It’s Saturday at 4,:30am. I woke up slightly off my regular schedule and broke a streak of consistency. I’d had several weird dreams related to non existent web design projects that seemed complex and broken, so I almost call them nightmares. I had a bit of a hunger so in keeping with the theme of inconsistency, I smoked a bit, ate a few soft cookies and decided to try a blog.

I’ve become somewhat aware that my blogs have little value to the reader.i don’t think I’m writing anything of actual interest. I’m not telling stories or offering wisdom or insights but more often, I’m just describing inconsequential feelings. I don’t leave my room, and not much changes so my blogs have become boring explanations of the same things day after day

I’m not really even trying to change.its just me, being me  Monday to Friday and the same on weekends I talk about not doing things and not feeling bad about not doing things. On the days I start to be more creative, I fizzle out and go back to take a nap.

I have convinced myself this is pretty much the same problem I had during the three months I wasn’t using daily. The routine of nothingness didn’t get better or worse with the addition of drugs. I can’t remember if that is true, but I certainly no I was even less productive. At least on these drugs, I have maintained a more consistent work week .my rut includes progress.

I suppose I am slightly more stuck with less creative flow  not quite the zombie mood I had on Ritalin, but still there. It probably shows through my blogs, but I can’t remember enough to compare.

So I continue, with the hope the universe will provide some change, or interest today, or tomorrow or perhaps even allow me to force a change after more days of 5am reflection  I remember my income has dropped again and prices are noticeably higher  even a well oiled machine can’t expect to coast forever.

Life is friction. We are not perpetual.