So I’m sitting here in my bed and it is 8:00 a.m. on a Wednesday the dogs just woke up and are barking. I finished my morning scan of the social medias and was pleasant and found many things to make me smile and click that like button or the heart button. It seems when I’m in a good mood I see more good things and appreciate my happiness. I’ve been in a pretty good mood lately.
There’s still a lot of sad and frustrated and depressed people on social media sharing their lives but for the most part they share it in a humorous way which is helpful instead of depressing. Of course some of this mood comes from the fact that instead of taking my usual pick me up in the morning, I tried something a little different. Moon Rock Molly. It has an almost undetectable change in my mood. In fact it may be completely unaffecting but I’m just you know in a good mood.
Now since it’s 8:00 a.m. and I don’t usually leave the house to feed the animals till about 8:30 I find myself with a bit of spare time. I started writing this blog but true decision is nagging at me in the back of my head. Do I do the morning feed without being spun. for those that don’t know, that’s the slang for being stoned but with crystal meth instead of weed. It’s not quite the same Stone. For me it’s not even really about the high although sometimes I do take more in the morning just to get a little buns on it’s more about the focusing confidence that comes with it for me.
I certainly don’t feel like I need it this morning but it is the energy that I expect from it gets me through that morning chore without it feeling so much like a morning chore.
It’s definitely as much a mental thing as it is a physical thing. I don’t feel great at the end of the chore on that long walk back up the hill to the house. I’m windy and tired at that point and I have done it so few times without the meth boost, that I don’t really know whether it would be better or worse but my brain always likes to avoid situations where the worst is possible.
I don’t really like the phrasing in that paragraph but the point is my brain wants me to play it safe which in this case would be smoking meth before I go outside. I can’t determine whether my brain is just saying we need meth. I don’t usually think of myself as addicted but there is no denying that it is helpful in maintaining my focus and productivity throughout the day so I get this feeling that I’m going to do it eventually. Probably as soon as I get back inside, so why wouldn’t I do it before I leave like I do every other morning.
I’m pretty sure in my head that I have decided in advance that I would smoke some before I leave and that this entire block is just me venting my justification. But does it really matter?
I never deny the fact that I smoke meth everyday and that some may consider me to be an addict although I go months without with no real side effects other than a day of sleep extra. So that’s it then. It’s decided. My mental justification is final. Let’s go smoke some meth.
I have to be careful cuz I’m a little extra dehydrated from the Ecstasy.
(Smoked)
I don’t really want to say that hits the spot or show much change in my mood and attitude after having blown a few clouds but I do feel more prepared for my day and I think I would have regretted not doing it halfway down the hill or definitely at some point.
If nothing else, it makes me feel more creative when I’m making my morning animal feeding videos for YouTube. I wonder if people would think differently of them if they knew that they were inspired by chemical assistance but to me, it’s not really any different than an Adderall prescription.
Natural prescription is very difficult to get in Canada and it comes in extended release formula which is a weird roller coaster of ups and downs throughout the day. Hitting my water bong in the morning it’s actually quite easy to control the dosage and my focus and concentration doesn’t Spike up and down. It starts strong and stay strong for quite some time and then fades away and I decide whether or not to do another hit in the afternoon, which of course I almost always do.
So now it’s 8:15 and I feel much more ready to go feed the animals, be charming on video, and start my day.