I know a number of people who sleep until the afternoon and then begin their day at 2 or 4pm on a regular basis. I have almost become them, except I’m still waking up before 7am… And then doing basically nothing till 2 or 3pm.
It’s a weird feeling to waste each day doing nothing except scrolling through 30 video clips on any of the various platforms. I’m not interacting with people. I just watch strangers live out what was once my dream. Talking to their audience.
I feel guilt. Apart from my streaming webcam, nobody really knows I am not living a good life. I’m living an idle life, waiting for the universe to change in some way that requires me to react.
I am not learning. I’m not smiling or laughing. I’m not sharing. I’m not happy, but I’m not unhappy so it’s easy to continue. Coasting isn’t unpleasant but change is effort and risk.
Something will change soon. I’m not in demand anymore so I have to be patient. I can do patient. It’s an easy task to wait as long as I don’t have to stand.