I wish I had the nerve and the talent to properly express myself on websites and figure out how to meet people and mingle.

I am a 59-year-old male with excellent communication skills. I’m a nice guy but I am asexual and have never really experienced passion or horniness or sex. I’m awkward. I react differently than people expect to just above every social situation and have a fear of asking for things or interrupting so I don’t start conversations well, but once started I am excellent at conversation. I am likable and I have developed the skill of making people happy. 

However, I’m terrified of anything sexual or sexually related. Even conversations are difficult when they become sexual. 

I need a buddy when I party. Somebody who assures me it’s all okay. I don’t know how to do that though so I just avoid parties and party people. I’ve never really gotten high in a party environment and really happened done much one-on-one with women either.

So I just avoid it. I stay away. I read the Reddit drug groups and see all these women who want to get high and seem to enjoy sex and I just think about what will never be for me

It’s hard for people to comprehend what asexuality is. It’s hard for people to understand what it’s like to not have sexual attraction. To not be gay but not entirely heterosexual either. I prefer the company of women and the form of the human body of women but I don’t know how to do any of that stuff so I avoid it and live a solo lifestyle.

I still enjoy reading the messages and dreaming of the day I figure out how to find a fun party partner but I’m pretty content living without. Perhaps content isn’t the right word. I have accepted and adapted because the thought of trying and being embarrassed keeps me away.