My social media feeds these days are all filled with people talking about their ADHD symptoms. It's trending to be autistic apparently which makes it all the more difficult for people who have known about this for years. Now when I complain about ADHD symptoms, people...
I can't tell if my insomnia today is real or in my mind. I'm not sure that it matters all that much, because either way, I'm still awake at 1:00 a.m. and I anticipate it's made last the whole night. Early this morning I blogged about how small a quantity of meth smoke...
I wish I had the nerve and the talent to properly express myself on websites and figure out how to meet people and mingle. I am a 59-year-old male with excellent communication skills. I'm a nice guy but I am asexual and have never really experienced passion or horniness or sex. I'm awkward. I react differently than people expect to just above every social situation and have a fear of asking for...
This post marks the very first time I have ever used emojis in the title and I have no idea whether they will translate to the browser or Apple computers or anything really. When I typed in sun and cloud these replacements were offered as options and I decided to choose them. It is most likely not to practice I will continue in the future but who knows. The world is changing and language is...
I certainly should have expected I'd use up my stuff quicker than expected but it seems fitting I will be out on the last day of January. I have no regrets for my usage going up. Despite being a little suspect in the purity department, I really enjoyed this binge. It may be some time before I buy in that kind of quantity of course. I have very little income remaining and now I have to try and...
I'm almost 60 and about to stop using meth again. It puts my mind in a reflective mood reevaluating who I am, and what things I missed that might still be possible. It's part of a recurring trick my brain starts playing in an attempt to justify buying more drugs. I try to convince myself there are tasks I would be doing if I had the focus high. In this case, it's about some of the social...
Every now and then, for a brief moment, I reflect on the negative aspects of my situation instead of living in the positive thoughts. This is one of those moments.
I scroll through Tumblr or Reddit and the posts about drugs are always intermixed with drugs containing sex. Most frequently, lots of nudity and hard active sex. I want to be a part of that world, but I'm terrified, so I just ignore it. I don't even try. I stay sexless and dull, scrolling by the fabulous tits wondering what my life could have been. Wishing of had a sexy drug girlfriend and liked...
I am experiencing a mental block that's trying to prevent me from continuing work on my new website project. I've had enough time to overthink and predict future failures so my excitement and enthusiasm in the creation of the project has dipped a little. This is not a new thing for me. It's actually the opposite and the new thing is how well I was working on it for so long. I give that to the...
Sometimes I think this blog is trying to do too much for me. It is my hobby and the silent friend I talk to when I need an outlet. It doesn't judge me. That might change. One of problems in life is that expectations of success are usually not close to reality. I don't like my dreams and goals. They're better left as dreams, because the realities are hard. Effort. I can dream without lifting a...
I live an unusual lifestyle on many levels, and it's easy to mis-judge me without a better understanding of some of the aspects.The most significant among the misunderstandings is the one of my sexuality. Even I find it hard to really understand. Sexuality and gender are complex parts of who we are, individually and as a society. We've opened up the definitions and terms a lot in recent years in...
Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll (or EDM) has been a partier's top 3 activities for decades. The drugs and music may have changed, and the rules for sex are not the same as in the 70s or 80s but music, sex and drugs are the party tools. I've been missing out on a major third and I'm almost 60. It's so hard scrolling through Tumblr or Reddit posts and seeing everybody talking sex. Everybody but me....
I know that 1:45am is technically Tuesday but I was actually a bit surprised. It felt like more than one day of work. My morning 5am bump has not only allowed me to work the entire day on a project, it seems it's not scheduled to slow down and let me get to sleep. I'm still not tired. Oops. I overshot it a bit. I was happy to progress more on my new obsession and at the end of the day, I broke...
Yesterday, around 5am as near as I can figure, I stuck some bong water mixed with more of the drug up my ass using a syringe. It wasn't the first time. I didn't measure out anything. It was a rush much better than usual, and I stayed focused and working for over 12 hours without much stress or concern. I didn't even eat, which was handy since I have no food. Today around 5:30, I tried again....
I slept in this morning. Since then, I've been having a down day. Reflective. December moods for me, are when I watch the happy lives of friends, family, and consumers all seem to be happy. I look around my 12x12 room so filled with clutter, the floor is only visible in two spots. It is not the room of a happy, healthy man. I am passing my third December in a rut. A basic routine of virtually...
