A literal quarrel in my head.
I had a nice relaxing orgasm around 8pm and figured I could probably fall asleep tonight. Today was a pretty good day. I accomplished enough of my tasks to be noticable, and feel optimistic about the last half. It’s clear the imaginary life I predicted for being a functional addict were exaggerated. I’m not even… Read More »

A literal quarrel in my head.

I had a nice relaxing orgasm around 8pm and figured I could probably fall asleep tonight. Today was a pretty good day. I accomplished enough of my tasks to be noticable, and feel optimistic about the last half.

It’s clear the imaginary life I predicted for being a functional addict were exaggerated. I’m not even functional on a good week.

The end goals still have an almost infinite number of steps between today and completion, but the side quests I discover along the way are beneficial and hopefully keep me interested enough to get more done tomorrow.

So at 10pm, I’m not asleep yet and I get that very typical thought entering my head. If I can’t fall asleep tonight, I should not waste the time laying in bed pretending it will happen any minute.

So I think I will. I do t really want to. I’d really rather sleep tonight because my old body really complained today about the lack of hydration and staying in bed all day.


(Pause) At this point, I convince myself to get high to finish blogging this post. I still believe I will.


So are so many directions to take this post now that my mind reset. I really like this batch.

I am temporarily “SPUN” as they say. A feeling of a better normal but with a brain that is enjoying the moment without having to make any decisions yet, except the obvious decision to do more.


I had to tell somebody my age for the first time since it changed. It was a significant feeling. I’m almost 60, but living with the mind of an excited 27 year old

Over the years, as society evolved in ways nobody predicted, I have given up on some of my dreams. The statement “there’s always time doesn’t work as well to comfort me. I’ve always been one to do the work the night before it’s due, but life isn’t like an exam.

For the same of honestly, I have never crammed before a school deadline. I ignored them and they went away.

I watched the world change and suddenly (over 30 years), BAM. Everywhere I look, people are doing things way better than I could have. Everyone has a TV channel and a magazine and a store. Pretty people have made so much money following some version of my dream.

It’s hard work. I wouldn’t have liked it.

I do want to evolve personally again this year. My current status and acceptance of my life has surprised even me.

I embrace my now… Instead of putti g first the simplest effort to be better. I very well may fail and start over again soon.

That’s kind of my patte

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