It should be a No-Brainer

I am sitting outside in Ontario Spring, listening to horny birds chirping like kids on the first day of school. Each catching up with friends about how they spent their winter down south. I’m waiting on my rideshare to Toronto.…

I am sitting outside in Ontario Spring, listening to horny birds chirping like kids on the first day of school. Each catching up with friends about how they spent their winter down south.

I’m waiting on my rideshare to Toronto. A $155 fair with a new untested local company trying to complete with Uber, who wanted $250 for the same ride. Both are ruining my budget this month. I’ll take a bus back.

I’m mentally in a mess again. I didn’t sleep very well last night although I do recall a cool dream where I met two friends at the hotel I visit in my dreams. A good dream rather than a frustration dream.

The purpose of today’s outing is to meet with a potential life change. A new well paying stable job. A 10-5 gig in North Mississauga.

I still have no car and no place to live, and I’m anxious as ever, but it is a big deal if I can pull it off. It’ll set me back on a path more to my liking.

In my head, I’m already dreaming of returning to lunches and dinners with friends. Conversations and interaction with people. A life Way from barking dogs and constant angry outbursts from the man on the other side of my door.

I finally introduced the idea of me leaving to him, casually while saying I would be away this weekend. It gives him time to think about how his life will change too, without me being there.

We’ve lived in the same house for almost two years and the last year, neither of us left that house for more than an hour, so he hasn’t really been alone in a year. Neither have I.

It’s been a tough year for him. He’s lost touch with reality a bit and I’m not looking forward to being his caretaker. It’s a scary thought. Scarier than being alone for me. It’s already been a struggle to hold a conversation with him that doesn’t spiral into a COVID conspiracy.

Still, the future I’m considering is stressful too. It is unknown, and will face challenges, whereas my current life is not good, but it’s known. I fall victim to myself, and my unwillingness to try change over contentment.

My ride is arriving. I realize my breath is horrid because I have not eaten anything since noon yesterday. I should have had a donut or something, not only for the breath, bit also because I have not eaten anything since noon yesterday.

Taxis you can get to stop at a drive-thru fairly easily but ride shares pre-calculate and charge the price not sure how they’ll react to that

I have an unusual anxiety about things I shouldn’t have an anxiety about. Like the conversation for the next 2 hours. I’m prethinking it and that’s just silly because it won’t go the direction I imagine. Never does. It’s not the sort of thing anyone needs to worry about. But I’m me and that’s not going to change anytime soon. They say admitting it is half the problem but it’s not really.

This driver has some unusual quirks I’m noticing. He doesn’t signal local street lane changes although he does once we get on the highway. He seems to be a bit active with his steering wheel. Not quite as sporadic and a Hollywood actor driving a fake car, but more like a teenager trying to avoid any cracks in the road on order to save his mother’s back.

It’s disturbing. I am jossled side to side like a wooden roller coaster. I see no cracks on the highway. Perhaps he has a shaky arm medical condition.

The car is awesome. I would say it’s the nicest rideshare car I’ve been in. It looks like he bought it this morning. I’m surprised the dealer mud paper rigs are not still on place.

I almost want this car, even if it is a Hyundai, it’s the sporty cool Hyundai. Nobody is thinking about their jumble Pony beginnings when they see this. They’re probably thinking the driver has Parkinson’s.

It could actually just be the way the suspension is tuned. It is the sports model.