Deeper introspection of being asked to go away with little hope of survival
Trust and respect
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Drug Posts
These blogs contain conversations related to drugs and drug use. In many cases, the blogs were written while high on various recreational substances. I warn that not all of these entries make sense, and they have not been proof-read.
Only one dirty pipe
I’m not a happy cap camper.
Instagram is dealing
I’m so confused. My user was banned for showing drug use and yet these ads are taking up more than 50% of my feed these days
Avoiding depression
A sadness post I will acknowledge then ignore
I see it sometimes more than other times
Risky airport story that ended well. No worry needed.
Stupid Crush Mode
A song about a girl I had a high crush on.
The leaving worry trumps the arriving
Spontaneous unscheduled all-nighter working on the web after a few days of low motivation
Formula 51
If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.
so then I blogged
Just a low day update. Meh
The decision of choice
Justification post describing the mental struggle as if it’s a good thing.
More? Enough? more… Oops
Realizing mornings
Feeling … Line?
blah night, all night
2:41AM
Late Night, Early morning.
I miss you… And you and you
Not a happy start to the day, and you can feel more negative thoughts are to come.
The adjustment period
I think I was actually staying off drugs almost a month this time and so there's a bit of an adjustment. When you come back cuz they haven't been very productive and I haven't been overly happy and while I was off the drugs I was told we kind of like you to leave as soon as possible. That's a paraphrasing of my own words but people with my brain type often take comments as personal attacks. Or...
Deep Jack Handy Thoughts
THIS IS MY LIFE. I think useless thoughts that go nowhere and have no conclusion.
I wish I could keep trying and failing
I want to be fucked more than anything, but the terror I experience projecting my failure spoils the mood through seven stages of grief.
Successful ignorance and avoidance ended tonight
A perspective shift can often make a huge difference. After I shared this I realized my flirting misunderstand and Subway explanation may have made me look even more like an idiot.
Mid June update
No drugs. Good memories.
Lots of drafts
Filler blog. Nothing new.
The down streak
In keeping with lights pattern of having bad things happen when you're in a bad mood and multiple bad things happening in threes or in groups, this isn't a great Monday. It seems my server has upgraded websites to a newer PHP that isn't compatible with all the plugins I use so that's one thing. The site that I'm working on that should be done by now but it keeps dragging on because AI makes...
Week two. Burnt buzzes
Taking a break but not quitting.
After this break
After a break
They’re laughing at me, aren’t they?
Fuck. Realization.
Another day outside Paradise
Recap of my horrid morning.
More sadness posts
A horrid hungry morning
September Cloud Blowing
The party life sync problem.
Very high on k at the end. More updates later.
Problem stacking
Life. Don’t talk to me about life.
How well do I know people
Good morning blog about how my brain creates a decision making process about everything. I have to choose to trust blindly and it gets harder every year
Wow. Two masking dudes
A brain to gboard unedited script here, but if luck hits it right a different version will magically start an income for something I want to give away
Is the wall breaking?
A shit post about shit.
Wednesday all night
Wednesday all day and all night.
Terrifying but ignorable guilt
Another problem I ignore hoping will go away.
Holiday Monday Amped Am
I am super amped up this morning believing this blog is great.
I’m not used to being busy
I started writing about something else and just rambled.
Offline ramble. Distractions and Excuses
Why I don’t like to finish what I’ve started.
I wish I knew more, but I do. Perspective
A quick unintended ramble about being secretly smarter than you.
I admit it. I’m brain blocked
I distraction blog written when I’m supposed to be doing something else about distractions when I’m supposed to be doing something else.
When the meds aren’t working
The circle of dehydrated solid bulky poo.
My fantasy. Who, me?
I just got a reply on Reddit to an attempt at flirting that made me remember how bad I am at flirting
I’m out. January edition
The repeating return of being out and restocking my current drug of choice, and chocolate.
I passed worry and fear weeks ago
It’s funny to think that there’s such a thing as bad math which would imply that there’s good meth and there is but it ain’t what I’ve got today
Accidental Meth Addiction Q&A
I cannot decide if this was a good reply or not, but meth says it’s a great example of meth addiction so I posted it feeling confident.
Decision Time. 2:34am
A 3am blog about what happens next. 4am, 5am. Are we set for a new music release, or work?
I listened to one of the early AI podcasts
A spontaneous life evaluation post. The kind I often have in January. Reflect on things I’m not planning on changing
The ewww but do it anyway ritual
The life of a drug user.
A weird place to be in my brain
Hard drug choices. Drugs are bad, but bad drugs are worse.
I won’t try this again, probably
Bait and switch before I knew it.
Sleepover
Deep bleh thoughts
No Smoke. No Snack Tuesday
Part of an unbalanced break – fast. Literally fasting through a break… Maybe.
Morning necessities
I’m out again. This or soon will be.
Sudden irrational fear… But maybe
Oh no. I’m out again
Hair ,-The nightmare.
A deep and personal blog written as soon as I woke up today. Life perspective.
Really bad Jeff day
That time I built on hard work.
spun spun spun… All night song
Original song and music video edit
Things I notice occasionally
A mid day pondering.
My legacy is self ruining
That escalated quickly. A 5am confessional.
Six false starts.
The secret blog revealed. Warning. Not for the faint of heart.
I picked up my phone for this
The most important blog I didn’t write.
Autistic User Manual
Late night blog post that should have been longer but I lost the energy halfway through. The original idea was I wanted to talk about the concept of creating a user manual for autistic people and their friends and family.
Six two
Today is a good day. Why write it any other day?
Thursday Review.
Good and bad moments, but a good day starts with bank deposits.
A day of sucking
A lot of things have not gone well today and I'm always fascinated by these kind of unrelated minor problems that seem to happen when I'm in a bad mood. I've always said; good things happen when you're in a good mood and bad things happen when you're in a bad mood. I never really thought much about it beyond the quote. The universe just seems to work out that way and the understanding is beyond...
The return of doubt
When I'm low on my drug, I ration the doses so I don't have to go without any at all. It's probably not a good plan but to some extent it does give me a small amount each day instead of going cold turkey until I have a car and funds at the same time, and can go restock. The problem happens that I also have to eat and my budget often forgets I need to restock that too, pretty much every week. It...
October Nights, Dreams and Mornings.
October is the best. Deep sleep hard mornings and orange chocolate.
Morning blog choice
I don’t know how to describe this blog. New rut is disturbing.
Thanksgiving dinner
A blog it doesn’t mention Thanksgiving dinner and then an unrelated music video that I wrote today about coming clean and admitting my drug habit so that I can share this blog with more people. Hidden away in an unrelated post so that I have an out when I don’t do that.
My first liver spot!
A story about life’s mood swings and wasted worry.
Thursday of the week alone
I've been alone since Tuesday, taking care of the house and the animals, and I've done an OK job. It's not particularly difficult, it's just more than usual, remembering times and paying attention to the distress barks if there are any. And today I woke up i've been getting up a little bit earlier and doing some of my social activities before I start other things and it's interesting but if you...