General Blog Messages

By now, it's pretty much a given that day 3 comes and goes without sleep. It's Wednesday and for a short moment it seemed like there was a chance I might fall asleep, but then I make the decision to stay up, so I blow three clouds. I've been listening to a lot of hypnosis files on this binge. I've also spent much of the time in the alternate universe of Second Life. I have not gone back to do...

It's 930am. I'm over stimulated after my first deep sleep and ready to start the final leg of my mini holiday. I'm already stressed and tired.

I had two good sleeps, back to back. All day and all-night Friday. Today I need to concentrate on nourishment. I need more food in me to give me strength and energy. It would have been the right time to take a break from daily usage. I smell. The room smells. I'm worn out and not being the right amount of social. It's almost November when my mood usually dips. The world switches to holiday mode....

This is Friday. On Monday morning, I got into the car with my sister and we started a mini vacation to the Vancouver area. I am not certain how I feel about the whole experience yet because I've been under the influence of my drugs in secret the whole time. I have been masking normality as best as I can without knowing if anybody can tell. I can't even tell. I like to think I'm not really very...

I am feeling anxious today. It's the last day of my week long mini vacation as with most things, the end means it's time for evaluation. Both inside my head, and on the minds of others, in this case, my travel companion sister. She has real concern for my wellbeing and that creates a kind of guilt I'm not familiar with. I learned not to care so much about how friends care about me because my...

It's exhausting to not be a wreck in front of you, especially when you're there. All day. I think I let you down. I'm not what you were expecting.

I don't feel good. I'm thinking too much and it's making me feel almost sick. I don't say anything because it will start something I'm not equipped to handle now. I can't decide whether eating would have helped or not. I can't decide anything. It is not a pleasant state to be in.

My story is one that is probably so foreign to many people, that it seems made up, or at least exagurated. I am an odd case. I was almost self raised with less guidance that I would have gotten if I was left with wolves. I suppose when I start making statements like that, you can see why people might not believe me. At an early age parents knew that I was smart. I was good at figuring things out...

It's not a good Monday. Withdrawal, hydration, no sweets to eat. TV seems boring.

Don't be fooled by silent calmness.

I want to share with you a dream project I have been developing. It is an online private social club for drug fans to hang out and mingle. Unlike many social media sites, we won't block you for drug content. I own a hosting company and I'm a web developer so the sky is potentially the limit. Nobody is doing something like this. All the other companies have stuffy community guidelines and they...

Last night I had a scary dream. I had gotten myself into trouble by becoming involved with a mafia drug dealer that freely killed people in front of me. I was following the rules and instructions as I do, but I wasn't being treated fairly. Other employees were being paid and I was being charged money. I had a finger cut off for some disobedience a

I saw an old video clip featuring Adam Sandler sketch from Saturday Night Live this week. It was a travel commercial parody about Italy. It's main focus was the single premise; Of you're not happy at home, you won't be happy here. https://www.facebook.com/reel/1441302373301209?mibextid=9drbnH&s=yWDuG2&fs=e This is a well done mockery of depression that I can chuckle at. It's a situation...

That's what the doctors always ask you. Have you had any thoughts of self-harm or similar wording. The one time I hinted that I didn't care if I lived, I got a psychiatrist assigned to me and at the beginning or end of every appointment he has the same thing. I'd always answer; i do not have a thoughts of self-harm, But I don't rule it out It's a long-term solution. Of course most people who are...

I'm eating the last soft chocolate chip cookie. It's hard to fall asleep at 3am after an epic afternoon and evening on classic ecstasy and lots of weed. Lots. Only two more bites of cookie before lights out, trial 2. Just to make sure it's not successful, I just took two really big chokes before lights out. This means lights will probably be back on before long.

Some point form. I am not certain if I'm high on a strong edible weed or shroom. It was quite a wave of dumb for a while and I'm sad I didn't start this post till now. My mind came up with a whole campaign about politics. Oh yeah... If you're working for less than it costs to live, then you're the newest form of slave. No abortions allowed and costly healthcare keeps the minimum wage workers...

A thought occured to me 2 hours into an edible I knew I should have saved. It would have been killer before I'm already high. I enjoy the edible come up and high. Storytime. Inyeruption. Second life version of the Canadian speakers corner if licencable or usable like Britain In second life, live and edited. Possibly better with open m o Open os All my second life ideas back as I build my own...

Some point form. I am not certain if I'm high on a strong edible weed or shroom. It was quite a wave of dumb for a while and I'm sad I didn't start this post till now. My mind came up with a whole campaign about politics. Oh yeah... If you're working for less than it costs to live, then you're the newest form of slave. No abortions allowed and costly healthcare keeps the minimum wage workers...

I'd invest in Linden labs

It's weird to be depressed on depression medication. It's hard to define medicated contentment. I don't cry all day, but I'm not productive. My truth is, I'm masking some of my worst depression by sleeping till 2pm or 5pm like I did today. I have very little actual work to do and few customer needs. I just mope, watch 3 hours of TV and scroll Instagram before going back to bed. A lot of my feeds...

I'm not saying this post has anything to do with ADHD, except for the fact that I have ADHD and I know for a fact that I will not get to the end of the blog post I intended without interruptions and distractions. I must now confess that I have completely forgotten what I was going to blog about. And then I remembered. And then I remembered why I keep forgetting it. It's a blog post I want and...

I don't really smoke much weed. When I had cash, I bought a gram of shatter and used iwith my tab tig or pen. It could last a month It was a good way to fall asleep. Then I got some weed from a friend and it was quite good allowing me to fall asleep. Today, the new weed is new. Clearly more sativa than Indica I smoked some after Saturday Night Live and now I'm awake again. So now I'm going to...

I am, obviously. That's the number of minutes I waited after heating up the pigs breakfast. It's supposed to be 5 minutes on high, but did 4 minutes because it ended at 750 instead of 751 and the pig doesn't like it hot anyway. I hate that I still feel a bit guilty for breaking a rule.