That last line of hyper focus dust put me over the point where I can sit and work into the rythmic breathing level. I breath in and out to a beat and dit in place pondering my recent past, my choices, and what I should be doing. But can’t.

I don’t use the term regret often. I make choices and I own them, and I admit some are the wrong choices. In the moment however, I can justify bad choices with my old excuse.

Making choices that cause my current situation to change, can create a situation where I am forced to react. It’s not quite the same as doing something on my own. 

That was my problem this week. I was at a stand still if frustration and depression so I got high to have the universe decide for me. It didn’t. So I kept getting high.

Eventually this action will cause something to happen and I’ll accept it and move furwsrd. 

Or not.

At this moment, I hate my life. That will pass too. I know I don’t actually hate my life. I’m actually happier than I’ve been in a while most of the time. I’m just not sure which story is true and which is in denial.

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