Leave me wanting …

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I always plan on leaving the house on the weekend. I’m not in charge of the animals and it would be a perfect time to spend the three bucks, get on a bus, and go downtown. When I lived in…

Leave me wanting …

I always plan on leaving the house on the weekend. I’m not in charge of the animals and it would be a perfect time to spend the three bucks, get on a bus, and go downtown.

When I lived in Toronto I used to love walking downtown. Young Street was always a fun place to walk, and still is. When I go to Toronto I tend to make the effort to walk Young Street again. It’s always just a little bit different as buildings are torn down and condos are built.

Familiar places are gone along with the memories I had. I remember the building where we played pool at 3:00 in the morning. I remember when pinball machines were still popular in Toronto and there were two competing video arcades across from each other.

I remember the days when people used to buy records and Sam the record man was one of the largest chains in Canada and downtown Toronto was a gigantic store that in itself was a tourist attraction. Over the years the competition stores, they were equally huge shut down but Sam’s stage till the very end and it’s popularity was so great that they kept the sign and it now hangs on a different building just as a monument. It’s kind of neat that they did that.

Where I live now doesn’t quite have the same atmosphere. The actual downtown of Niagara Falls is quite empty and depressing and probably poor. I’ve never been there at a time when anything was even remotely active. It’s not worth the walk once, so it’s not worth the walk twice.

The main strip of Niagara Falls I have walked. Anytime anyone comes to Niagara Falls that’s one of the things you do. You start down by the falls and you walk up Clifton Hill or if you’re staying in a hotel or parked nearby you start at the top and you walk down towards the falls.

Clifton Hill has changed over the years as businesses of closed others have opened. I missed the Guinness book of world records location. They still have two arcade areas across the street from each other but they’re not classic arcades. They are I think they call them redemption games which means you play the game and you win these little tickets and then at the end you turn in 10,000 tickets and you can afford a pencil eraser.

I guess technically there are actually three streets that people walk along not including the Niagara Falls Street itself. One of them is a little higher end and contains the main casino. Niagara Falls has two casinos. Temporary one which people really like so they kept it, and the new one which isn’t quite as nice but it tried harder.

In my head, I would enjoy this walk and every night I look outside and I think the summer is ending and I haven’t made that trip yet. I always come up with reasons not to. Usually it’s because by the time the weekend comes around, I have spent all my money, often down to the last few dollars.

Even if I don’t plan on buying anything going out without available cash always seems like a bad plan to me. I do want to buy a new bong and the Niagara strip has at least four or five excellent stores filled with bongs. Far more than the ones on Yonge Street. I have two favorites and unlike other bong stores, accessories for the non-weed smoker like myself are available in good variety.

I can buy meth bongs and regular bong meth accessories in two or three locations so the variety is usually quite good and well worth the trip downtown. I just haven’t done it. Today would have been a perfect day to go. But I didn’t.

I also want to find a doctor in Niagara Falls, either on a temporary basis like a walk-in clinic or preferably one one I could retain and talk about some personal issues that might get me a referral to a psychiatrist or at least a – is it a PSW? Personal support worker? I have no idea but I really do need to talk to somebody on a regular basis and the way my brain works I really prefer it to be in person because I need to see that person in order to maintain full attention and focus. That’s one of the reasons I want to speak to them.

I would love to give up my drug addiction in exchange for a legal prescription. More than that, I really would like to get back into seeing a psychiatrist because since the last one over 3 years ago I have learned so many new things that I am evaluating based on my education only, and that could potentially be bad because in my head once I believe something it is canon and part of my universe. So if I think I’ve got something, then I have that thing.

I’m sure in most cases I’m probably correct and I do have that thing but I’d really like to talk to somebody about it. Somebody smart and objective.

September is the 2-year anniversary of me living in Niagara Falls under this roof. Officially, I only asked for 2 years and I should probably renew the request but that particular question opens myself up to review and potential changes. I had the advantage now in that I’m feeding the animals while he works so I am needed. Needed more than the spare bedroom I occupy in any case.

I try not to stress about it. I try not to stress about anything and although that may be part of my problem, it’s how I cope so I’m okay with it.

Tomorrow is Sunday and this is a long weekend so if I want food I should order it tomorrow spending my last few dollars. Maybe I’ll go into the city and walk around the casino. Keeping that hope and goal alive is important. I know I won’t go into the city tomorrow but saying I might seems to give life a little more purpose. I’m not sure how but it does.

6:30 p.m. and I’ve got four pieces of pizza left some Coca-Cola to finish up and some TV to watch. A good Saturday overall. I actually slept for about 4 hours today. One at a time.

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