I procrastinate for all kinds of reasons. Different diagnoses come up with different reasons or justifications. ADHD explains it away and avoidance disorder explains it away. Sometimes it’s just my overall fear of letting people down and being yelled at.
Today I procrastinated for multiple reasons including financial reasons. I have delayed calling the power company and asking for an extension. They are scheduled to shut my power off Monday, possibly even before I’m able to call at 8am and ask for an extension.
It’s bad. Sad that I called at 4pm to plead my case and lie. Oops. Apparently they close Fridays before 4pm for unknown reasons. Tomorrow is the disconnect date, but on a Saturday they offer me a stay of execution till Monday.
It might happen right away. Electronically by some digital clock as soon as business starts on Monday. Even if I call first thing, I am late and they may not offer me any grace.
I sat in bed at 2pm and 3pm and didn’t call. I called at 4pm and they were closed. Oops.
I procrastinated because I’m afraid of telling the truth to my landlord. I’m afraid of his reaction, which will be justified. I had hoped to resolve this without him knowing. It’s happened once before with a last minute hail Mary influx of cash.
I was hoping to repeat it. To save the day in the final moments, but I still don’t have the cash and I missed my moment to beg for forgiveness as I had done the previous week with the Internet creditors.
I’m sad. I’m broke. I’m broken.
And Monday, I may be in trouble. I may be broken in the dark. I might even be homeless.