I have work to do. I smoked a bit of meth. I did my work. That’s the story. I have enough pipe residue to repeat this a few more days as needed. I have no idea whether pipe white is as strong as a shard, but today it has been enough to get me up and working.
I should have done it yesterday to keep the client happier, but my brain secretly tries to sabotage good relationships these days. I don’t quite understand why I can’t appear to be a fast and efficient worker. I could easily have completed this WordPress task yesterday as promised, especially given they offered me more work. Subconsciously I seem to want to retain my “mostly reliable” reputation, rather than a great one.
For no reason I can think of, I declined a really easy web redesign job. I’m still not in the right headspace for a new project despite the need for money. Saying no came too easy. The job would have required interaction and decision making and stress. Too much for me to handle in the middle of an addiction issue.
I can’t predict where my brain will take me over the next month. I haven’t been without a little drug for even one day yet.
It might have inspired me to make that phone call seeking help … But probably not.