Drug Posts

These blogs contain conversations related to drugs and drug use. In many cases, the blogs were written while high on various recreational substances. I warn that not all of these entries make sense, and they have not been proof-read.

Drug Posts

Weekend Rejects

Three experiments I didn’t share because I didn’t like them enough.

These blogs contain conversations related to drugs and drug use. In many cases, the blogs were written while high on various recreational substances. I warn that not all of these entries make sense, and they have not been proof-read.

End of the month. End of the stash.

End of the month. End of the stash.

I certainly should have expected I'd use up my stuff quicker than expected  but it seems fitting I will be out on the last day of January. I have no regrets for my usage going up. Despite being a little suspect in the purity department, I really enjoyed this binge.  It may be some time before I buy in that kind of quantity of course. I have very little income remaining and now I have to try and...

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Another secret attempt at sharing

Another secret attempt at sharing

I'm almost 60 and about to stop using meth again. It puts my mind in a reflective mood reevaluating who I am, and what things I missed that might still be possible. It's part of a recurring trick my brain starts playing in an attempt to justify buying more drugs. I try to convince myself there are tasks I would be doing if I had the focus high.   In this case, it's about some of the social...

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Daily Smoke. Daily Video

Daily Smoke. Daily Video

John Stewart once said something helpful about doing a daily show. You never have to worry about doing a bad one for long because you replace it tomorrow. This is not a great daily smoke video. One exhale, restyled as different versions of me.

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Disguised excuses

Disguised excuses

Every now and then I take note of something in my life that is different than I remember it being. The question I always ask myself is, is this because of my drug use or because I'm almost 60 years old. The good news is, whichever one I wanted to be it can be. In some cases it would be beneficial to blame the drugs and say I'm going to be off them again next week. We'll see if it comes back or...

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The time between 3am and 6am

The time between 3am and 6am

When I find myself awake and aware at 3am, it's usually clear I'll be up all night. Sometimes I can fall back asleep but these days it usually means I used some drugs too late or too often for sleep. At this point in the early morning, the effects of my Paxil have little effect, so I tend to start thinking about not sleeping, and that keeps me awake. At 3am on weekdays, he wakes up to ready...

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Non-Sexual Frustrations

Non-Sexual Frustrations

I scroll through Tumblr or Reddit and the posts about drugs are always intermixed with drugs containing sex. Most frequently, lots of nudity and hard active sex. I want to be a part of that world, but I'm terrified, so I just ignore it. I don't even try. I stay sexless and dull, scrolling by the fabulous tits wondering what my life could have been. Wishing of had a sexy drug girlfriend and liked...

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Sunday Funnies

Sunday Funnies

It’s Sunday, and in memory of the days gone by when I was excited to read the newspaper comics, today’s video has been modified to look like cartoons.

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Saturday Sleep

Saturday Sleep

I was tired most of the day yesterday. Considering how much meth I smoked trying to not be tired, it was a bit surprising. I figured today would be a good day to catch up on some extra sleep. On weekends, I get to sleep past 7am. I slept till about noon, with occasional wake ups to take my meds and drink some water. At noon, I decided it was enough, and I started my day with a few hits of wake...

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Change of plans? No problem

Change of plans? No problem

I've always been adaptable to a change in plans at the last minute. At least I think I have. I know I don't mind postponing or cancelling. It ends my anxiety instantly. I suppose I get upset at the big plans I was looking forward to, but I try to not let change like that bother me. I like the universe making plans for me. Tonight  I planned to go to sleep early and sleep maybe all day. My body...

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I can almost remember

I can almost remember

I had a good night's sleep and only woke up once I think just before midnight. Then again for the final time at 5:45 a.m.  There's a unique state of mind that I'm not sure I've experienced before. I can remember having a dream, but not remember the dream. I definitely had a unique dream complete with all of the components that make up my dreams which are scripted scenes with detail and...

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Too wide a net

Too wide a net

Sometimes I think this blog is trying to do too much for me. It is my hobby and the silent friend I talk to when I need an outlet. It doesn't judge me. That might change. One of problems in life is that expectations of success are usually not close to reality. I don't like my dreams and goals. They're better left as dreams, because the realities are hard. Effort. I can dream without lifting a...

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Two Thursday Clouds

Two Thursday Clouds

Once I finally made the decision to not go to sleep on Thursday, I started making videos again. I didn't make as many but each time I make one I blow another cloud so it's a self-fulfilling cycle that gets me higher, and when I'm higher I want to make more videos which requires me to get higher. I won't say I've been super high because of the way my brain works but I've certainly been in a very...

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For no reason I’ll admit to

For no reason I’ll admit to

It's Saturday at 4,:30am. I woke up slightly off my regular schedule and broke a streak of consistency. I'd had several weird dreams related to non existent web design projects that seemed complex and broken, so I almost call them nightmares. I had a bit of a hunger so in keeping with the theme of inconsistency, I smoked a bit, ate a few soft cookies and decided to try a blog. I've become...

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Focus Fuel Webcam Hit

Focus Fuel Webcam Hit

Every day I turn on my webcams and start working on customer support issues, website updates, and my own project at club.frogstar. I stream this on the webcams but I don't usually talk much, so all you see is me working, or taking hits off the bong.

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Thursday Morning Mood

Thursday Morning Mood

I slept well, and woke up refreshed. Almost instantly, I reached for my last piece of chocolate and the meth bong to start my day. I don't have guilt or regrets about this anymore. At this moment in time, I am ok with identifying as a daily meth user... At least to myself and my blog. I don't like to use the word addict because somehow that feels worse, and it seems to imply that it is a need...

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2am Wednesday

2am Wednesday

It wasn't a productive day and I had little to do officially, so I mostly tried to get higher, but this medication tops out for me. At a certain point, pretty much after 3 bowls or so, more doesn't help. More and more is wasted except for the purpose of making videos, so I made a lot more clips. I probably smoked more today than my heaviest days, and made quite a few clips to be included in...

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Video Correction Request

Webcam Archive

I started streaming myself more starting in November. I am exposing the discussing and boring side of my life alone in this 12x12 room. This is the Archive as of today. [gallery type="google" view='photos' album_id='ACG1XVPvYVe2R78O9uBvQMFGh95XVUsRvqFmH74gzvB29jVPEKalukTU6YSQfTWJypw00bEigizE' media='videos' count='400' layout='masonry' thumb_size='150' crop_thumb='no-crop' main_size='1600'...

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I’m missing out on a big part

I’m missing out on a big part

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll (or EDM) has been a partier's top 3 activities for decades. The drugs and music may have changed, and the rules for sex are not the same as in the 70s or 80s but music, sex and drugs are the party tools. I've been missing out on a major third and I'm almost 60. It's so hard scrolling through Tumblr or Reddit posts and seeing everybody talking sex. Everybody but me....

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The loop

The loop

I know I've talked about the loop before and honestly I know I've talked about a lot of different ones but this week I'm experiencing this week is the loop of doing the same thing over and over expecting different results where have I heard that before. I get high at night regret it and do it anyway the next night when I could have gone to sleep much earlier I don't like to be productive tonight...

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Artificial Excitement

Artificial Excitement

I've been working full days on the new website project over the holidays. On many ways I am impressed with myself, which of course leads me to suspect the good mood. I will find fault with my happiness soon enough. Onviously I am maintaining those hyper focus mostly because of my meth usage, which has been surprisingly low. That's because I amp up on the morning, and hardly stop working till...

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The Club

The Club

I am a helpful person when I can be. I like to make people smile. My goals in life have always been to support of others in some way. I'm working on a new project that has been my idea for decades. ... I stop typing. It's late on Christmas night and I want to sleep... But apparently not enough to stay trying instead of doing a little more. Meth is not a "one more before bed" kind of drug. It's...

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I can imagine doing it, but I can’t do it.

I can imagine doing it, but I can’t do it.

I'm laying in bed at 2:45am thinking about all the stuff I need to do to get serious about my life-long website dream project. I'm getting old and it would be nice to find success for my next chapter. It would be nice to be validated by at least the recognition it was a good idea. Having a genius business plan means nothing if you don't get the help to do all the right things beyond the concept....

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