I don't really feel like doing anything today. Even this blog was a chore. I almost just typed blah and saved it at that. Today is one of those days where I take mental stock of my situation and blah is the best I can come up with. It's better in most ways than it was...
Life

Trying hard to not feel bad
As one chapter ends, a new life begins. Living out of a knapsack at age 60

The Wednesday Overwhelming
I didn't get much done today, and I really needed to. its Wednesday and I had tentatively planned to visit Toronto one last time before moving thousands of kilometres away to the next chapter in my life story. I decided to make this chapter a fresh break in a new province and move without taking things with me. Without taking my chest of memories and my toys and gadgets and computers. The last...

Friday Night Lockout
I'm not sure whether things like this are intentional or not, and I'm not sure how to react or what to do because I like to not be a bother and rock the boat. This is especially true right now because he's decided to be angry with me this month. Little things will certainly poke the bear and set off another rage fest. I didn't think he was still baracading the back door, but I guess I was wrong....

8:23pm came with a side of sadness.
I've been doing ok with life. I know I'm doing poorly and only getting a few tasks done per day. By around 3pm I nap or just stare at the ceiling. Later in the afternoon, I start TV and get a few shows in before sleep. More accurately, before I lay still awaiting sleep. Since Sunday I've been taking a nighttime Benadryl for allergic relief against the bed bugs, but it also makes me drowsy enough...

Funny thing happened on the way to the bin
Just as I’m preparing to move, life laughs at me

Oops. 4pm was too late.
I procrastinate for all kinds of reasons. Different diagnoses come up with different reasons or justifications. ADHD explains it away and avoidance disorder explains it away. Sometimes it's just my overall fear of letting people down and being yelled at. Today I procrastinated for multiple reasons including financial reasons. I have delayed calling the power company and asking for an extension....
Read moreIt is a hell I have accepted and adapted to but something really should change because enjoying life is hard from here.

A lot of forgetting this weekend.
I decided it was time to blog about my wild weekend since they don't happen very often. The landlord had invited his son over and we sat in the kitchen the three of us and got super high on weed and lines of coke. Lots of lines of coke.. I didn't sleep Friday but I did sleep in Saturday and then Sunday I took two of the Tesla Molly pills that I absolutely love. They are my favorite drug I just...

The Trust Issue
I have known two friends in my life that don’t love themselves. They have not been overly successful in finding partners because of this. This little story came to me after a dream and I am debating whether to share it with them or not.
1am Again.
I can't tell if my insomnia today is real or in my mind. I'm not sure that it matters all that much, because either way, I'm still awake at 1:00 a.m. and I anticipate it's made last the whole night. Early this morning I blogged about how small a quantity of meth smoke was sufficient to make my day productive. It was. Quite productive. I scrounged together $350 and paid off some bills and ordered...

I’m Chicken
I wish I had the nerve and the talent to properly express myself on websites and figure out how to meet people and mingle. I am a 59-year-old male with excellent communication skills. I'm a nice guy but I am asexual and have never really experienced passion or horniness or sex. I'm awkward. I react differently than people expect to just above every social situation and have a fear of asking for...

Tuesday Weather. 🌞 And ☁️
This post marks the very first time I have ever used emojis in the title and I have no idea whether they will translate to the browser or Apple computers or anything really. When I typed in sun and cloud these replacements were offered as options and I decided to choose them. It is most likely not to practice I will continue in the future but who knows. The world is changing and language is...

Another secret attempt at sharing
I'm almost 60 and about to stop using meth again. It puts my mind in a reflective mood reevaluating who I am, and what things I missed that might still be possible. It's part of a recurring trick my brain starts playing in an attempt to justify buying more drugs. I try to convince myself there are tasks I would be doing if I had the focus high. In this case, it's about some of the social...

Jan 27. Pre-worry has begun
Every now and then, for a brief moment, I reflect on the negative aspects of my situation instead of living in the positive thoughts. This is one of those moments.

Disguised excuses
Every now and then I take note of something in my life that is different than I remember it being. The question I always ask myself is, is this because of my drug use or because I'm almost 60 years old. The good news is, whichever one I wanted to be it can be. In some cases it would be beneficial to blame the drugs and say I'm going to be off them again next week. We'll see if it comes back or...

Too wide a net
Sometimes I think this blog is trying to do too much for me. It is my hobby and the silent friend I talk to when I need an outlet. It doesn't judge me. That might change. One of problems in life is that expectations of success are usually not close to reality. I don't like my dreams and goals. They're better left as dreams, because the realities are hard. Effort. I can dream without lifting a...

Good idea I’ve decided I won’t do
Despite being aware that nobody is checking out this blog except Romanian botts and search engines, it still keeps me happy and gives me something to do each day instead of sitting around on my bed doing drugs like the stereotype junkie. I can tell myself it's a great learning experience, and it is, but in the end, I'm doing it because I enjoy it. It's almost like I finally found a hobby at 59...

The Universe Provides
New friends can be a joy and simultaneously such a stress.

Interesting or weird?
A brief evaluation of my current situation.

Reboot. Jan 1st 2023
A new beginning of self discovery and blogging… Until it’s not.