As of 3:30 this morning, there is a stealth cat loose in my bedroom. It has made falling back to sleep slightly more difficult than usual. Actually, the falling asleep part isn't so hard bit waking up out of my usual sleep cycle routine is the distressing part. The cat makes a slight and time...
I probably won't get to sleep till after midnight but I rest. I had plans to go out tonight but instead spent my money on food a few other things. I'm on a tight budget this month trying to make all my payments without them slipping into next month which isn't as profitable as this month. This is...
When people on a diet want a piece of cake they declare a cheat day. There doesn't seem to be any rule except that all rules are out the window. I've been setting very tiny goals for myself each day but today I didn't get much done at all. It's 4:00 p.m. now and I go...
Doing pretty much the same thing every day doesn't necessarily get easier. For someone with attention deficit disorder it can actually get more difficult because each day it becomes less interesting and the temptation to be creative and look for ways to make it fun...
So as of 8:14 a.m. on Tuesday August 2nd I am possibly missing a cat, or not one may have escaped outside which is really bad for at least one or two of the cats and reasonably bad for the third. If it's the bad cat and I don't mean bad cat I mean if it's the cat that...
I'm feeling more stressed than I need to be,but that doesn't really help. Then again, my stress has always been pretty mild. Since I go with the flow about everything, worrying about the future is a useless pastime. He starts a job tomorrow that will take him out of...
It sounds familiar in my head but to be honest I'm not positive my mother's birthday is July 7th. I think it is and they're all purposes, that means it is. I create my own canonBut this post isn't really about my mother. I stopped thinking about them for the most part...
I feel rather silly telling you this but it's a good story so I don't mind. I recently moved back into Toronto to downtown West. The previous times I've lived in Toronto it has been well out into the suburb neighborhoods. I'm in Parkdale which is the west side poor...
I moved back to Toronto and found a nice little place for the first month to stay started work on Monday and on Thursday I left early. Friday we were closed for the whole next week with covid and I didn't blog a bit. I didn't really move much. I just sat in bed alone...
The plans for today are in flux. As I was turning the key to lock the back door, my phone rang. My co-worker informed me that our boss has tested positive for Covid-19 and I should not come in to work. My mind floods with different thoughts and possible futures....
Today is Sunday. My practice day to see that I can wake up and get things done. I won't say I'm failing already, but it certainly wasn't a totally slow start. It's 10:30 and I feel like I will tackle my to-do list today out in the sun and feel better about it. I am...
In the past. I have always talked about each new move as a Chapter in my life story. I learn so many new things when I'm living in the house with other people. Now I think it might be time to modernize my terminology since so much about how we share our story is now...
I'm near tears right now, but managing. I had high hopes for a call from my doctor. I had plans of what to say. 45 seconds later, we were saying goodbye and I said nothing. I hate that. I hate myself right now. I accomplished nothing. I didn't get anything I was going...
It's not like there is any real significance to weekends when you're at home 24/7. I still honour our cultural traditions and not get high till Friday. But I got high not remembering it was Friday. This week went by fast for me because I have important work, and I've...
People say drugs change you. Your whole personality changes because of addiction. I understand that statement, and a self evaluation is hard, but I can certainly think about a few ways I've changed. I can imagine my close friends might notice even more changes. I had...
Over the years I have created a number of different tricks to start my day better. I know what I need to do to wake up and start being productive. As soon as I realize I'm up, I turn on all the lights to full brightness and stand up and stretch. The key is to not go...
I have do much to share but let's see what gets retained long enough for the blog. I flip flop a lot. Often several times a minute as I internally debate decisions. If I stall long enough somebody else will make it. My phyciatrist has a standard procedure of always...
Mental Profile As I was laying in bed tonight I realized this needed to be written. I couldn't go to sleep without waking up and writing down this latest idea of mine. The world has recently adopted the term mental health to include all of those who have some...
I got distracted on my way to writing this blog because it's 10:35 on the first Saturday of October and it occurs to me that I will probably be up at least another hour and could watch Saturday night live season premiere live for the first time in 2 years at least....
It's Wednesday of the week back work week and as of 5pm, I've done nothing. I had a glorious uninterrupted restorative sleep last night during a thunderstorm. I woke up at 730 and then went back untill about 1045. Since then I've just sat around playing on my phone...
I'm giving this one a second try. At the very least, you know, isn't quite as distracting. But I'm very easily distracted. I mean, something took me away from pizza. Not right don't go on camera when they're eating pizza. doesn't seem right for the day Really is...
They have a saying that anyone could be president and some people laugh that off. But the truth is, anyone probably can become president. If managed by smart people. All you need to do is be some people's favorite. And they'll bulk that in and buy everything you're...
0:04 I absolutely hate when one single click. Takes me so far away from what I was doing that sometimes I don't make it back. Period. Tonight was therapy. I shared who I am, with someone seeking approval that I'm just interesting enough to want to see more, period. I...
Have u mentioned the rock bottom practice of burning the brown spots off my collection of pipes. I don't clean, I conserve. I deckareto my usual tea party friends I was out and would be for a while. Zeppelin. I can hear my heartbeat kind of like a hirserace. I reach...
Imagine for a moment what it might be like to have a disconnect in your brain that spontaneously allowed for a second awareness. A second consciousness that remains seperate from your normal everyday life. For me, I am starting to figure out that my stoned...
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Although I enjoy the drug chat rooms, they are probably bad for me. They keep me active and wanting to be high more, to belong and avoid any suspicion that I project on them. I'm not typical so I feel I might be feared as an under over. I say stupid things sometimes....
I'm enjoying life despite the empenfing doom. I'm having fun. Making friends and being me. Awkward and odd in all my glory. I'm saying dumb sjit and apologizing and nobody seems to hate me. They forgive and move on. Ironically these new friends are all from a...
Sometimes I amaze myself with what I'm willing to do to appease others. In this case, it's as much appeasing myself I suppose. I'm mici g up emotions in my head. This week I happened to acquire $100 in cash. This is money that rightfully should be dedicated to paying...
I'd like to think I could be honest again, because I think I'm worth a second look. I only feel this is true. When I'm high. I did a huge thing today. I just did it. I got high on a drug that isn't weed. Let me lead into that. I have a story. I'm an interesting...
COMMUNITY BASED BROADCAST STUDIO#torontodrugs#canadadrugsDreams that actually came true.FROGSTAR.TV is part of the Frogstar family of related sites.KIK chat group website #torontodrugs#canadadrugs Access to this website from Canada only. This page was created to...
It turns out we do thank God it's Friday. Old English Frīgedæg ‘day of Frigga’, named after the Germanic goddess Frigga, wife of the supreme god Odin and goddess of married love; translation of late Latin Veneris dies ‘day of Venus’, Frigga being equated with the...
I've been blogging on my bus and subway rides as a good way to work out my feelings and mindset in between therapy. It's helpful, and I recommend it, even if you don't really tell anybody about the blogs. They can still be therapeutic. It's the new socially...
It's a Friday before what is now called memorial day weekend, although I remember when it was Victoria Day and many people in Canada call it may 2-4 weekend presumably because one year it fell on the 24th and a beer company ran commercials. We Canadians love our beer...
One of the early signs I'm off the wagon is 2am blogs and 4am blogs and 6am blogs and Second Life blogs. It means I'm staying up all night. I must have gotten high. It started with 5 Molly pills. I'd been without the pressed branded pills for about 2 years. The last...
I'm not sorry. I do not regret today's desision... But of course, I'd say that now, still under the influence of a euphoria I previous denied. I am euphoric and creative and excited. I have been writing all night. My normal behaviour was to take some MDMA and try to...
Watch how the conversation unfolded and tell me you want to invest. The world needs community in a world where we're not interacting like we used to. Community is key to happiness. Sadness shared is halfed. Happiness shared is doubled. We have the opportunity to...
I remember visually where I was standing when I first heard the CBC Radio announcer describing this piece of music he was about to play. It wasn't so much music like a song, but a tone. Somebody had invented, or discovered this tone that sounded like it was rising...
They gave me 6 demerit points for using Should in the title. Cartoon version of me. Bam Movie. 3 friends from high school download Sentiance Pak A. Lore. Egan downloads Sentiance Pak B. Data. The three of you look at each other with smiles, as will those of you...
My mind fluctuates between happiness and terror now that I'm blogging in a Universe that I recently shared with people I know. It's always been much scarier sharing with people I know. It's one thing to read about a person's troubles on screen, and form your version...
I grab a handful of Hershies kises from my salad bowl. I have admired that Hersheys kisses may be cute and addictive but I admire their shape because I bleieve it is engeniered to allow for a specific maximum per grab. I walk away with a serving size of chocolate. If...
I've been happier than my norm of late, and I can blame the drugs if I choose, but the condition has made me write, blog and share more. These are some of the things I actually typed to people when I felt cheerful, not high... but was probably high. The setup. Second...
Point Forms I have been trying Craigs List. I stopped Second Life although if I am going to be awake tonight (wink) I may try again. I need a person to be my #1 in there. It's to boring alone in my current life state and mood. I like Second Life on E, but not alone....
That hurt. I did OK in Second Life as Orange Jeff, but Live Jeff can't get women to notice him online.I must write horrible profiles.I put drug-friendly at the bottom on Tinder, almost like the escorts I dream about add party friendly to their ads. I'm willing to give...
A telling remark from a friend about why she just didn't get why the idea of Second Life was so great. She said something like, "why not just do things in this life". She doesn't get it. That's fine. I didn't for a half dozen years either. Here is a statement I...
Details of my imagined life are real, or as real as any story being told as truth. There is a line in the very first Jurrasic Park by Jeff Goldbloom; "Life finds a way"... argh. Is it Life will find a way? In any case, it stuck with me that our bodies and minds are...
I watch the sketch on cbc's this hour has 22 minutes tonight about a woman who was the happiest woman in Canada. The sketch then went on to portray her as a complete lunatic It bothered me because for the first few examples of her happiness was in line with the way...
Since I switched to paying for Howard Stern legally and Satellite radio in the car instead of the pop top 40 station I was clinging to. I will probably always prefer the up beat rave style music I used to call, rave music or sometimes techno. I liked it and it was...
22 elders gather in the center of the village. They quiet everyone down and start off poorly by predicting nobody will believe it. Starting a sentence with you're not going to believe this is as bad as .. Beetlejuice is as bad as cans. Ding. Interesting. Whoa. Ding...
It's 6:06 on a Sumday. I did not leave the house. I think I showered Friday. I have been getting worse. I have been doing nothing without a little more of the stuff. I have been aware that at some point soon, the positives woud turn to the negatives, but when my...
There are several directions this story could go from that heading. I intended it, as I used it several times today, Thursday, November 23rd. In Canada, a Thursday. Well, I suppose it is a Thursday everywhere, or was... but in the United States [sic] it is...
I don't like to be loud late at night when I'm not alone in the building. When I do the videos, I am loud. I get excited and volume is a full dimension of expression. On the other hand, I personaly hate loud. I fear it. It scares me and I shy away. I have three loud...
Today was a bad day. The third in a row. If we're counting, my hosting company has let my customers down four times. Four overnight downs. 2 fir mail, and twice for web but I only actually remember web once before. In any case, I've been caught using the same...
Sorry. False alarm. Something shiny. Its been a cool idea all along. Ham I have always been the creator of stories as far back as my favourite family support stories I like to be reminded of, so I thank you. Flash. Every time I see Ham ding swear jar contribution sjc...
Hello. My name is Jeff. I like Orange. I'm currently quite high. I'd like to tell you my story. I am a 53 year old simgle, never married, great best friend. I am social, and confident in myself in some ways, but only newly. I know I am a great person. I've worked hard...
I'm losing my morning person abilities. The winter and spring of 2017... I'm not waking up energized and dtsrting my work day anymore. I've even lost my proide in being a morning person. I hate it. I have not gained the late person powers. I still want to go to bed...
I saw wow. It's the moment of realization the loop isn't real. It is one moment on a journey. I can almost grasp the crucial end point, but once I figured out there is a moment when time began. The moment you realized you'd never notice a change. Once I realized the...
We're a few months into the 2016 seson, and a few shows have already been cancelled. It's time to list the shows I still watch weekly. In no particular order The Daily Show with Trevor noah Full Frontal with Samantha Bee @Midnight (occasional) TMZ (occasional)...
This month, I have taken To putting myself out there on a few legit and a few scam dating or hookup sites. It feels horrible trying to be normal. Trying to be me, but hide the parts that might turn a first impression sour, but my view of those points is biased, and...
There are a few places in life people need to wait. Some lines you can avoid, or do without. Some lines you can schedule and return at less busy times. It's hard to avoid the waiting room at a hospital. I suppose the rich can pay for better treatment in some cases,...
This week I saw a friend who is known for spiralling fits of depressing and public posts that range from pathetic to funny to worry some, posted a message. On the news, when people die of suicide, we often read of their friends saying they'd so this sort of thing all...
The Internet has changed lives in so many ways, but for people with mental health issues they normally keep quiet, this new communication tool has allowed us to live multiple lives simultaneously. The Internet allows us to carry on more than one conversation at the...
I have a very social relationship with many of my clients, having served them often for over 20 years now. One client of mine that I consider a friend, has a 19 year old son with amazing talent, and has recently started down the path of a singing career.As is the...
I just finished watching this week's 2014 Christmas edition of Saturday Night Live. It's odd to feel cheated that hardly any celebrities showed up this year. The only cameos were three former SNL Characters - so far anyway. The demographically perfect boy band One...
I go to a lot of places where artists show their work. Not so much official art galleries, but smaller marketplaces and shows. Festivals and public displays where artists rent small booths and try to sell their paintings or jewelry or other hand made work. I enjoy...
Apple does a few things really well, but one of the biggest impacts on the cell phone world, is the way they've managed to make getting the newest iPhone an obligation of your status. Of course, not every iPhone user lines up to be first, and many don't even bother...
Today is October 27th. A day some sons would remember, if it was the day their mother died, but I'll probably forget in time. I don't remember the date that my father died. I didn't really mourn their deaths. It's different situation when you say goodbye to family...
One of the issues I've had as an obsessive mind that overthinks every scenario of life, is regarding the idea of receiving gifts. I have very few memories of receiving gifts, where I enjoyed the process. That is one serious imaginary memory deficit. I'm not saying I...
One of the popular things that happens on Facebook from time to time, is your friends start posting lists and forwarding them. They also try to force you to do the same. I have a policy to not do anything on Facebook that a status post dared me or even asked me to...
I've always liked my writing style. It's sort of like the way I talk. It is something I do that I'm proud of, and there are not so many things in my life like that. However, I also don't seem to be able to do anything serious with it. I made a pledge to write a blog...
A new idea is exciting. It actually feels good. +1 Pleasure points. As I was thinking new thoughts the other day, I was able to actually feel the good feeling and sensation that comes with a new idea. Learning something new - at any age is good, and figuring it out on...