I slept well, and woke up refreshed. Almost instantly, I reached for my last piece of chocolate and the meth bong to start my day. I don’t have guilt or regrets about this anymore. At this moment in time, I am ok with identifying as a daily meth user… At least to myself and my blog.

I don’t like to use the word addict because somehow that feels worse, and it seems to imply that it is a need more than a choice. For me, and my body and brain makeup, it is my choice, and I have proven to myself I can quit at any time. In fact, I do quit when I run out.

My lifestyle is that of a drug addicted slob with horrible hygiene and a messy room, but that doesn’t change when I’m clean. My problems are deeper than drug abuse, and in some ways, my quality of life and productivity does improve when I’m using. I get things done. Just not always the important things.

I can hyper focus on things I enjoy and find interesting, but there is no change in my ability to ignore or forget the important tasks. I just don’t worry about them as much, which could be described as a good thing or a bad thing.

I live alone in my head most of the time, and the drug allows for that without depression.

Ideally I would prefer to be on the legalized version of this drug, but the effort required has a lot of steps to get there so it overwhelms me and I take the easy route.

I have wants on my to do list but I’m not certain I could accomplish them with or without this chemical aid, so I accept and adapt and embrace my now. To be content is the second best way to live if happiness seems a difficult goal.

I have always chosen the easiest path to avoiding the hard tasks. Currently this puts me in a daily meth rut, but I’m still always thinking and finding ways to smile every day. It’s not a bad rut to call home.

There is always tomorrow and I never know what the universe will provide.