Flip Flopping isn’t a bad thing.

I have do much to share but let’s see what gets retained long enough for the blog. I flip flop a lot. Often several times a minute as I internally debate decisions. If I stall long enough somebody else will…

I have do much to share but let’s see what gets retained long enough for the blog.

I flip flop a lot. Often several times a minute as I internally debate decisions. If I stall long enough somebody else will make it.

My phyciatrist has a standard procedure of always asking if I have sicicidal thoughts or self harm. I modified my stock answer. I’m actually enjoying the story. I’m having fun still. In many ways I turned 50 and made change.

Psychiatrist visits were extremely helpful but I started to feel guilty. My internal conscience that lives by the rules don’t interrupt annoy or inconvenience and that made me feel guilty about getting mental health treatment.

I am oddly optimistic about the future and have been since I was a boy. I feel, I lose that the challenge, I don’t complete the project, but tomorrow who knows what might happen. I started watching some YouTube videos on ADHD and they made me really want to get back on medication because it’s just better I mean it’s possible to do things.

I don’t deny my latest chapter was the most challenging yet, but that really is how it should be. I love evolving. I love being corrected.

My social life experience was to avoid most of it… And then remember the good stories. I lived alone in my head battling the paradox of being smart, and still fail so badly at everything.

My memories and stories are of the good times. I love family game night, and the sores never mattered. I never even realized how I almost never won at games or sports or catching a ball.

That’s right. The points don’t matter.

My memories and stories of sports are all fantastic. One CFL game, one Pro Basketball game in Halufax. One soccer game in Seattle, tennis in Toronto, And a few Jays games in both stadiums. Each and every one has its own group of stories. The points don’t matter.

I am going to try dating again, but in my own way. It’s scary because my brain has had weeks to imagine all the movie quality Psycho women stories.

Then I remember. If you make the story the prize, every day can be a good day. When all else fails, be sure to save a good story.

This is how I survived losing my main income two weeks before COVID and then my home. I was evicted, homeless and saved in 16 days. It was amazing .

It reminded me of Ford prefect and Arthur Dent being shot out of an airlock from the vogon construction fleet and picked up within the 32 seconds of non-oxygen. The infinite improbability drive.

It started off looking like it was going to be an ideal situation helpful to me to get me back on track and middle class in a beautiful town within walking distance. I messed it up and 70 days later I was homeless again to be whisked up in the final hour once again. The universe provides

Break

End of part 1