There is a mood between wanting to sleep and wanting to work and it is this mood that I find myself spending a good portion of my days in. If Ian is the right word. I finish my morning chores before 9:00 a.m. and don’t technically have anything to do until about 3:30 when I feed the animals their afternoon meals.
This has been my routine for several months, but recently I’ve started to notice it more. To notice that I just don’t feel like getting up and sitting on the computer but I’m still a little too energized to fall asleep.
Whenever I’m not sure what to do with myself I tend to do more drugs but in this case that doesn’t seem to make a difference anymore. I’ve been a daily user for over a month and the effects of which have less significantly. I should probably take a break but it’s difficult when there’s stock in the drawer.
I could have borrowed the car and gone downtown and walked around the mall or something similar but the mood just doesn’t inspire such activity. It’s a shame.
I’m not sure how to get out of this rut, but I’m sure something will change in the upcoming days or weeks. I have to get my invoicing done so that I can buy food. I used my last bit of chocolate today and there’s one cookie left.
Its days like this that I remember life is long and tomorrow is fresh and if I find a solution then today is forgotten.
If I sit down at the computer and force myself to start doing the thing I need to do, I may find myself spending hours doing things I don’t need to do which can be fulfilling but doesn’t pay the bills.
The drugs have probably changed my mindset in ways I don’t fully understand yet. The first hint is a lack of interest in the TV shows but it’s difficult to diagnose that as a symptom because the TV shows are currently kind of sucky. There’s not an awful lot I feel it would be interested in even if my mood was more TV friendly.
It’s almost 2:00 which means more than an hour remains before I have to get up and feed the cows so maybe I’ll give TV another try. If my blog ends here it worked.
A shower helped, along with some homemade chicken pot pie and a couple of chores that need to be done.