I had a blast
I got a lot done and I think it’s all just above satisfied level of quality. I just did stuff. Start to finish. No cats allowed. The guilt and fear of the eventual future date they confront me is something I try to ignore. The lecture is painful because I understand the reasons to not… Read More »

I had a blast

I got a lot done and I think it’s all just above satisfied level of quality.

I just did stuff. Start to finish. No cats allowed.

The guilt and fear of the eventual future date they confront me is something I try to ignore. The lecture is painful because I understand the reasons to not be a drug addict but I cherish adding new things to my knowledge banks

The joy of my thoughts is a high that is more fun shared and discussed. Essentially I am trying to not show how much stress comes from not caring.

I never didn’t do something that didn’t get done by somebody else better. Ok… I probably did. I didn’t do a shitload of things you probably did and the real problem is the emotions are part of your recall. Without emotional attachment to doing a thing, it is stored with no recall references. It happened but I won’t know when or any details.

I literally have no memories of childhood including holidays. I remember non emotional things like floor plans and every car we owned. I remember all happy memories were never turned into stories to be filed with stories to trigger memories. In my head, I remember a lot ended with loud anger, frustration which I was smart enough to understand things.

I can remember stories if you ask, or I see a visual cue or random thought right in the vastness of time between your words.

Things changed for me at 50. Alone for the first time without life skills and experiences mainly because I didn’t date or flirt or … Anything.

End of part 1.pi

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