Sad & Worried -and scared

farm, Personal Journey

A flurry of emotions runs through me every time one of the indoor cats gets outdoors. Today it was extra sneaky and I couldn’t avoid it. I tried my best but the big fat cat got out. I’m told not…

Sad & Worried -and scared

A flurry of emotions runs through me every time one of the indoor cats gets outdoors. Today it was extra sneaky and I couldn’t avoid it. I tried my best but the big fat cat got out. I’m told not to worry as he gets out often and always comes back but lately he’s been picking a fight or something with the neighbors.

The other two cats get outside just to experience it and they seldom leave the yard so they come back within a few minutes or at the next feeding break. This cat stays out for a long time and I suspect he might have another family feeding him. I’ve heard many stories like that without door cats.

However in the last two times he’s gotten out, this time because of me, he is obviously distressed. He’s gone from our view but I can hear him making those distressed cat sounds. Fighting words. Either he’s cornered or a bigger cat is showing dominance but following the warning meows, there is obvious fighting going on. I can’t tell if it’s against a cat, or a raccoon, or perhaps a human trying to pick him up. Whatever the case there are almost definitely injuries on one side or another. Angry cats can be very cutting. I have lifelong scars to prove it.

The dogs also feel emotions when one of their cousins is in distress. The sounds come from beyond a wall they cannot pass. One’s imagination fills with scenarios and I suspect the dogs are concerned in their own way. They whine. They bark. They jump up and down hoping to see over the wall.

They cannot. Hearing someone you know in distress without any possible way of helping or even knowing what that distress involves is a pain I feel deeply, and the dogs feel deeply. When they finally came inside, I even saw them consoling one of the other cats.

It was very emotional, even if I handle emotions differently. More tension and fear of injury than sadness. I don’t want to be the one responsible. His animals mean a lot more to him than I do. This cat escapes often, and returns eventually but that doesn’t make it any less likely that one day he will not return, or he will return badly injured. One of his ears is already half missing. A previous adventure.

I can’t help but obsess over this as the dogs continue to bark in their distress I can only hope that the next time I open that door, he’s there waiting to come inside and be with his friends and perhaps get some affection. I can only hope. Hope with a no course of action. I hate it.

I hate hearing the dogs bark continuously, fruitlessly. Everyone hates feeling useless in a crisis. Being useless in a crisis.

I just wish they found a way to do it without barking.


Edit. Cat home. Obvious signs of fight, but alive. Yay.

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