In school, I was the kid always needing an extension to any deadline. I didn't start to work on things until they were due. I am aware I often never completed the projects withat all. Incomplete was a common word on my report cards. I did well in class and often I...
I have work to do. I smoked a bit of meth. I did my work. That's the story. I have enough pipe residue to repeat this a few more days as needed. I have no idea whether pipe white is as strong as a shard, but today it has been enough to get me up and working. I should...
It always frustrates me a little bit that blog readers get the life story backwards. No matter what page of this blog you have to read first, it's history is in a previous post. For example today I started off talking about being off drugs for the first day. Shortly...
I had a nice nap from 730 to 930 or so. That was nice. I felt refreshed but wondering. Was this life for the next while? Would I sleep my days away again. The truth of my life is that I don't do much during the days. I have animals to feed at 7, noon and 4:20 and 6...
The weather is getting cooler. The rooster and three hands are still waking up and expecting to be fed, which is fine. The dogs, or more specifically one of the dogs, seems to be trying out something new. Barking. Barking and whimpering and whining for no apparent...
I just ordered a hamburger without even thinking about it. I knew I had enough money to cover that hamburger despite the fact that I don't have enough money to pay the rest of my bills this month. Does that make hamburgers similar to drug addictions? I just did it. It...
I knew the last day wouldn't really be the last day. Whenever I say I'm out of math and this is my last day, I know there are at least two or three pipes that have a little bit in them and the stems are still white and can be melted into another cloud or two. Even now...
I don't actually want to look up when I bought. I would have find out I used an entire ounce in just one month I think I would be surprised and a little upset with...
YIKES! I forgot about the gurgle. This is the broken bong I usually use without any water in it, so it's usually stealth quit like a pipe but tonight for reasons...
I'm trying to extend the last tiny bit of the drug I have remaining. I started off using some of my brown burn surplus. It provides the exact same amount of white smoke upon exhale but didn't give me any wake-up boost. I rolled over and went back to sleep. I don't...
I'll be out soon. I mean I we'll be out of drugs and I will be forced back to normality against my will. That means I'll probably sleep most of the weekend. As I...
Some drugs are physically addictive and quitting needs a process. Your body learns to function with the drug and needs time to wean off it properly. A lot of mental prescription drugs are this way, but they don't use the word addictive. My Paxil can make me seriously...
It used to be 4pm, then 3pm but today it's 2pm, and probably 3 and 4 too. I'm staying up and in a good mood, which is hard because I'm obsessively worrying about all the meth I've been smoking this week. [video...
I've experienced it before. You probably have too. One of those phases of life when you feel the rut more than yesterday. More of the same. The loop of Thursday, although it can be any day. Another day of waking up, doing my chores, feeling like I want to go back to...
I had some wild dreams last night including what might be what people call a night terror. There was a lot of waking up yelling and screaming except I'm not really sure that wasn't self maintained within the dream. I remember very little Although it's nice to be...
It has been an effort to stay awake all day, and I had to argue with my own brain a few times. It offers up some excellent justifications for using, but I was able to get up long enough to feed everyone, have a nice 20 minute chat with the boss. The only person I...
No more clouds in my system or in my pee it would seem. Neither are fully back to normal I understand, but it's nice to see a change that quickly. It gives me hope that a lot of my other problems may have been caused by the same thing. The dehydration was definitely a...
Animals fed. I'm still sleeping in hour long increments bit I feel rested more. I want to sleep again. My body is sore. I briefly reached a point that is common among drug users the day they quit or shortly after. You'd look around and without that high, you see the...
It's probably a bad idea to try this on the same day I didn't have enough water in the fridge to last evening. I still woke up almost every hour. The evening was unchanged of course since not using drugs doesn't really take effect until this morning when I woke up for...
I day this as of 5pm on Tuesday. I will wake up and not do drugs tomorrow. I will be extra tired but I am extra tired today and I did drugs. My "job" consists of three 10 minutes feeding sessions and a more detailed pig session to end my day before 7pm. The rest of...
I think we all need a nemesis or at least somebody that challenges us with opposing ideas for us to consider and learn from. Sometimes it's a Rooster, bit he and I have reached a point of acceptance for the most part. This week, the evil villain in battle with me is...
One of my favourite concepts from my early days getting counselling, was reframing. Simply changing the words I use to describe things can sometimes make a big difference in how others interpret me. And how I feel about the idea myself. I'm not quitting. I'm taking a...
3am. You seem anxious. We'll, I heard a rumour you were going to not use meth today. Let me make a case against that. (Falls back asleep) 4:00am Ok, so I'm assuming that nonsense about quitting today is behind us. Can you tell me if we'll start right at 5am when he...
A lot of this week went right, despite the underlying sicknesses (plural) that I ignore to dangerous abuse levels. Recently I discovered my pill bottle on the floor next to my bed. That's where I start this story . I have no memory of the last time I took them. My...
I want to get this task done. I'll have the leave the house, takes buses, talk to people etc. I pull up the pipe, take a hit, put on some music and leave the house. That was what I liked about this drug. Energy, Focus, confidence and the ability to start and finish a...
The worst part, about being a drug addict, is that you know you’re a drug addict. You know, all your excuses are bullshit. You know, when it’s your addiction talking, not you. You know, you’re hurting those around you. You know, you need help. You know, you’re lost....
https://youtu.be/PB5bsFzl98Q I am a meth user, bothg my prescription from a psychiatrist, and from a trusted street dealer, which is easier to obtain. I am not a daily user, but it helps my severe ADHD symptoms and allows me to get more done. I admit to recreational...
There was a brief time when things looked like they were going to be alright. I was on the prescribed dosage of amphetamine and Paxil and I wasn't depressed. I was confident and doing OK. Today I am not. I still have some of that newly discovered confidence, and I...
One of the early signs I'm off the wagon is 2am blogs and 4am blogs and 6am blogs and Second Life blogs. It means I'm staying up all night. I must have gotten high. It started with 5 Molly pills. I'd been without the pressed branded pills for about 2 years. The last...
I have full intention to make this a good blog. I believe I have a good story. The most frustrating thing about being me, is believing I could have been so much more if I'd figured myself out at age 27. Once again, I am living my life in somebody else's world. I...