I certainly should have expected I'd use up my stuff quicker than expected but it seems fitting I will be out on the last day of January. I have no regrets for my usage going up. Despite being a little suspect in the purity department, I really enjoyed this binge. It may be some time before I...
I'm almost 60 and about to stop using meth again. It puts my mind in a reflective mood reevaluating who I am, and what things I missed that might still be possible. It's part of a recurring trick my brain starts playing in an attempt to justify buying more drugs. I try to convince myself there are...
Every now and then, for a brief moment, I reflect on the negative aspects of my situation instead of living in the positive thoughts. This is one of those moments.
I know a number of people who sleep until the afternoon and then begin their day at 2 or 4pm on a regular basis. I have almost become them, except I'm still waking up before 7am... And then doing basically nothing till 2 or 3pm. It's a weird feeling to waste each day...
Every now and then I take note of something in my life that is different than I remember it being. The question I always ask myself is, is this because of my drug use or because I'm almost 60 years old. The good news is, whichever one I wanted to be it can be. In some...
There’s something strange about the idea of being supervised or watched that changes the way we react. Apparently this is true all the way down to microbiology.
I live an unusual lifestyle on many levels, and it's easy to mis-judge me without a better understanding of some of the aspects.The most significant among the misunderstandings is the one of my sexuality. Even I find it hard to really understand. Sexuality and gender...
A brief evaluation of my current situation.
It's Saturday at 4,:30am. I woke up slightly off my regular schedule and broke a streak of consistency. I'd had several weird dreams related to non existent web design projects that seemed complex and broken, so I almost call them nightmares. I had a bit of a hunger...
A good first message if you’re new here. My life snapshot.
An excerpt from my life story. One day.
I've always known I'm funny. Saying it out loud however, is hard. I don't tell jokes so being funny on demand never works. The world has a lot of people who seem to be funnier than me and it's distressing. TikTok and other social media platforms are turning people...
I know I've talked about the loop before and honestly I know I've talked about a lot of different ones but this week I'm experiencing this week is the loop of doing the same thing over and over expecting different results where have I heard that before. I get high at...
The last four days were fun. I stayed hyper focused and got quite a bit accomplished. It felt good. I was getting things done that have needed attention for a while. Then my brain got in the way. The closer I got to completion the more I realized the truth. It won't...
This my second week using daily... I think. It might only be my first. I have not really noticed much different, and in refection yesterday and today - I'm thinking it might not be very good. There is a type of meth that allows for, if not causes sleepiness. Yesterday...
Everyday my life includes feeding the pig twice a day. Once in the morning, and once around 4:30. I just finished the 4:30 feeding although I have to go back in a little while and close up the chicken coop for the night. I've been in a reflective mood today and...
I slept in this morning. Since then, I've been having a down day. Reflective. December moods for me, are when I watch the happy lives of friends, family, and consumers all seem to be happy. I look around my 12x12 room so filled with clutter, the floor is only visible...
As I was finishing writing the story about the random storyteller I met yesterday on the street, it happened that the man sitting next to me decided it was time to tell me one of his life stories. It's a man It is '70s and we were both sitting next to a third...
As I was typing a typical long winded wordy reply to a video, a new thought occured to me. We use our word choice to signal our peers. This may seem obvious but it just occurred to me tonight. I use a vocabulary and sentence structure that is showing a certain level...
I don't know how long it's been since I gave up using drugs, at least temporarily. I think it's been about two no three weeks. That doesn't sound right because it's only October 4th, but I remember sober weekends and I've been eating a lot more food, which means...
I've experienced it before. You probably have too. One of those phases of life when you feel the rut more than yesterday. More of the same. The loop of Thursday, although it can be any day. Another day of waking up, doing my chores, feeling like I want to go back to...
I always plan on leaving the house on the weekend. I'm not in charge of the animals and it would be a perfect time to spend the three bucks, get on a bus, and go downtown. When I lived in Toronto I used to love walking downtown. Young Street was always a fun place to...
I know what a news break is but I'm not positive I fully understand what breaking news is I had assumed that it is news they interrupt whatever you were doing to tell you about, which should be significant. Breaking news is not always significant It's just current and...
As of 3:30 this morning, there is a stealth cat loose in my bedroom. It has made falling back to sleep slightly more difficult than usual. Actually, the falling asleep part isn't so hard bit waking up out of my usual sleep cycle routine is the distressing part. The...
Second Life is a simulation of our universe except better
When a snapchat follower asked me what was new, I replied with this video.
Perhaps plans is the wrong idea. I set mini goals for each day. Some of them are extremely simple like don't forget to feed the fish. This morning I forgot to feed the fish. Some of them of course are more complex. A task that I see had been meaning to do, a customer...
I never actually notice how little I do in life, effort-wise. I have used my intelligence to evaluate every situation and figure out the best way to do the absolute least, while keeping the friend or colleague happy. I avoid anything I can if it looks difficult I just...
I can remember every bedroom I ever lived in. It's where I spent most of my life. Right from age 7 when we moved and I got my first bedroom.I attended dinners and chat with my family as I left the house or come home, but with the exceptions of things like game night,...
This seemed like a fast week. I got very little accomplished and saw no progress on any of my short term goals. No progress to show on anything really. I got high and complained or pondered. It was also a week of constipation, dehydration and sadness. The constipation...
Yes Hello. I'd like to exchange this current life for a new one. I don't like the amount of effort involved. I was mislead about how it would be better. I realize I've only had this new life less than 30 days and I can change my mind and go back to my previous option...
You see an online virtual mall filled with flashy storefronts and top notch animated advertisements everywhere. You walk down the pathway in awe at how many options there are to spend money on a seperate universe. You see a new store is opening up where the old...
I foolishly thought all bus stops were equal on the Queen West line, so I missed the earlier one, but Google maps says I should still arrive before 10 I'm on it now, and it is cool and bright and I found a seat although I'm conscious about still being a bit smelly....
Today is Sunday. My practice day to see that I can wake up and get things done. I won't say I'm failing already, but it certainly wasn't a totally slow start. It's 10:30 and I feel like I will tackle my to-do list today out in the sun and feel better about it. I am...
In the past. I have always talked about each new move as a Chapter in my life story. I learn so many new things when I'm living in the house with other people. Now I think it might be time to modernize my terminology since so much about how we share our story is now...
It's 6am and even though I asked and she said no, when 8 asked again, I ended up changing her plans and spending the whole night talking. It's what I wanted and I get high enough to believe it's enjoyable. I know interaction with high women who I click with is the...
I'm near tears right now, but managing. I had high hopes for a call from my doctor. I had plans of what to say. 45 seconds later, we were saying goodbye and I said nothing. I hate that. I hate myself right now. I accomplished nothing. I didn't get anything I was going...
It's not like there is any real significance to weekends when you're at home 24/7. I still honour our cultural traditions and not get high till Friday. But I got high not remembering it was Friday. This week went by fast for me because I have important work, and I've...
People say drugs change you. Your whole personality changes because of addiction. I understand that statement, and a self evaluation is hard, but I can certainly think about a few ways I've changed. I can imagine my close friends might notice even more changes. I had...
I often evaluate my current situation and compare myself to the image I have in my mind as a typical drug user. I always think my image to the outside world is not one of a junkie. I don't want to be a typical drug addict. I'm always careful to use the word user...
Over the years I have created a number of different tricks to start my day better. I know what I need to do to wake up and start being productive. As soon as I realize I'm up, I turn on all the lights to full brightness and stand up and stretch. The key is to not go...
I slept well. I even had some dreams. When I woke up at 630am I had one of those glimpses into my life as a drug user. An evaluation checkpoint where I had to decide; do I restart the loop again now, or wait till later? I can feel the effects of dehydration. I don't...
I have formed my belief that I live very much in the now. I am paying attention to my surroundings and being self aware. When I do something .. anything really, the thought has been vetted. I have thought up the consequences in so many ways. I understand now how...
This is a blog that's going to start off talking about the loud noises going on right now at 8:00 p.m. on Monday. The decision to make this blog about that topic was decided upon spontaneously as I was writing the subject title of this blog. The title of this blog...
One of my unfinished projects was to write a fiction. A short story or a novel if I felt up to it. In my mind it made a good TV series and I could be a millionaire if I only told someone about it. I have two chapters and I might be inspired to write more now and then...
I have do much to share but let's see what gets retained long enough for the blog. I flip flop a lot. Often several times a minute as I internally debate decisions. If I stall long enough somebody else will make it. My phyciatrist has a standard procedure of always...
I was going to start this vlog with the game, second life. That was my whole opening line. Second life. It occurred to me that that's the kind of thing old men probably old women at some point start to yell out random words like that. This could even be what some...
My plan is to be recording by audio, and there's this important to all that. Okay. Water, oops, live brain transcript, Canadian Thanksgiving October 11 2021 Coming up day drinks water. So the story so far. I just got high. And it's, it was at 420, in the afternoon on...
Mental Profile As I was laying in bed tonight I realized this needed to be written. I couldn't go to sleep without waking up and writing down this latest idea of mine. The world has recently adopted the term mental health to include all of those who have some...
I got distracted on my way to writing this blog because it's 10:35 on the first Saturday of October and it occurs to me that I will probably be up at least another hour and could watch Saturday night live season premiere live for the first time in 2 years at least....
It's Wednesday of the week back work week and as of 5pm, I've done nothing. I had a glorious uninterrupted restorative sleep last night during a thunderstorm. I woke up at 730 and then went back untill about 1045. Since then I've just sat around playing on my phone...
I'm giving this one a second try. At the very least, you know, isn't quite as distracting. But I'm very easily distracted. I mean, something took me away from pizza. Not right don't go on camera when they're eating pizza. doesn't seem right for the day Really is...
They have a saying that anyone could be president and some people laugh that off. But the truth is, anyone probably can become president. If managed by smart people. All you need to do is be some people's favorite. And they'll bulk that in and buy everything you're...
0:04 I absolutely hate when one single click. Takes me so far away from what I was doing that sometimes I don't make it back. Period. Tonight was therapy. I shared who I am, with someone seeking approval that I'm just interesting enough to want to see more, period. I...
I was always obsessed with the taboo idea of getting high, but my circle of friends were not. I never smoked, didn't drink and my home life was reasonably normal for a kid growing up in the 70s and 80s. Because I had severe ADD before anyone knew it was a thing, my...
Have u mentioned the rock bottom practice of burning the brown spots off my collection of pipes. I don't clean, I conserve. I deckareto my usual tea party friends I was out and would be for a while. Zeppelin. I can hear my heartbeat kind of like a hirserace. I reach...
Imagine for a moment what it might be like to have a disconnect in your brain that spontaneously allowed for a second awareness. A second consciousness that remains seperate from your normal everyday life. For me, I am starting to figure out that my stoned...
Idea. I would like to make $2000 a monh and not much more. I want to create a site to win the market. A site that is not on;y free, but BETTER than all those crap sites that don'y actually have real people or elegable. Site Idea: social network Craigslist JUST...
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Disclaimer. As of November 14th when I wrote this, Vera Macdonald was alone and thriving on Facebook. The Vera I refer to in this blog is a fake Romanian Vera Macdonald, trying to get me to pay for my winnings. Conversation Information Vera Macdonald WED 4:52 AM...
Previously I had found the polar opinions about meth usage on Tumblr an interesting mix. Many of the people were declaring their love for the drug, posting pictures and memes of their enjoyment and love others were posting negative imagery, often declaring they...
Although I enjoy the drug chat rooms, they are probably bad for me. They keep me active and wanting to be high more, to belong and avoid any suspicion that I project on them. I'm not typical so I feel I might be feared as an under over. I say stupid things sometimes....
I'm enjoying life despite the empenfing doom. I'm having fun. Making friends and being me. Awkward and odd in all my glory. I'm saying dumb sjit and apologizing and nobody seems to hate me. They forgive and move on. Ironically these new friends are all from a...
Sometimes I amaze myself with what I'm willing to do to appease others. In this case, it's as much appeasing myself I suppose. I'm mici g up emotions in my head. This week I happened to acquire $100 in cash. This is money that rightfully should be dedicated to paying...
I'd like to think I could be honest again, because I think I'm worth a second look. I only feel this is true. When I'm high. I did a huge thing today. I just did it. I got high on a drug that isn't weed. Let me lead into that. I have a story. I'm an interesting...
COMMUNITY BASED BROADCAST STUDIO#torontodrugs#canadadrugsDreams that actually came true.FROGSTAR.TV is part of the Frogstar family of related sites.KIK chat group website #torontodrugs#canadadrugs Access to this website from Canada only. This page was created to...
It turns out we do thank God it's Friday. Old English Frīgedæg ‘day of Frigga’, named after the Germanic goddess Frigga, wife of the supreme god Odin and goddess of married love; translation of late Latin Veneris dies ‘day of Venus’, Frigga being equated with the...
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About 10 years ago, I signed the card that came with my driver's licence, allowing my organs to be donated when I die. I couldn't see any good reason not to because no matter what the after life turns out to be, I'm certain it won't be filled with the few hundred...
https://photos.app.goo.gl/WLgSBp6AYKHF5JQ47 I am already thinking I might not share this, but 15 seconds ago, I was pumped. I was going to give away some of my million dollar ideas, and I use that number to show how old I am. Any good idea is worth more than millions...
Pausenblog. A german word I just made up that translates to, blogging during the show. Live on webcam and streaming... not streaming tonight, because I can't figure the best place. I am watching the brand new MURDER MYSTERY, and I absolutly love it. 37:28 The...