Yup.

I thought I could journalize my story, but I;m not quite there

Had a fantastic time in an alternate universe tonight, Halloween Saturday.

I made several critical errors tonight

I betrayed a loyal friend, again.

I disrespoected him, although inadvertintly, due to chemical intoxication, but still.

I feel like it;s maybe the third time, but he may remember50.

I continue to foster a friendship with is girlfriend, despite knowing she had a crush on me, and I kinda like it… err.. I mean, no. I really don’t

but i keep baiting it

i feed it because being charming and #likeworthy is addictiver.

even from the wrong sourse

I hate that I cant seem to cold turkey her as I should.

It occurs to me, this is the moment the male brain calls the bluff, I’ll term the Trump bluff.

I’ll be an asshole and she’ll dump me. Its a win.

The reason I call it the trump bluff is, it backfires and youre now caught with a crush you don’t recipricate.

clinging

asshole

whoops. turns out that works for her.

win

asshole conscent

there is the problem today, So many of us are so wounded from youth, that we never fully trust and share again. I spent most of my life not feeling #prideworthy

I did not like myself. The negative voice inside my head that told me I was shit, was loud.

At age 50, I found acute therapist who’s smile I immediatly wanted to earn.

She allowed me, in less than 2 years, that I am in facte #prideworthy but also #loveworthy.  I’m new at self appreciation, so I still need to concentrate to not feel like I am not crazy.

BOOM

I am terrified, and now I’m streaming my truths. I am not equipped to be the guardian of my former house mate. She needs help to even understand there is a problem, and I’m not quite sure whether it might be worth it, if she actually can complete any task before feeling the next shiny object is equally important a puzzle to solve, or imprvove, or preach your gospel, in single words and phrases that I recognize. I have been that mad man, needing to write every single thought down because I am a unique genius and my perpective is #prideworthy regardless of any oposition.

never ask a person to change their entire root belief structure. Just don’t.

But who cares?  Really… what does kt matter if I don’t share your chosen origin story for the niverse.

Start slow.

50 year plan. Eventually, people will no loner be surprised or shocked if it’s now found out we’re all wrong.

I have mixed feelings that the base idea of my personal project… a religion origin story of my own, that allows for the possability of some of the things science wants us to pretend don’t exist.  Weird shit. Everywhere.

I created an origin story, of a sort, that recently has been turned into a TV series.

Understand I am in no way saying the two are related in any intentionalway, but in the first 15 minutes of watching, I realized. Oh Cool. This is a story about my universe.

I am not amazed at hiw well computers can mimic life

I am more amazed at how much life, works the way a computer program could, or would.

If it makes sense, its as good or better than a lot of other religions.

An origin story that makes sense, explains a lot of the weird shit.

it explsains so much. How many people would it take to cretae a truman show for a single person… or a town.

One generation living inside a Star Trek holodeck isn’t self aware, except Moriarty.

I think Westworld is about the human race discoverying god.

bam

shame. I cant share this.

I am crazy.

bam

brain freeze. need reak.

great night #storyworthy

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