I did a thing. And by thing, I mean nothing. I had an unexpected and unplanned fast and sleep day. I took a Saturday off and made no contact. I slept.

It’s Sunday morning now and I should make an appearance and do my morning chores but I’m afraid. I don’t know what I want.

I know I should not have woken up and immediately smoked the last bits out of my dirty bong. This was supposed to be my clean start.

I’m not happy with myself right now.

I am now realizing I’m too high to go upstairs and pretend to be normal because I am not normal. I can’t hAndle questions or accusations. I’m sick. I have not eaten much because I was so dehydrated, my teeth were sore. I missed my meds a few days.

I’m a wreck. I want to go back to sleep.

Ironically, it’s Thanksgiving. A day of thanks. I’m not sure how to react.

9:04am. I have alerted the house I’m alive and apologized for yesterday’s sleep day. I have not made an appearance yet, or done my morning farm chores. I didn’t do them yesterday either.

What I did do was foolishly quite a few more clouds. Another bad idea.

I’m stressed and freaking out, so I do more to get me higher and it’s now impossible to hide. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe it will make me confront and admit.

Time will tell. I need a shower. Likely that is downstairs.