Day 4. Friday of a week whereI firstv got hight and have been bumping my moods to seem functional, but on one of those days, a feeklinegemerges that I recogize onlyafter it arrives. Lie, Oh yeah.. you. I hadforgoten about you.
Thatmoo where the drugs floatin a state of weighlessness between the feeling that they are bad and I should avoid this and quit, and the mod where drugs are great and I’m so glad I’ve allowed myswelf to keep indulging despite the peer pressure.
I am sick today. I have enough symptoms that anyone awarecan tellI’m eitherhigh or in withdrawl. I have that tomcache that is a combination of not enough input food tocounterthe sweating I am dioing, and the occasional long sex sessions. Mostly I think, and now the universe has a bult in sign duing your thinking and says; Remember this justgets wqorse.
It’s like the drug itself is justasking you to be awarethatyou’re on a day 4 now. Maybe it’s time to quitand suffer the nexttwo days of struggle instead of putting them of, continuingand then having tondecide when I can quitand noitfeel addicted.
I have memories thatstickout on dual keywords. Guilt aboutthisfeelking hascaused me lie twoce about itbeing a sickI could not ientiy.Ihadtogive up onseveralplanned eventsnletpeopemownbecuse of thisick. I lied topeople because; drug hangoverisn’t usually an acceptable excuse. Most people never get to the drugsthat caus this kind.
It’s funny whenyoucatch ypourself trying tofigure outyoucnelazier and nothave people jusdge you for it. Youlike and cal yourself disabled. I have todecide whetehr thatis a worthyavenue.
No. I want to eventuallyfigure out a wayto have one fan say it was worth the efort, and ifI’m luckyand myunisever meets me half way, the effortmay be rewarded by a new magical reveal, and my lifewill have a new pathto react to.
All life seems to reactdifferentthey moment they realizetheyare being observed. Opening the door to opinion is a risk. If my low self esteem didn’t bbelieve I couldlearn tonot hatemyself, then asking forreviews is the big step that could send me back to the shadows.
My keyboardis the osbticle that stops me now.