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Two Thursday Clouds

Once I finally made the decision to not go to sleep on Thursday, I started making videos again. I didn’t make as many but each time I make one I blow another cloud so it’s a self-fulfilling cycle that gets me higher, and when I’m higher I want to make more videos which requires me to get higher.

I won’t say I’ve been super high because of the way my brain works but I’ve certainly been in a very good mood and my dentures are loose from dehydration but I’m not complaining.

Here are two videos that didn’t make the cut into a musical compilation but I liked the many way and one of them had huge clouds.

I’m sad that they have only been clouds in the sky this entire year so far. I haven’t seen a blue sky happy day since probably sometime in November.

Huge clouds. Did I mention that I broke my second bong and now I only have a crappy glass weed bong with a dirty meth bowl extension. It makes funny noises because of the way it percolates the water so I can’t use it when he’s around.

I just realized that now. Oh, it’s okay I can still use pipes. I noticed my supply is a little lower than I had expected it would be at this time but I intentionally have no idea when I started my current usage binge so I’m not going to feel bad about it being shorter than I thought it would be. I’ve been thinking it’s possibly time to go off it again but my brain does evil sneaky things. I’ve been productive. I’ve been getting things done. That’s a good thing that I suspect it will stop doing once it is stopped being fed.

Oh well. I’ll figure it out.

Drug cultural appropriation

I learned the term “blowing Clouds” when I started smoking meth a few years back, and I like it. Meth clouds certainly are unique. In recent years, weed smokers have started calling their smoke clouds too, and I selfishly felt hurt. That’s our term.

And then, I realized I just used 4:20 for meth, which probably pisses off the weed crowd just as much, if you more. 

It’s all just silly, and I’ll get over it.

 

Focus Fuel Webcam Hit

Every day I turn on my webcams and start working on customer support issues, website updates, and my own project at club.frogstar. I stream this on the webcams but I don’t usually talk much, so all you see is me working, or taking hits off the bong.

Thursday Morning Muse

I slept well, and woke up refreshed. Almost instantly, I reached for my last piece of chocolate and the meth bong to start my day. I don’t have guilt or regrets about this anymore. At this moment in time, I am ok with identifying as a daily meth user… At least to myself and my blog.

I don’t like to use the word addict because somehow that feels worse, and it seems to imply that it is a need more than a choice. For me, and my body and brain makeup, it is my choice, and I have proven to myself I can quit at any time. In fact, I do quit when I run out.

My lifestyle is that of a drug addicted slob with horrible hygiene and a messy room, but that doesn’t change when I’m clean. My problems are deeper than drug abuse, and in some ways, my quality of life and productivity does improve when I’m using. I get things done. Just not always the important things.

I can hyper focus on things I enjoy and find interesting, but there is no change in my ability to ignore or forget the important tasks. I just don’t worry about them as much, which could be described as a good thing or a bad thing.

I live alone in my head most of the time, and the drug allows for that without depression.

Ideally I would prefer to be on the legalized version of this drug, but the effort required has a lot of steps to get there so it overwhelms me and I take the easy route.

I have wants on my to do list but I’m not certain I could accomplish them with or without this chemical aid, so I accept and adapt and embrace my now. To be content is the second best way to live if happiness seems a difficult goal.

I have always chosen the easiest path to avoiding the hard tasks. Currently this puts me in a daily meth rut, but I’m still always thinking and finding ways to smile every day. It’s not a bad rut to call home.

There is always tomorrow and I never know what the universe will provide.