life

End of 2023 message.

End of 2023 message.

I just listened to the Christmas message from our new King. He doesn't make a good Christmas message to the world. The Queen had the stronger accent that resides in my head as the official sound. The King is not a memorable speaker. A week has passed and now I make my...

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The Wednesday Overwhelming

The Wednesday Overwhelming

I didn't get much done today, and I really needed to. its Wednesday and I had tentatively planned to visit Toronto one last time before moving thousands of kilometres away to the next chapter in my life story. I decided to make this chapter a fresh break in a new...

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Friday Night Lockout

Friday Night Lockout

I'm not sure whether things like this are intentional or not, and I'm not sure how to react or what to do because I like to not be a bother and rock the boat. This is especially true right now because he's decided to be angry with me this month. Little things will...

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It is a hell I have accepted and adapted to but something really should change because enjoying life is hard from here.

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1am Again.

I can't tell if my insomnia today is real or in my mind. I'm not sure that it matters all that much, because either way, I'm still awake at 1:00 a.m. and I anticipate it's made last the whole night. Early this morning I blogged about how small a quantity of meth smoke...

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1pm wake up

1pm wake up

I know a number of people who sleep until the afternoon and then begin their day at 2 or 4pm on a regular basis. I have almost become them, except I'm still waking up before 7am... And then doing basically nothing till 2 or 3pm. It's a weird feeling to waste each day...

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Disguised excuses

Disguised excuses

Every now and then I take note of something in my life that is different than I remember it being. The question I always ask myself is, is this because of my drug use or because I'm almost 60 years old. The good news is, whichever one I wanted to be it can be. In some...

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The loop

The loop

I know I've talked about the loop before and honestly I know I've talked about a lot of different ones but this week I'm experiencing this week is the loop of doing the same thing over and over expecting different results where have I heard that before. I get high at...

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The week in review

The week in review

This my second week using daily... I think. It might only be my first. I have not really noticed much different, and in refection yesterday and today - I'm thinking it might not be very good. There is a type of meth that allows for, if not causes sleepiness. Yesterday...

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My life as a pig

My life as a pig

Everyday my life includes feeding the pig twice a day. Once in the morning, and once around 4:30. I just finished the 4:30 feeding although I have to go back in a little while and close up the chicken coop for the night. I've been in a reflective mood today and...

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Sleepy Thursday

Sleepy Thursday

I slept in this morning. Since then, I've been having a down day. Reflective. December moods for me, are when I watch the happy lives of friends, family, and consumers all seem to be happy. I look around my 12x12 room so filled with clutter, the floor is only visible...

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The way life works

The way life works

I've experienced it before. You probably have too. One of those phases of life when you feel the rut more than yesterday. More of the same. The loop of Thursday, although it can be any day. Another day of waking up, doing my chores, feeling like I want to go back to...

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Leave me wanting …

Leave me wanting …

I always plan on leaving the house on the weekend. I'm not in charge of the animals and it would be a perfect time to spend the three bucks, get on a bus, and go downtown. When I lived in Toronto I used to love walking downtown. Young Street was always a fun place to...

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Breaking News

Breaking News

I know what a news break is but I'm not positive I fully understand what breaking news is I had assumed that it is news they interrupt whatever you were doing to tell you about, which should be significant. Breaking news is not always significant It's just current and...

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The boy in the box

The boy in the box

I can remember every bedroom I ever lived in. It's where I spent most of my life. Right from age 7 when we moved and I got my first bedroom.I attended dinners and chat with my family as I left the house or come home, but with the exceptions of things like game night,...

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It’s Friday already.

It’s Friday already.

This seemed like a fast week. I got very little accomplished and saw no progress on any of my short term goals. No progress to show on anything really. I got high and complained or pondered. It was also a week of constipation, dehydration and sadness. The constipation...

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Oh yeah… It’s Friday already

Oh yeah… It’s Friday already

It's not like there is any real significance to weekends when you're at home 24/7. I still honour our cultural traditions and not get high till Friday. But I got high not remembering it was Friday. This week went by fast for me because I have important work, and I've...

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Am I the same person

Am I the same person

People say drugs change you. Your whole personality changes because of addiction. I understand that statement, and a self evaluation is hard, but I can certainly think about a few ways I've changed. I can imagine my close friends might notice even more changes. I had...

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It’s October now.

It’s October now.

I got distracted on my way to writing this blog because it's 10:35 on the first Saturday of October and it occurs to me that I will probably be up at least another hour and could watch Saturday night live season premiere live for the first time in 2 years at least....

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