Wow is me. My life is going to be interesting this month and keeping above depression will be extra hard. Chocolate required.
I messed up several ways
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life
I shit you not.
That's an odd expression. I know.. at least I think I know I've heard out used before. I shit you not. Maybe it's in my head and it's not an expression at all, but I'm claiming it because I have not shit much at all this February. Maybe 4 or 5 good shots over only two days the entire month I think...
The under current of moods
mood swings are blogging time.
New game ideas.
A spontaneous rant the day before President Trump takes over
MAD v CRACKED. Changed opinions
A very old post I had forgotten about. A mini biography of my life loving Mad Magazine.
Hidden sadness
A blog post while I contemplate my drug use briefly before using and forgetting.
Explaining my difficulty
Sharing more of who I am
I forgot everything about my morning
Fourth blog of refection in a row. I lost track of time and forgot my whole morning routine. Did I feed the animals or just wake up? It’s 11am already
Brain Security Features suck
A first thing in the morning message that reflects on the way I handle contact with strangers initially. I set myself up to fail because when I win I still fail
Spun Monday
A Monday morning refection and review. I just realized I don’t really know what status quo means
50 first dates with pi.ai
Updated recap of who I am that I give to chat bots to introduce myself and our chat preferences.
Post Birthday Blues
I'm doing ok. I finally had the nerve to ask about my drug use and the fact that everyone in the house is aware I use drugs. I'm not certain they understand it's meth but it's not vital since they seem somewhat accepting of it regardless. I'm a little concerned it may...
Friday. Birthday Eve
I've been far more conscious of how good I have it now that I am living with the security of a home and food. At the exact same time, I am continuously aware of how unfair it is to be in this position of advantage. Basically, I'm costing the couple that has given me...
Honest and open post on my drug use.
An unfinished blog about merging all my blogs into one.
Thanks were given
I was in a good mood today and I hardly ever worried about my place and future today. It is Thanksgiving and I remembered that everyone has shit and baggage and existing without bothering people too much is acceptable if you are trying. I'm trying. I'm acceptable for...
Subtle Avoidance
A deep blog about my life of great ideas I abandon before I can fail.
Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming
I made a lot of videos today and quite a few yesterday. The best way to avoid getting down and depressed is to keep busy doing more of the same.
I interpret your disappointment as a yell.
The way my brain over works and interprets comments as attacks is not healthy – or it it exactly the correct way? I may never know.
47 Opponents in the park
Life really is like chess. I suck at chess. It’s not a game for my instant gratification lifestyle. I don’t think moves ahead. I have enough trouble with NOW.
The good of the day
A random post about random thoughts on a random mood. When you worry there isn’t a reason to worry.
The Neurodivergence of society.
A blog about the new “trend” of discovery. An ADHD world emerges from ignorance.
Saturday, in my bed
Saturday morning live, from the bed of OrangeJeff.
Today’s meaning of life
A spontaneous view of the meaning of life as of today. Middle of May 2024 living on a farm.
Living a perfect life isn’t normal. Who knew
A 6 minute ramble about my life.
Jetpack Pros and Cons
Jetpack is a plugin series of mobile companion products by Wordpress to help make some tasks easier on your phone.
Empty House. I clean-ish up
As I typed this blog I started to realize all sorts of new things about myself, most of which were not all happy cloud thoughts. It is deeply self reflecting.
Talking to myself Tuesday
Tuesday. Uh the last one in April, whatever. This with the 30th And I changed my morning routine bit because the cows have no hay and they're hungry and a little angry. When I go down there, I check on the chickens. Yesterday, the cows all surrounded me, and almost...
Pride without confidence
I am very proud of this website both in design and content. Even the drug content. I share my life, my philosophies and my struggles in a way I believe is mostly well written, entertaining and respectful.
Anticipation to Trouble
Blog and video about the fear and anxiety of “the talk” that I have been told is pending.
Meth Talk – OrangeJeff’s Meth History
Meth talk is a video series where I discuss some of the topics relating to meth users that may be of interest to other meth users.
Walk and Talk – Morning Reflections
Walk with me as I ponder my universe.
This Phase.
Just now I remembered something. I've been here before, and by here I mean this phase of being a daily user. I remember it's happened similarly before. I'm not...
Fantastic morning mood
I made a 5-minute video previous to this that was supposed to be today’s daily journal but I guess I would still a little high and somehow it didn’t get saved. I was in such a up mood this morning I could have made 10 videos and I think I made four. I sent this one to a friend for inspiration and they thanked me.
YouTube and me.
I knew eventually my worlds were going to collide and people would find out about the drug side of me that has crossed the line for most people. Heroin and meth seem to be the drugs that scare people more than the others. They'll still be friends with you if you smoke...
Life change. Local and Global
Since my brain has been experiencing different things thanks to daily usage I have noticed some changes. I'm thinking more and blogging less Probably not actually. I'm blogging quite a bit. Every time I write a post I worry that family members will read it to...
My to-do list is a wish list
Recently I'm discovering more about how my unconscious brain is holding me back because of fear. I'm so afraid of failing and disappointing and someone yelling at me that I don't even try. I don't even want to disappoint myself and I have come to believe that I will...
End of 2023 message.
I just listened to the Christmas message from our new King. He doesn't make a good Christmas message to the world. The Queen had the stronger accent that resides in my head as the official sound. The King is not a memorable speaker. A week has passed and now I make my...
The other me I’m not
All through my life there was a version of me I thought was real. The me that was good at so many things I wasn't doing, but if I did, I would be good at. I had dreams of doing things I didn't. As I got older and perhaps wiser, I started to realize a few interesting...
Blah blah blah Tuesday
I don't really feel like doing anything today. Even this blog was a chore. I almost just typed blah and saved it at that. Today is one of those days where I take mental stock of my situation and blah is the best I can come up with. It's better in most ways than it was...
The Wednesday Overwhelming
I didn't get much done today, and I really needed to. its Wednesday and I had tentatively planned to visit Toronto one last time before moving thousands of kilometres away to the next chapter in my life story. I decided to make this chapter a fresh break in a new...
Friday Night Lockout
I'm not sure whether things like this are intentional or not, and I'm not sure how to react or what to do because I like to not be a bother and rock the boat. This is especially true right now because he's decided to be angry with me this month. Little things will...
8:23pm came with a side of sadness.
I've been doing ok with life. I know I'm doing poorly and only getting a few tasks done per day. By around 3pm I nap or just stare at the ceiling. Later in the afternoon, I start TV and get a few shows in before sleep. More accurately, before I lay still awaiting...
Funny thing happened on the way to the bin
Just as I’m preparing to move, life laughs at me
Things I do wrong, part 47
Last Saturday and Sunday I helped Willie with some landscaping. Apparently this signified the beginning of a life change for me where I was supposed to spend several hours every day for the rest of my stay here helping him with his busy work. I don't mean that as an...
I have some emotions. Sadness Mostly.
I don't think about depression the same way anymore. I think about life more with sadness and frustration than I think about depression but I think it's all the same. I can't imagine what I'd be like if I wasn't taking my paxil daily. It allows me to be happy in the...
Read moreIt is a hell I have accepted and adapted to but something really should change because enjoying life is hard from here.
A lot of forgetting this weekend.
I decided it was time to blog about my wild weekend since they don't happen very often. The landlord had invited his son over and we sat in the kitchen the three of us and got super high on weed and lines of coke. Lots of lines of coke.. I didn't sleep Friday but I...
Waves of Sadness between naps
I don't blog much anymore. I don't do much. Even when life events happen of any significance, like a gigantic bruise on my leg that is ever expanding after the pig attacked me earlier this week. I'm sleeping poorly most nights because my body has developed a new...
1am Again.
I can't tell if my insomnia today is real or in my mind. I'm not sure that it matters all that much, because either way, I'm still awake at 1:00 a.m. and I anticipate it's made last the whole night. Early this morning I blogged about how small a quantity of meth smoke...
I’m Chicken
I wish I had the nerve and the talent to properly express myself on websites and figure out how to meet people and mingle. I am a 59-year-old male with excellent communication skills. I'm a nice guy but I am asexual and have never really experienced passion or...
Today was a good day
Today was a good day. I didn't sleep during the day and I got a lot of stuff done including some backlog work with a customer I actually avoided for over 2 weeks. I made up and he didn't seem too upset. It's not really a lie to say it was a health reason I was...
Tuesday Weather. 🌞 And ☁️
This post marks the very first time I have ever used emojis in the title and I have no idea whether they will translate to the browser or Apple computers or anything really. When I typed in sun and cloud these replacements were offered as options and I decided to...
End of the month. End of the stash.
I certainly should have expected I'd use up my stuff quicker than expected but it seems fitting I will be out on the last day of January. I have no regrets for my usage going up. Despite being a little suspect in the purity department, I really enjoyed this binge. ...
Another secret attempt at sharing
I'm almost 60 and about to stop using meth again. It puts my mind in a reflective mood reevaluating who I am, and what things I missed that might still be possible. It's part of a recurring trick my brain starts playing in an attempt to justify buying more drugs. I...
Jan 27. Pre-worry has begun
Every now and then, for a brief moment, I reflect on the negative aspects of my situation instead of living in the positive thoughts. This is one of those moments.
1pm wake up
I know a number of people who sleep until the afternoon and then begin their day at 2 or 4pm on a regular basis. I have almost become them, except I'm still waking up before 7am... And then doing basically nothing till 2 or 3pm. It's a weird feeling to waste each day...
Disguised excuses
Every now and then I take note of something in my life that is different than I remember it being. The question I always ask myself is, is this because of my drug use or because I'm almost 60 years old. The good news is, whichever one I wanted to be it can be. In some...
I’m always evaluating life
There’s something strange about the idea of being supervised or watched that changes the way we react. Apparently this is true all the way down to microbiology.
Hard to comprehend. Even for me.
I live an unusual lifestyle on many levels, and it's easy to mis-judge me without a better understanding of some of the aspects.The most significant among the misunderstandings is the one of my sexuality. Even I find it hard to really understand. Sexuality and gender...
Interesting or weird?
A brief evaluation of my current situation.
For no reason I’ll admit to
It's Saturday at 4,:30am. I woke up slightly off my regular schedule and broke a streak of consistency. I'd had several weird dreams related to non existent web design projects that seemed complex and broken, so I almost call them nightmares. I had a bit of a hunger...
Thursday Morning Muse
A good first message if you’re new here. My life snapshot.
The last day
An excerpt from my life story. One day.
Times Up. I missed it.
I've always known I'm funny. Saying it out loud however, is hard. I don't tell jokes so being funny on demand never works. The world has a lot of people who seem to be funnier than me and it's distressing. TikTok and other social media platforms are turning people...
The loop
I know I've talked about the loop before and honestly I know I've talked about a lot of different ones but this week I'm experiencing this week is the loop of doing the same thing over and over expecting different results where have I heard that before. I get high at...
I over thought my enjoyment
The last four days were fun. I stayed hyper focused and got quite a bit accomplished. It felt good. I was getting things done that have needed attention for a while. Then my brain got in the way. The closer I got to completion the more I realized the truth. It won't...
The week in review
This my second week using daily... I think. It might only be my first. I have not really noticed much different, and in refection yesterday and today - I'm thinking it might not be very good. There is a type of meth that allows for, if not causes sleepiness. Yesterday...
My life as a pig
Everyday my life includes feeding the pig twice a day. Once in the morning, and once around 4:30. I just finished the 4:30 feeding although I have to go back in a little while and close up the chicken coop for the night. I've been in a reflective mood today and...
Sleepy Thursday
I slept in this morning. Since then, I've been having a down day. Reflective. December moods for me, are when I watch the happy lives of friends, family, and consumers all seem to be happy. I look around my 12x12 room so filled with clutter, the floor is only visible...
Random Storytelling
As I was finishing writing the story about the random storyteller I met yesterday on the street, it happened that the man sitting next to me decided it was time to tell me one of his life stories. It's a man It is '70s and we were both sitting next to a third...
Judge a book by its words
As I was typing a typical long winded wordy reply to a video, a new thought occured to me. We use our word choice to signal our peers. This may seem obvious but it just occurred to me tonight. I use a vocabulary and sentence structure that is showing a certain level...
Emotional restoration
I don't know how long it's been since I gave up using drugs, at least temporarily. I think it's been about two no three weeks. That doesn't sound right because it's only October 4th, but I remember sober weekends and I've been eating a lot more food, which means...
