Today is the 31st. The last day of this year. A day I usually spend alone. This year I’ve been medicated and in a bit of a cloud of enhanced awareness. I have been content going through a regular routine.
I’m actually pretending to be normal. I am happy doing this work. I really enjoy it, even if I know it’s a trick. Keeping busy. Focused.
So it’s happy new year to me … The time I use to reflect on my year, and my life. Instead, I just keep doing what I’m doing and hope that maybe something will happen. I’m not making the change.
I’m not happy with my life. I’m just not really unhappy so I avoid the change.
It’s what I do. It’s where I’m most comfortable.
I would like 2023 to be a better year, but change is scary to me. It’s a risk. It’s effort and I tend to avoid anything that is work. The steps to a task are overwhelming.
I welcome the new month and new year but it’s going to be the same me.