The best part of waking up has never been Folgers in my cup. Its Tina in my bong
The quiet morning shift
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addiction
Holding off the crazy
I was worried I might be crazy – again. It’s all right though. I’m not
Juggling virtual money
I’m out of money and food and drugs but I do have some chocolate.
Memory recall. The odd cry mood
A wave of sadness and uselessness returns triggered by sobriety and unrelated comments I interpret personally.
I messed up several ways
Wow is me. My life is going to be interesting this month and keeping above depression will be extra hard. Chocolate required.
I tried… until 7:40am
The first day of my most recent “I’m out” phase where I begin the rationing and scrounging to make it last until I can re-up
It’s getting harder each day
a blog about blogging in a meh mood thinking about life.
Still not sure, but ptobably
There are some things in life we lie to ourselves about. The word maybe is an indicator. When most people say maybe, they already have the choice made up. Maybe is used to let somebody else down easy without committing to yes or no, but it probably means no. As a kid,...
It’s crazy but…
Another late night choice. To use, or ot to use there is no question.
The high isn’t always the reason
The obsessive decision loop that happens when I have to choose between sleep or going up for another night of drug induced distraction.
Doing the same thing over and over…because you forgot
Today was the day I noticed my position on the loop of drug use. The things I do every few weeks without realizing — until I notice it.
The last has been postponed
A morning blog and video about the last day and the last teeny bit left before cold turkey. Just like a high school essay, I got another extension.
It’s about time to say it’s about time
A rerun of the kind of blog I post every time I’m on my last days of my drug supply.
The line between stupid and more stupid
I’ve always tried to avoid troubleshooting while high. Now that I’m high almost all the time, it’s a little trickier.
2am choice
alternate titles for this blog. Keeping busy to avoid thinking I gave up keeping track of sleep My Sleep App asked me about my plug I had 20 tabs open on Lipsync puppets. Time to switch obsessions. I'm not high. I think I used this morning before 8... Oh yeah. I just...
I wish it was easier to describe a dream
A poor description of a great dream makes me ponder life and life choices.
230am for no good reason and one bad one
A 3am blog about blogging at 3am #spun
11pm. Still counts
Jetpack knows people like continuity. It sends me a message telling me how many days streak I have been posting blogs in hopes that that inspires me to keep it up and of course it does. Today I went in town with Doug and we did a few things at a few stores. Third week...
There are not bugs under my skin
I gave in to the temptation. Stop the itch with a cloud
That 2am decision came at 10:40pm
To sleep or not to tweak. That is the rhetorical question
Miley not Britney
A video that does not apologize for making more videos because I can’t stop. It’s the most fun I have all day.
Empty House. I clean-ish up
As I typed this blog I started to realize all sorts of new things about myself, most of which were not all happy cloud thoughts. It is deeply self reflecting.
Up late but not spun
I must have said goodnight to my online friends at least 10 times since midnight. Something always distracted me just before I turned the phone off. I debated getting spun again. It's always a tough choice at 2am a3am ad 4am. Tonight I held off and I refrained from...
Trying to quit one addiction cold turkey
My idea to cut back on, or do away with my meth movie making obsession. Day 1.
Ahhh.. chocolate returns to start the day.
I don't remember falling asleep last night but it must haven been reasonably quickly. I opened my eyes 10 minutes ago and rolled over to see my orange clock. It wà 5:45am. A bit earlier than I prefer but I've learned not to risk going back for the second sleep at this...
Do I owe Brittany money?
Another morning arrives without the night in between. Day 3 awake.
Snapchat informed me it’s Earth Day
Observing my usage habits.
Meth Talk – OrangeJeff’s Meth History
Meth talk is a video series where I discuss some of the topics relating to meth users that may be of interest to other meth users.
I tried NOT doing drugs this morning
just trying to get this post online has been blog worthy in itself
This Phase.
Just now I remembered something. I've been here before, and by here I mean this phase of being a daily user. I remember it's happened similarly before. I'm not...
Two minutes to midnight
Still technically Monday and I haven't fallen asleep yet. I've been playing with noses instead of creating anything or making new videos. I should be tired. I haven't smoked anything since 3 or 4:00 p.m. and I was doing pretty well at regulating her fairly normal...
Maybe it is a morning race
I woke up from a particularly good dream this morning by a dog bark. One single dog bark. It was eventually followed by a second Park and the third but spanned out over time. One bark every 30 seconds or so seems to be more efficient at waking humans than a flurry of...
The itch
I can't fully explain it but it seems consistent enough that I am suspicious it may be drug related. It could just as easily be in my head that it is and so the symptoms line up. All day I can work and walk and lay in bed just fine. When I try to go to sleep my legs...
Decisions decisions
Changes in my morning routine are tough to make. I play it safe and smoke my morning pic-me-up before feeding the cows
1st Morning
I woke up 4 minutes before the alarm was to go off and unlike every other day for the past month and a half, I stayed in bed and did not stand up and go take drugs. I said hey to my Google assistant and started the day with the lights on and the radio playing. I...
Online addiction
I probably spend more time playing around on my phone than I do watching TV these days. It's funny to think that a few years back, before I got on medication...
Side Effects may include
blog thoughts late at night.
Admitting you have a problem is not half the battle
Nobody likes to say they’re a drug addict. I’ve never considered myself an addict to anything really. I’ve always been able to quit and have minimum consequences.
I remember Sunday Nights
I don’t consider it a relapse because it was never my intention to quit. I do see the irony of trying to keep my usage a secret while maintaing a public blog.
Sleeping Life without drugs
Today was a sleep day. I woke up to the alarms each time. The 4:20 alarm was the worst surprise. Waking up has never been a very serious problem for me. I can rise pretty quickly when I need to. I woke up and did the scheduled tasks each time. The pig is now comfy...
Tuesday Weather. 🌞 And ☁️
This post marks the very first time I have ever used emojis in the title and I have no idea whether they will translate to the browser or Apple computers or anything really. When I typed in sun and cloud these replacements were offered as options and I decided to...
End of the month. End of the stash.
I certainly should have expected I'd use up my stuff quicker than expected but it seems fitting I will be out on the last day of January. I have no regrets for my usage going up. Despite being a little suspect in the purity department, I really enjoyed this binge. ...
Thursday Morning Muse
A good first message if you’re new here. My life snapshot.
Funny how it works
I can't seem to stop working on my projects now that I found ones I enjoy. I try not say; OK I'm done for now. I'm not done. I keep working. Tweaking, perfecting, adjusting until it's just right and then I move on to the next page. There is always more to do. More to...
The act of smoking
I'm still unsure of this batch of meth. It's obvious that it has some effect. When I woke up, I was the usual morning tired. I smoked two bowls and...
It’s 1:30am on a Friday Night – Saturday morning.
I'm having trouble falling asleep tonight. At first I was staying up late to catch the new Saturday Night Live bit by 10:30, I figured out it was still Friday. I tossed and turned a bit in bed until the bed bugs started gaining my attention. Now it's 1:30 and I'm in...
May I have an extension please?
In school, I was the kid always needing an extension to any deadline. I didn't start to work on things until they were due. I am aware I often never completed the projects withat all. Incomplete was a common word on my report cards. I did well in class and often I...
I can’t sleep forever.
I have work to do. I smoked a bit of meth. I did my work. That's the story. I have enough pipe residue to repeat this a few more days as needed. I have no idea whether pipe white is as strong as a shard, but today it has been enough to get me up and working. I should...
What really happened.
It always frustrates me a little bit that blog readers get the life story backwards. No matter what page of this blog you have to read first, it's history is in a previous post. For example today I started off talking about being off drugs for the first day. Shortly...
Boredom or Addiction?
I had a nice nap from 730 to 930 or so. That was nice. I felt refreshed but wondering. Was this life for the next while? Would I sleep my days away again. The truth of my life is that I don't do much during the days. I have animals to feed at 7, noon and 4:20 and 6...
First day. New day.
The weather is getting cooler. The rooster and three hands are still waking up and expecting to be fed, which is fine. The dogs, or more specifically one of the dogs, seems to be trying out something new. Barking. Barking and whimpering and whining for no apparent...
Food addiction
I just ordered a hamburger without even thinking about it. I knew I had enough money to cover that hamburger despite the fact that I don't have enough money to pay the rest of my bills this month. Does that make hamburgers similar to drug addictions? I just did it. It...
The extra last day
I knew the last day wouldn't really be the last day. Whenever I say I'm out of math and this is my last day, I know there are at least two or three pipes that have a little bit in them and the stems are still white and can be melted into another cloud or two. Even now...
Celebrating the end of that time when I bought a lot and it lasted till today.
I don't actually want to look up when I bought. I would have find out I used an entire ounce in just one month I think I would be surprised and a little upset with...
The in-between time.
YIKES! I forgot about the gurgle. This is the broken bong I usually use without any water in it, so it's usually stealth quit like a pipe but tonight for reasons...
Saturday – long naps
I'm trying to extend the last tiny bit of the drug I have remaining. I started off using some of my brown burn surplus. It provides the exact same amount of white smoke upon exhale but didn't give me any wake-up boost. I rolled over and went back to sleep. I don't...
Final Days
I'll be out soon. I mean I we'll be out of drugs and I will be forced back to normality against my will. That means I'll probably sleep most of the weekend. As I...
Mental addiction
Some drugs are physically addictive and quitting needs a process. Your body learns to function with the drug and needs time to wean off it properly. A lot of mental prescription drugs are this way, but they don't use the word addictive. My Paxil can make me seriously...
Early afternoon T Time
It used to be 4pm, then 3pm but today it's 2pm, and probably 3 and 4 too. I'm staying up and in a good mood, which is hard because I'm obsessively worrying about all the meth I've been smoking this week. [video...
The way life works
I've experienced it before. You probably have too. One of those phases of life when you feel the rut more than yesterday. More of the same. The loop of Thursday, although it can be any day. Another day of waking up, doing my chores, feeling like I want to go back to...
I do my best to not regret.
I had some wild dreams last night including what might be what people call a night terror. There was a lot of waking up yelling and screaming except I'm not really sure that wasn't self maintained within the dream. I remember very little Although it's nice to be...
Review of a good day
It has been an effort to stay awake all day, and I had to argue with my own brain a few times. It offers up some excellent justifications for using, but I was able to get up long enough to feed everyone, have a nice 20 minute chat with the boss. The only person I...
What a nice sunny afternoon to sleep through.
No more clouds in my system or in my pee it would seem. Neither are fully back to normal I understand, but it's nice to see a change that quickly. It gives me hope that a lot of my other problems may have been caused by the same thing. The dehydration was definitely a...
Mid day report
Animals fed. I'm still sleeping in hour long increments bit I feel rested more. I want to sleep again. My body is sore. I briefly reached a point that is common among drug users the day they quit or shortly after. You'd look around and without that high, you see the...
Day 1 without study aids
It's probably a bad idea to try this on the same day I didn't have enough water in the fridge to last evening. I still woke up almost every hour. The evening was unchanged of course since not using drugs doesn't really take effect until this morning when I woke up for...
For the record.
I day this as of 5pm on Tuesday. I will wake up and not do drugs tomorrow. I will be extra tired but I am extra tired today and I did drugs. My "job" consists of three 10 minutes feeding sessions and a more detailed pig session to end my day before 7pm. The rest of...
Always an adversary
I think we all need a nemesis or at least somebody that challenges us with opposing ideas for us to consider and learn from. Sometimes it's a Rooster, bit he and I have reached a point of acceptance for the most part. This week, the evil villain in battle with me is...
Reframing
One of my favourite concepts from my early days getting counselling, was reframing. Simply changing the words I use to describe things can sometimes make a big difference in how others interpret me. And how I feel about the idea myself. I'm not quitting. I'm taking a...
Internal Dialogue of my brain
3am. You seem anxious. We'll, I heard a rumour you were going to not use meth today. Let me make a case against that. (Falls back asleep) 4:00am Ok, so I'm assuming that nonsense about quitting today is behind us. Can you tell me if we'll start right at 5am when he...
Beginner Mistake on an important Friday
A lot of this week went right, despite the underlying sicknesses (plural) that I ignore to dangerous abuse levels. Recently I discovered my pill bottle on the floor next to my bed. That's where I start this story . I have no memory of the last time I took them. My...
Year One vs Now.
I want to get this task done. I'll have the leave the house, takes buses, talk to people etc. I pull up the pipe, take a hit, put on some music and leave the house. That was what I liked about this drug. Energy, Focus, confidence and the ability to start and finish a...
Addicted to addiction…
The worst part, about being a drug addict, is that you know you’re a drug addict. You know, all your excuses are bullshit. You know, when it’s your addiction talking, not you. You know, you’re hurting those around you. You know, you need help. You know, you’re lost....