There are moments in my life when I’m not sad. Not many these days, but some. Today had a few of those moments in between the depression.
I paid down the electricity bill by begging for help. A $900 payment stayed off the disconnect, but not for long. Despite paying off all I thought I owed, the new invoice arrived for an extra $500. I also owe more than $300 on the Internet bill. This week, June begins and it all starts over again.
It’s a vicious cycle aided by the 2023 inflation insanity. My Grocery bill has nearly doubled in the past year. Things that were $1.00 are now $1.70 and things that were $8.00 are now $11.45
Similar increases on almost everything on my véry limited grocery list. Admittedly that list includes sandwich meat and bagels and junk food. I try to make $100 two weeks but it doesn’t always work.
This weekend a new guilt trip was added to the mix. He asked me to help out with his manual labour backyard landscaping. Shoveling and moving heavy rocks from one location to another matching some grand plan only inside his head.
In other words, lots of ways to do things wrong. I let him down in various different ways and slept a lot.
Now I’m debating my move, and it seems more like a reaction. As soon as he asked for a bit of help, which is fully justified I suppose, that’s when I say I’m going to leave? That sucks.
I forgot to mention my business account’s nearly $1,000 overdraft debt.
I keep thinking of new reasons to be down and depressed. It’s unlikely I’ll be able to afford drugs but in my head, I believe I’ll need them to get out of this downward loop spiral. We’ll see how it goes.