I don’t think about depression the same way anymore. I think about life more with sadness and frustration than I think about depression but I think it’s all the same.
I can’t imagine what I’d be like if I wasn’t taking my paxil daily. It allows me to be happy in the moments, masking the true disabling depression in such a way that allows me to continue .
I can smile, laugh and joke around at the same time as I should be crying. The upside is survival but the downside is that I am not progressing and I never have progressed. I just coast. I wait for the universe to provide a reason to react. To makey decisions for me. To force choices.
It’s been a good ride, but it’s gotten harder because there are less choices.
Blah. I’m not happy. I just fake it really well.
I don’t ask for help.
I just complain to my blog.