When you’ve chosen to live with minimal bathing routines like I have, you become aware of the odour you might be giving off.
I don’t really do anything to avoid if lessen it, but I aware it might be there. It might be worse than I believe.
I spent much of the day yesterday in a car with my friend and his daughter. I have asked him in the past if I smelled, even at times when I know I probably did, but he never reacts and assures me it’s fine.
Today, I am out again in a big GO bus and since I’ve been here, sitting in the back seat, two other people have moved away. Obviously there are many reasons why people may choose to move seats, but when you’re already a little paranoid, you tend to believe it’s you.
I tend to believe it’s me. The odd thing is, I don’t care. I have resolved to believe it doesn’t matter. Even if I stink the whole bus up, these strangers don’t know me. I’m just a smelly guy they experienced on their morning bus ride. I’m barely a story worthy of telling. I won’t be the first or last smelling guy on public transit.
They can judge me all they want in their own heads. I don’t feel pride in being the smelly guy on the bus, but I also don’t feel shame.
It’s a fascinating transition in my life. I have passed beyond the anxiety of worrying about how I present myself to the world,at least a little bit. I’m not ready to wear pijamas at Walmart yet, but that time may come.
I did go to the corner store in sweat pants for the first time this summer. That was a milestone.
I probably should have showered for today’s trip, but it’s such a process now to do so, it was easier just to change my life philosophy and live without. I still don’t know how bad the smell is but I don’t feel or look at less clean.