbers I know without looking them up. In an...

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Crazy shit

Crazy shit

There are quite a few crazy things drug users do that seems foreign to those who are not. Rationalations and justifications and waking up at 230am on a much needed sleep day because it's probably confession day so I wanted to be high far enough in advance to mask the smell. Crazy shit. So now I'm at at 3am with nothing to do but wallow on self pity about doing crazy shit. And I'm close, but not...

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Distraction Post

Distraction Post

This is an experimental pull from Facebook that displayed all my profile pics. From Profile pictures. Posted by Jeff Goebel on 10/11/2010 (121 items) Ni I have found people responsive to my own mental illness when it becomes a topic. In m... Doplegammer! Generated by Facebook Photo Fetcher...

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I am your Orange

I am your Orange

Three different people shared this TikTok post with me last week.     View this post on Instagram A post shared by Beau Blackmore (@universeofoverthinkers)

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Am I proud?

New Farm Life

For the last 3 years I've lived on a half acre property that I called a farm. There was one gigantic pig, two dogs, nine cat, broken into two groups of four and five that weren't allowed to interact with each other, a bunch of chickens, and a mean rooster that I blogged about regularly. I left that life behind rather spontaneously, and moved out west to live on a bigger farm. I brought almost...

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The battle against regret

This is Friday. On Monday morning, I got into the car with my sister and we started a mini vacation to the Vancouver area. I am not certain how I feel about the whole experience yet because I've been under the influence of my drugs in secret the whole time. I have been masking normality as best as I can without knowing if anybody can tell. I can't even tell. I like to think I'm not really very...

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Am I normal enough for you?

I am feeling anxious today. It's the last day of my week long mini vacation as with most things, the end means it's time for evaluation. Both inside my head, and on the minds of others, in this case, my travel companion sister. She has real concern for my wellbeing and that creates a kind of guilt I'm not familiar with. I learned not to care so much about how friends care about me because my...

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Uneasy feeling. Mind and body

I don't feel good. I'm thinking too much and it's making me feel almost sick. I don't say anything because it will start something I'm not equipped to handle now. I can't decide whether eating would have helped or not. I can't decide anything. It is not a pleasant state to be in.

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If I was honest, nobody would believe me

My story is one that is probably so foreign to many people, that it seems made up, or at least exagurated. I am an odd case. I was almost self raised with less guidance that I would have gotten if I was left with wolves. I suppose when I start making statements like that, you can see why people might not believe me. At an early age parents knew that I was smart. I was good at figuring things out...

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Am I proud?

A new twist on my continuing idea.

A lot of my ideas for businesses come from previous ideas expanded. There are things that I want to do but. because I'm me haven't been able to do and so I keep coming back to them with different versions until maybe one day I can. complete one.. My current project at club Frostar may change directions in the next little while as I've learned the market for it may not be as big as I had...

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Am I proud?

Emotions are confusing

It's September 10th already. A lot has happened around me and including me and I have not been handling it very well. I wasn't even blogging about it. I just got high and tried to avoid consequences. I'm not happy in a different way than I was before. More guilt here if I don't progress. I haven't decided whether I've want to progress or whether I want to stay state of doing the bare minimum. If...

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Has it only been one day?

Has it only been one day?

It seems so long since I've blogged but apparently, it was yesterday. I did nothing today. My only accomplishment besides getting the mail and eating was the brilliant idea to check the internet about my problem with the broken tv. I got it working around 5pm so my day could end with some entertainment instead of just more sleep. I did almost no work for my web project or my customers. I'm out...

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Blah blah blah Tuesday

Blah blah blah Tuesday

I don't really feel like doing anything today. Even this blog was a chore. I almost just typed blah and saved it at that. Today is one of those days where I take mental stock of my situation and blah is the best I can come up with. It's better in most ways than it was before my move, but in many ways it's unchanged. Sure, I'm not suffering in a 100° F bedroom all alone. This bedroom is an ideal...

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Club.frogstar.com

I want to share with you a dream project I have been developing. It is an online private social club for drug fans to hang out and mingle. Unlike many social media sites, we won't block you for drug content. I own a hosting company and I'm a web developer so the sky is potentially the limit. Nobody is doing something like this. All the other companies have stuffy community guidelines and they...

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It’s hard doing nothing among the busy

It’s hard doing nothing among the busy

When I lived in Niagara Falls, it was common to sleep a day. To wake up, look around, and then go back to sleep and repeat until it was the next day. I didn't do it all the time but I certainly did it more than occasionally. Even on the days when I was awake, I didn't really leave the bed. My computer was accessible without standing up. In a life where you don't have a car, and the bus is...

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Am I proud?

Fuck god didn’t let me say it.

The most significant fucking dream of my life And I woke up to pee at the best part. I probably can't explain it in the detail of needs now. Fuck. I was doing a court ordered monologue on stage for my admission to the good place, and I made it, but they didn't let me finish. Fuck. I wanted to finish. It was explaining who I am at first  to the whole world, then to just a few  and crew. I was...

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Scary Mafia Dream

Last night I had a scary dream. I had gotten myself into trouble by becoming involved with a mafia drug dealer that freely killed people in front of me. I was following the rules and instructions as I do, but I wasn't being treated fairly. Other employees were being paid and I was being charged money. I had a finger cut off for some disobedience a

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Am I proud?

How AI is Revolutionizing Content Creation: A Deep Dive into Jetpack AI Assistant

Well, well, well... Look who's trying to make their content fun! Don't worry, I'm here to spice things up for you. So, let's take this party to the next level and talk about how Jetpack AI Assistant is changing the content creation game! It's like having your own personal writing wizard (well, except I'm not wearing a pointy hat...or am I?). With Jetpack's Natural Language Processing (NLP)...

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CTRL-ALT-DELETE Life Reboot.

I saw an old video clip featuring Adam Sandler sketch from Saturday Night Live this week. It was a travel commercial parody about Italy. It's main focus was the single premise; Of you're not happy at home, you won't be happy here. https://www.facebook.com/reel/1441302373301209?mibextid=9drbnH&s=yWDuG2&fs=e This is a well done mockery of depression that I can chuckle at. It's a situation...

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Travel photography…snapshots of that moment you’ll never look at again

Travel photography…snapshots of that moment you’ll never look at again

After my recent throw everything I own in the garbage moment, I find myself evaluating what to keep moving forward.I tossed my personal art photo album.that was a momentarily emotional loss. All my artistic photography from the days when the cameras used film and you waited weeks or months to take 24 or 36 shots, and then send them away to be processed before you could see the results...

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Finding Smiles

Finding Smiles

It's not always easy, and you need to train yourself, but with practice it is possible to find humour in so many things in life that other people might not.I am 30,000 feet up in the air today. I'm above the clouds, and probably won't undo my seatbelt and try to move for the next four hours or so.This is a discount airline without entertainment or wifi so I don't have much to entertain me except...

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Am I proud?

Using up my un-used burden points

Fuck it. Throw it all away. This time I mean it. I sense a pattern. I don't like the whole act of moving, so I always end up just staring into space for the final week, not able to compartmentalize tasks, and then I just walk away with things undone, leaving a massive mess for the owners to deal with. I stop caring about anything and walk away. It's 720am today and I've been in bed eating...

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To be continued

To be continued

It's 5:17am and I'm up smelling that horrible coffee smell, possibly for the last time. The final full day in Ontario, quite possibly forever. There were a few last-minute offers to stay but they were really more idealistic procrastination stalls. I forced the play and although I'm not ready on a few levels, I am tired of not being ready. My brain is grasping for excuses. Even now, as I sit up...

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Am I proud?

A new first…

As I draw closer to the end of this chapter of my life, I didn't expect to get into many new fighting matches. I didn't see today's manic outburst coming, but of course, in hindsight, I should not have been surprised that my comments ignited such rage. A conversation I was offering as a helpful hint about society in general was perceived as a personal attack and his defence anger switch was...

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Things I do wrong, part 47

Things I do wrong, part 47

Last Saturday and Sunday I helped Willie with some landscaping. Apparently this signified the beginning of a life change for me where I was supposed to spend several hours every day for the rest of my stay here helping him with his busy work. I don't mean that as an offensive term although it may sound that way, it's the kind of work that is very personal to him and it's not the kind of work I'm...

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Am I proud?

Motivation stall

It's Wednesday morning at 8:45 a.m. and already I haven't done anything. Starting on Sunday I was quite motivated to be productive and then Monday and Tuesday I followed up with slightly lessened productivity but still 3 days that I consider somewhat progressive towards the goal of cleaning my room and moving out. It's already over 30° in my room with minimal ventilation of any kind. The radio...

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Am I proud?

Mid May update

There are moments in my life when I'm not sad. Not many these days, but some. Today had a few of those moments in between the depression. I paid down the electricity bill by begging for help. A $900 payment stayed off the disconnect, but not for long. Despite paying off all I thought I owed, the new invoice arrived for an extra $500. I also owe more than $300 on the Internet bill. This week,...

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Thoughts of self harm

That's what the doctors always ask you. Have you had any thoughts of self-harm or similar wording. The one time I hinted that I didn't care if I lived, I got a psychiatrist assigned to me and at the beginning or end of every appointment he has the same thing. I'd always answer; i do not have a thoughts of self-harm, But I don't rule it out It's a long-term solution. Of course most people who are...

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3.46am. may the forth be with you.

I'm eating the last soft chocolate chip cookie. It's hard to fall asleep at 3am after an epic afternoon and evening on classic ecstasy and lots of weed. Lots. Only two more bites of cookie before lights out, trial 2. Just to make sure it's not successful, I just took two really big chokes before lights out. This means lights will probably be back on before long.

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Waves of Sadness between naps

Waves of Sadness between naps

I don't blog much anymore. I don't do much. Even when life events happen of any significance, like a gigantic bruise on my leg that is ever expanding after the pig attacked me earlier this week. I'm sleeping poorly most nights because my body has developed a new enhanced allergy to the 2000 bed bugs that attack and suck my blood each night. I wheeze and make awful noises, staying up till...

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The Lollypop effect

Some point form. I am not certain if I'm high on a strong edible weed or shroom. It was quite a wave of dumb for a while and I'm sad I didn't start this post till now. My mind came up with a whole campaign about politics. Oh yeah... If you're working for less than it costs to live, then you're the newest form of slave. No abortions allowed and costly healthcare keeps the minimum wage workers...

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I’m on Russian TV, 24/7 without knowing

A thought occured to me 2 hours into an edible I knew I should have saved. It would have been killer before I'm already high. I enjoy the edible come up and high. Storytime. Inyeruption. Second life version of the Canadian speakers corner if licencable or usable like Britain In second life, live and edited. Possibly better with open m o Open os All my second life ideas back as I build my own...

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Am I proud?

I think I broke my eye

I have to go see a doctor about my eye. This is bad because I have four other things I should get checked too. I could find out I'm really sick, and so I don't go see a doctor, but the eye thing could be serious, and the sore breath could be a thing, and the poor breathing and wheezing could be a thing, and my sore left thigh could be a thing. But my eye is visually disturbing and a Google...

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The Lollypop effect

Some point form. I am not certain if I'm high on a strong edible weed or shroom. It was quite a wave of dumb for a while and I'm sad I didn't start this post till now. My mind came up with a whole campaign about politics. Oh yeah... If you're working for less than it costs to live, then you're the newest form of slave. No abortions allowed and costly healthcare keeps the minimum wage workers...

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Am I proud?

It was April Fools day

I didn't even go online. I don't like looking foolish . I like trust and April fools day is probably only a year or two from being bannedIn Canada, it's another one of our monthly long weekend, so our April fools is always the first Monday , not the first.We also celebrate our July 4th on the first but we're not independent do we call it Canada Day.We make the entire spring budget because we...

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Another Microsoft voice recognition test

Another Microsoft voice recognition test

I haven't been very happy with Microsoft voice recognition in the past but recently I noticed that there is a microphone on the Windows 10 software keyboard function. When I click it, I can type sentences like this using my voice instead of the keyboard. It's exceptional and hardly ever makes a mistake so I decided I should give Microsoft voice recognition a second try.  To my surprise, it still...

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Masking Depression

It's weird to be depressed on depression medication. It's hard to define medicated contentment. I don't cry all day, but I'm not productive. My truth is, I'm masking some of my worst depression by sleeping till 2pm or 5pm like I did today. I have very little actual work to do and few customer needs. I just mope, watch 3 hours of TV and scroll Instagram before going back to bed. A lot of my feeds...

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Am I proud?

Saturday the 18th Already

I should use the date as a blog title and go on about how fast time moves when you don't create any milestone memories, but I did and I will. I didn't blog about Pi day or St Patrick's Day. I didn't blog about my Daniel Day or the TV shows on this month. I didn't blog about re-uniting (briefly) with an old friend I had ghosted and I hardly mentioned any progress on the idea of packing up and...

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Today was a good day

Today was a good day

Today was a good day. I didn't sleep during the day and I got a lot of stuff done including some backlog work with a customer I actually avoided for over 2 weeks. I made up and he didn't seem too upset. It's not really a lie to say it was a health reason I was unavailable for the last three weeks for him. The world is accepting mental health as a real thing these days. I didn't have to elaborate...

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Am I proud?

Sadness means less blogging

My time away from the high has resulted in hours of sleep and a bit of reflection and pondering thrown in. We had two days of Spring before winter returned this week. A normal February. It gets light earlier but is still not bright past about 6pm. I've picked up a winter cold, possibly due to feeding the animals in only a t shirt each day. My weird nasel breathing has returned with a wide...

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My ADHD post

I'm not saying this post has anything to do with ADHD, except for the fact that I have ADHD and I know for a fact that I will not get to the end of the blog post I intended without interruptions and distractions. I must now confess that I have completely forgotten what I was going to blog about. And then I remembered. And then I remembered why I keep forgetting it. It's a blog post I want and...

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Am I proud?

Weekend Update. Monty Hall kept me up

I was awake all night again. I boofed the very last of my bong water in a single syringe that gave me an all day boost from noon till now. Part of my evening was obsessing over the Monty Hall math problem. Although tired, I worked on that task from 1am till 3am changing my mind a few times. I'm still not 100% the commonly accepted answer is the correct one  Math can be tricky when chances and...

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Beautiful Ontario Spring Afternoon

Beautiful Ontario Spring Afternoon

I don't know what the temperature is, but I'm happy to sit outside in my backyard chair and watch the dogs jump around and play with each other in the sunlight just before the evening starts. It's early February and more often than not this week would still be snow covered and cold but today there is sunlight and It's the kind of day that Ontario calls spring. My breath still creates a slight...

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Super Pig. Super Powers

Super Pig. Super Powers

They say that pigs are supposed to be one of the most intelligent animals in the animal kingdom. I haven't seen an example of that with my pig. Oops I mean the pig that I take care of during the week, but to be fair there's not a lot of intelligence that's needed to sleep and eat and poop and repeat. This pig doesn't really have the opportunity to shine. Its life is rather dull and there isn't...

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Am I proud?

My fictional 60th

I wish I could remember all the stories in my dreams last night in as much detail as they contained. I remember three distinct stories but the details are already fading as I write this post. The latest, and perhaps the funniest storyline was when two agents knocked on the door where I was living, and conducted a deep search through all my belongings looking for page 58 of the script tolatest...

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Am I proud?

Rough wake up. Great sleep.

DREAMS ARE BACK! I didn't really notice I hadn't been dreaming and remembering them until they were back I had rich vivid dreams last night. Full plot and dialogue dreams. My alarm woke me at 7am from a detailed game of snooker that cost $20 an hour with lots of issues. A detailed script following a totally different story in a bad neighbourhood. I woke up a few times with more pee than previous...

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Free(ish) Pizza Therapy

Free(ish) Pizza Therapy

I had casually mentioned that I was out of food in one of the Kik groups and a complete stranger who only knows me from my messages there donated $17 towards the cause. Actually, he sent me $20 PayPal which got deleted down to about $17 after two transactions to get it into my bank account where I could merge it with the $14 I had and afford enough to buy a pizza. Two in fact I decided to go to...

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Saturday Half Day

Saturday Half Day

 My work life is pretty light these days. I only have a few customers left in my web business and my weekday job taking care of animals is only about a half hours worth of work split into three simple feeding tasks at breakfast, lunch and dinner. Even so, I don't sleep in. The weekend is still a break from that routine. I like sleeping in on Saturday. It was half past noon when I first picked up...

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Am I proud?

Ignore it and maybe it’ll go away

I'm always a little hesitant to talk about my life philosophy of ignoring everything that I don't like or that's difficult. I'm almost 60 and it hasn't quite caught up with me yet but who knows what the future holds. The amount of shit I have tossed over the wall of tomorrow to ignore today is substantial. Many things I could still get in trouble for. Luckily I don't plan on running for office...

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1pm wake up

1pm wake up

I know a number of people who sleep until the afternoon and then begin their day at 2 or 4pm on a regular basis. I have almost become them, except I'm still waking up before 7am... And then doing basically nothing till 2 or 3pm. It's a weird feeling to waste each day doing nothing except scrolling through 30 video clips on any of the various platforms. I'm not interacting with people. I just...

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When strains matter

I don't really smoke much weed. When I had cash, I bought a gram of shatter and used iwith my tab tig or pen. It could last a month It was a good way to fall asleep. Then I got some weed from a friend and it was quite good allowing me to fall asleep. Today, the new weed is new. Clearly more sativa than Indica I smoked some after Saturday Night Live and now I'm awake again. So now I'm going to...

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4 minutes but who’s counting?

I am, obviously. That's the number of minutes I waited after heating up the pigs breakfast. It's supposed to be 5 minutes on high, but did 4 minutes because it ended at 750 instead of 751 and the pig doesn't like it hot anyway. I hate that I still feel a bit guilty for breaking a rule.

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  • Chapter 7. Guelph.

    Chapter 7. Guelph.

    I’m coming up on my third week in the new home. It surprised me how little I’ve changed, despite a …
  • smackparadise: I need more friends who love too ruin their life with drugs, like me. We could bond over it. …
  • More about the emperor

    More about the emperor

    First flash. Government is designed as a cover story and it runs pretty much like a Christopher guest movies.a plot …
  • Just an image I like

    Just an image I like

    These 4 pictures are screen captures from one of very first meth music videos. It’s still one of my favourites …
  • Afternoon Feeding Conflict

    Afternoon Feeding Conflict

    I placed the majority portion of food in the elevated area near the door. Because, it had rained earlier, I …