Am I the same person

People say drugs change you. Your whole personality changes because of addiction. I understand that statement, and a self evaluation is hard, but I can certainly think about a few ways I’ve changed. I can imagine my close friends might…

People say drugs change you. Your whole personality changes because of addiction. I understand that statement, and a self evaluation is hard, but I can certainly think about a few ways I’ve changed.

I can imagine my close friends might notice even more changes. I had a hard time adapting to living alone.

I look different. I lost a lot of face weight along with body weight. Two belt sizes or more.

When I’m high, I avoid people. When I’m not high, I ignore people, but feel bad about it.

I wish I could hang out and be social, but the pandemic is offering itself as an excuse, so we don’t know if I would have been. I want a lot of things I do nothing about.

I am gearing the period coming up soon where I will be out of supply. That extra week I can sometimes salvage out of the leftovers. It’s not been a huge issue, but this recent binge was faster than the last.

I’ll need chocolate. I could use some now but I won’t walk to the store. I’m not allowed.

I was hoping to get things done today. I snorted instead of smoking in the morning and it worked, but I five right back into making my clip movies. Still the drug ones I don’t need to make at all.

…..

Am I stupider or just high? Iau have to wait a month to know. I try not to worry about losing my mind or memory. As I decline from age and/or drugs, at every stage, that will be my new NOW and I do my best to embrace it. I adapt.

I understand my body isn’t happy about the meth use, and it will probably be a prime factor in how I might die. I’m much more afraid of not dying. Either way, I will embrace my NOW and try my hardest not to become a grumpy complainer.

It’s only 1:19 am and I can’t find a friendship peer. Since I just did more instead of trying to go to sleep I may open up second life and search that universe.

I need to be mentally active and I’ve masterbated more than usual all week hopped up on goofballs.

Blowing more clouds than needed just to shoot a third take on the bong hit. There is a joy and addiction to checking notifications and seeing a like. Just one is often enough to make it worth it.

I earned a smile.

I’m sercond guessing decisions and often just letting the universe decide.

I never think… No… I seldom think my stuff is as good as theirs. Everything I thought I was good at, everyone else is better and charges more.

I am close to understanding that one better but it’s a hard one.

Break.

I created this today and I am not sure I want to promote the site, so I use this on this site.