I start off every year with optimism that it will be better and then a few days in like today which I think is the 4th or 5th January I start to get discouraged that really it’s exactly the same and the fact that the calendar picked January to the beginning probably isn’t even true.
What makes it so frustrating is that I really sincerely would like to lead a more normal life I will would like to be productive and think of things start them and complete them with satisfaction. I am confident that my brain is capable of getting ideas and doing them and accomplishing them but in actual practice every time I think of the new task or an old task my mind expands it to show all the steps and it becomes easy to avoid something that complex
A few minutes ago I said to myself okay let’s clean up the room. It’s something he’s been asking me to do and it’s not that much. I got things on the floor and I’ve gotten accumulated garbage and so when you come in the door it definitely looks quite messy and normally I would look around again that’s only a few minutes to clean. But then as soon as I start I realize that I also have to do this and move this and that’s where do I find this and what other people may see as one task, I see as 40 and will probably end up without having cleaned my room but rearranged all the furniture and built a new shelving unit.
So in my head I give all of this and I go back to bed content with the outcome having not been worth the effort right now but I’ll get to it later
And then I don’t get to it later and instead I blog about it to build my guilt level. It has to be done soon