I know drugs are not recommended for everyone but you don’t know how you’ll react. Thinking differently for a few hours is essential to my long term sanity. A loop of ideas rapid fire. Write down the ones you love and we’ll humiliate you.
I grew up alone, among friends and family. I didn’t process the world through the same filters.
I’m still afraid to say it here, but I like to understand our universe on a different more personal level. I learned to mask it more once I started noticing how many people out there are not me.
I believe my IQ scores high on things I can understand. Don’t confuse high IQ with knowing things. I understand my version of science and tech.
That’s a momentary blast of 10 to 50 mental thoughts from my immediate future or the past weeks interactions with humans.
I am never happier than when I am interacting with anyone for any reason. However my past is mostly my own thoughts on my head.
They are all correct and perfect in my head because I lost all my previous vent and lunch share friends all fade away.
At this stage of my life, I have noticed I may actually not have emotions the way you might. I have no passion. I don’t get horny and have no sexual desire.
I made a lot of friends in forced interaction at school and job but never followed up with friendship circles because everything I do for a smile is genuine, but without practice with emotions, I used logic to make every decision, but logic was not as reliable as emotion based decisions.
I feel no emotion when I lose a friend or hear of a celebrity death. I don’t grieve for the past.npt even pets.
My thoughts are 100% about the massive 9nconveniet change 8n my life. For most, I look forward every day to the hope for good stories.
I am not good at turning my life into good stories without a partner. I blame being alone instead of myself.
Without emotion, decisions are all high stress nightmares. I don’t think the same way so I never liked buying gifts and exchanging them at Christmas and birthdays. You won’t like what I got you and I won’t like what you gave me simply because it won’t be what I hoped for and can really use.
As it turns out I get over it quickly when gifts are exactly what I needed.
And mine back were hit and miss because a lot of my genius is lost before I could write it down. Often great excitement is postponed to a later time when I remember.
And that’s why old people are often seen or heard shouting out non sequined words or ideas. Some of my best ideas were lost because I heard some ody hiccup and I kind of want to tell him about my world famous hiccup cute which was #1 in a search for hiccup cures back in the early days when you didn’t need to hire people to boost your product before the page by a guy.
So like most things in life, I fully understand why society moved in constant change just so we’re not just drones.
… Pause at 315am. I don’t know what I was writing about but it all seemed like the right choice at the time in a panic.
As it turns out there are a lot of things that bring change right to me when I ignore making decisions. There are a lot that just stayed away.
I always say, if doing the thing is going to be unpleasant, it can be unpleasant some time in the future when I am forced to be accountable and do the thing anyway. Not Now
Oh shit. I hope new year’s at the farm isn’t an intervention. It’s a standard guilt fear. My drug use is in my mind, close to a workable level but I will not give up my chance to think with different perspectives.
Not often, but I could make it about the drug use.
Nap time. Now that I’m thinking about going to sleep all I can do is think about all of the things I already thought about again.