Technically of course I can say it’s not my fault but that wouldn’t be true. It’s 3:30 in the morning on Wednesday and I made the conscious decision to get high again.
Reason I was teasing that it’s not my fault is that I was going to be up anyway and it was driving me crazy. I hate insomnia. This current couple of weeks my constipation and dehydration have been taking a lot of my focus including keeping me up to pee and drink and pee and drink repeat.
So when every half hour you’re looking at the clock and only 20 minutes of past and you’ve got to pee and drink again I figured why not do some writing instead. I wish I wasn’t out of chocolate though. I contemplated walking to the 24-hour corner store but with my luck, the homeowner would hear it and lock me out. It’s happened before
I didn’t even get any of the cool dreams this time although I did some reimagining of the latest season of the umbrella academy since that’s the last thing I watched.
So I guess it’s pretty much pointless to say I have been under control. And the first thing you think of when you wake up or in my case don’t fall asleep, is to get high and right and out anyway, everyday. Even the days you swore you wouldn’t.
I’m not sure how much I slept yesterday I know I didn’t sleep any the day before so it really should be asleep day but who knows we’ll see.
I thought about my impact on the community and I understand that people react differently and me having fun without consequence online and in videos probably a responsible. Some people will try this drug and it will ruin their lives. Some people would say it already has in my case.
I’m not sure how I feel labour that. I haven’t really detected any… That’s not true obviously I’ve detected side effects at this point. Dehydration and 3-week constipation have been a problem and I continued to take the drug rather than try to solve the problem.
I’m not certain that I would say it this point 3:38 in the morning, I probably won’t get to the plans I had in my head for today. That’s not to say I would have anyway since they’re the same plans I’ve had for the last 2 years, but I have been surprisingly productive this week. Since mornings are my best time, not going asleep extends my morning.
Look at me. Making excuses. Justifying.
There are a lot of things I do in life that I react differently than what I call the average person. The way I think gives me a unique opportunity to see different perspectives and I’ve been negligent and not addressing the fact that some people try this drug and that’s it. They’re done. Some people try this drug and they’ll never be done again.
Don’t blame me.
To be fair I’m not sure whether you should blame me. My internet presence is still with this happy persona of a cloud blowing 58-year-old jolly orange man. It’s not typical.
It’s not even typical for me.
Sadly it has become more typical for a Wednesday. Happy Hippy Wednesday.