Perhaps plans is the wrong idea. I set mini goals for each day. Some of them are extremely simple like don’t forget to feed the fish. This morning I forgot to feed the fish.
Some of them of course are more complex. A task that I see had been meaning to do, a customer project that needs some final work or beginning work. My goals can be almost anything but the main point is I never do any of them anyway so why do I bother setting them?
That’s an obviously negative statement to make. In truth I do complete goals and each time I do it feels good. I award myself a gold star within my head. I did a thing.
But then that’s enough for the day. One goal per day I say. Just like my grandparents used to do. If they get up that’s almost enough. Ironically, I can go a whole day without getting up out of bed. Not so much now that I have the task of feeding the farm animals each morning after noon and evening but beyond that I have to set goals that I can do from my bed.
Goals seem fine and good and all doable When I think of them. For example this morning, I woke up a little earlier than usual with a goal. As time approached, I figured out a way to not do it. To put it off a week. I convinced myself it would be better next week, and in truth for this particular goal that’s true. The point is I created the goal and I had every intention of doing the goal until it came time to do it, and my brain mastered away around it. It’s good at that.
Justification to not do things is one of my greatest skills. I should not be proud of that but I’m so good at it sometimes it’s hard not to be.
I still don’t have an absolutely good reason for not calling the mental health hotline that I look at every morning on my screen. I had scenarioed all negative outcomes of making that call but in truth most of the outcomes would probably be positive and may even be financially beneficial especially considering there’s almost no way possible I will be able to make the bills at the end of this month. Again.
The last two months I cheated the system. I worked their way around not doing something. I asked, and people gave me money. Again, I shouldn’t be proud of that. I shouldn’t have needed to ask for money but I did and people responded. People like me. That’s my other great skill.
It’s now almost 8:00 a.m. and I have nothing to do till 2:00 p.m. The weather looks like it may thunderstorm at any minute so I won’t be going outside. You are several things that I could do around this room that I can call goals. We’ll see if I do them or if I lay back and try and sleep. I do my best not to turn on the TV till after 3:00 or 4:00 p.m. so that the work day seems separate from the non-work day, even if I don’t really do any work.
I can organize my computer. Delete files or move them around. I used to do a lot of that. It won’t hold my interest any longer.
I need to create a secondary blog that isn’t filled with some of the things this blog is. I’d like to slowly work towards having an online presence that isn’t known for my 4:00 a.m. cloud blowing drug videos.
That may not happen today but something probably will towards it. I’ve added a number of new features to my OBS and one is to handle overlays and graphics that I can use to brand myself a little bit.
Slowly. as long as I’m continuing to work on something it’s not a failure. It’s just incomplete.
Now I’ve come to the end of my blog and I feel like I want to write more instead of quitting and then having nothing to do. No. That’s it. This one is done.
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