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Another Thursday. Already?

Some weeks surprise me. It’s already a Thursday? I remember the weekend just happened. A side effect of using meth to speed past the days I suppose.

I started the minute I woke up with two blogs from my newest bong water mixed with the powder left from zip #2 of 3. It clearly wasn’t as strong as I expected or my tolerance to that is high as well. It’s too bad because I could usually count on a bit of a boof boost. No worries. I finished off with more than enough smoke to get me up and out despite only 3 hours sleep.

I’ll do better. Eventually.

7:39sm

 

Trying to quite one addiction cold turkey

If I’m not going to give up drugs today, I’ve decided to cold turkey my obsessive need to record all my bong hits and pipe clouds and then spend the day making cool compilation videos or music videos. I’m going to attempt to create videos without drug content so that they may be shared more openly online. I have a lot of tech video ideas and my unique style of non-preparation may sink or sail, but I am motivated to try.

At least until tomorrow. My biggest problem is postponing tomorrow on any project because the next day is never as exciting and interesting as the day you come up with the new thoughts. Executing thoughts is a task. The fun is in thinking it up. It’s always a perfect idea until you have to do the work and then it’s at risk. I don’t like learning my perfect idea is only perfect in theory.

Ahhh.. chocolate returns to start the day.

I don’t remember falling asleep last night but it must haven been reasonably quickly. I opened my eyes 10 minutes ago and rolled over to see my orange clock. It wà 5:45am. A bit earlier than I prefer but I’ve learned not to risk going back for the second sleep at this point.it caused weird dreams and a very groggy morning. Still, I did close my eyes and lay motionless for a while recapping the two angry angry dreams I had during the night.

Angry dreams are rare for me. I’m glad to have them in my dreams instead of my day life.they are easier to dismiss without spoiling my mood for hours, or the whole day. I suppress my anger in real life. I’ve gotten good enough to boast; I don’t get angry  I understand it. The most I will admit to is frustration. When the universe or the creatures within it are not responding to what I consider logical,, or when things are not going as planned in my head, I get frustrated with myself or the situation and that can lead towards anger before I realize it. I can almost always calm myself down before losing it.

I count two times in my life I lost control and freaked out  so much so that those stories are what remind me I don’t want to do that again. Anger is an ugly scary monster within us and that loss of control is so terrifying I learned it is just easier to shut it down by understanding it 

I have almost forgotten the dreams. Back to back with an evaluating pee break in between.i am pleased to wake myself up with a chocolate bar today. It was lacking yesterday and it was on my mind throughout the day in a strange way. As I became aware of it at random points in a conversation or just a moment of inner though I felt different in an unexplainable way. I suppose it was similar to what you might describe as a craving, but I knew I was shopping and would have it soon so it wasn’t so much a craving desire as an overall lacking feeling.

In any case, it’s now 6:15 am and I have consumed more than half of it while typing this and not officially started my other morning regulars. Time for water, my pill and the decision making about smoking. I feel awake so I could try to do without 

Pause.

I have configured the morning portion of my life around my bed. I don’t need to get out of it until I’m ready to start my chores. I have fresh bottled water and my snacks and bong all within reach. Because my teeth sit overnight in a bedside cup, the morning rinse gets rid of the entire morning bathroom regimen everyone else endures. I stay in bed till the last minute contemplating my drug use each morning.

Each morning I make the choice to blow those clouds again. My daily use is not officially part of the routine I think to myself. I choose it over and over because I enjoy its effect and benefit from the clarity, focus and productivity that it allows. I choose not to stress over what it may or may not be doing to me, with the same instant gratification justification that all addicts cling to. The benefits are NOW and the downside is thrown into the worry like of tomorrow Jeff’s problem. 

Tomorrow I repeat this internal mantra and each day I put off the bad thoughts to tomorrow is a win for today. I say I’m not addicted if I choose to do the thing. I convinced myself an addict has no choice. I have proven I can do without. I just like myself, and my life much more if I don’t. This fits in with my personal logic well enough for today. I’ll think about it again tomorrow before the first hit.

Then not again for approximately 24 hours.

Nuff said. I reach for the bong feeling no regrets today. I’m awake and have a bar of chocolate in me, but I can anticipate my feelings getting just a nice pleasant upgrade in a few minutes.

Pause 

6:31am

I inhale and exhale 6 times without much time in between. The first shard melts and creates a nice set of clouds that hardly linger. I take a brief break to type this and reload the second of three break off bits into the bong ready for set number two but first I reload my preferred orange lighter. It drains button quickly but I prefer it’s flame over my backup orange $5.00 torch. I briefly rememis over my old favourite pipe, left behind in Niagara with all my wildly possessions when I ran away from home last year. 

I sip from my water bottle and start inhaling deep breaths again.

As I exhale slowly, creating a series of smoky o-rings, it hits. Like a bell dinging. I have passed the point and I feel it.

I remember again, as if for the first time, slower is better. I instantly do four more slower hits chasing that brief transition from normal me to the version we users refer to as Spun. A state of mind which is almost identical to how I felt a few moments ago, but without caring so much about the things I’ve already forgotten to care about. For better and worse, decisions seem to be right once I’ve passed through the clouds to this version of me 

Confident I’m not high. I’m just a better me.

Even as I typed that, I see how it might be seen as a pile of shit spoken by a druggie justifying his habit but I don’t care now. It works for me this morning. I get why this drug is popular and feared and why it is used on secrecy. All drugs have a unique “you can’t know if you have not experienced it* kind of feeling but meth still has the all powerful propaganda campaign so it is a line most people would not cross, and then if they ever do try it, it must remain an absolute secret so they are not lumped in with the stereotype image of a meth addict everyone they know has of us. I’ve been there. I’ve lost friends.

I’ve made new friends thanks to the community itself which is bonded by this secrecy and image. If we try to explain it’s not as evil as you think, we are dismissed as high and addicted.

I get it… But the life change has had a net positive for me. I’m fat less unhappy and all my friends with mental struggles are still struggling, trying different prescriptions every few months equally chasing the perfect one. Many of those pills have considerable side effects to including suicidal thoughts and a worsening depression.

Meanwhile I live alone in my head and am more social online than I have ever been. I have adapted. I wake up to a life of purpose and share it online here.

I can’t see it personally without a re-read but I suspect the change in mold can be seen on my writing which followed along in real time as I consumed. A change I’m less aware of than a reader .right be.

Time for some more snacks, phase three of the rationed shard and my social media scan of the day. 

 

 

Talking to myself Tuesday

Tuesday. Uh the last one in April, whatever. This with the 30th And I changed my morning routine bit because the cows have no hay and they’re hungry and a little angry.  When I go down there, I check on the chickens. Yesterday, the cows all surrounded me, and almost locked me in the barn. they’re not dangerous, they’re not gonna rush me, but they are clearly angry and Emotional. I don’t want to upset them. I don’t want to have to appear and not give them hay.

So we’re getting some free hay this morning so i figured I won’t go check on the chickens until 10 A.M. They don’t care. They’ve always got enough food and water. Usually, I’m just checking on them. Checking the chickens out.

So I woke up at 6. 30 A deep sleep from about 9 pm.  I needed it. I need more. I woke up very tired And thinking; Today is not the day to test “not doing any”

Almost immediately I grabbed the bong from under my bed and it I did only a small amount. Then started surfing Facebook and the the soviao, and got trapped watching the videos as usual, Time passes and then I did a bunch more. Quite a bit more. Somewhere around The seventh or 8th cloud, I feel a tiny bit of a difference. And then I smoke some more but I don’t feel any different at that point no matter how much I consume. So there’s one point in there that it seems Activate for me. That should where I stop, but I do more anyway.

With the extra time I realize how much I miss morning chocolate. As much or more than I miss morning meth. I ate the last two cookies. Had some potato chips, but I can feel the need for chocolate. It also cleanses the meth taste better than these replacements.

I let the dogs out and got a lemon square from the back fridge. It’s a sharp taste, but I still have meth mouth. It’s still not chocolate. 

I came in and in my idle time, I leaned over the side of the bed and thought; Oh yeah. That time I dropped my whole bedside stash box on the floor. I didn’t really clean it up. So I looked around and I saw A decent amount of floor shards as I call them. I picked up enough to crush and make a nice line to snort.

Still feel no different but I’ve stopped denying that there is a difference between regular Jeff and this version. I  don’t do that anymore. There’ is definitely a difference. I work a lot and enjoy things again.

Lately, I’ve been able to make it through the whole day on just the morning but usually around 3:30, I redo. And then have a terrible getting to sleep. Last night. I went to sleep at 7. 30. I actually fell asleep around 9:30 Woke up to pee once. A good rest.

I don’t know where I was going with that but anyway, this is the Daily Vlog. So, I don’t know if I was, If I kept it up the last few days, I’ve noticed that some of my things slacking a bit, including my video posts for the farm feed Feed. 

A fair amount of changes to my website as I slowly decide to have just one blog instead of three websites. People Don’t want to see the drug content, they can opt-out, which most people probably wouldn’t. I’ve decided; do I really care? I don’t live in Toronto anymore. Everyone I know is in Toronto, except for my sister and your husband. So do I really have to hide a major part of me? It’s going to take some time and I’m still going to keep it separate on the blog as much as I can. But I really want to share more with the world and that’s a good portion of my life, and my content these days. 

I’ll keep deciding.  I’m not confirming that decision yet. That isn’t the same as deciding. I don’t have to make that choice today. I can think about making that choice. I think about that quite a bit.

I think about choices in general decisions As an adult. I’ve realized I really don’t make many decisions that aren’t essential. Obviously, I decide to eat, although not all the time. That’s not really a good example.  Most decisions I let the universe provide and then I adapt. 

Could my life really be that simple. Is it?

I’ll decide on that another time.

Edit: still wide awake at 110m from just my morning hits and the line of found floor shards at 8:48am. I could work for several more hours but I’ll try the pretending and see if I can fall asleep before 2am.

Do I owe Brittany money?

It seems like a lot of posts start off with; OOPS, I did it again. I think I’m allowed to use that line over and over without paying royalties. Otherwise I’d file it under ADHD expenses. 

It’s 5am. I think I did sleep Friday night but I’m not sure and I know not since then for sure. It’s Monday morning and I’m out of bananas and chocolate but I do have some cookies, orange crush and meth and just about $100 to spend.

If I bought more chocolate I’m sure I’d still run out before getting another week’s supply, but they were out of stock again at Walmart so I rationed 4 bars as long as I could. Chocolate goes well with meth between hits to help keep my mouth less methy. 

I didn’t want to stay awake tonight. I lay motionless pretending for hours but it just wasn’t happening. I can’t remember when I last bonged. Probably around 6pm when I started working on my second major video for a Sunday.

I think it’s one of, if not the best. I cross posted it with pride but only one person commented and with a laugh emoji rather than a real compliment. I can keep repeating I do it all because I love it and I believe that 100% but I also love and crave praise and silent responses get me a bit bummed.

Without reactions, I can’t help going down the mental sinkhole thinking they might actually suck and bother everyone too polite to tell me. I could be breaking my prime directive by annoying daily with my continued begging for attention. I try not to think that way. At least nobody has yelled at me.

I so wish I could make these kinds of videos without the drug content and share them everywhere but then they’d just be my face and I’d look like a super egotist. That’s my second highest fear.

No. I will not cave to my imaginary projecting. I like making them and some people enjoy them silently. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. 

#prideworthy

Anyway, I couldn’t stop if I tried.

My Mini Meth Music Movie Matinee

On Sundays, I put a little extra effort into my mini-movies. This is a compilation of cloud-blowing from the week accompanied by an original composition with music and lyrics to my specifications created by AI. 

It’s a personal piece because it talks about making videos I can’t share and that no one seems to appreciate but me. Which is fine I tell myself.

March April Musical Videos

3:39am Shard Boofin’ Time

It’s been a while since I made the choice e to stay up all night, even without any plans for things to do. Tonight was the night it seems. It wasn’t so much a conscious decision from the start, but I kept hitting the various pipes and bongs on video, and then some porn, some hypnosis and ASMR roleplay audios and here I am at 3:40.

The actual meth smoking has reached such a tolerance level that I could have fallen asleep after some restful effort within about 2 hours of the last cloud, but then I’d do another round.

This time I figured I was up for the rest of the night and into Saturday. Weekends have little distinction on the farm, but Friday still feels an appropriate party night. I hope I didn’t forget some family event scheduled for tomorrow but if I did, it certainly won’t be the first two-day marathon of awake. Even three is good. On four and five I’ll sleep well. I’m not 50 anymore and although this stuff seemed better at the start of the zip, it’s lost its stay-awake kick by now 

I was considering trying a period of abstinence for a break but that is often harder than I think, especially when I’m not really out. Long days and short nights cat he’s up and I feel like the morning blast really helps me be up and out the door to do my morning shift feeding the animals.

I do t want to break that routine.

I boofed at the start of this blog and it’s hitting me now. Not strong, but more noticeable than a bong hit or 5 would have been. Sadly I feel the need to shit now and that means it will partially go to waste. I boofed a sizeable shard straight o stead of shooting the water-diluted method from a syringe up my ass.

Boofing: a method of investing drugs directly to your re time. Fast acting and strong. Side effects include (in the case of meth) extra dehydration, skin irritation and a spun buzz wave of pleasure.

And then you have to go shit. Sometimes it feels great coming out too but that is mostly with the meth dusol Ed on water method.

4am. Off to plop it out. I held off as long as I could.

I dance a little as I walk down the hallway. My cat Chloe joins me as always. She and I have a bathroom ritual. Even at 4am. Shell expect to be let into the bedroom now and jump on me. I’ll let her. It’s not like I am trying to fall back asleep.

As I sit on the toilet, I get a little rush by tending and relaxing my ass. I know I shot out at least some of the undissolved shards but I’m content with the boost I achieved anyway. I feel re-energized to do some work beyond this blog. Maybe some real work instead of making another meth video. I did several today already.

Boofing videos are less satisfying to make it watch.

Although showing my naked ass would appeal to a good portion of the meth demographic audience. Nothing to see here. The no-nudity rule is still in effect.

End of part 1. 4.00am

 

Todays Saves

Today was a particularyactive day for playing around with videos. I woke up tired and amped up with over 20 hits before the animal chores at 8am. Several shared videos and a lot of un-used material. Nothing new was learned. Oh wait… I did discover CapCut is pretty decent at compiling many clips into a sequence with music but it currently only has two templates on  Android for that function. It does however, drop the images into the editor so I can customize everything. Using auto-beats it can also match the music, but I’ll still learning that. It doesn’t seem to be auto-beats as I would have expected it. I should watch a tutorial.

The video is of me playing with Snapchat filters while getting quite spun.

 

Welcome new followers

This is my welcome message on my Instagram account which is where I dump a lot of my final videos and promos and music videos. I suppose it applies here as well.

Thursday blues

Given the choice I obviously prefer to start my mornings happy. This morning there’s a bit of a cloud of doubt looming. Not the good kind of cloud but the kind of moody cloud that comes from receiving a warning from the owner of the home you live in, rent-free. We need to talk is never a good thing to hear I would much rather talk right now than be given time to worry about what that talk will entail. Luckily I have learned my sister is excellent at avoiding conflict, so ironically, the warning about a warning may have been all the warning I get… so far anyway.

 

 

Anticipation to Trouble

Nobody likes getting in trouble. At least I assume nobody does. I’ve spent my entire life trying my best to avoid it. I’ve modelled everything I am and do around the fear of being yelled at. It is my whole personality. I put all my energy into people pleasing, and yet the parts of me I have little control over are the parts that make me clumsy, specially unaware, forgetful and all the traits of someone who gets in trouble quite often. I make mistakes and upset the people I’m trying desperately to not upset all the time. It is the paradox of my existence.

I am pleased to understand that a portion of my error prone life is due to ADHD but it’s not always an acceptable response to use over and over when facing the blame of repeated issues that seem to others like I don’t care, or I’m not trying hard enough. The cursed words I’ve heard my whole life. Pay attention. Try harder. 

People need me to be held accountable for my errors and I understand it’s not practical to just give me a pass when the mistakes are important ones with consequences. There are some tasks I’m going to be good at and others I am going to get wrong occasionally. I thought this farmer lifestyle was a good fit 

Just about everything I do here is important. I’m caring for the life, safety and comfort of a number of animals. I take it very seriously and do my very best to be excellent at the task. I learn the routine and follow it daily. If I am doing something wrong, I am good at correcting the issue and adapting as soon as it’s brought to my attention. I am great at not needing to be told twice.

From their perspective, I may be evaluated differently however. There are occasions where I am missing a step that seems obvious even if may not have been part of the initial instructions. I may also develop shortcuts that my absent mind creates that leave important things out. I might change my routine and something gets missed.

I don’t always think the logic through on these changes and in my mind, I am still taking the task seriously and doing what I feel is my best. 

But something happens and it is brought to my attention. I did something wrong, usually without even noticing.

To them, it may be inexcusable. The reason for failure is not allowed to be ADHD. the blame is on me and I am asked to do better next time, one a good day. On a bad day, I may be fired. I can’t do better. I can adapt to this identified problem and include it into my routine but I can’t do better. I was doing my best under the assumption I was doing great already. Trying my absolute 100% best to not be yelled at 

I’m not lazy about assigned tasks. If asked, I perform and generally give it my all during the task, but my brain is also double thinking about so many other things and other ways to make the task simpler or quicker. I can’t make myself not forget something. My brain is clearly different in that aspect as well.

Today I experienced what might be the ultimate in job related news. I’ve disappointed my sister by not doing an important part of my job. One step missed in my daily routine that must appear to her as lazy. A simple part of the simple job got overlooked and her brain interprets the issue not as ADHD related but something else.

It has opened the door for a discussion about my drug use. Since I live in her basement for free in exchange for this simple task of tending to the farm animals, this failure must be because I’m not taking the job serious and I’m always high. I understand this jump to conclusions. 

The odd thing is, I didn’t quite get in trouble. I was told I will get in trouble at a time in the future of my choosing. Making the assumption I was still high now, she tells me we need to talk and I should plan out a good time to get in trouble.

An anticipation stress. Interesting punishment, although I suspect she isn’t aware how tochuring that mind fuck can be. I have to plan my own time to be lectures about not taking my job seriously at a time when I’m not high.

I’m almost never high. This isn’t a high drug.

I will plan. I am already overthinking all the ways this could go wrong for me. My whole life before me relies on me not getting yelled at. I need to not upset this family because I literally have nowhere else to go. This has to be my supportive home for now and the foreseeable future.

I can’t be defensive. It means I may have to mask and perform. To give the right answer to every point, as I have practiced countless times through my life.

Yes. I understand. I was wrong. I will do better. I understand how serious this is. I must blah blah blah.

What I really want to answer is; oh. Ok. That makes sense. I’ll add that to my routine and it probably won’t happen again but I appreciate you telling me. All my work requires occasional check ins like this because I can be oblivious to such issues. When informed, I adapt.

I can’t honestly say my opinion on the effects of my drug use are not a factor, but I can say I do not Believe they are the reason for such issues. I make these kind of mistakes as a part of my life and have done so as far back as I have memories. The drugs I take, both prescribed and other, help my mood be stable so that I can get up every day, leave my bed and be productive. I sincerely believe they help more than hinder and my performance doing these tasks benefits.

I probably won’t say any of that. This future meeting give me time to pre-think a thousand responses. I absolutely hate it 

Grrrr.

End of part 1. Not proofread 

One of the problems with overthinking a response to something is you usually end up being totally wrong and unprepared for what actually unfolds. Then you end up creating more and more negative possibilities to scenarios far worse than what presents itself.

There is no cure for this loop.

An excellent punishment for a brain like mine. Excellent indeed.

End of part 1.

Bing Bing Bing. Wake up.

I was disturbed from my sleep by the pinging of Facebook messenger, but not from som customer with needs. It was my friend. He seemed to be aware it was 6am here and yet proceeded to bong me 6 more times triggering an emergency response from me. I naturally assumed the worst, and that customer or customers were without their morning email check. It woke me. I saw that it wasn’t, and lay back down in a grumpy mood to start the day. 

Luckily, I have a solution for that. Today’s routine is eyes open, take my pill, hit the bong, what was I talking about?

Rare dream content

I woke up at 5am and went back to sleep. I had one of my less happy dreams before waking up again slowly at 6:38. When I say less happy, I don’t really mean a nightmare. It’s more of an anxiety stress dream. It hits my buttons.

I was late for my opening day as manager of the store and things kept adding to my lateness in an almost comical way. They would have been funny coincidences is a stage play, but far less enjoyable when happening to myself one after the other.

My mother and other sister where there making things worse at every stage. I wanted to leave the bedroom with compromises just to get to work. They wouldn’t let me wear that dirty shirt or a pair of my backup running shoes because they were disgustingly dirty or had holes.

My car was missing, which is a common theme. The elevators were giving me troubles. Every step of the task of getting to work had multiple obstacles but I powered through.

The rare addition to the dream universe was my stash of meth. I have included my usage on very few dreams and usually a week or two after I’ve run out. The scenario was typical. I had a stash of the drug and wanted it so badly to help power through all these annoying things in the way of me opening the store before noon.

Surprisingly, the dream supply was very similar to my real stash. I just could use it because of my sister and mother constantly interrupting and trying to help me in the most inconvenient and annoying ways possible.

Then I discovered the white box and the backup pill bottle were not even there. This added additional stress because I didn’t know whether that meant they knew which would lead to long lectures at any minute, or worse, they didn’t know and had thrown it all out.

Either version of the explanation was now added to my stress. In was late. Noon had passed and I was still an hours commute away. Having the only key, no cell phone numbers for my employee, I knew he’d be waiting outside in the rain. Making people wait for me is one of my top anxieties.

My brain was exploding.

So I woke up relieved but feeling somewhat exhausted. I sat in bed staring at the ceiling for a while. I have no chocolate. The dogs began their loud morning routine above me and I grabbed my phone to journalize this. I have not done anything else. My routine of cookies, morning pill with water, and smoking is all getting a late start, but at least nobody is waiting on me. Nobody is going to burst in my door and see me smoking my morning dose of white smoke.

I’ll make it to feed the cows in lots of time and the dream will fade away within the white clouds of relief.

Good morning Tuesday. Bring it on.

It’s a loop again

I do remember from years ago the temptation to blog 15 times a day. Okay five times a day maybe. To just want to talk to myself and tell myself what I’m doing at every moment when I’m smoking and when I’m sleeping and I know those blog entries are not interesting but no one’s reading my blog but me anyway and I’m not reading it so it really is just a therapeutic sounding board. Talking to myself lets me sort things out. It doesn’t matter that I’m not reflecting by rereading my posts. It helps so I’m doing it. I recommend it and I just have to get past the fact that it has no audience. That’s not the point. That was never the point. 

 

 

First thing on Monday posts

Now this is how I start everyday but it’s especially important on monday. Doesn’t matter if you wake up tired if you can have a little party before you start the day everything feels better.

Snapchat informed me it’s Earth Day

I don’t know whether it’s just me and the fact that I hardly watch any network television anymore or news that doesn’t have a punchline, but I’m always surprised when I find out today is Earth Day. You don’t hear as much about it as you used to. 

It was actually Snapchat filters that alerted me to the day. The trending filters included several that wished people happy birthday and I used them of course. I do love Snapchat filters. I confirmed with my digital assistant and that’s it. There’s nothing else I will do today that is related to Earth day that I don’t do every other day. 

So I wish a happy Monday and a happy Earth Day and neither has any significance other than to have a good day. 

Sunday starts with Aero

A four piece of chocolate. A pimple on my dehydrated tongue tries to spoil the enjoyment I feel from the chocolate as it melts on my mouth. It’s not my regular chocolate but it’s still a refreshing way to begin my day.

I made it till 6:15am this morning so I suppose I could say I got to sleep in a bit. Inside my head, I seemed eager to wake up. I even dreamed it was 6am once in the night. I opened my eyes and looked towards the orange digital clock on the wall at 3:20am. It’s the first site I see each day and it confirms me whether this wake up is the official one or a trial run.

Some nights my body tells me it’s time to pee when I wake up. This week, I’ve been able to skip that step and make it all the way till the sun peeks through my window, or the dogs wake up and rattle the whole house awake. Today the dogs won. Not that I’m keeping track.

There is nothing ahead that excites me about today. My Sundays are equal to my Thursdays or any other day. That square of milk chocolate and the last few girl guide cookies may very well be the highlight. I begin my routine with little expectations as try to make it as fun and interesting as I can. Learning to set the bar for a good day down from perfection to satisfactory was a big life change. Any day I wake up in the morning and fall asleep at night is a good day. The part in between is a bonus.

End of part 1.

Meth Talk

The uneventful return of my more serious chat series called Meth Talk. It’s not certain where this will appear other than this blog and perhaps the club frog star blog because there doesn’t really seem to be much of a need or a want for an old guy talking about his math usage and the meth World itself. I suppose I could try and create that audience but for now I’m content with posting slightly more in-depth content here.

Happy Palindrome Day /420

Today is 4:20 which isn’t super relevant to me since I haven’t smoked weed in close to a year and even the edibles which are not considered 420 are not in my regular routine anymore. I do recognize whoever that a good percentage of my friends are within that community. I have provided for them a little bit of alternative celebration in that today is also a palindrome day.

Pondering Life and Fridays

The concept of Friday has been bred into us over years as being the beginning of a weekend. The start of our combined relaxation and freedom. Of course when you don’t celebrate weekends and your days are all the same Friday’s seem less significant and yet in our minds there is still something about the day that indicates the end of the work week, even if your work days are identical. I have made it to friday. I have survived another week.

I woke up several times last night but didn’t leave the bedroom p until my final wake up just past 6:00 a.m. today’s break from the routine was to stay silent and thoughtful till 6:30. That’s what time it is now as I sit up, put my teeth in and talk this blog into my phone. I had good dreams and they took some pondering to find meaning. There were sad aspects and I found myself back at my rundown Keele apartment 4B in the bad part of town where my family were coming to visit.

Most of the interaction and memories were filled with shame and pride intermixed as different events unfolded. Even flying didn’t impress anyone. I didn’t get to have my delicious pizza and we didn’t celebrate the return of my sister with a party or dinner out as apparently was our family tradition in the dream universe. I was continuously disappointed and cried throughout the dream. Nothing was going the way I’d imagined our reunion would have gone.

Then I woke up and didn’t yet choose to get high. I found the dream interesting on multiple levels. It was I could actually figure out the understanding too to some extent. I was reflective.

But now as I continue to talk and my loose dentures jiggle around in my mouth I need to eat. I need to rinse this bad taste and bad smell out of my mouth and then continue the routine that causes the bad smell and the bad taste in my mouth by feeling my mouth and lungs with a disgusting White smoke that’s residue is no doubt making the smell worse. Today should be a shower day. Today will be a shower day. Today probably won’t be a shower day. Today should be a shower day.

6:45am, and I reach for the girl guide cookies and bong. I’ll probably video it too.

End of part 1.

Shardi Bardfast

I created a second Snapchat account for a user with a more meth related name. My plan was to allow myself to post some meth content more publically to find an audience that didn’t know about me. I was thinking I could post anything that used a Snapchat filter instead of my true face would be safe, but even though I chose an email address I knew none of my contacts would have, it still loaded my contacts in and alerted people. I think I may have clicked the wrong option when activating.

So I may not use ShardiBardfast as a user, but since I can’t use the same Snapchat account on two phones at the same time, this account is now the S9 Snapchat that resides as my bed camera and my usual snapchat OrtangeJeff is on the main S23.

I think of ideas or the ending to sentences but by the time I’m typing them I no longer have confidence so I either end abruptly, change the subject, or stop blogging mid sentence. 

Read more

Post farm feed post about posting

I was finishing up feeding the animals, filled with excitement to come back inside and start a new blog entry. The previous blog which I had written just before leaving to feed the animals was ironically about me feeling need to need to blog more often. Well fuck it. I’m going to blog more often anyway.

My initial plan was to start talking about the meth chat series that I created years ago and to rebuild it with shareable short clips about things that meth users experience.

On tiktok there’s a whole series of people saying things along the lines of; I have bipolar disease of course I’m going to do this;  I have ADHD so of course there are small piles of things at the top and bottom of my staircase… etc.

I did one myself called I’m a farmer of course. It didn’t it didn’t get circulated it didn’t become part of that chain because I don’t know how to do that really. It is very unlikely that I will ever post one of this chain; I’m a meth user of course I forgot what this video was supposed to be about.

However I can talk about it in a private forum and share it among the community that allows those certain things. So when I came in here I had two I had two great ideas to start my meth talk series and unfortunately I’m a meth user; of course I forget what the video is going to be about .

Since I have recently increased my usage and haven’t been sleeping as well, I am more dehydrated than usual and I’m usually quite dehydrated. I didn’t have enough water this week.

I’m noticing side effects of not taking care of myself. When I don’t drink enough water, my joints begin to ache a little bit more. My right ear stops listening. Today, the side effect of not having enough water and all the other things is giving  me jolt at random moments as a body spike of back pain hits.

My back kind of went out, right in the middle of recording my morning walk. It’s not a bad one and I can still do things, but certain things are going to hurt. I’m hoping it goes away because every time I get some new pain, I think to myself okay is this the one that stays with me for the rest of my life like other old people. And so far the answer has been no. I haven’t experienced that old person pain that you just accept and live with. I’ve been damn lucky, especially given my diet, my exercise, and my drug use.

Just like everything else in life I toss it over the imaginary wall of tomorrow. Not a worry for today. It’s a worry for the future Jeff.

I am definitely experiencing more mental mistakes in the last week. The was forgetting to put on socks until I was almost out the door this morning. Instead of going through the steps of returning to my bedroom, I just did without and slid my bare feet into my winter boots. I hate going back for things. I am reducing the steps involved in every task, especially when there are steps involved.

When the cows were fed, I returned to my bedroom to write this blog. Instead of going over to my computer and working as I had planned, I’m going to lay down and rest for a bit. I expect a full recovery in not far off. I drink more water. 

More blogging news as it occurs.

This Phase.


Just now I remembered something. I’ve been here before, and by here I mean this phase of being a daily user. I remember it’s happened similarly before. I’m not sure when, or how often I have repeated this part of the drug user loop.

I felt good and more confident and I started reflecting on that in my videos. I am talking to the camera more, blogging every day, multiple times, both in text and video. Sometimes both at once. Suddenly I realized; “wait a minute. I’m not that interesting”. Even if I believe in myself and I have higher than usual self-confidence, I’m not really the kind of person you want to watch all day. Nobody will be watching my streaming webcam feed. Nobody is craving every new post throughout the day because I just discovered or realized some new quirky part of my universe. In this mood, I’m going to post every little thing because they’re all exciting in that moment. That spun enhanced moment when a new idea enters my brain.

A huge portion of my personal life philosophy is that; “life is better shared“. If I’m excited about something, it me

ans so much more if I can share that. It creates a smile, then doubles it andsends it on to the next person.

If I see a movie I like, I want to share that opinion, with the hope it is equally enjoyed by somebody else. People love to share what they love.  Many great, and some not-so-great wars were over the simplicity of trying to enforce a shared opinion or lifestyle. If you believe in God, you want everyone else to as well. If they don’t, you might feel the need to kill them – but that is a tangent that didn’t need mentioning in this blog. There are so many less controversial examples. The Internet is practically founded on the concept that people will use it to share their likes and opinions to the people they care about, or to everyone they can if there is a profit to be had by doing so. Spam is really just commercialized sharing.

I like sharing when I’m in a good mood. I tend to respond toposts more and share memes or articles more. I am sharing my good mood, and in my head, getting a bonus hit of dopamine with the thought that the recipient of my shares may smile. I may not be there to see it, but it still works to make me smile. Sharing gives me two shots of happiness for the price of none.

Share performance enhancing drugs can be a slippery slope. I think I’m in this phase now. Its become an obsession to create and share way too much. I have to be careful because not only do I overshare regularly but I over-share, and those are two different things. I share too much and I share too much. It has become a part of the addiction. I feel a need to blog about everything and the inferred happiness of likes and follows that may or may not happen is no longer enough. I become frustrated that the world isn’t taking notice. Nobody cares about my genius. Why are they not commenting? 

This is where I found myself this morning in the brief period between waking up from a good 5 hour sleep, before I blow some smoke through my body to return to the hyper version of me I’m now accepting as my new normal. I caught myself craving recognition and praise as if my blog about opening banana peels from the other end is more worthy of likes and comments than anybody else’s take on similar non-priority posts. Weall want you to come to our virtual booth and buy what we’re peddling. I even considered marketing myself. Or at least trying to be seen as a start. I don’t promote my blog. Very few people know about it at all, and I’ve always preferred not to be judged because without feedback, everything is assumed perfect and worthy.

Now I have had a taste. A following of people that like my YouTube series where I just feed the cows randomly spewing every thought as it strikes me. The lowest maintenance video blog. People lie it and suddenly an outlet for my thoughts is now an obligation and the transition from being honest to being what I think the people want has started. Subtle at first, but when I start thinking about planning content, I am no longer a blogger. I don’t want to be an influencer.

But yes I do. So badly. I want all the good parts of that recognition at least. I feed off the praise that arrives in my morning email.

But it terrifies me. It means work. Judgement. Evaluation, both from others and from myself. Am I ready for that life change at this point in my life?

Follow and like to see how it unfolds.

#prideworthy

 

I probably shouldn’t have shared this

Two minutes to midnight

Still technically Monday and I haven’t fallen asleep yet. I’ve been playing with noses instead of creating anything or making new videos. I should be tired. I haven’t smoked anything since 3 or 4:00 p.m. and I was doing pretty well at regulating her fairly normal sleep cycle.

I made a lot of errors today both in speech and memory and just in general doing clumsy things which didn’t occur to me at the time but in that respect now seem to be much related to not getting enough sleep. The symptoms are as described online. Tomorrow will be worse if I don’t get some sleep.

So of course as I’m sure you have guessed, at 2 minutes to midnight my itchy legs got the better of me and I smoked what was left in my original glass pookie pipe. One and a half hits. No big clouds. No real noticeable mental effect except that instead of being easier to fall asleep it will probably be more difficult than I’ll end up doing something instead of just laying there pretending waiting for sleep.

Or not. We’ll see how it goes

Watching my Webcams

Two videos made today as the first in what I hope will be a regular series. The first one is a general welcome to the webcam blogging series, although me being me, it goes off in tangents describing some of my stuggles with ADHD and drugs and growing up alone inside my head without much guidance. My ADHD and asexuality come out verbally once I get spun and start talking to the camera. I also explain why I love having webcams in my bedroom.

The second one is similar but talks more specifically about being a crystal meth user and producer of meth contet videos. They both are qute personal but I hope relatable. I discuss the drug community and go into my personal opinions on the meth stigma that played a role in how I ended up here.

The TV was on for the first part of one, and I tried to filter it down with no success. When I take the bong hit and sit up, it gets much better.
As with all my ideas, I have good intentions to keep it up and build it into a daily routine.

Meth Chat: Lighter Paranoia

I used to make more community videos called Meth Talk. Some may even be here in the old archives. I’m going to experiment with bringing them back, perhaps as part of the grand opening of club.frogstar. This one talks about my fear of loud lighters. I know all my lighters by the sound they make and which ones are safe to click click when people are near. I never have using guests so I’ve never had a way to test if they can hear every click in the kitchen above me. Maybe normal people don’t notice every click and try to tell where it is coming from.

I make a lot of videos

I try not to think too hard about the fact that my life is now much fuller. I’m busy from morning till night most days. I do my farm chores and talk to the camera. Those videos and clips are then thrown together with very little effort and some helpful apps and shared on YouTube with select copies shared with Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat and Facebook. I am obsessed with making videos and there are many music videos I only share here because the contet would go against community guidelines. (Drugs, not nudity)

I make so many videos, I have started mocking myself.

My Drug Questions Answered (Part 1)

I share my private videos in public because if they were only shared in private then nobody would see them but me. Although I do enjoy making these videos and probably would anyway it is nice to share them and get praise occasionally. I do get questions occasionally. I’m going to try and answer some of them here.

Q: You blow quite a lot of clouds in your videos. Are they all from one session?

A: they’re not usually from one session they are often from one day. The videos that are just short or one cloud maybe two are often from the day of.

When I wake up in the morning, I blow quite a few clouds and often I will make the video right then at the end of five or six clouds sometimes at the end of 10. The more creative videos tend to be after smoking more. Once done in the evening similarly draw from that day most of the time.

The longer videos that have a bit of a storyline or a plot or segments that are not just cloud blowing usually draw from a larger collection of imagery from my phone past and present. In short, I record a lot of my usage. I would say 90% of the time I’m blowing clouds I’m recording it although not all of that ever gets used.

I found it a great advantage to wear the same orange T-shirt as much as I can so that the videos can’t be linked to one specific day or time.

If I was wearing an orange shirt, those videos can be used in a lot of other videos. The only difference is how long my beard is.

Q: Aren’t you afraid of consequences from posting your videos online?

A: I try not to be afraid of letting consequences interfere with enjoyment. To some extent this is shared by many drug users. We can’t be afraid of getting caught or we won’t be able to do a lot of the things we do. Like smoke meth.

I have lived through some consequences already in that many of my close friends and family have changed their opinion of me forever when they found out. That was a consequence I didn’t expect. Although I keep my drug life separate from my social life for the most part, I don’t specifically hide it from public access. I just don’t tell everyone about it. Most of my friends are either accepting of drug use and aware of sites like Reddit or they are older than me and I don’t really worry too much about them accidentally happening across one of my profiles.

If somebody finds me in a drug forum on Reddit then the chances are they were in the drug form on Reddit and will either be pleased to have found one of their friends shares this interest or embarrassed by their interest and stay silent.

I’m semi-retired so I don’t have too much fear of losing customers if they find out. For the most part, it hasn’t affected my customer support any. I wrote that sentence after some consideration because there are clear examples where my drug usage has affected my work and it shouldn’t have. I had a very specific line I didn’t cross until I crossed it and then the line went away. That’s another thing I think a lot of drug users are familiar with. Setting lines they will never cross until they cross them and then justify it in some way.

Justification of a drug habit is a nasty habit in itself. I don’t mind admitting to being a drug user but I do hate that part of it. I should have boundaries that I follow and stick with them but as time passes, those boundaries almost always fall away. It’s the justification part that bugs me.

Q; But you post public accessible videos of you visibly breaking the law. Doesn’t that worry you?

I guess this is really the same question as the previous one but I broke it up into two because the consequences of your friend finding out you’re a meth smoker and the local police finding out your meth smoker or significantly different consequences.

My answer will start off the same. I try not to let myself worry about that because the benefits that I’m getting from being public in my head outweigh… No. I won’t say the outweigh the consequences of getting caught because it is a lifelong goal of mine to not be in jail. I’ve never even been in the back of a police car or in a police station for any reason. I’ve never even been called to the principal’s office.

So there are undeniable consequences that it is possible my online presence would lead to me getting in trouble. I have evaluated that in my head. The internet is international and most of the places I post are not local resources but international resources. I have a reasonable level of confidence that these online social media sites are not regularly being monitored specifically to arrest a casual user. I do not promote using the drug and I do not encourage using drugs. I do not sell or refer to sellers of drugs in my videos.

I don’t arrange to meet people although I wouldn’t mind some chem sex now and then. Grin. Where I live that’s never been presented as an option. In fact where I live right now it’s farm country. I don’t want to appear arrogant and increase the likelihood of me being a Target by saying I’m not afraid. I’m just not worried because I think the chances of my videos being the reason for an arrest are low, and the enjoyment I get from creating them and posting them among like-minded users are higher. No pun intended.

I feel I’m a pretty low risk user that doesn’t really endanger anyone else and there are better targets to pursue. I understand however that this could change at any time and I have a life philosophy that helps. When all else fails, make sure it’s a good story. That’s the only thing of value in the end.

What this means is, if it does happen, it will be a chapter in my life story that I haven’t yet experienced. The story doesn’t care if the situation is good or bad. Jail would be a good story.

Maybe that is too arrogant and answer. The short answer is I like making the videos and I don’t believe that I pose a serious enough threat to anyone to justify the labour in catching just me. This is not the case for everyone of course, and perhaps it is just a mental justification.

There are a lot of things in life we should not be doing and if we thought about the consequences of law enforcement, we wouldn’t be able to do those things and that’s a shame. Some of the best things in life are illegal. I’m still going to go 20 km over the speed limit when I drive on the highway.

At the end of all this I will mention one additional fact. Currently as of 2024 British Columbia is in its second year of a trial program where possession of a small amounts of drugs are decriminalized. I don’t know the official wording but as I understand it, you will not be pursued unless there is a belief of dealing or huge quantities. If I am caught smoking my drugs, there is no ticket, no fine, no record, and no reputation change. Who knows, they might even be a fan.

You might think I should have led with that.

Best Friday night in a long time.

One of the things that I seek out but don’t really seek out is friendship. I want it and might even go as far as to say crave it but I don’t really do much to actually find it. This should come as no surprise since I do very little to do or complete any goal. I’d go as far to say I’m afraid of goals because success means more effort and I’ve modeled my personality and lifestyle over contentment and adjustment so I’m okay with not doing anything.

However when the universe provides, I am certainly happy to follow up and make new friends. Since I moved out here I don’t really have any friends except those that are online and my brain has adapted to online friendships quite well. My very first series of dates and my first girlfriend we’re all met either online or before the internet, what we used to use. Telephone chat lines.

I actually love the concept of telephone chat lines more than the internet even because they are 2 minute messages exchanged back and forth and this gives my ADHD anxiety brain the opportunity to shine. I am amazing in 2 minute messages exchanged back and forth. The second I go live I turn into a bumbling idiot. I witnessed that earlier this week although to be fair, that particular instance happened shortly after coming down from a heavy ketamine trip.

I am pretty sure I burned that bridge though I probably won’t be able to chat with that person again because I really couldn’t think of anything to say and it showed

However last night as luck would have it the universe provided and I chatted with a new companion. I think she inferred that she is gay and that makes for a better companion for me because I’m as good as being gay as far as she’s concerned soap we’re not trying to date we’re not thinking about sex all the time as typical man men might be.

We hit it off in much the same way TV characters do. Fast and compatible. I am charming and funny and polite and intelligent in 2-minute messages. I tend to perhaps come on a little strong and if I mentioned marriage in the first 20 minutes that’s my bad. I did well to avoid it but I was feeling the confidence provided by a fair quantity of meth during the conversation.

That actually happened by accident or as she might say on accident being from Idaho. I spilled my stash box on the bed sheet and reclaimed most of it but the last bit is powder and I formed it into a line snorted it giving me a nice feeling and a perfect time to make a new friend.

We exchanged 2 minutes or less voice messages for several hours. I shared some of my videos and she returned the praise that I tried my best not to seem mandatory. It was certainly well appreciated and I believe sincere because I think videos are great.

At some point she banished which is the norm for brand new online 2 minute job exchange messages but I feel reasonably confident that it wasn’t because of something that I said. Online chats often and abruptly because something happens in your real life and you don’t get back to say goodbye. I said goodbye and thanked her and showed my appreciation and that I would like to have similar conversations in the future and I did my best not to feel or seem clingy or needy. The truth is I am both because when I get interaction I turn on I become a human again I only live in interaction.

It’s now 8:23 a.m. on Saturday and I didn’t go to sleep. I worked on a new video because sleep didn’t seem like it was going to come by 3:30 a.m. so I got up and became productive but I am a little tired now. Haven’t decided whether that means more meth or an attempt at sleep.

I will at least do some of my morning work chores which include this blog and the morning farm feed YouTube videos. I’m still working on a routine there that works because uploads Pizza very slow from satellite.

I look forward to receiving a message from her at some point today and I won’t be devastated if I don’t. I had a fantastic time and if it was one off it was still a fantastic time not lessened by that fact. I’m not going to obsess over maybe having said something wrong like I used to. I almost never rethink my conversations and interactions these days like I used to. I’m confident in the person I become the moment I’m talking to someone.

The community of drug users is a very good community with bad people that are pretty easy to avoid. I like them all. I have found my people and they accept me. That makes me happy.

Not quite as happy if I wasn’t high probably but still, I am content and I have adapted better than ever before. The boulder is nearer the top than ever before. That’s an obscure reference unless you’ve seen my previous blogs and know who Sisyphus is.

So as usual I feel great about something and then I have two more sentences that ruin it all for me. It’s the the too much talking problem rearing its head again. The negative thoughts come in right at the end. I hope that’s not happened with her but time will tell.

Now to tend to the cow videos.

Friday Recap

If I talk too much on my phone in the morning and try and upload it from the phone to the blog, it’s too big. There’s a very specific size limitation of my wordpress site without having to go to an FTP, which I don’t want to. I could, of course, upload it to my Google drive and then use an app to display things from my Google Drive. I just thought about now I can also upload it to youtube if it doesn’t break the community standards or keep it as an unlisted video, which I think we allow. If you see a video below this one, it worked. If you don’t. then you’ll see a different video which means you’d still see a video. I understand.

Maybe it is a morning race

I woke up from a particularly good dream this morning by a dog bark. One single dog bark. It was eventually followed by a second Park and the third but spanned out over time. One bark every 30 seconds or so seems to be more efficient at waking humans than a flurry of barks. They seem to have learned this only recently. It was the same when I lived in niagara. You could ignore a flurry of barks but a bark every 35 seconds is much harder to ignore, at least for me.

The anticipation of an untimed, but expected next bark is very much like waiting for the second shoe to drop. You know it’s coming. I woke up.

It was 6/29 exactly when I opened my eyes and looked at the clock and thought to myself I probably would have woken up anyway around this time, or it’s even possible that I woke up by myself in time to hear the bark. When it comes to sounds waking me up, I’m never sure which comes first. It is entirely conceivable that the dog had been barking this way for 10 minutes and my brain was asleep for the first series.

In any case, I awards the point to the dog this morning. It beat me. It’s interesting to me that humans seem to be able to wake up at exactly the same time or very close to the same time every day even without an alarm. Just now I pondered that it may be atmospheric. Having played with a altimeter app on my phone recently to detect how high above sea level I am, I understand that the air is different where I sit and where I stand.

It makes sense then that the air around me at 6:30 maybe different than the air around me at 7:00. I have not moved up or down but the Earth has in relation to the sun. This is a completely made up theory but I guess most series are until they are tested.

The first thing I did this morning was look over and see that I had left myself just enough water by the bed to take my pill. That gave my body just enough water to alert me that it needed to pee. I stand up, turn on all the lights and walk down the hall. I’m definitely awake now.

When I return I have to make the decision whether or not to start my day with or without the assistance of what I call my focus medicine in an attempt to conceal my drug habit. I’ve recently been contemplating a break because it’s effects have been less and less noticeable each day of regular use.

In the end I did some internet surfing, read my mail and tested my brain’s ability to go without. I chose the bong. One small shard gave me enough ammunition for for deep inhales and exhales and then I put it down. On the regular day I would have done that maybe four or five times over amping myself up more than I need. Need probably isn’t the right word.

I feel like that was enough. I feel better than I would have without it but also better that I didn’t need to overdo it. We’ll see if this can be my new normal.

It’s now 7:20 and I leave the bedroom for the morning cow feeding chores so all I have to do is make it another 45 minutes without going back to the lighter and the glass. I understand that the act of smoking is almost as much of the ritual as the drug itself. Cigarette smokers talk of this often. They miss the action of smoking and the social side of meeting outside the office door on the balcony with the other smokers. In my case, the act of smoking is always solo and hidden from the rest of the family but it is still something that is part of the morning routine and may be difficult to lose.

I’ve always pondered whether things are addictive or just part of a routine that you find a benefit to in some way. Is water addictive just because we drink it every day? Is air addictive just because we breath it everyday. I have always said I don’t really see any problem with addiction if it’s something you’re doing anyway. What does it matter if I can or cannot stop, if I choose not to either way. I have shown myself time and time again that it isn’t difficult for me to do without. I take breaks all the time and feel a minimum of physical response. I just happen to like the positive effects so I choose not to call myself an addict.

My name is orange Jeff and I’m a meth user.

Not an addict. Not to drug abuser. I wish there was less shame in that.

Inspiration from routine.

In recent days I have made some inspiring quotes to other people, in messages and comments. Today, as I woke up at 6am from a kickass awesome dream ready to start my day, it suddenly occurred to me that I have inspired myself as well.

Sometimes, curly sans serif text over a JPEG background with a single line comment makes sense. Life can’t always be dimmed up by a Facebook posting, but it doesn’t need to be. A few word of encouragement that make sense in the moment can get you through to the next moment.

Life really is all about not dying.

At this moment, I like myself more than I don’t. Ask me again in an hour.

The dream was about finding a spot on new school ground where I can have my lunch and not be bullied or yelled because I took somebody else’s spot. As it turned out, I was the highlight of the break because I kept talking and everyone found be truly interesting. I told stories and related well. I didn’t fit in, but I held the group like an honoured guest. I told my rave stories and morning radio changes. I knew some references and others were explained and compared for me.

I had a smile on for the whole time as we hated on the selections for school play, being reversed behind us on stage. I debated the need for the yearbook, even in times of online media.

I had a great time. I woke up tired and wanting to return, but I stood up, walked across the room and snorted a nice line of my morning coffee alternative wake me up. I’m back in bed now writing this.

I’m still trying to figure out an ideal morning routine and order of tasks that work best but I think the important parts are already the same. Wake up, smile, eat chocolate and be down to do the farm chores around 8am. The other parts are not as important and if I do more social media this morning and less email replies to later it’s all good as long as I start with waking up each day.

The universe takes care of the rest.

vivid and fun alien dream

In a recent blog I described that most of my dreams happen within the dream universe which is different than this universe but specific to itself in my dreams. A lot of my dreams happen in the same place and similar situations with the same people. Last night for the first time ever, I dreamed I was on an alien planet. My brain must have heard me and decided to give me some variety.

This is today’s video blog and it’s not very good. It doesn’t talk much about life or drugs but it does describe the dream. I have the video with closed captions but that made it too big to upload from my phone and Google has been acting really weird lately and my uploads are taking forever.

 

 

Bad Hair Day

I still don’t post anything where I’m not wearing a hat or especially an orange hat but I posted this. 

 

A second video I created early this morning when I noticed the camera I was using on my bed could see the camera I have mounted above my bed and I was able to record this video on both cameras simultaneously although it was a little tricky to edit later. I’m not totally pleased with the results but it is kind of a neat effect.