Mental addiction

Drug Posts

Some drugs are physically addictive and quitting needs a process. Your body learns to function with the drug and needs time to wean off it properly. A lot of mental prescription drugs are this way, but they don’t use the…

Mental addiction

Some drugs are physically addictive and quitting needs a process. Your body learns to function with the drug and needs time to wean off it properly. A lot of mental prescription drugs are this way, but they don’t use the word addictive. My Paxil can make me seriously ill to the point of death if I quit it cold turkey. If I go more than 3 days without, I suffer some wild side effects that are not pleasant.

On the other hand, some drugs people call addictive are only mentally habit forming. If you quit, your body adjusts but your brain misses the feeling and routine. I like the feeling of the effects of meth, and given the choice, I would much prefer to use it rather than quitting… But when I do quit, or am forced into a dry spell because of contacts or money or whatever, I accept and adapt.

I may show side effects like sleeping all day and mood swings and personality changes but I won’t die.

My brain knows I’m running out. Based on today’s usage, which was above average, I will barely make it through this weekend. I’ve never had this consistent everyday above average usage for this long before.

I smoked all through today up to about 5pm. I also had more per pipe load because the shards are gone and I have powder left.

It’s 930pm now and as I lay silent on my bed, my brain craves another hit in a feeling that is new to me. I want. There is no voice trying to convince me I should or shouldn’t. I just want, and know I will satisfy the cravings soon.

Now in fact.


Aaaaand I’m back after a before bed bump. I took a snapchat video of it but accidentally erased it before saving. Snapchat has some really irritating flaws sometimes – at least on my phone. Plus I just bumped the last of my whole week’s rations so some mistakes are understandable.

It helped – or at least I choose to believe it did. My mood drifted from the obsessions I had to a whole new series, like changing from YouTube to Netflix. (I was going to say changing channels but some people may no longer understand that reference).


So now I have some renewed energy and no plans on how I’ll use it. After 9 is quiet time in this household although my limits are mostly self-imposed rules in my head. I’d rather play it safe and not play the TV or tunes. Part of my crazy need to not be confrontational with the guy asleep across the hall.

I have noticed the act of being intentionally quiet can often be accidentally loud. This is doubly true when you’re as clumsy as I am.

First up on the agenda; headphones, my tablet and porn.

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.