I knew eventually my worlds were going to collide and people would find out about the drug side of me that has crossed the line for most people. Heroin and meth seem to be the drugs that scare people more than the others. They'll still be friends with you if you smoke weed or you do some coke in...
Today my sister came close to yelling at me, but didn't. Still the feel of spontaneous anger caused by me took her by surprise. I guess in the 5 months of being here, shed witnessed very few failures and taking care of making sure the dogs get fed and watered is vital to her reputation as Canada's...
I start off every year with optimism that it will be better and then a few days in like today which I think is the 4th or 5th January I start to get discouraged that really it's exactly the same and the fact that the calendar picked January to the beginning probably...
It's just past midnight on a mid December Monday. My brain is thinking of the connections that had to have happened previous to tonight that led me to my latest iteration in my mind of the auto closing farm gate. My early days on the farm involved occasionally being a...
There is no denying that living in a bedroom that is almost 100° f is a bed that is infested with bed bugs that eat away at you each night by the hundreds in a house owned by an unpredictable control freak with lots of issues is not a healthy environment. My current...
I don’t consider it a relapse because it was never my intention to quit. I do see the irony of trying to keep my usage a secret while maintaing a public blog.
I can't tell if my insomnia today is real or in my mind. I'm not sure that it matters all that much, because either way, I'm still awake at 1:00 a.m. and I anticipate it's made last the whole night. Early this morning I blogged about how small a quantity of meth smoke...
I had very specific plans to do something when I woke up this morning. I had worked them out while I was asleep...kind of. I'm not sure about that limbo of almost asleep where my dreams may or may not be dreams. They might just be thoughts. In any case, I had a task....
Since I figured out a little bit more about how my brain works and what I need to be productive, it's been a a benefit and a negative. I can use it as a crutch to not be productive simply because I'm not doing one of the things that allows me to be productive, if that...
Most times I make an error, I know immediately because it's obvious. Something falls over or fails. Sometimes somebody else finds out for me, which I hate. Today I discovered my mistake this morning. It confused me at first. I couldn't believe it. A lot of times when...
I don't know how long it's been since I gave up using drugs, at least temporarily. I think it's been about two no three weeks. That doesn't sound right because it's only October 4th, but I remember sober weekends and I've been eating a lot more food, which means...
There was a brief time when things looked like they were going to be alright. I was on the prescribed dosage of amphetamine and Paxil and I wasn't depressed. I was confident and doing OK. Today I am not. I still have some of that newly discovered confidence, and I...
The Friday night video was recorded after a nice DAB toke of quality indica shatter. In other words, I got really high and started talking to the camera. Videos like this are often very abstract and hard to follow because my A.DD really kicks in when I'm...