It’s been several years since I’ve smoked a 3am bong hit between naps. I made memes of a few, which is why I remember them. I remember that point in the night when you have done it, even before any mental debate. There is never a question of not smoking more.
Any time spent pondering whether I will or not is just delaying, so I’ve pretty much gotten over any thoughts of not smoking till it’s gone.
Either the house knows already, and some form of discussion is forthcoming, or they don’t know what that smell is, and are oblivious to my mood swings or emotions.
That would mean I got away with it, which green lights taking the risk again and perhaps even with bolder risks. A smart choice would be to evaluate the anxiety and potential for really bad consequences, but the drug user mins let’s on ride, and order more right away dismissing last night’s thoughts of a break.
People will be able to justify almost anything if the pleasure reward is even marginally enjoyable. If I was willing to risk this life for drugs, and didn’t get caught, the the risk is the same. Do it till you can’t.
I’m not certain I’ll vfeel the same way when I come down later, but one of the joys and problems with meth is that is quite easy to stay in the cloud for weeks or months at a time. I came out of the cloud Friday night to sleep and it was a noticeable jar returning to reality.
A week had passed where everything seemed to be good. All decisions were the right ones, including the decision to smoke another shard 20 minutes ago and a second one as I finish these paragraphs.
In my last home I was always worried I was loud enough to be heard but it’s less worrisome here.
I don’t know it will be my attitude, the fact that I stayed in my room all Saturday, or the stench of sweaty clothes, hair and beddings that will be what gives my secret away… but till then, another round please barkeep.
²ss22
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