addiction

Boredom or Addiction?

Boredom or Addiction?

I had a nice nap from 730 to 930 or so. That was nice. I felt refreshed but wondering. Was this life for the next while? Would I sleep my days away again. The truth of my life is that I don't do much during the days. I have animals to feed at 7, noon and 4:20 and 6...

First day. New day.

First day. New day.

The weather is getting cooler. The rooster and three hands are still waking up and expecting to be fed, which is fine. The dogs, or more specifically one of the dogs, seems to be trying out something new. Barking. Barking and whimpering and whining for no apparent...

The extra last day

The extra last day

I knew the last day wouldn't really be the last day. Whenever I say I'm out of math and this is my last day, I know there are at least two or three pipes that have a little bit in them and the stems are still white and can be melted into another cloud or two. Even now...

Saturday – long naps

Saturday – long naps

I'm trying to extend the last tiny bit of the drug I have remaining. I started off using some of my brown burn surplus. It provides the exact same amount of white smoke upon exhale but didn't give me any wake-up boost. I rolled over and went back to sleep. I don't...

Mental addiction

Mental addiction

Some drugs are physically addictive and quitting needs a process. Your body learns to function with the drug and needs time to wean off it properly. A lot of mental prescription drugs are this way, but they don't use the word addictive. My Paxil can make me seriously...

The way life works

The way life works

I've experienced it before. You probably have too. One of those phases of life when you feel the rut more than yesterday. More of the same. The loop of Thursday, although it can be any day. Another day of waking up, doing my chores, feeling like I want to go back to...

Mid day report

Mid day report

Animals fed. I'm still sleeping in hour long increments bit I feel rested more. I want to sleep again. My body is sore. I briefly reached a point that is common among drug users the day they quit or shortly after. You'd look around and without that high, you see the...

For the record.

For the record.

I day this as of 5pm on Tuesday. I will wake up and not do drugs tomorrow. I will be extra tired but I am extra tired today and I did drugs. My "job" consists of three 10 minutes feeding sessions and a more detailed pig session to end my day before 7pm. The rest of...

Always an adversary

Always an adversary

I think we all need a nemesis or at least somebody that challenges us with opposing ideas for us to consider and learn from. Sometimes it's a Rooster, bit he and I have reached a point of acceptance for the most part. This week, the evil villain in battle with me is...

Internal Dialogue of my brain

Internal Dialogue of my brain

3am. You seem anxious. We'll, I heard a rumour you were going to not use meth today. Let me make a case against that. (Falls back asleep) 4:00am Ok, so I'm assuming that nonsense about quitting today is behind us. Can you tell me if we'll start right at 5am when he...

Beginner Mistake on an important Friday

Beginner Mistake on an important Friday

A lot of this week went right, despite the underlying sicknesses (plural) that I ignore to dangerous abuse levels. Recently I discovered my pill bottle on the floor next to my bed. That's where I start this story . I have no memory of the last time I took them. My...

Addicted to addiction…

Addicted to addiction…

The worst part, about being a drug addict, is that you know you’re a drug addict. You know, all your excuses are bullshit. You know, when it’s your addiction talking, not you. You know, you’re hurting those around you. You know, you need help. You know, you’re lost....

More private blogs again.

More private blogs again.

One of the early signs I'm off the wagon is 2am blogs and 4am blogs and 6am blogs and Second Life blogs. It means I'm staying up all night. I must have gotten high. It started with 5 Molly pills. I'd been without the pressed branded pills for about 2 years. The last...