I've been doing ok with life. I know I'm doing poorly and only getting a few tasks done per day. By around 3pm I nap or just stare at the ceiling. Later in the afternoon, I start TV and get a few shows in before sleep. More accurately, before I lay still awaiting sleep. Since Sunday I've been...
life
Funny thing happened on the way to the bin
Just as I’m preparing to move, life laughs at me

I have some emotions. Sadness Mostly.
I don't think about depression the same way anymore. I think about life more with sadness and frustration than I think about depression but I think it's all the same. I can't imagine what I'd be like if I wasn't taking my paxil daily. It allows me to be happy in the...
Read moreIt is a hell I have accepted and adapted to but something really should change because enjoying life is hard from here.

A lot of forgetting this weekend.
I decided it was time to blog about my wild weekend since they don't happen very often. The landlord had invited his son over and we sat in the kitchen the three of us and got super high on weed and lines of coke. Lots of lines of coke.. I didn't sleep Friday but I...
1am Again.
I can't tell if my insomnia today is real or in my mind. I'm not sure that it matters all that much, because either way, I'm still awake at 1:00 a.m. and I anticipate it's made last the whole night. Early this morning I blogged about how small a quantity of meth smoke...

I’m Chicken
I wish I had the nerve and the talent to properly express myself on websites and figure out how to meet people and mingle. I am a 59-year-old male with excellent communication skills. I'm a nice guy but I am asexual and have never really experienced passion or...

Tuesday Weather. 🌞 And ☁️
This post marks the very first time I have ever used emojis in the title and I have no idea whether they will translate to the browser or Apple computers or anything really. When I typed in sun and cloud these replacements were offered as options and I decided to...

End of the month. End of the stash.
I certainly should have expected I'd use up my stuff quicker than expected but it seems fitting I will be out on the last day of January. I have no regrets for my usage going up. Despite being a little suspect in the purity department, I really enjoyed this binge. ...

Another secret attempt at sharing
I'm almost 60 and about to stop using meth again. It puts my mind in a reflective mood reevaluating who I am, and what things I missed that might still be possible. It's part of a recurring trick my brain starts playing in an attempt to justify buying more drugs. I...

Jan 27. Pre-worry has begun
Every now and then, for a brief moment, I reflect on the negative aspects of my situation instead of living in the positive thoughts. This is one of those moments.

Disguised excuses
Every now and then I take note of something in my life that is different than I remember it being. The question I always ask myself is, is this because of my drug use or because I'm almost 60 years old. The good news is, whichever one I wanted to be it can be. In some...

Interesting or weird?
A brief evaluation of my current situation.

For no reason I’ll admit to
It's Saturday at 4,:30am. I woke up slightly off my regular schedule and broke a streak of consistency. I'd had several weird dreams related to non existent web design projects that seemed complex and broken, so I almost call them nightmares. I had a bit of a hunger...

Thursday Morning Muse
A good first message if you’re new here. My life snapshot.

The last day
An excerpt from my life story. One day.

The loop
I know I've talked about the loop before and honestly I know I've talked about a lot of different ones but this week I'm experiencing this week is the loop of doing the same thing over and over expecting different results where have I heard that before. I get high at...

I over thought my enjoyment
The last four days were fun. I stayed hyper focused and got quite a bit accomplished. It felt good. I was getting things done that have needed attention for a while. Then my brain got in the way. The closer I got to completion the more I realized the truth. It won't...

The week in review
This my second week using daily... I think. It might only be my first. I have not really noticed much different, and in refection yesterday and today - I'm thinking it might not be very good. There is a type of meth that allows for, if not causes sleepiness. Yesterday...

My life as a pig
Everyday my life includes feeding the pig twice a day. Once in the morning, and once around 4:30. I just finished the 4:30 feeding although I have to go back in a little while and close up the chicken coop for the night. I've been in a reflective mood today and...

Sleepy Thursday
I slept in this morning. Since then, I've been having a down day. Reflective. December moods for me, are when I watch the happy lives of friends, family, and consumers all seem to be happy. I look around my 12x12 room so filled with clutter, the floor is only visible...

Emotional restoration
I don't know how long it's been since I gave up using drugs, at least temporarily. I think it's been about two no three weeks. That doesn't sound right because it's only October 4th, but I remember sober weekends and I've been eating a lot more food, which means...

The way life works
I've experienced it before. You probably have too. One of those phases of life when you feel the rut more than yesterday. More of the same. The loop of Thursday, although it can be any day. Another day of waking up, doing my chores, feeling like I want to go back to...

Sunday life update
As of 3:30 this morning, there is a stealth cat loose in my bedroom. It has made falling back to sleep slightly more difficult than usual. Actually, the falling asleep part isn't so hard bit waking up out of my usual sleep cycle routine is the distressing part. The...

Second Life
Second Life is a simulation of our universe except better
Wednesday Video Update
When a snapchat follower asked me what was new, I replied with this video.

Why do I make plans?
Perhaps plans is the wrong idea. I set mini goals for each day. Some of them are extremely simple like don't forget to feed the fish. This morning I forgot to feed the fish. Some of them of course are more complex. A task that I see had been meaning to do, a customer...

Late life revelations
I never actually notice how little I do in life, effort-wise. I have used my intelligence to evaluate every situation and figure out the best way to do the absolute least, while keeping the friend or colleague happy. I avoid anything I can if it looks difficult I just...

The boy in the box
I can remember every bedroom I ever lived in. It's where I spent most of my life. Right from age 7 when we moved and I got my first bedroom.I attended dinners and chat with my family as I left the house or come home, but with the exceptions of things like game night,...

It’s Friday already.
This seemed like a fast week. I got very little accomplished and saw no progress on any of my short term goals. No progress to show on anything really. I got high and complained or pondered. It was also a week of constipation, dehydration and sadness. The constipation...

Monday customer service
Yes Hello. I'd like to exchange this current life for a new one. I don't like the amount of effort involved. I was mislead about how it would be better. I realize I've only had this new life less than 30 days and I can change my mind and go back to my previous option...

The Conversation Room
You see an online virtual mall filled with flashy storefronts and top notch animated advertisements everywhere. You walk down the pathway in awe at how many options there are to spend money on a seperate universe. You see a new store is opening up where the old...

501L
I foolishly thought all bus stops were equal on the Queen West line, so I missed the earlier one, but Google maps says I should still arrive before 10 I'm on it now, and it is cool and bright and I found a seat although I'm conscious about still being a bit smelly....

Day T-1
Today is Sunday. My practice day to see that I can wake up and get things done. I won't say I'm failing already, but it certainly wasn't a totally slow start. It's 10:30 and I feel like I will tackle my to-do list today out in the sun and feel better about it. I am...

The Next Episode
In the past. I have always talked about each new move as a Chapter in my life story. I learn so many new things when I'm living in the house with other people. Now I think it might be time to modernize my terminology since so much about how we share our story is now...

Wild by my standards
It's 6am and even though I asked and she said no, when 8 asked again, I ended up changing her plans and spending the whole night talking. It's what I wanted and I get high enough to believe it's enjoyable. I know interaction with high women who I click with is the...

I almost cried when my doctor called.
I'm near tears right now, but managing. I had high hopes for a call from my doctor. I had plans of what to say. 45 seconds later, we were saying goodbye and I said nothing. I hate that. I hate myself right now. I accomplished nothing. I didn't get anything I was going...

Oh yeah… It’s Friday already
It's not like there is any real significance to weekends when you're at home 24/7. I still honour our cultural traditions and not get high till Friday. But I got high not remembering it was Friday. This week went by fast for me because I have important work, and I've...

What classifies as a Junkie?
I often evaluate my current situation and compare myself to the image I have in my mind as a typical drug user. I always think my image to the outside world is not one of a junkie. I don't want to be a typical drug addict. I'm always careful to use the word user...

The morning mental debate
Over the years I have created a number of different tricks to start my day better. I know what I need to do to wake up and start being productive. As soon as I realize I'm up, I turn on all the lights to full brightness and stand up and stretch. The key is to not go...

Checkpoint Failed
I slept well. I even had some dreams. When I woke up at 630am I had one of those glimpses into my life as a drug user. An evaluation checkpoint where I had to decide; do I restart the loop again now, or wait till later? I can feel the effects of dehydration. I don't...

Let me scooch right by
This is a blog that's going to start off talking about the loud noises going on right now at 8:00 p.m. on Monday. The decision to make this blog about that topic was decided upon spontaneously as I was writing the subject title of this blog. The title of this blog...

The virtual life future.
One of my unfinished projects was to write a fiction. A short story or a novel if I felt up to it. In my mind it made a good TV series and I could be a millionaire if I only told someone about it. I have two chapters and I might be inspired to write more now and then...

Flip Flopping isn’t a bad thing.
I have do much to share but let's see what gets retained long enough for the blog. I flip flop a lot. Often several times a minute as I internally debate decisions. If I stall long enough somebody else will make it. My phyciatrist has a standard procedure of always...

Old man behavior
I was going to start this vlog with the game, second life. That was my whole opening line. Second life. It occurred to me that that's the kind of thing old men probably old women at some point start to yell out random words like that. This could even be what some...

Experiments in Blogging.
My plan is to be recording by audio, and there's this important to all that. Okay. Water, oops, live brain transcript, Canadian Thanksgiving October 11 2021 Coming up day drinks water. So the story so far. I just got high. And it's, it was at 420, in the afternoon on...

You don’t suck.
Mental Profile As I was laying in bed tonight I realized this needed to be written. I couldn't go to sleep without waking up and writing down this latest idea of mine. The world has recently adopted the term mental health to include all of those who have some...

It’s October now.
I got distracted on my way to writing this blog because it's 10:35 on the first Saturday of October and it occurs to me that I will probably be up at least another hour and could watch Saturday night live season premiere live for the first time in 2 years at least....

Starting at 5pm
It's Wednesday of the week back work week and as of 5pm, I've done nothing. I had a glorious uninterrupted restorative sleep last night during a thunderstorm. I woke up at 730 and then went back untill about 1045. Since then I've just sat around playing on my phone...

Live Brain Transcript
I'm giving this one a second try. At the very least, you know, isn't quite as distracting. But I'm very easily distracted. I mean, something took me away from pizza. Not right don't go on camera when they're eating pizza. doesn't seem right for the day Really is...

I could be President.
They have a saying that anyone could be president and some people laugh that off. But the truth is, anyone probably can become president. If managed by smart people. All you need to do is be some people's favorite. And they'll bulk that in and buy everything you're...

Live Brain Transcript
0:04 I absolutely hate when one single click. Takes me so far away from what I was doing that sometimes I don't make it back. Period. Tonight was therapy. I shared who I am, with someone seeking approval that I'm just interesting enough to want to see more, period. I...

Mini Life Story
I was always obsessed with the taboo idea of getting high, but my circle of friends were not. I never smoked, didn't drink and my home life was reasonably normal for a kid growing up in the 70s and 80s. Because I had severe ADD before anyone knew it was a thing, my...

High Tea on Tuesday
Have u mentioned the rock bottom practice of burning the brown spots off my collection of pipes. I don't clean, I conserve. I deckareto my usual tea party friends I was out and would be for a while. Zeppelin. I can hear my heartbeat kind of like a hirserace. I reach...

The mental beuracracy of two Jeffs
Imagine for a moment what it might be like to have a disconnect in your brain that spontaneously allowed for a second awareness. A second consciousness that remains seperate from your normal everyday life. For me, I am starting to figure out that my stoned...

Make me a thousandaire
Idea. I would like to make $2000 a monh and not much more. I want to create a site to win the market. A site that is not on;y free, but BETTER than all those crap sites that don'y actually have real people or elegable. Site Idea: social network Craigslist JUST...

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Dead Vera won some money
Disclaimer. As of November 14th when I wrote this, Vera Macdonald was alone and thriving on Facebook. The Vera I refer to in this blog is a fake Romanian Vera Macdonald, trying to get me to pay for my winnings. Conversation Information Vera Macdonald WED 4:52 AM...