Day 4. Friday of a week whereI firstv got hight and have been bumping my moods to seem functional, but on one of those days, a feeklinegemerges that I recogize onlyafter it arrives. Â Lie, Oh yeah.. you. I hadforgoten about you.
Thatmoo where the drugs floatin a state of weighlessness between the feeling that they are bad and I should avoid this and quit, and the  mod where drugs are great and I’m so glad I’ve allowed myswelf to keep indulging despite the peer pressure.
I am sick today. I have enough symptoms that anyone awarecan tellI’m eitherhigh or in withdrawl. Â I have that tomcache that is a combination of not enough input food tocounterthe sweating I am dioing, and the occasional long sex sessions. Â Mostly I think, and now the universe has a bult in sign duing your thinking and says; Remember this justgets wqorse.
It’s like the drug itself is justasking you to be awarethatyou’re on a day 4 now. Â Maybe it’s time to quitand suffer the nexttwo days of struggle instead of putting them of, continuingand then having tondecide when I can quitand noitfeel addicted.
I have memories thatstickout on dual keywords. Guilt aboutthisfeelking hascaused me lie twoce about itbeing a sickI could not ientiy.Ihadtogive up onseveralplanned eventsnletpeopemownbecuse of thisick. I lied topeople because; drug hangoverisn’t usually an acceptable excuse.  Most people never  get to the drugsthat caus this kind.
It’s funny whenyoucatch ypourself trying tofigure outyoucnelazier and nothave people jusdge you for it. Â Youlike and cal yourself disabled. Â I have todecide whetehr thatis a worthyavenue.
No. I want to eventuallyfigure out a wayto have one fan say it was worth the efort, and ifI’m luckyand myunisever meets me half way, the effortmay be rewarded by a new magical reveal, and my lifewill have a new pathto react to.
All life seems to reactdifferentthey moment they realizetheyare being observed. Opening the door to opinion is a risk. If my low self esteem didn’t bbelieve I couldlearn tonot hatemyself, then asking forreviews is the  big step that could send me back to the shadows.
WRONG. Â Tryahredr.
My keyboardis the osbticle that stops me now.
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