It never ceases to amaze me how many hits are possible days after I have declared I’m out. Little brown spots on the sides of the glass pipes melt into a vapour that exhales in a satisfying cloud.
I never expect to be as much as I do days, and sometimes weeks after what I expected was the end. It’s Sunday and I just got four big cloud hits from a previously exhausted pipe.
I still have web design tasks to accomplish that have been keeping my mood down. They’re harder than I like and so I’ve caught myself in the loop of delaying and getting down about delaying and not being productive because I’m down, and the tasks really are hard.
I’m not being rewarded or praised as I like, which should never justify the poor service. I spiral because I’m not sure what to do. A small crowd has seen me do wonderful things in phase one but phase two is a challenge and not the good kind.
Perhaps today’s boost will be enough but these are not full energy and focus hits. They put on a good exhale show but the real brain work is still up to me, and it involves learning. I enjoy a good mental challenge in web design when it’s something I already understand. Learning is my weakest skill.
This project is essentially writing an entire website using the WordPress old core technology rather than my usual. I can’t rely on the modules and plugins I’ve mastered.
Doing it old school is hard, which is precisely the reason I use different tools on every other project. The people standing by waiting for me to complete their dream don’t understand, and will not compensate me nearly enough for this mental struggle.
I can only hope I’ll feel good when I advance a step or two. I know it’s possible. It’s just an overwhelming number of steps in front of me, and reading the manual is the initial torture that seems the most difficult. I’m trying to get it to do something it doesn’t want to do.
Oh well. Time to get out of bed and try. I wonder if I can squeeze one more hit off that pipe.
— I didn’t.
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