Teh world is an awesome place. U say that omce in a while out loud as I pause and think about the selection of things to be in awe of is one of the best parts of our place in it. We- =\=
[== there is enough time in a cycle to getchores done and also enjoy reacrational thinking and discoveru.
Humans are aware that they can see and interpret the universse on many levels and we get to choose how we turn ourdiscoveruies into memories and stories. We get tio share, and win followers by sharingour version of tghe stories. We get to teach. We get to accumulate whetwe experience every day and add thatto our collective.
We evolve and live longer and each new genbeartion has an extra 7 billion examples to compare against and convert.
Thereare points in our lives tghatwe shareas milestones byteveryone experiences their realization in theirowntime.
Some master better control over ther thoughs thanothers. Some are able to supress the bad thoughts or reframe them.
Then, we share. Once we’ve made a decsion or a realization we seem to rely on at least one other person tobe let in. Ideas want to be defined, and sharing is the way we lewrn to benefit from the thoughts thatcame to other brains. Otherways of thinking. Other persopectives.
—- wave of sadness. I am typing in a slower voice, talking in my heada using a PBS braodcast voice parody or an FM late night radio DJ from thelate shift.
I sometimes wish I could just live here. GEt my foodintubes and just do a memorycoredump ofnme typing forr the rest of mylife. I can imagie being an attraction kids come to see. A man in a glass boxthatjustresponds and types 24/7 for the rest of mylife. I suspect I’d start typing wabout how to die pretty quickly.
Typinginbits is now sad. I am dumping on mytyle. I currentlu believe itis horrid and I won’t get my one fsn.
Then I think … nooo… if I try, Iwould find a fan.
Thenb Ibounce back and forth for an eterintydebatingwhetherI am happy or sad, and the mood changes to ping pong imagery ratherthan the sadness that I will die, and then my work will be discovered.
Rather… the reality is that … It’s just easierif Iassume it’s justfor me.
My pealuseure. My notes thatlead to tghe real first success thatis yet to come.
ping p[ongpinpon back and forth. I wanttobeieve I cabn be a success buttryingis a level ofwork thatis above not caring, and I canb currentlyconvince myself tghe extraeffort isn’tjustified untilIrealy beolleiev I will take a nextstep.
I look back. three years now since theage 50 change. IN three yearsmI hve progressed. I’m still standing on the back row waiting to move my kingyo te firstrow beyond my home… and i believe it willhappen…
Imcontentwitte movement bein closer than it w.long as it feels like I am going up the hill of progress, I can ignorethat factthat when I sleep, theball rolls back down the hill and I’m notany higher when I start to roll it again again tomorrow.
Then Ithfrow in theside thoughts that allow me to feel OK about not qworking. I wprobablywon’t be a success anyway. I hatethatone.
wow. horrid typing too. BAdsave.
I need to go outsuide and think different.