This is almost 400 pages of the rest of my blogging from former years

Must be a Thursday. ‘Never could get the hang of Thursdays

It’s a hot Thursday in July, but I don’t leave my basement on hot days, even to get some blue sky. I have not been going outside much at all this summer, except weekends. I must keep my Saturday adventures going. They are vital to my happiness, although they also cause me internal grief if I obsess about the concept too much. I have been released from the trapped feelings I had, but it still feels wrong.

As an experiment in my life, and a new chapter of my story, I have recently undergone a lot of changes for the second part of my life. It seems I’m one of the healthy ones and could have a long life. I don’t believe I look my age, and I’m happy about that. I am enjoying getting older.

However, I am not so happy about doing it alone. When I turned 50 – and age I actually didn’t except to make for some reason. I think the idea of dying early is a strange comfort to confused 20 year old’s doing drugs.

In any case, I made a lot of changes and now on my 52nd birthday, I tried the next phase. I have grown more confident in who I am, and for the first time in my life, I don’t hate myself. I don’t only go to the negative thoughts when I am daydreaming about possible futures.

I like the NOW version of myself that exists whenever I am interacting. The Jeff in the NOW has confidence and presents well. People like that Jeff. Unfortunately, that Jeff only turns on, when somebody puts in a coin, or asks a question. That Jeff is externally operated.

edit: Sorry. That last sentence started to go off on a very visual “vending machine” theory of how my brain works, but that story is far from being ready to share, so I’m going to pretend I didn’t write it, and change the topic.

Oh look, A zeppelin.

In my life, I have pinpointed two traits that have been instrumental in creating who I am today. I had a loud father who would often get angry spontaneously with little warning, but more often if I had to ask him something when he was in a bad mood.

I am terrified of loud noises and being startled to this day.

I will cry if you yell at me, and possibly never recover fully.

I have learned not to ask.

Almost ever.

I have modeled myself in the support role in my life. I like to be the one with the answers, and the one you tell what to do. My highest reward is a job well done and a smile, but I became quite good at making you laugh too.

I found being the punchline guy was a great way to get into conversations, and I have stories at how long it took me to get that right. You can’t ALWAYS be the punchline guy, or nobody will ever be your friend.

I have confidence in myself in the moment. If somebody is standing in front of me, and they speak first, I am a great guy, filled with the confidence that seldom wavers, that I can hold my own in any crowd with any conversation… as long as they start it.

I won’t ask.

I won’t interrupt.

*Not an absolute. I am getting better, and will jump in with a punchline if appropriate. I have found a stranger to the conversation can still make everyone smile with a well placed punchline.

As is often the case on weed, this story has gone all over the place, and is in no way related to what I sat down to write, or what I thought of moments later… but my fingers go where my mind goes.

I’m torn between living a life of support and existing primarily whenever somebody makes me react, and a life of activity without that need – when high on various drugs. I know I need to change my habit and stop most, if not all the drugs, but at this time, my life on drugs is more productive, entertaining and … well… my life off drugs is TV or answering a request. I can go days without anything… a void with my mental screensaver being TV.

But on weed, or other various things – I write, I create, I chat and I have real fun. In second Life, the alternative universe I live in when I’m high, I am a pretty cool guy. I’ve even had several relationships and two girlfriends.

I want a partner. I need a partner. I am not able to exist without being high when alone. Without reacting, nothing gets done. The dishes and dust pile up.

I need someone to live with. to live in the life of.

I don’t want to be sad.

The End

Oh look, another zeppelin

The scripted election of 2016

I’m a Canadian with a television, which means I have to pay attention to the politics of the USA. It’s always a crazy show, but the year of 2016 was a crazy insane story that people don’t believe. There are so many conspiracy theories floating around, mostly because the campaigns are so crazy, we really can’t believe it wasn’t planned… or even scripted.

As an outsider to the country, it’s been quite eye opening. Previous elections have shown me the way America is split. It’s scared me in the past how one side uses fear to scare people away from the other side. During the last election, and the one before that, and the 5 before that, I’ve been shocked at how the one side overplays how electing the other side will mean the end of times. As a Canadian, I’ve laughed at how Republicans use crazy words like Armageddon and End of Times when they talk about the Democrats winning.

In fact, much of America in general is based on two “facts” that are not facts. They claim to be the greatest country on earth, and they’ll only stay the greatest if their side is in power.

I see this as a major problem in the USA, because one side is always going to win, and if they’ve scared you enough – you might become terrified… or worse… an activist to destroy the other side. The fears are usually crazy. I see more of it from the Rebublican side, scaring the shit out of their followers with devil commercials and abortion talk and all sorts of fear mongering… I coukld easily see a war start if they lose.

However this year in general, they have a clown running as leader, and he’s upped the anti on fear. He’s actually insiting riotys and fear more than anyone previous. He has convinced everyone that his oposition is a crooked liar that will destroy the country, and people obviously believe it and bow to his greatness… but in reality, Donald Trump is a horrible candidate and people SHOULD be terrified of his power.

I’ve always thought that politics, particularly in the USA has been scripted, or at least pltted in advance. Elections are placebo processes to further the beliefe that America is a democrcvy, but in truth, it’s just a story. They have two sides, merly so we can always be unhappy about some decisins and happy about others, but in time- everything gets done. some by our sie and some by their side. Everey 4 or 8 years we flip sides.

Hillaary Clinton wanted to be president… badly. The country didn’t want Hillary. Her first attempt, American elected a black man as the first Presidant. An amazing feat for a country still very racist. Hillary came back in 2016 and the democrats gave her a second chance, but it was stillclear that many Americans hated her. Nobody is quite sure why, but the Rebublicans sure liked to use that, and it seemed clear that Hillary was not goiong to win… ever.

Unless…. her competition is bat shit crazy scary, so the Clintons hatch a plan with theuir friend Donald Trump. Let this crazy guy run against her abd she’s sure to win. It’s acan’t loseplan.

Trump was possibly asked to be a bit crazy. Even too crazy for rebublicans… but wow. Hillary was hated so much, Trump had to go really really crazy, and even then….

The race has just started this week. Hillary and Donald aret the candidates. Now each will try to win back 51% but it might be a lot harder than they epected, and if they don’;t play it right, the crazy hoist of Apprentice may get the power.

They didn’t perceieve how much the democrats hate Hillary too. If people don’t vote, or vote against, Trump could win with a good majority.

It’s hilarious from here, but scary shit if you’re American, because if you’re smart- you unedrstand a Trump victory could actually be quite bad for the countrty. It’s hard to see how it would not be a disaster, even if Trump takes a teeny role and gets somebody educated and smart to do the actual work, which is appears is his new plan. His VP could end up running the country for him. He remains a loud and loved fear monger and somebody does all the work behind him.

But still… scary stuff with regards to theworld and other countries, and VERY scary if he doesn;t appease those nutscase fans of his that believe he’ll beuild a wall and send all muslims gpacking. His crazy talk has so many fans, there coulkd be riots and deaths if he loses, or even if he wins and turns into a politician and everyuthing he said was a lie.

I can see no good outcome, but I leave it to the expertsthat write the script for this play. Maybe they have a plan.

It’s sad Hillary got so much hate. From here, she seems like a perfectlky qualified first women preseident. she has experienmce both socially and profressionally, and her husband was one of the most loved presidents by both parties or al time.

I’m just glad The Daily Show is still on the qair, making me laugh eachnight at this show. Politics is the best comedy on TV this year. It’s better than trhe fictional political shows on TV. I swear Aaron Sorkin couldn’t have written it better.

Spam

Phone

I just saw the future

As I lay in bed, knowing there are Pokemon here, I think… I can see how I might enjoy going out. I know there is a Poke Stop across the street, and I have used so many balls because I’m horrid at all games. If I don’t get better soon, I dump the game, and it’s a shame point because I suck at all games.

I think… The moment they add a nearby chat to this, it will explode and become then best chat program out there.

If we incorporated my other idea, the chat app could start conversations. It could present your with a question, or a task.

I believe the idea of LIVE Game Shows is a profitable show in real life community theatre Tours and gyms. A lot of TV shows still work, even with a small audience.

You could even run local big Brother shows with different degrees of freedom.

I would like to believe that many of my ideas both behind me in archive, or tomorrow at 420. If it turns out stoner Jeff is fucking 10 times more productive, then ding ding, level up. It’s a power booster

Jeff imagines a mushroom trip in the near future. Mario cart mushrooms.

A

Second life kits and guides

Frogstar42 club

PARTY mansion with sl guides.

Stoners

Swingers

Virgins

Stoner virgins (each drug)

Bam.

How would my life be different if that was what happened to me. What if Second life is filled with Russian and Romanians and all those cultures I can imagine in my head as being staff phone sex voices. Professional voice hookers that have varying levels of skill.

I admin that all of the memories I have of my second life sex and some romance, started as voice hookers.

I was going to start this oparaghraph with; people with brains like me, might be thinking… But I stopped. I need ton own my perspective. Type the thought without review and hope for pride points.

No. Say it with opridepoints. The review is irrelevant.

There were a few times during my experimentation with romancing my 3D avatar in that alternate universe known as second life.

I recommend it highly to anyone who gets high alone. It might take you a while to get into the Grove, but if you let yourself believe in the character, you can be somebody else for a while.

You can test personalites.

You write your own story in Second Life. If you think it, it can be so.

It is the ultimate role play, if you allow it.

Because joy is everywhere in Second life, if you look around and begin to believe.

Cut AWAY:

Nerds of my gen. There was a Star Trek Original Series episode where they Klan did on a planet, and anything they happened to be thinking of was created and appeared.

Second life is kind of like that. If you think it, it can be created… By you, or Tighe team you hire.

Second life tries it;’s best to offer duplicates to our universe inside it’s universe. In more ways than you can comprehend without help, there are versions in Second Life.

The Universe has it’s own currency, which can be exchanged back and forth with your bank account.

The most fascinating this, is how it has evolved into a financial system where people are making side income, or perhaps main income in that universe, and paying the real world bills with cash from the alternate universe.

I recommend SNOW Crash, by Neil Stephenson.

Ideas:

I believe there is a market in bringing real world retail stores, into the alternate universe. I believe in creating a Toronto area. I have no idea why it doesn’t exist.

I want a stoner friendly… No… Stoner targeted amusement park inside an empty Target building. An idea that might fly in the real world too… Mixing both universes in a fun house.

This is what I want to create. An atmosphere where men and women may gather with hopes of mingling and maybe meeting. I believe there is a percentage, and I really believe it may be a huge number, but then my other voice says; Really? You think there are others like you, 52 and celebrate less 1?

If taken seriously with a budget, or backing money, or partners, or sponsors… Or sugar mommas (wink)

I believe there is a market for forced meetings. Conversation starters. The bar scene with mingling forced Avon you.

Clubs have Karlee and that certainly bonds people and encourages more dunk that usual. It’s a hit.

But what if the club matched you randomly within oprameters and gave you a story. Instructions on something the two of you must now do.

A Mission. A scavenger hunt and clue to the next stop.

Could E use Pakistan’s as landmarks for

Sorry… Too much wandering for now. I just had a nice pride point flashback to my family memory. We were also game of layers, in so many ways. I never won, but I loved every smile minute of it. My only bad memories I turned into a story of smiles. Father would often join in game, E night. Each time, I would enjoy the smiles as long as I could. At some point, I’d feel the air change, as the first phase of frustration would leak out. Father was no longer on the enjoyment side of his mood swings. His moment has passes, and he’s faking now.

I don’t remember, ember if I poked the bear to set him off with sarcasm, but I can imagine I did in my head at least. I always went for the open choline and if I could laugh at my father’s anger, it had less power.

I found a way. I actually find most anger funny. I have a trick.

I’m not sure how well this will work if I tell you all the steps in advance, but essentially, when you are in a moment of anger, I want you to take that moment, and turn it into a story. Specifically, try to turn this moment into the story your will tell to others in one year about this moment.

I’m high, so that may not be clear, but I hve taught myself that the only thing that matters in the universe, is the story we tell, and the stories we’re told.

If all else fails,

Make it a great story

Let me re frame.

Once you learn the power of telling your own story, you can really change the universe.

You will learn… Ding… That sounds cult’s doesn’t it?

I will demonstrate how my fear of asking is so deep. I plan on failure.

Ding.

That was two different topics. A wave of thc flooded the brains

With a fresh and blanked brain, a whoosh fills in and I take advantage..

Zeppelin. This is bad. I can’t keep these posture positions. Need to change.

If you don;’t retelkl it, its not a storey

BAM

I shpould make a video for Amy to watch as homework for the meeting she stole from me today.

I got high and shoukld not have.

Not blaming her… I got high anyway.

proudworthy

Wouldntb it be amazing if a major poart of the oprobklem wasthat everyone was terrified of the word pride. We’re afraid tio say we’re proud

We may even be afraid to be proud.

It’s offencive to say; I want the word PRIDE back. You can keep the rainbow. You can BE proud, but you can’t have a monopoly on pride. Our country needs to be able to feel pride without a second thought of it being a gay issue.

Gay comfort is still newer to the older generation than the blacks wanting to be called the blacks. We just see one more than the other.

….

Big reveal. or not.

an arena of thought, as I felt my brains discuss whetherI should start telling the deeper secrets in text so early. I need to only hint enough that I’m worthy of a story or more, and somebody will save me.

Will discover me, and probably try to make a deal that is horrible fior me… but … dare I share my heal?

BAM

T SHIRT IDEA

A GREAT SMILE IS MY HEAL

My mind re-reads it in front of me on the screen. I have to gamble on whether that is 100% a stoner thought that only make sense in my head, or whether it is a sublte inside joke referring to achilies heal and my weakness is a smile.

I am not against being taken advantage of and becoming a kept man. I’m not sure what that means.

This is what I mean.

Hello.

I am not John

I am a very creative, funny and caring 52 year old man that needs saving. I am honest in saying that I won’t survive much longer without a parter. I am a co dependant living alone for the first time, and without somebody to tell men to do things, things don’t get done.

I live a live in reactions. I have made it work for me, and become excellen at answering questions. I have given pride points to.

bam.

Could the idea of pridepoints #pridepoints replace the word pride, and give way to my ideas for happiness.

pridepoints could be huge.

Zeppelin

A game, where you collect pride points, by aiming the augmented reality over things that you can feel pride about. You post the items you have pride in, on a gigantic digital fridge door.

PridePoints:

What do you say sister?

There is only one way to answer that question in our family. It is one of those quirkie inside jokes that somehow stuck. As an adult, it begs the question, I wonder how my sisters handled their drug phase, for surely they were … I stall. One was certainly one that would have tried weed I’m …. I won’t say I’m certain. I never really knew my sisters, and what time I did have with them was all lost in my memory unable to be retrieved without external reminders.

My only real memory was that of a story. AN imagination between the three of us that was held onto with an almost real belief. My two friends from somewhere above a store on the way home from a lodge in Haliburton, where we had all acted in an award winning play.

WOW…. MIND BLOWN

I played the role of a boy, who was playing the role of a girl, and only late in life discoveres I am a boy.

Just as an aside, I also once played a black character in Tom Sawer in blackface. A copy may be on the internetet but I think…

MIND BLOWN!

I believe I remember that I was upset they got my name wrong. I believe I remember it as another blond kid’s name. THIS MLOMENT, I ask the memory, is it possible I did not do that, and I only cretaed the memory when I saw the photograph, years later. At this time and age, I remember only the story of the newspaper photo, and how I was sad the name was wrong.

However… what if the name was wrong on purpose, and somebody did a favor to get the misprint, so I was not identigied as a kid in blackface. Any forward thinking parent … ding should / might….

I’d like to believe people knew it was …

I can’t say that. IN my memory, I did it. I took the role, and it is very likley I had never seen a black face before. I was age 13 in a very white town. I remember the high school where I met the only black guy, and the only asian guy.

I wonder…

Story idea.

I complain thatbI have no memory of my childhood. I don’t have memories of any time together, except some specific stries I’ve been retelling for years. It occured to me, that a scenario exists to write in my mind.

WHat if my memory was wiped, or suppressed, because I was gay. Clearly gay to anyone buy myelf, because I was pre pubesent gay, with low self esteme. I remember how hard it was in high school for me to spend time with the guys who’d figured out the secret to getting girls.

I never had the desire. It didn’t come till my late 20’s and that is around the time I start remembering from. How would my life now be different if I had been in a cult and brainwashed to forget it, and my gayness. I woudl emerge with no memory of this training, but a forced desire for women.

I learned to like the naked body of a woman. I learned to find the beauty in the naked form, and then I learned my best chance with women, was if I removed the image of beauty from my mind, and learned to understand good sex isn’t always about a perfect body.

For me, it’s always been most about the smile, or the joy I can work tiwards as a goal. (*I stalled a lot on that …..

Moment.

Other brain has a new idea. fuck. other brain has forgotten a million dollar idea.

This is why I need a girklfriend.

BAM.

This posting suddenly became a personals ad. This is my brain on a nice dose of edible THC (strng weed)

It’s the way my brain thinks. If I share my blog with the world as a personals ad, surely somebody will understane what I need. I need to be taken care of, while I think I’m taking care of you. I have convinced myself, and so it is true, that I only move forward when there is somebody in front of me, making me react. I only survive, in reaction to something. When there is othng to make me react, I go into an idle waiting mode, with the human screen saver being my 55″ TV or my computer, as I often retreat into an alternate universe, where I have given my alternate personality a real life, and he’s teaching me, how to talk to women.

The problem is, in the alternate universe, we’re ll really good looking peropls at age 27. It has been fun re-living the exact age I use to tell my stories.

BAM

TV SHow idea.

I could do a real life TV show, in my alternate universe. I could do any kind of TV show, in Second Life.

I bet I could sell community theatre in second life. But video RL instead iof avatar.

HOWVER… I am also aware that it is possible to script exact movements in SL and could without much work, probably create a move for move theatrical play or tv show if somebody smart were to automate it.

Maybe it already exists. I know people have mae porno, but fior understandabkle reaons, they don’t put a lot of effort into it. I can imagine Second…

bam

Memory. I bleieve I am describing the next generation of Second Life concept. Whatever they call the new thing. I didn’t focus, but I think it was about realism and control, for game development and stop motion. for whatever the next level may be, for now, 3d avatrs may take over marketing and the internet.

I could forsee, with the help of my favourte book not about the Hitchikers; Snow Crash by Neil Stephenson.. I sooo much hope I got the nameright without edit because it’s be a pride point.

—-

I am excited about the idea of Second Life, and I believe I would considfer it to be an investment opportunity, but I’d want a smart person to slap me in the face and say it’s the most voliltile universe you could invest in, next to the one we live in…. and we’d both laugh.

I choose to believe that the future will grow for second life, if it keeps up and doens’t piss off it;s merchants. One false move, and the betrayal feelings could be severe.

I’ve often wondered what it will be like when people move off facebook ti the next generation. It could break up communication between old and new for a few years… ding me being negative.

BAM

I wonder… if there was somebody out there, that had the same kind of imagination as me, but didn’t have a.d.d. or smoke a little bit of weed, might … Distraction point awarded to seating position pain. Point also to health insticts. It is indeed time to swap position.

I mis my Windows tablet. I justify a new one. Discomfort will be used again tonight.

Sunday Adventures in dabbing

A lot happened today, and nothing happened. Once again I redicovered how much fun it can be to be high in public at a park on Queen street.

I wish I could have shared it.

SHARING is built inton our nature, in every way – ecept money.

Dear Craig

I read the personals ads, scanning onl;y the W4m listings. Each one is a emitter how foreign the real world is to me, with regards to sex. I hardly ever talk about it, let alone do it.

Some of these women sound cool, like maybe we could be Feb or Drug play friends… But I’m just dreaming.

I can’t hook up with a person who hooks up. I can’t fake being good at hooking up.

I need somebody to read my ad, and look apron me as a project Fuck. Have you ever dreamed of being a teacher? Want to receive the awkwardness of your youth and take a boy’s virginity? (Not quite)

Then pick me. Willing to learn.

However, full disclosure, I am obcessive and negative on myself. I don’t know if I can muster the passion without distraction.

I don’t know anything. I can’t predict the future regarding sex. I can invasion failures because I have experienced them. I have had opportunities and failed.

It’s a thing. It may or may not continue to be a thing if I find the right woman, but the right woman has to be great AND patient. That’s asking a lot.

No it isn’t. I shush the negative attack.

On the other hand, she might touch me there, and whoa. I’m back in action. I can hope.

The moment.

End of part 2.

Fantasy Personal Ad

This month, I have taken To putting myself out there on a few legit and a few scam dating or hookup sites.

It feels horrible trying to be normal. Trying to be me, but hide the parts that might turn a first impression sour, but my view of those points is biased, and probably wrong.

Bing

Negative assumption.

What I font reveal in those posts is that I am terrified. I know I am acquired taste, and probably more odd than I want to admit. I am almost a hippy.

Should I embrace that?

How do I define hippy? I don’t. I just say that I personally only own Polo shirts with stripes, one pair of jeans, and one pair of shoes. The jeans and shoes are the same models I’ve bought forn well over 10 years.

I never wear a shirt twice, and change to clean underwear and socks every day. Both the socks and underwear are white.

I explain that with a number of ways, but I have chosen a generic middle of the road, almost invisible persona. I try to make everything about me, not give you an impression. Your would not notice me in a crowd, as nothing stands out.

I am invisible until needed.

I am terrified, because I want to change, but I need a partner to commelian to. To bond to. My personality adapts to the person in front of me, or in bed with me.

I strive to become a better person, in your eyes.

As I write this, I think it may sound creepy. Stalker-ish. I’m not sure there is a way to describe it without sounding that way.

Some people are born to be butlers, maids, servants. They excel at it. Some people are born to be Robin, standing next to Batman. The support people.

That’s me. I am happiest when making you smile. I will think of your needs when I make life choices or big designs. I will in most ways that don’t include pain, put you first.

All I ask is that you treat me with respect, don’t assume my reactions, and…

Wait, says the other part of my brain. It’s not the same as submissive.

Mind blank. Lost in the details.

Starting over.

The opportunity to have spontaneous sex exists. It is a foreign world to me, but I am becoming aware how easy it is for some people. For people who have done it before, or are at least confident enough in their sex life to impress a stranger.

In my head, I can only in vision sexual disasters, and thus I would be ashamed to have wasted her time. I can’t do the spontaneous sex thing until at least I’ve done it a few times without tears.

My mind boggles at the various ways I would let them down, be it paid sex, casual sex or even romantic sex. You’re probably going to have to love me first to begin.

I want to believe I will grow to be at least acceptable at sex within a few tries with the same person, depending on how well she can fake not being frustrated.

A happy reaction to my awkwardness could overcome. I am weakened by the right smile.

I just don’t know what to do. My first idea was to hide it till date 4 at least, and try to build a relastionship. Four dates is a lot for me to evaluate long term options, before I have to come clean and admit to needing sex help.

Maybe on date 4 she tells me she has 3 kids she didn’t mention.

We’ll laugh and call it even.

I’m not sure when I’d tell her I like to get high. I believe in my heart however, that if I date a few days a week and eventually move in… I can give up drugs. A human replaces what I used drugs for.

That is not to say, I’m equally ok with dating a casual drug user.

—

I’m OK with anyone who says Hi. Let me be clear. I set some boundaries, and don’t want to go too young… But if you don’t yell, and you don’t make microwave popcorn, I can probably get along with you.

As long as I can feel your smile inside, I can be happy. When you live life respecting the story, then any situation is a win. Good or bad, win or lose, if the story is the product, then you can always make it a good story.

When all else fails

Make sure it’s a good story.

Horrible things can make for a fantastic story.

Remember. We tell our own stories, and we choose how to remember or retail the stories of others too.

All it takes to change yourself

Is to change the way you tell your stories.

Zeppelin.

I have been thinking of two careers of late. I could rent a car, and become an Uber driver. I drive well, and as long as I don’t feel it’s an irritation, I am a good conversationalist. I smile and make other people smile. I adapt to be a great moment in time, if I can.

I might love it. No organization. Just support. It’s what I do.

Of course, I might hate it too. If people are mean and disrespectful, or loud. If they yell… The pain I’d feel inside could out weight the good. Add to this, they may even be criminals. I do not have the security a cab driver has.

It could be scary Shit, even if I don’t drive at 3am.

(The money is at 3am I bet)

—

Also thought it’d be cool to work on an act, and tour with my philosophy of stories. I sincerely believe it can change your life.

The power that comes with fully grasping what it means to be the author of your own stories. How all success in then world goes to the people with the best stories, or the best story tellers.

OR the bustard, but they don’t fit into my plan.

The moment has passed. I need to stop this writing for now.

End of part 1.

8:01pm, on a Wednesday. I said I quit on Monday. Darn.

Where I am at 52

At age 50, I ran out of places to live. All my friends and room mates had full lives and I found myself out alone for the first time in my life. I could no longer find a basement to live in, or a spare room. I was, for the first time in my life – alone.

I found a one basement basement in Toronto and started a new chapter in my life. Around the same time I decided to make other changes. I changed the way I ran my business, and started asking for help, which was new to me. I got myself a family doctor instead of using a walk in clinic whenever needed. This allowed me to build a relationship and start on some mental health medication to assist with my obsessive depression tendencies. I even found myself a friendly support social worker counsellor to guide me through this new phase.

It was a big life change. It helped, and I eventually transitioned from a self hating depressive guy to a version of me that actually had some confidence in who I am. For the first time in my life, I actually liked myself and had some pride in who I was. Who I am.

To be honest, I’m still struggling, but I am much better. I feel confident that I could be a good mate for someone, and move into a new life where I am once again living with somebody… but living my own life instead of living in other people’s lives.

I even dated… kind of. I certainly want to. My confidence in my personality is far better, but I’m still a little shy of promoting myself and showing others my confidence. I’m slightly afraid of looking confident. I have a fear of egotism that stems way back to my youth. Although I can say I don;t hate myself, I know it’s easy to fall back into self doubt at the first sign of failure or frustration.

Online dating is horrid. It appears that a good percentage of the women are fake and will never reply… or even faker, and will only reply until you pay a site fee, at which time they all vanish. I’m on one site that has yielded 15 to 20 interested responces, but I have to pay to read them. I have confidence in myself, but I also know that once I pay, none of these women will exist, and no additional messages will arrive. That really sucks.

I don’t know how to work towards romance and datiung in real life. I have conditioned myself and built my liufe around not dating. I can be anyones best friend. It just hapens when I’m around people… but I can’t make the transition to touch or romance. I can’t ask.

I don’t ask may be a beter term, as my therapist points out… but don;t and can’t are meaningless. The end result is the same. I don;t know how, and I fear rejection, so I avoid it.

It’s not so much rejection I fear. It’s more the inconvenience I steer away from. I don’t like to be a bother. I don’;t like to be in the way. I don’t like to interupt youyr life and inject mine. So I look for ways to speak without it being me that breaks the ice. If she speaks first I can continue. I have pride in my personality if they speak first… but I still can’t trtansition from friend to romantic.

So I don’t.

I live alone. I work alone. I sleep alone.

I hate it. I need to be a partner. I need to be with people. It gives me purpose, focus and it keeps me active happy and alive. I need to react to others. I know I’m a good person, and a great partner. I’m a good boyfriend… I just can’t get there, and my anxiety and obsession makes me a bit awkward at first glance. I’m bad at the first date if I know it’s a first date, but I’m great at the friendship date if I’m not being judged.

So I stay alone, living among best friends as an activity partner. It’s good, but not god enough for the second part of my life. I want somebody to make my priority and live to keep happy. My greatest joy is making the one in front of me smile. I’m good at it.

So my request is to the world. If you speak first, we may have a wonderful time together.

Say hi.

Conspiracy lunch

I have a theory that restaurants may irritate dinner guests just the right amount, in order to make the dinner a better story.

Man and women enter a restaurant and are seated without the hist having spoken a word.

They sit and discuss the odd seating.

The restaurant has provided the couple with something mutual to start a conversation.

A waiter comes and takes order

(author too tired to finish. Idea, seems less funny now. Entire staff created a plan to prank then reward a couple. Audience sees it with the couple, slowly get worse, but essentially people keep arising at her table and with increasing creativity, manage to get the word cunt out, or some less offensive word out. More and more official people come out to apologize, but manage to say it again.

Then they are given a room at the top hotel to spologize

Couple has a great story they will never forget and may even return every year.

Bed now. 330 am

Crap… it’s only 8pm

The moment when your high has peaked, and the rest is decline… but you look at the clock and think, well fuck. Now what? I’m going to be awake for hours.

Like… hours… all night.

Am I doing the same thing over and over again expecting different outcome?

o

I don’t think I can be alone much longer. I looked at mail order bride web sites this week. I got high 5 days in a row and did almost no work. I did it again tonight knowing I have to be on full personality for Saturday adventures tomorrow.

I’m calling out to the world to find me, but from inside my head.

I want to be found, so that I am not forced to self promote. I only recently got from self hate to a state of confidence and pride, but I’m not confident enough to promote myself.

I wait for the Sadie Hawkins dance of life.

I wish I could wear a t shirt that says pick me. I’ll be a fantastic boyfriend.

I like to document my life changes

A moment passed just now, and in that moment, I spontaniously had a new idea. I love new ideas. They’re often filled with hope and joy and pride.

A visual lightbulb appears in my memory for just a moment, and then I feel compelled to write this down, I need to make a change.

I have used my willingness to make changes in who I am or how I walk, or how I eat, or how I blurt out totally random, and sometimes cruel opoinions stated as facts.

I’m always working to evolve and these past few months have been filled with lots of change, and I am not ashamed to admit I evolve a lot because of my drug usage.

Tonight, while in my dark bedrom aone again, high for the fifth weeknight in a row without any excuse. I am aware I have a problem, and it occured to me that my stuggle might be a story people could follow.

I don’t want to be famous

I just want a few fans

This week I posted two long winded ramblings of a 52 year old single guy with no dating skills. Theyy are quirky and show more of my personality than a list of things I wouldn;t really consider deal breakers if we’d met without a list.

I admit to having equal parts of anxiety for and against these two posts being noticed. Perhaps cross posted to reddit, and of course in my fantasy – as a sweet story, rather than a laugh-at-him desperate old loser.

I would prefer to be famous on my merets rather than my failures

Tonight I made a desion, and even now as I put it to print, I am softening the absolute nature of my own thoughts. I do my best to live in a non absolute universe.

I sat up, and decided to move to the desktop. I should learn to enjoy the creative side of my stone out at my desktop with a more suitable posture.

I believe my curent set of aches are rel;ated to computing with bed postures.

So I moved out here, where I probably have a better correction system and I can multitask in two universes simultaniously. There are moe ways to meet women than fake dating sites.

3D Avatar bowling alley.. here I come. To lazy for real bowling? Perfect!

What I wish I could say in my ad

I want to start out that I may begin this writing, with the idea that I would like..

I don’t know what I’m saying. This blog was written while high, and not posted anywhere public.

—

Hello.

My name is Jeff and I’m applying for the role of boyfriend. I believe I am qualified for the job.

— No. Have I already blown it?

Hi. I’m Jeff, and I’m nervous about first impressions, because my second impressions are great… But I have been known to overthink or over share in first impressions.

My story.. A long one I love to tell in parts. I’m all about making stories and telling stories. I’m single and newly alone. I have never actually lived alone before. I moved from roomate to roomate until at age 50, I was the last single one.

I don’t like it. I’ll be honest. I want to get it over with before too long. I do not progress alone. With no smile to work for, I grow able to exist without it, but only truly grow when smiles are around me.

I need to be in a couple. I need feedback to make hard designs. I need approval and praise.

In return, I’m open and caring and full support for you and your life.

I can get along with just about anybody, if they have a great smile, and I can make them laugh.

If you don’t yell, and never have microwave popcorn again, I could move in and love you. Unconditional.

If we don’t yell, we can get through almost anything. I should not say this, but I’ll put up with a lot of shit, as long as nobody is yelling, because I really don’t enjoy life alone. I need interaction. I am powered by the smiles of others.

That probably sounds creepy. To bad I ever get those notifications after I pressed send.

The Secret life inside Jeff Goebel’s head

I’ve been writing a lot in the last month, and have been heating high in order to get the high of being so creative.

However, instead of worrying about that now, It’s a good opportunity to see some of the intricate workings of Jeff Goebel’s head.

–

Side thought. I just had a weird vision of a possible future storyline, but it vanished without evidence before I could write… And I was writing at the moment. Whoosh.

I chose to believe my mind works in mysterious ways and if I forgot it before I got to write it down, it’ll come up again.

I can imagine a documentary about myself. If I were famous already, I’d be famous. I’ve been paying attention to my own quotations and sayings since I was little. I’ve always thought that it was on, we only quoted great men who were already famous, of saying great things.

I believed through everything, that I was funny. It was a conscious choice with a rich back story.

So when I make a statement I have pride in, I often wonder; if I were Prime Minister, would that be a quote that would be heard?

Ding

Universe figured out a bit more. Level up

I bet great writers come up with all the good quotes, and they sell them. I bet one good quote could be worth a fortune.

I suppose it has changed the world that twitter can sway an industry. It’s an instant membership of obedient followers. It is the most powerful force on this planet. One that realizes everyone for success, luck or good management.

It’s bigger than any political following. Think about that moment on each season of CBS’s Survivor when the question of an all girls alliance comes up. Somebody’s going to mention it at least once in 39 days. They always do.

There are some people who will abandon quickly to adnace

And the ones that never abandon and hope to get rewarded some day.

OR not at all really. It’s a pleasure.

—

I was getting too deep, and have forgotten what I was typing about.

It’s the battle of sides again, staking ground before bed time. One part of my brain on the negative side of the arena and one on the positive side. I chose arena over courtroom because it’s more entertainment than sports.

They bounce me a lot between pride and shame in these past few months. I never know which post will be the one I share and if any would ever be seen.

I’ve learned to be proud of my circle of friends, who are all supportive to me in any way should I ever have the nerve to ask. I work hard to stay social regularly, and my monthly fajita nights are a thing.

Ding

I should promote monthly fajita Mondays to Lone Star and start a group.

Everyone needs to retain a connection with a community, and in today’s world a lot of us don’t get our monthly source of smiles and stories with friends.

The TV sitcom Cheers was about a bar where everyone knows your name, but I’ve centre found that chat rooms exist all over the country in many forms and everybody does know your name.

We have moved to accept online communities as the norm.

I am a fan of…

Darn. I hate when I am ashamed to show my pride.

—

Point awarded to the negative team for such awful distractions in the flow of my writing.

The end.

As a note for the archives, I’ve been using different mediums to write these posts, and I’m unhappy with the current one.

DING: Light bulb. All my aches and pains are because I’ve been N bed for the whole time. Worst postures ever… Always… Only…

Like now.

Yikes!

/me runs to desktop in other room. Can I be high out there? We’ll see….

Please deposit voluntary tip to continue.

That was a joke, but delivered so that most people didn’t think it was a joke.

Is this a shakedown? A threat? Am I saying I don’t need you?

No. No to all those. Sorry. That was a weird bit of aggression seeping through. I have tio watch myself a little more for the sings of – what am I saying… I either admit to crystal meth abuse and make it a part of my story. I honestly think parents need to know that as bad as any drug out there is, it’s quite possible meth will be a miracle cure inside his head, that it will be hard to live without.

Lets discuss a plan

It’s really hard to detect “rock bottom” when you live alone and work alone.

Today is the FRiday of a week I have goten high every day and not really accomplished much. I feel bad. Moody and sweaty. I flip between overheating and sweating, and most and chilled. I can’t nap, but I’m not really in a work mood. When I try to concentrate on work, my mind wanders to failure thoughts.

I am lost and alone with no solutions. I have been here before, several times in fact. I work it out. My survival instincty ombined with the universe, which seems to provide me last minutre rprieved as needed has kept me alive.

In the past, I have lived with som,ebody, and had an external voice I could coinsult, and whine to, and then feel guiuldty about bothering with my problems. It kept me on track, at least a little bit.

Alone, my conversations take place inside my head. Those voices don’t help nearly as much, and by now have become somehwat predictable. One says; awwww.. ignore it and it’ll work out. The universe provides… and the other voice says; JUst do more drugs and worry about it later.

So I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling wondering what drugs I can take.

But what if I tried a little harder. Made a plan and stck to it.

First. The problem with planning your life and future is that you have to mamke choices based on guessses. You have to make decsions, and apart from askig, making decisions is always an issue for me. When I’m not alone, it’s easier to make choices, because I make the ones I think the other petson will want. I never really defined what I want.

What do I want. What would an ideal future be?

I need about $2000 a month to live for now… but that’s probably low. I like to be comfortable enough to buy the food I like, rather than the food on sale. I like to eat out often, and I enjoy having a current cell phone.

I currently make a little to low. Not quite enough to pay for bills and food, but it hasn’t depressed me bec ause I got a lump sum inheritanmce last year that I am using to live.

Option 1: The hosting company I own is pretty good. It doesn;t upset me very ofgten, and it runs with a reasonable reliablility. It needs only a few more customers to meet the goal. If my hosting company could support me, it would be all I need. If it could support me, and anothyer person or two – it would be ideal. A web desgner and a sysadmin. I’d like a bit more confidence in teh quality of service I can offer, above and beyond my personal friendly phone suport.

I coniosdered buy somebody else out. Somebody small like me… 100 customers more and I’d be set. I’ll re-look intio thatr again. It might be the easiest.

pause

I’m Manic. I’m overloading

Mark the date…I detecete yet another reason to stop the bad drug I’ve toldm almost everyone I’ve already stopped, at least twice. Whiole high last weekend, I admitted it toi my best fruiend, but he and I will frequently ignore the firts few cries for help when it comes to drugs. Worst sponsor ever.

The point is, tonight I deteceted myself being faster, crazier and more scattered between ideas than before, and I strongly suspect that lasts forever and gets worse.

I have officiallyn passed the minimalm side effects level I was convincing myelf.

I am reminded of the scene in Requiem for a dream where the mother starts taking diet pills, which at that time in our culture, were speed.

—

There were several distractions that stopped this piece. It’s purpose was to state for my record this was a day I noticed the drug is making me super fast, like flash.

It might be very annoying to see.

I’ve hit the other side of the plataeu and it’s going to start to go down the far side now. I’m actually bored with the high. I can no longer watch 1 hour drama TV shows or movies. I have taken a short attention span, and stunted it, no lost some of it like a recieeding gum line, except brain instead of gums.

I need to be saved.

I hear what my therapist said. I hear what my friends say. I ever hear what strangers at the bus stop say to me. It’s not healthy to base your happiness on other people.

I hear that, but it’s proving to be a hard instinct to re-learn.

In my first session of therapy a few years ago, she asked me; “What makes you happy?””

To this day, I find it a hard question to answer, but it’s certainly centered around other people. Other people make me happy… and she wouldn’t accept that as an answer, or at least not one that didn’t need work. I needed to find what made me happy alone, by myself.

I maintain that for me, there is little happiness alone. Even if I was happy, I rely on the feedback of another to confirm it, and make me feel like it’s OK to be happy. Otherwise, I will instead re-live my memories of the past. My happiness comes when I get to see the smiles of another.

jeff run

So I shared. Baby steps.

I did it. I made a move and didn’t take it back. I shared some of my recent drug blogs. The ones I write when I’m wasted. It may be an importanmt note to mention I did not read any of them. They are the raw transcripts of my drug trip from one night in the past 2 months.

I just handed 8 of my friends close enough to trust with that. I get a bad feeling when I irritate or inconvenience so sharing is a big ask for me. It’s asking for a confirmation.

Am I crazy, or … well, I don’t need to be genius…

I don’t want to be famous.

I just want a few fans.

My writings come in a variety of styles, but when I’m writing on weed, they tend to be a continuous stream of my thoughts. I have learned to think at the speed of my fingers and write it out in words.

I live life like a DVD comentary. Multiple levels of thought. In my writings, I often include sie stories and behind the scenes secrets about what I was thinking at that moment. Becauise of the way I think, I have the greatest sucess when I can keep a minimum of two active thought process going. I listen to thye radio while I work as an example. Silnce is way to distracting.

—

I have had experience with this kind of a share respence before. It’s not the first time I’ve given somebody my writings with the hope of at l;east hgearing; No Jeff… you’re not crazy.

My memory has more “I liked it” responces than negative ones for recal… but the majority of people you shjare your work with, say nothing.

My brain imediatly creates a visual scenario cut scene. It stars the person I shared with, either aloine or with a friend. They speak… OMG. Jeff is asking me to read all his stuff now, and he writes a lot of ong stuff. fuck. What do I do?

This fictional adaptation my mind has provided is easy to believe as reality because it’s exactly what I’d probably do. It’s probably the right reaction. Only a crazy man gives …

ding

Another example… Joy brain is choosing the nagtive story. I convinced myself I was wrong, and only a crazy person would ask a friend to read their unfinished horrible experimental work. Tell me what you think of my poetry is considered a statement of torchure on some worlds.

Mid way through, joy delays and switches sides. Like a witness about to testify then sees a threat in the audience and then claims to have forgotten.

My fear of rejection and failure is so strong, it has made me regret sharing, because the opening day reviews may not give me the praise I crave, but crush me with the reality of failure.

My confident voice says; Bulshit. I hardly ever swear, so it’s dramtic. I am confident in my current position. I want to progress. I need to share. I need to learn.

I need to be crushed, and then get back up.

Pride needs a win.

The silince of the wait is hard. If they don’t have anything good to say,

Oh look, a zeppelin

Man yesterday was hot, wasn’t it?

End.

The cartoon of my head fight

Every now and then I take a moment, and get that fear coming back up from my deeper memories. Am I crazy? I write a lot, and I think I need to at times. If I was in a white room, I could concieve the occasional need to bleed and write things down on the wall. Necause my own pride is still in training, for the big deals, I still seem to need a seconder. Another opinion to confirm I’m not crazy. Every time.

I don’t like making any decsion without another person’s feedback.

Without that, the two sides of my brain ofetn discuss and debate. They stop time, often mid sentence, and set aside a moment to think.

edit. THis particular high is not right for writing. My ego shame vs pride are weak.

I have a high guilt count today. (Just invisioned me describing my thought process like a weatherman… then suddenly a weather girl. A hot weather girl….

ding

When I am writing the thought proceess live in a stream of thoughts, they come out with a voice, just like mine. It’s not difficult to see how repeated access to these imagry could start to create more distinction between the two side.

In my writings, they have evolved from the traditional red devil and white angel that writers have used in other writings. I retain the laziness from my youth, and show my A.D.D. pass to get away with it… I did not go look up the Wikipedia article on the origins of that, but I believe it to be familiar to most. I played with the names and symbols a lot in my writings. As I started to also discuss the negative and positive voices more, they grew into voices and I almost stayed with the ered voice and the white voice, or most recenmtlky the dfark voice and the white voice, but I’m not happy with that either….

Bad zeppelin… Ding.

I can easily see my two sides as characters. They even swap control like jeckle and hyde. All it takles is a little bit of weed, and the darker voice leads the stories.

I’m not sure I believe that to be true, apon second think. It’s more of a balance, but the weed lkets me see the influence much more clearly. My brain can actually feel it hapen, and often enough you see it in my face.

Happy Happy, Joy Joy. A new idea.

Except it’s not. Some times only the first hit is enough. Sometimes they fight back, bashing the pros and cons back and forth like a badminton … crap, I knew the funn.. shutlecock.

I chose badminton over any other back and forth because it is the funniest one to imagine. It is more dainty and fluffy. I went for the story most likley to get a visual in the reader. Pride point for the light side.

—

I’m really not happy with the quality of this piece. Knowing an audience exists makes me mor epicky. I am sad about that. The whole … no… some of the point of tyhis style is that it is genuine, true, and raw from my brain. Although you may be reading an edited version, there is a click link somewhere I’m sure, unless we went back to paper after an inncodent I am as of yet unaware of, let the apes taking over.

It is a fun mental practice to think about earth in 30,000 years.

—

I am however happy with the fact that I am writing, and it’s giving me enough joy and pride points that I continue, and this may be an area I progress in.

My own dating reality show

I have grown accustomed to knowing that my good ideas will be internally reviewed, and most likley rejected by the negative part of my brain. I know from experience that it will crush my joy. Because of this, I often don’t share my ideas, even if they’re just silly fantasies, like this one.

I have often said that I am a reactionist. I have modeled my life after being taken care of. I wait till people tell me what to do or talk to me. I don’t function very well without an immiiate objective, and never have. When I was a kid, it wasn’t yet named or discovered. I was just a failure.

There are a lot of stories in my journals and memories to tell about how awkward I am, and that I basically pretty much avoided the whole sex experience. Whether it be by choice or by default is still to be determined. As noted, I’ve lived a life we used to call lazy, but later discovered it was a recognisable trait in those with similar brain types to me. We are creatures of the NOW.

–sidebar: I notice I am typing slower. I shared several of my pices this week with 7 select friends. They were extreme examples of how my near-cray brain thinks, transcribed at the speed of my fingers. They were filled with errors and tangents and open ended story cliffhangers. I have no way of concieving how these will be interpretted by an outside voice. In my head, I shine with pride as I read some of my passages. I am confident in my style overall, but I understand this style of thought-to-text is a new way of writing. Is it an art form? Could it be “a thing”? It’s pretty amazing what becomes a thing these days. It’d be easy enough to believe that only a few people and companies have the power to make anything “a thing” on the Internet. We named them memes but lots of people attain instant fame online, in different degrees. It terrifies me.

I don’t want to be famnous.

I just want a few fans.

That is the beauty of the Internet, and it’s perhaps my most fascinating imagination scenarios. I’ve been bold to make a few predictioons in my growth as a computer geek. Some were fails, like saying I didn’t really think spam would be a problem, but I did predict the idea of hand held full computers that shared data with your desktop. In fact, I predicted the next generation of computers I think. We’ll see.

—

ding

I return to the content of this writing. It has occurred to me, that one possible avenue would be to sell my story as a reality TV show. My near virgin status and inability to talk to women before they talk to me.

I need to learn to ask.

Period… because it’s pretty amazing how long I’ve lived without really asking for very much at all. I am the answer guy. I’m at home being the one people turn to for answers or solutions. It is my greatest joy, to be the reason for the smile on their face.

In a ying yang universe, I am equally crushed emotionally by being the one who fails. My own personal hell is to be subjected to the faces of the people I dissapoint, and then somebody starts yelling. I am emotionally stabbed by how I’ve inconvenienced you.

Creating a life and lifestyle of support, I was able to feed my addiction for smiles, and get praise as well. My childhood dream had come true. I was making smiles for a living, 9 times out of 10.

I lived a happy life without dating or sex. Every year made it harder. Every year made it easier.

At 50, I was faced with living alone for the first time in my life. There would be no roomate, no girlfriend, no couple upstairs. I was alone. A co-dependant man of 50 with an inability to take care of himself. I only react. I won’t wash if nobody tells me to.

Let me be clear that I have evolved continually since the day a co worker gave me a book about A.D.D. probably about age 25. The case studies in that book were retellings from my own experiences. All my failures were common, and to some extent, explainable as not being my fault, and living up to my potential was because of this different chemestry.

Mind blown.

Life Changed

However, I had still not dated. I had one dance in high school and I remember it. My first dance. It was with the sister of my best friend. I suppose I could tell the story as a pitty dance, but I prefer to tell it as… ummm… no. Pitty dance is poling higher as the better answer. Point awarded to the dark thoughts.

—

I stop when I type something like the above. Point to the dark thoughts means something to me, but I can’t make up my mind whether sharing it here without explanation is bad form. I keep reminding myself that, although there is freedom in writing to break whatever rules or guidelines for writing. It was my intention to refer to it in other contexts until the reader learsn what I mean. Is it acceptable to expect the reader to …

This is an example of a discussion between the dark negative thoughts of my brain, and the light happy positive thoughts. Because I live and write alone, my only sounding board is the other voice in my head, so naturally when I say; do i look fat in this dress, the answer will be negative. I don’t want to appear crazy too early, and I fear I may be. My mother told me once, If you’re asking whether you’re crazy or not, you’re still ok. It’s one that stuck with me as a good rule. Always question my sanity.

—

So here I am at 52. I look younger I believe, and if I allow myself to die away some gray, I’d look younger I think. I’ve had some therapy that heled me greatly, and I have a new found beginner level of confidence replacing some deeply held esteme issues.

I know and can say with confidence that I am a great choice. Sadly, the truth is I still have difficulty saying it, even if I believe it fully. I still shy away from the ask.

I need to create scenarios where I am reacting to the universe, and it provides an opening line for us. I strongly believe many others are in the same posution. The fear of rejection is stronmg with many. I’m still uncertain whether it just doesn’t exist in the worlds of those with confidence…

I think there are many great ideas in the industry of providing opening lines to couples, be in in the bar, club, online or anywhere else.

My motto, or affirmation you might say needs adjutement because it is simultaniously a god thing and a bad thing, and the negative thoughts can use this power for evil, instead of good. I wish I could remember the actual batman quiote.

I write my own story, both for public and personal.

If I believe it, it is so.

My story can replace reality

The only thing it takes to change your universe

is to change the way you tell your stories

—

I apologize. My mind wanders because it is conditioned to change the topic when sex is being discussed. Like an alcoholic might not want to watch you drink, I’m equally inexperienced in the fantasy of sex, or …

blah.

In general, my mind has passed the moment, and although I still think I’d make good TV, I fear it may be more laughing AT me than with me.

—

I change at glacial speeds

I am working on change. I am melting the ice myself rather tan waiting for the sun to rise tomorrow.

** I thought, just for a second that this is 2016, and I can now say “I literally change at glacial speeds” and Meridian or Oxford say it’s good. You can still ridicule me if you like, but language has always grown and those who oppose a word today are he same as every generation of conservatives.

Change? Noooooo! Will I lose my slaves? It’s going to take a long time to get over that anger at change.

Sorry… almost ranted into political stuff…

The end.

Honest check point.

Sniffed both nostrils, wake up bump of Tina. Productive time maybe.

Faster heartbeat than usual.

I’ve been having trouble reaching the top of my inhales.

It takes a long time to come back.

It’s 5am. I spent much of the evening chatting with 21

After I broke up with her. She new my weakness. I’ll back down.

Mixed feelings.

Might need outside… No, it’s got to end. Before it ends bad. Maury bad.

End

7am. Took a K pill. Half capsule. No clue if effects till 8 or 9sm. This is a work day.

Body Swap

I used to wish I could read the mind, and understand animals.

Now I wish I could understand humans.

I take a certain amount of pride in being a good support person, both professionally and socially. Even romantically. One of my secrets is my imagination has confidence enough to see both sides, or multiple sides to a story. I understand the emotion of choice, and I believe I evaluate situations differently because I try to not assume I’m right.

I have been able to understand some mental illness because I’ve experienced moments of them all while obsessing scenarios under different drugs. I have observed behaviours in myself that u use to feel both sides.

I have never had confidence in myself fully until recently. I have never fully been able to emulate or simulate the mind of a confident brain. I know a few. They’ve done well.

I hired one I knew had the stuff. He became a well paid president in multiple countries. I didn’t get him. It was like a magic superpower I couldn’t find in my universe.

Sometimes, it would be near to body swap. To role play and take on the personal of a confident version of me, but better looking and with confidence.

I did. Literally.

I body swapped. I wore the suit of a handsome, charming, great confident guy, named orange Jeff. He wears orange. It’s the superhero colour.

In the orange Jeff suit, I entered an alternate universe very similar to our own. I went to dance clubs and concerts and spoke to women. For me, a new experience. Like cold calling clients, I’m not experienced at starting g conversations with women. In this universe, in the attractive Jeff skin, I could.

I suppose you don’t fear the reaction and rejection if it’s a mask.

Whatever the reason, I was able to do it, and with each connection I made, most with cool people I liked, it became easier and my prude and confidence levered up. With each successful second date, I was actually joyous at how much fun being confident was.

I am a cool, fun to be with, loyal friend.

The hardest part now, is the transition to affection, touch and more. My experience is being the best friend I can be.

As it happens, the confident Jeff in the alternative universe just happens to come with knowledge of 200+ sexual positions. I managed to end up in bed on a number of dates.

Level up.

I am talking about Second Life. A life changing virtual world inside any online computer where you get to create your own avatar and live in the alternative universe. When I talk about writing your own story, I could not think of a better way.

Second Life is created by the people. You can quote literally be and do anything you can imagine. You write your own story.

I am orange Jeff, and I like me. I talk to new women with the confidence it usually takes a year of friendship.

I am impressive

I believe it

So it is my reality.

The obvious next step is to try my Jeff skin techniques in the real world, but that’s a big step, so I used a second personality first. I put on another Jeff suit. Stoned Jeff is a separate identity from public me. They don’t talk much.

Stoned Jeff has confidence too, close to confident avatar Jeff. I went on a date with an online contact, and we spent a day together high. It was a blast. So many first in moments as we laughed, touched, shared and learned. I wanted it again.

Then, equally new for me, I had the confidence to ask for a second date. They are always great because you’re pre approved. The second date is like a sequel. I don’t have to waste any time telling g my original story.

I dated a second woman too. Even better. I’m learning what I like. I’m learning how to react. I’m evolving. I’m loving it.

I may do one or two more dates with drugs, and then introduce real Jeff to the world.

It’s exciting. I’m not afraid to fail

But I’m no longer starting on the assumption I will

That is huge.

End of this part.

Clam dammer

Any moment in time can be the start of a new story.

All it takes to change your universe is to change the way you tell the stories.

Best story wins

Best storyteller wins

Note. Attention readers. Save point

I tell you now with clarity. If you master how to tell your stories, your life will change.

Opinion stated as fact: people respect the story tellers. Religion called them sermons.

My church calls them stories.

Everything in the universe exists only in the stories we tell.

OR the stories we’re told.

All it takes to change the universe, is to change the stories.

The Best Story wins, and in every way that matters, replaces the universe. Everything up to this moment, exists only in the stories we tell.

If we’re told it’s Santa Claus by own parents then we believe it. There is no reason to doubt, especially since believing ultimately means more gifts every Christmas, and a moral compass that prevents them from risks that could damage their reputation and image in the eyes of those I respect.

I believe a lot of crime today is a direct result of people without a Santa Claus replacement. No symbol to be good for. A symbol you care about losing respect.

Anyone can be your Santa Claus. All you have to do is care what they think. Be good for goodness sake, because Santa knows.

I’ve got several Santa Clauses now and they keep me from being much worse. It is only recently become noticeable in disruption of my previously pride worthy work.

The End.

I’ve been reconsidering. I needed to reframe the crazy old man visual imagery because it wasn’t a right fit.

I’m merely thinking out loud, with a brain that needs two streams of attention to function, so I use the background task to focus on guilt and how horrible these ideas are.

I’m fighting that.

I hold to the believe that my writings are I of value, and even if my style of wording and grammar are… My brain wants to settle for the lowest bar. The bronze participation badge.

I bel;I’ve I am memory using a faster method for the kind of spiralling a continuous monolgue of thought

Argh. The auto correct settings are all wrong. It’s rewriting whole words. I hope that doesn’t destroy the flow.

I write as if I were saying these words, and in fact, my tying fingers often pause in the same way I would if speaking.

I think at the speed of my keys.

Moment has passed. Conclusion. I am sporting out ideas and references and hyperlink to previous writings. It seems crazy from a 2D perspective.

That’s why I need to pay an editor.

I should watch Lost IN Translation again.

(Jeff grins. His memory is suddenly flood with the memories of that movie, and I believe Gweneth Patrol… Now my memory is mixed. Moment spoiled.

Flood like the flash flood ride at Universal Studios.

A memory moment. A classic story reshaped with each new generation.

Unless it’s gone now.

The memory lives on and replaces the reality.

Pledge. I want to (a) seriously consider Uber and (b) Research hiring a book writer and editor.

Hire people to monetize Frogstar. Com

Get fucked

The end.

Blackout

  I’m Jeff Goebel, and this is an Orange Shirt Blog. Haaaave you met Jeff?

I have done an excellent job refraining a new drug addiction into a positive. My objective was clear before my decision to cross over a personal line I’d set, and try some of the bad drugs.

So now, with almost no significant drugs left off my check list, I can end that story. None solved my problems. Several made them worse, but a new drug addiction allowed myself to watch a decline, and cross another line equally new to me… To be OK with letting people down. I learned to be OK with not giving the person in front of me, my best.

I convinced myself that I could get away with a little less quality concrete level support.

I considered being a high end concierge at one point. A job where I am paid to remember who to be for everyone in the building to make them most comfortable with me, and assist them in just the right way to retain respect for both parties.

A good concerning is a respected man. He gets things done. He is a fixer, a pimp, a dealer and a link to the back room poker game every Tuesday behind the meeat freezer at Moe’s.

Concierge

Orange Shirt Concierge

Life long support. One number. One voice for as long as you have a need.

The last year’s are the hardest. I won’t prepared wit how I’d react Tom my 20 year friends all turn old and get sick or die… Or worse, start losing faculty but still clinging to the love and freedom of a full sized computer.

One of the first clients I ever quit, was such an example. He would hire me to come train him on some specific software questions and processes. We’d take notes and review… But I knew two weeks later he’d hire me to come explain it again, and do I have any hooks to remember like lefty loose, tighty righty.

I am ready. I want to tell my story. I want to spend my money on a book… As useless as some may think that is, in my head it is a double bonus score #pridepoint because it’s a sharing of ideas, and a save game point, and level up.

A book. Then I could, conceivably book a world speaking tour. That would be a blast.

My therapist would be upset to know I have rewritten one of our stories to better fit my own. I tell the story as I now remember it. She said to me one day,; “You know Jeff, I’ve been thinking. These life goals you have to attain inner peace and bliss, are actually hard. You’ll probably hate every one of them.

Now she insists that she did no such thing, but since I get to tell the story, my version replaces reality.

I think about those words now, and it has inspired me to hold out for the income that comes with the least amount of work.

I found it.. Support. I operate in power save idle mode until something forces me to react. My standby mode often has TV as the screensaver.

Brain edit: I wasn’t happy with that ending. It worked as a visual inside my head, but it’s probably… Ding. Negative voice is blocked. Stop the negative thought process.

Oh look, A zeppelin.

The worst drug in modern culture, just happens to be the one that helped me the most. Just my luck.

(A song appears in my head. Isn’t it Ironic, by Canadian Alanis Morissette. I remember that smart people who like to be right in public pointed out that all her lyric examples were not Ironic at all, which was Ironic.

I also remember there was an amazing YouTube video parody where the lyrics were modified to make each verse an actual example of irony.

Post it note: Look up and share that parody. It deserves a fresh coat of paint in my “other stories Io refer to” memories.

The moment.

My second brain decades loudly inside my head; “Well… That’s it for me. I’m losing mental acuity. I’m not even certain that is the correct usage anymore.

Sudden flash memory of Niles Craig, from the Fraser show.

I am using other people’s stories to help explain who I am. I’m part Shadow Cooper, part…

Negative thought process detected and aborted.

Oh look, A zeppelin.

Blackout.

Another moment. I no longer have full pride in my writing, and second brain tract is restless. Expect mini blackouts tonight and increasingly forevermore.

A side effect with working on your own universe from inside of it, is that

I honestly don’t know what the end of that sentence was supposed to be. I reframed a memory operable as my brain throwing it back for a repaint and modify a few parts.

You have complete control over how you tell all your stories. If you get a flat tires on the way to Vegas, but then win $5,000 does your story lead with the awful inconvenience with the tires? You control how you tell the story.

It’s surprisingly easy to reframe many things, and retell the story with a positive slant. Hope. Trust. Respect.

PLUR.. An old rave term that applies a little less now that alcohol is in the rave scene, but peace love unity and respect.

Opinion stated as fact: The world would be a totally different place if everyone had a really nice ecstacy trip one day.

I see what I did there. I phrased it as an absolute. The world Will be different, but nobody could predict how everyone would react. The perception of the reader images their own bias. My mother would have heard the world will be different, and assumed famine, poverty, pollution, crime… A Blvd Runner Future. My father would have said; For sure. Just imagine what wonderful new things we’ll kick ourselves for not figuring out last generation.

It must have been hard in the early days, when believing in the origin story of your church was the norm, but there must have been a point in many of the congregation figured it out. Oooooooh… It’s a book of stories to show us how to behave. Fables retold for centuries about some of the questions kids and adults eventually ask. Why is the sky blue?

The Bible was merely a BEST OF HOLIDAY release compilation book. Each of the main characters tell their stories separately, and then they bind them together and put it on sale as an essential storybook to pass on to generations. As long as children have an answer, they’ll accept it.

Santa Clause made perfect sense, up until the day it didn’t.

For many children, they transitioned from Santa to Jesus. Same skill set. He knew if you’d been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.

Then one day, they stop believing in Jesus too… Although religion dictates they don’t flinch. Strawberry socials! You can grind your teeth every time you say Jesus Christmas is my Lord and Saviour, or do that wallet watch, spectacles testicles Catholic respect to the cross.

I can see (in my head) the scene in the final edits. 12 books or however many there are, each written by diferent men. The editors say, we need something central that binds these all together and instead of bestselling stories, we call it the truth, and sell the world on a religious story as fact.

That’s their story,, and their sticking to it.

2000 years into the lie, it’s hard to admit it was a lie without destroying all the lovely benefits of church and community.

It’s easier to continue on with the lie, except of course for the hate and need to crush the non believers will, or heart.

I want to create a church without a religion. Everything is the same as a church, except the stories we tell are presented as stories, not as absolute truth.

We have grown to the point where we understand there are things we do not yet know.

My favorite scene to illustrate this is [nerd alert] from Star Trek Voyager when Jane way interacts with a x computer created facsimile of Leonard Divinci. He struggles with the concept of self awareness, and accepts that only a fool would deny there are concepts not only hard to believe, but hard to comprehend.

She likens it to a bird’s awareness of the stock market. Note: I feel obligated to mention that is not the actual way the episode played out, but it’s the way I tell the story, and for most who hear it, it replaces reality

A Solid Story Replaces REALITY

—

I have very missed feelings about so many things that have happened, and that I’m hopeful are going to happen forward.

Negative voice chimes in; you know that isn’t even the tech time you’d written words to that effect.

My brain come up with the ideas. In a perfect world, I would then share them with the “get things done” people and get things done.

I did the hard part. Somebody else does the hard work.

I have mixed emotions about this writing, and ones like it. On the right side of my paper, I list The good stories. The positives that have come from this exp[evidential new direction.

I have pride at the ideas, and terror that I am a crazy old man spurting out ideas like Doc Brown with a noodle strainer on his head discovering time travel.

I want to believe they are as good as my now high and confident brain believes they are. I am, an idea machine. A different perspective and way of seeing both the positive and negative to a story, is a tool. And a curse. When you imagine a negative story for all those decisions it’s hard not be lose a little internal trust.

I believe Trust is the facto that determines health in this game. Each time we lose a little trust, we die a little. When you lose all trust, you can’t survive and you go crazy.

OR… You become a story teller. I want to tour the word, teaching people the power of the way you tell your stories.

In life, the winners are the ones with the best story.

Always.

There was a great recurring quote in the Marigold Hotel movie.

Everything will be fine in the end.

If it is not fine, then it is not the end.

Fantastic quote. Reframe. There is no such thing as losing. Losing is a man made idea. Every attempt is a story, whether you win O lose.

When you think about it, a trip to ee a live sporting event isn’t about who wins and who loses. It’s about the stories. The memories. The experience.

The winner is only a minor role in the story, and if you tell it right, who won doesn’t change the rest of the stories.

—

Scattered… My mind has too many open thoughts now. It’s like 15 calls on hold. Muzak is playing the Axel F theme song in my brain as I review and shut down the weak ones.

A moment. Exhaustion.

The moment where negative voice awakes from the drugging, and reminds me…

Oh well. I’ve forgotten.

End of this part.

Blackout

Curtain

Applause and a few rLOL

Never again… oh… mmm.. more.

I tried a bit more GHB this time… not sure how much, and I know that’s a dangerous thing tyo play with. What can I say, I’m reckless high and alone.

3 types of people

An iPad is placed on a table with three people behind it. All three of are aware of what an iPad is but have never touched one.

One, picks it up starts pressing buttons. They discover the camera and start playing with apps and games.

The second person seems neutral. They claim to be interested, but by no means an expert. They’d like to try the ipad if somebody would show them how and be patient. They may or may not swear a lot.

The third says no thank you and for whatever reason, real or imagined, is against change and feels confident they don’t need to learn a new thing.

If asked, you could probably guess at an age group for each example,altnough certainly not an absolute. At times, we’ve probably been a different one in different situations.

You might even be a voter along those lines. We are always lead to believe it’s a close race.

Peak. End.

Why I fear pain

I’m going to say things that may paint me as arrogant and ignorant, but I’m going to say I hate pain more than the next person.

There. I said it. I hate pain, a lot. It changes, y whole universe in a way most of you will not be able to comprehend… At least in my head.

Note. Possible title. At least in my head

Side note. I have not been the same since my nausea.

Recently I became spontaneously disabled. I have no origin story for this ailment. I just noticed one morning, I couldn’t raise my left arm at the shoulder to shampoo my hair. I remember refraining it immediately to be something minor based on my poor sleep Friday and Saturday and Sunday and Monday. Weather occasionally would give me some stiff neck pains overnight.

Note. Long pause. Loud stomach. Guilt and sadness enter my minds arena. Attention diverted. Am I sick?

Today I got the news I did not have a stroke, which was relieving, but that it’s a bone thing. A rotator cuff, which I have yet to research, but many Facebook friends have expressed experience either personally, or once removed.

Tonight, as I tossed and turned, and got a little high, I hurt it. More.

It has hurt for every might because I toss and turn and fall asleep on either one should or the other.

The light bulb moment was when I turned to my phone, resting bedside. I assumed a position putting my shoulder reasonably hard into the mattress to hold all my weight, as I read and replied to incoming texts.

I had irritated my own old, poorly healed should injury from over 5 years ago.

At that moment, dealing with this discovery and simultaneously dealing with pain, I figured it out. How pain breaks me.

It takes control of my subtext. My second thought stream. O have often written how I believe my brain works on two or more streams of thought. I’ve called it my two brains or my two voices.

I discovered the secret to leading a life closer to my ideal, was to plan for that, and always try to have something for each to focus on. I am more active, for example, with one track listening to zhoeard astern whole I work, and my job. Or TV. Or music. Or even, in rare cases a game.

Most commonly, Facebook or social media.

Of I’m working on two things at once, then both brains are attended to.

Two things go wrong.

One, either side can get an idea, or remember something, and in that moment of excitement, explode with joy and take over the whole brain. Whatever the other one was thinking, no longer exists. Quite often, with no memory trace.

I point out, it’s not absolute. I don’t suddenly forget I’m driving a car for example, but I have certainly been caught forgetting what I was talking, or typing about. More so if a bit high.

The other issue, equally damaging is when one thought stream ends, or just loses interest, and goes wandering through my memory or what’s going on in front. If one brain gets bored, it’ll seek out an idea to focus on. Quite often it’s something good, and it reverts to reason 1.

In my head, I invasion the cartoon of the two channels of my brain. One is writing this piece on my tablet. One gets bored like myself in childhood and looks around for something to focus on. I notice things. I see the carpet, the paintings on the wall, the frames, and maybe even the signature.

I see the feet of the people around me at first, and then everything else. It chooses a memory of the Porn you watched earlier. Madison Ivy.

What were we talking about again?

Ph yes. Pain.

If I dedicate one entire 24/7 channel to mental state and pain, I literally lose half myself. I lose my second voice, which is the thing that balances me out. My filter, and conscience.

I change. I react less. I complain. In my head at least I am not fun to be with, and I lose my smile.

Without smiles, I have no energy. No incentive. No rewards.

No pride points.

This happens from time to time with any pain. It’s like a fire alarm so loud, you can’t hear anybody talking. You can’t work.

Most times, it passes, or you know it will.

For the first time in over 30 years, I live alone. I have nobody else to keep at least one brain entertained. Both are free to focus on the pain.

I shut down.

I am sad.

Terrified.

Alone.

It’s is 327 am. My shoulder is feeling better now that I have been sitting up for 20 minutes of writing. Maybe I will find sleep now.

The end.

Which is less irritating?

Not all my decisions are guided by this sort parameter, but there ares you might never suspect. In my head at least, I still find myself still in that persona, where I strive to be invisible, and the least intrusive or irritating as possible.

Just now, I took my stride down the length of the apartment to the farthest wall, and opened the fridge. It is 2:51am.

I reached for a bottle of water, bought from the gas station at the second possible highest price I’ve ever paid for this water. I do this often, to save time. They call them convince stores for good reason.

Some weeks previous, I had gone through a 24 pack or 3,bought at Walmart or No Frills for a reasonable price, or a few cases from when they go on crazy sale for a week.

I would occasionally run out, and switch to tap water. It’s almost as tasty but not if I try and fridge store it in leftover bottles.

I return to the question that pops into my head.

Which is less irritating at 3am to the people who live above me, and the guy next wall over. The sound of the fridge opening, and turning on the motor everyone, or me running water and draining. My brain actually has to choose.

I see what you did there, in my head

On an odd way, the it was a sad day when they recently exposed dating sites standard practice of having a lot of fake profiles in order to attract males with stop money. They named names. Several dating sites that shared ownership. The one the media went with was the best story.

Ashley Madison. The big story about leaked names blew away the more important point. You may not get responses from the mannequins in the windows. You don’t know if the “400 women online’ are really 34, and only 5 from your area code, which might be acceptable if I knew which ones were real, and didn’t have to send 364 messages with no responses first.

For me, the rejection feeling of silence is taken as a fail. No pride.

The secret you’re not supposed to know, is that men ping…. Men like knowing some profiles are fake. It eases that rejection feeling.

I tell my own stories.

Why wouldn’t I want them to be great.

When all else fails

Salvage a great story, and turn it into a win

It’s easier than you think.

Reframing

If I send 20 messages to 20 women and none reply, I need to believe I am not that big a loser.

In other people’s stories, we’ve seen men rudely throw blame around. Statements like ‘well then she must be gay” as a comfort to such rejection.

The bigger your ego, or confidence is, the bigger the hit when she says no.

Luckily I’m still very new with my self confidence, but I’m not the person to call someone gay because they didn’t like me. Instead, I am comforted by the assumption these profiles are all fake.

No hits to my confidence, but now I have to decide, do I walk away, or do I broaden my search parameter, others referred to as, lowering my standards.

Is it wrong to be specific in my quest, or say hi to everyone and see which of the plenty if fish bites

Then, hope nor to screw it up on the reply.

I’m putting myself out there more in my head than in reality, but compared to the past, the glaciers are melting much faster thus year.

I have always said, I change at glacial speeds.

Another proof of Goebel warning

The emergency room

There are a few places in life people need to wait. Some lines you can avoid, or do without. Some lines you can schedule and return at less busy times.

It’s hard to avoid the waiting room at a hospital. I suppose the rich can pay for better treatment in some cases, but I like to believe we’re all fairly equal in the emergency room.

That’s nor to say people are treated in priority, giving aid to the bleeding or unconscious first, but in the room I find myself in today, we’re all just sitting here watching the time pass by, each dealing with the hours in our own way.

The family with an impatient child is to my right. He either cries, runs around, or screams in joy but he never stays quiet. His parents react as if this is clearly the norm for him. They’ve gotten over the embarrassing stage and the need to apologize. It’s just the way it is.

Another man to my left is asleep. He hasn’t moved much for a while, but I’m confident he’s still alive. Up until recently I thought he was just resting with closed eyes trying to block out everything else. I myself have trued that technique for as long as I could. Recently however he’s transitioned to the new phase of sleep where his chair sprawl has gone more wide. I hope he doesn’t miss his name when they finally call.

Two separate people are playing games with the sound on, although low. The older boy beeps with a schedule that makes me think it’s a match game, but not Candy Crush. I know those tones and tines well. The younger boy is playing some farm game. His phone makes oink oink, cluck cluck barn sounds with irregular frequency.

The mother, daughter duo to my immediate left are discussing how theur life will change if she’s told she can’t eat junk food anymore. She asks her. Mother if she’s ever even tried Kale. Apparently everyone is talking about kale now.

For an emergency room, nobody seems to have any visible emergencies. We all sit together and wait our turn. The names are called out slowly. In the two or more hours I’ve been here, only a few have moved.

I suspect there are different areas for different levels of emergency. I’m in the O Zone waiting area, sponsored by John Vince bulk foods. Clearly a lower priority emergency room waiting area.

Finally, after just over 2 hours, I get to go sit and wait in my own room. I don’t know if it’ll be another hour, or a shirt wait, but it’s certainly less fun to be alone. This place is new… But not like my diction office. There are no gruesome pictures of lungs or intestinal tracts on the walls. It’s just me, a chair and a bed… And a basket of soiled linen next to the chair which might have a slight odour.

I wait.

My visit today is one of the irritating ones both for me and the staff. I’ve got one of these mystery ailments that wasn’t in the text books. That means more tests and guesses. I made the mistake earlier of comparing the doctors diagnosis with my own work with computers.

“I know it’s not the same”, I started, “but I know the frustration of these cases when you have to use experience to figure out what’s wrong. I have similar issues when I am diagnosing computer problems. There is always that case that doesn’t quite match your training.”

It seemed like I may have upset him comparing his years of dedicated schooling about the human body, to my experiences troubleshooting Windows 98 crash issues.

“nobody dies when I get it wrong. “

I went to far with that one. We didn’t speak again. He sent me here, to the hospital. I don’t have that luxury I thought. If I can’t figure out why you’re getting a blue screen of death, then you keep getting it. If I send you to somebody else, they’ll reformat your machine and start over.

Lucky doctor I thought.

Not really. I would certainly have preferred he knew the answer. Now I sit and wait for hour 3, fully aware that these new eyes may be equally stumped and need to hand me off yet again to another line in another building.

At least I’m away from the screaming baby.

The new face arrived shortly after and proceeded with some of the same basic tests I’d been subjected to twice already, but that was to be expected. I was happy he agreed with me more than the first doctor. I probably didn’t have a stroke.

As a computer service guy, I made it a personal policy of mine, and those I had working for me not to badmouth those who came before. I never trash talked whatever the previous support person dud, whether it be a friend, another IT specialist, or a blue shirt at Best Buy.

It was nice to see this doctor had the same policy although his face told a slightly different story. Almost a discust for whatever doctor had come before having told me I might have a mild stroke.

First if all, he said, if this was a stroke, it would have been a full on stroke, nothing mini. If you can’t move your arm, that’s not mini – – and you certainly would have at least one symptom.

I had full strength in both arms and all my faculties. They asked of I knew my name, and the date and a few other questions. I was hoping they’d ask who the president was, like on TV. I wanted to answer; Donald Trump… Oh no. I have lost my mind.

I didn’t get the chance, especially since this is Canada, but I had to make the joke anyway. It was funny to me, so I said it anyway, but with a laugh to make it clear I wasn’t delusional.

After we established it was probably just a normal shoulder injury, most likely created by sleeping position, weather, and my old shoulder injury, I was walked to the MRI machine for the confirmation.

The nice technician helping me on this portion of my journey was surprised to hear I was looking forward to this procedure. “I don’t hear that very often” she said. I explained that it’s a new story. Lots of people see these things on TV but few get to experience it.

I made a few traditional jokes about metal and the terrors of TV episodes, and emptied my pockets like at the airport.

“Luckily my teeth are all plastic now. They used to contain a lot of metal.”

She reacted professionally with a smile, despite probably having heard most of the same jokes a hundred times before.

Following this, I walked down to the next room and got the x rays. No. Lines or waiting at either of these stations. Then, back to station one for some blood letting and then full circle back to the waiting room.

I’m not sure what comes next. I assume I’m waiting for results to be examined, and then one of the four doctors or nurses, or perhaps a new one will consult with me and send me on my way with some instructions.

Hour 4… I’m not certain why I have to wait just for them to tell me I can leave.

Maybe if I was rich.

Waiting….

One last unneeded test and one more sit in the waiting room, but I’m told it’s all ok. Some physiology therapy and I should heal.

Only 5 hours.

Accept Disappointment Naturally

I think it’s quite likely that the reason I am who I am because I accept disappointment naturally. When someone else fails me , it doesn’t disappoint me the way the others do. I accept the failure and move on without emotional drama. I think this is what people may call it going.

Don’t get me wrong. I can still hate it and get frustrated when somebody cancels a plan at the last minute, or changes the plan drastically. I hide my anger and move on. At least, I believe I do. It is a choice to accept Disappointment naturally as an expected outcome. It happened. Making the person feel bad about it doesn’t resolve or help anyone.

I admit it may count as a point in my mental scoreboard, and never be forgotten, but I try my best to not cause hard feelings. In truth, I know what it’s like to have to change plans, and I give them the respect of assumption that the reason was valid, and they feel at least somewhat bad for the inconvenience. Nothing beyond “I’m sorry” is required, and I reply; “No worries” or “No prooooblem”.

If you do it often, I simply change my mental preparedness to assume change or failure. I lose a few respect points for that person, and then accept it as a part of who they are. A fair percentage of my circle of friends have issues with mental health, myself included of course.

I don’t like to fight. I don’t like unnecessary drama, and I especially hate making people uncomfortable or inconvenienced. It goes against my core.

Conversely, I am extra pleased when things work out as expected and my friends or clients retain full respect. My father had a time obcession and it a proud tradition I inherited. Being on time is the easiest way to be respectful. A good lesson I am sad, when I there’s clearly don’t, as standard practice. I’m sure we all have at least one contact you know will be late. For anything. To me, it’s a huge sign of disrespect, but it’s a part of who they are, and so I adapt and move on.

In cases like that, I certainly make my views known once ir twice, but not ever time. I never like to match tardy Rep to nag rap.

That sentence distracted me. It’s not perfect. /edit note

I spent a few hours today with my most outstanding friend. We boarded on deep conversation on this visit, and it was one of best visits. We are as opposite as could be, but it works, at least in shirt spurts. An amazing women who has had control of her own destiny for, it seems a bit like ever.

CKC

I met Star via a voice ad, and despite being a city away, she buses to Toronto to spend an activity day together. I don’t remember how long we’d chatted on the phone, but I do remember that this was, as is my story, not a real date, but a friend date, eve before meeting. I visually remember seeing her imerge from the subway below ground, see me, and before the highest of welcome, she says, oh yeah, we won’t be having sex, but with the inflection this was a design reached at that moment, not as a prepared date prefix statement.

The rule was set. Yet another no touch best friend.

C was, and still is an odd one. Even among my group of misfit friends, she stood out. She had a freedom about her, and it was clear she’d lived a somewhat sheltered life, except without realizing it. She saw her universe without awareness of how others saw her in theur universe, and it was her superpower.

At least that’s the way I interpreted it, because I live in everyone else’s universe full time, and it can be exhausting, but certainly very limiting.

My friend D has similar powers I don’t process, but C’s sometimes shocking in awareness of personal space, combined with her self confidence that pre assumed you’ll like her, she was a fascinating perspective to watch.

I was constantly shocked at how she existed with people. She just talked to anyone and everyone as if she knew them for years. The kind of conversation you might have with your next door neighbour, she would have with the people in line ordering a burger.

It was jarring, and my empathic imagination and ability to attribute body language and micro expressions to negative feelings, I was often terrified, and so sad for her audience or victims. I had to look away as she’d ask a lady in the store trying on hats what she thought of this book she’d just read about the hats used by African school teachers… Or some similar topic much deeper or personal than conventional conversation with a stranger. Many were so startled, I sensed fear.

D decided he couldn’t be around her when she touched a strangers hair as we stood in line for food. She just reached out and startled fondling some very smooth hair.

Now in hindsight, years later I see she may have been closer to accepted norm that I was. My terror of inconvenience keeps me reasonably silent to strangers, although I will often speak in support, or to go for a punchline. Those choices only get through my don’t interrupt rule.

…

Moro gone,. The end

Jeff run

The Sadness

I’ve told people I’ve quit drugs. I’ve been off since Tuesday of last week. It’s not true of course, but it’s close. I have not destroyed my hard drugs as I’ve told people. They are near, always calling to me. Always an option for the future I must use will power to avoid and go back to.

The sadness is still here. I’ve tried a bit of heroin, but it did nothing for me – so I did actually destroy the rest. My body seems, if not immune, certainly a dangherous area where I need more, or longer for them to take effect. THis has always been the way with opiates. Percs had no effect… I never tried OXY… but Codine and pretty much any of the pain relivers the dentists and feet doctoirs use didn’t work on me. Many times I’ve told the stories of the doctors and dentists that igniored my story. I need more I’d say.. or longer… but then they’d insert the knife or the scalpel and it wouldhurt. They’d seem surprised.

So it’s certainly better than I won’t get hooked on Heroin. I’m oddly glad I tried it and failed. It would have been hard to have NOT tried it before I decided to quit things. In my quest for answers and a solution to my problems, I tested all the others. They all gave me a diffgerent persoective and a diferent way of writing and thinking, but none gave me what I needed. Noen made me make the changes I need.

Sadly.

It means it’s up to me again. I have to do it myself… or… not do it at all. I ask myself now, is this enough? Should I cal it quits? Should I give life the Jeff run, and leave the party early? I’m not sure I have other ideas. I’ve tried a lot oif diferent things, or I think I have… maybe I have not.

Maybe I’ve tried nothing much at all. I just sit here in my head doing the same things over and over… or nothing over and over.

I can be happy… nay, I am happy when I am with friends, but when I am alone, I am not. I crave people, and at the same time, feel guilty for my needyness. I want their attention full time, but settle for Saturday adventuires, or one day a month, or a few days a year… or a Facebook message. I’ll take whatever you’ll give me, but I’ll feel guilty if it’s more than the minimum.

Once a month I organize Fajita night. Friends come and I feed off their smiles for the evening like an alien that needs happy energy. When it is over, I sleep and then I miss it.

My ffriends all have lives with their own partners. To them, I am a happy entertaining side friend they can see once n a while and smile or laugh. When they leave, they go back to rich full lives. I go back yto my dark bedroom in my basement apartment and a PVR full of the leftovers I have not watched. The TV shows I like all ended in May.

I sit in bed. I debate in my mind… drugs? High? Wil it solve anything, or just waste this evening away. OTherwise, I feel like going to sleep at 7pm…. and then often sittingh silent, sad and teary til 10pm when I can actualy fakll asleep.

or not.

Tonight, Tuesday.. I broke. I snorted a little line of someboidy else’s Ketamine. A small packet that I have promised. Ten minutes pass and I write, thinking…, evenb n ow this isn’yt hiotting me. Isn;lty effecting me… I need too much, so I shoulod not do any.

I had alreadey write off “K”: as one I should not do agaiun. I never would have, except for the elaborate plan my brain convinced me was right… so I ordered more for somebody else… and the regretted it.

I really have wated to quit. Be done… at least with the bad stuff I tried during this phase. The K, The H and the Tina. Be gone. Be done.

But I know they’re not gone. I was able to blacklist alcohol and cold turkey say no one day 25 years ago and never touch it again… but my cold turkey closure to cocaine hasn’t been perminant. IT comes back every 2-5 years when the time is right, or the situiation arises. This past weekende I have 2 hgrams o coke to share… from two sources, just so I could make a woman smile.

Much like the K, I use other people, and my willingness to please, as the reason for buying more. “It’s not for me” I’d convince myself… but knowing … yerah yeah yeah… I’ll do that again.

And I did.

The cocaine this weekend was snorted after a longer than usual battle. I said No for a while. Iknew it doesn’t do muchg for me, and I knew it clogs my nose for a week or two, and I know almost every single time, it has alowed me to get a cold or the flu — or after effects that seems a lot like a cold or the flu.

It happened of coyurse. I did some, partly to be polite and not let her do it all herself, but also becaude… we;ll… it;’s there. A line on the table caling me.

Then, as the week continued, and I left my weekend adventure, I returned home to the basement, cold, dark, and spontaniuously under constrcution. Paranoia of my landlord’s awareness was there, as well as all the regular “life sucks” mood motifs I’ll be reviewing in my head.

I watch sad TV… a Series finale with tyears. The tears break into a full cry.

I am sad.

I am suicidal… at least in the idea that I think of it as a future option, but not today.

This is not a suivciude note. I am not wanting to be deaqd… really.. I jjust want to be “there”… the future I can imagine but can’t achieve. Do I call it success? Is that what I seek?

I think not. Just a different kind of contentment. I am, and remain so even with drugs, happy and content with the evferyday n ormal Jeff that gets to meet p[eople. I envy him from my baement when I can not. When I am alone, I am a loser.

When I am with you, her, her or her, I am happy.

blah. Now the K has a slight effect. It has distracted me to the point where I think about my head more than the writing. aha! Point goes to the negative team. It has made me not like my writing. Stop and go be high it says to me. Go watch TV.

Go be blah and stop this worry. You know tomorrow, somebdy new wil be standing in front of you with a neeed, and you’ll put work aside to dedicate attention to her…. and for the moment, LIVE the Jeff life you desire… even if you don’t like the partrictular ,moments… I live to server and work for the smile… even on the faces of peoplke I do not love oir respect.

—

I have frioends I don’t l;ike because they keep me reacting. That is what I need/. My best ftrioend has that title, merely because he ws the one that stayed in touch. He lkept at me,. He made me react.

My weekend adventures indure because I made them a routine. We do something every Saturday and miss it greatly is one goes by.

I have found new friends, and spent time with them in front of my while on drugs. One ws 21 and one was 42. Each taught me new things,m and I felklk in love instantly… withy the idea of a new story. A new person in front of me.

Then, later, alone as I re-evaluate, I hate myself. I love the NOW Jeff… I hate the TO BE and WAS Jeff’s. The alone guy who sits and remembers the negative for review.

The K is trying… BE HIGH it calls from the back of my throat. The taste of the poowerder as I swallow. Coke is the flavour I’ve grown to accept and say I like. K and Heroin and Meth were yechy swallows…

Sorry – distracyted enough to steakl the pride from my writing. I suck. My writing sucjks. Life sucks.

It’s 8pm… at least an hour has passed since I cried at the TV and felt like life was yech. I did the snort and it didn’t give me the high… but it did give me the diustraction, wated time and the will to write this.

confess. It is 7:45. I rounded. I could sil be asleep.

but the sadness is here. In the cloud tonight. In my mind.

I guess I’ll go watch some TV after al. Maybe WHOS LINE IS IT ANYWAY. Short, smiles without prequesites or follow up.

End of Part 1.

A tear drop

I watched another TV show. I’ve been home acting sick all week, staying in bed, watching what shows are left on my PVR.

A tear drop slid down my face, but I caught it before it hit the sheets. I brushed my cheek and brought the towel to my nose to blow it clear. I always have my handy towel nearby.

It wasn’t a tear of sadness at first. It wa sjust a reaction to a sad part in the show, exhanguarted by my weakend state. I sometimes get weepy at TV after a weekend of partying.

However this weekend was extra sad, and I was extra sad and so the tears started. It’s been a while. I don;t remember when I last had a weep. Maybe it’s more recent than I choose to remember. I’ve been doing so well. I’ve been happy and adfventurous trying new things and getting used to enjoying the man I am around other people more. A new confidence.

But I’m still alone most of the time, and those are gthe moments that the tears are representing. I look aounr. I live in a mess. It sadnes me at every viewpoint, especially because I know that the mess is actyually less than a few hours away from tidy. Everything is just a few hoours from nopt sucking.

I am just a momet away from not sucking. From nopt being sad.

I just can’t seem to win the game.

An appropriate analogy perhaps, as I’ve never really been good at any game. At any sprt.

At anything…

1. Not fair.

I am good at being around people. I am good at being liked.

I just suck when alone, and I seem to be alone. A lot.

I am sad.

I will go fill another towel.

It’s the drugs. I don’t need them to be the good Jeff… I know I don’t. I suppose I use them so that the alone Jeff doesn;’t have to be alone so mch.

excuse.

the end.

— nOte. I end all my writings that way, and it in no way shopuld be confused with a death message. This is not the end of anytiing except this entry.

Gilligan’s in head porn

I startlet myself just now. I made a new noise when I exhaled. It was a moan. A sexy female moan. I. Did it again, several times.

For a moment, I remembered Gilligan’s in head radio. His tooth picked up some waves and got a station. I wondered, do I have Porn in my head?

The Two Jeffs origin story

At my monthly fajita party yesterday, someone asked how the two Jeff’s met, and in the moment I actually remembered it wrong, for an instant. I missed the opportunity for a good story. You might say, we met during the dawn of what we call the Internet today. jeffg and jefff met online. The Halon Amateur Radio Bulletin Board System.

peak.

It might be interesting to go crazy while I watch

Recently, when I began what I am now referrinng to by thye name; Phase 2 of my mid life change…I knew I would be living on the edge of danger and mental health. I even inckluded fantasy scenarios in my mind of losing some of my itellegence. I watched my father turn from proud hard wrker to depressed sad man when he could no longer remember how to be tghat man. IT was heart breaking, both for him and for mr to watch, and feel vicariously.

Today, I felt an oddness I wasn’t familiar with. An after weirdness on the Monday of a party weekend. I had been up since Thursday morning and had a wild and memorable experience with my new friend. I was high off smiles for lomger than usual… but I didn’t make it o sleep till Monmday at about 9:30AM.

I was woken up, totaly by coincidence when a different friend texted me; HAPPY 4:20

It made me smile, especially as my cell phone reads the message out loud in it’s funky voice.

When I woke up however, I felt a little spacey. That seems to be a word people use when they can think of no other. Dazed and cionfused.

—

Zeppelin. I have created a story about invisibility. If every element in pur known universe vibrates at a different rate, it is possible to identify objects on earth that may not have come from earth. It is cioncievable that, if it were possible to modify the speed of — rate of vibration of an element or elements, it would just change it’s density. You could turn tin into gold.

Howeve, ois it nmot equa;l;y conciebvabl;e that items which bear vibration raytes outsoide our scale, may be invisible to the naked eye, and perhaps even pass solids through solids. If we culd shift the vibrationrate into high or kloer speeds thgan ioyr universe supports we ay find they vanish.

There could be a hapy family with a baby, existing right where you stand occupying tyhe same space, but at such a different vibration. we don’t see the/.

hat was the mment I lost interest. My red voice heck,ledfrom it’s cheap seats far from my fingers, but it convinc es me thisnotr a keeper… a nd theen takes the bval and runs.,

Jeff run.

Stuck

Terror moment. Have I broken my brain, or will this go away in time… like any feeling. I can’t stop thinking and wanting to be parised for my opinions. I can’t look at anything on facebook without wanting to create a 1000 world blog of my opinions on any given topic.

I rewcogniz this. It was something others must experience all the time. Once you cross over the line from self hatred to self imprtance, you can get caught believeing your ideas have so much value, it’s a dis-service not to share.

To correct the wrongs other people may believe.

I get Christianity. If you be;lieve it is the truth, then you have trouble comprehending even the idea that otehrs would not welcome your lessons an d corrections. The truth is a virus you feel obligated to share. Teaching gives us feelings on many levels.

The problems lie when I get drunk on the power to share and educate and assimiltae my ideas onto others… if my ideas are not quite as #sharewqorthy as I b elieve.

I quite a line I’ve kept from my days with Steve Boysen. One day he made a joke and didnlt get the laugh he expected. He said; Whatta ya want? Every one a winner?

We laughed. I guess I did, and he did too. When you have the ability to make peopole laugh, they come to expect it. WHen you fail, it’s more obvious.

When You believe you canm’t fail, the problems start. When I feel bad, because I wasn’t able to convince you – to switch you from your universe to mine, and I transition from likable guy who makes me laugh, to annoying giuy who thinks everything he opinions on is gold.

I’m still in the middle. I have tasted the joy and ecstasy of approval and priase… but I still understand every one is not a winner. In fact, inside trhe brain kitself, I still believe I may be crazy and it’s all crap.

That however, is changing. My brain is learning how to cope with being cool.

Now if only I use these powers for good, and not evil… I can be literary Batman.

Batman is cool.

I am Orange Shirt Jef,, and I cretaed the orange shirt blogs.

A source of pride maintgained by sharing the safe ones. Soon to include risk. Opinions that matter. That may gather followers.

I don;t want to be fam,opus. I just want a few fans.

Player 1: You have chosen to follow the wrong role model.

I noticed a change in my personality tonight. It reminded me of Robyn. He was one of the only people I ever had to tell… I’m sorry Robynn… I have to unfriend you. I want to be your friend, and hear your crazy stories, but we’re out opf sync. We transitioned from CLICK to CLASH at some point, after I realized he had been changed by his crystal meth usage. He was a tweaker. We was out of sync with my universe,as his had started to run faster.

Tonigt, at my monthly Fajita gathering, I saw what I hated about him, in and early stage, withoin me tonight. I believe I was talking and thinking at a higher rate than my audience.

I’m not certain how much of it was noticable. I’m in an early stage, and so I think it may have been detectable mainly by myself. I asked for an outside evaluation, and the other Jeff at Fajitas said he noticed I was chatty and almost glowing, but I had opoened with the sory of me falling into love mode. I went on a second date with somebody cool, and that is the greatest feeling of all.

That moment of acceptance. I can talk about CLICK AND CLASH a lot, but nothing broadcasts CLICK like the aceptance of a second date.

I expressed it as opening a new folder in my brain, and the excitement of knowing I opened up a few dozen folders, and I have my future to make sure they get filled. There is hope athat at least one will. New things. New exp[eriences… New adventures.

I can’t tell if my gidiness is more influenced by my new muse… or the drugs… or probably a perec recipie of the both.

In the post fajita obcession and rebview sessions I force myself through in bed each night, I go down the list, and choose pride or shame on all the moments. Despite bneing super happy and excited and needing to share this with my friends at dinner, I was still concious that at my parties, I like to give eveyone a spotlight fairly. I caught myself story stealing… We asked a question, and then, before it had been answered, I stole the story to re-tell my experience.

I k now I do this, and it is a skill I am learning through trial, error and a batch of obcession from the files.

The tag line “I GOT YOU BEAT” was my early origin story for my awareness of that ttrait. To a person with A.D.D, interupting is a part of my process. I have a hard time listeing to the end of the story, if you gave away enough good parts in chapter 1 so that chapter two is expected or un-needed… but that’s just a way of explaining thevreal truth is, when I link your story to one of my own, I get the burst of pride feeling and I can’t wait to share.

I can’t wait to steal that attention.

Then I feel guilty. The key to my succss will be nanaging that urge, and cutting back.

My story does not always make yours better. It might… maybe help you to understand I know that feeling… but in truth, it lessons your impact. It is a thefy of your audience and may in fact, steal your sunshione.

(Len’s STEAL YOUR SUNSHIONE was in my head all night.)

I did it once that I know of, and then tried my best to re-work it back for her… but I have learned. It can’t be forced. If I make it too obvious I want to hear the end, then I cause unrequired pressure. Her story has to be #prideworthy all of a sudden, and in com petition.

Bad.

Regular readers of mine may recognize what happened here. My happy voice that omes up with all the ideas, and is a comnstant source for joy and pride, is always bullied by the red voice. The voice that keeps the white voice from getting too egotistical.

It reminds me pride is a sin, and can look ugly. My pride should never oversdhadow yours. I should never believe; I GOT YOU BEAT.

I should be proud of my stories, but just the right amount of sharing. I have tol find a balance of not enough shared pride, and not too much.

I want the goldylocks amount of pride. It’s a new skill to learn. Red voice and white voice can review my eveninmg and take mental notes… or indeed written notes like this one. I am in class in my imagination any my coach is asking; Ok.. so what did we learn out there today?

A lot.

Too much.

The joy is so great, and put it on IV. I ran a constant stream of new ideas like I was presenting them on a runway to my brain. How about this great idea? Do we keep it, or send it back to change it’s outfit a little. Does it make me smile. WIll it make others smile, or is it to creepy to admit this level of obcession.

I ta;ked a lot tonight. Fast. I didn;t let a lul escape. I kept order, making sure everyone had a chance to shine.

I want to assume this will fade. I never saw Robyn any other way than turbo mode… and his side effect is that he liked to add extra content when he’d tell his stories. As the drugs made him dumber, his need to appear smart slanted his filter, and he shared a lot of stuff fast.

As a listener, it was hard. He’s speaking near gibberish, using language and concepts that he knew in his mind, from other stories… I do that.

It scared me. I want to be happy about my changes… not terrified. I’m supposed to be using bthe drugs as a tool — an exeriment to exerience my life from perspectives not usually possible for one person. I use my mind as a lab rat and run the same scenarios by it. Some work… some I should never do again.

It just sucks that the one that works best is one of the bad ones. A drug over the line for almost everyone trying to be accepting. When I mention drug usage, everyone wats to know which ones.

Everyone… everyone has created in their mind the line they secretly hope I have not crossed. For almost anyone, meth anphetimine is one of the ones you just don;t try.

Meth. Not even once.

The logic breakdown is that the worst drug of all time… or perhaps tied with heroin, is the one that most helps my brain. It is the ingredient that turns my mind into itself, but without the red voice… or at least a very quite objection filter.

I say yes on meth.

I say yes and BELIEVE I am capable.

Yes allows the confident NOW version of myself to funcytion without assuming I will; fail. It acts on ideas and shares them or starts them without waiting for the opinion of the self hating negative thinking red voice.

This is dangerous of course, and fits well into the story of why people do drugs that everyone – including theior own inner voice screams DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

With a name like Schukers, it’s got to be good.

With a reputation like meth, you know it’s gotta be good.

I am however, at 52 – one that combats addiction with a logic system, which is altered by the drugs. I justified my idea to try meth at 52 because I considered it was an option I hadn’t tried. I had tried a lot of other options. I have been trying to master the whole life thing since I was 16. I didnt know what A.D.D was till I was 25. That was the start of a new chapter in my life stories.

Ok… we now have a name for why I am the way I am. I have read some case studies of other with A.D.D and they appear to be my long lost twins, coping with a brain that enjoys the feeling of new ideas so muich, it ignores the old regular everyday thoughts when a new one comes along.

OOOO! SHINEY OBJECT. I’m sorry… what were you saying about the funeral?

In more recent years, a YouTube video of a squirrel looking into the camera accompanied by a dramatic chord has been used to slang SUQIRREL into a single word description of the A.D.D mind. You can try and focus, but if you see a squirel all best are off.

I have been known to write about Zeppelins in the same way. If you read “Oh look, a Zeppelin” in my writings it means I have lost al interest, and occaional the base memory of whatever was happening. We’re now talking about Zeppelins.

I defy you. Anyone. No matter what your busines meeting is about, if a zeppelin passes by your line of site, you are going to say; Oh look, A Zeppelin, or some form of personal wording.

You will.

It’s a perfect way of explaining – in a moment – how my brain works. After reading the book, and learning more… I work to figure out how I can work the system, and still get sopmething done. To move forward. To progress.

I’m 52 and still trying.

I should point out a side laugh… It tooke me 3 years to read that book, and I know for a fact that I never did. I gave it away to another friend I’d diagnosed as A.D.D in hopes it would change his life in the way it changede mine.

I learned tricks. If I know I need attention, I need to pre-plan enough activities to think about with both sides of my brain. Both the white voice and the red voiocehave to be kept entertained and quite.

Please turn off your brain’s ringer. You may continue to think freely during this presentation, but do not speak up. Obcess quietly for as long as uyou can.

It’s hard, especialy if I have no way to take notes. I feel pride in my side ideas, and I feel sad when I can’t share them out loud. I get obcessive and anxious if I can’t even write them down to evaluate later. I hate the idea that I might forget this idea… I might lose pride points because I codulnkt share.

It can distrract me enough to lose all focus on whatever trhe presentation is. I fill my brain with guilt and fear and do not learn.

My bfrain is fuly capable of crushing all joy, just because I like to ofer my reviews, prauise or improvements.

I GOT YOU BEAT wants to speak. It wants to make your story better. It thionks my ideas are better… and that tgelling you MY version, will make you happy. I vcalue my opinion and ideas more than your pown.

That is a red flag. A sign to worry about,. OH look… a zeppelin., Now we’re thinkinmg about what a horrible person I am for stealing your sun shione.

I’ma gonna let you continue, but Beyonce…

Conye gthinks opinions can be wrong, and assigns his with the status of fact… I think I do the same. At least soimetimes.

Roby did… but his mind was on fiber. New ideas came in so fats, he had gotten use to just talkking. If everything is percieved as gold, then it doesn;t really mater you can only loeave wiuth a pan full of Canye’s wisdom… It’s all good.

Except when it isn;t. The sad thuing is, Canye West has what we have. A mind that is always thinking of the alternative scenariop. A better way to do everything. Thec Canye way. It comes in the form of; “What if you tried it this way” first. Baby steps.

But the more you recieve praise for helping, the more helping becomes the addiction. Believing you can always help is the line of danger. If a washing machine repairman tells me how he is going to fic my machine, Canye might have a suggestion on how. I’m not there yet. I don’t claim to be an expert on the universe. I claim to be an expert on my universe.

I have buiolot my whole life perfsona on not b eing an exp[ert, but on knowing the questions in advance, I can appear to be an expert to everyone. I now not oinly don’t hate myself, I now actually believe others benefit in knowing me.

I have places a value on my opinions, and that is that trcky area where you don;t know if you priced it too high. Canye priced his value a bit high. It turns people off, and you reach a moment in ntime where your confiednce becomes a challenge. People acytivly seek to point out the times when your opinion did not have value.

I still fear that, so I be;lieve I am learning at the right pace.

I have role models to use as examples of that line being crossed. My fear of egotism’s outside face can be ugly. Egan used it as his persona and was not such a p[opular kid. Darrel gain quick dislike because he had a story for every situation, and when that bvecame a part of his persona, it bvecame expected, and in the end mocked.

I was in an aiplane this weekend.

Darrel’s reply is to tell the story of the time he flew an F15 fighter jet.

We all say; of course you did Darrel. Of course you did.

The funny paryt of that story, is that Darrel actually did, and the negative reaction he got to his process helped me understand how not to do it. I turned Darrel into a verb and do my very best not to “Darrel” your. It was a concious decision in my mental filtering. When I hear your story, you know I have one that pops up in mine.

I se youre listening to a story about dentists. Which one of your anicdotes would you like to retell.

Beep. Is this an I GOT YOU BEAT story, or a DARREL story? Will either of them adversly effect your image? Are you stealing someone else’s moment.

The down side however, is that I don;t always have that time. The red voice has less filter, and so I frequentlyt BLURT out my version and then obcess over it later.

I am learning to exist in the real universe, and I’m xc ited at the journey. That archival hoarder of mine is sad I can’t just write a book and get a few fans… but that is the hard work.

The high is from the idea… and the validation that is is good, only comes from the share. Until I share it, I will never have the confidence fully that I am not Wiliam Hung. I am a loser, idiot, and my friends are annoyed by me.

So I say my words, and they approve. They smile.

I feel it.

I call it an win, and never ever learn from it and expect it.

I am learning now. At 52, I am concieding that it might eb time to assume the posiutive story is at least possible, if not the btrue default.

I am starting to believe my opinion is juust the right value.

All that really maters is the story. When I am around you, you leave with good stories. My effect in this universe is almost excluvily positive… except when it’s not – but if I chose to not tell the negative stories as often, or tell them with a positive refraiming, then I am helping.

It gets easier. You can learn to tell good stories.

All it takes to change the world, is to change the stories.

All it takes to change yourtself is to tell your stories with the positives.

EVERY story has a positive perspective.

There is a huge power and responsabiloity that you discover, when you realize how deep it goes. You are the teller of your story.

What do I do for a living?

I’m in the framing business.

I tell positive stories and teach others on the power.

When something bad happens, I think. How can I leave this moment today, and retell what has happened here as a ;positive story. Five years from now, when I talk about this moment, what will be the story I take away.

My mother told the negative stories. My father told the positive stories.

(insert Lego Movie song; Everything is awesome.)

How was your trip Mrs Goebel?

Cold. Windy. The boat rocked. Clouds. We can’t even see the shores.

How was your day Mr. Goebel?

best trip ever. The food was amwesome…MmMMmMmM… I got to try squid, and that salmon was the best I’ve ever had. The people are so friendly, and I even won a shuffleboard.

That is the life of my parents, and my training from birth, except then they’d start fighting over who’s opinion should be the official story. MY Dad would yell, and I’d run away.

You control your story. It’s that simple.

If you step off the boat, the words you say to your welcomeing friends does not hbave to be of gthe things you hated. In fact, if you don;t tell those stories at all, the n 5 years from now – it was a great trip.

Our brain remembers the story more than the moment. Every time we re-tell it, is gets a fresh coat, and it becvomes even better. Through your life, callbacjks to that moment wil be rememberd as the story.

Lesson: The facts are not really relivant in our universe. The story is all. It realy doesn;t matter if the tried fell in the woods, until somebody turns it into a story.

Everythiung in the u niverse is the story we are told.

Everthiung in our universe is the story we tell.

Tell the positive stories, smile, and your universe becomes a happy one.

I say it. You are God of your uniuverse.

I am the God of my universe. The balance I speak of is whether I think I should be a god in your universe too. I’m not there yet. I just got over hating myself.

Jeff Goebel.

2016 06 20

Pride points. I really really want to share, but I have a slight fear this is a Robyn message. It may appear at a diferent speed to my reader. I may be out of sync in how fast I am thinking, and this may appear as crazy, stoned or some other negative. I can not see the reactions because I am trying npot to think for myu audience.

I still assume the worst and shut up and stay quiet alone in my apartment. I fear the mean twitter posts ab out how obviously strung out and crazy I am. I’m not ready to be jusdged. In this moment, jst before hitting DONE, my red voice gets the last word.

Booooo! DO not share. They’ll laugh at you. You’re noty the man the white voice is trying to convince you are. You are not one oif those Ted Talk people. YTou;re high and this feeling iof pride is fake.

The white voice cowers and shuts up. Another journal that doesn;t make it to my blog. IT gets saved in the gigantic pile of #notworthy where it may never be seen again.

I have a visual memory of a man walking a crate to the back of an infinitly large Warehouse. The words TOP MEN are looking into it. TOP MEN. This is from the Raioders of the lost arc, and refers to what will happen to this discovery of God.

They hide it and lie.

Maybe the world is not ready for a god like me. How dare I have the audacioty to use that word, even with a lower case.

A viosua;l memory from Star Trek is always a good way to end. When Janeway speaks to a computer generated Hologram of Leanardo Divinci, and describes to him that she will not explain his existance to him. She explains that to this bird, there is much in our universe that it can not understand or comprehend. She then uses logic, to force Leanadro to accept that it stands to realize our universe includes things that he too could not comprehend. It is not worth the time and effort to teachj Leanadro of the convcept of computers, let alone that his own self awareness is wronmg.

I think about thios scene often because it allows my universe to be beyond my comprehension.. and therefor thiungs can be exaplained as unexplainablke without them driving me mad because I do not undersand.

I love to learn, and figure out the WHY to my brain. As it truns out, when you change your story, the world before me which once was unfaior to me… is wonderful, and I am so happy to be a part of it for 50+ years. I love each new puzzle piece as I figure it out, find signs everywhjere that it is the vcase, and then move on.

I am a pice of this universe. My goal is to leave it better than I found it.

Pride point.

End of part 1.

Take back the pride

I have a controversial mental battle with the word pride. It is a significant word of power that plays a major staring role in my life story.

Pride is one of the 7 major sins, which is an even smaller selection than amendments or commandments.

Pride is one of the best tools to manipulate your self worth, almost as easily as it is for watering the lawn.

The inconvenience is a change we live with.

A fixed point in time. A save point of interest.

A note, written and shared with my mental health councellor as we struggled to convince me I was not worthy of my own hate.

Something pretty amazing has happened, and I just noticed it.

I feel better about myself, because one person whom I respect, has been impressed by me and agrees I am good.

One person, whom I’ve just recently met, but the degrees on her wall qualify her to judge me, thinks I’m cool.

Maybe I am.

If I believe it

It is true.

I am cool. I’m not a loser.

I have dreams that somehow seem possible now. The same dreams I discarded before.

One person saying yes to me instead of no.

One person smarter than me says it’s OK to feel pride.

I don’t need to be perfect but I’m way better than I think.

One person believing in hope makes me believe it.

Just one person believing in me, changed my life.

Now two people believe it.

—

She said she cehrished it, and it was a major pride point for me that I share as an important part of the story. THis weekend, I decided to append;

Now three people believe.

I don’t want to be famous.

I jjust want a few fans.

If we play CLICK OR CLASH one day, and you’re on the winning side, I like you.

If you make me cry, I will divorse you and run away. Usually at five years. I imagine my irritation score will be too high to stay with. My transition from joy to guilt will happen earlier each time we’re together. I will feel like I’m anoying you, and by asking for assurancer one time to often, I will fufil the profacy, and you’ll show frustration with me, if even just for a second.

I have forseen this in my memoryies. I am the fool that is tasked to repeat my history, because I can not believe I am worthy.

A lot of my happiness comes from my ability to mkake you happy. My ability to confortably believ I know what you like. When I assume too much, biased by my nagative classically trained brain, I guess wrong, and fail. At a certain stage, I switch off the filters. I click over the hump and no longer care. It goes in the back over the ping pong table…. Full, well look fr another flat surface. I give up.

However, I am remembering something. I am remembering the joy of a new friend. It’s as though an alien landed on our planet, bringing with them a whole new world of stories and perspectives to either agree with, learn from, or debate. I don’t need to fight.

IF an argument begins, I will try to listen to both sides and decide. One of you is wrong. I have learned that when I live alone, I am always right. When I got a girlfriend, I discovered how often I am wrong. I’m fine with that. It’s c omfort food and being wrong has less respnsability plus you get a bonues pleasure point for learning and understanding something new.

FIRSTIES.

If it is clear that I’m not going to change Quebec to give up at least french numbers… I give up. I live happy with my knowedge, and the iagination visual in my head of that person discovering theior error 6 years in the future, and feel like an idiot.

I choose to make the memory, a story to remember.

It’s a good idea to turn memories into stories, at leasyt once. Tell your memory out loud, or in print. Make it interesting to not lose your reader.

Then… do like me, and stand up and walk away because you have A.D.D and that’s what you do.

The scorpian said to the frog. I’m sorry I bit you. It’s what I do. I’m a scorpian.

Thank you Captain Sisko. Your retelling of a fable in the future was an inspirtation.

The end.

Sunday morning at 7am

I promised the red voice, he coulod have some air time on my radio station SWundays before 10am. Whatveer church stuff they wanted, I can only assume it was in trade for some deal. Everything above employee is about deals. I’m sad Government is run so much on deals, because it is a system that allows evil to pass.

The evil geniouses I keep compolaining don’t exist in the reakl worlkd like they dio in comic books.

It’s worse, The evil genius are the corporations, billed as the good guys.

Many of them styart out thyat way.

I suppose, if you believe in Santa Claus but then you do something realy bad, and stil get that new bike for Christmas, then you discover Santa Claus is week. He didn’t even know I was bad. I was literally being good for Goodness sake, not out of fear ofd judgement. I don’t think I believe Saqnta Claus knows if we’ve been bad or good.

That moment, for many is a Monday. A fresh start oif a new story where you have learned you can be bad, and get away with it.

In fact, it’s really quite rewarding if you really don’t care. If you have no Santa Claus in your life. If there is nobody who’s respect you wish to keep. At some point, both sides of right and wrong choose theiur oiwn lines. I did not do bad things because I understood they would satisfy my in the short term, but I would know I’d lost the respect of someone.

I have never been in a police car.

That statemnent is a lie, but I tell my own story. I have no memories of ever really being in trouble. I have one principle office story, but it’s comical. I do not have any police stories. I speed on the highway, indulge in drugs, and download movies… but apart from that, I am a vanilla model ctizen. I do the bare minimum I can to survive, and stay happy, and make others happy.

I have, up until recenbtly strived to be invisible. To not be noticed. I never poked the bear. I didn’t even like when I chose thye long staraw and was the sibling tasked to wake my father. He’d always yell when you woke him. It was scary.

I have come to terms, that my decisons and choices are always to maintain the cover at all costs. Present as a normal, invisible guy… until called on to be there to support.

I once scripted a TV commercials. Superman is walkiing around metropolis and hears, Argh! Stupid virus. I hope I can retriev those files, from a window above.

Unexpectedly, he zooms into a payphone nearby, whirls around like wonderwoman, and emerges as a nerdy clark kent, complete with pocket protector and taped glasses. He walks up tyo tyhye second flor and says; This looks like a job for… the computer guy.

Do you have a guy?

Oh man, you gottagetaguy.com

As an aside, there is a sign next to the phone booth that those who pause can read; This phone booth to remain here as a place for Superman to change. Please do not use to make calls.

—-

I was about to end, when I realkized I didn’t get to thye top story. I was about to rant in my negative attitude about the days gone by. Missing work on Monday with the equivilant of a hangover. My problem is my cure.

Before, my problem was my problem. I needed help to start anything and continue… so I could never work to solving it, because my problem was my problem.

Now, my probnlem might be that I’m crazy. I missed my wiondow, and now I’m just a ranting lunatic.

—

Family Memory Zeppelin. I eventuially got over the fact that neither of my parents really understaood what I did, or found a way to hold it up for pride and senior show and tell. I always felt the Treuman kids from one side had many more pride worthy successes. I was Fiorest Gump in school and my best friend was Jenny on the corner before the bus and weekends, but I was the weiord kid she wouldn’t be seen with at sachool.

I got over that my parents tried so very hard to uderstand me and help my strugglesw, but I didn’t know how to nshare it with them, because we were never on the same level of thinkig. I tried. I chameleoned to be the good son around them.

It’s not like I was a rebel. I rebelled by being as normal as I could be… except when it cae to food. I just didn’t learn how to love, because I wasn’t #loveworthy

I fakked it poorly. Many thopught I ws gay.

I wondered myself. One can never know if he sees the same orange as another, or what the normal of another is like. I can only imagine your perspective and perceptions, and I do so with my negative biased instinct.

I have been trained to choose the failure option story, because I fail at everything I try.

Truth: I fail at nothing. I just give up way before success because it’s not exciting to fail over and over. It is hard to not use oprevioius performance as as pedictor of future outcome.

Do or not not.

There is no Try.

Excvept, if you give up on try 2, you co,pleted do and do not by trying.

But new Jeff, perhaps crazy Jeff has reframed. Rebranded. Not changed… but I have found pride in my uniqueness. I am special, just like everybody else.

What changed?

All it takes to change the world, is to change the stories.

All it takes to change yourself, is top change yor story.

All it took for me, was just one person. One person, whom I shared my story with, and they said; That’s great. You should do more.

Previously, I had only ever heard; Why havn’t you handed that in. It’s 6 vweeks late. You didn’t even read the book did you?

You have such great potential Jeffrey.

One day m,omma, their gonna announce a discovery. The subservient portion of the population has a different brain configuration. They’ll call me A.D.D. and it will explain all my issues away as a syndrome…

I read the book SO I”M NOT STUPID DUMN ABD LAZY… or similar.

A lihghtbulb moment. HOLY SHIT! These people are me! I’m not stupid dumb and lazy. In fact, I’m quite cool. My diferenty enabled brain is fantastic at some things. I can sit in a room and listen to somebody complain, and then reframe it and have them leave happy.

In mjy 20’s I could do that all day long. Then, I started to notice the number of frowns it takes to wear down my smile.

These days, one good frown can do it. I hate frowns on Mondays.

As I write this, it’s 9am on a Monday.

Smiles everyone, smiles. DA PLAIN, DA PLANE

Billy Van, as the Librarian

A fan tweets, do you think you should write or record the first drafts, but then read the edited copies into the camera with blocking.

Jeff lies. That’s him.

Shame won the week.

It’s wednesday. I have not done any woirk this week. I may not tomorrow. I am still too high. I have shame.

I nwas ready to call this experiment, phase ii post therapy trial. Yet another try at making me work. Finding that partner. If I were to believe in reincarnation, I could imagine a story of my adventures through time. always looking for the one.

Of course in truth, I usually picked the first one that said yes, or the foirst one that spoke first. I throw myself at the feet of everyone i meet and say; take me. please.

Let me live in your life.

It’s all I know.

I don’t function alone. I’m like a domesticated poodle in the forest.

I need somebody to tell me when to eat, to shower, to go outside.

I need someone to tell me stop doing drugs.

The place stinks. My blanket smells of the drug. It comes through my oores replacing my default salty odor. .. or maybe it’;s just in my nose.

I think to myself, I’ll take the two weed pills now, because they make me sleepy. That’ll work. If nothing else, it will change the way I feel now.

Fast forward… have you ever tried to be tired, but yoiu couldn;t? It;s frustrating, and quite possiblky much much worse than just being too high to sleep.

I fear. I fear death, but I also fear life.

I’m out of ideas. I won’t move an inch when I’m sober. The sober Jeff just lives it, like he always has. 15 years at one job without any promotion. I live in the now.

Stoned me has a different life. Trapped in my basement alone, all I can o is think… I write. I talk to the camera. I smile. I laugh.

I have pride.

And my ideas are good, which makes me very sad, that I live in a sober life with a brain that ignores me.

I take drugs. I think great things without the negative voice. TRghe crusher of dreams. The stories villian is my own brain.

It’s skilled at distration, and tricks.. but it makes me believe my ideas are crap, and it is thebouncer to my sober mind.

I donot read my own work… and I usually only write when high.

If my works are ever released, it will probably because I died one night, and not because I allowed it. I shared this weekend, and then shared with one of the group I live to be perfect for.

My secret Santas.

People I need to believe care when I’ve been bad or good, so be god for goofness sake.

—

This weekend I became aware. I cretaed a new file in my brain to add various worries to.

I reaized this drug may very wellhave already broken me, and made me stupid. I may have perminantly damaged my brain… unlike every other drug I like.

I may ahve lost how long I can stay focused, and that could be horible.

I may need serious together time with people.

I can not trust myself to return to drugs to fix a fear, or a bad feling.

I need seveal days clean… not 28, lets not go crazy… but I think I need to be raound somebody.

fuck. Am I creating tghis need in my brain? I do not want to go to rehab.

I want to quit, on my ownm, becaue it’s the right thing to do.

Its just impossible… I believbe, alone.

I have been quited frequently as saying, I never lie about anything but drugs.

Truth: I believe. I believe I could give up drugs, if I lived with a prtener again.

Visual vision: It can’t be … no. nevermind

I’m sad. I’m sad I convince myself it won’t be me. Even now I’m thinking I’m not as bad as the TV addicts.

I flip to a visual display in my mind of some of my drug stories. I sadly have pride in what I was capable of doing, on drugs. Really stupi things, and yet I always came back to work Monday of when needed.

I have been a functioning drug user… ues, I say user for many many years.

Live streami g crazy old hkppy

Orngeshirtstofuds

I just ramble

Orange Santa Claus

I did it again. I slipped. Let’s just say it for what it is

Ding

I fall in love whenever the smile doesn’t yell.

I chameleon

Story zeppelin

This is Jeff. He is going on a blind date with one of two options.

Someone perfect, or someone very much a clash.

A cluck you see in its earliest stage, as a micro expression of approval. My chameleon super power is that I can feel the moment interest drops.

I get paranoid of my personal reputation and rudely break the flow by restarting the stoty

Bail.

Oh, I like that. What can I rebound as my… Ding

Is that right? Isn’t story telling g about telling g the same stories, as new, because the stories give society hope.

Or scare the shit out of them.

Ding

Realization. Conservative government uses fear to terrify you of change. To the Conservatives, your loyalty is your value. Liberals use hope, and change, and win fights against adversity.

The two party system isn’t even about voting, it’s to give your life structure bed on your brain.

Previous quote

If there is nothing left.

All else has failed, then take the lesson

Make sure the story has fair value.

If you have hope in the future, liberal.

If you don’t, then call yourself a conservative so you can stop answering any more questions about the myth of a hopeful future, and make a shut load of cash… Or bitcoins.

/me pauses to reevaluate the last punchline. The computer changed my shit to shut load of cash, and only human editors and translators would question.

Fuck. I turned should could would into a YouTube game show in my head just now.

A touch of banzai.

With each new line, my drug thinking enhancement drugs may have been too much.

Nook zeppelin

One solution I have for depression or grief, is to turn your situation into a story.

In, y earlier writings, I used to quickly explain something complex, in a rush Thar…

I was reading in the red voice.

Fuck. I can’t get death out if my head. Death by pride.

Yowsa. That was not my story. I borrowed it in my brain from elsewhere.

My friendship must have learned up. We now have a history. I can slowly transition from making way to many pop culture references to using similes taken from our combined history.

If I had been reading allowed aloud, you would have seen the instant where I lost interest. Red voice heckled my routine from stage left.

That sounds a little stalker creepy Jeff.

Ding

Oh look, a zeppelin. Save point.

New topic with a Monday attitude.

No, wait. You don’t know I love Mondays. I don’t go back. I keep typing and just start new the moment I lose enough interest to not return to that story.

Post it note

Should my a. D. D. Be renamed to good story syndrome. Better story wins my attention. Great stories win my full attention, and my soup is found in the microwave untouched, 4 days later.

I may describe it like a basketball championship. Eventually everyone knew the story of my soup could wait for a second coat, but pride points to those of you that connected the Dita about why that was funny.

I think I might start using TV characters and personal contacts as verbs.

Red light. Loud buzzer.

Warning. Without offering any judgement or opinion on the idea, I stop you before you begin. As if thus writing you may have a readership audience of one.

She is that student from your negative slant dreams. You put her in a school because you would never, dare I say could never have read a book recreationally if it had not been an assignment. My story seems to have been coloured in by my age, and replaced with negative thought Bias. I wrote the character reading by request. Prude points were called marks and praise and a score.

White voice edits the story to be happy. I had trouble reading for enjoyment because of the technology. So I did without except as needed.

I have mastered the skill that all support workers know to be true.

You don’t have to be smart and understand all the answers to everything.

A good support person understands all the questions, and what will keep his masters. No. Bosses. No.

A good support person can tell happy stories, but only if they sincerely believe the product and ir service they’re promoting is a good choice for the customer client, or friend.

The moment I lost my point of interest in my glorious career as nearly famous Commodore salesmen… Little leaves.

Bing. An improvement star yells CHANGE

I just reframed this thing I’ve been doing as an art firm. I’m not claiming it… I’m Georging my tips.

Awww. I used the wrong card in.. I feel like

Zeppelin cutaway. Homer Simpson in a, whayever… Is it moo moo?

Home says, what? You can do that. And here I am using delete like an athlete. Just kee

Typing. Oh. That’s a thing now.

Ding. Pop up therapist, I noticed a microecpresion. You lost interest mid way trough the thought. You doubted the punchline. Then wandering red voice starts whispering in my head, why are you attributing your top jokes to Homer Simpson. That’s your joke. Own it.

In my head, pop up therapist is her smile. A good smile is like the final round on family feud. You only need to win the final round to take the cash.

It blows away pride points in thebflood

Ding. Visual zeppelin

I writing is improvisational. Everything is made up, and the points don’t matter.

Should there be an answer sheet to my writings? A study notes mode where every mention is an actual tag. So one story with 10 mentions, allows you to experience my favourites demo reel, so to speak.

Read one of my blogs, but check out every single culture reference and you’ll learn who I am.

Lights change

Red voice. They more then learn about you, the bigger the rusk. In my brain, every negative attribute is a point. They are under your personal, one. Every thing you learn about me, there is a slight delay, and then I am waiting in anticipation for any indication I am still #dateworthy

I say I am.

I know I am

And so it is the story.

No intermission. This is act II of the improv, with suggestions vfflm.

A new series called, dad, you left your Mike on.

A sitcom or drama with an older man who mumbles. Life happens on them and they find themselves in media attention, and a reality show is proposed. A microphone is attached to dad, s collar and his son explains how it works to his dad, with no passion for the story. It is told as a chore, because they both know he wasn’t listening.

Dad always had trouble paying attention to anything unless he could figure out a reason to care. He was a master at the Art of refraining a story. He could search through all the players in the moment, and give them a passable profile. Who in this mo, enter had a way to tell this ad a

Osigive story.

Try.

It gets remarkably easy if your story doesn’t need to be true. The moment your audience can hold their attention on a story that isn’t true, you pause. Save. This is a hidden plot point in the overall story of my universe.

I fear I have gone crazy, but I have the highest pride in these writings.

I have always enjoyed my writing process, even before the weed inspired phase. I keep moving forward, like the train and the chicken.

Why did the chicken cross the tracks?

Because the train can’t.

The game of chicken was invented that day.

Popuo lawyer head. This punchline, and the game of chicken were both… Made up. This disclaimer, er is required because people figured out that euther

Well believe they’ll believe anything or try anything, and they’ve exploited that with lawsuits. It creates a whole industry and thousands of jobs, because some people believe in Santa Claus and some don’t.

O am sad American lawsuits have been made possible during the Conservatives that just want to make deals.

Ask an editor Popuo. Is it proper to reference an entire concept like Santa Claus without explanation. Must I always cater to the bounce rate? The first time reader? Do I always have to explain spider man’s dead uncle?

I suppose I answer my own question on the white voice

If you are thinking of your writing as an art firm, Fuck. Form. Auto correct is making it look like I type firm a lot.

Snap back.

From the moment the dad’s microphone goes live, and a star is born. His mumbles are genius.

Ding ding. Star Trek fan Popuo. Excuse me, but William Shatner already did that brilliantly in Shit my dad says.

Not quite. In my version, the dad really is mumbling non stop. He is narrating life as he sees it, live. If I say like a DVD commentary, but I know a bell go off and mark against me an old man point. Today’s reader may have never seen a DVD commentary, or a DVD.

Use your words Luke.

Ding. Visual memory. I have turned into either a robot, programming myself with pop culture media and using images and storues in my language. Like bumblebee the transformer, but more like Disney’s flight of the navigator. An alien that quotes early TV within his language. He may not know the word fie it, but he picks a jingle and replays it for one point. Readers who recognize the reference are rewarded with this smile, and a brief memory of the scene.

With practice, one can learn to recall those flash memories… Dkng

A flash memory drive is a zeppelin. When you out it in a device, everybody stops working and looks at it. It is very easy to live life from the instant of now, forward.

I have several ways I fit time travel into my universe. Ask.

My mind is still racing, but no longer with that fear if death that sirs on the edge of nausea. I played chicken with it tonight. I did not get up to retrieve the bucket.

I used Peter pans power of happy thought and Douglas Adams forgetting how to fall.

I could imagine a fiction of joy inside my mind. A mini replay of any number of smile moments.

In the days where I feel confident, and discover and learn a lot of new ideas, I have a brief period of pride, before it switches to fear if shame.

I give up too easily. I want to auto complete my services with your negative reactions because I write the negative story in my mind as possible.

If I tell a joke, and the laugh comes 1 second later than I expected, I can imagine a whole universe of stories as to why you hated it. I will stare you down as you tell me it’s good.

I will not fully trust you.

I do not allow myself to let me dream of the happy stories, because it’s a superbly slope (clique bingo) that leads___ to blank. Cards Against Humanity callback.

It all came to fast to me these last two days of perforce enhanced writing.

I write the same thoughts, but with an u dwrstanding they’re great. Let’s not being it up.

My fear of fame, is that I will start dreaming the red voice in the firm of Twitter evil.

Quite

It is not often that a single ideal can be simultaneously the greatest invention of all time up to this post, and also the beginning of the change that will destroy us all.

As our nation is publicly pushing change in our faces, and in some cases with a slap. Those among our generation that grew up locally, grew up with a sort of unwritten rule that you were pretty good shit.

It was easy to believe we were better than them foreigners. We have a squad of cheer leaders, literally leading cheers about how we’re so much superior to the public school down the street. Go hawks vs musvrsts

Insert image if ice t kissing his two fingers in that “respect” sign and saying much love, muskrat love.

Oh no. Am I scripting Laugh In now?

My old man points have been a created by the medication.

I want a single line in the official story.

Jeff goebel

Mostly harmless. No, the mind of a Mac, with the design of windiws

Doomed to fail.

Oh look. A zeppelin

John cheese is payed an obscene amount of money to sit at a desk, in the middle of a cow field. He turns and says a…

And is cut off before he can say, MD now for something completely different. This was, he didn’t have a speaking part, so we paid him scale.

Edit.

My brain just wrote an entire sequence to end that story. It involved a horrible actor playing the role of John cheese. He is snorting a gigantic amount of cocaine. He cries Fish Scale. It is presumably a reference to quality cocaine having the nick name fish scale.

I turn to the camera. Do you realize, you’re the father. This writing is coming from your mouth. You’re joyrnalixung

Dun Dun duuuuuun

I am excited to feel this way, but understand the seriousness of my visible addiction. I try to make my cover story sound real, and despite the fact that it is, even I know it’s weak.

But fuuuuuck. It’s only another failure if it fails.

Maybe if u click my heels together or clap my hands and say I believe, maybe I can take one of my ideas to success.

Despite my claim that I don’t finish things, I have had some success with starting things with people, and then walking away leaving them running things.

This statement is not actually true.

Hand goes up. O tweeted, Jeff lies

Is a fear of mean a disorder yet. Hurry up and call it.

The world teaches we should not hate anyone except any one. Hate the individual.

Wait. That’s from the red lesson book.

Quote

I don’t want to be famous.

O just want a few fans

Insert the prose I wrote to my councillor the day she changed my life. The switch on my brain from 0 to 1. The origin story of my healing.

In the first session with Amy, she asked me what made me happy, and she would not accept my response that the thing that made me happiest, was making other people happy.

It took 2 years of work, but the pride I have in my work has reframed my answer. Of I could travel… A beep on my er silences that side story. People just want the ending. I find myself upset when the information on search for, isn’t in the 4 line site summary on google.

Realization. I am stuck in think mode, enhanced by the drugs. Edibles at a dose higher than previous. I am much, and obcessive. My writing was probably more scattered than usual.

Visual memory: Leonardo Davin hi in the holder on voyager.

It is gone before I can share the quote that triggered the memory. Like cards against humanity, I have a better play for that cars.

I am more like Doc Brown at the height of crazy, yelling out commands to an invite friend named either Stella or Gary.

I am not Robin Williams, although I could only ever compare myself to greatness while high.

My fear of egotism is very real, and has its own origin story with Egan Robinson.

I am not andy Kaufman, but I admired his interrogation of living a character as your full time persona. Dice clay tried it his was with great success. They may result, but people do change with each generation. We flip between red and blue or white and blue and worry and hope about different things. People grow.

I have mixed feelings. The drugs gave certainly filled me with a flood of cool wet pride points. I be kept having so many zeppelin. In sightings I started to accumulate guilt and red points because I couldn’t wrote them all down.

As my high sets behind the escarpment in, y brain, I look out

Line

A megaphone voice can be heard from behind a very large shrubbery. There are no lines. You were just typing your thoughts.

Oh, well that’s done. I’ve hit the downside of the hi, p

Hump

I’ve gone all Wednesday.

Jeff looks for the like button. Oh yes… Not until 2034. Justinian are not sure what he meant.

Ph yes

Slap back. From here, I’ll rest and obcess. My superpower has the ability to retrieve and scan moments from my last human interactions. I have no plan or purpose. I just start typing and hope I hit a keyword that Sparks a memory. And then I start singing a so g, or I have to say, faaaaabric land, fabrjcland

You gotta say it. It’s as compelling as a yawn.

I stop. There is a video and other pies. This was tablet nexus with on screen. It was a horrid mess to read.

I am not a crazy man. I am a crazy typist.

#blamethetech

#blamemybrain

Never blame the weed.

…

The answer to the most significant change to our lives, the new found a ilify to build a fan base anonymously.

The concept of personal fan bases is here. This generation had discovered a way to believe fans have value as a political group.

Am I the king of my universe?

Or do i serve a queen.

I’m undecided. I’m good with both.

Twitter has been reframed as the place to go for the punchline, regardless of consequence. Check out some of Jimmy Kimmel mean treats.

It is something you should not be laughing at.

…..

My mind hits the gavel against the desk.

My mind has this tendency to confirm to the story. It exists in the moment of now, forward and doesn’t go back.

If I turn a theory into a story, or I write it out here, I can feel pride in the moment. If you ask me what I was talking about before, I may not know.

I think I have answered my own pondering, this time before I wrote a word. I can not tryst that my stories are the truth.

Dramatic chord.

Possible break of trust and or respect. He just openly admitted that he may, on an undisclosed percentage, augment the stories O tell.

I am creating a phi, philosophy about a way to live with confidence and success by understanding the power of the story.

My red voice is laughing. It knows the come down from this high will be all his. It’s his time to shine… Or glitter.

Think of my brain like a 24 hour sports channel. During the moments a game is being played, you’re on air Jeff. The hours and hours when the game isn’t on, my brain file with a continuing stream of doubt, and praise fishing.

I need yes men, in my head because I do not trust the opinions of my circle.

I trusted my therapist councillor. She told me I was not crazy. She gave me a very sincere and believable testing, oral praise. She like me, she really liked me.

Ding. I can’t stop.

I write her that bit.

As soon as somebody else. One person interacted with me, got to know me, and I am not a loser asshole after all.

This weekend, I said it with feeling and conviction as I passed this wisdom onto a new be liver. I could not love another as long as I felt I was not # love worthy

I started to tell of the time she said to me, yes Jeff. You ask me if low self esteem is chemical or mental. You asked, is it possible I could learn to not hate myself.

She said yes.

This weekend, I said yes too

Now two believe.

Pride point.

As the narrated of my own story, I have the ability to share what I think. I think we’re Al shit. We really are frauds in many ways. Each and every one of us is afraid they won’t be liked, valued or loved. Every single one of us… And I’d be willing to estimate that the majority think they’re the only ones.

I started to use other people as examples of what I thought was a normal I wanted to be. I grew up in a very social group of friends. The parties and game nights were at out house.

When I started to look at other people’s universe, I started to see their stresses, different and firing to me, but it’s clear that different brains live different, Ives. But everybody has an inside brain personality.

Some people wear it in public, and use their ignorance as a source of pride.

The second in command of the KKK probably wishes he was number 1, and he’ll go on TV to be mocked, because he knows his followers will hear the good stories.

I grow weary. Tablet holding had made my arm numb. It is Monday.

Time to take my Paxil.

End

I have a deadly superpower. The only way to measure it is to die.

So that’s an OCD problem. Love with a mystery indolent Ed for the rest if life, or died on the experimentation.

It appears I may be somewhat immune to incandescent poisoning. Oh, and opiates. This has been a part of my life story for decades. My memories of hospital and dental visits all had a similar passage you could copy and paste.

I would politely explain that my body type seems to need either a higher dosage than the norm, or else more time to kick in. I’ve never done tests to get a and hard numbers. However, each time it’s the same reaction.

Yeah yeah yeah Mr Goebel. Well make sure you don’t feel a thing. You might be inclined to accept that Ax a sincere response, and extra attention and can will be given accordingly. My highly tuned observe powers detect micro expressions and body language. That was a brush off response.

You would be fired if reolied; don’t tell me how to do my job man, I’m pretty sure I’ve done this few times.

As hard as a fake sincerity to be, it’s still a courtesy. The waitress has to laugh when your response about bro go g your bill is a joke she’s laughed at an average of 26 times a night.

My super power is inconvenience, and is actually annoying. It is an unusually high tolerance for pain medication in general and opiates in specific.

I only know of two settings at this stage. Not enough and too much, you’re dead.

That fucking sucks. It’s like my collectors box of Scott’s ceramic tea animals is missing one, but I can never fill it or I might die.

That is one crazy brain Fuck. It’s a brain slap in the face.

However I am still alive, not addicted to heroin, and with a very tame but not horrid story. Surprise twist that may be enough to keep my place in line at the gates.

I never understood why it was a him it made me sleep.

760am falling asleep. Wish me luck. No bliss or mood change at all.

One of the stories I re use often is my virgin experience with The Lord of the Rings.

Sleep attempt 4.cant ficus to write.

OMG my brain is liberal and Conservative.

The white voice dreams big. Comes up with the future and standards and equality. It is progressive.

The Conservatives maintain. They result change of policy or mind, and it works for them. Get off my lawn ya crazy kids.

The secret you don’t tell the masses it’s designed that WY to make sure we can do whatever we want as long as we appear to fight against it.

A rigged game that relies on the guard changing every generation at least once.

My brain is the same. My happy side is learning to say yes.

My conservative side frames it as something to be afraid and or ashamed of, but there is discount help available. And a jingle.

All the American ads had jingles.

Like politics, sometimes one side gets the last word in.

Sleep try 2.

This story just in

Nope. Another swing and a miss. It makes me awe at how infinite thinking is. When I’m high, I can get a but purest. I feel an obcessive need one might tick in the full old camp. Before red voice reads my words, or comprehends them in whatever speed the director chooses is right, all ideas are perfect. I am a genius and if I can figure out how to get off this island with the skipper and guiigan.

The graphics department could add a scale here. The scales of library. The genius side is losing to the crazy old man.

Historians believe many of early times geniuses were crazy old men. Doc Brown, Einstein and my friend Willie all share the same barber. He built a barber shop… In a DeLorean.

In summary as I foolishly try to convince myself thus is the last, I need to express that my story is holding up, despite everyone in agreement it wasn’t an incredibly reckless action.

To that I say, America has somehow figured out the formula to turn bulletin into pride. The awful have pride.

Argh. Mixed feelings. Of course they do. That’s my whole system. Pride gets super easy to conjer up.

I remembered. I’m getting better.

Bongo sound. I always go for the extra sentence and block out the headline.

Heavy sigh. Emotional roller coasters. I can say beat my low self esteem, and my pride is sincere. I’m bordering on awesome because I’ve packaged my crazy with subtitles.

Quick flashbacks of all recover ended stories… But I reframe them as opportunities for fans to ask.

Quote.

I don’t want to be famous.

I just want a few fans

#prideworthy #shirtworthy #campaignworthy bonus points.

End of part 1

3.48am. Saturday. The ghosts dud it all in one night. Let’s get some turkey.

Crazy old man takes a slight lead.

There is a moment in your mind, whole playing the card game hearts, when you either say Fuck it and try, or you think you have a chance and try.

If you’ve played hearts, you know what I mean. If you’ve got the right cards and some experience or a good gut, you go for all the tricks and the Queen of spades. Apologies to the black people. I’m confident one day cards will no longer have spades. 23 people complained.

It’s really quite sad I am forced to forfeit and create another lose end.

I learned that I break all the rules of proper writing, but my new found confidence is unsatisfied with saying, I bet I could do that.

And if nobody laughs for a count of 5 Mississippi…

Fading. Communications in callbacks now.

My phone will never be.

Dibg

My phone will almost certainly never be restored to research my original texts. It’s important to understand that impact.

I have been quoted saying I believe when the dust settles, this time may claim the transition to free instant quality photography and video may have been a more monumental evolution than even the Internet was.

I used to say this generation will be able to recall any moment in theirivrs, and re live the smiles. It is a gift more valuable than any other. A good photo can regenerate smiles with every view, for generations to come.

You might even get take the cut and be in the century montages.

I’m sad that I learned entertainment is as political as politics, and every media giant has a side.

I was certain I learned that’s not how it’s supposed to work, but I do have a spotlight story that I repaint now and then that dates my origin story of politics.

Our home got a red plastic bag, with the Telegram newspaper. We hated the blue bag Toronto Star as much as dog River hates Wolverton.

OCD drinking game. Did you spit?

Peak.

Brrak

Sleep attempt.

End of part 1

But wait, there is more. If you take requests for books to read, look at Snow Crash. It’s relevant to my interest in second life, and a very real opportunity to lead a second life, personal and income.

Ok now The End.

• ization.Games are story oppsCliffhanger Clip EpiodeI avoided the serious discussion top a new file. One I can choose to include in round one or round two. I still don’t deny the idea of a political future could make for a great story, and if everything goes wrong, the value of the story might pay my bills.But the serious confession, ni, I don’t like that word. I have tod others, I don’t lie, except in two situations.1. I will lie bout drugs. Even for little things. Iw won’t rip somebody off, but I won’t always be honest about usages.2. I frequntly lie for the punchline, often out of instant lightning fast FIRSTIES speed. If I can think of a way to get a laugh out of it, I usually do. I am proud of my record.I am proud to be a sucessful punchline dude, because I…beepI was about to state an opinion as a fact, but I’m learning.Bing Therapy… a zepppelin.I woulkd hazzard a guess, it’s not somethinng anybody would notice but me.ZEPPELIN: Memory recap for the red side. I was sad that one of my clifffhangers between myself and my new weekend trip partner was one I really wanted to share,. There are key conecpts I like to get out in the start, rather thanmemory story: One of my best fruiends, on multiple levels is a man I don’t always treat with respect, and I do alays feel bad. I have modeled my life around the discovery that allthe cool people are the ones thgat are a little odd. Odd is cool,and there is the added bonues they don’t reject you as frequently.Being rfejected by an oddball misfit can goi either way emotionally. Logic may win, that you too, are one of them, and although the oddities may vary on a scale, it’s still just one thing, and convincing peole it doesn;t define you is just wrong.Ding.That was an example of Jeff’s mastery at forgetting what he was saying mid sentence, and then just throwing a stock ending to the sentence in. It doesn’t usually happen in writing as often as in my vdeo versions… but s noted, I am getting tired.Whoosh.. which is a stunning transition back to why I started. I don’t want to battle with backlast about bad life choices because I will agree with you, and still justify it. I am like Sheldon with a bone. Until he knows whih era it is, he won’t be able to do anything else.On my 52nd birthday, I ended one chapter in my life story, and quit my therapist, which is a zeppelin in itself to be expanded later. My new direction was to change my universe and force me to react in some way. I needed to shake the globe I live in, in some way. My brain was trapped from being sad by medication, and training, and… I’m no longer ashamed to admit, a certain amount of bumper sticker therapy, some may even call chants or mantras.If I believe it        Or one of the good drugs, reframed.It certainy has assisted me like a perfoirmance enhancing drug and allowed for Chapter 52 to have success. At some point the rebels alays feel the need to escilade. I don’t know if that is wisodm, or history doomed to repat, but it seems a fairly common storyline.I exploded with exra thoughts, and for that glorious nearly orgasmic moment, they were all flaswless ideas that could save me from a homless future, and see how quickly I get cirrupted.I believe in myself.In order to never regret, you hve to be confident in your choice.                     I always have, an still do, tell the nagative story when I get started talking about episodic series reframing as … oh crap.StELLA. Search and replace.NowmI’ve flustered myself with the visual flood and will be bothered by the glaring error above.I replaced Stella with Gary. The role is written for Richard Simmons, if he decides to come out of retirement.It’s a long way to go for a joke that only some will get, but I am proud to shoiut out to a man I cosnider to be a master. A genius? Yes… more than any of us will probably ever know. Perhaps more than he therapits knows, or even himself.His fans know.His minions knowThe tricks that worked foir me didn;’t work for Stern. A billion admirerors are all wrong. It’s true tio say, all that mnatters is you.The most valuablelesson I learned … no..A valuable leson learned, was that if you hate yourself, you can’t comprehend why people would like you, or want you as a friend. Youbcan fake it. I can fake it five years.red buzzer.not fair. not true.I withdrawl the statement your honour. May I say I’m sorry and take a pride point for Canada?Try harder to stop those before you type. You were fast enough for a while.I giess that’s why peole keep doing the bad drugs.OoOOoO.. I invision a grade 9 English class in the future with this passage on the holoscreen. Now students, what do you think he meant there?Sometimes I think I got the smart version oif the joke, and then I realize I missed the obvious one and laughed at the easy one. PRIE POINT DENYIED.Bing Bong. Perjhaps the sound of the GUIDE.OH.The Hitchukers Guide, To the Universe of Jeff GoebelCome in through the window.Even if you don’t get the reference, it’s an odd statement.Oh. Did I jjst iunsulkt my audience? I mean the smart oines… it seems the remedial vuiewers love to be laughed at.They know the value of a smile is still worthy, trergardless of what’s generated it.I have no explanation for why I cghanged to a southern hick accent for that one word.My fuel flkux carborator may eb dirty.Daily DailsyOh. I’ve said too much.          It’s the news, but with punchlines.That’s all. I wonder how you sell an idea? Maybe all it takes is twitter and tghe first 50 are freebies before they let you ask to be paid.Negative Memory Request. Care to see the story about… no memory street sweep. Maybe it’ll be a mid season replacement.–I am still overly hyper about the amount of ideas I had while writing, much of which started when I had the realization that what I was writing, would actually be read… perhaps the same night. I judgement woulkd come down as an absolute. zeros and ones. Was I William Hung. (scarpped joke: Was I lietarlly William Hung. Isnt that ironioc.too much. Now I’m just throwing pop culture refrences like a c list actor’s appearemce in a zany movie with 50 cast members. A hit and miss market, but they figure they cover a lot of ven duiagram demogtraphics… and give a lot of really cool celebrities some bucks. I loved those movies.—Ah, the lights dimmed and I missed the dramatic change in musical tone nd tempo. Somebody is going to say something important.I call to Gary, would you have somebody pull that … oh nevermind. I forgot. Why are you so alow Gary. You made me forget.Sidebar: The edge that Stern has built is that every single fan has a line Howar has crossed. Everyone has at least one show, or segment or situation that you don’t like. You think is over the line.He works to change. To adapt to this new world where a small vocal voice can sway the masses like that feeling when the wholle stadium just gets it, and everyboidy gets the wave, just right.Blue Jay Pride PointOld stadium memories. Baseball with Mom.Supertramp music has just taken over the internal music playlist.You have music in your head too I’m sure. That’s not what makes me weird.End of Mojo       I did experience a moment or three of shame this weekend.FUCK. My brain clearer whisked it away like a Torornto street cleaner in the early morning hours of each day. It’s gone, for now… but sometimes the good ones float back above water and get caught in another conversation.I may return.guilt.An audience of one makes a huge difference with my level of high. It means it actually has to be perfect, if I’m going to claim it is. It has to be good, or I’ve become William Hung all over again. The cheerleaders jump out from behind the curtain pointing at me, as they film for Snapchat, YouTube and TMZMy red voice struggles in my imagination and grabs the large oversized microphone like we may remember from Good Morning Vietnam, or Johnny Carson. I think HOT TOPICS probably sells a plastic usb one for $39. If they don’t, maybe they will next week.#stealworthyA voice come sover the large green ceiling speakers that somehow popped into the scenario, as it now plays in my head.”He’s back folks. An unexpected secoind wind of creativity mixed with his newly accepted role as “kind of a cool guy”.guiltI can’t get the audience out of my head at this time, because her smile and acceptance was so warming, I have been repainting the memory throughout my day today.I had that “firsties” excitement combined with a whole new universe to start obcessivly scenarioing.ding. Dek clerk bell goes off. IDDEA ALERT: (pause)The green speaker seems to have taken over the role of sports comentator for the events as they unfold. It blirts it’s opinions presnted as facts. Oh no. I am the green speakwer. I am stating the obvious, because I do that. I remedialize the world into easy to tell stories. I dumb the world down and that may in fact be irritating.Sorry…that really should have been the bell speaking, and the btree —I choose to call a mulligan. I don;t like it when my writing starts to just be what I would be saying to myself out loud, as Bruce Willas plays me in the movie version of my life. Like a bond villain telling the story with pride to the incarnation he is about to kill. I do that.Quote                               It is so.That quote is not to be taken as absolute, as notghing shoulkd be (in my church)Whoa. Several of the abandonned topics just walked back into my brain.pause.I choose to not continue, but I instantly know I am faced with a choice here. Do I leave this moment with the negative, many might say obvious choice… ding..or do I reframe it and salvage it as a story that makes people smile, or teaches.If all else has failed, I made a quoite today I am happy to recall… pause… umm…. thinks about, but blocks the attempt to whistle. I just fidgit untilk the first level joke gives the inner circle a bonus pride point, and then the blond character has to explain the joke for gramdmas and grampas that watch alone, instead of yelling at each other.My brain is thinking far faster than my fingers tonight, and that is never good. It mans I have time to re-think what I’ve typed, and regret. To pre-dissaprove the reder’s approval based on life experience… witch … fuck, Mispelling witch twice was enough of a zeppelin to make me lose my flow.Lose flowLoose Mojo                                     lost the flow   I don’t know why I don’t     too longnobody will see thismy writing is filled with the hyroglphics of my time. i find it humerous.ding                         I want to quit. I do, but with a cliffhanger ending.I said it out loud, and it came trueI had a personal moment of pride earlier today, while I was in the middle of a conversation with a new close friend I spent some time with Friday and Saturday.I had been talking, with much pride and a big smile, about the changes I’ve seen in my life since I moved out on my own, and age 50. One of the changes was getting a therapist I liked, first try. She had a nice smile, and a sincerity I was abble to believe in and trust. She said I was cool. I asked her to confirm, and so – since I respected her opinion, I became cool.I was able to find pride in the man I had always been. It didn’t help me to solve any of my issues, or move forward in any way, but it was a fundimental shift in the way I handle myself. This one person, had changed my life, simply by telling me I wasn’t the loser I thought I was. She was able to offer valid proof and testimonial examples as to why everyoine I meet, likes me.I hadn’t considered that possability in this way. My upbringing had taught me quite clearly I was a smart kid who goofed around and never lived up to my potential. My behavior was bad, and #punishworthyI could not deny that I was a screwup. I had no sports skills or interest, I was horrible at games, although I really enjoyed the social interactions. I became a losing fan of all games, and have several pride points for games I’ve either invented or rebooted.I never finished anything I started, but it was equally clear, I was a pretty smart kid. If I could actually read a book within a reasonable time frame, I might have –I stop myself from those statements. They do nobody any good. My history is there to read if you choose, but I try to never regret and never think about the other scenarios after one has been chosen as the official story.I can compare it to something I used to tell all my customers when I worked in the pioneer days of the Computer as a home device. I’d tell them. Shop around all you want, but for an item that need support after the sale, it might be better to shop the store, not the price.But whatever yoiu do… Promise me.Never continue to shop after you buy. The computer industry is almost a scam, but it’s new – and the internet was invented before anyone knew there would be a use for more than 100 computers. It evolves fast, and once you buy, close the browser. Stop looking at what will come tomorrow, or what sale just slashed $50.Don’t regret what you buy, or you’ve lost the battle before you open the box. You don’t have to love it, but it’s a whole lot easier if you’re not angry with it.I kind of lost my place there. AS I wrfote that sentence, which served as a huge recomendation in the years before you could return anything you buy if it’s 4 cents cheaper. Now, returns are a paret of the game, used unfairly by some who would believe they’re winning at something. Ask any Starbucks employee, anywhere in the world, and they’ll have stories about the customers that use the system to get free stuff, at a mass frustration and inconvenience to the staff.—Loss mojo by distraction.   I realize this paragraph is horrid and confusing, but the distraction put me over my peak, and I just lost the focus to think and type any more about it.Jeff Run.I impressed myself. It was a pleasent surpriseThis Friday, I had the opportunity to have a second “date” with my new found friend in Hamilton. After our first date, I had so much fun, I came on a little to strong and creeped her out a bit. It’s hard foir me to hold back the excitement I feel when so many new things are pinging my brain with pleasure points. I want more, more more, and to a newcomer not yet familiar with the real Jeff, that can freak a person out.It’s frequently hard to find the right balance of person to be a positive match on the “click or clash” scale, because some of the qualities I admire and trickey. For example, I want to be able to partake in drugs with this new friend, but I need them not to be a druggie loser. They also have to not have the same rule about me, or I’m sunk before I start.After some apologizing, assuring, and personality readjustment, the schedules aligned and we agreed to see each other again on a Friday. As usual, we’d get high and I’d stay over and leave early Saturday, thus having a blast, but not taking up her entire weekend. She has a busy schedule of appointments, charities, union stuff and her Dojo.The universe provides. On my very first try, meeting a new stranger to get high on drugs I said I’d provide, I was not arrested, robbed, scammed or fucked in any way. Instead, I met one of the coolest people I’ve ever known… first try out of the dating gate.I stipulate here, before getting much farther, that I made the arrangement clear, that I was looking for a cool happy smiling stoner friend, not a partner or a relatsuonship. I even stated, I don’t do sex during our initial discussions.The reason I decuided to go this troute to start, was I really was looking for a stoner buddy to get high with and enjoy stoner things… and sex adds another layer to the mix. It was easier to start the search with a buddy.Of course, whenever we discuss sex, you know something is going to not work out the way everyone hoped. THis cool amazing person had a boyfriend… but holy fuck… she was as near as perfect a match for me as I could imagine, or dream.To be fair all around, I am a pretty easy to please guy with very few real qualifiers for a life mate. As long as they don’t yell, have pride in Donald Trump for president or have an NRA Bumper sticker, I’m pretty happy. As long as they smile, I’ll stick around.This woman had a great smile, and she laughed at the right jokes. As I tend to do, moments after we click, I fall in love and want to move in or marry. I want to malke her the priority in my life, give myself a purposem, and get out of bed each day, next to her, and help to make a happy life together.– but I refrain. I sulk abit, although not much in public, which would be unfair. I instead, reframe this as a sign to start dating again. When you’re me, and you’ve just recently learned that you were #dateworthy and #proudworthy — You’re a good catch for a woman.Now I just have to hope that the universe isns’t mad at me for passing on it’s first offering. I suspect I’m in for a few drama queen failure dates… but that’s ok too. It was great fun, and I learn a lot each time.Next!3rd time notesApple pieMozart DrinkpHoly crap. Am I a creepy stalker?I think I might be. The new friend I met 4 weeks ago has yet to have the second session. I came on too strong, and promised to back off.The first opportunity I got, I seem to remember joking about moving in and getting married. Just blabber out.                              and trip out with tuines or some recrational hypnosis. weed and coke give me a unique meditative state that works well, and this week I aquired some of the very best files Ive ever experienced, and theyre all new, so it was a delight.but it woukd have been with crap coke too.I am overheating and sweating and probably beting fast, but I do not feel anxious or in danger. Nothing aches.So as of 940pm, a few snorts since 6… I rate it good.What do I know. I have about as mucgh right to rate coke, as almost any yelp author, inclkuding the staffers.not the end.My story has a villian. He’s a super nice guy.The Landlord. I like him. He’s super nice and I’m super nice back. I’m terrified he’ll discover — and care, that I do drugs. SO when I get high, and he shows up, it fucks a bit with my mind. It sets a running task that I check in with, within my mind now and then,a and builds guilt.Then I sober up and never worry anbout it again.Till I get high, like tonight. My landlord might knock.crappiracy guilti listened to a fucking awesome audio file today, downloaded illegally from a torrent web site. I have several audio and music files that i did not pay for. As a childmof the emergence of computers, I discovered I could learn just enough about computers, to answer the questions of those who didn’t understand compouters, and not really have to try very hard at all. That divde is wide, so much so that anyone who works in an office can tell you, if you dare to answer somenody’s question about a computer problem, you are deemed the office expert and everyone will come to you. This applies both in offices with IT staff or not.gottagetaguy.comI lucked by forced my way into the retail sales industry, which are great credentials for beuing the guy. You need to learn how to answer the questions to those who don’t. The Internet was years away, and so education of anyone over 27 would be by magazines and bad Canadian TV shows. I did love The SCreen Savers and Attack of the SHow though. Big fan.As a kid of 18 when sotware transitioned from bneing almost all free on the PET generation of computers. It was even given away monthly by subscription on library of TPUG or RCS. The next generation was software that you paid for, and often starting at $39 or more. Some, including what Microsoft failed to preduict would be the standard, and they might have made billions more and changed the emotional concious of the world, if Office and Outlook were not $700.But in the start, the Commodore VIC and c^$ came out, and quickly after, illegal “cracked” copies of the programs started emerging, and the underground crackers (before hacer was stolena nd adpated) joined groups, and advertised with demos and opening screens that blew away the power of the c64 in ways the actual softwaere didn’t… so you started collecting, partially for the demos, and partially because you could.I was an inside man. Occasionally I would provide a loaner copy of a new release to a secret member of a group. It would return hours or days later, dependant on difficukty with a blank disk of the same, including his new opening screen demo. I even met the big wig himself one day. CCC . I never learned whether he was a woirldwide secret star, or just llocal Ontario. I know groups from all over the world competed to be first with new releases.I felt I wasn’t really stealing, because I was collecting a copy of something I would never have paid for. I didn;t even like games. I just happened to like collecting, and having pride in something. At that time in my life, that was easy and impressive andmade me feel impoortant. My collection, I thought was huge… but later in life seeing and meeting more people. It was a ting collection, but I still had pride.Before that it was casette tape recordings of all the records in my boss’es huge record collection which hekept at work. I never learned if that was why he fired me, but as a gyut with undiagnosed A.D.D at the time, I was #fireworthyProtest: White voice says we should not promote negative hastags in this #prideoworty campaign. Being fired is not a bad thing in many ways. Re-framed it just means you didn’t find a good match.This is A.D.D relkated. I have no experience with just being an idiot or an asshole. I see a lot of people who collect being fired stories for their journals.Today, I do the same with movies. I don’t justify it beyond the weak excuse that I grew up with that. I’m a generous person with my money in some ways, but my inside nerd “computer guy” feels a bit cheated if I don’t get movies and music for free. I believe I pay for everything I use now. I caught up this year.I hate to disrespect the artists who didn’t get a penny from my sale, but in my head I believe they probably don’y anyway thes days. Apple or Google does.I’m not sure why I’m blogging this. Maybe I wanted to start strong with controversy, but the more I type, the more I should not publish this… at least as me.I discourge others from even looking into it when they ask, especialy my seniors. I feellike a smoker who tells their chilkdren smoking is bad and then moans in a bit of joy as they smoke in front of them.Yes I download movies and TV and occasionally music, but you shouldn’t.I have done my best to not be bothered by that hypocrital stand.I’m over 50 and I am trying to change.Quote:I change at glacial speeds.End of part 1.Start on any squareMy stories are like post it notes on the wall of a well organizd person… or a mad man. I’d like to believe I’m in between, and not yet a crazy madman… but I’m ok with that future. It’ll make for some great stories.The point isst of m\writings are like Simpson’s episods. The title of each may be different than the first paragraph, and by the fourth paragraph, we’re pointing at zepelins and talking about that scene in Ace Ventura where Jim Cary struggles his way out of the butt of a rhino.I have only my experience to understand how people read blogs… or if they do. I’ve never considered myself a reader. I read as well as I swim, which is pretty much the bare minimum, and wrong, and tires me out very quickly.My brain has trouble with focusing on reading, and not getting carried away in the sub plots my brain conjurs up. I lose my place, and within a matter on minutes, I lose my interest and move to something else. It is hardffor me to sit insilence most of the time, and equally hard to read with radio on.SO I don’t. I read the minimum. I am of the new generation where 141 characters is taking to long. Come on dad – spit it out. I don;’t need a sentence.People have not quite started talking in point form but… what am I saying, of course they have. They even talk in today’s resurgance of Hyro Glyphics. The cave drawings on on their phones and cases.And probably on their notebooks in school in pen, if that’s still a thing.Emoji I think they call it. I’m old school. (grin) and (smile) are how I communicate my happiness… and #rLOL when I actually laugh. #RLOLREWARDSI don’t like that one yet. Give me time… but I agree with the sentimenty. rLOL is a REAL laugh reward. People deserve to know.The point of this post, is to let you know you can read any post in any order, just like my first #BOOKEnjoyTo tell the truth. a show that rewards liars.reframed, it is a show that shows how easy it is to write your own story. Any of three contestants on a 1960s TV show brought back for a summer replscement.I could believe any of the three are telling the truth, and to be honest I prefer to believe my version sometimes. Those people could go on to be famous, with somebody else’s story. They have the right to tell it in the context of the game show. Thats enough if its a great story. I coukd see an actor playing myself going on that show, and then a world tour as the guy who wasn’t –blank– but Betty White thought I was.All it takes to change ourselves, is to change the story.We see lies we believe every day. We see lies we’re starting, as a nation to not believe. In this year of my life, the nation is being educated in the political system. Donald Trump is running a mock campaign filled with lies, insulkts and downroight insanity, to eucate the nation. All that matters is the story. The best story tellers win.I prdict, or at least suspect that Donald expects, na, hopes to lose, becauss its more valuable to him as a second place candidate. It would say too much about the other half of the nation to win… but he has taught the ignorant to care. To vote. To feel like somebody heard them. The idiot vote is too strong. Donald supports are (I suspoect) in two camps. The ones who just listen to the parts they replay, and loves him sincerly… and the ones who think it’d be hilarious to see what happens and doubts it’ll really effect them much.I’d be very tempted to vote trump if I could vote in the USA… but I live in Canada, and although your outcome would effect us, it sure would be hilarious to see America fail at being the best.Becuse they haven’t been for a very long time.However, many people use pride, and a good story, to stay happy. If the story is, USA USA NUMBER ONE NUMBER ONE, and you chant it enough, then that’s the story.lala la…Product ReviewI was sitting in bed just now, on my side, using my new tabet and loving it. I thought to myself, I should tell people about this, because the media isn’t, at least in the way I will. I could use the term “in the trenches” with reghards to what people are capable of, when it comes to beginner computer users.For over 20 years, I have been acting as “the guy” for people. You know the way it goes.I have a problem with my computer.                                  All it takes to change yourself, is to change your story.However, it is concievable, if not enivitable that we will grow through a few generations of a full cycle where everyone on earth was not alive during all this hate. They should probably grow to hate less in 500 years I would hope, especially noiw that people are moving everywhere. I would like to believe that earth in 1000 years is a nice place to livem, rather than a disopian hell like the popular movies show.That is the first time I have ever used dispoian. I hope I didn’t Bobo it.#boboasaverbAs well, you can use SHOWME, or CRAVE or Netflix, etc etc on it in dim light with wireless or corded headphoines. Wireless are cooler.IN addition to bed use, which could change your life, the tablet (with or without keyboard) can be taken (or left) in my car or out of a briefcase or purse – or messenger bag. You can use it anywhere there is free Wifi, like at Starbucks or Tim Hortons. (It really is a side against side society in Toronto. You’re one or thge other or “don’t care” liars.It can also read all the ebooks you love… or may grow to. For me personally, discovering I could read without difficulkty when there were only 6 words per line instead of an average of 20 or more, it changed my life. I discvovered I could read and enjoy it, and I re-read The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy again with joy.The newer Windows 10 Interface you’ve secretly been forced to love is actually designed with one powerful featuire nobody else in the market has yet… It can also be the same as your Windows phone.Windows phone has a negative vibe in the phone world. It’s nearly being considered a loser in the market… but if they just wait a decade, it may be #1Apple knows it’s going to lose some share coming soon, because Windows has desktop, phone and tablets and watches all syned. Nobody else does. Apple OS is old. Its not iOS.My tablet can be the same as my phone. Same mail tools. Same contact list, same facebook and bookmarks and even chat apps. Never feel youre switching from one OS system to another. Learn OmceMicrosoft
• Product Review
• I open weak,not rewarding to those of you who have read this far. I know for an almost certain fact * that I would not have. I hope that those of you lucky enough to have been borth without the attenion afffliction I have, may read foir pleasure, and a blog of this length is a no bvrainer. In many ways, I wish that to be true for me, more than I dream of being ableto play an instrument, or draw a picture.
• Act II
• (drink. Firs)
• When all else fails, make the story have value.
• Quote:
• Windows opened it up and let you do pretty much anything, which allowed for… well, pretty much anything. Hacking beyond what you’ve seen on TV… so I choose to ignore it. If I am ever hacked, it will add to a great story.
• It’s second principle was alwys to mainatin a consistent interface, look and feel, and comand set among it’sown softwae and those of every single application produced by anyone. They ruled in consistency, and because of that, viruses were rarer.
• Zeppelin: I actually got a fear just now that if I published that I use 2007 email tools, I might be easily hacked. It’s sad, nd I will give that point to apple.
• I like that. I’ll confess proudly that I like Windows. I like Microsoft Internet Explorer more than any other. I like Word, and I even like Outlook.
• Learn Once. Done
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• All it takes to change the world, is to change the stories.
• A quote:
• It takes a long time to learn the metric system, because the key is to try to convince the non believers to not teach their children hate and ignorance.
• It msut seem obvious to anyone who cares to look at society in terms on the future. 100 years is even enough for some mental fun. If we look at the last 100 years, about every generation, somebody picks a group to work on. We give equal rights to some new group ever generation. Indians, Blacks, Women,gays, trans
• A queppelin
• And you live next to someone who feels change as an excitement in tgheir blood. I am among those that get a physical feeling rush of pleasuer when I learn something new. Sometimes my red voice crushes the joy with negative thoughts, but for the most part – I welcome lerning. It feels good. Growth and rsik are good things. Progress and moving towarsd a more fair and equal socity.
• Note: This is one of the problems with Goverfnment. When you cling to a belkief system that is essentially, I am agsinst nothing but change. I love what my family loved, and fear what my family feared. It works. Please go away.
• This is esential for people with any issues that may be complicated by a mouse. There are many, and equally a lot who never mastered that thing where you use your finger on the surface. Some loive it, but as they age, they don’t feel the need to learn new things when the olkd ones work fine.
• Becuse it’s touch screen, it’s so much faster on the web, because you don’t need to fiddle with a mouse anymore. You just point at what you want and it goes there. It’s so magical, it kind of takes a bit to get used to how easy it is. No more mouse… Just point.
• BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE
• The network is so easy, you could even put a DVD or CD in the desktop rive, and play it on the tablet in the bedroom, kithcehn any bmaybe even bathroom.
• When I save tis writing, it will be on my phone, and available to my desktop. Anything I download will be accessible to me on all tghree too, including videos you’ve recoreded or downloaded.
• The tablet works as a handheld or with the attached keyboard. It has the typing feel of a real keyboiard because it can be a real keyboard if you shop for models like this ASUS inseatd of thge microsoft brand. I believe this ASUS to be a fantastic model foir my needs. It is now beside my bed always, and I can wake up and type an idea of a blog, I can record a quick YouTube video, or I can have it play ambient music and whale sounds. Once, in a hoitel stay with a friend, I was asked to have it simulate a bedroom fan, because my companion couldn’t fal asleep without that sound, and the Internet provided us with a replication of the exact model.
• The Microsoft Store (true name) is on your start button, and can be custom on the tablet, or identical to your desktop. You won’t ncesarily have all the same programs, but the tablet is more for light tasks in bed. For those that play music, videos, YouTube or even porn, the tablet is great, and can even transmit it’s screen to your newer TV’s using tools like Google Chromecast.
• Microsoft has been working on it’s APP STORE for almost as long, and it’s huge. So many are unaware it even exists. They don’;t touch anything they haven’t learned, often from me.
• The iPod was sold and grows as the leader, because it replaced the operating sytem (OS) with a new one based on three ideas, the most helpful of all, is a bunch of identical sized buttons that launch a self contained program, information, game, tool, video, song, or access to the Internet, which so many people call Google or Safari.
• When I pick up this tablet, from beside my bed, I open it and within 2 seconds – or less you can be typing or talking. You can click a game, or play online.
• However, it is also a lot more than you may know about, because chances are you”ve reluctantly upgraded to Windows 10 or 8… but many are still on XP as well.
• A windows tablet is a mini me version of your desktop. It is not a whole new device.
• This device is Windows in your hand. In fact, Microsoft has even built in duplication and synce, so you can literally hacve access to all your desktop files through the network or Microsoft cloud.
• Zeppelin: If I were famous or running for politics, I suspect that last one may be used against me, especially this week. It is an old concept, unmotivated by any LGBT events
• Actuaklky, I just made that up, but I bekieve it to be #quoteworthy and indeed, maybe even #shirtworty #jpegworthy #shareworty and the master; #prideoworthy #takebackpride
• There is a quote that it is harder to learn anything different, if you don’t welcome the change.
• The AUSU model I am using to write this in near candlelight in my bed at 6pm at night. It’s far superior for some of my tasks than an ipad, and I don’;t have to learn anything new.
• The point being, for some – perhaps many, a Windows tablet is actually a better choice. As those that I support who are in their 30’s and forties, or even fifties, as they approach retirement ages, I may in fact recommend a windows tablet, with keyboard and finger mouse.
• Switching from Windows, which may have taken some, years to get to any level of compitency. Many, used me before google, and only learned the bare minimum In at least one example,. I was used to allow them to be lazy. I almost always did it with a smile, because I knew I’d earn one back, regardless.
• Now, here is the surprise twist. This post is to review the Windows tablets. Not the iPad.
• I’d love to go on and on about how Siiri and voice commands are the future. Indeed, a voice iPod may one day take away my job.
• I have seen some of my seniors fall in love with Siri, and adaopt to asking almost anything. It’s a stereotype I know to be true… They ask “who is the actress in this movie” and avoid fights.
• From new scrabble friends, to gardening tipos and recioies, and seeing your grandchilkdren every day if you choose. Well, I suppose if both parties agree anyway.
• That is a big transition for some, and about 50% get it, adapt and love it so much more than they ever did with windows. It can literally changethe life of a retired poerson, especiall with family. The iPod is the ideal senior tool in my opinion, and the more people who agree, the better the seniors network groiws.
• I have transitioned many of the seniors from their windows desktops and laptops, to the iPad.
• This job pleases me, becausse it was my dream, from a young boy, when the salesmen who would need to keep my father happy, were a part of our family when I grew up. I understood it was somehwat rreliant on my father saying yes, but I just loved the idea of a salesman friendlip, and I have had hundreds.
• I’m that guy, to just over 50 or so people, and have been, for over 30 years. Many of the people I support, have been with me since the beginning, and some of them are over 80, and even over 90 now. I call them friends, and feel welcome. We share lives in a unique way. I’ve even been invited to weddings, and parties.
• Friend: Do you have a guy?
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• I almost always regret coke, but I do it with weed
• That was capslock, not emphasis by the way.,
• BUT i don’t like coke. If women didn’t love it so much, I’d probably never do it again. I HAVE GONE YEARS BETWEEN lasy year and tonight. That didn’t sound right
• I am not a fair judge. I would say it is better than some I have had, including the coke I grew up on, thinking it was great.
•  back just now, staring up at the ceiing, setting aside time to just think, and I pondered about how I would rate this high, if, for example somebody were to say; how was it, or perhaps how is it, in reference to the coke.
• I was laying
• high votes
• i actually did
• I will go delete it all now.
• Not very hidden at all.
• A non weed drug bust with a stupid old hippy would make a good story. I should expect to be arrested, and harshly. Anyone looking could see through my not really very anonymous posts. My history identifies me.
• I have repeated the act od being stupid and careless, and put myself in danger.
• I don’t always learn from historty, and I do stupid things on drugs. Somewhere in my blogs, there are letters to friends in case the police come to my door and arrest me. That was last year when I was careless.
• failed to repeat it
• He gets suied by OJ Simpson and gives him the role of VP… and movie star
• If I did it, this is how
• I can’t wait for the movie about what would have happened with Trump staring as himself. Book is titled
• #shirtworthy
• I am not a crazy person. I just play one in real life.
• Whoa.
• I may have talked about changing my life for her… with her.
• So far, we have nothad a second date, and I fear I may have edged to stalking. Creepy. Needy.
• Whoops.
• It’s a bold line in my autobiogtraphy… but not something you want to hear on the first date.
• One that sticks out, I fell in love with the first girl that asked for a second date.
• Baring light speed, which is the only record of truth and reality, we humans live in a land made up of stories. When meeting a new friend foir the first time recently, I said a lot of stuff. Too much.
• Something I’d erase from the replay if I could
• Yikes.
• I am a crazy old man after all. Creepy
• OMG
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• Nawww…. So I lay back and think… maybe this is it. Let me find some Pinkj Floyd.
• So I write.
• This tollerance has become a hassle tiday however. I snorted some quality material and have been waiting. I don’t know how long to wait before I feel effects. I can’t take more. I have no idea hiw long I should wiat, or if this is it. I thi nk it’s been over half an hour… twice as long as anybody online suggests.
• Advil was my pain relief of choice, and sadly it’s one of the only medications I can no longer take, because it conflicts with m,y perscription anti obcession/depression meds Paxil.
• I retell a story of the dentist whenevr the topoic comes up. I’ve always required either more, or more time for it’s effects and no mate how often I’d tell the dentist this, he’;d always be shocked when he’s start drilling and I’d yell Ooooowwwww.
• It is one of those drugs that could… but probably won’t kill me pretty much as soon as I snorted. Obviously, this did not hapen. In fact, I seem to be waiting longerthan expected for any effect. This is not unsual for me. It’s actually one of the problems I predicted wtnhregards toi thus drug. I seem to have a very unqiue yollerance for pain killers in general Opiates have never really worked for me.
• On my 52nd birthday, I made some new direectional changes to my routine and schedule, and a portion of that change, ws to change the way I was using drugs. To experiment with new doses and drugs to see if any have a positive effect on my social and/or romatic sex life. At 52, I am really close tohaving at leasttried a bit of everything,includig the one sthat were on my “NEVER EVER” list.
• Today at least, my death may have been caused by taking too much of a drug I was inexerienced with. Tiday was an experiment day, aspart of my 52nd year of life on earth. I couldnot afford a new sprtascar for my mid life crisis, and I have yet to have had sexual intercourse with a woman half my age- but I’m close on that one, and my 4 door sedan is riced up to look like a sportscar.
• Many people, or at least many people that don’t live in a Hospital bed never know how they died, or ifit was a good story. I may die from a random cow that flies through my window at high spoeeds. It is unlikley living in the city, but I can’t rulke it out.
• I know anytime I talke any drug, I could die that evening. I also understand that it coiuld happen on any given day when I don’t take drugs. My Hershey’s kiss $20 a weed ddiction could killme as well… or a falling piece of orbitting space junk.
• There is a lot to type in a message titlled like this. I think it’s a great idea for everyone to have a letter of this kindaround the home where people can find it. So much I’d want to leave in my final facebook post. I’ve made a number of these blog entriees over the years. Often I write them just after I’ve taken some new dosage or drug, and I want poeople ti know it wasn’t an intentional overdose. I did not take drugs to die. That was just bad luck.
• If I am dead.
• Not a date
• The rape story
• My luck
• A lighter 6 pack.
• One hit
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• —
• The point was, that today – was the first time ever, I said it out loud. I cured my concious fear and low self esteme, by using pride. My negative red voice still shouts his obscenities and negative attitude, but I don’t have to listen to it now that I have pride on my side.
• The title of this article stands in bold, reminding me to not end without the point. I seem to do that a loty.
• Oh look, a Zeppelin.
• Pause,
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• I’m just on a roll.
• I’d stand, and say, And kids go to bed. That must be somebody’s boing square… You owe me. Tweet your win.
• …I treally do want to quit. I would have the red light buzzing at me and the music playing loud AND the microphone lowering into the floor. Then, the wrecking ball with myley cyrus would swing in from the left and knock me over.
• Fcebook wins. Widom via JPEG is the new… something.
• THat is the Shisper way to communicate to my brain today. A picture with text over it.
• Brain Visual. Oh I’m sorry mam… did you need to get by me?
• It is the COULDA SHOULDA moment I struggle with most.
• I dream of being in the next one for something. Anything.
• The only thing that mnatters is the story you tell, or the one that gets declaired the officvial version and makes the historical cebtential specials.
• he gets it.
• This is the Trump Era.
• That’s just stupid.
• Red Buzzer. Fould.
• No my young mind. The lesson is we can be discusted by anything until they organize.
• Swoosh. White vooce comes in like a Disney princess.
• debates political backlash of statement.
• Yes. This is 2016 and lawsuit is a reliable way out of the neighbourhood, as they say.
• No need foir Gary to fact chack that one. … oh shit.
• Red point. Too soon man. Besides, freaky weird people die heros in music. It’s the 83rd ammendment.
• The next day, twitter explodeas. Nobody is going to acceot that. Who does this instant star think he is Prince?
• I’m taking my ball an dleaving.
• In a moment pause, red voice swooped in like a disney villian, and grabed control of the moment. This whole thing is a stupid idea.
• Old main point, over ruled.
• They lost a day or more havinh to recreate it, and I suspect, at least try to make it it look exact enough, so that footage would be interchanable without a noticable change.
• Double Pride Point becausse pride was FOR Canada and Toronto and our clean reputation. I remember tghe story I could retell if appropriate. The movie crew spent a day building a street scene to represent new york. It was what new yorkers call normal I understand, but the shoot ran long and overnight, Toronto street rew had mad ethe place spotless.
• realization: …. awww. i hate losing thoise to the mind sweeper. I wish it was less effective than the Toronto ones.
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• nobody knows what a cd is.
• youve lost your auduience
• DING
• ……and guilt grabs the mike again, plays a hat trick… whcih I am just bbarly cofident enough to use in this way.
• My games are major zeppelins in my head. They distract me, but competitions mean [ride points.
• Click. Editor asks for this one. Can’t get too deep. Creepy conspiracy stuff. Maybe that’s a DVD…ding ding. Old man point.
• But if we were to allowourselves to believe for a moment, that we can write the stories ofour universe, and things happen based on the sim.
• Sometimes my mae up super ppower of empathy may in fact be, as Harry Houdini always said, trickery, even if it’sunconcious.
• I used to go every show.
• Some drugs are better for writing than others, but I refrme that as, all drugs are great for writing, because they allow me to see a new persoective each time, and I live in the alternate persopectives I create. I am the author of my universe, and I rewrite and adapt like a seasoned Second City impove master.
• peak.
• Lots the mojo
• pauses…. darn excitement of ideas flooded me. Lost the thought
• And I can flip between them…
• In my head, I see this as a scene being played out by an actor.
• My brain is certainly a little faster tonight. I choose not to… shit… I can’t tell people I’m not telling them something.
• That was a weir zeppelin.
• A genious for having mastered both audiences. Both levels. The ones that laugh before the break, and the ones that laugh after the break. A third group are the ones that laugh after they ask why is everbody laughing, and then they explain it, and he laughs… but we all know he has no clue. You can tell that old man’s fake laugh. It’s like he doesn’t even try.
• In any case, I chose Gary because it is a memory trigger for anyone who is a fan, on almost any level of Howard Stern, the King of all Media.
• I yell GARY! GAAAAARY. Stella will change the … no, she won’t this time.
• I stop.
• STELLA
• Ding… CTV in Canada the little hand puppet I have suddenly brough into the stories. I suppose he is my version of Ed the sock, or Triumph the insult omic dog… or comic instult dog.
• STELLLLLA. Make sure you figure out which network jeopardy is on.
• I can now instantly visualize the offices at Jeopardy discussing the issue. Alex speaks first… So, you’re saying that there is going to be up to 10 seconds of dead air on NBC, CBS or whatever it is.
• poauses. thinks. hears the Jeopardy music in the background as the universally acceopted theme to… wait just a few seconds please.
• Without drugs, I never would have figured that out.
• I am losing pride. It is clear to anyone.. no. It is my obcesstion with negative slant bias, that has spre assumed the answer will be nagative.
• pause.
• oh. Red point. I like that more Pride point.
• ones and zeros.
• Author overrules. Point awarded to the need to… another battle. Does it change the story to hurt somebody else, because the law says they’re innocent till they’re not.
• pride point… good idea. Guilt point: youre putting a competitror down for personal gain.
• ZEPPELIN: Coul I consider a one man play? My writing is in fact monologue. It is true first person. I don’t cheat li
• Ding Ding Ding. At least tyhree scenarious popped into my head, and they know I’m on to them, so the visuals have holywood sweeps week budgets. They were all flashing like tghat sign for the car wash.
• We were all late bloomers you might say, unless some group has convinced the powers that be to change that terminology.
• There are manhy joutrnals about my genious best friend, who was my onky friend I’ve ever been submissive too. I was in a spell that went beyind best friends. We were partners in every way, and among my high school circle of friends, he stood alone in a ven diagram on his own.
• RETURN
• too much.
• Sidebar Judge.
• Sidebar: (Ooo… new. I like siebar)
• He is. A genius. I want to say I believe I am too. My mother had me tested.
• He was a comic genious… ding foul
• I ruthlessly choose to claim at least 50% if not 100% ownership of this quote, but I don’t have a visual memory of it’s origin, and it was at the time we were just inventing quotes. I remember one of his pride points was; “A Stack of nickles, doth not a medeivl fortress make.
• Things that go without saying, should be said more often.
• Quote
• Trumphant bad-dum Bing rimshot. A classic.
• ding. Realization: That’s why I blrt things out that even I am surprised by. My brain is converting an idea, and saying it out loud in the red voice. The white voice is not a golley. EVen if it was, it’s be a Leaf’s Golley, so it’s pretty much the ame thing.
• That is probably a bad thing. Almost every word I type, or mistype now, my brain is creating stoiries for. Links to existing stories from thge archive, to unpainted raw material from my memory that I turn into a story as I retrieve it.
• Peak
• Loose Place
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• Make sure the story is saved. It’s all that would have mattered either way.
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• I believe it.
• It will be nice when I can count on an assistant to stand next to me, so I can shout of … pause. I hate when the visuakls of my ideas are so glorious, you can’t help but pay attyention to them. I can’t explain it fully, because if you ask me to imagine almost anything, I can’t. I can only recall memories with an external referebce.
• Oh. Do I want to use my name. Yes. (You have no idea what a brain splash that tought exploded into. Full colour scenarious polaying out simulatiously as I gflip betwen them like sports game on the big screen at the bar.
• That’s the way my life works. I fear everything until I can think about it, so I say No to everything. Another nickname.. bing.. Another nickname I had was “ask twice Jeff”.
• I’ve brought that up twice now, and I’m not certain if I should send a production segmnent team out to investiate the back story. I know I was a cub scout at one point, and the offivial story I go wth has always been that I didn’t want to go. I protested. I gave in. I went. I adapted. I loved it. I mastered it.
• Remember that hidden plot point for later. This is a save point. If you’ve gotten this far and you’re still reading, you deserve a promotion. It’s a real world pride point. A cub scout badge.
• DRAMTIC CHOIARD. DA DA DAAAAAA
• That happens less when I’m noit on weed. I feel like that should have had a sound effect too. Maybe in my head I hear the cheesy fake audinence laugh track. Even the 2016 versions are… well … I don’t know. Computers are imitaing reality very well.
• No… Appanetky not yet. It’ll come back around in infinite time. It wasn’;t ready.
• Premise Change.
• Yikes. I feel the guilt points jab into my brain like I can now instantly visualize what the game will be. I paused there bfieflky, becaue I was about to type video game, and allow red vooce to score with an old man burn… but I caught it before I typed.
•  suddenly pauses and has to look around to see where he’s run to… What were we talking about.
• Guilt point. DO I need to apologiz? Do I need to stop? I have taken the liberty of assuming your responces will be nagative, because I am in fact a faruid. A piece of shit nearly unemployed failure at almost everything he tries, except ansering the phones… and any of my customers will tell you I lost that scout badge a long time ago. I am horrible at answering the phone now. I need time and … The author
• ding. Callback pride point.
• Pride Point. Pride beats Red voice. Score, since we just spontaniously invented the idea of this being a game.
• (Guilt. this style sucks. No editor will allow me to just stream my thoughts as I think at the speed of my fingers.
• Flood.
• ORIGIN STORY: The reason I was thinking that, was because I had also dated a 21 year old… clearly not about sex, stoner budd — frak. Brain splash.
• I am that crazy mnanm, ranting and yelling out obscure pop culture refrebces like a 52 year old guy trying to hard to proove he still remembers some thinhgs. Just this week I had learnedm, and then changed my behavior to not do that as much.
• I hate it all.
• Just like that, I can be grief struck for beinbg a bother, or appearing like an idiot, and my negative red voice grabs the helm.
• Side thought 1. Does it matter that I just made that up, and didn’t really remember it. Is that a lie anyone will care about.
• Ref calls time out. BRain splash. To much exciting new though streams bursting from my excited brain like … pause. To many thoughts.
• I apologuize, and in doing so, score a secret pride point for being Canadian. Apologies are a part of our culture. A Canadian Heritage moment, or p[erhaps I’m remembering a Rick Mercer parody version.
• I accept. Not fair to make such a blanket statement, therby possably upsetting a large demographic of parents who love partcicating in the world of their children through anything.
• Ding. Foul
• I swear, some human brains have developed ad blocker capabilities, in their minds. They don’t even hear the things their parents care about.
• I am reminded of … no… apparentlky I am not. Must have been a preview.
• With my new audience in mind, I replay that last bit in my head. DO I dare dumb it down, and present the remedial version after the commercial. I applaud that writers try to do that as often as they can. Some people always choose the red voice. The negative story.
• Lets recap, after this commercial break. It took me a while to figure out why I like TV shows so much more than movies. Commercials. They are either perfect for, or what reated A.D.D. One or the other, as evolution always is. Egg Egg Egg Egg Egg Chicken
• I especially like that quote…
• When all else fails, make sure the story retains it’s value.
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• RETURN
• Zeppelin: Darn. How amazing. How sudden. I just refreshed the memory of the last few minutes, and realized I started sharing some of my blogs. I hate to over-use an expression, but THIS CHANGES VEERTHING. At least in the short term, present moment panic. My voice changes from a guy standing on a stage talking about life, to that guy standing up talking to an audience of one. That’s a huge diference.
• For many of usborn in the generations before we started actyually treating everyone with a certain level of resoect. I can, in my head, comprehend the logic of an old man or woman resisting they be forced to change their language at any age. It seems almost a violation of their right to be ignorant of the rights of others.
• A shame example
• I am tired. I fail. Red voice gets the last word.
• nope. Too tired now. I may not wait for the reviews. A visual memory of Nathan Lane from The Producers. He says, Never Read The reviews, and I ask Gary to figure out what movie that might befrom.
• AS the credits roll, the back scene camera picks up …
• Peak
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• Supetramp concert without the lead guy. Great memory.
• memory Recap. Good times. Baseball with Mom.
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• RETURN
• I think I turned this post into a game. Igf you are treley a peer of mine, you will probably get many, most oir all. As with anything I create, I default to assuming it’s either way to complex, or way to obvious. I am almost always off.
• Ping. There probably is, and stop calling me shirley.
• Tripple bonus. One keyword soanning over a dozen diffret fan bases. I wonder if there are any people named Sherlock. Surley there must be.
• Green speaker. Sorry Ladies and gentlemen. Please ignore that direction. That was one of the mental patients we use as extras. Go away now Sherlock.
• Oh no. I turn towards the camera and it zooms a little too close. It backs off and I say, I know how they did it.
• Darn. Bad use of visuals… that was Family Guy quality cheap cutaway.
• direcvtors notes. The lights go all crazy like the final pause before the final pause before they tell Dori whether she was right, and it is “banana for scale” and she wins 1million dollars, or the aswer was actually, “Peanut Butter Jelly Time”, sung by a banada.
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• Punchline News
• #business TV is pressneting Daily Show and Chesea Latley shows on a rotaing door basis, but theyre running out of ool names. I rally like
• I am punchline guy.
• Pride points. I choose to remember my story as a success with that style quality sarcasm. I have an origin story of how and why I chose the pounchline duties.
• The child says, what wall are we in now?
• yes, the future english teacher asks?
• Child in front row raises hand.
• RED POINTS. SElf shoot down. regret. No Shoulda coulda woulda in this incarnation.
• I certainly know I have jealosy points for not having cr\ertain skills, ni certain brain attributes that allow me to be what I am not.
• That is a save game pointy. Those last two prahses are a tribute. Bonus pride points if youre nerdy enough to care enough to get pride points for it.
• I’ve said enough
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• Come join me in my universe
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• His wife knows
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• Q: Do I worry about callbacks that span blogs? Yes. I alway wanted Star Trek to retain the adventures they’ve been on before todays episode. I understand thae marketing of synbdication. First two years are epiosdice stand alone stories that can be playe din any order with only a tiny sideline like OBrien’s family being disturbed.
• There is a Southpark Meme about that. In my memory, I invented it, but I don’t claim firsties.
• aaaaaaand, it’s gone.
• huge conspiracy story just in. Where do I route it?
• hmmm…
• I alost wanted to give her a 50’s characters, but that’s just a sneaky way to …
• STELLA, THROW MY HEARTBEAT GRAPH IN HERE PLEASE.
• As I type, I think, and in myh acceleated state
• edited live.
• I know that is a classic textbook power thingie. I us it in my wn
• I admit I do not know where this will take me. My onjective in sentence one, is to rant in my own unique way, about how I seem to be able to learn some things instantly without even thinking, and others, I don’t retain. They reset at midnight and I have to ask your name yet again.
• Selective Learning
• No… First one to second date wins it all. If I bond with
• I must realize deeper inside that my track record is consistent. EGG EGG EGG EGG CHICKEN.
• I’m not allowed to throw a tantrum and scream waaaa… I want that one.
• SoI said it. I did many drugs this weekend – so far but act I was so exciting, I assumed I wouldn’t be able to compete, alne. I’m not allowed to kiss her already.
• Students may argue the “clean as wash” wording, which seems off unless you’re a browncoat.
• Look, I don’;t blame you Catsle… but it’s twice you’ve wounded us as clear as Wash.
• But beware. If you screw your audience by ending shows with open stories, and offer no closure, you are mean. It is a betrayal of the system.
• Callback… Shaharazod invented the episodic hook. Tell stories in parts, and live to tell another day.
• I am shaherazod. I stay in the limelight by oinly telling you a part of my story.
• I have always been confident in tyhe NOW Jeff. The one that lives on the ront line of now, and acts accordingly. NOW Jeff is far more prepared and a character worthy of discoveringh more.
• My corruptions are ones I stand by.
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• One of the bad drugs.
• The producer is giving me the signal. I need to come clean and admit that have continued to benefit from the illegal and unregulated use of crystal methamphedimine.
• memory Update: Origin story of Dated language came into play. A goood number of the jokes used in the radio play were based on the pop culkture of the time, and often commercial jingles or regularly played spots. They would have been nothing more than jibberish with the key code, and by that I mean a subscription to TV time, whatever
• A horrific or funny, depending on your age radio play we wrote together and somehow passed off as a major walkabout project. We even submitted it to the CBC and I think I have their humerously rude rejection letter.
• It is from, Lies My Grandfather Told Me.
• POPUP VIDEO bubble. “You know the rest would have been worth 500 points because I’m reasonably certain I may be the only human alive that gets that referebce. It is to a radio play I co wrote with my writing partner in high school.
• WIth this great power, comes … you know the rest.
• All if takes to change yoyrself is to change yoyr story.
• It is so
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•  New Hastag for the campaign#funnystorynowHASH TAG T SHIRTS, FUCK. I can’t do that without lawsuit. I regitered the domainsHIRE FOR TASKSINQUITE ABOUT HASTTAG TEAS.Getting Caught, Lack ofrespectRespect is huge for me, and I hink hat comes a lot from always having a santa claus in my life (previous blog, but essentially a God that I was being good for, or mother)I would like ton hire you, to cohost with me.The truth is better expressed, that I need toassemble a team, and start making vidoes. I need to talk to the camera. I think I’m good at it. It gives me Pride Points.The questions… will I freeze up. WIll econd person be too muchzeppelin….Am I a crazy old man already? My main symptom seems to be that I want to hoard my ideas, and get everything saved. I think every new idea is #shareworthy and #prideworthyI never remember for sure how much I do this, when i’m in my usual non stoned day today.My whole body felt this wave of harsh. It broke my chill with negativity, as if red voice was byuilding up behind a locked door, ready to blow.I fearI forgetA zeppelin passes overheadred with contactsGive it 100                              Oh no. Did I just include my own rating of a blog in the blog? Yes. I be…AHA! Thought orgasm. I remembered just before quitting what I was to say.I figured out Google Keep Lables, which just happen to work like a #hastagi went inhale, whoosh, and started typing this.the red voiceThis evening, I was about to start writing this blog. I had a momentary delay in opening the tablet, and decided the story was so good, I didn’t want to forget it in the details. PP I started recording and then ended up discovering; The Red Voice.From this point on, I’m going to try… (fuck Yoda). I’m going to try to speak in my white voice, and announce the red voice when I destroy things. I suppose this means, to some extent, I may be starting a second persoinality withion myself. I am trying to discover more about that negative side, that crushes joy.Every day.           that was thev red voice                                 I remember the days when my phone was still a wow factor. I had one before you. I had a smaller one than you did. I owned the first Motorola StarTac and I paid $2000 for that private when everyone else had a 2 pound brick. People would want to see it and touch it.Those days are gone. He new iPhone have retained a little of that feeling, but only for the few who still bother to be current in release week. Everyone else doesn’t care anymore. Nobody asks me what phone I have. Nobody wants to touch it.Hey! Have you seen my cool new Smart Watch?OMG. Am I a flash card hoarder?My obcession, when on drugs, seems to be that I need to somehow journalism every thought while alone, and occasionally while on conversation. A pnew idea pops onto my head, most frequently mid sentence coming out of Reports my, out, or yours,Recently I spotted off every thought and emotion like the DVD commentary of my life as the director described my feelings.I remember thinking Google keep looked like the, ad man’s wall from cop murder mysteries, but it’s clearly more like note card guy. The more nerds, less psychopath cork board.I loved the times in my life I had a cork board. It was a great source of on demand pride points.Bing bkngThings in site in your 3 spaces should always be there to make you smile, as you repaint a find memory, or even better, a pride point. If you choose a picture of your partner, pick a special one with as many pride points and stories as you can, bonus points for stories it can start with others.Charm bracelets are worth more than diamonds. A charm bracelet can be on on demand memory and story starter about her real best friends. Of course, to be honest, I’m sure they make diamond charm bracelets so won winA new generation of owI predict back and neck pain, followed by evolutionary change on the way we lay in bed with phones or tablets for hours.From tonight’s experience I can relate.If there is guilt, is that an emotion that happened after consent.                          My mind tosses between pride and fear as I take thus journey to have a new chapter. A new friend.I felt a prude point when I’d make a romantic line. Somehow I didn’t review it and crush my joy. I remember two such quite attempts.The one I’ll share was when I said, even if we never see each other again, I’ll still give this weekend it’s own chapter in the book….  Male web sit mix between Google keep, which is what I use, at least until I lose it all one day and Google apologizes.O have already prepared for that loss with scary soathyI lost my new thought struggling with making sure it pre guesses I when it starts a sentence with O     Ike to say, like perel sensitive glasses, a concept from my Bible, the Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy but I’ve been trying to cut down on using sci fi classics references in my writing, but rather to use real world, more timeless descriptions. It’s a trade off because using memory triggers can be a gift, if it reminds the reader with flashes of vivid fond memories.If I was watching the house of Commons talk about praying MA his shortages,,, and one of the boring men said; much like Zaphod Beeblelbroxes perel sensitive glasses, I’d chuckle and visually see that scene in the TV series, or hear that in their voices from the radio play.He would have given me the gift of a side zeppelin after which I could return to my original attention.The gift of a story can be a gift both recieve equally. No. End. O made it a thing.IdeaI’m writing a lot with enthusiasm. Enough that I should figure out a way to share, and build an audienceI don’t want to be famous                             No. End of part 1The continuing journal of This weed makes me tired, goodnight, oh… Wait.Thus evening I discovered…. Nope, lost that thought zeppelin before I could type it.Tech note. I have been blogging of late on my Samsung S7 Edge 2016. I’m close to as fast as I am on the full size keyboard except I make 50% errors and the phone corrects 90% right. This means I am frequently being distracted in my flow by the technicals of the process.This is a fail. I must search to improve this journal process.End if part 1David Spade just told me I’m poorGuilty. That headline lies, and unfairly towards David Spade. What actually happened was David Spade’s television special had a bit about the moment David Spade began to realize he was poor.Some of it was familiar.Kids don’t know when they’re poor.I gauged my families wealth on how many gifts I got, and I believe I always did fine. I remember some jealousy of the Jeff next door but his family had a Lincoln town at and a basement slate pool table. He got better gifts, but I think we were middle class.I remember our wealth didn’t increase as often as mom might gave liked, but that’s probably something many wives complain about.The end                  But her arch villain minority gay character… No. Gay can’t be villain I am a proud vending machine  It’s 1am now. Probably too lateBusiness ideaPride pointsOr just start the hashtag trend.Scripts and perfirmersProblem. YouTube is filled with people who want to be creative, but aren’t. So they splode things up and fart.Match them and offer a budget to start a community theatre groupThree of us perhaps? 20 of us perhaps?Online production companies to produce original scriptsOr just free scriptsLost the moment  only assume top hotel concierges do.I am reminded of the one time I embarrassed myself in Montreal on businessThe last night after work, I went to a strip club in Montreal. I don’t have clear memories of the words, but I got myself invited back to the after hours club with coke.I enjoyed it, but then over obsessed and chickened out, leaving before the strip club closed all they all came to coke up and probably Fuck.And I said I had to be cool tomorrow morning for the ride home, but the truth is, I ran away before risking rejection, or worse… That I am irritating.I live my life very much to avoid being yelled at. Ever if I can. I don’t see the point in escalating a disagreement.I noticed she does that too. She often chose where the conversation went.I forgot everything just now in a pleasure bubble memory repainting.It’s OK to be me, but I don’t need to share every thought as if I were writing or recording.I need to remember to let it all go.I came pretty Darn closeUber store.Idea. Uber cars could sell variety goods. Cards, flowers, lighters etcDo I make you feel fat in that dress?It occurred to me just now that my lack of passion may come across as zero sexual energy. I exude friend pheromones and may appear to be ignoring your advances or questions. My face and sometimes voice feels obligated to answer, and my brain flips a coin who has the better story.Often the left side negative voice gets to say, and bash some joy. My oldest sister taught me recreational use of joy crushing. She used to ask people if they’d ever broken their nose. A some enough question, but for some people it could also begin or engage a horrible deacon within and the road to thousands of dollars in plastic surgery.Evil.Later in life, I practice it by getting drivers attention, and pointing to the underside of their car as they pass away.Also just plane evil.My mother and father were my Santa. They became the ones I needed to keep umt good boy appearance to. They never knew me.They never really understood what I did.One errorOne thing I dud wrong this weekend was treat my companion, as if she was my video camera, or writing tablet. I just said everything I could, at the speed if my voice, for msny hours.People are not recording devices.Prime DirectiveOne if my Gil’s has always been to think about business plans to make income for the masses that can’t or don’t want to get a regular job. Pay per idea or job or story or whateverI want my ideas to benefit manyThe script exchangeBit exchange, in bitcoin                             Jail was mentioned as futureScary, because she sincerely believes she and her sensese are of superior intelligence.Flash. It could be a trap. A planted bad thought that might somehow leak back to her father which would be bad.New friend to do listSpend some time reviewing the memories when I’m not high. I will remember the good ones.Every thought isn’t shareworthy out loudIt’s hard, but I can do it. Let thoughts go. I may flinch as I take my pride point, and then move on. My mind often works overtime to top itself to the point where I have to wake up to write it down, and I’ve forgotten it.Almost every time.My hard drive is full of video of me turning to the camera blank. Sorry… I forgot it on the way here.However as the time and effort from thought to recording the thought on any way changes, I bet progress reflects it. Today, we can get more ideas down before we forget. Balance that like a faucet by slowly letting more people adapt to living with weed.I can go from asleep to low light video camera in three buttons. Recording.But lately I’ve decided to write.The private blog Frogstar420.comShock…what if gadwin print screen is stealing all my ideas via screen cap softwareNaaaaaaaPride Points… is it a sin?I had a moemnet just now, when I was staring at my gigantic main screen, and it’s filled with 2016 version of Google Keep. I don’t know if it was the plan, but it certainly looks to me, just a little like the wall of the crazy man they find on a murder mystery. Notes pinned to the wall with random thoughts and stories.I am proud of my wall. I read the headlines, and remember the content, and get a pride point inside. Since naming that moment, I have been feeling them more physically as they happen. I may occasikonally overdose on pride and bleed into egotistical. I may love the feeling of the share, and the reaction – that I approach gloaty and annoying.I’m not used to the power of pride. I developed the theories while helping out a similarly messed up room mate. We were able to remember moments of personal pride, and use them to change out thoughts to positive ones, because we can feel the mini rush. It’s small, but if you test it, you can feel a pride point.My pride point is overshadowed and monitored by the negative brain. It gets the last word. Pride is often unjustified or at least questioned to a level of reasonable doubt.I fear the WIlliam Hung syndrome.Saturday morning, I was told I am a 6 to look at, and my teeth squeak and suck enough to be heard. Those were not great ways to start the day, but I got by them and had a good time in the second part of the Saturday. I followed up those comments with some sharing of pride. I read some of my writings, and described their success. I trumped the obcessive self doubt thoughts, and substitute the reframing, and then overload on pride points.New Idea: Stoner GamesA live webcam chat system where contestants compete in game shows with siple rules, head to head or in groups. Then the drunks vs the stoners or different stoned games for different stoiners.OH. We come to your partty… umm… no.. probably a bad idea.PLay BANZAI, but give credit to Howard Stern for the homeless game. It workls as well for stoners.Pit one house party againmst anotherjocks against nerds                                    IndacouchCreate the story PowerTablet and piwerTiwelT shirtsBubble pipeChewuesOrange blanketTrueman’s show for saleWhat if you could create cities in the open spaces, and breed entire populations of people, separate from each other, and then just change the stories for each a little, like a game. You pit your version of civilization and society against mine… Or you test your ideas on my world first.Maybe earth is the Trump switch to dictatorship trial earth.On one generation earth could change totally, just by telling the newborns a different story.How do we know they didn’t. They’ve certainly tried.Live for the quality of the storyJust now, in my head I was creating the story I would tell to my close friend tomorrow when we meet for the first time since I interrupted her mother’s day dinner with a drug confession emergency panic call.I told stories for what seemed like half an hour and then calmed down enough to finish my night alone.I needed a story, even if it was the truth. Not so much a justification of a stupid idea, but an explanation that might just make it seem a little less of a stupid idea in the context of my now, self recognized crazy mind.It was my 52nd birthday. I had so hoped I’d make my discoveries when I was 42, because it would have been cooler for my story, but now I say it just took me 10 extra years because of the a.d.d..I quit my successful and enjoyable therapy to try something new. Although I had experienced a new found self confidence and pride, I was no farther along my personal goal path. I had not progressed an inch in 25 years. I got better at what I was doing, and could see pride in it now, but it was still fading and not paying the bills.I had failed my 100 day giveit100.com project. I had not found replacement income for the 800 a month loss. 8 years earlier I had never replaced my 2000 a month income. I was now living alone in a hot basement apartment on a fraction of my income. I had given up new cars, dishwashers and steak among others.I had nearly given up. Alone, the task seemed even bigger.So I tried the equivalent of getting drunk, as a plan.I just got a little too drunk, but it worked. I kickstand my life and met new people. I practised being confident and dating and sex.I had fun, while high.It taught me a lot.Now my next step is to lessen my usage back and trying to duplicate this new life, without being high.Or at least, not quite so fucking high.The last time I complainedIn those moments just before bed, I sometimes calculate my decisions and reevaluate the choices I’ve made.As it happens tonight, a stray though pulled up the memory file on the last time I complained. Like a YouTube retro video from my past, the scene of my last restaurant complaint. It might have been months ago.Elisa, my frequent dinner companion and adventure buddy and I were having fajitas again. As a change, I ordered no onions. In earlier years, I couldn’t stand to be in the same area as frying fajitas on a hot platter of onions. The smell was unmanageable for me, like a too strong perfume or colon to microwave popcorn burn or stretching tires. Now I can handle it, but I… Not happy with this sentence.I fear I may have broken my writing flow recently. I became self aware of my madness. I lost confidence in my imaginary self image as being a food writer ir speaker that us at least watchable and and most lovable and identifiable. I can dream of fame solving all my problems because I say I live on the feel of smiles… But in truth all I need are a few people who believe in me.I don’t want to be famous. I just want a few fans.I’ve been using a phrase a lot recently. I’ve been talking to more people about new stories I’m living and creating. I’ve been saying I have two books in me, and speaking if actually spelunking some money for help.The truth that I’m realizing through the process is, The story may save us all. Currently, society respects the storytellers of books and TV and movies with the rewards but the story creators and personal storytellers with less, but being a story teller on any level can save you. You can have that skill change your life and make you stable, just with good stories.We’re seeing it emerge. A new income stream in its infancy where the inventors and investors grow to become the biggest Internet company in the known universe, and the storytellers get $16 a month for years.Ok, not a fair statement I will confess. People are making careers out if whatever types if stories they want to tell. They ate not auditioning or asking permission. They are storytelling… And feeling good about it.I have stories. I want to shareI have philosophy. The problem is, I do not have discipline or focus to start or finish.Odd simile. I remember the final scene of the first movie Lord of the Rings. The film was painfully long and dull to me, so I honestly can’t remember a single scene except for the final one. O had just whined about this movie again recently and the scene cuts to travellers looking out over a cliff and we see where they are going… Far far away.I cry out to my annoyed friends, eager to share their love for this holy trilogy to me, a virgin to fantasy in general. I scream; holy fuck… How long is this freaking thing?Before they could answer, the credits start. This was where the movie ended. In the freaking middle of their walk on the yellow brick road. It’s like if they split the Wizard of Oz into three movies and as you’re enjoying the story, she meets the tin man, and the house lights come on. You have to wait 3 years. Fuck that. I never watched another LoR movie again.The reason I remembered this story was because me feeling at that exact moment was…. Oooo hell no. I don’t have the patience to sit still for the rest of that journey… I bail.When a project seems so monumentally vast, I bail. My scale for how big the task has to be slides with my mood, but a lot at least seem like that moment. I have to wait three years to see the next step…..I had quit writing, and then saw the title of this piece as it saved it. I don’t believe I completed the onion story.When you order steak fajitas, the meat comes out still sizzling loudly on a bed of onions. It’s a spectacle.When you order no onions, they try to duplicate the effect with peppers. This time, with a lot of peppers. Too many. At the end if the meal, I didn’t really complain, but I did comment that the peppers were overboard and too thick, they didn’t really cook, so they were like raw peppers, which is fine, but not good for fajitas.To a waiter ir waitress, I can imagine complaints can be like you imagine a dog listening to a lecture… Blah blah blah blah Skippy blah blah blah blah blah Good boy. They may ir may not care at all… But today I imagined the scene if they did. My lovely waitress goes back to the kitchen and remarks about the excessive and thick peppers and the cook, imagined in my hypothetical version as a 27 yet old guy with an attitude. He looks at her, scoffs, waves his arm in frustration, and ritualistic ally says; Again. Don’t these idiots know you have to create a bed of something for the steak or it’ll just burn. I know what I’m doing. Sorry if your weird taste doesn’t like onions.I ask you to remember this story is in my head. It refers to an incident weeks ago where I complained, and just now in revaluation, figured out I was wrong, and might have appeared stupid. It bothered me.This is how my brain works. You can tell me it’s OK and I don’t have to feel bad about any inconvenience I might apologize for, but just know inside, my brain works hard searching through memories to find things to feel bad about from up to 20 years ago. I often wrestle with things I’ve said the last time we met, for months. I put a pin in the WY you react to a statement or opinion, and still try to interpret it for years.Just be grateful I do most of this obsessing in small periods when I dedicate an hour or a while to thinking.And then put on an orange shirt, and blog about it.The Geiorge Castanza MethodAs I was sitting in bed, forced to be awake, although I feel tired, the idea came to me to write a dating profile while I was sad and down on myself. Write it out, and look at it. I bet you won’t be as useless as you think.I am lost.I have wandered aroiund my life, living in othetr people’s lives. Roomates, to basement tenants to lovers and other variations. I have lived in, and contributed to, other people’s lives. I refer to each as a chapter in my life story. Each home.Two and a half years ago, I moved out of a roomate soituation in Milton, to a small one bedroom basement in a house in Toronto. Alone for the first time as an adult.I have failed at it, and need help to fix it.I need a mental health servive person. A partnber to keep me on track.I’m just not sure I won;t hate it.I’ve been on four dates before but you’ll mock me if I admit three were in my other universe, out the windows.*** OUT THE WINDOWS UNIVERSE… It’s Second life, on windows.In all my dates, I went nutso. Old man rambling, random thoughts. My stories were scattered and I’d break the flow, imagining I can sing better than William Hung.—–I imagined renting myself out to parties and being the old storyeller… or teaching — or whatever. I am an old crazyman with dreams I don’t think I’d like to come trueA goal is just a reason to go forwatrd when you still can’t see the light yetWhat if I finished my bucket list at 27 … or yesterday?If I don’t continue to work towards a goal I seem destined to miss, then maybe the goal is just a corrot on a stick. As long as I am walking forward, it’s progress.I need a hobby or a project I enjoy. Lets find a business to invest in.in other news, I loaned my good friend $3000 dollars today, which ironically I had to borrow… but he’s my rich friend. That is scary shit. He failed, big time apparently.He and I had failed previously together, at the very beginning of our lifes as businessmen. An idea we were over confident of, and of ourselves and a great idea poorly managed will fail.We might save each other.  I am now wonderuing how far back Ive been this crazy… the drugs are making me fractured. Less Jeff, more crazy mnad man.maybe paranoid. it is part of the journey however. Somehow I always knew I’d go crazy, and enjoy the ride, live bloggingt the process. I am mr Jeckle and Doctor Hyde, just now realizing it’s a story about drugs.distracted. the end.Fake interest is easy, because it’s interestFor some reason, that seemed profound. 403am after a full Saturday with Elisa while on morning meth from Thursday.Would welcome sleep but the events of the last day were a dream. A scripted connection of affection and sincere gratitude for a drug dealer. She wanted to become friendly with a new potential source. We agree to meet and take 1.My head exploded. I got a new face that seems easy to make smile. I choose to believe that is 100% sincere, but I also like to show my respects to the author for making it work so smooth.Now we’re friend zone, but I suspect she…I don’t presume, and no touching occured.Well played. That seems to be my version of all my breakups. I’m too irritating to be full time with, unless the sex is greatSex is the weapon both sides secretly know they control.Shut that down and move on.I won’t askEnd of part 2 420 amThe TuesdayI slipped already, not two days after breaking doiwn and admitting to a friend I have a problem and I wantto work towards a solution. I slept most of Monday. Tuesday I woke up reasonably happy, ready to start a good work day.So of course naturally, I had to finish the remaining meth. I didn’t want to throw it away, and I knew I couldn’t keep it… so I finished it. I had a productive morning, but focus was distracted by guilt and everything else later, so I just basically spent 12 hours feeling awake, and bad.I don’t regret it. It would have driven me a bit crazy not having done it. I’m out of acid and meth now so it won;t be an obcession.I have not discussed it with the friend I called yet, except to say I’m fine.I got a lot of firsties this weekend, and I have to decide whether I liked touch and contact or not. On this MDMA everything was as glorious and wide eyes as it was when I loved raves. I was with a nice hapy face raver age gal…Did I like it? I can’t answer. I squahed the idea of sexual contact early in our meeting. I didn’t want it to be about that, and our age difference was extreme.Later I learned a lot of her drug deals are sex based. I am happy to stay away from that one more time.I felt no passion. I have caught my mind changing thoughts away from depression. I doin’t know if that is paxil or training, but it seems to stop all negativethoughts at times, and sex is a negativethought for me currently.I was able to imagine however a million boys and a million gilrs all across the world in this same situation, but like-aged. You add fucking sex to what I experienced and you may never give it up.I’m happy I wasn’t able to get hard till the next evening. Orgasms wouild have been too much I think.I lay in bed with her beside me for a while. I didn’t move a musle for what seemed like forever, but was probably only a few minutes. I think it may have creeped her out, or just the general vibe… she left to the other room.I remember how hard it was for me to sleep beside a woman before. My need to not annoy or inconvenience meant I didn’t want to move. My normal sleep ritual involves anywhere from 3 to 15 side to side rollovers before sleep. It was weird to just lay though, and think. I was trying to remmeber the phrase in the K Hole loop but I couldn’t. My mental would is healing nicely and fading away. I can remember the story,not the happening.It seemed like somebody else was talking, but I guess it was just my brain out loud.sooo—brainstorming. I need a hobby. A class or club or community. I would pefer it with someboidy… but might be better alone.wordpress could yield friends or workersbook writingClasses may be better than a club because it is forced interaction, and I will either like it, or hate it.Continued                              I imagined my brain seems to need a bit of time between seeing something new, and turning itnto a story. I almost need to re-read moments in time to create a visual image of the words. I remember the stories.I am a mad scientist with 42 chalk boards full of words and bumper sticker slogans and T shirt ideas that I won’t erarse, so you write PLO on them and open a new chalboard.             I am getting tired and its harder to stay on target.My mind thinks at the speed of an early day stand up comedy routine by Robin Williams.I feel bad I can’t get to every request for a story.In hindsight, may the negative voice just say it really wasn’t a great ideaWhen it comes to confused first love on 3 Mdma super pills and the first woman to hug in my home in over a decadeI practically told her my money situation and two really big secrets I even debated out loud before I gave it away. Huge if she ransomed the infoDecide if I care about fun knowing I’ll want to break it off beforevdheceillDrug fake pride? A point is a point, and that’s a point in itself.Could I mentally handle pride in that relateshipFor happiness, you must fee #happinessworthySober Jeff is my SantaHe knows when I’ve been bad or good and he’s important to meFirst k hole. Holy shit. I died and found a personal he’ll designed for me, until it wore off, and I’m a seasoned acid tripperThe loop I could not wait to tell you that I’d figured something new out, and it looped in perfect timing with the happy trance play list. I went through the whole loop 4 times before I declared ut hell but that was cool. I can’t wait to Fuck it happened again. And then the music does its up tempo sexual Rev music.O am almost always thinking two things   Scared a bit. It was clear this gal wants more k. She loves it like… Well, like duh… You’re supposed to. That’s the whole point.      Chat cubicles with two seats and conversation cardsThe community centre Oone Sim with amusements and guided tours, personal tutorsGuided stoner tours and mediations and hypnosis sessionsThe only friendly place for acid trips    Practice friends rpStoner art, by sl stoners. Galleries pay.    I wrote this when I was, so that I could use this as an excuse when it’s over the line I’m seldom aware of.I like you and your smile makes me smile. I enjoyed the style of your writing and am a big fan of local shout outs.I happen to have an inherited sum I’ll call a budget for lack of a better word, and I don’t really care if I make it back, but I’ve kept the idea floating since I was in high school.Seeing this story come alive would be an achievement that would impact my future. I know full well that people coming to authors with an idea is probably similar in irritation to people coming to a director with movie ideas.I get that, but my brain works a certain way, and in my life, nothing gets done without a partner. If not you, can you print me, like countless fans before me, in the best stock answer… Are there companies that will write my story like a celebrity and the name after with.I have two books at least in me, and while high I’d even say I’m unusual enough to be watchableI want to say yes to something before I just send it all on Hershey’s kisses.I need to elieve it’s #prideworthyEverything is perfect and correct until the second set of eyes. The third set gets paid more.Are my opinions my own?or do I emulate the thoughts I think will most make me feel like normal.TandemPayPal under old adminSearch l404End of an era
• Corben Dallas
• Alien
• Lillie boas Belgian
• Pass people off wet me.
• New product spreadsheet
• Coupon
• Reports
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• Jen.
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• And just buy the overlay script. Plays over any video version. Self syncs
• I want to buy pop up video rights and make add popups on favourites.
• Sell your street to sl.
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• RL fake friends.
• RL acid trip help centre.
• SL drug scripts new once a week. Hour long acid effects to avi. Abort able of course
• Head shops could sell sl bongs and diver rl versions to homes
• Stores could sell in sl universe entire inventory, and then Pick up or delivery.
• A stoner playgroubd
• Friendly instant friends
• Regular games at scheduled fimez
• Cones of silence
• More sl ideas
• I had one of those light bulb moments just now.
• #lightbulbworthy
• First love is always the second date.
• She could also still be 18
• I became the cool drug dealer with no sex demands. Jackpot if played right.
• Blank..
• Private thoughts are perfect, until the second witness.
• I got a pride point for every thing I Saud that was not ridiculed. Ties are counted as wins.
• Sharing secrets that generate a smile are suddenly redeemed… Even if k biased.
• And loops
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• That needs to be a yes.
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• I hate myself for civkblocing my happy thoughts.
• I made a lot of midtaked
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• I sincerly hope that i can understand my stories from the future. I would hate to open my diary from 1985 and see: story 4,76,2,8,9
• The most powerful position in the world is the storyteller. The leaders are the official keepers of the nation’s story.
• I froze, like a robot waiting for instruction. It was a flash. I guess I met the line everyone does eventualy. A generation gap, where by designm, I’m not supposed to like or understabnd. Their mnusic is crap. Back in my day…. boom. There you are.
• shutter.. ew. I relived that moment a bit.
• Suddenly I was lost without a way to communicate.
• I am reminded of the Star Trek episode where Picard and a foreign alien must learn to unbdesratdn each other although one only uses historical references by title to tell their stories. Like meeting somebody with only 27 stories, and you know him so well, he can just say 2,15,7,9 and you understabd those stories. Anyone new would not.
• I didn’t care about Rock Hudson or any of those, and now I meet somebody who does not watch TV or movies. he life is now online content only and her shard memories are of a video game, or anime. She doesn’t even know what Saturday Night Live is.
• I saw that this weekend, because I spent time with a new friend from a different world, and tried to comelian to her life, but could not. The first generation that does not know a single one of my references. I remember Robert Redford was the only star from my mothers generation I …
• In my 52nd year, I learned that these callback references based on pop culture are actually dating the material and making it jibberish to the next generation.
• I try to hard.
• I am pulling clips from other stories to tell my own, cheating off those similies and cut away scenes like Family Guy.
• I see how crazy that mnay read, and suddenly, I re-evaluate my entire life’s work and suddenly deem it all shit before I share. STories that don’t get retold go into the warehouse, and cut to that end sceienec from Raiders of the last Ark. Top men are on the case. Top men.
• I’ll get one of the girls from the secratary pool at work to trascribe that into a peoper story for me one day.
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• My mind has a visual of a hoeless man walking around with bags hanging off his cart. He has 27 stories. That’s all. The only way he can communicate, is by telling one, and he only has 27 to tell. He adapts them to every situation through the story.
• *bell That is an example of a crazy man’s rantings. A statement that makes perfect sence to my brain now, like an adendum to an idea from last thursday blerted out loud like a verbal post it note on the board to turn the thought into a story to file.
• brain freeze. Down shift from 4th to second by accuident and the jolt starts a new thought.
• This new brain was re evaluating myself again and adapting to the new superppowers. I realized …
• I have referred to my non liniar way of thinking like a Steven King novel. They throw a lot of stories at you, and take the rest of the book to keep adding pieces until you connect them all to one story. I should use Pulp Fiction as a better example. Imagine a jigsaw puzzle but each piece is a story
• *P
• I said; Boy… boy, what day is this? We didn’t miss it! The ghosts did it all in one evening!
• *Z I referred to The Christmas Carol a few times last night, because less time had passeed than I expected, and because it was a Saturady Night, I was shocked to learn it was still Saturday Night, and I was comforted to know Sunday could be a crash and sleep day (knoiwinhg full well there would be no real sleep)
• I look up and wonder if I would have figured out the earth was a round planet, or at least understood the logic if it were expolained. I enjoy larning something. I saw that in my visions.
• I am an alone mad man trying to porove to myself that I could have been, should have been great. I just needed the right Alfred… or Watson. The smart one to keep me back on track and remember my place. *Age
• I see myself from the other side of the glass, and I have a lot of warning signs that one would normally attribute to a mad man. Obcessing about figuring out a master plan for the universe and a way to help people. I share these ramblings out of sequence or struicture to the innocenbts in front of me whenever I get the chance, not thinking how they must sound to people without context of the grand poicture.
• My brain exploded with new interpretations of myself, while quite high adjusting to a new brain like The Doctor discovering he hates fish sticks and custard, or a Fez. Fezzes are cool. *OCD
• Depression starts when you start to doubt your own ideas may not be poerfect, before you share… because we know our brain… *Z
• I had previously said, When you write or video blog your stories and ideas and inventions and never share them, then they are perfect. It is only when you let a second set of eyes see them, does the magic happen. The act of sharing a story, is what changes time, every time. It creates a set point in time, because you now suddenly have confirmation.
• Profound.
• This weekend, I experienced a level up in that department as well. A dissassociative drug literaally means you get to evaluate yourself from outside your body, and my new visuals show that to my brain as it woiuld be on so many TV shows. Looking down at my motionless body and thinking as a thought bubble about yourself.
• I have always claimed one of my superpowers was the way I felt like I understood the emotions o fthe person in front of me. I can commelian to become the best personal assistant. The Robin. Happy to not be Batman, and secretly knowing Alfred is the smart one.
• This new release leveled up. It enhanced the scanners and visuals like an upgrade from XBOX to XBOX 360
• This weekend, I tried Ketamine. To be technical for the archives, this was not teh frst time, but I had chosen this as the firstie origin story, because this drug needed to be done with somebody. I know I usually ignore those warnings claiming I’m experienced tripper and don’t get freaked out. That was the old brain
• This weekend, I continued down that road by trying out a new brain. It was very exciting. A whole new way to think, and add to the colective. Growth.
• I believe I experienced my first splinnter. Like time travel, I evaluate life and myself differently, so it takes me a while to adjust, and re-think major ideas through this new brain. I can invision the image like a wave, much like Star Trek uses to simulate a change in the time contium and now Worf;s cake isn’t chocolate anymore. *p
• Since I first took drugs, which in my story always starts at age 27, *P*P*P*P
• Real life sober Jeff who is pretty happy,and stoned Jeff who, depending on which drug mixture, a different style of wrting emerges.
• Two things happened th… ok, well, apparently, I need to correct myself and say a trillion things happened inside my brain this weekend on my first souble hitter Saturday adventures with each of my two personalities playinhg back to back.
• I am pleased with the outcome of this weekends event. I can even twist things to better the story, like my 52nd year of life, I had the mid life crises I secretly wanted to be at 42, but it took me 10 years longer because… well, because me. *P
• I want to start off by saying I have mastered the art of reframing bad things as good stories. I may have accidentally released a superppower to a homeless teen who is in a gang. I may also have signed my death warrant, if my recently updated visual memories of outcome scenarios. Worst case scenarios are strongvisuals that get repainted every time I tell it.
• So many book titles ccoming at me inside my brain. Opening sentences and ways to approach.
• Sleep break.
• A word is just a pretty word for story 2,9,54,8
• Our language is made from storues. Even our individual words have their own origin story. You can break down many words almost as if one word told more. The saying is a picture is worth a 1000 words but the true value is on words that create a picture.
• It just now occurred to me. Emoji are that next step. They are almost literally what I just described. Story 4,7,34,8 that is like a code. Imagine finding the card catalogue to an entire library but not the books.
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• creating writying could yield self poride or fail
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• But I so love to hear
• That is literally how I think after a first date
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• maybe he’ll show up for fajitas Monday.
• Interesting.
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• I realie I am using referebces as lkanguage instead of similies with descriptions anyone wouldunderstand. I met someone who would not know a single referbece.
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• I feel like I’ve lost a brother… or a sister… or my other half.
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• Pacifiers
• Kisses
• Scissors
• Short’s
• Pill
• Phone oiwer
• Pax
• Go to story… Have a fun story in mind but don’t tell it. Share the title, and at any time in the eve ING, your partner can request it. Tell me about blank. You must change topic and tell the story.
• The end
• S. A. Tiva
• Slang
• I’m just glad I didn’t panic and call 911… And equality glad I wasn’t wrong, and should have. It’s not a nice feeling g.
• The banging has stopped too, and I Nineveh know it’s source, unless tomorrow I see the new wood floor panel boxes out by the garbage.
• Then,i heard the old man’s chair move, with that familiar Creek and I knew he was found E in his TV chair. Soon the 9pm drama would change to classical or ambient music and he’d nod off till 3an.
• A kid wouldn’t play with a pogo stick in an apartment for 45 minutes, would he? I can’t begin to imagine what today’s teenage mind is capable of. I had a d d back then when it was just called bad behaviour, but I couldn’t do anything for 45 minutes. I most certainly could not bang like that for any time.
• Still, the punching bag and floor install didn’t really make sense either, and it just didn’t sound like a bouncing ball.
• I justified the knocking was loud enough and went on and on, so whoever was doing it wasn’t weak. A dieing man would have given up. I remembered how short a time I can k Oct on and door, wall or floor and it sure wouldn’t be 45 minutes
• I was actually a bit angry. My rest had been postponed by this obcession that the man above me may be grasping onto life calling out the only was he could, and I was ignoring it because I knew in my heart, it probably wasn’t.
• Now it’s the only option in my mind. The banging has become his cry for help, and it’s how I see it in my head. Perhaps he is banging Morse code, like we’ve seen in Star Trek or soy movies. No… 11 knocks is not dot dash dot. I also ruled out one letter for each knock in sequence like 1 for a, 2 for b etc., because he only knocked past 11 times once.
• Suddenly however, a new scenario appeared in my visual imagination. The sound could just be a first banging on the ground. The image if old Bela flat on the floor above me, unable to reach his phone or get up. He knows he needs to get my attention… He starts to bang.
• It was bang with a tiny reverberation in sequences from 2 to 11 bangs. I estimated that seemed more human than machine. We tend not to do the same banging too many times without a break or hand position change. Imagine either the punching bag ir floor tile stapling gun. Two to eleven bangs seemed about right.
• The sound it most reminded me of, and fit the interval pattern was either boxing against a hanging bag, or electronic staple gun putting down new hardwood floors.
• As I was hearing it tonight with sporadic consistency, I began to obcess a but about what it might take to make that sound, but for added fun, I began to imagine what I could use to duplicate that sound, to help verbally describe it. It’s a game I sometimes play.
• The new sounds I suspect, are coming loudly from one flight up. Sometimes it’s obviously high base high tempo bpm teenage music, but other times it’s just odd, somewhat banging.
• I wouldn’t know if he was Alice up there if it wasn’t for the TV… And the farts of course.
• It seems clear the old guy wants to die here, where he’s lived over 15 years, rather than some hospital. I never see him outside, and people bring food from a service daily. He doesn’t even come out to pick up his Toronto Sun newspaper anymore. He gets his mail because he doesn’t have to lean over for it.
• When I say Bela is old and not well, I’m not exaggerating. I saved his life by calling 911 last summer as he was outside motionless on a hit day, delirious with heat stroke. He was gone for months and since back, the ambulance has been here at least twice I’m aware of.
• I live in a three story building on the bottom. I hear the noises from the two flights above with with varying degrees if muffle. I’m never certain what the noises are, and whether they’re coming from the old, mostly motionless sick man above me, or the single mom with a teenage son and newborn. Except the fart noises. I’m pretty certain at least half of those are the old man. I send up the other half from my level.
• Perhaps that is too dramatic and misleading. I’m fairly certain he didn’t die, at least not yet, and not because if my decision, but for a while between 8 and 930 tonight I thought, maybe he is.
• I had to make an unfortunate decision tonight; to let a man die.
• Is that banging for me?
• Invented by Miss Caren E. Wright, 2016 May 21
• overly agendasized
• The memory was a great one, with plans to repeat some day soon.
• It was far easier to have a good time without thinking about sex anyway. As it was, it was on my mind occasionally at times, especially sharing a bed with genitals exposed… But I believe my stress would have spoiled the memory with horrible sex. I don’t usually get hard on a strong Mdma high anyway.
• The date had no romantic side, but I wasn’t looking for that in a drug buddy anyway. On my Mdma, to be fair, it’s hard not to fall in love with everyone, the cats, and even the pillow and floor.
• I’ve never met anyone with cats that don’t have names… So we named them and gave them personal and group names and personalities and back storues that seem to fit them well. Fat Tony is their leader. He has a unique stone cold expressionless face that doesn’t seem to show emotion or in fact, and expression. His gang consist of Crazy Loey, the Gray cat that stares at the wall for hours and always seems to do these double take looks at things when he enters a room. Then there is Jake, the reddish orange cat that doesn’t speak much and won’t let you get to close. We figure Jake might be the hit man. He hides well. I was lucky to have met him at all. Usually strangers don’t get to see his face.
• I don’t remember all we talked about but we agreed it doesn’t really matter. We shared similar attitudes on many things.
• I did however not apologize as much as usual and have very few glaring obvious mistakes or things I regret. It was a smooth flow.
• We met at here home, had some drugs, and spent the next two days nude and talking. Well, I did a lot of the talking, to be fair. At times, I could not stop.
• Somewhat of a free spirit hippy with a government day job and a passion for weed and other drugs on the weekends.
• I had a different adventure this past Victoria Day weekend. As part of my post therapy experiences, I met a new lady from an online conversation. A fun and wonderful adventure partner in Hamilton.
• Saturday Candyflipping Adventures in Hamilton
• Oh God.. am I one of gthose.. it’s OK I’mm make an app and retire attitudes? My friend is. He got bitten by the write an app and retire bug. We’re watching, because he’;s done it before.
• An APP
• Any community theme week
• One sorority against
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• Don’t give away my life story or my mother’s maiden name
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• Suicide was mentioned negative and past
• What is my worry? I hear the sound of doors shaming outside my window, but it continues on and on as if 6 police cars are all exiting in perfect timing one after the other. I instantly think about two things my lunch guest said.
• My worry
• Five times, learning.
• I talked to women and dated.
• In any case, I do not know if I will experience withdrawal after a month or two, but I am content that my usage was a tool that worked. I accomplished a huge goal.
• I have only been without a little over a month… Or I think 3 weeks. No, four.
• I’m ok with being killed while on drugs, but don’t want to die because of taking them. Luckily I lived, and did it 4 or 5 separate binges, approximately one month apart.
• I took a huge [secret #2] risk. The first time I ever broke my cardinal rule and personal line. Never take anything that might kill you on the spot.
• I made my introduction to meth as scary as I dud when I wanted to try crack. I took Mdma and then allowed myself to take risks.
• I just discovered a roadblock in one of my stories. Nobody will let me commercially promote a life story that starts because I decided to try crystal meth for the first time.
• I reframed meth to be a hero
• Zeppelin’s end.
• I had lunch with her today.
• I just have to be aware, I can’t be her #1 from the start, or ever, like my last three some as a downstairs tenant with a super cool woman on a journey that I choose to believe I helped, wondering inside whether I may have screwed her up far worse.
• This new woman is exactly, as the script would be written if it were a story. It went fairy tale warm and wonderful for me. Life change, without sex. My usual.
• I could imagine it as so, and each of the give sexual relationships I had seemed to get better each time.
• Friend zone
• Now I’ve done it in real life too.
• I’m talking about in second life, where I disposed of people after sex like bad men
• I tell you that many were paid escorts at first, but some feelings were hurt. I justied it in my mind that it wasn’t real. She might have been one if the Russian scripted and trained model girlfriend that will eventually tell me she’s on Africa but still wants to meet.
• I used women and yoked with their emotions, and then ran away.
• I think I am capable of mistreating regular humans as second class, based on a whole group.
• Was I an alternate universe bigot?
• City budget funds first 2 years.
• Tour small towns,, start community theatre after a performance of some gret door slamming comedy.
• I’d love to buy community theatre rights to Frasier and happy days and other good live plays. Possibly are endless.
• Dide idea. I think community theatre should be able to perform the scripts of 70s and 80s sitcoms. Instead if plays
• Sadly, plagiarism would bankrupt us in scandal week 2
• Story exchange… Ideal
• The skit exchange
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• Sell hotel quality services to a block of homes, or townhouses. Full concierge services both above and below, as I can
• Hotel service
• The end
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• The world has creative people that can write good stories
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• I have many hashtag catchy web campaigns for profit.
• Let people blog ideas or any story if pride, and have others click pride points
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• Alas, I was too high to figure out to open the resealable turkey tonight
• The turkey was child locked
• With near human ai
• It us then end if all. I’m high maintenance and needy. I am the vending machine that only dispenses candy when you pull the levers and I get to stretch and give you instant joy
• Oh. Was that a bad thing to say? I hate that moment I see my words.
• She chooses good despite temptation to abuse the power and change the course if time by taking credit for things the day before the real guy
• Psychic woman remembers the loops like I do. That’s how you find your apprentice
• Justin time casting
• Not mine. Modified to be a my dick joke
• My dick is so big I have to use Dropbox to send a dick pic.
• The universe provides.
• Oh universe, you were not pranking me, you were saving me again.
• It was the exact same man. The universe is laughing at its coincidence. Good one universe, but the joke is on you. If you planned this hsoinstance as a sign, or a message, it all worked out better because I’ve not failed him, and he only knows high Jeff. It was perfect actually.
• Tonight, just now in fact I took my second ever support call while higher than I thought I was on weed.
• I got over excited to help and bordered on silly. Luckily, the client wasn’t familiar with my usual personality, so that was just accepted as my norm.
• So once, a few weeks ago, I answered a business support call after hours, while a bit high. In hindsight, perhaps too high. I over talked the support call with the big boss of one of my business lawyer clients.
• I’m not a daily smoker, but I have begun to feel a tad more confident while high than before. I can be high in front of people, and result the need to tell everyone I’m high, as a precaution in case I do something stupid I’m not proud of.
• I’ve been smoking a bit more weed this year than usual. Thanks to the introduction of concentrates and edibles, I’ve passed that magic point where a little weed doesn’t effect me as much as it used to.
• The universe is funny
• Demote actually to be used only in the second half of sentences and the world will actually seem quite polite.
• Using actually in the second half of the sentence is sift, and usually shows you’ve learned something new.
• I just figured it out. Using this usually offensive word in the first half of the sentence is abrupt often rude and arrogant and is likely to upset whoever you’re correcting or bragging about beating. It’s as sharp as the edges of Helvetica A.
• Actually
• Falling asleep.
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• New topic.
• (gift of Monty Python arm movement that defines a change of topic. The origin spark before the zeppelin.)
• I don’t remember the end, but it wouldn’t surprise me if the guy git his refund. Ultima iv I’m pretty sure. Comspec
• But I believe I failed, and lost it. I ran away and cried in the basement.
• I was being a rodeo clown. A human zeppelin. I was changing the subject away from anger.
• But somehow, my performance came across as a mad man rant. He was yelling about a refund, and I was performing sponge ball magic in the middle of his argument.
• It was a trap. I was probably quite proud if myself, although I seemed to be running at full adrenaline, drug free at that time in my story.
• In response to a yell, I may have responded; I’m not saying you’re lying… I’m saying you’re remembering it wrong, and then I’d ask him to describe my trick to me.
• I did the sponge ball manipulation and then tried to explain how I hear people retell the trick to their friends.
• One of my biggest pride point tricks.
• It’s a highlight part of my life story, and I fantasize that it’s one he retells too. I could not break his illogic with logic, so I didn’t give up, I flipped out and started to do a magic trick in front of him with skilled slight if hand and a great surprise illusion.
• I’d love to know if he can remember ir had ever told his side if the story where he broke a salesman. In other words, he broke me.
• In both memories it was more significant to me, than them, but they’ve stayed with me as monster memories of terror. In both cases, I ran away and cried. The third case of anger in my trilogy did not have pricing touch. It involved a customer when I was working retail.
• I have a visual memory that I’ve included as a point in time memory. One if the three times I lost my temper. Two of those times ended with me putting my hands on to someone in anger. A brief shoulder shake is how I remember one, and the other as more if a push.
• I had no sex drive at all through my teenage high school or early work years. I liked certain girls in school to be sure, but I never felt the beauty in any physical way till my early twenties.
• I think back to that hurt often on nights like tonight and wonder, if I had been born gay, but late blooming, whether that dump that was only a dump from my perspective, would have felt harsher if I was gay, but not sexual at that stage.
• It was a normal life transition, but it hit me so hard, I Divorced myself and we never saw each other again. On me.
• I transitioned my first love without passion from #1 to #2 without realizing how that would hurt, despite having been crushed when my high school best buddy found his first love in university and I was demoted to second best friend. I even remember the instant feeling when he once said he’ll pencil in our plans for some time together.
• I’d still never had sex, but I was sharing new found ways to orgasms thanks to drugs.
• We were best friends till I thought I wanted more. I seemed touch without any regard of how it was me that held the no touch rule. She tried so hard to break through my barriers, and I treated her poorly without even noticing I was doing it, fallen under the spell of doing exactly the same things with a new woman, but using weed.
• I was platonic from the get go for my first room mate. A high school friend I was almost defiantly mean to in high school but who seemed to have found ways to be around me. I believe she had a crush on me, and I lived a luxury life free of arguments and responsibilities, but filled with the good parts. A shared time together for activities, shows, events and frequently meals. I’ve often said the best of life is often shared in a car, or at a table. You can live a life of memories there.
• I didn’t ask.
• I have lived with room mates all my life, but with the 4 girl-friends ive had, we don’t touch. We didn’t call them girlfriends, but that’s kind of the point. All of them were never really given the chance, but I know at least two or three would have said yes.
• It frustrates me that I still have these thoughts now and then on the right set and setting. On my 52nd birthday, I ventured to meet women.
• 6 girlfriends, Am I gay?
• To me, it meant secret pride point, and I was never sure if that was obvious or impossible to figure out.
• It made me think of Davinci, but Have way’s Davinci.
• With that spp above, I flashed an arcade like Bell sound and a level up medley. In my head, those three letters were a code, and meant something to me, but might some day be a code students or at least fans of my writings might be debating over.
• I’m also smoking more weed. The 2016 experiment spp
• I just want a few fans.
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• End of this PA…. Wait for it?
• Like a bill split in two,,, not happy with that line
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• I’d
• Went into therapy shortly after the other one. Now I deflect anger into a story and dump emotion, at the sign of anything emotional.
• Sorry. Had a moment of anger. I suppose this evening’s writing all about my top 3 moments of anger for the first half of my life.
• O do fee…. Fiiiiiiiick
• Wow. I’ve said Fuck a lot today. Those students studying my journals in 2052 will have noticed that before me I suspect.
• Fuck, and then I keep teaching it I actually type O all the time today.
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• Bing bing
• I hate thing new keyboards. They can’t help but fail my reviews because I won’t know where anything is. I probably won’t even have a 5th row number… But I’ll try some, and share the journey.
• O
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• …
• But I added that last part out of guilt of the comment section monsters
• Fuck. Now I’m one of them. I’m the guy sending a letter to a company saying dear company your product sucks, could you make it better, at least in my opinion…
• Q could you sell me your keyboard, but let me use other people’s learning? Or preferably,
• This frigging thing I have with hitting the capital Z instead if the first letter. You should be able to learn that.
• A high filter for SwiftKey. Broader forgiveness and more concentration on the sentence structure and context to know the right is or if or or
• Fuck SwiftKey, how do I track you I don’t use O on a sentence. Don’t you have a Bing Bing bing
• O upped my drug usage.
• At 52, I ventured forward with a new plan to go off the script of a perfectly invisible guy, unless you’re in front of him… Me
• I posted a better version on Facebook. I have many pride points of humour through my 8byesrs there. It has kept me on this path with the responsibility of this image.
• The thing I hate about cliffhangers is
• I can start my journey in writing. The only knock on my pride points are that it needs interaction to resolve the cliffhangers.
• Hire a Google ad words girl
• Register some domains.
• Oh look, a zeooelin
• Time to market thus story.
• Bing Bing. Prude point for thinking… This might make a cool blog post, and we could put the random thoughts into sure zdooelins
• Two thoughts flipping around while typing into the NEXUS 7 tablet, having switched from the phone for previous parts.
• I have two brains. Two sides. Two personalities. I switch when one gets a bit bored. I switch back and forth all day, quick enough to not even notice. I’m doing it now.
• Other brain wants to come out and play. That’s what it is.
• That harsh statement above was for affect, Fuck effect? Why would I use affect there, for the first time in 30 years if writing. Other brain wanna OMG… Bing bing
• I am SD, no horrified that all men are bundled with those extremists that rape. And equality sad to see that alone may be the reason so many men are ok with it. You women only started complaining when somebody figured out how to profit from it.
• My but was to include that perhaps comparably bad, is claiming rape after consensual sex, and destroying the partners life for any other reason.
• I agree rape is a horrible thing, but… And I defend this but, despite whatever you may imply about nothing ever good coming following rape is bad, but…
• Teens and adults have been having sex for… Well since atoms.
• In my belief, I even apply this to certain levels of intoxication, when administered voluntarily.
• As much as I respect the truth that being raped is not about sex, I equally believe men are not always fairly punished for having clear or even partially clear consensual sex, with post regret or guilt.
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• Because multiple companies make phones under the Android OS system, we have a bit if an identity crisis to begin with. If you SK me what phone I have, do I say Android or do I say Samsung. For many people, all I need to say is; Not an iPhone. They tune out.
• I am not surprised at all. The S4 was a great phone and there is no real reason to upgrade. There is no peer pressure to have the newest Samsung. A Samsung phone is to be used more than it is to be seen with. Most people don’t know what is the new model anyway.
• The article that inspired this blog, was talking about how Samsung was surprised and sad that their S5 flagship sold only 40% as many units as their S4 last year.
• This article isn’t to compare Apples to Lollypops. It is simply an observation that Samsung, HTC and Motorola (among other brands) all have new models each year, but Android masses don’t really know when, and we don’t seem to have the need to care and upgrade.
• In the other world of Android, we don’t have that. Android users have a different kind of arrogance, founded by a belief that they have a superior product that the masses just don’t understand. Proud underdogs. The inner battle between iPhone and Android isn’t as pronounced as it once was. As the Android system grows up, it’s polish and style approaches Apple, and each new version of iPhone catches up on features. They each do my things better than the other.
• Now they’ve even made the new ones have a different shape, so you can judge people from a far, without even meeting them.
• Well done Apple.
• People who don’t own the newest iPhone still would, if they could afford it without issue. Nobody actually chooses to want the old one… And in time, those iPhone users will upgrade. Not because they have to, but because… Well, because it’s the new iPhone.
• Even if you don’t own the new iPhone, you’re aware of that fact, and many of you may even talk about it with a hint of shame. I constantly hear people say things like; it’s not the newest model or anything, but it gets the job done.
• Of course, not every iPhone user lines up to be first, and many don’t even bother with the new release at all, but we’re all still aware of the concept. New iPhone day is a big deal. It gets more news coverage than almost anything happening outside America.
• Apple does a few things really well, but one of the biggest impacts on the cell phone world, is the way they’ve managed to make getting the newest iPhone an obligation of your status.
• Your next new phone.
• For today at least, it remains a tension filled cliffhanger.
• It’s a horror story, and I’m terrified it will not have a happy ending.
• Her depression has been replaced with a heightened obsession and guilt about the world is breaking her.
• Thus is not a science fiction story of course. She is a real troubled, 29 year old friend who’s never really had a normal life with friends, or a job, or even much play. A young girl inside with a history of not feeling like she was taken seriously, now armed with a medication induced confidence, and need to prove to us all how wrong we have been the last 30 years. Combined with the scary awareness of how horrible the real world is, and the realities most of us intentionally try our best to avoid or ignore, on medication that isn’t working as it should. If this were a comic book, she’d have some dark Lare and henchmen to round out the stereotype.
• I do not know the defence. Kirk could talk any computer into self destruction with a few choice words, but I tried all combinations for 5 hours and each was cut off or deflected with counter measures and shields. She won’t see a therapist because she doesn’t want to change, and she’s smarter than those people. Nobody understand that she likes this. Her mind is so flooded with an explosion of thoughts, she doesn’t want the good parts to stop. She just needs more time to figure it out. 29 hours a day might be enough.
• You become Ltd Barkley, except without all the glowing wires they used in the Next generation episode, with and overconfidence in your awareness and logic that can literally be dangerous. What happens next may not blow up the Enterprise, but I am sincerely afraid. Without the funds, experience or skills to solve the problems you’ve educated yourself to, she may spiral back into a new level of depression and failure. Great people do not believe failure is an option, and when it presents as their reality, their personal spaceship implodes. I have confidence she could be a success in life, but in her current state of superiority, she may try to do it all on her own without help or support. I fear a hard crash.
• At this point in my story, I wish to point out that my friend is actually smart. Although her formal education ended early, she has always strived to prove her intellect, and continued her education on her own. I have always had more respect for her, and the way she presents herself than she has. In most if not all disagreements, she has indeed been the correct one. Now that she has adopted a hermit living style and is surrounded by a library of smart books and the Internet, I have no doubt she has expanded her knowledge, but a hermit lifestyle lacks the experience of human contact by its very definition, without social interaction. A smart hermit runs the risk of becoming more like a machine that isn’t user friendly.
• I just spent 5 hours with her, in which I attempted multiple ways to approach the subject that maybe her current unsupervised prescription may need adjustment or change. Like Barkley, the excitement of power and knowledge has clouded that part of her judgement, and I totally get that. If I was depressed one day, and suddenly smarter than everyone in the universe, that’d be a tough power to give up. I can almost imagine her giving one of the those TV evil genius laughs, as she presses the button to destroy a country that rapes women in the streets.
• Sadly, I am only exaggerating a little.
• Often when you tell her you understand and agree, she’ll see through your ploy, and try harder to re-explain it. It’s too complex for our minds to really get the meaning, so saying we do must be a lie.
• She says she’s tired of having to explain things to us. We should just nod and accept she is right. The explaining is exhausting, party because there are a lot of stupid people, which includes the vast majority of our earth it seems, but also because she really wants credit for being right and educating us of that, as well as the original facts too. It’s not enough that we’re just wrong. She must show us the way, and convert us to the truths.
• The world is her responsibility somehow.
• Like Ltd Barkley in the Trek episode, she sits alone, often without sleep or food, absorbing new information from online sources, all about the horrid atrocities going on in the world. Things far worse, I am told, than we can imagine, because we have not read what she has. We just don’t understand how awful the universe is.
• More recently, his respect and treatment of her got worse, and the fights more frequent and hurtful. They have separated now, and she finds herself totally alone among her remaining cats, in an empty house with virtually no support system or income at all. A hard place to be for anyone, but somebody battling depression and horrid self worth to begin with, is bound to find this difficult. She got on some meds, but it seems without doctor supervision, and so she believes they’re working… but they’re not having the intended effects. While combating her self worth issues, she has now turned extreme, and has confidence coming out full steam.
• She started her life of solitude at an early age when her androgynous partner took from her troubled childhood at early age and they started a life together as two teens with little life experience and compatible love for video games and various pets, over human contact.
• Everyone else is not possibly able to comprehend life at her level, so even social conversation is strained, or cut short. There is no need for argument or discussion on any topic because she has read everything there is on every topic, and her answer isn’t just her opinion, it’s the fact. We are just wrong. The end.
• My friend has started her similar journey. She is smarter than anyone she knows, including doctors, and is not capable of being wrong. All attempts to even discuss the possibility are shot down. She has already pre-calculated the outcome of every conversation, so there is no need to discuss it further.
• I compare it to the episode of Star Trek Next Generation where Ltd Barkley is taken over by some force and slowly becomes the smartest human on the enterprise, and almost destroys them all, while simultaneously having an arrogant contempt for the inferior humans were who once his supportive crew mates.
• I’m a little worried about my friend. She’s started some new brain medication designed to combat depression, and it’s side effects seem to be drastic, but without a family doctor, or counselling of any type, she is unaware of these effects, and she is breaking.
• Broccoli syndrome
• distration ending
• dont let the red voice speak
• beware the red voice
• #podcastworthy
• like a drunk, my red voice can be heard
• My red voice blurts and apologizes. My white voice is smart enough to know how to handle a polite conversation.
• My red voice is just joy crushingly blunt, and occasioanly rude and stuoid.
• My red voice is negative. I happen to associate red with my father. He was very much a red voice, only louder.
• Tonight, I really hit on them being voices, and the idea of red vs white was the first one I thoiught of. On second pass, I think dark side and light side is relivant, except dark voice and light vioice is just wrong. Red vs White is probably relatable, even to non christians.
• They’ve been devil and angel, and zeppelins, which makes more sense as you get to know me.
• #evolvethestory,
• For as long as I can remember, I have been talking to people about my two inner voiices, that Have been symbolized as a red something and a white something, with descripotions changing regularly as I evolve the story
• That is not true. It just seems that way, when I smoke a little weed.
• Every Happy thought
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• —
• he one I had that inspoired me to write this… was lost. Lame eending.
• I love that feeling, but for me, they often explode wiith spontanious unexopected joy when I get one, and everything else that was in my working memory was lost, like unplugging Windows 7
• But I get sidetracked easily… luckily I hve one single one left tonight, so I can have it right after writing the rest of this story.
• MmMmM Ice Cream Sandwiches… the Canadin Yellow Box No Name ones are my Favourite.
• I described it in other writings as the feeling I get when I’m sitting in bed some evening, and I suddenly realize – Inhale, Whoosh! I have ice cream sandwiches in the fridge. You cabn relate to that feeling, subsitituting your own delicious treat that you only have sometimes so you often remember it suddenly, and it’s just perfect for that moment.
• I know I feel pleasure when I learn something new, or I think of something cool. Quite frequently I have starteed expressing that joy visually and phsyically with a huge excitement inhale and Whoooo feeling. It is clear to others I’m sure that I may not be listening fully because I just had a whoo moment or three.
• Thought Orgasms
• That too is happening now with a best friend. I’m scared I take up too much time and emotion.
• I can live with a best friend forever, but the boyfriend is always priority 1, and so he should be… so my guilt plays high. My inconvenience sensors buzz loudly and the red voice feels bad, not good.
• I CAN LIVE WITH A
• I’m afraid of year 5 already… fmb #fmb – fuck my brain
• If I do that… I’ll stop looking to have lightning strike twice, and split my fun. It’s already happened. I’m transitioning one great friend from 1st to second as I search for a mate. A love. A compatability with our crazies.
• If I make a new friend as awesomely wonderful as some of the ones I… CORECTION, AS AWESOME AS all THE PREVIOUS WOMEN IN MY LIFE, ALL THE WAY BACK TO nicvk’s sister
• I am a co-dependant without a co
• I want more full time companiosnship… and balance and routine to some extent. I need a life change, and in my head, I need it to be with somebody.
• im not sure i should take on the emmense effort involved mentally in taking on a new best friend i cant touch, and have sex with, eventually. i need, for my mental sanity, to get back into a couple situation with somebody I get to call my girlfriend, not… my friend.
• to friend or not to friend.
• It was neat. We almost had a discussion. Then we both backed down and changed the topic.
• I didn’t argue the point for long, but I said we all change. I’m mentally trying to change all sorts of things, and I will succeed in many… or all.
• My friend and I had a disgreemet today. She said she never changes. She’s always been her.
• I am enjoying this phase of my evolution.
• I am learning to forget about a lot.
• or- its just another excuse my brain fabricates to keep saying no.
• My brain scenarios evil options foir evaulations and they stay.
• i have a problem with absolute trust because i am smart enough to know what evil is capable of. scams are a way of life for scammers. they have no santa claus.
• I’M NVER SURE WHETHER THEY’RE REALLY ok WITH MY NATURAl awkwardmness and charm, or whether they’re just being polite, or sadly, whether theyre fucking with me, and I’m a crazy old man, or a william hung #williamhungsydrome
• I have said to a date… I’m always afraid, even just a teeny bit, that her affection isn’t real, and any minute, her girlfriends with jump out from behind the shower curtain or from the closets and scream how gullable I was… A scene from many nerd movies.
• The mean girls hiding in the shower
• Gestures cah
• biz idea s
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• Buddy have shield tornado
• Hamster shop usual solid
• Range enact cigar angle
•  Con
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• Label maker Monitor cable Keyboard Kisses
• Watch
•  105 Raglan AveAd Astraahuston4159@rogersweb appLego room                  I do not believe this, but it was a momentary popup idea.BAM. Pop up vidoes was looking for new ideas … pick hosts with … no… pick me to dvd commentary almost anything in an odd and humerous way. I miss pop up videos. It was a two channel A.D.D friendly show. My brain is very much like pop up vuidoes.I like that ilm potential.Your Mom said: don’t keep doing that, or your face might stay that way.    end of part 1I wold hate my last words to be… no, I’m fine. I’m pretty sure this is the peak. I don’t think it’s going to be any higher.Those would be hilarious last words in enough time, but not tomorrow.In any case, I hadn;t factored in that two dots make me sleepy, so 8 dots would probably also make me sleepy.whoa…. those were not supposed to be related. Not saying goodbye on sleepy overdose. Not the intent of this message.Sorry.Hmmm.. would last words SORRY be horrible? They kinda sum me up. I’m always more sorry than proud.I’m not dead, I’m pining fir the fyords.settinhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2EVEYmeSqgLate to the Ted GameRecntly I have taken notice, that my TV watching habits have changed again. When I first started taking Paxil for obcession, I decided to start with my obcessive TV adiction. In other words, not onlky did I watch a lot of TV, I obcessivly watched it. Always from episode one in order, never missing an episode, never watching even a part of an episode. I owned the first PVR’s before PVR’s were in Canada. We owned the first Beta VHS before it would even record more than 60 minutes.I watcheda a lot of TV, but not really good stuff. As I aged, I transitioned from sitcoms to hour long dramas. Science Fiction was a must, and I’m a loyal fan of many of the majors, Trek, Wars, Firefly, Red Dwarf and the new ones too. I don’t have every episode memorized, or even the titles, but I remember quiteba bit and still use Trek references in stories about life. TOS gets a lot of credit for having deep stories, but a lot of TNG and others had great episodes.Dotor Who is my new favourite.During my time with a girlfriend, I transitioned to watching a lot more cable shows. I loved Trading SPaces with Paige Davis. It’s been well over a decade, and I still remember her name. I loved Junkyard Wars and other more reality based, or educational.Now, thanks to age and experimentations, I fear my brain has changed, and so my TV tastes have as well, but in a good way. I am not watching TV 7 nights a week 3 to 7 hours a day, or more or Sundays. I turn the TV off and do other things. I socialize in my alternative computer generated universe, in a way I imagine much like Doctor Chrusher’s stint in her created alternate universe.I write.I talk into the camera for hours. I imagine company ideas and new businesses. I think of publicity campaign ideas and marketing concepts. I write them down.I have not yet figured out what to do with it, or use it in any way possible, but I am still trying new things and new ideas and new people, and I am actually optomistic about a new venture I have actualkly started.The down side is that it’s a business venture in the other universe, and much like in Frinde, they are similar but very different.In any case, this brings it all back to my title. I arrived late to the TED Talks world. I was ware of them. I had watched a few and been blown away, but I had never dedicated any personal think time to them.Last week I recorded an hour of TED TALKS on PBS just because it came up on my TV PVR listings, not on the Internet. I deicded to give them my usual TV attention, rather than my more distracted Internet Attention. If that makes no sense to you, moveon. Those with brains like mine will understand that distinction.This week, after a mi nimal jelly dot, I was able to watch, understad and enjoy some TED talks, and had a peek. There are soooo many that are in my current realm of imnteresyt. I coulkd assimilate this information, and add it to my own stories and theories. I don’;t mean plageristically, I mean, educationally effected the way I interpret these thoughts, so that I enhance my life views and philosoplhies.
• The Next Step…
• I can’t live alone much longer. WIthout sharing, I do not exist. Without stories, I will never have existed.
• One of the TED Talks said if we can not measure it, it does not exist.
• TED Talks arer fucking awesoime, so much that it’s actually hard to watch alone. Without sharing, it’s empty.
• It’s the same thing I do when somebody shows me anything new. It’s cool, and my brain feels a thought reward.
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• PEak and run
• <heavy sigh>
• No No… just kiding. It was a lie.
• I recenty learned it wasn;t
• We learhned this was a lie.
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• BAM. Conspiracy. All Paxel does, is make weed less attarctive.
• Yesterday, I waas content that I could take two dots after work and spend the evening more reativly than usual, and then fall asleep. I liked that idea…. but then today I happened to have a spntanious free Saturday…. and so I ate a whole chocolate bar, instead of a few pieces. The effects were minimal. I have already built up a tollerance, whixh could be…..
• Yikes… THat was a scary moment there. My brain reacted to the idea that I am heavy dosin my weed now.
• SAdly, I do not remember when I did this, and which side of the wall of stone that may bit me. When I had eaten a home made brownie that wa sprobably meant to be 4 or 8 doses, I got a few seconds of whoa.
• So I took a lot…. well, not a lot a lot, but a healthy dose of 8 Jelly dots, having opreviousy tested 4.
• This past evening was to be my first night of sobriety, and I got wasted again. Pushing ediblkes to the limit. It seems my brain has a filter or something.
• Whenever I think about having to explin my emotions, I am reminded of Spock, the Vulcan Human hybrid was asked HOW DO YOU FEEL and the movie sets outy to tecah him how tio answer that question,.
• I dont yet know how I feel.
• THtree… three books. Stories, community and ANOTHER BOOK, a no name generic product
• One of the things I migt like to do with my money is to co write a book. Maybe two. Stories and Community
• One Possible Step
• blah. the end.
• I was trapped in a cage over midnight on new years eve withh limited internet access… but that story is just too weird.
• There is a difference between enjoying being told what to do, and being told how I can make you happy.
• Nope. These memories are hard to retell. I did try a stint as a collar wearing submissive, but the irony is, I coild never find the courage to ask for help, so I didn’t get to try much before I kne I hated it.
• I didn’t have thoe days in my life, so as it happens, my experiments into the bdsm lifestyle have a unique origin story. #originstory
• A lot of the good stories in life start with; back when i was in college…
• My experimentation Submission Phase
• Names to registration
• Agm Sunday 3pm
• art show
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• In my continued moytion forward in my life, I got high in Niagara falls on anovernight witgh my long time companion and Satuarday Adventures activity partner, although she’s basoically as much of a close frien d as any of the previous women comoanions except we don’t live together, so we usually make plans to spend Saturdays together.
• In any case, it’s been a very clear relastionship with no romance or tocuh. We almost always pay dutch, although I do occasionally treat. It’s a good relastionship, because we never fight or really even argue, we laugh at each otghers jokes almost always, and stay happy.
• However, we’ve always had an issue, at least in my head, with me doing drugs. This weekend, I managed to work my way up to being quite high on weed concentrate, walking the streets of the tourist trap that is Niagara Falls.
• In my continued moytion forward in my life, I got high in Niagara falls on anovernight witgh my long time companion and Satuarday Adventures activity partner, although she’s basoically as much of a close frien d as any of the previous women comoanions except we don’t live together, so we usually make plans to spend Saturdays together. In any case, it’s been a very clear relastionship with no romance or tocuh. We almost always pay dutch, although I do occasionally treat. It’s a good relastionship, because we never fight or really even argue, we laugh at each otghers jokes almost always, and stay happy. However, we’ve always had an issue, at least in my head, with me doing drugs. This weekend, I managed to work my way up to being quite high on weed concentrate, walking the streets of
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• Dots
• Cups
• Wster
•  I hate myself Less Each DayA few things have happened this week that were #blogworthy. The negative thinking side effects of my withdrawl are progressing, and I’m hating myself less each day.I tried medicial edibles of pot, and they seem to be doing a good job in keeping me from getting higgh. I don’t feel the need to get high, to be productive and creative.I have pauded the TV at 6pm and strted writing, as if I had just toked, but in actuality, I feel almost no high egffects at all… just the effects that allow me toi write. Although I’d prefer not to, I could probably answer pohone calls and do verbal tech support if needed.—            Small town bachelor’s.No mandatory leaving.More small town shows.Local tvI am ashamed of it, and it has embarassed me at least twice                     end of part 2the point was, I need to go back to therapythe Apple Flavoured LegoTrying new things is something I would not say I’m known for. I openlky say I love learning, and like new things, but I mean more like a new TV, or a new Phone… not a new country or a new job.I love new, but am terrified of change. It’s a part of my split personality.SeppelinL It occures to me I could be speaking this, on an Android.So I tried edibles this Spring.It occures to me that would have auto capilized on my phone.It occurs to me that I learned how to typoe with two finversm and get very fasty… but kids todaty type on their phones far faster than I do.DING. A bell goes off, an angel gets it;s wings, and I learn that the future is on phones and handhelds, not even tablets and coimputers. Kids can read a book on a phone, easier than a book infact. Five words per line changed my life. As a person who would lose the flow of reading, because he couldn’t find his way back to the next line, way across a page. When I could read my first ebook, it changed my life forever. More kids can read a phone book than a book book.All my client web sites must look great on phones.So… this, in an odd way is related to the green 8×2 Lego piece I bougght for $12 tax included, and had a part of tonight.About 2 hours after injesting it and swashing it around while I chewed. I don’t eat a lot of gummys, but it was an enjoyable experience, not too unlike jello. I love Jello. I was so happy when I discovered, just two years ago that you can buy Jello in a single serving fridge cup.Take 2.About two hours after injesting, I had watched two houtrs of television, and I turned it off. The effects of my medicianal building block, deciding wisely not to ever refer to sosmething like this, with an actual brand name product. This is still 2016. Lego won’t be publically endorsing weed till 2068 at least. I forget the exact date.I felt sleepy, but I decided it was worth the fight, and break through the tendancy to just go to sleep, and — well, this. I picked up the Tablet and started typing. I especially enjoyed the on speed, which has improved substancialy with tabkets.I have written elsewhere a theory that creativity , innovation and invention boost in society coinincide with the time delay between a great idea, and the ability toi turn it into a story. To share. Many great ideas are lost, because they’re forgotten before anybody got a chance to write it down.We couple, to be able to turn our lives and memories into stories.But alone, we started invention when we could start to write anything. The moment it was possible to store stories without human retelling, progress began.Printstopped.    3:44pm3 minutes laterIn my recent therapy experiments living in a test universe with an avatar not unlie the one in the movie, but less blue. I have expenaded my definition of my main issues.I do not like to ask,I am in constant fear of being yelled at or failingI crush joy with negativity questions The relapse.update. very dry mouth.  My new phone, which ironically i plugged 3 times in the video, ate it.I reco…. oh. shit. Maybe it’s all there, split into picess I didn’t notice.Anyway, the story was I took a two day real job with poor training and boit respnsability and I creacked. I broke. I quit it, half way into day two.For two reasons. 1… I don’t even know how it happened. I said yes…. and then didn’t say no.but I did get highh the weekend before the tuesday start… and it effected me.It was a dark day. Ilet myself down, and at least, dissaspointed 3 other people, whos opinions are important to me, or rather, my perception in theuir eyes is important to me.         premade naked bodies with penishotelrep theatregesturesretail packagepark with geocachepet shopthings I could actually do, with doable budget5 tests vwith 10 000
• documentary give it 100
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• back alley for drugs
• ferris wheel like london
• the tour guides. free to newbies through our package deal
• stoner head shop
• bumper cars
• complete outfits
• street with stores
• But I can’t live in these dark days much longer. I’m losing.
• it.
• I write this saying I am not addicted, and have quit.
• The one that had the most ppromise, is deadly bad, and addictive.
• To meet a one.
• It just really suck, that I have tried so many drugs since I was 27. I’ve tried most of them, on a quest to think different, but ultimatley on a quest to progress… to figure out a way to leave my square.
• I still feel 27 on a job, not 52.
• My self perception is so low, I seek failure to porve it. I make up negative perceptions, which I assume into the brains of those near me. I believe I know what theyre thinking… and it’s never good.
•  BING. The bell gies off.I have learned.
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• I recorded an hour video to make sure this story woulkd be told.
• the dark day
• buzzed for sure
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• That’s it. The breakthrough. The step back.
• I am back not loving myself.
• I have a negative thought instinct.
• I do not like to be the first one to speak
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• End of Part 1.
• I am certain I will become obcessivky vored with rest in a very short time, and be back to write part 2.
• I have heard this of edibles.
• I really am nappy. Tired. The boost in rndom creativity this medicine brings me, and allows attention to be ficused to tyhink at the speed of type, the need to close my eyes and rest seems stronger.
• Oh look, a zeppelin.
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• My brain fights. Prive vs Esteme. + vs –
• I am not quite sheldon, but closer than you’d believe.
• I need to co exist. To be a co dependant.
• I am out of ideas, and tired. I need a poartner.
• I have broken my own trust, and failed.
• ahhhhhh… I hate it already. Thereapy to restore confidence in The NOW Jeff.
• A 100 day challenge, like before. 100 days of change. No drugs, and get things done.
• That was this purpose.
• OH!
• I came close. I started a business. I invested some money. Then I ran away.
• So I tried and failed again.
• I saw a cool video today on it. A.D.H.D. may be a genetic advantage. I always said that our globe works so well because of all the different brains. Personalities are one of the things we have that not all species do. I have pride in my brain type as one of those that could have done good in this world ha it been handled differently. This is my internal way of repeating the phrase from my ypouth; Not living up to my potential.
• Ever since my first 5 year stint on medication from my first experience, I have been able to change the subject in my mind at will, and unconciously. I change the channel on bad thoughts and concentrate on good thoughts.
• I alteree my universe in hopes change would find me and force me to react. I needed to think different. Outside my already outside the box breain for wqhile, so I tried a confidence drug and hung out in an alternative universe where I could practice being closer to normal, when it came to romance and finding a mate.
• I changed the universe in front of me, and i would hve gotten away with it if it wasn’t for the fedhead and the lady with the cats.
• My ex[periment started on my birthday. In twio yesars I had not figured out a way to progress, so I quit and decided to tyry something else.
• However I think, as odf this eveningm, I may be OK with one gummy a month if I set aside time to think every two weeks or so.
• I am sad, because I fear therapy this time might include giving up drugs, and indeed I can see how that mighgt be a good path to take, but if I stay alone, and it seems that I will, then drugs are the only personal pride I have. I create when I’m high.
• I no longer make enough money to survive, at least not without giving up a significant amount of luxury, like brand name chocolate. I no longer seem to want to help. I’m agitated more, and as I fall farteher behind, i feel there is no wy back.
• I made a pretty significanty realization tonight, while muching on a pot gummy. I have fallen backwards, and after a severalmonth long trial, have faikled again, and am back where I bstarted, but a bit worse.
• Take me Back
• it doest need much
• I live in the basement youd expect to find of a drug user. A person who just doesnt care
• Gummy Confessions
• I’m totally ,ost. THis blogi is a bust
• I regret that needlesstag. It added nothing and shoulkd be edited out.
• A star Trek Scorpian would have thanked whatever animal he didn’t bite in a Star Trek universe… or Canada.
• Wow… how negative tyhat seems as I type it. What examples was I using it for?
• In any case, I liked the story up until now, and used it as needed as a weeapeon in arguments. Some things don’t change.
• Awwww…. I’ve lost the whole story in the details. A cardinal rule broken….
• Maybe a toad. I’m told they don’t swim.
• A beaver… ok, to be honest I don’t remember the other animal. I wanted to say Frog, but that wouldnt fit the story. I chose … oh wait, a beaver really doesn’t work.
• I am often reminded of a story, told to me by a character in a Ster Trek Series. Later I found it is an old story, passed down from generations, although it didn’t make the cut in the bible first edition, so it’;s not believed as true.
• Every so often, I wonder if The Universe is providing me with an opportunity. I don;t have a completed origin story of my universe yet, although I am working oin one, because – why not. It’s cool to live in an explained universe. Everyone else has one, I feel there should be a good origin story for the rest of us, that just works nice with science.
• The Story from Sisko about the beaver and the Scorpion
• Community
• Versions of
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• 10 men, 10 women, 6 weeks.
• Web series
• New eseris
• I might lease a wife
• And I might pay for that.
• Wants to do my dream, which several previous dates have learned. If some or all of them work together, then in less than 10 tries, they may be able to create the perfect girlfriend.
• She approaches me. Never talks of money
• Although the others were in an alternate reality universe (not crazy, promise), it is not unreasonable that a drifter professional scam girlfriend would hi tail it to do her spell on real life with real money.
• I made a new friend through social media, and it’s very easy to be suspicious and not trust it’s real. This would be the fourth foreign looking 20 something cute smile girl to befriend me over drugs in as many months.
• The Scenarios
• Free scriots
• Scripts with Norman
• Hypothesis proven.
• As my Universe provides, the moment I ended that sentence, my phoine pings loudly with a support question from an eighth grader is Wisconson, and I helped.
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•  Doors to role play stories, with you and a group of actors. They can Joe Schmo you in a holosuite. New stories each week.     In my head only I thikOverall March help themeWill I make myself… BlankCards against humanityWil I make y self beautiful, and share the smiles of adoring fans,Do I make y self fertile, and Don the role of motherhood.Do I make myself confused?Most common utterance of an old acid user. OMG. It’s only 420? Oh wait… I missed 420? Shit.FramingAm I cool, or a homeless hippy? I can easily see myself as a mess. A basement dwelling star Trek fan with some wit, wisdom, and a world-famous hiccup cure.My life is a mess, but if this was a crime scene, I might have been an unsung geniusIs unsung right there? First time usage. I’d hate to have that be the reason to break the flow of my story. Oh wait I just did thatI confessIn an environment I control, I confess drugs have been a major party of my current and philosophy woes.I like to evolve. O just wish I could share it without fear of interventionSounds like something an addict might say.Memory card full.No, seriously, I’m not even joking. I’m on acid. Ranting is what it’s all about fir me. Spewing everything as it comes to me is my lsd therapy. I needed a good Monday. I needed a win.       This is an anonymous post. Where you’re reading it linked to me, or the issues of equality say it all.That made sense. Really. I re read it.The universe shares the same now. Controlling that is the battleOnly negative scenariois flow without planning and obcession.I am confident in the now Jeff. He’ll do the right thing and turn in the wallet with the 20.I just need to make sure you saw me put the 5 in the jarOh. Maybe it should have been a 50?  Faith got millions through some bills hit virgin farm sex stories… A good salesman is assured. Trump faith. Facts are as useful as points against drew Cary.The winners are just the people who mastered the idiots better.What better game.This decade was fun. Next  This blog is a testOn lsd  Ok I call chicken. Health issuesSeriiuscq: will America survive a fair loss?Scary question Well played.It’s OK I think k to say the beauty distracted me. I need to revisit how hot you are, even if not shit crazyThey won.Ignorant prideI love what show a good acid trip can provide The first break is a delicate oneZeppelinWas it acid or not?A game. Put two blotters in a bag. One has acid, one does not. Take 5 and wait.30 minutes. Undetermined.WhoaTrueman’s Experiment 1A town in domed. The only change from reality is… Walmart pays $40 an hour for the best staff. An experiment in multiple ways. How will the customers react to a highest quality customer service. How a higher moral and confidence may change everything.The rest of the town may flourish as staff shop anywhere but Walmart with their earnings.Even entry level can be placed at near top wage, but loses 1 dollar with every warning or reprimand down to minimum wage. Oooo. That seems harsh.Clearly 40 an hour could command a different demographic to apply, but some work is best performed by… Bam. That is the thought I had first, and then I remembered that classic Eddie Murphy and Dan Lloyd movie, Trading Places.Although you mat attract a higher class with a higher wage, you may well give some youth an entirely different and real reason to be a higher class. I almost never use the concept of class in my stories, because class is on the mind, and can be an awful word.I use the word class in many of my main stories. I lied. I am offended by my usage, because it’s such a significant stripy.Getting back to the fiction, it might make a neat story.Bam      cigarettes start conversations… It may be their best reasonalcohol does in a small window, before the conversations are more about you, than with you.BamMy writing is better since second life and Elisa revelation.Job ideaLooking in the mirror now, after a week at home alone with a stuffed nose and my dentures out, I take a second look. My beard is untrimmed and has a second beard, growing directly underneath on the eve where I would normally shave.I reshaped my mouth slight and grunted. I thought, wow. I’d make a great homeless guy as a background extra. I bet there could be a career in just that. A respectable middle age guy with a youthful look, that can look real hobo, especially without teeth. If they hire real homeless guys for the roles, then I might be a bump. An extra with extras, like an action or line.How weird my head can look like that in the mirror, and instead of thinking, OMG I have to fix that, I think, I bet there is a market for this type of slob.Wow. The power of the mind to justifyForced InteractionOne of my new directions of thought is in matchmaking. The difference in quality of life is gigantic, when shared. For me, and my philosophy writing, life doesn’t even exist alone. I am a tree in the forest, and unless I make some share worthy stories, nobody will hear my fall.My story, and inability to date may be unique, but I’ve seen people of every type, style and demographic with meeting people. As a society, we seem to care more about the right one, despite the math saying almost everyone gets the first one wrong. In generations past, couples were chosen or arranged. They stayed together for life in many cases.Today, the pretty and rich, date the pretty and rich, and everybody else dates everybody else, but with apps, and sites and services available to us, we’re able select our own matches so many ways.So many ways but one. Interactivity. Often a couple won’t meet for days or weeks or even years.However, each night a lot of people go out often, get drunk and try to hook up by looks and style, or sheer math. No profiles and backgrounds.opnening lines.To me, a terror.PauseThe moment. The humpZone passed. Energy goneMy point was, I had lots of ideas bars could use for singles muxedsMarch slumpSo I had a be one. A slump that progressed to a bender, and is in day 3 of sad revovery.I define my new problem is, I don’t do well living alone. I am basically retired, with no or limited contact to anyone… 6 days a week. I have no hobbies.If I were 80,telling you this story, you might be worried. We’ve seen seniors go crazy when leaving work. The successful ones take things up.I don’t. In fact, I start to fail at the ones I did well. Customers become an inconvenience.I get bored. Not since I was a child have I liked that word. It was my theme, and my mother would… React and give me a so each. I wasn’t alloys to say I was bored.We’ve all seen the boyfriend or husband character in media. He has to be told two or three times to do his chores. Now imagine if there was no girlfriend or roomate to make the request or reminder.I live in the home of a man, who can’t be bothered to do anything. It’s a lost hope home. My dreams if game nights, or movie nights, or murder mysteries are forgotten.My dating life is stopped, before its started. I have sabotaged my life as a or emotive strike.It’s was easy.I’ve built my wall.Mexico paid. (a joke that only makes any sense on March 2016)I need more human interaction, and the only problem is, I am terrified human interaction. I need to be lead… And I will probably fight it with my actions. I’ll say no.            Not benegitAll fakeToday I saw my first ad for the dual system the hair shampoo people came up with decades ago. Finally.On 1964, brushing with water had virtually the same results as brushing with paste. The same is true today, and yet the dental isle is huge. Everyone is better than the last.I felt low rentI was a drug user in a very messy basement apartment this weekend. I did a bender. I had a great time followed by not a great time.This happens to be the night that everything is loud. Loud dance music. Loud news to drown out music, Lou’s sirens and finally loud voices in my head.Perfect.WowThe breakthrough. Rp bookBased on a true story. The book of the boy who talked to himself.I have been thinking of how to best make these stories into something. I want to make a step forward on this ambition.I learned rp thus week. I think it might be a good idea to do a reality show about a guy with no game, go on dates in sl.I also think the world may be ready for rp in the rest world. I might pay for a one day a week fake wife.No. That’s just another fantasy. This week’s memories are all a jumble of wants and wishes.I want to give it up and move on, but it had some fucking awesome moments. That game may change the future moreh than anything else on the Internet if they don’t lose the lead.But I am aware of the untapped market of guys like me.Cut to 6 years later.Wow. Would have believed it… We searched the whole world. There was nobody like me, so I guess the convention is over.Troi InspiredEarlier today I referenced not once, but twice a star Trek episode to use as a simile example. Just a moment ago, laying silent in bed contemplating my universe, inspired in part by the Beverly Crusher personal universe episode.Another realization to add to this madcap, semi serious bender. The gone down felt harsher than usual because the high was gull of firsties, which an old man, it’s precious.For a man who lives without sex and dating, a smile has extra power.Tonight I was pondering my emotions more than usual. Some random comments had been made that made me refrain my social issues. One day, a few years ago I described what it felt like to be me sometimes, and I used the character Dianna Troy to illustrate. An alien from another universe that had the power to feel other people’s emotions.I have always said that I can feel a smile but the truth is, I face watch. I live to see the face.At some points I my life, I have felt like I was feeding directly off the emotions of the others I am near. A happy atmosphere is in the air.Of course I can sense anger and am terrified by it. I feel hurt when anger us around me. I may crumble if I can’t get away.I get false positives sometimes.Too tired to end.New Career ChoiceOne dream future is one my my wants back to now and then. I am somewhat haunted by the paraphrased breakthrough from my therapist who so dropped the bomb on me when she told me she thinks I would hate all the lives I gave goal status to. I would be miserable in any of my dream scenarios.The truth is, I will find a way to be miserable wherever I am, at times, but if I can find a job where I am happy more, I might enjoy those parts. I’m hopeful.I’ve been happy. It was one of the best days.However, if I really look at the NOW Jeff, I am very happy helping.I think I could be a good on stage lecture tour guy or touring convention circuit.HaI could hardly finish the sentence of a job I might like, and. I got be able to do, my negative red thought bubble us already yelling No making poorly over acted belly laughs at the idea.I reach over and unplug him…. Now. My grain is right. That’s way too much to do, even with a staff of support.EnvyI have envy. I look at people who appear to be having fun and I wish it were that simple. I sit alone at home fantasizing that I could be them, at a beach bar somewhere hot surrounded by bikini women.Then, as I picture myself in their shoes, I realize it is not for me, and I am content again.However, if you successfully kill all your life’s fantasies, you are left without a goal, and living goalless is a chore, not a life.I want to be a better person. I already think I’ve cone very close to a good person, by all definition. I just do the just put that on for show. I really do like to live a good life and respect everyone who deserves it. I am generous, courteous.I just care too much about what you think, and if you’ll still like me when I’ve had a chance to spoil it. Failure obcession consumes my time with a new friend. If our future is as friends, I am fine. I need not obcess over romance, and we can be fast friends. Let’s play a game.If the idea is to date or find a mate, I start sabotage early. I reveal too much too early and make he great guy I was you to know, is really a crazy guy working g the great guy suit.My biggest move, is to start explaining. I want to bring my crazy to the first date, because if I pass, I do t need to be as worried… But the truth is, that is usually what ends it.Im not positive that isn’t on purpose. Forcing the fail on myself and using it to avoid rejection after I imagine a future is the sort of plan I can imagine my brain comes up with. It has evolved into all new levels of protection.My unconscious mind is the guard duty that works before I know it, and it’s run by to negative side of my brain that believes no is easier than try.I envy the brains that don’t.Sigh.The evolution of JeffThe universe is an amazing place, and within it, there is as much fascination in the smallest particles within everything as there is everything.The concept that math allows the same number of even numbers as there are numbers. Infinity is incomprehensible, and it’s awesome.I have been amazed at times, like most people I would imagine, at life. We all had that question, and some chose to follow the story that worked for them. When pondering a question that seems to have no answer we can know for certain, for many, it is best to just pick a story and stick with it. If your answer is God, then it works.We can never understand how a human mind other than our own thinks. I can not confirm even that you and I see the same green. It’s easy to dismiss everything in existence to a God.It is however, far cooler to watch the discovery channel for a while and see how moths evolved to look like something else.Outside of humans, most people know very little about animals, but humans are just one of them. We appear and convince ourselves we’re different. We can tell you all the reasons how were better than the animals who did not get opposing thumbs, but when we consider evolution, a lot of people think of it as how we got here.Really, evolution is what we live in. When you touch a stove that is hot, you learn not to touch a stove. You lean how to tell if it is hot. Then, as you grow, you own that hot stove top, and you master ir into making you bacon.I evolve, with life lessons daily. I remember when I first learned I had a funny gate. I walked funny. I watched my feet, and corrected it. I stopped looking at the ground too. I usually walk with fair posture and look up.Friends of mine may snicker. I think k it’s possible I still walk funny. I choose not to ask.Every once in a while, a stray remark or comment will hit me. I’ll see a flaw I an fix. Often I don’t, but sometimes I do.I think this weekend might be a new level. I might actually make some changes again. ItYou don’t need to has babies to evolve.MaybeThe one goal I bounce back and forth in my brain both when I’m down or happy is writing. I wish they’d invent a way to see people smile when they read my work.A thumbs up like is close, but not the same.How do I hate thee. Let me count the ways.I’ve often said the reason dating sites don’t work for me, is the same reason I don’t buy clothes online or off the rack. I find reasons to say no, the more options I have.It’s easy to view a profile and find a reason to not try.In life, I am realizing I am the say. I have a small but growing list of things that are pretty much automatically a yes. Choices I have made before are easy choices. I will choose the brand name restaurant for example because something new may be worse.Most of my life choices are made this way. I ask, is it possible choice A which I do not know much about, will be worse than the choice I am familiar with?I play safe. I avoid the possiability of not liking things. I say no.I don’t leave my bed. I don’t leave my comfort zone. Even if my brain says…. Awwww. It’ll be fun.Sadly, it would have been, and I will regret it when I see your Facebook posts, but this is depression and the possibility of failure is enough. I landed on a snake. You go on without me. I’m sliding back down to row three on the board.I mat make this post a series.Why I’d hate the following… Post a title of a perfectly doable solution, task, or life change that would probably be great for me, and then let me create aist with enough reasons why I might hate it, and it’s enough to cross it off the try list for a while.I sabotage my escape routes before even trying the door.I do try. All the time, but without that partner I crave as the easy our excuse, I never really try hard. But I do get high and think about ways out. Then I get sober and depressed about how I can’t try.In a cycle.In a loop.At 52, I’ve been trying since 27.But… Here I lay, in my bed alone, 430 on a Monday, pretending it’s Sunday and I don’t have to try again till tomorrow.I’m tired.What’s the name of that guy ring a rock up a mountain? I should look to see how that story ends because I’m not as patient as an old man. I’d be hoping that rock would crush me if that was my life.In symbolism, that is my life… Or ateast how it feels after a back to back try and fail weekend.I get my happiness from other people. I get my unhappiness from myself, when I don’t have somebody in front of me.But I am terrified and paranoid to ask for 24/7 attention, and when you are in front of me, I’d probably rather talk about you… Or anything… Or even play snakes and ladders.My fear of being a bother makes my time with somebody feel like an obligation I’m making them suffer through.I run away as soon as I stop being able to fill any lull with a joke, or a new topic.4.41pm… Lots of reflective writing today, or at least good starts, and them sadness meditation breaks.I feel like I want to comfort the reader. Ohhhhh… No no no. Don’t worry for me. It’s not the bad, really. My sadness dies nor deserve your attention. I can’t drag you in. I lie and smile and start talking about pickles.Ah… There. I saw you smile.Snakes and LaddersI like games. I always have. The funny thing is, later in life I noticed something that I’d been oblivious to for previous years, and I was surprised it didn’t bother me. I learned, I suck at games.Most of us have met one of those people who seem magically good at a lot of things, naturally. I’ve met three in my life that made me take notice that they exist. Guys who can say things like; “ok. I’ve never tried billiards before… Tell me what the rules are”, and then beats you by 7 balls… On the table in your own basement.It didn’t really bother me that I was always losing. Sports were clearly not my thing, neither participating or watching.However games with two or more opponents wasn’t always about the score. Playing games is more about the time spent together, with smiles and fun. I will admit that I love winning. It is a rare treat, and I suspect I have been known to over celebrate at times, but I quickly learned that not winning is still fun, and allows for a lot more self deprecating humour, which is safer than the jokes the leaders get to make.My family had a bunch of boxed Bord games, which we stored above the dining room China cabinet. I don’t remember how it would start, but frequently the occasion would arrive, and we’d bring g one down and play a round or two.Clue was good, but needed four players to enjoy. I’m sure it must have happened, but I have no memory of ever winning clue. It was one of those thinking games where you had to solve a puzzle by exclusion and I understood how it worked but it was always too hard for me to do, while simultaneously playing the game and having fun. That kind of I type thinking isn’t for me. I figure out how to come to the right answer, assure myself that with time and perhaps a pencil, I could do that, and I am satisfied. There is therefore no additional satisfaction gained from actually solving the details for an answer.However, I play the game, feed off the smiles and interactions with the players, get a few laughs at my jokes, and consider it all a success.I never played video games. None of the stuff I love about games when there is no crowd. Then it’s just losing and sucking all alone.As I moved away from my family, I did my best effort to keep my love for games alive. Some of the best conversations I’ve had were either driving, or at a table.In my private head, I have many things on my life I have turned into games. I look at life, and make little bets.Zeppelin end.Writing mood stopped suddenly.The title of this post refers to a classic but simple board game. One of the ones I assume us made for younger people starting games. You roll a die and try to get from start to finish before me.The thing that I hated about snakes and ladders was that it seemed to mimic life a bit, in that winning or losing never had anything to do with the players. Nobody could be better at it than me. It was all just whether you rolled on more ladders than snakes, and yet… I still lost.Snakes and ladders made you optimistic. You could really have a lead and feel good, and then watch it slide by on your way back down. A silly fun game with a crushing life lesson.I preferred games where my win meant something. It was earned. Of course, those games were harder to win.I still love games. I participate in at least one game night with four or more people most months, and would like more. It is a great way to hang out with people, laugh and smile and enjoy time.I’m so sad to see it going away as a tradition.Half end.Sell a subtle thing people can see but won’t know what it is. Not a tag.Life TrialsThrough computer technology, I have been able to practice life. I have actually been going to clubs, and atmpting to flirt and pick up women.I have been spending more than half my life in an alternate universe that is constanty epanding.I have been blogging about the firsties. That xtra special momet when you see something your friend or partner wanted to share, and it’s cooler than yiou imagined. The firsties. The Origin Story.Book title.             In previous pages, I talked about a book of society… or an Edoc for your phone.I don’t think I ever told the end of the joke about knowing all the jokes. Some day we’ll just call out th numbers. J7 H AHAHAHA The editor will want to take that out.Many companies have their own bibles although few will be based on storie, but rather short form lists of what you can and should not do…. and the book. Big or small. It’s more than a user agreement. Some people will read them, some people will say they did. They will be standing behind the ones that did when te fires star.THereThe white pill.Smual L. Jackson shows up at a recall audituin. He’s here to reprise his role as Morphius for this article photo shoot. After 70 minutes of yelling what the fuck at just about anyone. Nobody caught this error. I am not Lawrence Fishburn.An unknow actor opens his hads face upward, palms to the ceing. He has an orange pill and a white pill, and asks to choose, before saying more.I choose not to choose.This weekend I did a gram of that other drug that actually really hate. It has no good high for me, and it really has only a mild effect when I smoke weed too. O write, and it’s a little noticably differentLast night was a milestone. I went on three dates with women, all of who I met organicly with a situation comment rather than an interuption line. That’s really theonly way for mw.I did several things wrong, fpr all 3. I terrfied one O think, bored another, lied and left earlu on the one I like most. and made a lot of proises to a compleye strahnger that wont ork our I predict.This weekend I also blew through my inecurities and exposed myself. Two internet telephone dates have hotten good money from me. Abd probably more.Rgus weekend, when a third tried to pick me up and she had a surprisingly similar stor y with different shirt colours, I was afraid my car was gone.  SHow on a tvnetwork or station                    Oh look, a zeppelin.I arrived in London first this on my morning at 8am or so. My watch hoes off St eight every morning until IBamIs until a word? Us Till rjvhtFuck, there is a very real possibility and tonight is the ending that was inevitable. Crossing a person line just to see how you can think on a new drug. Maybe this next trip will be the trip home.MixinI have an idea for fiction too. However, just now I thought maybe the world is very picky about new superheros because they can sell be just too dilly when your a level above me on the secrets. Kids don’t know there is no Santa till she x. Then they Kerr is no Jesus filling in the mom or fewer you respect and care about letting down.If we can just try harder to get everyone a person they know cares.I did crystal meth. I pulled the bad age off and switched the topic is antsy to the crime.Lag. I stopped. Ok. So I have had 3 or four marathon boot camp marathons. I am the character in the movie that… No. My self image was bad when I looked ok in RL. Now my wisdom and experience let me in on some secrets. Parents really have to enforce rules and honour. I am almost a lost case because as far as I can tell red brain can be a N asshole.I have not lived a normal life, but because nobody had ever really figured out there was big money in just watching people barely dumber than you.I always wondered if less intelligence people get it. They’re just different and one day, as your future rocket launcher taxi. At w…Too deep for the stream.This us the first in a series I will really try to get online somehow.I don’t want to be famous. I just want a few fans. After 50 I finally have the confidence to exist. As a 52 year old poorly kept or dressed nerd. Without the aid of an optional accessory called a girlfriend.Think for a moment, a planet where only men survived but it just became a personal need and… Stop. My real life personal has been to aid and assist, but wherever possible, only appear to he, P but look frustrated that nobody told me what to do.   I made that up, but a flourish like that in a story could be innocent and ignored, but it could also change evidence in a trial and set a man free or put away the right guy, all from completely innocent changes they video tape shows. The cup moved slightly at midnight. In your universe you choose what to believeEnd of part 1.Sometimes you don’t know it’s a pattern till 3 or moreSome notes. This part is being written by one finger as the kept hand cradles the phone. I can not afford the luxury of looking at the output, just his ginger on the keyboard. I had a head start you night say by not learning to type.The story of his first two firings was significant, but in the period where I was doing at everything, and sabotaging Nothing F that comes close to success. I wish I had a family style cutaway gag to I list rate the next story.Bam. The Simpsons tree house of horrors is a great example. Please of a modern day Bible. It stands one from canon and they may exaggerate things to make their rules and wisdoms as a pretty decent idea for the times. You might even say brilluant Water cough bamTo slow. Already goneSaturday night live cutaway and nobody back stage had a clue why I cut to them.Bam   I am both obsessively freaking out about having a fantasy, with the possibility that I will have more successful than guillifanBing thecstarvtrek cutaway zeppelin is a story… On my head, those three dots at the end of a half sentence are almost certainly a way to identify my style. If indeed, people do obcess themselves into other people’s livesBamWhaaaaaaa?Ph. No dummies. That’s where we put the drinks when we watch TV. I’m shamed at you officers. It will take some time to work my reaction into the planBam  Bam        At tanagraSide zipping. I only ever gave somebody a nickname, and as I became self aware and understood the difference between caring.The scariest thing in the entire world, for everyone equally is, I really believe there are some people who have been raised in the Trueman’s show.Question. In Canada we have a unique heritage situation where a portion of the country decided it is far to important to accept second place. All guys are treated evil, the 2020 decade. I feelBam water, next. It’s getting worse, and the flashes of ideas come faster than the punch line, a month Python was k own for, at least to me. A moment in time is one of my top picks for gesture I E been using in realufe so Xe I first started trying the go for the Queen and all the hearts.I Did that today. I hot high, but on my orange Jeff uniform and exit through the window. I feel like I want to explain my jokes because I feel my memory chooses what it turns into stories to rememberIn the second life universe, let’s just write the story as a future where the two sides of each country can actually be legitimately told to be scared over and over unless you get us back in charge of the Whitehorse.                          Bsm  Next topic. Beep paper jam. The teleprompter went dead.Now at this point, I have subtly primes tour head with all the laughs but yet diet know.In an emergency change in mood that needs the perfect, zeppelin.A single word can bring the house down. I will include my source inspiration.Darn it. I am do skilled to directing the conversation away from we don’t want you to ask.The problem with a good conspiracy theory is that basic search vetting can be generated to set a trap. Entire cities may exist onside zones not on any flight paths, with a pretty full proof system, I told it’s not.It us a little scary subconsciously that starship all had such obvious design flaws and binary electronics theory should be easy.. Stop. That was making the story use a made up vedsiknI am both sad and happy simultaneously because I had a wonderful and glorious say in my series life as open enjoyed of mind altering drugs.My personal, as long as I can remember has been to speak when I was spoken to, and never ask. You are a smart child, clearly… But you have not completed anything in grades 11 12 or 13My writing is filled with triggers. We are taking your mind back to a time you can pick as your style.Peak. My mind fold with references to quotes and scenes from pop culture used to be memorized and recited. I am proud of my memorization of a good percentage of Monty Python. There was no hope that u could win, so there was no use to enter. You can run it right now..I am well aware that I had made some rules with traps on my soul that make me confess.Keeping lies secret is so hard for me, especially if my opinion is wrong. I learned for the very first time, how often I would be wrong with confidence I was right. I have seen myself give up on a task using the defence that if I k of for a fact that I any win, I don’t see the good reasons beating that vote.As my universe story I don’t control isBam no yawn but tired.Reset.Old. Thinkable the speed of my fingersNewThink at the speed of my voice.Most people… Stop… Auto correct.Bam. If I had been talking into the webcam, I would have had this look, which quite is key would make an enjoyable mintage. Ding but to be fair, my replacement had I run away, would almost be better in every way than me, except you probably won’t like him. In my story, orange Jeff..Is second life orange Jeff the Charles Nelson rely of our time. Flamboyant and attention seeking in bright orange open front shirtNewline      ZeppelinContinuing yesterday’s story after the vrakeI can not see the screen. Shit.The problem. It is so much fun writing a speach even if the joy is in the freedom you may die tonight, and your request to say it was not the first time. My reality is bad for me and crushes my reality faster than a Santa castle might have fell if a fat guy fell on the side by accident.Bz BamThe story, and the reality are both bad, but a story can be written to change the word by changing the story.America can E great gain. The WY, quite literally is to change the story. The only way, we an save our country from attack… Is to show off and pick sides based on profit to America. The story is that we care about any country taking over another and trying to use a story to be taken as official.Ding pride break, go stand and walk around, then rush back with all your ideas inspires by the kitchen, and fire it waiting for the tablet to accept my fingers.Can software translate my finger patterns to be used with sentence structure for on, of and in it, if I add a newFuck. My plan was working so wellBamRegrets saying Fuck. It was a cheap attempt to make orange Jeff as more… Blank. My brain activity sends distractions to fight against the tedious.Bam   Hitchhikers guide made custom planets.If we accept that life is actually way more satisfying when you live in a story. People have used examples of princes and princessFuck.Landlord is here.324 in the morning..   Feels much better, but Fuck. There is almost certain information a reason to knock on my door at 328 am.Now, I know I am paranoid, but I also know that I am old, hardly move at all, go days without talking to anyone. The drugs have almost email made my symptoms worse, either in reality or in the story. It would be easy to accept my forgetfulness is because of acid, and not why acid was so cool for me.Since my first visit with the PhD doctor. It was cool. I loved it, until I didn’t. That’s the only way I’ve known.Bam. I have never given into passion because I always assumed I would fail. So for the first 33 years, I chose to let the terror of rejection, stop me from trying. I was finding a point of stress, and doing what it takes to release that, and relax deeperBam update obligation guilt. It appears BamI can’t remember for sure, but in my mind, she invented it. Since I saw him build these great devices and structures and I knew he was at least at one point, the plant manager, where he also invented things in much the same way the story allows for my story to borrow some characters between, but eachVamBamThey’re gonna search us before tgecabbkubcemebtBamBam Gather weekly in common ground less effected by government, where we are free to seek advice without incrimination. It indeed deserves to be an honour, but the world has seen to many stories of the fantastic that we are just now closer to the feeling of the first is guy who yells out a comment, of rude intent or accident, it should be clear it’s nktI like elementary. It joins mo k and psych as two retelling ofcsgeajsoear because somebody had the honour of being chosen as the official stories we show to the oublic  Bam artirstsBsmBam, that will be less creepy when you understand something vital.Bam Bam bam Jeff brain example. My submissive needs are so great I will do so much. The hypnotist has told me how good it feels to please her when I masterbate, and on weed, I must say my top memories of climax wereBam autoThere have bbeen some short periods in youth that my brain will have done it all the ways and at some point, the feeling is leas, like the third snort off the glass table.The authors DVD cometary might footnote that name…  Bam science fiction is known through history for yelling the stories of possible scenarios      And your book of stories Mrs Wilson.Abraham?Does it need to be believable?  Bam It would be possible to convince people that sometimes the fix comes before the break, and red formats table has a 2 foot tall kitchen table.Problem. Can I trust in that being funny to others is a hard step.  See? This is what I have been trying to explain, because I lived with a never ending hope that there would be times that my idea as and alternate realities may just be the stories they don’t tell usThe first step in stopping a leak big enough to break faith will cripple all those who knowingly did horrible things because submission in aewl????The joy of firstiesFull of firdtdNo better date tool.    no badge requiteed in video roomprihrsm bok desdline marchee31 portable urlnsbook artist from wkrd on streetbppkmarksfrogstar in grab bagWatch “Stand Up Comedy… On Acid!” on YouTubehttps://youtu.be/LM0A9urb8xM
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• april 17 pre reg
• awesome artist
• mail list
• prohramming sync
• sabaginski@rogers.com anna hotel liason
• contacr all dept
• nedneed vendor links
• adastra
• Show sl friends online without logging in.
• App idea.
• Was that a sabotage, or an out.
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• Bam
• I am the guy who thinks this way.
• If I predict a day,, I will fail.
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•  Hhge
• The yellow pages take the contract the job.
• Try for believable but Sim for memorable. If you have to change it all, it didn’t matter, but after a fight, the country gets one.
• Yes?
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• Welcome to Canada. Here is your maplecsyrup
• Imagine this.
• On early times, once the super great idea to batteries the idea of a national book of stories, translated.
• Pulp fiction is a good example of a new Bible.
• It is 20 books with one complete story, but with characters from any. More of a themed apology rather than a collection if stories. Like when some bands experimented with theming an entire album or dual to a single related stories.
• I was saved again. My bedroom is ground zero for the project known as Kevin’s rules.
• Q that is what my brain be, I even it dies well although at this minute, I am distracted be rl
• The two times I consider the most magical life changing moments when you realize you like somebody and you want to pursue. In my brain, I start as if preparing for a wedding. The Gray is portioned and
• Oh Fuck. Wow.
• Bam. I need the assistant who doesn’t need the end of the sentence.
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• Fhck
• I had a brief pride pint for how cool this stream seems in my head.
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• Robin Williams made a career out if this I tgink
• That’s who is next
• It makes more sense for the masters to be considered great, but when the population doubles in size, and more support to give
• Bam. Proud point. I will now confess more to continue my story, but ad it’s first retelling fromm Emory. As soon as possible. If I am the only one that knows the reality, my story becomes official.
• What if we just say we don’t tell the babies about race.
• Bam
• Theory. What if the lack of an answer about our origin story, it’s not totally wrong to one day create a book free for all, containing the stories to tell through the ages to demonstrate how we want society to be.
• The power of the knowledge of the story.
• This moment could be the defining moment of my story.
• Fuck
• What?
• There is something inside of
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• I remember mother saying I should put the other light on. It’ll ruin your eyes.
• I turn off my light and continue on the tablet with only it’s own light
• Fuck
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• Gjvk
• Fuck. I know he’s going
• I imagine a story of
• Clmmln sense can not always be used to tell the better story.
• I hear his Peanuts adult voice as the content walls distort the actual words better than the second life tool that can hide your voice or change it. It is controversial, as will ever legal battle for decades. We have almost ached a planet where races are closer to being treated equally,
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• Bam
• Bam
• Slash me ponders the situation, and wishes he could figure out a way to live in a true man show created for you
• Before I kill you Mr bond, I must first introduce you to
• The regret, if any, and don’t use that against me to contest the Will… Fuck.
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• Lie
• Bam lost that one. No harm in a walk around. I can be stubborn and believe this is a weed high and it’s just built to feel bad.
• I M reminded of the story of
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• Bz
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• Bam
• This is tat Bruce Willis movie, in reverse. A flip script is an episodic device. Flip scripting accounts for a lot.
• Bam zepelin
• Law and Order could probably submit at least one episode to be modified for… I lost the flow of my story, because the lookout part of my brain that does its best to keep me alive. If I do this starting soon, I think I would like to have a director create a movie in second life about two actors who
• It’s more than pretend, it’s using the exact same acceptance that in Hollywood, where society is pretty clear that entertainment is Ll stories.
• That is a zeppelin one that us hilarious to me, on a level only I could know. That sounds pretty crazy, right? If I’m starting to look really crazy because I discovered a way to live my life, in the alternate university right now.
• Newline
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• Now I know why I switched to audio. I can go faster when I upgrade I think k at the speedometer typing, or speed of voice. That… Gotta be together in type.
• Zeppelin return,
• I think it is a great story to describe my bran as being able to have an option on almost anything. Sharing my option in the for of a story is how I now exist. I think it could be fun to have a mistress control me.
• Remember the 911 cops that call 911 because he thought he was dead and so was his wife, only stoner style. T was hilarious to people who had body hash before.
• I just realized that sounded like I was writing the story as a suicide note, and now the possibility exists without a lie to already be on their way here.
• Shit.
• Wow. Publishing two Daren Stevens in as many days, could actually be a clever suicide note. If you see things like that, it could mean, the world would not notice if I was replaced by another guy, and that’s lower than being….
• Yes ladies and gentlemen… Shiiiit zeppelin the TV is on. Sirens in the brain, and my Herman’s head characters yell out punchlines. In my story, it’s no problem. I confess in my real life, I have lied to myself under the lie that I had written my story. In my universe, .. Oooo. In my story, I don’t need to die tonight.
• I can not go in there with confidence. I’m sorry. The pressure to succeed requires more thinking g power than the virgin touchy feely side in a way that could be so beyond the absurd that it is sincerely funny and you let out a fill belly laughed. The idiot told a joke. The idiot made us laugh, once out of your whole act, and I’m leaving so I can say that and technically not telling a lie.
• I think at the speed of one finger. It seems to work for me
• Ok…
• Recap for the attention imparted. I have somehow, without anyone really noticing, become a dominant and confident party guest for one kind of party. TV taught me most good parties want to tell you
• I M not monk. I am not Spencer. I am not sherlock, sherlock k, sherlock k or sherlock. But your brain is do ethics g #storyworthy
• And the only real test is brief.
• I need a woman smart enough to be right most of the time, without the need to be right all of the time.
• Arranged marriages not O Ly could work for some people. I wouldove to be paired with one woman who I respect.
• Weed was not my gateway drug. I remember my drug origin stories andikevto tell them. My orange Jeff personal never existed. An idea of mine from years gone by. Bars that sit you with dates.
• Ok.. I really want to admit I crossed my own cut off, a couple of times.
• After a roller coasters good death story is one that is special in any way, but with a hook or a twist.
• Grief
• Bam. That joke. At least once in my memory, I can visually recreate the story Of doing an activity, but frequent find I can not recall everyday life, unless I turn it I to a story and tell it every five E yeads
• On acid in times past I am reminded of
• Bam
• One if the reasons I use drugs, is pretty much actually the things F that u fought so hard against. I will say I use the term Recreational hypnosis because our universe has evolved to a file and search universe.
• This is a new stage to get through.
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• Bam
• Ta da
• At some point in every situation, a distraction will be so alluring that it needs both eyes.
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• Bam
• Having one book across the nation would have solved do many things. As meeting neighbours became more commonplace, we would excgange our stories. Although pride would come wiyh
• I worry that my first impression will be do bad in the first three seconds, and it got worse and worse and worse, revealed in just the right scripted performance e
• Coke sells better when preferring g it is a pride you will fight to defend if pushed.
• Something that is so absurd, people will be torn whether they hate the other ootikn
• When I first started to understand that I had something big.
• Fuck. This is an unacceptable solution for me. I look for the fastest way to get my own spontaneous moment when something I can live k to something I gavecsen
• I imagine a scenario where the schedule g for the life of a Jordanian worthy of keeping up wi
• I have to say it. I have to turn my memories into stories. I have to. In my head, it is as assured as Doctor houses new team member. She made some great Bible chapters, then she switched to hoped to be chosen as the right balance. There are a lot if women in real life that could, with the same stylist doing you up any time you go out.
• I did have a peak while, undetermined when I do t fully remember time. We call it sleep, but all of our universe is the stories we tell and the stories were told. All it takes to change the world is to change the stories No in a public favour elections in a country with as logically unusual 50 60 ish wavering half. It’s blown up uncontrollable like we turned Halloween into a holiday where the idea of secondife gets called a tradition to have a party where the confident kids do t notice, the to I s and Alfred’s of the world probably all too often have controlled deaths seeding.
• How I. Portent is the stream? I can not write linear time. Let me explain the stays as if 529 am Sunday morning.
• Flash fantasy. The last starlight er Co. Especially to Pick me up. k
• Stop. I have to careful telling stories in today’s world.
• No.
• The story I am writing today has included bad puns or errors that some people might notice. It is posdibl
• On star Trek they figured our the language shorthand just by speed reading g their official book of stories. Since ea H culture has their ownocization like a differ plaint at the good old blues brothers boys.
• Let me rest that, as I would if I were talking, because smart people figured out add and could make up numbers and treat them as facts good enough for marketing as long as we say sorry and pull them down with zest the morning after the election.
• Bam, oh yeah. I telephoned to London square. Awesome Island created by people and are treated as items.
• You void as w about trump
• Fuck. The auto correct for drunk testing so hilariously off, that people like my mother trust it is a lie, before giving it any power.
• I want to tell you of my trip toonfon England. A wide screen area which is a strong and powerful server where new people are first assembled and hatched in one of 8 base model designs. They are the Ge Eratoone units, MD O the story, that’s what you give a noon too. I was corrected for calling them
• The bad news. It’s ways scary to come clean with a story that owes the story. Society has one, seen evolving through style, the class system and maintaining a hidden class by I intentionally investing money on making an J fervour feel. Cheap good tastes different. To say it tastes so she I fix that a few well placed leaks of ideas.
• Of I accept my hypothesis that live memory and story memory are in separate rooms. Live memory could connivance be cache memory.
• I am two g my story by using other stories to try to explain something.
• Obvious redirect zeppelin. In my current t story, I see a sword fight. It is between captain pirate and the man in LA k.
• I spent done time today with my story character orange Jeff. I am storyboarding them according to pre scripted dance scripts for direction.
• The big reveal. I can’t be hung with your sadness as a burden if I leave. I can’t say that can I?
• Oh Jeff you’ve used that one before. Jokes can E like Oscar dresses. You won’t get far effort somebody comments on that choice. I do think about that. I give attention to the perfect cover of invisible. Venerable.
• The punchline news. Graduate says that luke
• I could tell the street Trek episodes meet under dramatic deadline concequences of they don’t figure out a way to figure out the only way to survive, is to figure it out without even common gesture language. The funny face gentlemen talked on words we eventually figured out as names and events or stories. Their entire language was down to chapter and verse numbers.
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• Bam
• My brain glazed at least O dozen other paperback covet.
• The parts of emotion and the pieces I need to build my life story isn’t because you think anyone will care, but when you turn life into a fame where you could win
• I probably cried, b…
• My official story is, I do t remember much, but u do remember I gave up the fame Al. It immediately turned and walked home without my hat
• Before Bam I lost the TNG story. It flames as a playful game like your opens playing cat H your hat in a circle over my head at the only store within a me. The story as I remember it was that I tied to use the exact nerd response. Bam. No.
• B.
• I see that story on multiple levels. It made me laugh, even at times when I didn’t get any of the local gags. I liked the fact that I was average. I was proud of 50 because I knew I was special.
• Scene in dated BBS film 70s comedy error. John cheese is in the middle of a stage coach set up. He starts to display his confidence that the stories are special. More that a tbs show abiut
• /me reaches his right arm towards the radio that once again has been nudged by her pillow 3 nights out of five.
• Gary the retard is actually really upset they changed his name. To a celebrity, you work ever Co sider it. It’s a bug
• Drifted. When I’m famous, my skills can outweigh my idiot side.
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• Gotta tell them about the safe under the table we use for coke.
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• Bam
• I can not make statements to how much of orange Jeff’s story is true and which parts are rewritten for the benefit of science and good story telling.
• …fuck I knew I was going to lose it on the way up the stairs to make a bill a law
• One of the Dis.. Advantages of add is that
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• Bam
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• And an unspoken word for how differ creative writing submissions.
• However the bible we identify the one Bible with a capital b
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• Let me tell the story of my March 2016 drug binge into a user created universe. What could go wrong if I am… Well, if I am me. I have slid into the odd jobs income guy you used to know who helps out at some garage, but drives a new Mercedes with new wheels ever 1st
• 648. No cops, yet saga in.
• Ttp ones that hear the end, and start moving. They show a confidence.
• Just a flash to laugh in. To break up the shoe even more, several segments were rapid fie. You’re smile, ING at the punchline before you realize it was a joke, and you delay the reaction more because it has to be Ax invite as possible.
• I can’t write a book in the middle of a stream, but that was fun.
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• Fuck. Cops may actually be here. There are do many things I can now see as signs. The best way to end a meth addition is to get in shit. My he’ll is letting everyone down with things not. Stop.
• Cam you imagine if the bible were an I cyclopedia
• I enjoy the sensation of thought. I enjoy the way a body feels in the moment of pleasure that accompanies each positive memory. When things go right, a positive mood passes it forward.
• It’s just what my brain did.
• O am embarking on an adventure for which I am content with loss
• The one difference second life has that works against it, is lag and unequal display
• I think a second life fame may be about the right size.
• What helped me get through life depression before I knew about attention deficit disorders
• Best in class
• Stores on yonge street may buy real estate.
• Now wih Two locations. One in this Universe and one in the one inside this universe. If you were on LSD right now, you,ight start seeing some cool inginite loops. If you didn’t, you may now.
• I have been playing a game …. I really am too tired for this. The weekend was joyous and memotrable, but only when you turn your memories into a story.
• I believe that idea should be worth a cash buyout just fior the idea and a phone call. I would love if we paid people to make things for us rather than make things for everybody ad make us adapt.
• Anime? Not in my universe. Everything I know about Anime, I learned from Robot chicken.
• I wanted to make sure the genarl impression was that I love yhat version of myself, and I confessed it openly to a few peole… and now I ythink. Why? No? Realy? Oh no, That’s Orange Jeff. He is a chafcter we are building over time, like your D&Dcharacter. Not in my Universe.
• LOst it. Going to try to fake out a sleep and miss the knocking at the door I alwys expect and never hear.
• I really want to start with; so here’s the deal… but I am now at the age where I can no longer keep up with the new geneartion of music and acting. I did a good job till the last few. I knew who most of the Celebrity musicians… no. I have not for a long tikem. Final update: I never remembered band names or people’s names.
• Do Pros and Cons Matter?
• I experienced a higher than normal high thus Sunday. Shut eating some
• High levels of paranoia.
• Stoner based progaramming per drug
• Dreams video blog or podcast
• I did something drastic this weekend. I made a bad forward move that fiorces action.
• My car was gone.
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• When history is seen happeneing, we assume it’s recorded or filmed live, and saved somewhere for record nd future.In the early days, nobody thought sving a TV sho would be usless. No consideration was give athat it could ever air twice. Sadly many great shows ere lost and recorded over with Jeopardy.
• Because I’m obcessive, and like openings that allow me to not start a conversation. You know, if you think about it, tha has been true since the first two men decided they could share.
• The conversation was sparked by a comment he made, something like, boy.. this generation sure has seen a lot more than any previous one.
• One of the top 10 favourite stories I tell of my Dad, is having a second conversation about the same thing. It’s cheat, but you may think you’ll know his answer the second time aroun, but
• All it takes to change the world, is to change the storie.
• So… this stranger. How could it work if forced? A to do list discussed daily and tasks asigned.
• The most obvious answer is that this woman is fake, so at some point I will lose because they know the next steps. I jst know it’s a game.
• I just let it rip. THis woman could steal me, or my identity.
• I woman walked by in tight jeans and nice hair. I felt a movement. An adjustment, like slow silly puty on a slanted table. A women made me react. It stil doesn’t happen much. I pretty much need to be touching it full for a while before it goes hard. I often doesn’t make it that far.
• SCary freeze.
• I jad once again, said yes to please, and then collapsed under the respnsabilities. I say face up across a picnic table and called my friend tocome help.
• I remember my firstie. I had just gotten a cookies and cream cookie at the vendor in the corner in the CNE QUeen Elizabeth buiklding. It was the last of theold Exebition buldings to be renovated, and the last one without AC. It was summr. Hot.
• I never really had the same reaction to girls that other school kids my age. I didn’t watch porn, or have any feelings at all towards the SEARS catalogue or Vogue. More skin didn’t effect me. I liked girls faces more than guys. It gave me a better feeling making the girsl laugh.
• FIRSTIES. The Origin Story Book. Christinity
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• Free toothbrudh
• Glowing nuclear
• 2963. I was born. I really don’t remember a lot about tooth brushes that far back, but know the late 60s and early 70s was a different time in the world of grocery shopping. More companies but less variety.
• One of life’s pleasures of getting older is watching the evolution of some things. For me, I have enjoyed the 50 year growth of the toothbrush and toothpaste industry. It’s is indeed a journey worthy of study.
• Fascinating following
• ROSEWOOD.
• A man says something and the other guys says; Can you try that again using different words.
• I hard somebody on TV use a Jeffism. A phrase previously thought, unique to me. Pride points.
• Jeffisms
• I may cry.
• I just know right now I may hate it. I may cancel. I may…
• I need Wednesday adventures, and Thursday adventures.
• I’m not submissive. In my life right now I make all the decisions. I say no, except Saturdays. My one human day.
• I need the person who can ask three times.
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• drugs start different conversations
• Watches and phones start cinvsrsatipbs
• T Shirt with one word… Ask
• Conversation srarters
• Role play improve scenes
• Not about Walmart Trueman’s show, although that is a usable premises.
• More 2 to 6 person free scriprs
•  New friend idea. Writing partner.
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• Santa gives them better stuff
• Unless it is a secret laugh at ignorance excuse. Ignorance is a miracle
• I just hope you didn’t see me observing
• I explainable to any sane man without experience.
• 4 years to plan out hatred
• Smart people get the joke. Trump could win… But really we just need you to not kill when they win.
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• My pride is now shame
• Especially on really strong acid the week after hottiblr personal stories
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• Trump supporters are anybody but her… Really?
• Will America survive a trump loss?
• Where nobody would normally not be recording to to YouTube
• Written as a smart Canadian with just cbc comedy education.
• Could a genius blog’s recognition could break me
• Truth… Will I be happy with the fame of a false persona.
• Momentary deep flashback. Being deep is more fun shared, not defence.
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• It was a tool to show ignorance, and by accident it made its own movement.
• At some point though, the smart people get worried. We don’t want that win.
• When our leaders are clearly intentional losers, masterminded to be loved by really stupid people in public, and it’s not changing anything. Ignorant Trump supporters is an honour.
• Scary times
• What do u know.
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• Understanding is a helpful, but in practice, obstacle.
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• And the winners smile.
• But divided, he knows we can fall. Like on CBS Survivor, the episode where somebody says they have the power, is usually edited to their blindside
• It’s just so oooooooh hard to ignore this guy. He’s making me takes sides. Against Trump.
• I am creative person. In my head, in my town, I have pride.
• STFU already
• Don’t blame the cloud.
• Nobody knows but me, unless I share. Wtf? Why are you even able to see this?
• Acid was supposed to be the tool… OMG listen to the words I’m typing. O was counting on an acid trip to make things right? My Monday starts with a high Sunday. How did I see this ending well?
• Where will I vent my every thought to now?
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• Do I make myself strong, to cut down the trees and hunt or dinnrt
• Do I make myself smart, and gain fame in correcting people
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• Big thought
• I over shared again
• Fuck
• There was a TV show a few years back called thank God you’ve arrived, or similar. Celebrities were told to open a door on stage, somebody would yell, thank God you’re here and a story you know nothing about unfolds. You react.
• Side idea. Make each one, end with a choice. Like old western game on c64, or my favourite, star commander.
• Like Sliders meets the Trueman’s show. Totally in character storirs
• Ad boxes for private realities.
•  

• Mitsos101MullockTo doFind a partner. , maybe Jackie and Adam.Then hot boxApproach t fury or… No… Convention lady I’m so fond of.Any brand that values loyalty should be represented in the next stage of evolution. Literally the second life. Go read snow crash.Virtue often in my life, my negative thinking and low self esteem has made me say no to many of my ideas before I could pursue them for their. Recently, I have been living my off work hours in an alternate universe within the computer the tries its very best to mimic real life including a commerce system that people make real world salaries with.I have found it amazingly easy to adjust to a reality that I see in front of me only. I have made friends that I would not have met in real life. We’ve hung out, done some drugs, and then explored the world. I have been to nude beaches, Rhoda gondola inside a volcano, hang gliding in the Grand Canyon, seen a show in Vegas, and played several hilariously fun rounds of cards against humanity.I am reminded of the Red Dwarf episode entitled better than life. They put on headset and didn’t want to take them off because the virtual life was so much better than their outside life. Second Life is several years away from feeling like a holodeck, but on weed it’s easy to fall into its reality. The emotions and joy of spending time with a gorgeous woman doing things you never do in real life, like sky dive, bungee jump, hang gliding. And always under a blue sky.I’ve gone on long role playing sessions with complete strangers and treated them as a friend or partner. Of dance the night away in clubs playing seventies music and rave techno house. I love the couples dancesTook 1 and two Tesla at 11pm while still high on acid and weed.Sim It is the place to go on drugs.They will Katerina to your personal high with adventures or condisionI can just male people smileIf you have enough money, or made enough money to pay the rent and food you could live in Second Life 24/7. If you could money to pay the rent and for food you could exist in second place. If that’s too deep, at least you can exist there when your highHigh voice gamesDial an escort, stoner specialtiesMushroom hookersPinball and video gamesApproach roach cafeEye companiesReal cokeRadio stagionsReal stand up comedians, yuk yuksMore games would help sell rw games and game nights.Sell tags. I love weed. I love acjd    Hosts and hostesses.Merge with real vapur lounge. On big screens, people can use their tablets in one room because the big screen shows everyone.KslidasvopedStoner datiungholodek / suiteshigh there, stoner dating service.free after approval ad boards, but only for things you might enjoy, baked.Video      June Sherman 205Feet login.  We click.From thus point on, he is a script. Well crafted ad written to are me fall in love E, then laugh at me, humiliate me and my E on.Or, a really cool girl.It’s so hard to know, so I pick or and look for clues. They all point to scripted scam.Tonight’s drama was a twist threw in, and we’ll acted distraction drama and correction. I’d applaud if it wasn’t offensive.End 217180The happy is over. It stayed an extra few days, and my shroomwBer or roickspesen or whatever it’s called is over. My mid life crisis experiment must end. I’ve just been having a little trouble with that.Tonight I had my first fight with a girlfriend I didn’t know existed.I Checked all the boxes for how I disappointed her by thinking it was all about the money. I am an easy mark, admittedly high, and assuming the worst.I found the ideal woman, so I assume it a play. This doesn’t happen for real. I’m a cool storyteller, but I was high on an experimental weekend like the Vegas flick. Acid and more.So I’m off guard, ignorant and proved loose with my money. I am a perfect mark, and lollipop is pissed because another spammer got me first, took some money, and started me to trust less.This girl could be real, which is certainly possible, but I’m not.She could also be setting up a con. It is a play. A script, just like my scan from new years Eve.Tis weekend will be told as a positive, but I’m not sure how till Saturday.Happen to meChange the u overs I live in to force me to react.Rona at Sheppard East and Willowdale keys for the Subaru x123 ds25#dtoryeorthyBiz ideaSell real world quality web hosting in lindonsPut together a team. Small business in Second Life. Web Hosting in the real world could actually be something that you sell in the virtual world many of these people need web pages for their stores and their products and their clubs and their groups and their parties and their used items that concierge web hosting might be something now they’re already strapped for cash says the negative side of my brain. It’s happening again the changing from priority 1 to priority 2 what has made a big break up in every partnership and friendship I’ve had since I remember. When best friends evolve, and one starts dating. It’s happened in my life from both sides in an almost ironically opposite way back to back. I had done to me what I did to her. Then coincidentally and that seems to be what I have just done to my current number one friend I have said without saying you are now number 2 I did not return your texts over the last few days because I was with number 1 that’d be a crushing blow I remember when it happened to me with my best friend, & I remember the words I’ll pencil that in when we were making a lunch date his girlfriend was now number one I didn’t really speak to him ever again after that I reacted badly when I did it to my first platonic girl best friend roommate got switched to number 2 and never talk to me again that 5 or 6 years we’re buddies down and then I get it to know tonight she did it he didn’t do it anyway it bounced back and forth. I also didn’t call my good platonic female friend in Calgary on her birthdayLulu and PearlList
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• It’s so hard to know. Either an absolutely perfect 20 something hot babe with nice big beasts shows interest in me. She is a shy escort that takes a polite attitude of positive vibes to me.
• My spontaneously appearing hot girlfriend may be a scam.
• Sparkslive
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• Dana Kelly 305
• Anyway – at 10am, I got a message and woke up – totally shocked I was dreaming.
• We then unpack and continue setting up the store. I rush to start writing down my dream, but still can’t open my eyes.  I tell Phil about the dream, and we discuss which is the dream.  Maybe I was dreaming now.  I disagree, and continue doing all the normal things I do at work (none of which were actually normal) with my eyes closed.
• We’d been having a serious discussion about whether Peter or I were better managers and I agreed I was a terrible one, blaming my A.D.D for at least part of it.  Chester was really angry with me, because he thought he should have been manager. We let him sit in the front.
• I had one of the neatest experiences in a dream. I had been working back at Comspec again, and one day Jeff Forsyth took me out in his VW Rabbit to pick up Chester. We took along Phil too.  Anyway, we’re driving and talking and having fun. When we get to Chester’s place I realize that is 4 to fit in his little car, withg a whole lot of stuff, so we have to repack stuff in the back. It’s very very sunny outside so I close my eyes for a bit, trying to adjust to the sunlight. Every time I open them, even a little bit. I am laying in bed… which makes no sense at all. So now I’m trying to pack up the car with my eyes closed, not doing very well. I’m confused by this, but I drive the rest of the way to the store with my eyes closed.
• Cool Dream
• Feb 11
• Greenwood home. Ca Com improvement
• Joel
• January 24. 6 hits of good acid at 1022am.
• Acid high.
• In RL I can not be a stoner. In SL its better than life
• drug making seminars and tools
• gfe for 2 hours.
• stoner blind dating.
• Varnaval
• Shows
• Greet new users and offer personal tours and assistance, polite and patient.
• It’s do massive and complex, a lot of people give up.
• Second Life
• I traveled 2000 years into the future and visited germany.
• 12 Hor Dream
• Stoner ts
• Sell sl games for rl margins. Exclusivity builds traffic better than anything.
• That one excited me.
• Rock bands could throw real concerts with a sl copy.
• Real Pepsi
• I just paid 250 for a pair of glasses, and I might have paid for an eye test
• Approach sponsored in the real world, having a presence in sl
• Approach t fury
• Weed and everything else hookers
• Acid hookers
• Hire a hippy. Throw a stoner party with an old stoner stirytellef
• High date g
• Espace
• I can be 27 again
• Beautiful humans will guide you and came for you for 2 hours
• Whole situation
• Re rate estate I and vampire lounge in same caenval
• Greenwood.
• Slittle
• If I die, know it wasn’t on purpose.
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• Beyond my scope, there is a big enough upside. Can you imagine a real Starbucks on your street or Sim?
• Then Vapour Lounge on yonge
• Approach different strokes
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• Night light
• Pantene
• Water
• Long hdmi
•  My adventures in WonderlandI’m going to tell you of a true story, but it may be hard to believe. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, or Alice in Wonderland, readers assume them to be fiction, because they describe such outrageous adventures with talking cats and brainless straw scarecrows.  My adventures from the past week are similarly outrageous. I visited a foreign land, not quite of this world, and had a great time. Now that I am back, waking up in my bed on a Monday morning, I have to re-evaluate how the experience has changed my life forever – or should I choose to ignore it and consider it was all a dream.On a Thursday, about half way through the day, I happened upon a thought – and was inspired to drink a potion, and venture down a virtual rabbit hole. I opened up my computer, and installed some software I had not used for a very long time. I was reminded of Wonko the Sane, from the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy. IN that story, Wonk discovered an entire universe different from his own, if he exited his house through the Window and not the door. This reference is too obscure for most of you to relate to, so I chose the Alice in Wonderland story to better use as an analogy.I quite literally entered a separate universe. I loaded Second Life. Second life is both easy and difficult to explain, and understand and exist in. It is the closest thing to a real and separate universe as I am likely to experience in my lifetime.  It is a world inside the computer, where other humans live, and work, and play. The universe is self creating, and almost anything is possible.In the past, I had tried to enjoy myself here, and given up quickly. The fears and phobias in my personality came through with me, and my difficulty in socializing with new people I don’t know was as difficult in real life as it was in virtual life.This time however, I was under the influence of my magical potion, and it gave me a new superpower in this world. I was able to focus, and feel somewhat confident. I was excited by everything, and my brain can stay focused on things that excite it.I wandered around exploring for a while, and tried to have fun. The people I encountered were all more experienced than I was, and some were cold or rude, or from a foreign land.  I didn’t get far.While wandering around, I happed to spot a new face. Instead of some elaborate gown or stereotypical stripper costume, she was wearing a tank top and shorts, and had her hair done up very casually.  Her movements seemed sexy, and above her head were the words “VOICE ESCORT”, which meant interaction with her would include her real human voice, not just text written words. Not everyone in second life talks.I walked up to her and said hi.  It was instantly noticeable that she was warmer and kinder than any others I’d attempted to communicate with. I understand that escorts in Second Life make their income by being nice to the men they encounter. Just like the dancers in a real world strip club, there are women that make you feel good right away, and those you don’t click with.  This woman had a magical way about her typing words, and her voice that made me feel really special.I must admit here that I am an awkward guy in social situations like this, but that awkwardness was magnified by the potion I had taken before entering. Although it had the power to make me entertained by this world, it also made learning it a little more difficult. I arranged for a half hour special time with my escort, and almost all of that went by so quickly, as we joked and talked and discussed the world.Instead of just getting naked and going into a private room, we talked about me. It felt god. It felt great.  She had a special laugh that broadened the smile on my face each time I heard it. She had the power to not seem irritated or frustrated when I would fail – at almost everything. I had a hard time mastering walking around, picking up items and trying to be a smooth cool dude.I was hooked. A cute girl liked me enough to spend time with me, laugh WITH me, and help me. I was happy to pay for that dream come true.That first evening, we spent a lot of time together. I stayed up all night, from about midnight to — well, on and off I spent the next three days in Wonderland. We went shopping almost right away. In order to be a success in a fake universe, you have to look sharp, and the body I was in was 9 years old and very clearly a “newbie” look. People could spot across the room I wasn’t experienced.We bought me a whole new suit, from top to bottom. Then we bought me a new body. The free naked skins were quite crap, but once you paid some money, you could actually look quite slick.  I was quite proud of my new avatar’s look. It certainly wasn’t me, and that helped with the fantasy. In this universe, I am a handsome dude.Then, I spent some more money buying a penis. In second life, this is quite important. There are free penises available, but even I had to laugh at them. On a nude beach later that night I saw a few guys with free penises. I was happy to spend a few more Linden dollars on a nice one.  My gal helped me pick a nice one out, and how to use it. That instruction took way to long, and I’m still not a master, but under my influence, my awkwardness was strong – but at the same time, it didn’t stop me. I didn’t quit and run away. I was so lucky that she never once showed frustration, disappointment or impatience.Once attached, and sized down from a magnum mega cock, I was ready to have sex.I confessed to her my inexperience pretty quickly. Had I not said anything, I am sure she would have figured it out. I was awful at sex, not just at first, but even after trying it multiple times. We banged all over second life, in trucks, beds, hotels and beaches. It never really gave me the sensation of real sex because I wasn’t mimicking the actions played on screen down to my real body. I wasn’t hard.Virtual sex or phone sex wasn’t working for me fully, because I don’t have ,memories of real sex to work from. I am not active sexually in my real universe, so I kind of failed at it in this virtual world, but her breasts were magnificent, and her voice was soft and her words were kind. Ideal. I was not made to feel bad, and one can only imagine how easy it is for an escort to lose patience with a guy who is horrible at sex.She was different. I still enjoyed my time with her, but didn’t cum.  Not fior a lack of trying.So we became best friends fast, like all my other relationships with women. We tried to date, and explored Second life.  We went to Egypt, A circus, a beach.I spend 4 pretty spectacular days always slightly altered and enjoyed most of it. Towards then end, as my magical elixir was wearing off, and the self doubt was returning, my fear began to return, and my logical thinking mind was starting to complain to me.  What is this? I can’t live my social life with a pretend girlfriend in a pretend universe – can I?  I can’t get her out of my head, but without the drug – I can’t help but feel this is not good. It can’t continue. Can I bring this magical women into my real life and talk to her every day like a real world friend?  Can I return to Wonderland at night and keep practicing sex till I get it right?I have to mentally battle wither this a way to practice social behavior in a virtual world to better myself in a real one?  I know others do. They exist in Second Life each day and night and live dual lives happily.  It’s a strange concept to wrap my head around.I think maybe I have to think of this whole adventure like a teenager thinks of his Spring Break in Datona Beach. A drunken beach girlfriend you have deep emotional feelings for, and then you get back on your plane and never speak of again, but your first time will stay in your head as a memory, and the fact that it was virtual and 3D doesn’t matter to the dream. At least I know I didn’t get her pregnant.That doesn’t seem fair to her, especially since I acted a bit like a rich playboy and paid her reasonably well during my captivated time together.I am torn and confused.  I need some time off to see how much she is in my thoughts, and whether I could try a Second Life time without the potions.Monday at 10:30am, it’s stressing me. Today won’t be a productive work day.Writings of Nov 19thEvery few years, I decide to give live chat rooms a try… again. I am well aware that some people have chosen chat rooms as their social life. I personally “hang out” on Facebook, where I occasionally share fun or funny, but chat rooms are an even closer family.In real life outside the computer, I have a hard time meeting new people, or partners. I have some built in phobioas and quirks to my personality, and I’ve never been a “party” person. I am a charming and likeable guy, as long as you speak first.I have a very hard time getting into an existing conversation, or start a fresh one.Because of this, I have ban equally hard time mingling in a chat room.For tonight’s venture into this world, I have chosen to install and register PalTalk. It has a very easy to understand group of hundreds or rooms in various topics.There were no Toronto specific rooms, and it took me quite some time to find a room with 5+ people on webcam actually talking as much as typing. I found two I think I’ll try to linger and look for the right moment. I love conversation, and I love to punchline things and make people smile or laugh.You would think it’s perfect for me, if I was just a bit more confident to be out in public where my perfection can be called into qiuestion. I fear rejection so much, I can’t even start.The first thing I noticed about the people of the chat rooms. They are entertaining just to listen to them talk. Each room has a mix of conservatives and liberals and stupid people… which some people think is the same thing as conservatives.The opinions that come out are from all levels of the world. We see flag lovers, God lovers, gun lovers and weed lovers.A lot of weed people. For many, this may be the only place they can openly be high.Again, it could be made for me. I could be perfect. I react well to people, and I am guenuinley fascinted by people. A video chat rom is like sitting in the corner at somebody else’s party. A spot I found myself in at almost every one of the few parties I ever attended.I used to dream of the beer commercial life. People standing at a bar talking to people.I don’t do that. I can’t do tat.The active rooms can still be dead. These people are all night, every night chatroom staples. They do other stuff, and leave the chat to background. Sometimes minutes go between voiice interaction.The room I am in tonight is an Ontario room with a few Canadians and Americans. They talk. It’s fascinating… sometimes.But like any room full of mostly stoners, the conversations don’t really flow. They’re scattered. When an actual conversation starts, it often changes away quickly to something less entertaining.But I’m sticking in. As I type this blog, and check Facebook and twitter now and then, I am entertained without TV. In fact, my PVR has been in pause mode for a few hours.Ive contributed, but with more paranoia than confidence. Many of my comments were ignored. no reations at all.To me, not fitting in means I run away.Then, at 8:30 pm, the room went silent, and I started a chain reaction.I spoke out, and requested a conversation. I’m trying to pull teeth to get people talking.Its horrid saying something good, and showing who i am, and then not even crickets.It’s 9:49 now and a few bong hits later. I’ve actually particpated in several exchanges on voice. I got a few smiles, but a lot of silence. That was hard. I was quite stoned — in public. A big step for me.It was hard to leave.I don’t think I could handle it without being stoned.LETTER TO JAYWANT TO DO A SHOW?be 1234 not 5678. Survivor strategyMy whole TV vioewing preferences as changed because of drugs.Pausenblog: Supergirl. This episode they’re throwing it around like it’s free but I suspect this is a great way to get him out of outr system. Thre satory;line stresses with verbal emp[hasis, this is her story. OH NO!  I was so sad Superman had to come. —   I might be able to sell blogs if editedI need to make sure a chan ge comes out of my recent breakdown, to validate it ha a spuirpose. Pluto TVI’m watching the News 24/7 channel on Pluto TV! Check it out! http://pluto.tv/watch/news-24-7 via @PlutoTVstories tourShare, Jesus and Second Life        Nice night. Acid didn’t kick in. Nice walk.Everyone happy and smiling, many on costume.Thought about massage or sex or touch a lotI started late after a full Saturday adventures session of over 6000 strpsByjn2036301My Halloween rave 2015 Craig’s List ad(current fiction)I am a polite, we’ll spoken single guy seeking a female companion to a Halloween costume rave. Finding a match might be hard, as I’m over 50. Not prime rave demographic.But still, I want to take a candyflip cocktail and rave like it’s 1999I’m willing to pay for everything and only request you pay attention to me interactive for a song or two once every hour or so. All other time you are free to get high and party any way you see fit.Orange Shirt Blog: ThursdayFor the past two years, I have set aside time to think. I have been writing a journal since I was 16 at least, if not before. I have memories of writing in cursive on paper without lkines, as I was hurt by somebody or Frustrated at failure. You may have heard of it by the older name, diary. I didn’t really have a friend I shred myself with truely. Writing was always a release. If I put the memory down on paper, maybe I can forget about it, knowing it’s stored off site somewhere.I have a chest I only ever add to, but never open. It’s like a time capsule of the best memories of my life, and a slot to add more. I fantasize over opening it and sharing the stories with a new best friend… or spouce.freeze. Brain literally yells inside my head to stop. I stop. I retread and refocus. What was this blog supposed to be about?End of part 1Millennial FearsI’m in a weird limbo, and I want to write about what I’m feeling, but I’m also of the belief that private ,arterial in today’s world has a way of being made public, or at the very least, scanned by outside forces, for good and / or evil.I want so much to confess my sins in a private journal, but I know this file is shared across the cloud, and even if never seen by anyone, it’s still on my computers, and police would see it without effort in the first search.It could even be found by thieves or people on the bus if I lose my phone. I am a fan of technological conveineces. I am a known lazy person, and used to invent ways to turn off my room light from bed.I love the cloud, and instant b on tablets, and sharing between phone, desktop, laptop and tablets.I guess I just have to understand the risk, and decide to do it anyway. To know it’s stupid and could change my entire life in a moment – or not. I could live in fear, or push it down deep and keep smiling.I always choose the smile. My mental basement has so many bad thoughts, I try to never go down there. Sometimes, just to retrieve a single memory… but I run back up the stairs.Tonight is one of those stories. A memory, and a reaction to a particularly stupid move in my life. A mistake, that could cause my entire life to change overnight, with no warning – except my obcessive negative pre-obcessive thoughts about it.I recently made a choice, and followed through to break the law, but in a way with a larger tha usual risk, and a penalty with the potential of life inprtisson, or at least a very very long time/Now the reader may understand why I was hesitant to put this to a permanent record. If caught, I am doomed either way. I took less precautions than an idiot bank robber without a plan, and we make fun of them all the time on the TV and in movies. There is even a TV show or three about the dumbest criminals.While my story isn’t as humorous to make a story for TV, it in many ways is equally stupid. The moment I did it, I regretted it… but I hesitated and debated with my brain just long enough to not be able to stop the ball rolling. It’s too late.The question now is, will I get caught, or will I get away with it, and how will that make me feel. I should say that nobody was hurt, or even suffered loss. It is a personal crime of my own… Breaking a law with a huge penalty.I can scenario only the best of the worst case scenarios, and it’s still bad. TV story lines of me getting away with a warning are not going to be available I’m sure. If I am caught, I’m in trouble, and will more then likely see a jail cell.This is a mind boggling place to be. I’m not a bad person. I follow the rules. I stop at Red lights and use my turn signals.I’ve never even been to the principles office, except to get back the book of the script of Monty Python’s Hold Grail I lent the principle.I made a bad choice, in an effort to please others. The police will call it trafficing… or at least intent to do so.There is evidence everywhere. I have not taken precautions to hide it, although the story should tell it was only to two personal friends… but I suspect the law is more absolute.There is of course a chance that I will not get caught, and I am able to cling to that fantasy during the day, and get my work done. I have no guess at the odds, although I know others have done what I’ve done and gotten away with it. Presumably a majority, in order for this to even be a thing.I hate buying drugs. It scares the shit out of me,. This is why, inside my head, I know what a b huge relief it is for my two friends to not have to worry. I buy enough for the three of us, and I get the smiles. I’ve never marked up, and in fact, usually deliver at a loss, but I live for the smiles.The problem started when I had found a great dealer, and a good product and had a good multi week binge. Everyone love them.Then,… unexpectedly because of optomsim, the reality of the drug trade smashed through the dream, and it was not y a regular thing. The supply stopped… And now I’m not the recipient of smiles, but the bringer of bad news. Our arrangement was shot klived… Every man for himself… as before.I waited weeks and could not find.So then it haoppened. I’d like to be able to say I was high when I made the decsion, but the guilt of that lie would infect me, in much the same way this decision has. It’s been yelling silently in my head about how stupid it was.I decide to make a new connection, and recieve the drugs via regular postal mail, but from overseas. A decision I had previously held strong on. A line I was not willing to crioss.I am a fan of a Canadian TV show about the border crossings in Canada. It is a well produced look at the reality of our borders, and how people try to smuggle. I see drug ???? on every episode, and frequency the detail the postal workers put into their job to detect and catch drug shipments.Now, ordering drugs from a foreign land is bad, but to make this matter worse, the only product I was able to order, to please my cravings and my two friends, was in quantity. A quantity that can not be described as personal use.The truth is, I might have bought it for personal use… really. I hate buying so much, and freak out so much, that the idea of getting them for half price and keeping them fresh for years was very appealing.Any search through my message exchanges shows 2 others I was planning on sharing with, and not telling them of my quantity, but always being there to deliver smiles when they asked… and no more of this “out of stock” stuff.Anyone who has ever bought drugs has probably experienced the agony of your guy not being reliable or regular. All stoner s have fantasized of a good deal;er. I am told, through stories that some people do. Reliable dealers exist… just not in my circles, or my two friends.I can’t explain why I did it, although in hions-site I do see it as a form of sabotach. I’ve been in therapy for two years and been happy much of the time, but my basement cold cellar of misery is there, and I’m disappointed I still can’t figure out a way to progress… to move even a bit cookware in life.T try… anything, rather than reacat.Some people cut, and say they needed to feel. I do nothing and dream of a fairy godmother to help me do something. I need to make my world change, for me to react. Going to jail would be a change. Some part of me has already started to rationalize and see the bright lining if that is my fate.The biggest part will actually be to crush my reputation. To go to jail for drug dealer will come as a shock to all those I’ve hidden from, and my clients who will probably be surprised and disspointed.I can imagine the lack of smiles in my head.Then, to have my conviction be based on how stupid and open and public I was at the crime, I will lose respect from the others as well.Lose Lose.I’ve tried so long and hard to be seen as a respectable human. I want to be somebody who can make you smile, not be frowned on.This will possibly crush my spiort, especially if they take me off my happy meds.However – I got used to having no teeth, and a broken collarbone… I adapt, and jail may actually be a good discipline for me. It will certainly be a while new opportunity to learn and study human behaviour, and I would hope – write.I’ve been pretty good at not being beaten up, although I have also been told I’m annoying enough to want to punch, so maybe hanging out with a crowd with less personal restraint will help me change.Another week has opassed.The mail comes, and is empty. I would be happy to have it never arrive, and lose my money, but that is still two weeks away. I have no idea how long to wait, or when the door will be knocked on.I even have N O idea what happened to it, if it does arrive. I could be under cervalance. I could be on a list. I could think I made it, and then I get picked up when I share it… or when I take it, or 4 months later when I’m high at a club.Or the next time I order? Do I stop forever.Mind blwown.But… I am still able to fall asleep singing 70’s commercial jungles.Put this idea in the basement for now, and turn out the light.If this is the last page of the book, you’ll know how it ended.End of Part 1.Hockey city advantagesOne of the advantages of living in an area that is hockey friendly, is that the public thinks nothing of you walking around with a hockey duffle bag. Instead of don’t play hockey, this might be suspicious.What is Las Vegas-style SteakhouseKodiKodiak FPride worthy Pride is not a sin. Handled well, it can be a driving force. I am proud of who I am. I am now share worthy.
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• I am looking g forward to my bed
• Weather was amaxing
• I didn’t talk to anyone.
• Edit. 1am on bus home
• The only sad part is that I do it alone. I have not found a way to find a trip buddy. It’s hard for me.
• I don’t expect any health issues tonight, but you never know. If I am found dead, know that I enjoy my life and it wasn’t on purpose. This was a Halloween trip of fun, not depression.
• Didn’t wait long. Dropped the molly while being watched at only 835. It acts faster and will effect me in 40 minutes ir so and soften the blow if the acid.
• Dropped 3 hits at 826 on subway. Swishing around on water. Will swallow soon and try to drop two molly without being too conspicuous soon.
• Halloween Friday
• Fail.
• Winter with Android Wear
• The stories speaking tour in sl
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•  I have a hard time in life changing, or doing new thingsa woithout being pushed
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• iF cORTANNA AND googl;e are both listening to my tv, they coulpd pop up web pagaes wqhile I watchg, like imdb and the commercials.
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• I was reminded of my high schoool English lessons while watching this show. I remember learning about the thesaurus, and how it could be used to chanbge the woords we need to use over and over again when tel;ling a story. Whenever I watch Supergirl, I couciously notice everytime they reference Superman by name. In the pilkot episode, it seemed like they were afraid to use it. He was always referred to by some descritive, like the guy inb blue, or my friend. It almost felt like Superman was a coipyright character, and somebody got a cheque everyt time they used the actual name. It reminded me of the Superbowl  and how everyone starts calling it The Big Game for the months leading up t it.
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• 647 633 8996Ashley Madison crushes online dating. You tube resumes.Free to be me online campaign   like watching a cartoon on a channel out of tune. kids have no idea what that means.the Last Day<>;/ of you may have your own story, about your last day. Some of you may have had a last day ofZeppelin. I don’t b want to think of last days that way right now. It was a good story idea, but too negative for my current mood.I was going to start about this.It’s been a busy time inside my mind this week. I went on a 4 day vacation with two overnights with my lady friend. I have mixed emotions and justifications on that topic. The trip wasn’t stressful at all, as we get along great, but I do wish I had had a conversation at least once on a 6 hour drive that I want to.When I allocate time to thnk, I am starting to need to make choices and perhaps try something forward in momentum. My life found a comfortable position in support from an early age. If I am t believe at least one famous dude, a majority of who we are as people through our lives, is programmed from age 1 to 5. That is the personality skeleton that grows when it interacts with reality.I found I liked making people smile, and avoiding making them frown. I was as happy with the reward of a smile as a trained show dog is with a tennis ball after jumping through 6 flaming hoops.Smiles change me. I feel them. It has become my greatest joy, to be likable, and make people smile… or better yet, laugh. (see rLOL)Whoops. I probably should not have spoken a big hit of weed at 12:30 on a work day.—ll probably be back,. I hope I don;’ t get scared or runic to actual danger.There is great potential with a secret I didn’t tell anyvbiody.I tried meth this eekend. First time ever, and with no supervision of training beyond a video.I probably did more than I should have over 3 daysm, despite being so proud that I was not that kind of guy, and I just wanted to try it once. The ads say not even once, but my mind says, I have to know.The holy grail for me is a drug that would let me take a step.If I am found dead tonigtm, it was no t on puropose. I have insurance with rbcI’m sorry.walk break.real dumbI’m a little betterI hate those if I die moments. It’s a very real possibility in risky cases where I’ve done something stupid. Ironically I am the happiest I have ever been, and looking to start doing something. So far I am in the think stage, but I have recently started sharing ideas with others and scouting for a suitable way to get one of my project ideas started.Exampkle:A mis between Dragons Den/ Shark Tank and Kickstarter. Two separate versions of the same idea.You sell your pitch ideas.people create a pitch for an ideas for a web based company. It can be anything that stands out as soriginal. Then, workers are teamed together to create that web company for them on their dime.Darn. A Zeppelin distracted me and I lost my mojo right in the middle of my pitch for my pick company. It suddenly sounds like a stupid idea to me… but I think it would be neat to create a way to use teams of experts to set up companuies. Everyone is free to quote whatever prices they want, and make deals as needed.Then, you can have a companion reality TV show caled; E Should DO A Show About THAT…. where people pitch insane, but doable scenarios, and pilots are made in one week.Like a home makeover show, for small business ideas, TV shows and Web site companies.   Heart rate is normal, no fever, and I can think. The scare has passed.—   BAMI believe a lot of minds like mine, may have been responsible for many great inventions through time. Many of the ideas I’ve had for the world have made others rich. In time, I learned to look at that as proof of my ability, rather than my failure to do anything.The difference is, they all had an emotional support person. A guide to tell you what to do, as many times as it takes.To many, this is their spouce. In the best cases, compatible couples can live long healthy lives with their emotional support person.Someone who will notice when they’re not there.When you live alone in the world or inside your head, all your thoughts are all pride worthy, but as soon as your monologues turn to dialogues, they can be judged. They can be ridiculed.My age 6 Jeff didn’t learn that one. As a kid with A.D.D decades before it was just a massive irritation to have an active child that can’t focus. I fear the frown, more than I live for the smile.I’ve learned to do things in the least inconvenient way to the world. My style is movie background perfomer. Non description invisible guy.                                                        So that is the ABC preview. Some I’ll look forward to. More news and reviews as I watch them.EDIT: I found out Shark Tank will have guests this year, and Ashton Kitchen is a guest, not a regular shark. Too bad.Choice hotels810138550045Qc to doNexusNexus powerWatchGarbage foodCelebrity drinks pissAnd other storiesI was in a writing mood, and I turned on “the Comment Sevtion” on the E! Network. The show has taken a new twist on the late night half hour show. It occurred to me that many people do not believe it was real urine. And if there are some people that never believe you, then it’s just as well you might as well lie.It’s showing me really amazing commentary  LIfe was saved at midnight automatically, so they had to decide to loop or not before that time every day.They discussed at this round table a lot of options which are now fading from my memory as I write this at 3:30am. For some reason RIker from TRek TNG was there… a random dream zeppelin.I decide to write this, because instead of being it’s own story and/or game – this dream coud be incorporated into my own seupr her time travel story at least in part.  SAVE GAME is a new element. A team of 5 is neat, but if you control who remembers the loop, the hero could recruit any number of opeople he wanted, as long as only he remembers the dfay when it loops.Save Game could also be a beter way to explain how the loop happens automatically, and also no longer require the hero to retrn to the clck each day to resetMy SuperHero, continuedSince I was a kid, I’ve been AA fan of time travel, seeing almost every show and movie and documentary I could, not because I ever really believed it was going to happen in my life time, but because I wanted to write a story.A superhero story, about a teenager that discovers the magical power to receive the same day. Combining components from Bill and Teds, and Groundhog Day, a superhero makes perfect sense. Justine Time or Justin Time are obvious names somebody else probably owns.We see the same 24 hour period twice, each episode. Once as our hero is dressed in his alter ego, a blogger, blogging about the superhero.The second half begins at Midnight in a special old home in the forest. There is a chamber and anything put inside the chamber will reset the day to the previous midnight, and then you can come out of the chamber. There will be two of him there, separate from each other, being the perfect alibi for the Kent version.Normal her walks around looking for accidents and crimes and purse snatchings, and writes them all down or takes a photo along with the time.Then, the hero with the notebook comes back and saves the day, all day.He eventually figures out he can even die, and as long as there is something inside the chamber, it’ll loop forever, so he has a new chance every day to not die.He can take more detailed notes, and leave knives behindIf he us ever caught, he just has to stall till midnight to reset, or be killed.Next time he’ll be prepaired.and in a leotarda cell phone inside the chamber could be used to remind you of anything when you reset outside the chamber with no memories.the ring resets you to midnight start position with memoriessegway?Networks know when you’re high.                   Body Language: The Mouth | BODY LANGUAGE SIGNALShttp://bodylanguagesignals.com/mouth.htmlNothing exists but the story.Nothing exists until somebody tells it’s story.There us an age old question about whether a tree in the woods really fell if nobody was around to hear it. I propose the tree dies not exist at all, until somebody tells it’s story.How can we know there is a tree without seeing it personally, or being told or shown proof that it exists, or existed, or fell.Even if I witness the tree, unless I share that story, the existence of the tree may die with me.Of course thus is a human point if view, but for humans, it is the only point of view. We can argue that the tree may have had a long and eventful life, giving aid to not animals and food to my species, but we can only assume. Once we look for proof, the story of the tree is revealed.Everything in our universe exists only in the story we tell, or the stories were told. Communications between humans creates our world.This is a deep philosophy that takes some imagination to grasp, but it also brings with it, great power. Once you understand the story is all, you can begin to understand that the story supersedes reality. The story is truth.The best story wins.Duck.CougarIf a cougar is s woman attracted to s younger man what do they call a man attracted to a younger woman?              then they could replay them whenever a TV show replays.I am currently watching the Canadian MMVA (Much Music Video Awards) It’s a huge party for the pop demographic in Canada and around the world. It’d some as a live convert in downtown Toronto streets.I’m watching it because I like to feel a part of the pop demographic, despite my age. I still know at least 1/3 of the performers. This year, I know one personally.But mostly because I smoked a teeny bit of weed, and my PVR is empty. All the shows I usually watch ended 2 months ago.I will be fast forwarding most it I suspect.I like live performances on TV. It is great people watching.As I watch the first performer, I remember my point was that twitter hash tags were built for this performance. From the early days of computer chat, you generally found a chat companion or a group, and went online to find a public or private chat room. You got to communicate only with the people in your group, and there were millions, so most were empty.Nobody really stepped up as a clear leader in group chats because if they’re slow to catch on, nobody us there.The bigger the crowd, the more people show up for it.            It makes Event TELEVISION alive again, like the Golden days when people all watched Friends and Seinfeld at the same time.I guess that’s why event sports television has the costly ads. Or the Oscars.–I have the feeling that Howard Stern would have pressed his X if some of these acts had Ben performing before his judges chair. The one I’m watching now is nioncesical absurdity and mismatched themes intentionally. The lead singer is wearing a fright wig and appears to be 9 months pregnant. It was a song I didn’t recognize.June 29 orange shirt blogAs with many of my blogs, I start off with great excuitement, over a positive idea, but something flashy catches my eye, and in the time it takes me to start the tablet, and plug in a keyboard, I have lost it.It’s a problem in the way my brain works. Like everyone, we constantly switch between thoughts. I can’t begin to fully know how much your brain can focus on one thought without diversion, but I believe most people certainly juggle between thoughs, and even tasks all day. We multi-task.That term I first learned when I was selling Amiga computers in the 80’s. It was the first consumer multitasking computer, or so I remember. Of course, computers can often think multiple things, simultaneously today, but the originals still did one task at a time, but they flipped very quickly between the tasks, and knew exactly where to come back to. A to B to A to B in rapid siccession.I remember having it first on DOS with a tremendously fun piece of software that let me run two programs at once in DOS. I was a BBS guy so it helped me do something on a machine that didn’t mean I had rto take the BBS down.In any case, I have created my own example of having a main topic for a blog, but temporarily diverting to a new story, inspired by something you saw or heard or thought, while telling the original.When I typed the first paragraph, I had full intention of writing a blog about something. I forgot it. I started to type about forgetting, and suddenly I am in 1986 selling Amigas again. My great sales job, that I loved and stayed with until it was clear we’d picked the wrong pony and the Amiga was no longer the smart choice. Selling them was torchure, so I quit.It was a great trip down memory lane in my head. A happy time, mostly.The difference in this story is, more than most, I tend to lose my way back to the original thought. I love new memories and new stories and I can hyper focus on a distraction, giving it a full movie budget for the visuals. I am excited by thinking.Then, when the story has been told, and the excitement has either faded on it’s own, or been based by my own negative critic, I am standing in the middle of a mind Forrest where all the trees are the same, and I have no idea which way I came in.I did night leave my mental breadcrumbs, and I have forgotten my way.If there is no context in my view, I try for a brief moment, then give up and go on my way. When I make videos instead of writing, I lose the ability to just scroll up and see what I was talking about. he I’m LIVE, I have no 13 second recap like on my PVR remote… or my spacehip.I like writing as I think, and I’m fairly certain my brain has adapted to think at the speed of my typing, rather than at the speed of thought.-zeppelin-               UNPAUSEStupid people enjoy weed more, because it doesn’t make them feel stupid.VkphvzcrWednesday trip downtown.Took ample A&E and went downtownThis just in. I always seek a tree on green for a sit down in the shade.It just now I used to me that every tree in this Park is covered with 5000 dog pisses. I am sitting on dog toilet.We all are, but the limited green dpace trees just off the roadI dud not go to reasonably nice massage right here. I came close. I’ve been circling the place for over an hourSummer Solsticeidea: my own brain puppeti invented the inside voice today in another entry. its always spoken, and effected my direction, but its nice to have its words included in my blogs. my inner voice is pretty much only on the red side. he is very negative.he crushes my dreams regularly, frequently before i get a chance to turn them into a story.there should be non sex chat rooms that work excacly like the sex lines. work for tips but be talking, or entertaining, more people vwether they are nude or not.im high and could not find a way to have a conversationin offline life, ive never been the one vto speak first.    There is a party two stories above me.it is loud in short spirts, like a clown fish forgetting you just asked him to stopm two minutes ago. I actually keep forgetting its there, until nthe next prank spirt up to 11i am 51. thats old enough to compain about the kids music today.i really only hate that music lyrics to shock, or be evil, are harsh.       Dealer vs grand ballroomWhite on badgesPhotosOne June nightWhen I left up from my ceiling daze to write, I had xciotement on my mind. I had thought of a great idea for a blog, or another way to change the world.When I smoke just the tiniest portion of weed, and I’m alone… I just sit and think. Like most stereotype stoner do, we think big, and of copurse, with the confidence our not stoned selfs would kill for.When you’re alone, you are the smartest, best idea person that has ever lived. You compare your brain to great people, like that guy that invented the telephone.In your sober mind, I don’t get there. I have this odd mix of confidence and low self confidence, battering it out in my brain. When I’m just a little bit high, that side of my brain, that kills the joy of my own ideas, often before I speak, or have the chance to type. The low self esteem side of my b ran is skilled in the art of vdistraction as well as deception. It knows all the tricks and weaknesses. It can crush my inspiration at the first sign of joy.It’s pretty easy for me, because my A.D.D is distracting me all the time, but that’s a topic for a different essay.In this way, I feel happier in my stoned state, because here, I am away from critisim. There is no one saying “but what if…” neither from my peeers, Internet srangers, or that negative side of my own mind.I just write my idea down in a private journal, or blog it public Cally on my site. More recently I’ve taken to filling may hard drive with low lit poor quality videos, mostly created after just a little bit of weed.Possible blog names: teenytoker, onepuff, one hit blog , creativebonghitblogbong blog is too obvious. My mind has Ben distracted from this already distracted topic, and am now thinking, all these will be taken. I don’t even need to bother to loo.You see. That is exactly how it happens. That sentence above is more or less, a quote from that negative side of my brain. Literature has traditionally showed it as that red guy over your shoulder. It is always still my choice to choose the council of the red zeppelin on my right.In a gosub return, I try to continue thge original secondary topic.Through history, man has changed at different rates. Both phsically, mentally, emotionally, and progressivly.There have been times of huge growth and times of limited growth. I have an unusual theory.In my life, I have almost always kept a bed side journal. In much of my early life, I would go to be crying, and write my notes in pen on blank paper, sometimes stained by tears.It was an instant medium. This was before drugs and computers. Everything was hand written. It was almost as fast a I could think, but I began to think at writing speed, rather than the other way around. Words flowed and feelings were documented.I am 51 as of this writing, and I’ve never looked back at them. I remember very little from my childhood. I’m uncertain how those memories will effect me. If I ever do open that chest, I’ll film it.Video it?shoot it.I’m old.In any case, the point is that hand writing was the instant way to jot down ideas as fast as possible. The invention of the pen or pencil was one of the greatest advancements in the history of time. Now we could retain our ideas without needing it all to b E a story your parents pass on to you. Normal people could save ideas. Quickly, everyone had this luxury at home.The world saw a huge change in prosperity.Then, centuries later, after nearly everything else had been invented, we switched to computers.We told ourselves they bwere super fast, even back in the beginning when loading a game by cassette tape took 6 minutes.However, once the world started using them as word processors, and the pen stayed in a drawer, ideas stopped being saved for a while.Oh sure… many great things followed, but not the sudden jolts of greatness that come to you in a flash, or a drea, or a single sentence. Spontaneous ideas we used toi write down instantly with a pen, we’re now up to 10 minutes away. Although you may think it tales a long time to load Windows up and load Microsoft Word up, I can assure you boot times were much worse in the early 90’s decade.DOS was actually fast. It’s still in use in many retail stores and factories around the world because even on 15 year old computers, DOS was a speed King for some tyhings.ANd 15 year old computers actually run DOS really well.After my teens, I was into computers and started my bedside journal with a laptop. From an off position, it took 7 minutes to get me to a point where I could type thge letter A.You may not fully undertstganbd how difficult it can be, for a person like me, with my A.D.D. toi rttetain a memory I am excited about. MY mind will flood with foolish excitement and imagery, and at least one of them will over flood my brain, and drown the original thought. This is a description of how distractions can make me lose my place, or train of thought. I would guess everyone has these moments, but mine come more frequent when I am excited about an original thought or idea. I need to explore it until 00 shiny object.during the years I used Windows early adopter software, I still journaled, but I often started m,y blog with the lines; Sorry. Lost another one”, or similar.Like today, I rushed to the keybopatrd, and started typing, but was distracted by the excitement of trying out my new keyboard.In continuing this themne, I want to say I think we are back, close to a new period of creativity an d progress. For the first generation in history, we are not only personally saving all our ideas as fast as ever, we are now sharing them too, and building on the ideas.Monologue journaling is all fine and dandy for saving ideas, but true progress only starts when you take those ideas and share.Dialogue will always be a different style of productivity than any solo project.Tablets, smart phones, and instant on laptops have allowed a new type0friendly generation to lessen the time from idea to save is faster than a pen. Every device imaginable can have a camera now. Film has been replaced, and so photography and video have become virtually free. P{eople are saving everyuyttghbing.In effect, we are entering perhaps our most prosperous time ever. A time when you don’t need to be rich and successful to become rich and siuccessful. We have created an environment with a new way to “make it out of the old neighbouyrhood” as E used to say. You don’t have to be good at anything to be Internet famopus.When I smoke a tendency bit F weed and want to journalize, it’s almost perfect. Depending on the level of my intoxication .. oh. is that word just for alcohol?I still forget. I still bow my fuse and wipe my idea from memory. Luckily it isn’t be early as evident without the pot, but it’s still the way my brain works. It just takes a bit more excitement.I lose my place a lot in regular life, but I can usually find my way back to the path with contextual evedence. I zeppelin off onto separate topic all the time, like an author might in a book, or a director telling multiple stories at once.I remember Pulp Fiction was one of the first movies where it took me a long time to figure out it was multiple related stories. Then it became a favourite movie.That side topic was almost as drastic as a family guy cutaway. They’re so wild, they’ve become their own parody and frequently break the fourth wall and mock themselves for the p[unchline….And then I take a breath and the steam has been let out. My excitement t for the blog has ended, and it becomes hard to think of an dnding. Past a certain point in any activity or conmversation, I’ll peak, and the downhill site interests me less.The A.D.D. kicks in like a backup generator and starts keeping me excited with new thoughts, like trying to keep yourself awake on a dark night drive home.LA LA. Look over herte. Shiny.I’m done for now, but unlike some blogs I write, and end in clifffhangers, this one kind of came to a fair end.I don’t know what can change in the future, but picking up my phone, and in one click, I can be recording a midnight wake up revelation comcep[t. That’s p[retry cool.My journaling has evoilved, as it’s easier for me to type than write. It’s instant on, and ready to accept my words… or my face if I record a vieo.It even tries it’s best to proof read. That will no doubt I’m porve.Improve.Oh yeas. I forgot. I can speak my journals too . with the click of a single button, I can talk, and journalist my thought that way, recording both audio, and instantly transcribing to text, with accuracy that rivals my fingers, but with even less typos and cnfisions.I’ve tried them all… well… many. This new keyboard I’m trying tonight bis a fail I think. It is the size of my Nexus 7 intended t travel with it, b UT I think I’ll dump it in favor of a USB or bluetooth full size keyboard.that was the decision that first distracted me into forgetting the actual first topic of this blog. It was a great one I’m sure.Next up numbers out of sequence.Most of us have seen them before; places that hand you a number when you enter, so you don’t have to stand in a line. They call out the next number and we can move to the counter. Sometimes a red LED panel will show us our place on the queue.Today I was going to get my drivers licence updated, and that place always has a huge crowd. Rather than lining up, we have a gallery of chairs to sit in as the numbers count down.Studies in human nature have proved that people are more content to wait for anything if they have an idea how long it will be. In fact, we will wait without complaint significantly longer with this placard than without.Although a count down timer dies not specifically tell me whether my wait will be 10 minutes or 70, it does give me an idea of my place, and that has ease my mind.If I am given number 4326 and they are calling out #63, I know I should have packed a lunch. I probably won’t make it home in time.However, this location is screwing with me. They have taken this pleasure away from me, by randomizing the sequence. I was give tag A25 but since I’ve been sitting here, I have seen only G76, F42 and G19 type numbers come up. Not even within the letter sequences are they counting up or down. My A25 could be next, or 4 hours from now.I have no way of knowing if I can go to the bathroom, or step out for a street vendor sausage. I don’t even know if I’ve missed A25 while yawning heavily or writing this blog.I suppose I could make some estimate based on the number of people in the waiting room with me, but I choose to be optimistic and assume at least some of these people are here for other things. There are 16 I can see and none seem to be in groups or pairs.I didn’t pay attention to who came in before or after me.There are at least two or more different things they could be waiting for, but optimism aside, I suspect they’re all using the same count. I’m going to be here for a long time. Like have yet to see any A numbers appear on the red screens.I don’t like this.I will not complain. I will sit and take it, waiting, writing and publishing my dislike online.I am Canadian.Edit: A moment after closing this post, the first A appeared, and it was me. A25. I even heard them call it out, which was new. I put my phone away, stood up and it was gone. I’d missed it – just like that. My heart sank as I had no idea what to do next.Then I heard it called again. I found my place and completed my business. Not really that bad at all.I can still make lunch in time.Stuffed Nose BlogI get sick if I sleep with my mouth open. Germs? #weedI pulled a Jeff on my crazy Calgary friend. She was optimistic and excited as usual and I shit on her with negative opinions, presented as fact. It’s what I do, and am trying my best to stop, but today was a classic Jeff move example.Like my mom always did, I crush joy and hope and confidence when the red shoulder evil gets to talk.End of part 1Falling in love on the subway.It must be hard for regular riders on the subway, to not fall in love. I see beautiful people on every ride. Happy people turning life into stories with their family or friends.Maybe it is different at 2am.Even hotter women, dressed up to look great to whoever looks.It would be hard for people like me, if I had to see the same group of attractive strangers week after week. I know I’d have stories for all of them.I don’t know how long it would take me to speak first. Perhaps never.I obsess quietly, alone.Walking her dog on the subway.I’m referring on the title, to a show I just missed. Or rather caught it as it walked away. From behind, it was clear she’s parading down the length of the subway car with her big sexy bulldog. At least I think it was a big blond bulldog.It was a sexy walk to be sure. I’m hoping she’ll walk by. Getting your dog walk up and down a continuous one car subway train.Seems cool. Wishful thinking.My time in a multi use, urban parkI just witnessed one of the coolest things ever. It seems the park bench I chose to sit on, in the shaded section of an urban strip Park. The width of a street, but with grass and trees and benches.There is a tombstone for Barney nearby. It inspired me to blog ekes where about it.I happen to be across from a spring dating singles party for the park pigeons. I happen to notice a couple in front of me. They walk from the party room, across the concrete throughway into the sun, and begin to audition for the lady.He puffs right up, like he had throat to spare. His puffy chest showing off some high quality colours. A rainbow brighter than a sun refection in an oil spill.That may be a horrible visual example.The point us he was putting on a real show. Pigeons don’t have arms, but…I don’t know where I was going with that.In any case, thus spectacular show, didn’t match what she was looking for, so she indicates no, and he stepped aside.Then, the next qualifier is up, and he prances up over the sidewalk, and starts to show his stuff.He wasn’t as impressive as the first one to me, but my preferences may not match hers. It impressed me less.But she obviously dud it for her, and they bounce off together out of site.Moments later, a new princess bride us out on show in the sunlight, and the rituals continue.I feel so privileged to see the first pairing, because none of the bachelor’s up next, none of them trued nearly as hard. In my mind, the story I give to them is like the community elders all know each other from the neighbourhood and eventually you’ll mate with most of the community boys over the course of your local life.Of I could have any wish tor knowledge, it would be to know more about bird languages. Do birds teach each other One language among birds, or species of birds.Birds, most like humans, sit around and chat. It’s what they do, at least on this spring mating season.But in general, birds hang out No share. They tell stories, and teach how to train the humans.Sadly, this grand showroom is also a prime spot for humans too. A spontaneous game of catch begins in the sun.It is a great example of multi use urban Park.I never really got the fun in Catch.I have no memories of catch. It always seemed a pointless way to have a conversation, loudly across a park.I see even less the enjoyment of a silent game of catch. I don’t get it.But I suppose, as exercise goes, throwing a ball in one of, if not the easiest ways to get some. It’s some movement.The game ends, and the sun is at a more dramatic angle now. Some pigeons return, but it seems the party vibe isn’t always easy to return to. I’d hate it when I’m showing off to my lady pigeon, and some dog screws things up for me.We nod as the pet passes, and know the mood has been broken. Of I don’t get the mod, nod, nod then can always blame the dog.I see lots of dogs No their walkers. I also see people using their dog to be active and social.It’s another genius use for the park. Pet conversations are the easiest to start with an attractive stranger.It’s an unwritten rules that dig walks must stop and talk about their dog when approached by other dog walkers, or let’s face it, almost anyone. Park regulars and strangers can always feel free to stop a dog Walker about their dog.You have to.If you walk a pet, you are open for conversation if the people insist.I think people with muts used to avoid most dark walking exchanges. Fewer people ask about mutts. Cute mutts will still get some smiles, but less interruptions than a cute pure bread you’ll just got to ask about.It could be said that one of the greatest benefits to a dog, is that forces you to get outside for a walk every day. In this neighbourhood, it forces you all onto the same Park, quite probably at the same times, everyday.Oh.More pigeons.It’s not the same. I saw the royalty pros do theur thing, and nobody else measured up the rest of the visit.I decided I could walk some more.End of part 2The levels of paranoia.I am high on weed, with a molly chaser. I am out in public, and this is new to me. I am downtown.I think k I figured that parks are not for me, on weed or off. Parks put you on display. Even of nobody in my circle of vision notices me, I can already work out why they all may judge me.I am on display.I just need shade, and a place to sit now a d then, perhaps to add a new stoner revelation post.Alone, every idea is great.   More than alcohol or drugs, a woman I can make smile has powers over me, I’m glad they have not yet figured out.I feel down when have not seen, or been for creating in a while. As much as I say the sun rejuvenates me, smiles too are an addiction I can never go long without.This is partially why I invented rLOL as a true show of emoticon applause. I want to know I’ve made you smile. Even online, it is my fuel.Zeppelin thoughtWould not even mind commercials if they were fun to watch, one off videosIf it was click able to get more info on the video, or mark favourites would be worth monthlyDerek videos was exactly what I have been looking forA stoner neyworkThere are two types of people in the world. Those that hold some special lotion dedicated just to bacon, and those who Meh.Amy Schubert is bitingVery edgySometimes it doesn’t take much to make me smile in the morning. Other people’s rage or impatient can be funny. Just now I was behind a bus and a right hand turn lane. the car behind me got impatient, and pulled out to drive around, just as the bus pulled up. Option but to drive through the intersection and make his way back, wasting what apparently is his valuable time. I laughed. especially since the next block is filled with do not turn signs and one way streets, making his return to my streak along. patience is a virtue, and one that should not be crushedErie indiannaReevesList missingfeaturesWages of fear  Chef rubberWhere screamDream prideI had one of my all night dreams yesterday evening. I woke up a few times and it was always the same continuation.It started in an army barracks, and somehow my parents had recruited me into some military task. I’d just been awarded a promotion for doing something that seemed logical, but it was being considered brave and worthy. I was promoted to a position above the enlisted privates, and within a few minutes I was rushed into the army. I was shown my bigger than everyone’s semi private bedroom, and army life was being described to me.I was going with the flow because it seemed the easy way to go, rather than explain I didn’t want to be here. It wasn’t my choice.I was explaining my strengths and weaknesses like an adult, and he wasn’t yet yelling at me. I was actually starting to feel like it was going to be OK. People were showing me respect and it was going to my head. I even felt like I could handle criticism without crying. I told the guy that was my weakness and his answer was not to screw up and nobody would yell at me.I was confident that I would fail, and probably often, but the yelling was a practice thrust on anyone and everyone, and so it wasn’t personal. I felt I could handle it.I woke up and returned to the army a few more times. I did better than expected, as long as it was still Canada and not going to war.1866 515 5175Pauseandblog CSI CyberI started watching last nights new CSI series with no expectations. I was curious at most, but didn’t spend any time pre thinking about it. I just turned it on and watched the first scene. A child abduction series open.The first thing I noticed was the father of the child sleeps in his glasses. I even paused and rewound to establish he really was asleep. Weird, I thought. Do people actually do that?Next we see the baby missing, first on the bedroom babycam, which was emitting faint voices, and then in reality. Typical mother scream of panic and then a zoom shot of the babycam making those same noises, which traditionally doesn’t happen so much anymore. In the old days, baby monitors used to pick up cordless phone conversations regularly, but not for a decade or so.On the next scene, we see the lead actress acting quite tough, steal the case from the experts on major crime and kidnapping, justifying this isn’t best served by the experience retrieval team, but instead, her CYBER division which seems to be so new, one guy starts his position in the next scene, and nobody in the police department has even heard of them. I suppose a suspension of belief is required in all CSI series. The guy who traces the body and takes fingerprints really inst the same one interviewing suspects and talking to witnesses.So the fact the the investigation is lead by the team that takes a webcam feed should not surprise me. All of this, because the webcam was transmitting foreign voices.This crime must be webcam related.Despite this logic flaw, I will continue to watch the rest of the show. I know in my heart, it will get much worse. They have not even played the opening credits yet, and I’m quite excited to see if it will be a song by the Who.UnpauseOh good. They did use The Who. Nice choice. This pleases me.The team they put together is as demographically calculated as a boy band, trying to fit all the holes of fan types. The fat guys, cute girls, black criminals and the had some guy. There are three recognizable faces. I’m not certain I’ll accept Patrica Arcettes non mother attitude, but we’ll see if the rest of the show turns me off.The story continues in CSI style, twisting the plot around from simple to complex, and the CYBER team perform fairly regular tech tasks like tracing phones, using GPS and finding SD memory cards with video of the crime, now detected as a babycam live auction for the missing baby. Essentially the team is doing the exact same stuff as any other mystery show, except the techs are the leads, rather than a hand off team usually off camera.Unpause.Every show on TV these days bends the future a little, but I did find the scene where they listen to the auction audio after one of the techs flips a switch and says; all languages now translated and the sound is of the same loud, crowded yelling auction, only with the foreigners now shouting in accented English rather than German, Arabic, and Chinese. That’s more sophisticated than Star Trek translator.I don’t know that Google will ever get to that point. Translation in their own voice, real time. I think not, but again, I’m still watching.UnpauseThe next miracle they perform attempts to teach us game consoles keep track of every user, but only so they can trap petofiles. How happy I am to hear this, covering up any of the other emotions I may have when I accept every device is hackable. This show could destroy the trust of America in the first episode. It’s more terrifying in some ways than a chainsaw horror film.If we dismiss the technology in this show as future based science fiction, the premise is almost silly. If we believe everything in this show is possible, it’s scary. I’m torn.The show ends with a lot of traditional first episode morals and recaps, and even a parents basement joke. We see her deep life long obsession that will play out in serial storyline eventually as The Who plays them out.A well produced CSI show that could go long, if accepted. I’m not sure I like the cast enough to keep in my weekly rotation, but I’ll watch next week.AdastraInfo desk games program bookPeople I don’t know.Because if who I am, I often find myself early at events and meeting so I occasionally take to writing to pass the time. Having Internet on my phone has Kessler how often I read a book, or write a journal entry, but done times the mood is just right.Today I am 15 minutes early to a meeting of convention volunteers. I know their faces, but not really their names. I’m still not well adjusted at being social with strangers. When I have a job, I’m the Center of attention and I’m fine with answering questions, but when it comes to breaking the ice, or small talk, I just sit back and be alone in my head. Today is one such day.Site IdeaStoner webcam chats.Make money being a cool chatroom buddy, evenings and such.Start with twitter. See previous thoughts from tonighyt.Can you play fluxx with strangers online?And others. Tomas Benda wanted to blank blank blank, and I always loved that idea. Being able to play fun party games with strangers can be a worthy past time. Virtual friends will one day have the same rights as real friuends. People can have wonderful social lives, online.I see a world not to far away where people who don’t do well in public society, for whaver reason, may thrive, or at least co-exist in a virtual community.I have written many times that I belive community is vital to our evolution as a species. We need to take what happens in life, and turn it into stories. We onloy remember the stories.Stories trump reality, if they’re good enough.We believe the stories, because we remember the stories. Each time we tell one, we papint another coat of sealent on the memory.All the card games the card game stores sell, could be simulated across 4-6 players, with or without webcams.Like a virtual card table.You could use tinychat for free tomorrow.The hashtags, meet at Tinychat – or leave it running all night. A virtual buddy to crack a joke about if you’re watching the same show.TinyChat TV show rooms… local or international.              My Idea’s Origin StoryMy Origin StoryMy Mind, in words, in text form.learning at 51This morning I read some comments to my post on Ash Wednesday. I had mentioned that I really didn’t remember the significance of pancake Tuesday and Ash Wednesday. I have been using it as a punchline day for my friend, who’s cat is named Ash. Ash even has his own Facebook page.However one of my circle of friends, actually posted a really nice explanation for me, and I understood it.I replied, I love learning, even at 51And I do. Growing up with undiagnosed A.D.D meant that I learned at my own pace, and only things that were able to hold my focus. If learning wasn’t interesting, it didn’t get learned.Luckily, I found almost everything I’ve ever learned interesting, because my brain visualizes scenarios to make them better memories. I remembered a lot of important stuff, but I never really paid attention to the world. I know most kids don’t, and then one day they start to care.I remember that day well. I was laughed at amongst my closest group of friends, for saying; What War?I remember the reaction.I started paying attention. I really don’t remember who I was with when I first watched The Daily Show, with Keg Kilbours, but I liked it.I got all my news from my morning radio men, who became Howard Stern for the last few decades.Late night with Jimmy Kimmel. He was my choice, and I stuck with him for over 10 years before giving up on late night talk shows altogether.The Daily Show taught me the world I needed to know, with a laugh. A punchline, which could be used to start up any conversation in the future.I did have a period where I watched CP24 now and then. Toronto Pride… before Chum lost control. Well, till Moses did actually.The Daily Show is my trusted news source, and has made me a republican fearing democrat… as guided.I admit that.I would vote Jon Stewart for President if I could.                      Jon Stewart does too, but his mocking isn’t subtle.It woke me up to a whole split world fear that wasn’t there before. US Elections are 50/50 because democracy only works that way. You need to have that balance to get anything done, but by naming it look like nothing is getting done.Truth is, Government needs to Kate big decisions a lot of people won’t like. We need two parties so that everyone feels heard.If the elections don’t flip flop every 4-12 years, then some of those vital things will never get done. We need a bad guy ever few terms.We need to have both, so different opinions can retain pride. If the country were 60/40 or 80/10 then nothing would get done they didn’t want.We may not marry gays or smoke weed in public, but in 4 years, the candidate who says you can, may win.Then your side can feel like they tried.If it were 60/40 then peole who oppose would feel cheated and resented. You do what you want because you have bigger numbers, and states start wanting to become countries.I’m almost surprised they don’t consider it all the time. I wonder if The Daily Show ever reported how many States have tried to succeed since July 4.I know in my country of Canada, Quebec tries every generation once or twice.One day they may, and it’s because they don’t feel like English Canada should be able to rule French Canada. They remain very unique, often just to be different. I both admire that, and am irritated by it regularly.I admit to a bit of Quebec generalized racism. It bothers me, but it’s there.The race, not the people.The people that decided Quebec airports could be the only international airports in the world, that don’t have to speak English in the cokpit.I hope I research that before I publish, but if I didn’t – and now I won’t – see if that is true. I believe it was actual when I heard it, but it is a backbone of my dislike. The poster rule.That was a zeppelin, and now I forget what I was typing.SUBROUTINE GOSUB RETURNI just looked above, and see that this journal, was to be about learning at 51. I made that post today, and when I came home tonight, I chose a learning show from the PVR vs a murder mystery cop procedural.I chose STREET GENIUSIn one off handed comment, he was explaining that hot air expands. I had never before thought of that.I remember once having an equally WOW moment when I watched a similar show and they explained that warm air starts a reaction in the molecules and they spread, which makes the air lighter than the cooler air, and so it rises.I could see it in my head, and I learned why hot air rises, even in a baloon.However it never occurred to me that it also expanded doing that process. Like heating something made it bigger. Why pot lids pop in the microwave.I watched him seal a loose tire with a spray of lighter fluid and a flame. POOF. The tire popped sealed. It won a prize.I’ll say it again.It’s always fun to understand something new.      It’s a push based chat room.If something on the Oscars tomorrow happens that is cool, people will issue hashtags – live or on the screen.Instantly, all over the world in every city that cares, conversations wil start – with strangers in other countries – experressing opinions on whatever it just was.Teenagers will have equal say among educated adults and evertyone in bettween. Celebtrities, or heir personal assistance can chat… 140 chgaractrers at a time, abouyt anything.make us laugh with humour that doesn;t get any more topical.We can also mingle with total idiots and mindless downers. They show up at every crowwd, phiscally or virtually – and have equal say.Twitter probably filters with algorithms, so maybe nblot everyone has a fair say, but it is a community, instantly formed and more diverse than a seaosn of Survivor.Speakig of Survivor, I’ve missed watching it libve with a partner or friends. I still like the show, but I watch it alone.If you turn on twitter oin your phone or tablet, you have a huge community of like fans, sharing thoughts (silently through textx of 140 charavcters or less) it’s the perfect world.Dull people have 140 characters just like seasoned Twitter pros.We’re free to look deper, private chat or even subscribe to the YouTube channels or the people who make us smile most, regyulsrly.I wonder if I could excell at Twitter? I am quick witted and make people laugh all the time. I just wonder if I’m fast enough, and smart enough to not offend people at all the wrong times, just because I see humour in rage and tradgey sometimes.I go for a laugh, at least in my head, at the worst of times. I still remmeber telling a joke at a dear friend’s father funmeral. It seemed an apporpriate way to break the ice, to his duaghter, who I loved to make smile.I will always consider that an example of the old Jeff, before I learned who I was, and what not to do.But it made me an awkward youngster I think.In any case, I am happy, mand like to make people smile.So I had an idea.We sites, that market a single hastag.You create a web page for YOUR hashtag… whatever it is. #77364 if it is unique. #Whochat9876 or whatever.But you market a hastgag, and that’s where you’re available – toi anybody you invite.It’s a cross platform live chat, unlike anything before.With a hastga, and maybe web software, you can enter the hashtag LIKE a CHATroom if you want, but it works on Twitter everhwere.Start chat rooms for the TV shows you like.         Producers could tweet in time sequence.     Side Zeppelin. Business idea. Make this a web site business. Sell timed twitter feeds as scripts to have on your screen as you watch old familiar classics like Trek epiosdes or Lord of the RIngs or Star Wars. Huge movies people have watched so many times, they need a new view and set of opinions to styart friendhips and arguments.In fact… Organize the watching of the movie together lives with whatever movie a channel plays that day. Meet every Saturday at 8 on Twitter to watch a movie together.This is already happening on it’s own, but if you get people to make their own web pages on my server, they’lbe buiding their own audience.I think it could turn into a career, whioch is my life goal. Tob give income to people who don;t like to work, or can’t.There are millions of them, and through a nhappy coincidence, many of them are stoners, so I can incorprate some of my other stoner business ideas in to this, because stoners need things to do while hiogh, more and more. Distracted stoners can be dangerous. Interested stoners can be a wonderful loyal audience. Making stonbers happy is hard, but a growing loyal market.Stoners will be the new millionairesI should tweet that.So – side idea. Would it be possibkle to buld an online company, with stranger voleunteers met ionly in 140 charcetsr or less.If I tweeted Want to build a potentiall cool business with me?Looking for volunteers to form a serious business together. Part time, via twitter, putting bwhatever skillset you have to share, and be partners.Could that work? We’d need lawyers, whicg sucks.It’s a dream.I like the twitter chat roms idea, or just selling hashtags on TV and Radio and Internet. We’ll advertise the hell out of your hashtag.Pay $40 to join, but give 39 of it to other members. Advertising is split among members.Profits go to partners.Accidental HighToday I can honestly say, I accidentally got high. Quite high, by accident. Now to be totally honest, it should probably be a lot higher by accident. I was taking a single puff through a vapourizer that is usually quite a week dose. It’s not enough to daze me, but enough to spark past through some procrastination blockage.I’d never really done it before, but today seemed like the right time. I have some things I don’t want to do, and I thought a teeny buzz might help jump start y creativity.The accidental part was, that one single draw from this vapourizer unexpectedly backfired. I inhaled an unusual amount and coughed for a few minutes. A minute later and I was like; whoa.I’m now too buzzed to effectively work. I’m not sure how stoners do it… or alcoholics. MY mind works differently when I’m buzzed, and the A.D.D powers up and makes everything a distraction. Doing anything I don’t really want to, is a virtual impossibility – at least for an hour or so.I took a phone call I knew should be simple, and found myself over-talking. Saying 50 words when 3 would do. I’m often guilty of doing that in my regular daytime calls, but this at least seemed excessive.I hung up and started to write this.Now suddenly, even this won’t hold my interest.End of Part 1Acid lungeI once what old hippy if I challenge society?I can imagine a place, perfect for a 12 hour visit. An acid lovers fun hiouse.strange video12 hour seatings. All rise and fade at the same time, for desired effect.Vault worthy experiencesIt’s your Friday Night… guided acid trips for recreation.A safe place to experience acid in a controlled environment.bitcoin accepted at daily par.Hire show hosts, and package 12 hour trips on emand, in your own livingroom.All drugs must be bought online using TOR networkThis is just a lounge with a membership requirement.No expectation of privacy implied.In fact, it could be spread by the online dealers. tip urls70’s nightsMillions of themes possible. This is good acid!Acid is the greatest drug, if you’re in a good place, and a game changer for some people. No… a game changer for everyone I believe. You can not trip on this acid, and not be changed.I think more smart people need to either start, or keep doing drugs. It’s the only way things move way to fast for their own good.heheheThat sounded funnier in my head. Give me a break, I’m on qacid.         or Queen.When I have a smile to work towards, I get things done. I am decisive and organized when I know it’ll yield a smile. The bigger the grin, the higher the incentive.Maybe I need to hire somebody to run my ciomopany. TV showdo it, like a real world, get it done person. that person is the keyclique or clashyou know.a smile I can work to see again.an inspiring smileapply with how your idea could become a realityside pitches.you have an ida, and our three judges choose piroirity1000 budget to spend in 1 week to start a businesscelebrities caught off guard, to do instant live now… a YouTube channelexcuse me Tom arnold, would you mind hearing a pitch?if Tom Arnold says he’ll watch the pitch, you get $1000. if he says yes to pitch, we give you 1000 and one week. if you create a business plan that works, it could be funded.rent an acid trip.a stoned man answers questions for a dollar.government should have an acid stoner in every conversation.Happy who I amgood should pay wages to anyone who buys a business kit. I can what if till I make you cry.it’s my superpower. up crush joy with doubt. I bring a slump of self worth to spoil moments.I scenario out loud.I am a believer that truth is relative. conflicting truths can coexist.reality is the story of reality, and always will be. somebody is writing earth’s story.Who writes earth’s story, because somebody is. Life is a written story, agreed on I relevant to politics.   well do your sketch ideasGareth business opportunitiesPick oneIf you make it, people will watch                           Or the story we tell.All it takes to change the world is tell different stories,.   57 02Paranoia x10. This movie is filled with Arab LA gauge shooting out its compression.This pirate movie is a communityGamesBazingoSecret qr codeAnywhere meetingGlobal post button.Here too here to sppStill alone in a crowd.It’s 2015 and I’ve been on meds and counselling for a year, but I still have some if the sTonino 8557 5192 33.5 34.5If (unedited draft with lots of bad autocorrect)MoreI used to play a game within the obsession scenarios on my Mind. I’d use it to think about conspiracy theories and other things. I’d use it to scenario out; how would the world be different if… And then try to figure out if it already is. It a fun mind practice.You can come up with lots of fun stories by thinking up your own versions of Sliders.More recently, as I discover the world of the mind, I wonder fifteen scenarios. How would the world be different if the people I know, and think of as confident were actually built, more like me. How would they be different? Then you start to look for signs they actually are.Everyone is different inside their mind than we can guess at, or even Comprehend. It is impossible for me to accurately know what it’s like to be confident without self doubt. I can say I’m proud of myself to my self and anyone who will listen, but in the moment, I still believe I am not really good enough.Maybe it still stems from the risk of failure, of not looking perfect to you, so that others will have pride too. I care so much about what others think if me, that I don’t risk anything that could change that. I don’t do anything that I have not guessed has no side effects.I can’t begin to Comprehend what it’s like to not have that feature of, y brain, both environmental and chemical I suspect.However, it’s easy to imagine it going wrong. Too easy. I can drive a car on the highway knowing I might die, but that accident won’t reflect badly on me, or my image, but driving drunk would. I gave up drinking in my 20sIm terrified of losing what image I admire to be. That guy.I don’t actually think I am as good as that guy, but he’s more important than me.I don’t interact, because past level 1 of familiarity, I actually have to live up to my image. Minimal sweating, good opinions, kind, generous and polite. Well spoken and start.That’s the image I’m proud of, and most of the time it is me… But don’t look to close. We can smile and be in the same room, but don’t ask too many questions. Nobody must mention I’m nude.(probably edit out last line, as too subtle reference to the emporer clothes)However, the older I grow, the more people I get to watch, and meet. The more loops. Time is all infinite loops, and watch year you witness another 364.People just practice and try different things. Who we are dictates our relationship to the world as it unfolds. To some, everything happens to them, and to others, they don’t wait. Some of the people ask, and some answer. I’ve always been an answer guy. My social and professional life are based on support. I am happiest when I can answer you need a and be regarded with a smile. Others are the ones who ask for things. From answers to discounts to promotions or even dates. They find people like me, and we work for them.There may be a third type that doesn’t ask questions or have answers. They work best being told what to do. The task completely, perhaps the most valuable of all of us.In the past, we used to have slaves, but eventually we discovered people will do anything volentatily, if you find the right people, and pay them.In history, we see many people who are multi talented and fit into two or more types. More often than not, they are a success, whether it be on the good side, or the evil side.This gives us hope. Perhaps I can evolve, if I dare. I can ask.It’s hard, nearly impossible for me. I don’t complain easily, if ever. I’ll walk away from anything, to avoid a conflict. I walked away from $1000 in 2013 just to avoid a hassle. A mild hassle.I don’t ask. Not for special treatment, or fair treatment, or for business. I underchagre and discount, but never ask for a better deal on my side. I don’t ask for much. It’s a risk. It might bother you, and you won’t like meTyping this, I realize you can’t understand the level of this fear, no more than you can understand how some people may never be able to go in a plane. Fear is hard to think away.But people have fear, and if agnowleging you have a problem is the first step to recovery, I’m really for step 2. 2014 was step 1.I need to listen to the pride side of my brain and talk over the low self esteem side. Shush. The facts and relations favor the positive. I am       Please send a comment if you read this. (1st ask of 2015)When I blog, I’m always rightWhen I communicate, I run the risk of being wrong. In publicMonologue is safer and easier than dialogue.Fandome. I could be good at that.I am volunteering to an annual fan convention that happens every spring.                Silence the red yappit on my shoulder any way I can.CopyrightI need a partner. I can’t get things done alone. Having a partner turns tasks into responsability. Having a partner creates loyalty and guilt. To those who care, a partners respect is above all, previous.I don’t get along with people if respect is lost be either side.If you don’t care about respect, it’s easy to be a criminal. If there is nobody in you ride you care about to care what they think if you, you lose hope and purpose.I need a partner to function. I need a face, or voice or text away is there, to double check everything.And to make me react. Without a partner, I do nothing until the phone rings or an email arrives.I have a daily to do list which is sent to me each day, and supervised. I turned my tasks into responsibilities. Somebody else knows when I fall behind.That is usually enough.I want for the first time in my filtered memory, to be proactive and actually start things, instead if reacting in support.I want to take a class, or join a group. I’m just terrified, and without a partner, I won’t go them.Everything I do in life, everything, I prefer to do with someone. My universe is to work for the smile, but in a sincere way.Lost it      I have one secret saved. One thing ice never ever told anyone. In case somebody ever needs to prove it’s them.He shows home the machine, and tells him of the task he us to be given. The official father time. The only one who knows the secret. This lever Myst be pulled, before midnight, or the day will reset to midnight of the same day.It will groundhog day the entire world, or city, or small town.Only he remembers repeat days.Hes 17,so obviously he abuses it for a day. Or 5He decides to try becoming a superhero. Our world is ready for one. We can only watch another 20 or 30 Superman origin story movies before we get tired for a generation.He uses practice time lines to always arrive ready to save the day and perform miracles. Non violently.He sets up more and more elaborate setups to solve crimes.Eventually he discovers he can even die, and his fear goes away and his ego struggles. He can plan his death as a tactile advantage. All missions can be suicide missions, but the day doesn’t advance until he decides to pull the lever before midnight.He can tell whoever his secret at will for help, and they won’t remember on the loop.The loop. Season 1,its a new Robin each week.  Season 2 is a personal team. None remember looks but are knowing staff that help resolve problems every day.One is St the TV news offjce.   ComplainAcceptEnjoyTesting the Samsung keyboard for a change. I think it may actually be better for the best I type.I have gotten used to swiftkey but I make a lot of errors.LA DE daTjusvuscavtedtbifvthevrhergehct nroadcadtvstsyem.BazingoWhoa. Don’t vougle on them, from grimToilet cleanLightSwifterPat cleanBlog spotsI gave up on consistency.I started a life goal a month or two ago. The intention was to write a blog post every day, for 100 days. I had previously, with success, completed a project of video blogging. I made 100 consecutive 10 second video blogs on Giveit100.com and followed up with YouTube extended versions. I believe I didn’t miss a day.Not all of the videos were true blogs, and many of them were just brief expressions of my mood on the day, and the progression of the goal itself. Viewers watched me daily, as I struggled with the need to find a new income, and through my new depression / obsession medication, as well as a new experience with a councillor.It was fun, and beneficial and a great experience. After the 100 days, I took some time off, and fell back into some bad habits. I tried another give it 100 project, but failed at keeping the daily routine. Once I missed a day, a new threshold had been broken, and missing a day was suddenly Ok.So I missed a lot of days, and then quit.          The greatest is earning itA smile changes me. My mood is enhanced Creating joy is others is my pleasure, quite literallyAdAstra84648388Doctor ClaraI had a theory last week, that the reason doctor who always arrives in a time and place that needs him, it’s because his mere presence is breaking time and space.Recently, we’ve met Clara, who also traveled in time and broke it. The last two episodes have taken place in her timeline, and things have gone wrong in present day. Perhaps Clara is breaking time and space like the doctor.In defence of the empty rollI live alone now, and one of the benefits of that, is I get to do whatever the hell I want and I don’t have to justify it to anybody.However, in this case, third in a series of poor related blogs, I want to justify why I sometimes leave the roll empty when I stand up and leave after using the last pieces.It’s all about timing. When I enter the bathroom and sit to do my business, I’m there. It’s a time with nothing else to do.Paging Doctor BlogSince I don’t do too many back to back appointments these days, O don’t find myself waiting in cars with time to share as much as I used to. These days, one of the only blank time periods I experience is when I’m in a waiting room, awaiting a doctor.So I blog. I gave not been keeping up with the new hobby daily as I promised myself, but I do sound some time each day observing the world and thinking about ideas I could blog about. I just don’t sit and write. All my life, writing was either a chore assigned by a teacher, or a task I procrastinated for work, or an evening activity I dud only in the right mood.I always enjoyed the writing itself. It was just the starting I have a problem with, for writing or almost anything else.Today, as I sit in an open concept waiting room, I feel inspired to start because the nearby rest room flush is so loud, it’s humerous. It is indeed; blog worthy.My doctor resumes in a new space, recently built, with a very public style. The administration for each office is shared with 4 staff behind a glass wall like a bank vault teller. The holes are smallish and most people have to speak in an outdoor voice to be heard, which is exactly the opposite of how you normally want to speak when discussing your personal health issues.My doctors assistant hates it and us constantly standing up by walking out to our open area to be more personal with her contact. She is sitting next to me now, talking to a nice old gentleman. I get to hear anything I choose to listen to.The whole area houses offices like this for several doctors and everything else imaginable in one open area. Behind me are other areas where children are screaming. Next to that other areas for waiting on other specialists, for eye, blood, therapy and xray. We’re not all waiting together but it’s open like a mall. Few areas get to be enclosed.The point is, it isn’t particularly quiet. It’s not as loud as a real mall I suppose because a lot of people are waiting alone, No not prone to open conversations. The people all around me for instance are all browsing old Chateline magazines from 2013. (not an old office as mentioned, or they would be from the 90s)The funny part however, is that silence is broken every few minutes by an explosive whosh sound. The men’s washroom is to the right of me, and the women’s to the left. The sound of flushes can be heard anywhere in the mall, through walls and almost outside.The flush is so loud, it actually makes me jump if it happens during a quieter moment. I have never had the need to visit the lavatories here personally, but I can visually imagine how shocking it might be the first time. If you had to flush before you used it you might literally shit yourself.                         8 ft light    Forever Ep 3Infinity +1I am about to watch the third episode of Forever. I’ll pauseangblog as I go, but before I let the opening dead body reveal scene, I wanted to acknowledge the change in series television dramas. They seem to be giving us all the character back stories right away.Like a new reboot superhero movie that lasts 90 minutes always struggles with every one having to bother with an origin storyline, and that can take up half the first movie, or more.In TV series like Girever6,or the one I just finished watching ; scorpion. They’re crushing us the character development because TV has become do cutthroat done shows each fall don’t even get a second episode.It makes me think, cheap junk is often produced justly test the waters, but eventually designed to fail. Networks make the end week of September, a good event. So many shows, you have to tune in.If you don’t, the show goes away, No people got paid, favours made even.The script has to tell us they can and get us to like the show. Forever cheated, by presenting a two night, two episode opening night. If we same back the next day, they had us. Then they can use math and put the show in the schedule, either Monday or Tuesday depending on the numbers.Always about those numbers.At least forever also has the advantage that it can tell 50 or more origin series. A man who looks about 30 only has 25 or so years to live anywhere before his unchanged look will generate questions, but any death or other reason could force him to have many stories from history.We can get an origin story, every week.I’m back for episode 3.Unpause.The second scorpionI watched the series premier of Scorpion that week, and blogger about how I was concerned that the time may have passed for the nerd drama, because top much of the audience knows the tech is fake these days.In the week since then, I have returned to that thought a few times in retrospective. I revisit the idea that nothing in most dramas is realistic, but we focus on the ones we know.In hospital dramas, they make all sorts of errors that must infuriate doctors and nurses, and even orderlies.On police dramas, there must be people from that works that watch them and nitpicking, or laugh. Even I know a DNA test can take a lot longer than 4 hours.In nerd dramas, they may try to be realist, but in the end, I think I change my Verdict to say it is not a deal breaker after all.I’ve just watched episode 2,snd it seemed to use up almost all the remaining bad tech stereotypes that they didn’t get to last week, starting with the bouncing their ip all over the world.I enjoyed it. I realized that all the other shows I enjoy do impossible things ever week, including the ones that showcase actual magic only those miracles are real.I may sound a week taking note of how fake my prefer ended are in the projective network selections I’ve made to keep in my rotation, week to week.I decided last year, as part of my therapy and progress, to test the abilities of my new less obcessive mind, to cut way back on my TV addiction. This is series premier week for a lot of them. It’s my first September since I cut off 10 or more shows cold turkey, and deleted them from my PVR unwatched.Not since the first ATI all in wonder I configured with Snaostream, have I ever bailed on a series I enjoyed, or missed an episode, or watched them out of sequence. Addiction may not be the right world., but it was an obcessive quick I only began to understand once it lessened.One day I made the decision and cut Bones, Hawaii 5.0, Mythbusters, and more.I felt actual loss. This week, as I saw them in the queue, set to auto record the first new episode from the settings from last September, I deleted the series. With some O had to delete 4 or more unwatched episodes from last June. I guess I had said goodbye at the end of the summer.Magic deceptionFor the first time ever, a magician won America’s big summer talent show. Howard Star, one of the judges has been campaigning on his morning radio station to vote more for charity acts that singers. He continuously makes the reference that singers have it easy. They have a great voice, and they come out and song somebody else’s words.Tonight I watched Mar Franco smile, and impress America and the judges with a close up magic routine. He got the most votes, and he won a million dollars.I was seriously into magic in my teens for 5 or 6 years. It was a great hobby for me, shared with my best friend at the time, who continued and made it his career. I’ve always had a love of magic, and an inside scoop on some of the secrets.It’s hard for me to know how magic feels to the average person. It was normal for me to understand what magic is, and feel for the magician more than the spectator. I see it differently, and although I will admit to not knowing how a lot of amazing stage magic is done, I still understand the concept. Stage magic us all about showmanship and props, and close up magic is about that too, plus some great skill.These are generalizations of course. Matt is a good example of a good performer. He has a nice smile that doesn’t scare you like some magicians who go over the top with flame and danger. He’s likable, and we want to enjoy the show.His choice of trick for the finale performance was the cups and balls. As I noted above, I’m not an expert on how the general public perceives magic on TV. Having said that, I’m still fairly confident that a great percentage of Americans have not only seen this trick done before, but may even know how it’s done.Penn and Teller have performed their version of the cups and balls on TV numerous times, and in fact do it with clear cups, so you can see how it’s done.If you, or your grandparents ever bought you a magic kit when you were 8, it would have included a deck of cards, red sponge balls, a fake thumb, and the cups and balls.As a magician, watching a new fellow prestidigitator perform their version of the trick is like watching your favourite band play their take in a famous Beatles tune. It’s familiar, but different every time, and even though you know the tune, the creativity in making it theur own is entertaining. I have to say, Matt was not very good. He gave us a complex rhyming poem, and did a very stock routine, pretty much like the stock patter listed in the first magic book you ever read.To make it worse, he did it very poorly. Even if the premise of the trick wasn’t known before he started, his moves and loads were bordering on horrid. It was quite possibly the worst cups and balls routine I’ve ever seen, and in my lifetime, I’ve seen it a lot. Hundreds of times. He was worse than 13 year old Allen Berman, who performed it at his best friends barmitsfa and he was worse than Robby the clown at the Acton fall fair, that I saw 5 years ago.Still, Matt impressed the crowd and some people stood up to clap. They already loved him from previous appeases, and he pulled off another miracle. The true magic was almost a slap in the face. You can win with bad magic just as easily.His second effect impressed me more. Again, it was a store bought routine and one I’ve been showing my friends since I was 16 but his routine was excellent. He mixed one of the most impressive card tricks with a stage element and human cards, so it worked for the close up judge and the big TV audience. I loved it. He still made a teeny error of misspent, but it impressed and fooled everyone. It was cool magic.It’s a testimate to how people love magic. I underestimated America’s love for magic. Since I was young, I’ve watched all the TV magic I could find. Through Kreskin and Doug Henning to David Copperfield and David Blane. I watched a number of series shows in Canada and the US. My best buddy from high school that I mentioned earlier even hosted his own children’s magic series (Spelz) for a few years. It seemed natural to me that others dud too.What I am learning however is the opposite. Most Americans don’t see magic. They’re not exposed to it in their day to day lives, and may only witness an effect once a year or less. They see it on America’s Got Talent once a year for 90 seconds. The average Joe may have never seen a good card trick. They, as never have seen the cups and balls.Magic is awesome. It turns a frown into a smile more globally than a joke or a song, and follows up with the bonus emotion of wonderment and confusion, and if done well, respect.Bad magic does too, at least when we’ll performed. Not everyone wants to ruin a trick by figuring it out, or ruin the mood by telling you they’ve figured it out. Some do of course, and they’re on YouTube posing comments about how everything is done, but most are happy to have been fooled, and smile.I congratulate Matt. He’s done well, and perhaps better than anyone, is probably showing the world that cares, that magic is a good hobby choice. A good art you can learn and be good at, or good enough at. I suspect many people will look at magic this year.The first trick they’ll learn is the cups and balls.Meetings with therapyEvery 3 weeks or do I have an appointment to talk to somebody about life, the universe, and everything. It’s not a users group of days of The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, but my therapist.Today I arrived a little early, because the office is only 2 minutes away by car, but my obsession still forces me to leave early and arrive early. I don’t like being late for anything generally, but being late for a therapy discussion about my lateness obsession is one I just can’t handle.I don’t plan got these sessions. I don’t pre organize my thoughts or lay out what I’ll discuss. That is to say, I don’t do that anymore. I used to. I am happy that my combination of drugs and therapy have helped me be less obcessive. In fact, I discovered how obcessive I was. I didn’t know how many things bothered me until I started caring less on medication.Life changes are quite fascinating, and the changes in being less obcessive is now a cool thing to ponder about. My brain still recognizes the things I cured about before, but I’m less upset about missing deadlines or obligations now. My brain keys my intelligence choose, rather than an internal need and obsession. I don’t get sick if I’m 35 seconds late. I still try to be on time but failure doesn’t destroy me.Time is up. Appointment begins in 3,2,1… Now she’s the late one.Confidence v PridePride is post. Confidence is pre.Confidence stops meThere is no fear in pride because it’s over. You survived.Pride is proof           Ike the show, or leave it. I’ll watch week two before I decide. It stays in the rotation.ForeverA few summers ago, during the slow season of TV shows, I started watching The Highlander series every day on one of those obscure extra package cable channels. Although immortals are not technically the same as time travellers, the similarity was enough for me. I really enjoyed the series and would often find myself day dreaming about what it would be like for me, if I could live a few hundred years.Over the years I have considered a few scenarios I could write about if I ever started writing fiction, and I was always a little surprised there were not more movies and TV shows about immortals.Tonight, that changed, and a new modern day immortal debuted in the fall lineup. A copy procedural with a character who dies and is reborn in water. Like Duncan Mcloud, of the clan Mcloud, he has lived for a few hundred years, and has learned, any languages and skills as he moved from life to life around the globe. Undoubtedly we will see his past memories of war and love become part of the story each week as the writers introduce us to more of him.His other attribute seems to be a sharp mind, modelled after the kind of obcessive attention to detail we’ve been seeing a lot of in shows from Sherlock Holmes to Monk, Psych, The Mentalist and others.I am excited to see part two tonight, where I believe he will reveal his secret to his beautiful love interest cop partner. They may extend the secret for a few weeks or season 1, but apart from his father aged son, nobody knows the secret. I think he’ll share it with her early. Just a guess.It’s really two shows in one, and a lead character able to die in every episode may start to make him almost super hero-y. Well see whether the plot goes more towards a copy show solving murders, or an immortal hiding a secret. I’m hoping for a nice balance that keeps the series going.I’ve seen from 5 years of The Highlander, there are a lot of places the story can go. I think it’d be cool if every season they pulled a reverse Doctor Who and changed every character but the lead. Any public death should mean cutting ties and moving on. It would be something we don’t see often on network TV.I like it. I’m a first episode fan. It stays in the rotation.Unpause.Blog topicsBlog a day    Somebody often means nobody 911I’m not ignoring you. Training IMCan’t believe a focus groupWhen I watch stand up, I’m sad I can’t click share and make my friends laugh too.Stand up 4th wall.Q and aFunny blogs from last month, or year. Jokes that get laughs a year later, thanks toCanada prime time pretty face and hair marketing vs usaWhy does anybody say ma’amIf Halloween didn’t exist, would stores have Christmas lights up in August?Legal use of free, best, fastest and exclusiveConfess owu (occasional weed user. Opu)Idea inspired by not set list. Blog about my titles yourself. A blog topic button.Hate that success has to be copied. Al’s has another few weeks to burn bright and then a flood of stupid copycat charities and you tubers will pick up dozens.Side ideas. Have these in a jar at your table in a nightclub or barNumber breach pins. At convention, each number has a corresponding identifier Interactive blog adventure game.BoobsAlmost all trees are less than 100 years old. We could replace every tree in existence every centuryI don’t go back to things I fail. Period. I never go back. I forget it.I never went back.I never went backMy first dance. I never went back.Shoplifting detergent. Cashier sees your weight in and out.The lunch list. It’s hell.Madam SecretaryI sat down to watch and review the new show about Mrs. clinton. It’s called Madame Secretary. It’s probably not really about Hilary although the Star looks a lot like a younger Clinton, and has similar hair. I think we are at least going to be shown what the job of the secretary of state is all about, which may indirectly impress people that she is a smart strong woman, who may be a good candidate for 2016 president. I expect this show to be similar to The West Wing, which was a fictional, but educational about us politics.Sadly, the show I apparently recorded and started to watch, was Family Guy. The network changed their pilot premier for unknown reasons. Ouch. That has to hurt the ratings if a brand new show. I wonder if it was political. The republicans sabotage the democratic hopeful show.To be continued.New Business IdeaMall Scavengar Hunts. $1 at a candy dispencer area.HashtagYard Sale FindsI found myself at a charity years sale this weekend with time to spare. Usually I don’t pay too much attention to sakes in yards and driveways, although I do know for many people, they’re a weekend highlight.I can breeze through a yard sale on under 3 minutes usually, because I just don’t need to do end money on other people’s giveaways. They can do meetings be fun to rekindle vintage home memories, but I rarely find anything to spend a dollar or 50 cents on.Today however, I attended one and stayed. I sat and watched the people who came, and shipped with eager treasure hunting excitement. I hit to listen to all sorts of conversation. A yard sale truly is a cross section of assorted weirdness.I actually had a fun time watching and listening as people struggle with tough decisions and bicker over whether to spend 50 cents for that plastic katsup bottle or not.”Uncle Jack would like this”, and “oh look mom, a Golfer mug! Daddy would love this!”I used the think watching kids on a dollar store was super fun, but the added challenge of having to actually dig and hunt for cheap finds is an extra added excitement I’d not witnessed before.Kids seem to love digging looking for lost wonders, and several people seem to be on very specific collecting quests. I’ve seen more than few people arrive with a determination to find that decision piece they’ve obviously been looking at for years through various yard sales.By far the most popular exclamation I hear over and over is; oh wow, we used to have one of these! The recognition of a product from our your youth.The funniest thing I saw was a woman buy a wedding guestbook. She said; wow. This saved me $40.You can find all kinds at the yard sale.ScavengerMall scavenger hunts. Qr codes marketing. Camera phone games. Web page. Prizes.YoutubePrelude to axnarFancons.caPanelHotel liasonGamingSponsorsRooms

  No, YOU go first.Only lucky bustard are a success the first try.That’s unfair. Some no doubt are great success all through life. I hate this guys. I knew a few in high school.We’ve all known a few

  I guess I’m not what the excutives thought of when they released Fourtsqaure a few years ago. To me, it was a silly cool app that let me check in whenever I went somewhere. To post a virytual flag and say “I was here”. If I posted the same flag mnore than my friends or strangers using Fouyrsquare, I got to declaire m,yself mayor of that place.       We are learning about poverty and drugs and crimeLower class intelect              I don’t trust any white people.

  (End of Energy)End of Part 5August21Dry throat stopping video. Almpost out of water. Whoops.Good slogan. Pleaure +1 has two meanings I can think of now. “+1” is a gaming term meaning a point, or heath or accomplishmnent of some sort in a game.Doing well, getting praise, feeling good about something rather than bad – all “feel” good. On a subtlke level, we feel it.In fact, the feeling is so strong when delivered with a great smile and/or laugh. When I see happiness in others, I feel it so much, I unconsciously mimic it. My lips mimic a smile, or a laugh, or oddly – even a kiss. Yes. I pucker when I see others kiss. Almost every single time. I can’t help but smnile when you do.Profound lyrics from the Canadian son.[note to editor: when they finally invent that long discussed sarcastic font or sarcasm emoticon, be sure to include it asterisked to the above line. JG]OH MY. Thought As I sit here looking at my KEEP wall, it occurred to me that this could be a web page. It is the notes from the mind of Jeff Goebel. 20% work related and 80% stoner thoughts. It’s quite pretty.PajseandblogI am watching an online video show on YouTube and it starts right in the middle of a conversation about the word cunt. It must include over 50 uses in a wide variety including yelling it out as a battle cry.The show is Pointless, which appears above the video in a very Americanized banner that breaks up the title into point less, rather than pointless. The two hosts of the show sit at a while table in what could be a garage are speaking into radio quality microphones, complete with those rings of nylon stalking that we always see singers singing into in studio shots. They each wear headphone and look more like a morning radio show than an Internet couch show.I believe this is all intentional. It’s almost like watching Howard Stern interviews than Jimmy Kimmel.As I watch the interaction on the split screen that toggle between close ups if him and her, and a wide two camera shot that looks just a little better than webcam hosts on tiny chat or Google hangouts.It strikes me that it in entirely conceivable that these two are not in the same room, or city. They have made an effort to match the all white sets, but we never actually see them together. Their show could be done with guests in any white walled room in the world.Unpause.      Ok, at some point during a later conversation in the show, after pandering the the mostly attack of the show fan base, Kevin extends his long arm across the desk into her camera shot, proving to septic with obsession disorders like me, that they are indeed in the same room, or at least beyond reasonable doubt.Unpause.How would my life be differ if. #42I spent my Saturday at a house garden BBQ party with 40 people between 10 and 70 and I knew only one. As a depressed participant, I panicked and wondered how soon I could escape. This was short lived stage 1. I next started to walk around, Facebook a bit, chat with the staff, and sit alone writing a sad blog.                          CrimeExplorenetParty JeffVe been trying to determine whether I’d be happy with my current mood if I were forced to stay thus way forever. I’ve lived for a few months in a happier place, helped by a dosage of Paxil. Recently, this has lessened and although I’m certainly not back to where I was, mood wise, I’m certainly not happy.I have frequent sad spots each day, and whenever I take the time to think about it, I’m actually depressed. I can’t make decisions and I sleep a lot. I’m not motivated to do my work, which is always a bad thing.Today I am at a big house party, 45 minutes out if the city at a country home in the middle of nowhere.The ages range from about 13 to 65 and I know only one person here, but she knows four. I find myself dropping to my old habits and feeling all alone. I am sitting in a shared area far from everyone else, typing this, rather than mingling. My friend is off on a nature walk with her other friends. I could have gone, but they the of shared memories.I don’t mind being alone. It’s nice here in the shade, people watching. O tried to blend in BC join a conversation, but my happiness No confidence from the Paxil are no longer here. I lost that.  IrregardlessSmile comes throughCall out stories?Servings? What are?Webcam or video for desk exercise or pics in PowerPoint Fast humour and anecdotesPraise and thanks. GoodNever tell me my mood. SallyMeditation doesn’t mean chanting or spirituality. Ohm isn’t needed.

  ; googley googley googley.They remember.Story theatre.You tell us a story from your life or work, and we act it out with depth.Bvbr 130Turning off a friendship.I’m so sad that I may have to stop being friends with somebody, just when they need it most. Although she’s 28 or so, her life had been fairly sheltered for much of it, living with a not respectful partner since she was 16 or 17. Her family life was equally non supportive and she’s really been out and about having fun only in the past 8 or 9 years. She hasn’t had a normal upbringing ingredients, and social contact came later in life.Now, when she needs help most, after her partner threw her out without support, she’s gone a little stress crazy. She’s learning how to live in the world, but with pride in her intelligence, and oddly afraid to accept advice or assistance without criticism.In all my life, I have never had a friend as difficult to converse with. Upwards of 50% of what we talk about has been the conversation itself. We discuss how we talk to each other, and what we’ve said so much, and a great deal of it repeated from the last time. This has increased recently, and almost all we talked about today was what we talked about today. I M constantly told I am doing it wrong. I M not being nice to her, in her moment if need. Every comment is evaluated and reviewed, and I am instructed to apologize or stop. To change.Before this new transition, I often found myself pre thinking conversion walking lightly on pins and needles around her. Now I am told it’s not enough.I try to relate, and offer help, but I am shut down at every turn, and told I don’t get it. I should stop trying to help, as she continues to explain how hard it is for her.In life, we can always control how we react to what people say, but when we try to control how our friends talk, they tend to get upset. It is especially frustrating because I recognize much of her symptoms and understand more than she ever let’s me explain. She denies some clear obvious signs because she feels she knows. I remember how shocked I was when my therapist told me some things about me, but she won’t go for help.So I am stuck watching my friend drown without grabbing for the flotation devices I throw at her. At out lunches, we end up crying – – me out if frustration and her out if exhausted emotion. Everything I say is somehow offensive. It’s ruined my day. For hours I’ve been home worried about her, only able to wait it out and see how she ends up. I respect her enough to be optimistic she’ll figure it out eventually but remember how hard it was for me, and I’m still trying, nearly 30 years later. I was almost where she was at 28. Jobless and homeless and crazy. Meds helped. It took 5 years to get that help.Sigh.Pickering only New, Leblanc golf courseComing soon last onlyLaser jet pro mfp m127fwCommunal project hobbyIf you remember watching early season of the TV sitcom; Seinfeld, then you may remember, most episodes started and ended with Jerry doing his stand up comedy act, using vague references from the episode, presumably answering the age old question,; where do you get your ideas.I do the same thing in my life to some extent. I blog, or talk into the camera about all sorts of topics, and occasionally end up with business ideas. Today, while blogging about rape culture and Chelsea Lately, I came up with the idea of overthinkers anonymous. A group of people who are like me, and often overthinking about things. I live much of my life over thinking things, and echo a mental narrative on things I see, like a directors commentary track on a DVD, at least when you have the actual did and not a torrent.This space me a third idea to write about. The root idea.I have a dream, or perhaps more if a wish. For the purposes of this blog, let’s reframe that, and refer to it as; the project. You see what I did there?I have lived my life, with the disability of a mind that is, like everyone’s, great at some things, and not so great at other things. Starting a project and seeing it to completion is not one of the things, experience has taught me. I come up with ideas, and partner with others who can get things done. I have been happy to pay for others to do what I seem unable to, both technically and physically.In 2014, I started a lot of change. It was my 50th birthday, and it appears that no drinking or smoking has kept me in good health, despite so much sitting and eating. I started a new plan, with mental counselling, some meds, and a new way of organizing my tasks. New Jeff was created.I want a new project. I wish to be a success, of some level, for my writing, ideas and personality. I believe my stories are of value. My idea, is to create a whole new concept. Not quite a kickstart idea. A communal project management. Seek out interested parties with skills. Many people with smart brains are finding themselves with free time. Stay at home spouses looking for a hobby… A project to keep them sharp and helpful. We’re not asking for full hours. As little as you like. A management team and all the parts we need to fill.A site that assigns you a hobby when you join. Pick from a list.In my dream, we can test it. I pick a web site project. I need;Director/manager            Over thinker…….Over thinkers anonymous. Blog sharing. OriginRules are for suckers.I consider myself a good person, for the most part. I do what I’m told and comprehend that rules are created for lots of reasons. The purpose may not always me sense to us at first glance but rules and laws usually serve a purpose, and so I follow them, which in turn allows me to feel good about myself.I break some rules, as many of us do, like driving up to 20km over the posted highway speed limit, or occasionally indulging in recreational activities the laws prohibit, but most rules I follow.Sometimes it makes me feel like a scmuck.DepressionWhen you break an arm, you have a reasonable expectation of healing. Your doctor will tell you; X weeks on a cast and will get all better. Most illness has a time line if sorts.I’m currently in the middle, or somewhere in my time line of depression. I’ve been here before, and I’ve been happy before. I’m aware it won’t last forever, and yet I have no indication of a timeline.I could be happy again tomorrow, or I could go on motionless, listless and tearing up at any given moment for days or weeks more.I’m missing work, and letting people down, but with no way of letting them know how long my unproductive mood will continue, and so I end up digging a deeper hole for myself by making promises and commitments. I say things like; I’ll get that done for you by Monday, with full and real expectation that I could. The task is seldom a difficult one, at least not for normal Jeff. Normal Jeff would have done it by now.But on Monday, I’m still stuck staring at my computer screen with thoughts of nothing. A mental block I can’t explain to myself or anyone else. An inexplainable block. I cry, or sleep or otherwise do nothing. I have let my client down, and myself down, and that doesn’t matter.The blank mind fills with all the thoughts now. What if it never ends? What if this is the new me? I can’t focus and work. I can’t accomplish anything. I’m a loser. I’m sunk. Hopeless. Lost.Nap time.Edit : writing this made me cry a bit.Part2One if the side effects of depression, is that even the fun things are less fun. Sadness creeps in and effects me. Making decisions becomes hard because both choices have negative scenarios. I can’t predict a happy future when I’m down.Or I can, but I don’t believe it. I do enjoy happy times, occasionally when other people come before me. My internal instinct to appear happy and share it spread my good mood takes over, even if it’s fake. I can act happy, but that isn’t the same as bring productive. Once along again, my mopy mood returns and I stare at the ceiling.Blah.Pot quickiesI used to say that pot is illegal, because conspiracy theories make sense.But in the right pit, great innovation is released. Ideas.America isn’t leading anymore. That great nation isn’t t star anymore. Their pride is frequently unjustified, and even mocked outside her walls and borders.The truth is, we might all benefit in glorious and unforeseen ways, if smart people, and inventive imaginations all started to smoke weed.In the past, and still very much in the present, is that recreational pot is illegal, and that makes the buying, possessing it, and getting high from it are all risks, many successful and professionals are not taking. The risk isn’t worth it.However, one can’t deny that the stoner mindset is different, and some people just open up and think different. We believe that our ancestors and many mind altering tequniqyes were not only legal, but in many cases, in everyday society in much the same acceptance as alcohol. Many drugs were in everyday use, like cocaine and heroin, even prescribed by doctors.Our past was high, or drunk, or both.The government may just have figured out we have to stop making it illegal if we want great minds high. A new world if innovation, imagination, and invention is coming. The sooner. Like in thev69s with the dye and peace signs and… If I’m lucky enough, maybe even free love – on ecstacy.But I digress into a false memory.Getting America stoned could actually be the greatest thing they’ve ever done.Until the toasters go missing at least.End of part 1Amy mondayAdmitSmiled                           Tablet app. EasyFunny things, catered to each drugPage content that may even Fuck with youStoner chats, moderatedLive chats with activitiesGuided chatsSolo or groupPorn catered to each drugShared and rated stoner friendly linksSex with stones escort and free dateibgHypnosisComedy studio based on your drugYouTube cgannelsFull network programming, catered to each drugRavesStoner on qebcamsPlex and Roku channelPop up video for stonersChurch of 420Stoner infomercualsStoned datingTaxiPizzaPauseandBlogPerception.I’ve been watching a TV show called perception, which in many ways is just another in the long line of buddy cop shows that have come along on the past three years. You’ve no doubt seen at least one pairing of police, or FBI or CSI and their helpful, off the books consultant. although Monk and Castle ND The Mentalist may be among the most famous, both cable and network have been putting experts to solve crimes for the officials for years.Having both expert and novice work together in TV land gives them a reason to have to explain the stuff we might not understand otherwise.On Perception, the expert helping the FBI is an Ivy League professor of psychology, but also a schizophrenic, and the delusions and voices he hears, usually help him solve the case. It’s an odd three way dynamic with an imaginary muse.In this series, there is almost always an opening scene or two where the good doctor is in class teaching a lesson, coincidentally similar to the case he’s on, or about to be. It’s a little like how Seinfeld originally opened and ended with Jerry doing stand up at the top of the show, and an extra punchline at the end, which were supposed to indicate to us, the answer to that question every comic writer gets; “where do you get your material?”I enjoy these sequences on Perception because it’s a field I’m fascinated with. The brain. His mini lessons are actually educational. In today’s classroom, he starts by asking a student; what have you done with your hair? It doesn’t matter how your day is going, often all it takes is one of hand comment to ruin it. This is so true, and one of my qualities I’m working on. Joy can be crushed by another, with simple words, often not even intentionally. A question can begin a doubt loop that breaks your confidence and exposes it as a lie.Of course, this is almost always just in our head.The next one he utter is what made me pause. “That’s because our brains are hard wired to remember the negative interactions better than the positive…”Can this be true? I had to un-pause just a bit more to learn. The rest of the scene git more technical as expected but he’s talking about unhappiness being a choice, which is close to my writings and theories. I just didn’t know it was chemically and instinctively an uphill battle. I just though it was me.In some ways, having physiology to blame means it’s not my fault.Thank you Perception. Your scene may have changed my life.Jeff Goebel              NOT A SENIOR CITIZENStory play notesPolitics. change your mind

• Tv
• If returning from a vacation, or even a day out, the evening recap will be the negative aspects. What didn’t go well.
• The problem was, I didn’t detect it early enough. The influence of my mother’s stirues has deeply effected my life. My mother filters her life story with the nagative. You might say, the dark side.
• If they were describing an event, either could take the lead, and describe a person, but the contrast in styles frequently were cause for an interruption and discussion about apposite memories. It would totally disrupt the flow. Often, stories were finished by my mother, after my father had stormed off.
• As for stories, both my folks were adiquate, if not above average. As a child, I was often witness to my parents social skills. We hosted 2 or 4 parties each year in my house. As I grew, I got to stay up later. My mother was really into theatre, and had Co founded a community theatre in my home town. All our party friends were from that community, and so I was witness to many profession story tellers.
• I also remember how much he loved food. Everything was awesome. I didn’t learn turkey was supposed to be moist and that pork chops had flavor till I was almost 30, when somebody else let me try their version.
• I got to like happy dad. He was always the best person in the world to give a gift to. He seemed to genuinely enjoy anything presented to him, which I probably abused as a last shopper. When your father goes over the top excited the same level for a new coffee maker and a macaroni portrait, you tend to spend less.
• These are my early dad memories.
• He wouldn’t even yell at me as we worked together on electrical, carpentry or car projects. It was my job to hold the flashlight or the piece of wood. Eventually, my a. D. D would make me unruly or distracted, and I’d either be allowed to walk away, or I’d run away because if yelling.
• I think my memories of my youth, include a father who mostly yelled. He would try to be pleasant. He’d often play as much as 10 minutes with us on board game night, before walking Way in a huff. He’d be pleasant for at least 30 minutes on our long car drive camping trips.
• As I am forcing myself to remember, I strongly suspect my memory is wrong. The happy daddy of my memories is out of sync. I think that is newer dad, after retirement, and health scares, and therapy and medication. Late life dad.
• I remember my father as a paradox. A happy man, who could flip a switch, and lash out in a fit if rage. To me, he had two states. Happy or angry.
• My mother and father were excellent examples of how stories can change your personality. The two extremes. Of any shared event, my mother would retell all the negative stories, and my father would tell only the awesome excellent stories, for the most part.
• Stories, post Kelly
• The debate class
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• Jeff Goebel
• I wonder if the driver is somebody’s nephew.
• In the preview I watched tonight that inspired this, I saw a distracted man testing whole driving drive over his dead body before the credit roll. A meaningful public service announcement built into the DB reveal. That’s great. They’re finding a way to make them less useless.
• I probably should have come up with more youthful examples to try to regain my stance that I am not a senior citizen. Oh well.
• Can you imagine Tom Hanks being directed by Woody Allen discovering a teenager who was pushed in front of a train on next week’s episode of NCIS.
• I think it might even be a neat marketing ploy during sweeps week to have a more famous name director do the opening reveal scenes, perhaps for a whole evening or week of reveals, or maybe theme them in stunt casting and shared scenarios.
• For writers, I have to believe they would welcome creative ideas for this part. It’s totally less important than the show plot, and could easily be farmed out or even freelance purchased.
• The share volume of random and unrelated body reveal scenes must be difficult to keep coming up with. I wonder; do directors and writers buy and sell those scene scripts separate from the show? It seems like a perfect opportunity to separate the entire scene from the rest of the production. An amazing opportunity to give guest directors a chance, or pay back favours by casting your brothers daughter. Whenever I see a fresh new face in a DB reveal opener, I wonder if it was a gift role.
• My mind likes to think of the off camera work behind the scenes and I’ve often wondered about the opening reveal scenes. Most shows mix it up and have at least one or two episodes without one, but for the most part it is a murder show staple. I say murder show while others probably consider softer wording, like cop show or detective show procedural. There are just so many outside the defective base that the only word that describes their commonality is that they’re all solving murders in one way or another. Wow, TV has a lot of death.
• The opening sequences have a wide range, and quite frequently don’t have anything to do with the rest if the show. One of two random people in their everyday unrelated lives just happen apon, dig up, witness or otherwise discover a dead body. As actors, they get the private of a speaking role credit, despite having less than a minute on screen time.
• Far too many shows on TV these days open the show by revealing a dead body. Almost every show in the late prime time television spot opens almost every episode by revealing a dead body, for which then have an hour or two at most to solve.
• Today I watched the opening pre-title scene if a recent NCIS episode. Yes, that makes me old, if you believe the online chatter than NCIS is this generations’ Murder She Wrote, watched only by seniors. I’ve been a fan of the ensemble characters since season 1, but this blog he nothing to do with the show. It’s more about the genre of the DB reveal.
• TV inspires me to pause and blog often. I used to enjoy watching TV with someone, so we could pause and chat, but now that I live alone this us my compromise. I share with my blog.
• Pauseangblog.
• Mental Icarus
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• Drivers dd service
• Stoner friendly escorts. Yes I know I said that twice.
• Stoner dating
• Stoner Dragons Den kickstarter
• Screen savers for acid heads
• Regular TV with Master science theatre style stoner comentary
• Video chat stoners
• Reality tv
• 2am is prime time for stoners
• Weather catered to each drug
• All the drug movies ND dkcumdntaries
• Trip guides
• Fetishists parties with stoners
• Stoner friendly classifueds
• Live voice conversations catered to each drug
• Big buttons
• Full long shows or hosted content catered to each drug
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• Chat goes shoas
• Forums
• Freaky effects
• Has everything each drug stoner needs
• Web portal for people who are stoned
• Biz
• Or is that just a dream of mine alone?
• Right?
• Litte has been said about those people who suffer as friends of people from mental illness. Not enough has been said about the horrible situation many people find themselves in every single day, year after year. As a person with friends who are depressed, I’ve had enough. It’s time to speak up – to take back the Facebook news feed and not take on the world, or even our Facebook friends. It’s not our problem.
• BUT WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS?
• 1226 954067 tuebl
• The end of part 1
• Zeppelin : writing cheered me ip. A shot of pride. I’m fragile now. Best to stay to happy thoughts.
• Where was I? Ah yes… I’m not against the idea of reviewing gifts. I just hate having to react. My memories are of the bad and hurtful reactions. I didn’t hide my disappointment. I must have been he’ll to shop for.
• Zeppelin, I find it Ironic that, as more of our citizens are losing their memory as they age, on direct proportion to the idea of photography, and captured memories have evolved. When our youth are old, and that may be in their 120s or their 40s depending on how the future unfolds. Today’s youth, old will have access to their memories digitally, but not in a science fiction brain saver, but in absolutely free photography. Everyone has a camera and everything is being recorded. Quite probably more than we can even imagine.
• Now let me be clear. There is a huge part of me, that like almost everyone loves getting free stuff. Any gift is at minimum, a surprise, a story, and a memory. Throw in a Pi turn, and you can revisit it every year on the anniversary of today.
• I have somehow managed to work my reputation into one of a guy who doesn’t do gifts. At all.
• By the way, I made that watch up, so it’s even rarer.
• A gift you spent $400 for and a trip to Kingston to get.
• Reacting to a gift that is less than you’d hoped for, expected, or asked. To be polite, whole looking at a card with no funny punchline, and a lottery ticket, and pretending to be thankful, to the friend you just gave a 1975 Shelby blue and white watch, that he bid on in May, and lost by $7 by some last minute autobiography machine.
• On the other side of he coin, I don’t like to give gifts, and especially hate any situations where we might exchange gifts. The pressure for my obsessions is taxing. I can be in a foul mood for the whole season. I am the bridge of smiles and stories, and I know the feeling of a perfect gift fail, first hand. I do not wish that stress on a friend.
• I remembered the negative stories.
• Invariably the gifts reviewed were not perfect. In many cases, because my expectations were far from reasonable. I had friends with higher income. I was almost an only child with no cousins, so my circle of gifts was smaller. In hand site, the reality is that I did quite well. It’s only my memory, that remembered the negative stories. The failures.
• So, like a normal boy, or man, I have a wish list in my head. I want to believe my gifted know me. It would be so glorious a feeling if one of them got me. Knew what I wanted, or asked. My imagination may even have gone negative and scenario imagined all the wrong gifts too.
• My mind pre-imagines all the options of the things I want, but for some internal mind game, I don’t tell anyone my preferrences. I don’t like to ask. I don’t like rejection, or No. I don’t like failure.
• One of the issues I’ve had, as an obsessive mind that overtones every scenario of life, is regarding the idea of reviewing gifts. I have very few memories of receiving gifts, where I enjoyed the process. That is one serious imaginary memory deficit. I’m saying I don’t enjoy getting gifts, but I mean, I don’t enjoy the way I react. I never feel it’s tight, because gifts are other people’s control, and are seldom perfect.
• The gift of gifts
• Goodnight Irene.
• Cheap or barter. You could do it for free if you do the garden or fix the washer, or cook.
• Idea: how many people would like to spend 2 weeks in a different house, for a whole year, or five years. Houses in your city, one by one, or in rotation. Flexible. 1 week or 2 or 3 in one spare bedroom, and 1 in another or ten others.
• Share a room mate
• Was optomistic
• Writing helped
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• Jeff goebel
• I guess maybe make rape culture isn’t real. I’m the one that over thinks.
• Whenever I see something so ground breaking important inside a segment of a comedy show, I seldom see press backlash, or even notice the following day.
• Each joke being told, as if Tim McGraw, or whoever he was, wasn’t a real man with real feeling. A real man, probably being told about this HUMOUR THE NEXT DAY, OR FINDING out via Twitter. I honestly can’t imagine the world going crazy if four panelists discussed it the same way if was his wife; faith hill, that was violated by a fan. The shit would hit that fan.
• The shock however, was that these four people, who actually differed in their opinions of severity, every single one of them made numerous jokes. I’m going to make the comparison now. Ready? How would that have been different if a guy stuck his hand up a female singers dress? You may debate how that is different if you choose, but it’s hard to see a hand on a penis in tight jeans, has to be considered an assault. If I remember, making out over the fabric is second base.
• She’s also getting a bigger audience on your show, which is win win, no matter how crazy she gets.
• I even think she may want out of her contract now, as she openly admitted to a petty theft shoplifting case she just performed, daring to be caught. She might even enjoy a little jail time. It’d be a good third book story. Anyone who has had to continue working after having been fired is always the worst or the best time of your job, depending on your attitude.
• The topic was either spontaneously slipped into the show as a live diversion, live on the spot, or it was an incredible sneaky plan, to get a hot topic past the producers. To be more edgy than they’re allowing, knowing she has a contract only for a few more weeks.
• Apparently, country star trace Adams, or similarly named singer, may have slapped a women audience member because she was pulling on his penis while he was on stage. This statement leads to many varied reactions. Luckily, the show offers just that, with four funny smart people now begin expressing real reactions, with punch lines.
• I was a little surprised just now, as I paused my PVR reviewing of last night’s Chelsea Lately. I experience a rough approximation of how some women react to rape discussions in comedy. Currently being referred to as rape culture.
• Rape culture for men.
• End of excitement break.
• People to learn what we need to monetize or market a new version of frogstar
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• Golf course
• Golf course estate homes. Delete text stuff. Call only. No floor plans
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• When you pay back a debt, make sure to make a story of it. Say or do something that will be remembered. I like to give myself moose ears with my hands and gon
• Create a story to be remembered.
• The Ironic top to this story: the webinar’s topic was how to relieve stress in the workplace.
• We all hate to be judged and evaluated, even in those cases where we are not, and it’s all in our heads. Deep breath. This kind of stress is fiction. We’re making it up.
• This was not a pretty sure to this otherwise calm and in control lady. I did not appreciate being put in the position of blame and comfort at the same time. Horrible things were said. It reminded me of my own insecurity and fears. The fear I’d judgement is not just for the well and people with low self esteem.
• We joked she could do a seminar next on how to lose your mind. Step one: agree to do a live webinar online. Step 2: have your computer crash on the software needed to do such a seminar.
• It reminded me of how funny celebrities can be. A small stress can be blown up and so out of proportion that simple tasks seem impossible. She wandered the halls talking to herself, trying to regain the peace and tranquillity she needed to perform. I made comments about celebrity riders, and she’d soon be famous enough to demand a certain tea in her dressing room and no negative energy. I told her lies to comfort, like; “I read Meryl Streepe still has butterflies before a performance”. I do not have a clue whether this is true.
• Today however, I was witness to her behind the scenes transformation into a complete basket case. Although she has spoken in front of people for years, the act of doing a live presentation on the Internet was stressing her out, and as some technical difficulties arose, she panicked and started freaking out, both at me and her administration assistant. I had come prepared for such failures and had four fails are plans for alternative solutions, but most were not needed and we were back ready to go live in a few minutes. Still, I was told, I had ruined her day.
• As part of my work as an IT support guy, I get to witness a lot of different things, and today I was helping to set up for a live webinar to be broadcast to hundreds of recruiters around the globe. The lady doing the presentation is a long time client of mine, and I’ve been serving her computer needs for over 20 years. I’ve always been a fan of her, and the way she has run her own business for so long, weathering hard times through downsizing, and then expansion. She’s a Survivor.
• On my final year, I dropped switched from being on stage to being back stage, and found all the same enjoyment, and participation, and friendships, without the stress of actually being seen or judged. I got all the good aspects of community theatre without the stress of performance.
• I was reminded today of why I gave up acting. I was never a star or anything you’d have heard about, but I did participate in every school drama that was available to me. In grade school and high school I was both the lead, and chorus in all those school plays like Bye Bye Birdie, Superman and You’re a Good and Charlie Brown.
• Celebrity Jitters
• Outside sleep. Cool
• Control panel. Click PowerPoint after
• Fascinated by visual food
• Things you think are crazy work for others. It’s your mind set that needs to change and things will work for you too.
• Reframing. Ha today. Lesson.
• Polls are fun. Asking questions is helpful because we’re not alone.
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• Mouse may bevisible
• Videos online
• 4 stress tips or 3?
• Stress cancer too
• Getting ahead.
• Lessens as you flow.
• A lot of um/you know. You need to work on that. It’s every 3rd word sometimes.
• This life isn’t fun. It’s bearable at least.
• So I sit, typing, watching, waiting and feeling, not only alone, but with the added paranoia that I look odd and outside to others. I’m not smiling, contributing No having fun.
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• Change the % and change the world.
• Dumb or smart, people break the law when they believe the risk % is lower than the reward payout, often cash, drugs, debt or life threatening reward.
• Would more people commit a murder if the risk of punishment was less. Many people stay away from real serious crime, merely because the risk is to high. I always assume the risk is 100%, so I don’t think about crime as an option. Some obviously still do, and most would say they didn’t think they’d get caught. They had a perfect plan.
• I wonder what life would be like if we only enforced crime sometimes. One in four. One in 100
• And more. Our system is set up to allow some crime and not others. It would break if we enforced some of them.
• Ah. I just added to the list. Stealing cable, downloading torrent song, shows and, movies, sharing Netflix or memberships. Running a cracked copy of your OS or software. Keeping found items, destroying money, making a prank call, using online Clipart,
• Wait, no. That’s was going in the wrong direction.
• Crime can win.
• We are all criminals. Jesus and Santa teach us that spreading lies as the truth is OK. It’s the story that counts.
• There may be a few Virgins out there that don’t smoke or drink or drive and have never gambled, but I suspect not too many.
• Drugs are yet another area where the numbers of people who have willingly broken a drug law to get high, or get a fix, or to pay some bills is higher than you may guess, not even taking into account how many may lie on such a survey.
• Sex too, is often a crime, depending on how it was arranged, but people continue to do it with regularity.
• Serious gambling is another addiction, many people call their own. Gamblers may get to a point where your life gets blurred, and you become a criminal, willingly to solve a problem.
• The same is true of parking convenience. In, any cases, parking rules are not so absolute. If you have the cash, it may be worth $60 to park where ever you want. It’s a gamble with enforcement that favours the player, not the house. One of the only gamblers where we usually win, despite the fact that the law might be right, and we are wrong. It’s still a win.
• There are two rules – – no, laws that the majority of us break almost constantly. Traffic laws, and vice. The system has me the penalties for both, within reasonable risk. We know we may get caught one day, but the eventual penalty is worth it. We risk driving 10-20km over the posted speed limit every day, but it somehow seems worth it to get somewhere a few minutes faster, when we probably won’t be caught, but even if we are, the penalty is one we’re willing to fight down to a value we’re willing to accept.
• Pain go bye bye now.
• Zoned Out
• I won’t make the choice whether to post this or not till later.
• Blah.
• Stare into space. No choices.
• This drives the depression, because even the choice to get out if bed is harder than just staying in bed. Standing means whole new array of choices I’ll have to make. The obsession stops me in my tracks. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. Do nothing. It’s easy and you can’t fail at it, unless you stop and do something.
• One of the worst side effects of depression is the crushed ability to choose. To decide between a or b. Binary disability. I can’t enjoy things because I can’t make decisions to accomplish things. All sides look bleak from my cave. I can’t decide what to watch. I can’t decide what to buy, where to surf, what to read, or even what to eat. I look at choices with flailing emotion and no choice stands out. No feeling.
• Can’t decide
• End of excitement.
• If I had been mentally healthy I’d be doing such events with an actual girlfriend, with benefits I’d hope.
• In stage 3, I mingled more with my friend. I was introduced to everyone as her boyfriend, so I acted like one, except without the romantic part. In hindsite I actually wonder whether anyone noticed we were not acting in love.
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• Pause.
• I like that word. I’m bringing flabergasted back.
• Unpause
• As I Unpause and watch her tell her version of the story, we share her huge smile and I remember the joy of learning a new cool thing, which temporarily over powers the embarrassment my brain fills with about not knowing it previously. Learning new obvious things always comes with guilt, and fear of looking stupid. It really is fun discovering new facts and knowledge. A pleasure.
• The part of their story that made me pause and blog however, was when Alison starts a “true story” about how she only learned that narwals are real creatures. I smiled a big smile, and passed. I share that story. It was only last summer that I learned they were real. Sea unicorns are real. I was flabergasted.
• The two talking heads are familiar to me, and this might help to explain why I continued to watch long enough for the conversation to get a little like a show. They introduce themselves as if we’re friends, which makes me believe their audience is mostly fans of the Tech TV channel G4. Kevin parara and Alison Hyslop.
• Pause
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• Justin Beaber had it right. “You smile, I smile”.
• Or at least I do.
• It ca also mean pleasure up to 11, or max + a bit… infinity +1. A lot of pleasure.
• a new idea is exciting. It actually feels good. pleasure +1
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• EoE
• Sorry… off tpic zepelin.
• For a glloobe as big as we are, and as different as our governing planet-mates, it’s surprsinbly similar we all are. We all agree on some things over time. Numbers and dates and measurments were vital o the world success. We all said yes.
• If people like me, they’ll tell their friends. Expansion through social interaction, in person or online. They way our parents did, vs the way our kids do. (Which really only refsr to my generation because others who read this in the future may have their own infinite loop of generational gaps. It’s the way we set the system up.
• So I say No. Expansion? No. Promotion? On No!
• As a boss, it’s been hard for me, because unless you’re asking, I’m not working. I only do what I’m told. I don’t know how to do the telling… yet.
• Saying Yes for money. I can get that, I can do that, I can handle that. Yes.
• I choose no change over the unknown. Some people do not. I had three jobs in my life. The first two I was creativly fired from, and the third I stayed at till the company changed and started over, 15 years or so. Since then I have never had a job. I’ve just made money supporting people.
• I adapt very well to change thrust on me, but I fear it so much, I usualy say No.
• Better means people, and people mean stress.
• I weight my risks to strong. Nothing can be good enough to risk losing the current position I have. I’m content. That’s better than depressed, and I won’t risk that for better. I don’t do well with better.
• Essentially, what I’e been looking for. My brain sabotacged my own success. It said No. It always says No.
• I missed an opportunity for a real partner. A real relationship.
• Now I’m in the position of feeling annoyed she didn’t do the job well. She gae it an equal low priority, and it was helping to keep her motivated and busy because she wants reasons to be out and alive and enjoying life, instead of doing grunt work for me.
• I can’t recall the other example I had come up with as I began to write this down. It was equally bad.
• Later, I similarly dismissed it as a low priority. In my head, I was helping by giving her busy work. She had just recently been retired from her family’s declining business as it closed. I treated her unfairly like an unpaid intern. An illegal position in my area.
• I added the 15 years part just now, as I retold the story, but it may have been implied in the original exchange.
• I talked of how her help was appreciated, but it wasn’t a super important job anyway, and before her it wasn’t getting done at all… for 15 years.
• I was asked; Can I help, and I got excited about having a partner to work with… and then time and time again, openly demeaned her help at every turn, without even knowing I was doing it.
• I can be a schmuck at times, and not realize it. I was recently, and in my head at least, it should have had some impact on a relationship. The one I was a schmuck to.
• Whops, I did it again.
• I suppose peoplem can watch wrestling BECAUSE they know it’s fake. It’s actually more entertainly to watch people ACT wrestling than be in actual crazy danger. They’d never get away with that kind of dirty fighting if we cared about humans. It’s insane in reality, which makes it ok to enjoy.
• I don’t know why I like to see mindless arguments and debates. Sily thing with no real emotions at stake. Not love fighti8ng, that can be painful emotionally and/or phsically or mentally.
• A bad day can be refreshed with the right smile.
• It gave me certain pleasure. Humans thrive on ionteraction to refeul our happiness… or at least I do. We get to feel good inside as people smile, or make us smile. It’s like the sun, re-energizing you with external emotion and happiness.
• FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.
• Also a conversation re-started.. like bobbing the line with your worm.
• A mean joke, softened with a punchline.
• *Correction. Americans. (whooooooo) too far? Troll approved.
• So then I stirred the post.
• The punchline ended the debate. People stopped, realized they were being silly and absurd, and retreated to their oposite corners awaiting anothr fishing lure post by the same guy next time Fox published something he’s in favor of.
• A non sequitor punchline without setup or follow up. Just a blanket statement in the collection with posts about how we’re all evel gun stealking legislation and they’re all hicks with pickups or nutcases who have become addicted to the feeling of guns, like one would to sex or drugs. Guns can be erotic and baaaaaad. Cooler than smoking by far.
• Then I enter:
• It’s a side that media shows us only ahs two binary sides. Crazy on one side and crazy on the other. The extremes are what they show us. My friend seems to be one of them.
• I read 20 replies from both sites of the story, re-hashing the exact same arguments they did in the last post, and the previoius 6. One side says blah blah blah, and the other side says LA LA LA I can’t hear you.
• Today on Facebook I was reading a thread of an American friend of mine from youth, that still does work for me today. I am never quite sure whether he posts these messages in full seriousness, or in jest – almost like a mocking Stphen Colbert. I want to continue to have respect for him, but his Facebook popsts paste him as a conservative straight line beliver. He loves his guns and less government, and hates Obama.
• I think I’d love to be able to create Punchlijne News. Regular news, delivered with a p[unchline. It softens it for you.
• Punchline News
• Sorry, odd aside zeppelin.
• Invest.
• Remember to 1. I should hit up my successful friends as if they were the Dragons Den /Shark Tank.
• People helping people.
• I am thankful we’re not there, but it is fun to ponder and dream of a way to make these stories used.
• If we had a two year punishment system. First offence, counselling, training and employment, and second offence, you vanish forever. Nobody sees you again.
• I have often pondered what would happen if we changed a few things in society. It wouldn’t take much to make law, or absolute. Google could arrest a billion people tomorrow if they chose, or apple. Police have the ability to stop crime if they chose. If we allowed laws to favour the system and less on human rights.
• The Internet just shows us there are more of them than we expected, and they’re often the happiest people. Ignorance really can be bliss. The more you know, the more work it is to ignore, and be happy. Ignoring the bad in the world creates a guilt defence. It’s actually a chore to block that out and smile.
• But society has a place for everyone in the puzzle if society. We invent spaces for everyone. Paying for art allows creative people to profit in the society as well as the thinkers, the doors, the assistants and the chores.
• We are learning how much of society are stupid sheep
• We are learning about injustice and class
• As we, one privacy, we eventually grow to be a more aware, responsible society.
• How society evolves
• INSTAPLACE is Foursquare with pictures. Well DUH that’s so much better.
• I can’t explain why.
• I’m not knocking how that may be valuable to some people, but I usualy go where I want with a plan. I just want to check in when I get there.
• In the minds of the excutives – this wasn’t good enough. I guess people were not paying, and so – like so many Internet great ideas, there was no way to monitize it. I’m not sure I was ever given the chance to pay for the app. It was free, so it had t evolve, which for me, meant it had to stop doing everything I wanted it to do, and start doing the exact same as every other location based app in the play store. It told me where to shop, eat or dance within a walking distance of my current location.
• It was fun, and I have no real concerns over privacy issues. In fact, I was dissapointed with Foursquare for not letting me view my past history for each place. It would telkl me teh last time I visited this particular McDonalds was last March, or if I’d been here 4 times this week, but I couldn’t look up anything deeper. It might have told me this was my 63rd visit, but it didn’t jusdge. I could not haoever use it to see if I was there with a secret lover on October 16th.
• Places I’ve been – or are.
• Foursquare Replacement
• ITunes ringtones
• Bungee zipline
• Note: do not laugh at them when you’re in the same car.
• If you drive with a yeller, you know what I mean.
• Of course I’m not befitting real traffic ass holes and idiots. A lot of people crash and die because of careless and bad drivers, but the most common road rage you witness is lane changes and minor offences.
• When you think about the idea of road rage, you can’t help but agree it is absurd. People can jump from zero to 11 in the blink of a brake light, and turn red and bust a vein, because of something so minor and commonplace as a turn without a signal.
• Zeppelin side thought: hardly anyone rolls the window down anymore, and certainly not any Lexus driver ever. Another old term kids don’t understand.
• I drove the rest of the way home with a big smile on my face. It’s not that other people’s anger specifically makes me happy. I’m not enjoying theur mystery at all. I’m mocking it.
• She says; what was that all about? So he goes around. Jeese.
• Next, she actually rolls down her window to talk to me, her witness. My smile has made us friends.
• She then notices me in my car, holding back my laughter with a big smike. Our eyes lock and I now my head as if to say; Some people. I always agree with both sides of any anger fault. It feeds the fire to agree.
• The lady in the Lexus, although clearly in the wrong, became enraged at the trucker for getting angry at her. She started waving her arms in the air, as ragers are known to do, and silently screaming at the driver, as he swerves to avoid her and speeds away in a huff.
• Now the idea of a truck honking is not too gut busting by itself, although almost all horn honking is funny to me, but the Hilario is part was the woman’s reaction.
• Zeppelin side thought: cars should have two horns. Nice No angry.
• The truck in front of me lost his cool, and honks. Not a toot toot notification honk, but a full pressure lingering rage honk. A honk that was an audible swearing.
• This is of course, a complete normality to any regular driver. People take two lanes to make right turns all the time. However, and this is where I get to the rage that us funny to me.
• This older lady, maybe in her 60s but with a fresh salon quality haircut is turning right onto the main roadway I’m travelling. There are three lanes going our direction, and the right law she’s turning into is free. In a moment, we detect she isn’t so skilled, and her right turn will need more than her lane, but also a wide margin spilling into ours.
• Thus all started this morning while on the way to an onsite client visit, I was driving through the rich area of town where people only drive high end cars, or they’re the service industry.
• The funniest by far is road rage. An irrational anger thrust on often undeserving travellers who either made a mistake or just happens to be in a place inconvenient to your plans. Road rage cracks me up, and if you let it, it’ll make you laugh too or at least smile. Seeing other people blow a stack over something so common and normal is just plain silly.
• It can be hilarious. My definition of rage is spontaneously irruption anger. Most rage is an infuriation at something, and quite often it isn’t real or close to worthy of the rage.
• This aversion to anger has given me a unique perspective to seeing other people’s anger and rage.
• I have always avoids being angry, so I didn’t lose control and become loud. I lived my life forgiving and giving in to avoid a fight. I have sustained reasonable success.
• Since before I can remember, I have hated anger. I grew up with a loud father that had a temper. I feared loud. I still do.
• Rage makes me laugh.
• In any case, I committed thus morning in my 10 second video to writing about how funny anger us, so at 740 at night, sitting outside the Toronto fall fair midway, I write this.
• Writing a blog everyday is a different project than occasional blogging. The responsibility to sit in one place and just write is new, and on day, its already become an irritation. I knew I’d grow to hate it soon enough, but I expected to get past day 4.
• Rage is funny.
• Tomorrow on your Sunday I’ll be out on  Saturday adventure.
• So I alternate as schedule permits and sometimes I have my Sunday on the Saturday, like I did today. Today is Saturday for everyone else,  but I Sundayed it up, doing very little. I went and bought some meat and veggies at the market, and then just stayed home inside all day watching movies and TV. Relaxation. Sunday.
• I don’t work a regular job. I don’t leave my home to earn my income, so there is often no difference to me between a Tuesday and a Sunday. My weekends can be any day I want, but I still choose to celebrate weekends with everyone else. Neat things open on a weekend,  and since I don’t have a real hobby. I enjoy street festivals and fairs and other walk around events,  and many of them happen on a Saturday or Sunday.
• Perhaps laziness isn’t the right word. When done right,  a Sunday isn’t about being lazy so much as just setting aside a day to not do the stuff you do the rest of the week. For those of you that work 5 or 6 days a week at a more regular job, a lot of Sundays are filled with hard work. I’ve seen people with hobbies or the urge to build spend every weekend remodelling a basement,  or rebuilding a car,  or offroading into the forest to hike a mountain or shoot a deer.  The point is, to many people,  Sunday is a very active day.
• I like the idea if Sunday, even if it isn’t actually Sunday. I often post on my Facebook wall that “I am Sundaying”  as an expression of laziness.
• Sundaying
• None I knew are prime minister yet.
• There were actually fascinating to observe. The good at everything guys.
• If you lucky enough to be a success your first effort, get ready to be disappointed.
• A I think one of the greatest rules of success, is to be second. To let somebody else first. Leaders must be followers first
• You go first.
• Good at everything guys
• Word on the street
• Web ads
• Email info
• Youth liason
• Face off
• Programming
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• You get a paper list or a web app. Find as many things. Post
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• I may have failed at being heterosexual
• I may have failed at being gay.
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• We no longer produce enough oxygen from green
• Adventure game text input like voice for games. Old school text
• Convention nerds need better mingle tools
• Single looking, single dtf, likes star wars, likes star trek, need friend etc. You buy one 354 button and never reveal why but others can wear them too and share the chart. If you find another 354 or close enough, you chat.
• Convo starters
• If all politics moved online, every crusade would be equal.
• Free inspiration. We all blog about a quote, title, tweet or image. Challenge
• Ssoometimes the movie is about the book and sometimes the book is about the movie
• I’d rather be a pot smoker than a criminal. I hate that I’m both
• What are the qualifications of; ma man
• Tube free tp.
• Last comic standing unfairly screwed rodman. The mind blow of loss thrown at him. Then ha. Surprise
• Hash tags and google
• 52 States. Mocking americans
• Webcam life
• SHARING IS HAPPINESS
• Facebook is a personal focus group we trust
• Job smooth is odd. I can’t believe a focus group would like him
• Morning life is so different.
• Hard to correct somebody who is so seldom wrong, they assume they are always right. You look to correct them.
• Google phone helped me do research whole blogging
• Tip credit. I feel cheated when the waitress doesn’t see my tip amount
• Tipping on free meaks
• Why are public restrooms gross?
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• The question is, will this silliness impact whether people
• Ok, as the episode continues, I can respect it as a nerds suspenseful action show, but driving a Ferrari at 200mph down a runway while an airplane fly 40 feet above you for 8 seconds so you can connect via a network cable to download a fresh copy of the plane OS without the auto updated bug is just silly.
• I could be wrong of course. I’m not in the league of genius. Maybe they’ll love it. Maybe it’s the best show ever reflecting what it’s like to be a nerd.
• Unpause
• as I watch more, I see that all the other characters have equal demographic followers that will be irritated by the inaccuracies of lock picking, math, electric power, psychisyry7snd more.
• Unpause
• I’ve already seen 10 things that are not realistic in this show, and I’m only 15 minutes in.
• Kidding aside, I can’t help but wonder who they feel a demographic of reasonably unattractive nerds is appealing to. I understand that they can’t make nerds beautiful, or nobody would believe they were nerds, even on today’s nerd friendly society. However, true nerds may be bothered by a show like this, on many levels. One some levels, nerds don’t like shows depicting nerds able to do more than reality allows. I know I was just an OK computer guy, but even I had to always tell my mother; No mom, I can’t do that.
• I witness some Computer mumble jumble fake tech talk and pause. I wonder how long this kind of creative technology in TV will be acceptable. Back in the 80s, most people still didn’t have a home computer, so when we saw Mathew Broderick talking to one, we believed it. Today, we’re pretty smart about what’s possible, and when a hacker goes into a restaurant and connects his computer to the camera feeds at the airport, some people may still think it’s possible… But when he hits ctrl-c on a flashing Blue screen of death Windows XP box and then goes back into the computer to solve the problem, that’s too far.
• I’m watching the premier episode of Scorpion. It’s a federal agent crime drama where the lead characters are a group of super smart, uniquely talented under 30 year olds, recruited by a mean wrinkle face loud fed. I’ve just paused part way though, so I don’t know all the details of how the end up repeating it every week. So far, they’re just interested in saving California from 50 falling airplane that a software bug has caused a communication problem.
• Pauseangblog: Scorpion
• Confidence is hope
• Fear of confidence. What if I’m wrong
• Fear
• Pride looks back
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• We are men of science, until it fails us.
• I wonder if that was for my benefit. It’s the dirt of thing I’d do if I was ever witnessed picking through garbage. Making me think he was on a deciding quest reduces or eliminates my impressions th at he’s a homeless garbage picker.
• I just walked by a man fishing through the garbage cans at the local plaza. As I passed he quietly spoke to himself; there it is.
• Homeless fake out
• shampoo
• Combs
• Where do I sign the petition?
• But NEVER to these single sheets.
• After the first day, and people steal the rolls to take home or overflow the bowl for the fifth time I’d probably also switch to crap.
• If I owned my own Tim Hortons, or any place with a public restroom, I’d buy the same for my customers… At least week one.
• In my home, I buy one 36 pack of thick, almost plush high end toilet paper. I live alone and stand to pee, so one package lasts me almost all year. I buy them when there is a sale, and pay less than I would if I bought 36 rolls of crap wipe (pun intended).
• To many times on life, the innocent are inconvenienced by the assholes. They ruin it for everyone. This is why we can’t have nice things. Especially in the bathroom.
• I suppose the idea is, people won’t waste the time it takes to throw a mass wad of them in the toilets. It’s easy to pull a roll and have 300cm of thin paper tabs spin round and round, but it’s effort to pull that many out one by one. It takes time.
• However I really thought I’d seen the last of those tissue dispensers. The Kimberly Clark metal single sheet crap wipes. I hadn’t seen them in years, replaced by all sorts of rolls.
• In my experience, the public are pigs. Unimaginable disgusting animals that don’t like to flush, but love to fill the toilets with wads and wads of whatever hangs from the roll.
• Why is the world always so out of sync with my view of comfort. O font know anybody that likes those hand blowing machines in the washroom. They’re loud and they don’t dry my hands. In the stalls, I’ve had to put up with gas station quality rolls before. Wipe rolls of all kinds from bad to worse. Coarse textures, see through single ply, no visible dividers. Nobody cares about bum comfort in public restrooms. I get that.
• When I finally made my way back inside, making sure to lock the door behind me, I discovered a relic from my youth. Something I thought had gone extinct a decade ago. The single serving tissue style wipe dispenser. Yikes.
• Instead, I decided I could hold my urge a bit longer, and so I went to buy my donut. I realized this meant I would have to take it into the room with me, but it would be in a bag, and reasonably safe.
• I pondered for a moment why a man would choose to not lock a public restroom while he was inside. I can’t remember ever having entered one before while it was occupied. It’s not like I would have sat down to shit while he was there. It was clearly a one person room.
• “OH.” I said with some surprise. “I think I’ll wait outside.”
• I walked in the door, and before the cute attendant had the chance to greet me, wisked off to the side and opened the bathroom door. The unit was a single restroom with the toilet directly in front of me, and a urinal off to the side. To my surprise, there was already a man standing at the urinal, back to me.
• It’s a wonderful day, and so I parked my car in some shade with a nice view, and proceeded to the nearby Tom Hortons. They serve amazing donuts, and even though my appointment was including a meal later on today, I really needed to go to the bathroom, and I do love Timmie’s donuts.
• Today, I had some spare time sitting in my car, because I have arrived for my appointment early, so it’s a perfect time to reflect on some of these. Luckily, two such blogging situations arose for me just now. The universe provides.
• The interesting side effect of blogging daily is that it changes how you view life at least a little. Ad I observe the world around me, I constantly view blog worthy topics. I witness things that I should be, or at least could be writing about every day. The world is an awesome muse, if we let it be.
• It’s been a few days since I sat down and started writing again. I had a good streak there for a while, but without obsession or guilt driving me, it’s easy to ignite and do without.
• Bathroom blogging
• If Villains have cops on the payroll, do cops have Villains on the payroll?
• Bvzk
• Back by
• It makes me happy to hold it in.
• I absolutely hate this kind of loud noise. It must be nearly deafening inside that little cubicle stall.
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• Wherever he goes, he break the timeline and something evil happens. When Rose broke the timeline huge bats appeared in the church. Its like that, except every time every place. If the doctor arrives something goes wrong.
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• Like a rush, each and every 6
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• The secobf6 greatest pleasure of life, is feeling a great smile.
• South Park may be the best show on when it’s first run
• The sex rewsrd
• People don’t grow a part, they’re just less tolerable without the sex
• Fact of life. We put up with a lot more shut, when we’re getting sex, or great sex.
• Gifford1 Bruce debb
• I have yet to collate the mood vs weed. I had a pretty great 3cweeks minimal weed. Then I take camouflage 2cdays before Vt erapy
• Effects
• Day 2 was difficult, but I kept it up for a while. Not all my
• After a month or so had passed, I decided to try a writing goal, in much the same way. Give it 100 days, accompanied with the daily 10 second video obligation, and a written entry on my personal blog web site.
• Apparently, my obsession medication had at least successfully helped me in nor obsessively needing to complete the one a day video project.
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• Tp
• Comb
• Meds
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• Adapt
• Change
• Fear change
• Season 2 he works with a team.
• End of part 1
• Any one of them can pull the lever.
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• Rules. General public must never ever remember Loops
• Invite fan fiction episodes in this universe. What would you do, with a repeatable day.
• Season 1 can have running g characters if popular.
• He leaves it behind when the say goes perfect after a loop.
• Cool logo.
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• Zeppelin.
• Then he invites him to come to his lab to be told how he found this out.
• World has to be reset every night by hand. You have to advance the day in an old me animal clock. An old man stops a 17 year old on the street and tells him some very personal stuff.
• That’s my story.
• If you think k about it, doctor who is in the perfect situation to “groundhog day” any situation. He had repeat each event 1000 times to get it right.
• Doctor Who might cheat.
• End of part 2
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• I need sucking up. Happy thoughts
• I am proud of who I am on many levels, but as a beginner, I need a healthy level if praise and encouragement all along the way.
• To change my declinng coast, to a slight incline at least, or a balloons success.
• I only remet you again, but I still like the idea of trying. I need to create my own ways to react and interact and create my own next life chapter.
• Norman. I ask you honestly, are you still funny?
• I had an idea. I’m enjoying life for the first time on decades, and I want 2015 to be a year of significant change for me. I am sending this invitation to discuss doing something fun together as a fun experimental side project.
• Norman
• End of part 1
• I still don’t fit it but I’m trying.
• It is the most welcoming group of completer strangers that you’re likely to ever meet.
• You’re in. Welcome to fandome. Here’s your ticket, a star trek pen, a star wars patch, a firefly shirt and a one ring.
• Oh yeah, looks cool.
• Galaxy Quest
• I imagine a cartoon where a man is waiting a big TV in a store and another man walks by No asks: What this?
• Hell, you’re welcome if you’re illiterate too.
• Misfits are as welcome as anyone else, and it’s best feature is, it’s easy to start a conversation. The ice is never in need of breaking. It’s OK to talk about TV, or movies, or comics. The group I am with, happens to cater to fans if literature in the science fiction and fantasy general, but all are welcome if you read.
• Random is an amazing community, and far and away, the easiest. You don’t have to anything to fit in. You don’t have to like sports, or theatre, or sing or dance. You don’t to play an instrument, or be good at math. All you need to do is like something.
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• I look forward to 2015. I hope to be asking for things to improve my life.
• 2014 was an amazing year if change and growth. 2015 is starting off better, in mood and happiness beating yes of acceptance and contentment.
• I don’t celebrate birthdays so much, but I love new years, new months, and even every Monday. Each is a do-over. A new beginning. One of the qualities of many people is to start projects and leave them Unfinished when you lose energy and momentum. Fresh Mondays ate perfect restarted.
• Today is January 1st. RABBIT. It’s is the fresh beginning that I love so much. A clean slate for improvement, with the only task, to be better of in December than today. To not decline. Everything else is gravy.
• I need to write my own story, and stick to it. I am who I appear to be. One guy, not two. The negative guy is fiction. He doesn’t exist in the real world. He’s just where my mind wanders while pondering decisions. He can be a consultant to my choices, offering the opinion of the devils advocate. Like listening to that side of my brain, and the white side, to make a good decision.
• The more I think about it, the more optimistic I become, that I can overcome my own self doubt. I tell my own stories, and I am closer to the man I pretend to be than I give myself credit for.
• I’ve heard an expression that there are no truly smart people who are happy, because we understand the world sucks, and we have to live in it, but some people have the ability to care selectively. They can sleep at night knowing awful things are going on everywhere. Our brains have to allow that, or Wed all go nuts.
• Ike’s and respected, mostly.
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• Any meeting
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• Bad wolf graffiti
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• It can’t just be me
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•  This moment in the film, very acid
• The best story tellers, win.
• The story is reality. In more ways we can undertand.
• all it takes to change yourself, is to tell your story different.
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• Everything in our existence is just a story we’ve been told.
• Stories make us happy. To hear, to tell, to share.
• In a different way, it’s equally fun to return to old memories, especially if they evoke emotion, or a smile. I feel my smiles, and fresh memories can be better than fresh memories because they come with more of a story.
• I have said in may previous blogs that we “fee” new thoughts with a special fondness. It’s fun to learn NE things, at least for the brain.
• Stories help us bond, even if it’s only with ourselves.
• I remember how Burger King and MacDonald’s sold burghers with songs in my youth. Have it your Way and I deserve a Break today.
• I remember the zip code for the Spiegel Cataloge; Chicago 60609
• Perhaps that’s why I still remember more USA jingles than anything from Canada. I remember Zorn’s address in Boston Mass, 90134
• One of the things I noticed about Buffalo TV over Canadian Toronto TV, is that all their small business and big business commercials have a jingle. Either a slogan we remember, or an actual tune jungle. Canadians don’t do as much small business advertising on TV, but we hardly use jingle at all.
•  Anything you can turn into a story, and retell at least once, is easier to remmeber, as long as you make the story memorable. Saying “Bob said 237598” out loud is probably not going to help you remember a 6 digit number much better, although singing it in a jingle might. I still remember more radio station and pizza phone numbers than anyone in my friends list.
• Or is that just me?
• It can work for numbers or names however. Meeting a woman named Mary can turn into a story about that movie with Cameron Diaz. When you see her next time, that is a strong visual memory. It is a pleasure remembering Cameron Diaz, if only for a moment.
• Note this isn’t perfect, and often has little or no value if you need to be reminded about anything. It won’t nag you at 4pm like your phone will.
• You can even use this story, with my permission as an introduction to spreading the idea to others. If it works for you – for anything you need to remember, spread the word.
• So — to remember things, like if you took a pill, turn the pill taking experience into a story. Don’t just take the pill, like every morning. Stand up and do a silly dance, or sing, or go; “whoop Whoop Beebe brox”. You can do anything you like, but silly works well. You turn the experience into a story. Later that day, you may not remember if you to the pill, but you wil almost certainly remember doing a handstand singing the Monty Python SPAM song. You’ve created a memorym, and a pretty cool story.
• Simply put, I believe our brain remembers things that happen, but it remembers stories more. I believe we remember stories differently, or at least more than once. We may break our arm at some point in our lives, but we’ll remember the stories you told longer and richer than the actual acident. You’ll pick a few favourites, and re-think them over and over for the rest of your life,as soundings fit.
• I have a solution, and I believe it will help a lot of people for any type of memory issues. A trick, if you will, but a part of a much bigger plan, which I won’t expose here.
• I’m at the age where I started to take some medication. A few times, despite having what I thought was a fool proof reminder system for one pill a day, I found myself twice within one week, not being able to remember if I’d taken the pill. My system failed, and my memory failed.
• Lucilly, a part of the book I’m working on is about a philosophy that actually can help, no matter how old or young you are.
• I’m getting older, and I’ve always had weird memory, and a family history of bad memoriies.
• Or is that just me?
• It’s a cute ad, but it shows us how easily a distraction can flip a short term memory. You can be watching a TV show, and during the commercial, if asked, you can’t for the life of you, remember what show you’re watching… at least for a few seconds.
• The boy makes his way to the shop, repeating Gouda Gouda Gouda over and over until something detracts him at the store, and by the look on his face, we all know he’s forgeotten. He says havarti. I don’t remember for sure, but I think the ad may have been for havarti, and through sory, they’ve associated Havarti as the boys favourite, or at least the one that we think of first.
• There was a recent TV commercial where a young boy is told to go get cheese at the nearby cheese shop. I remember they even showed a real cheese shop I’d been to on lakeshore, in case we started thinking that cheese shops don’t actually exist.
• It happens at other times too. You may have experienced the concept of repeating an item over and over as you perform unrelated tasks, so you don’t forget something.
• I hate when I sit down to blog some exciting masterpuiece, and between the idea, and the journal, something else exciting happens, and I forget the first one.
• TV pause
• Pander for shares
• Reality show
• Selkirk my ideas
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• oh. new improv. you sell the story writes to an audience member.
• I think you could also pitch sketch comedy ideas, and then an improvement group does it
• we agreed on one numbering system, although how we arrive at maths truth is simply amazing. the brains accomplishing the same goal, completely different ways.
• our story is life itself, but we’re crafted characters evolving each day.
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• whoops
• I what if the joy away.
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• I will devils advocate the shit out of you. I am good at finding reasons to fail.
• for 1000 a month, I will think for you.
• happy in with an income to pay the bills of low end luxury.
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• one week. 1000 dollars. let’s get you started. one week straight makeover. stock business models are bought and implemented almost like I install wordopress. turnkey home business models and financing, if you can pass a side pitch.
• build dream businesses
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• click or clash
• what would dream business idea, and I’ll fund it.
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• I may be wasting my agent waiting for a way to make me king… when my specially is making somebody else King.
• Zeppelin. I’m not so sure my success shouldn’t be as a sidekick. I’m happy being Robin, if I’m secretly the one doing everything cool. (grin)
• If it’s worth doing, it’s to make somebody else smile.
• I need a visual smile in my head to start anything.
• Weird thought isn’t exciting alone. There is no smile to work for.
• but that’s fine. This is still a col state to be with, with somebdy.
• I have no idea what I could do in the opublic, if it is as good as last Friday, which it would be if I wanted a month instead of 7 days.
• It’s too good to do alone.
• In fact, I can only type this because I did acid 7 days ago, so this was weak, and it still kicks ass.
• really good acid
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• 80’s nights
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• No judgment, acid trips.
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• Hire a hippy.
• franchise
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• Different 12 hour guided tour each week.
• It’s an event to be planned for, and celebrated as a memory.
• acid friendly attractions.
• Funny mirrors, distortion effects
• I and to open N acid lounge, exactly like a Wed lounge for cid
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• —
• Like close captioniong translation scripts.
• But you could sell them separatly. They just sync up and work on whatever player you’re using.
• But with filtered and edited tweets, poping up as an option during DVD rentals. Not on pirate cop… stupoid me. Nevermind. Obviously they’ll be pirtaed too.
• Punch lines galore. Like those E shows where commedians make jokes about whatever trhe show is about, cut with clips. E has two dozen of them for every TV show. I remember the Doctor WHop ones most. Punchline clip show. Genius.
• Directors, actors, trivia noyts
• Like POPUP VIDEO for movies, but shown as tweets. From anybody.
• Whooooooo! Sell twitter recorded hastgas of merit on the dvd. Allow tweets that happened live, as part of the on screen option.
• I doubt you want to read the tweets of live porn anyway.
• Watching TV with friends and strangers has always been more fun than watching it alone, with the possible exception of porn, or 50 shades of Gray.
• Since then, Jef Prompst started live tweeting Survior to huge success. IT started a movement.
• On Facebook, a hastga displays real; people’s opinions and conversations about TV shows, and Fantasy and Anime and sciemve etc. It isn;t just survivor that has a great twitter audience during their shows. It’s inspiring people to watch LIVE TV instead of PVR. TV is becoming an event again, with built in twitter VDVcometary from strangers – but also, frequently from the ecelbrities themself. Howard Stern is often credited with the first TV DVD Comentary of his movie Private Parts while it aired on network televisioon… or cable.
• Must be a way.
• One probloem… can you blok users tweets, to self-filter?
• Are people using Twitter like a chatroom. Should they, or at least, WOULD THEY?
• Start Chatrooms for the class you’re in, or the club you joined, or the friends you met at summer camp.
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• BE sure that anything awful that hapopens, people on Twitter will be trying to earn our favouries with laughs.
• shout headlines and bumoper stickers.
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• So to me, a hashtag is liikke a chat room, across platforms and devices. It’s can be used to link people together instantly on any topic, specific or general. It’s a chat room you don’t have tro be sitting in, to enjoy.
• Zide ZeppelinL What replkaced cool. The history of decent, excellent, awesome, kickass, states of being.
• It almost is, without organization. Some people know how to use Hashtags. Some people don’t. It’s actually two different conecpts in one, depending on your age, or your cool level, or whatever kids use for cool today.
• I have wriotten in the past, how much I love the idea of Hshtags, if they were used as a whole new social media platform.
• Commercial Hastags
• End of part 2
• It’s fun to learn, even at 51
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• Colbert made people democrats I thimnk.
• He refers to them all like we know them. It’s not the same. Jon did it great, and although I’m not a regular watcher of Colbert, he did a a great job too, making Republicans in a light non hate way. He tried to make us understand their mindset. It was educational, in a pure genius propaganda stunt ever.
• It tries to name drop enough, but we don’t care.
• We have no Canadian voice. No Daily show. This hour has 22 Minutes tries, and Rick Mercer makes one liner name drops that only voters who care know.
• Although technically I’m Canadian, so we have our own idiot in Power… and we don’t have the same term limit rule. Our PM is 10 years in, with majority support.
• If he says I will dammit, we’re all behind him.
• It might be worth quitting for. Instead of making jokes all the time Mr. Stewart, why not try and help?
• Hmmm… not sure how I feel about that. Even as a prank, like Howard Stern for president, could change the world.
• The peole who hate him, won’t hold it agents him if he does a good job selling Hillary to everyone, while mocking and attacking everyone – not with attack ads, but just real world news recaps.
• If Jon Stewart runs the campaign for Hillary, she could win.
• Maybe he can just be hired as a campaign manager for somebody he believes in.
• Oh!
• Jon Stewart is killing candidate possibilities already. What he says, goes.
• I don’t think Jon Stewart could win, but him in the race alone could change politics. Jon has years of training in making people accountable for what they say, and look funny when it’s pointed out, with a punchline.
• I’m to lazy.
• Isn’t that a scary conspiracy I just accidentally started. I wonder what facts we could find to make me believe it’s true.
• Only Rubicon friendly content is on our TV’s come this election season.
• They’re taking control of the media from the liberals.
• Sadly, the office doesn’t really like to deter too far from script. Elections are won on TV, in shows like The Daily show. It is entirely possible the Rubicon party had some hand in Jon’s retirement, right before the most mocked republicans in history, all the trusted mockery vanished. Colbert was given late night, where he has to be more consrevative. All the trusted serious names in late night are being replaced by starts that won’t mock rebubicabns.
• John could be a great preisdent, if it didn;’ mean he’d be shot.
• It would destroy John I think, but it’d be one he’ll of a story for the future books.
• I think the world could use a trusted democrat with common sense to office right now.
• I think a lot of people would. It’d be insane, right? less insane than Ronald reagan.
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• Jeff Goebel
• How stories change the world.
• I want to release a book.
• That is how I should spend my money.
• I should hire a book editor via twitter. One tweet of 140 or less asking if anybody would like to volenteer partnering with me on a book or more, and then work with me to publish something.
• Microsoft would LOVE them to be Winodws 10 tablets.
• It could sell tablets. You’d need a skype tablet if you have a ful time bnest friend via skype. You need your phone and other tablet free to use.
• Virtual friend circles are a neat idea. You can trade and mingle, looking for your group swaps. Like speed dating. 2 minutes to pitch why you’ll make a good friendship mcircle mate, like the social group 4 from the web series SPACE JANITORS uses. A great show I’m happy to throw a casual plug in for.
• It seemed real, and I was learning how people I don’t socialize with are.
• Nod to show that does this, just remembered. It was inspiringly fantastic on weed. Not watchable for me, sober… but on weed, I loved watching peole meract vto TV shows. It was totally enjoyable. I can’t explain why.
• 8 people chosen either at random, or by algorythm or taste. Thrown togethyer to watch a show together.
• Or – in our chat room.
• Turn TV into an event. Have TV nights in Theatres. next Thursday, your favourite sitcom could be performing live on stage in your city… or at least, playing on big screens for one night only. Shows couples watch together, as a date night.
• Watch TV together – apart.
• TinyChat clubs, could even arrange intermural type game shows to compete one group of 8 fans of HOUSE OF CARDS or AMERIcAN IDOL.
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• just like sex chatroms but for stoners who can entertain and carry an hour.
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• Frog collection
• Indeed redhead
• Benalyn
• betadraconis
• Benalin
• Benalyn
• Dwarf Western little people of
• Dillinger movie
• Clearance
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• Every sketch is mean at prople
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• I love Pluto tv
• an idea for a TV show. Survivor
• I just thought and then forgot
• It’s very educational
• Sketch comedy is finally allowed to upset or offend people
• Pot is illegal because stoner don’t watch network television.
• One reason
• I’m watching Comedy Mixtape on Pluto TV! Check it out! http://pluto.tv/#!channel=comedymixtape via @PlutoTV
• Pluto TV
• End of part 1
• I think k I’m ready.
• I just realized my legs are totally asleep and I can’t get up. If I try, I will look crazy.
• I will turn it back on soon.
• There, now my keyboard doesn’t click and I feel better, but I have to say, I really miss the sound.
• Click
• But more importantly, was I a bother to him. Yes. That is a huge concern. I decided to type this blog on my phone, but it clicks. I have they keyboard…
• I admit, I still wonder two things about the guy to my right. I hope it wasn’t life changing sad, but mostly for me.
• Side thought distract me, because pot paranoia is new to me. Attention deficit disorder is at full peak, with thoughts to flood my brain is very direction.
• Maybe I should tour.
• Too bad my new followers are all in England. Maybe I’ll be my version of David Hasslehoff only be a hit in on country.
• This is new for me. Weed Sundays downtown with Jeff.
• Ah yes. I’m new to park life, and to some extent, being high outdoors anywhere but my bedroom.
• What was I on about?
• Happy letters don’t need to be stared at. In fact, it lessons the happiness factor significantly.
• Can’t do it. I can’t think of a reason to come to a park to stare at a letter could be Nothing but sad.
• Nope.
• A bell goes off. I was thinking the negative scenario. I chose the dark path as a default. I even create sad lives for the people in the park within my view.
• Ping
• It must ha E been devastating news, and he’s here to clear his mind.
• I now see, a sadder scene from the park guy. He seems, at least by my time dialled thinking, to have been staying at the same letter for some time.
• I had fans, and they showed enjoyment. I’ve always been able to keep s. Ike’s on the faces of almost everyone I come in contact with. It’s what I live for.
• I felt it slip just a tad this morning g, as my twitter feed and YouTube channels got some love.
• He did not seek shade, or even wear a hat. As I sit by, I could not in good conscience, start blabbing into my phone for some video monologue that I’ll be to scared to share, because I’m really not ready to be famous just yet.
• He was a true Park fan, or at least the persona I’ve given him for the purposes of this story. He was just sitting in a peaceful yoga like pose, enjoying the sun.
• I was about to start, when I saw the person to my right.
• I finally found a guilt free Park where I can find some shade and do an orange shirt video. It’s a beautiful day
• Acid is effecting my thoughts because my zeppelin random thoughts are free to have full budget visuals, so I often lose my place.
• Ironically I did not partake in there. It’s not friendly to me. It was my intention, but I chickened out. No, I chose to get high for free without paranoia needing to be involved.
• Bongs and vapourizers for rent or buy. Strictly BYOB rules enforced.
• I have been walking a few blocks from a park near a weed store in Kensington that literally allows it’s attendies to get high in theur back area.
• I had taken a one hit from a stealthy cigarette one hit pipe. I had previously been puffing on my Pax while subwaying into town, to get as high as I could, which wasn’t all that high because I’m on the final high of a binge, and the high dosage of acid and MDMA have little effect, but they do enhance the weed effects, which I am now experiencing.
• I couldn’t do it
• This side thought brought to you by, I have to pee.
• I may never understand.
• How can pride ever be associated with leaving a bathroom stall any worse for your stay.
• Is it a game?
• I don’t know what percentage of people destroy public restrooms, but in my experience it’s a lot.
• Less offensive than pay stalls with no upkeep.
• Starbucks is leader in public restrooms for profit.
• Starbucks should market as public restrooms available for me minimum purchase
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• Smiles change me
• My problem is, if you really get me, and we click, I will fall in love, really fast
• Of I decide to blog again, on a weed Sunday like this, I’d rather do it with somebody. Preferably, somebody who pages my “Click or Clash” philosophy. There is a right combination for me.
• It’s other people that can turn happiness into failure.
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• Website in stats
• Dan website
• Masquerade cards for halls
• Ad astra
• end of part xxx
• good night #1
• its been quiet. the kids are out of the jello tree.
• ruin the free ones so true fans need to buy, unless they brake the law, break?
• swearing and being crude has replaced a local dj taklking over the ends of that song youre trying to tape.
• i keep remembering that is just how its always been. some people are famous because of lyrics that can make the news, or gets bleeped on radio so youll bye the mp3 on itunes.
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• i have created my own alternative, and it doesnt really evolve.
• so i dont date
• its too much pressure in my head, without any clue who to be for you.
• online or not, i only shine if you speak first.
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• it speaks during my blogs.
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• End of Part 1
• That’s my story for now. The energy has drained, and my focus is wandering the room. Time for some more TV.
• I don’t edit, really. I correct. I use my brain to modify the weird auto corrects.
• I get a good mixture of both in my writing, but my style is direct. I flow to the keyboard. I can type quite quickly with mistakes, but I do gave to actually look at the keuys. It works.
• I like that Jeff. The NOW Jeff reacting you interaction without stopping to scenario out 2 or three possible answers. No pre or post obcessive stretches of fear. I won’t think about what I said till 8 hours later, laying in bed saying at theceling.
• Then I turn ion, and `I am charming. I am me. The secret is your voice and presence has to be louder than the one in my head. I don’t have to lie to to it, when you’re in front of me.
• However, a magical thing transforms me. If you break the ice and start talking, I’ll know it’s OK. It’s not bothering you to talk to me, if you say the first word.
• I believe my entire existence is geared, towards avoiding being yelled at. I strive to be ignored and not in any body’s way. I do my best to avoid confrontation in all forms. I won’t complain until the water is knee high.
• Somehow however, the red voice inside me crushes my job, and my obsession of any situation before and after the NOW, is stressed and worrysome. I say No, because I fear.
• I am confused how I can be proud of who I am, and have confidence in what I do. To know people like me, and in some cases, have loved me. To be proud of my skills, and my talents, and to have no doubt I can make you smile. I’m a genuinely nice person who internally tries to keep the people around me happy, and living as good as life as Canada be.
• I’m still getting help trying to break free from what I have always termed “low self esteem”, and referred to it many ways, but usually as the evil negative voice in my head, located over one of the other of my shoklders. The Red Zeppelin.
• I have been writing for decades. I’m an old fat man with a beard. I’m either supposed to play guitar, or tell good stories. I’ve been practising since I was 7. I didn’t realize it till I was 40
• I have not decide which I am. I know I have a wealth of content to present, both serious and comical. Deep theories and great business ideas.
• For show, or for save.
• Those who either were, or would have been writing to themselves even if the Internet didn;’t exist, like myself, and those who are trying to be famous and/or rich.
•  There are two types of people in this world… err — two types of bloggers.
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• Twitter may save network tv
• The entire audience of any show will all be out of sync at the firs break. The people wh…. oh…. duh. there is no fast forward on the first run. Perfect. Everyone watches the commercials, if they want to interact. Nobody can twitters pool your best moments and votes.
• wow. I just realized, twitter makes people watch commercials… or maybe not.
• The red zeppelin in my brain is telling me that is a stoner idea, and won’t hold up tomorroww. I think I need a sober mind to judge.
• Imagine being able to turn on the PVR, and replay what twitter was saying about the show, in real time – just as it happened when the show was first played live.
• I think about stuff, and fill in the back stories and on screen emotions and stories that may be going on.
• However the magic of memory, is that I can watch this show, as a 27 year old. I may not know all the faces, but I like the music, and just watching people be live is fun for me.
• When I watch this show, the two hosts are under 30. I find that my view of the under 30 crowds probably compares to how a 12 year old think about anyone over 40. One age. 40+ is old, to a teenager.
• 140 characters at a time limit means we can scan and pick favourites wuickly. No essays.
• When you watch a show like this, using a specific twitter hash tag means you have instant access to everyone else atching, if they choose to parctuipate.
• Twitter changed everything. They gave us a secret hidden chat room, multi platform, mobile and international, and you didn’t have to dedicate your focus.
• A great motto by Ghallager.
• Small crowd, not many people show up.
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• There should be an app that collects all the hash tag tweets on a specific jubject, in exact real time speed.
• twitter idea
• End of part 3.
• I was never a screamer.
• I wish I could remember a time when I loved music that much.
• Maybe I’m projecting my own negativity and lack of fame onto him, and judging Jim harshly. He is different, and that is big points in the music game. He isn’t be early as natural as any of the other fake ad-libbing award presenters. To me, it showed, but maybe awkward is his niche. Love him even mroe.
• Still, I got to hear back stage stories, and photos, and early unreleased music. It was a cool feeling. I dreamed of being a part of the entourage and offered technical support a few times before giving up.
• But it’s weird, having such a close, yet far connection. I met Frabncessco. He was the one to nickname me Frogman… but I really don’t have any real connection, and I doubt he could pick me out of a line up.
• I’m not sure he nailed it.
• He seemed pale and awkward to me. His presentation was near the end, no doubt deals were made. He’s been on all the morning shows and TV shows across Canada as his first release hit the radio, but for most Canadian reels this may be the first time they’ve seen him.
• Does he have the IT the girls will love? I can’t say, but I just saw him on the Canadian MMVA show. A huge live concert award event on the streets of Toronto, broadcast around the world.
• I hear a lot of stories, but of course have no real way of knowing whether he’ll hit big, or be one of the many close, but no success singers.
• A client of mine that I consider a friend, has a 19 year son who has been starting his singing career. As is the industry, they’ve been told he’ll be a star. He has talent, and a great look. he writes, mixes and records his own music with skill. A lot of big names have participated in his growth.
• Fame Next Door
• A Man.
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• What about selling T Shirts WITH A STORY. A video about the T Shirt you could show, or a written story you could memorize, or read. It’s an interesting cionversation starter to be sure.
• Most of them were convieved while high, so at least a certain percentage will probably not make sense to anyone but me, but I sure would have bought one had I been able to.
• I have more than several dozen slogans that could be marketed as shirts and/or office posters. Some are complete campaigns and some are jjust a one off slogan.
• You both recognized the rabbit from Monty Python’s Holy Grail, so that is your opening line.
• Why not buy T Shirts that start intellegent conversations? The only people who mention the shirt, got the joke. You have something in common.
• T Shirts start converstaions.
• Combine the popularity of online T SHIRT sales because the T SHIRT is becoming a statement. It’s often the cover you’re supposed to judge the book by.
• However, slogans are returning. We’new not buying them at bthe gas station nand slapping them on our bumpers anymore. Today we circuklate and share the Facebook Posts, and the originators are making some up every day. PEople click like, and popular people are flodded with multiple copies from different circles for days to come.
• The Internet is filled with quotes on different backgrounds and fonts. We used to have to wait until we went to an old neigbours house to see cute slogans on pieces of folk art with a branded NIAGARA FALLS on it.
• It’s partially because I write on it, and that means I’m productive. Rather than watch TV, I create new inventions, business ideas — and slogans. Quotes.
• Howvere I didn;t get high every day, or even every week, and often would go… stalll… ok, maybe not so long without weed these days. I’m approaching two weeks as a longish break.
• Over the past 20 years, I have been writing journals similar to this one every time I smoked a little bit of week… or in some cases, a lot of weed. I almost always wrote when I was high.
• I collabrate very well – or so I lead myself to believe. I am equally happy taking the role of a follower, or in the lack of a follower, I’l lead… but I won’;t make decisions without conversation.
• If I can achieve some success for somebody else with more excitement than for mysewlf, because of all my hard to renove doubt anbd low self esteem. Perhaps it is at least worthy of consideration. I can be a valkuablke part of a company, as long as somebody else is there too.
• Instead of being about me, perhaps my purpose in life is more obvious. I do way better as Robin than Batman. Although I may be more like the sidekick of the Tick in reality.
• I have recently reconsidered asking some of my friends to go into business with me. Two women in my life are currently staying home to raise families, and might love a side hobby, either separatly or together with spuces and/or family.
• July 15. Weed
• Newest Business Concept
• You’re watching Match Game
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• I had another night-long dream about 5 friends who discovered they could loop the day whenever they wanted. To solve a task, they would practice and practice each stage of the puzzle, and save game at various stages. Then, re-loop the day over and over until they got it right, or quick enough. In my most recent version of the dream, after a bathroom break, they were sitting around a table discussing the rules of theirbloopoing, but some kid was loistening,l so they were talking in code, as if they were designing a video game. They discussed who could loop, and ahether all 5 had to be in agreement.  If death of one of the 5 was an obvious automatic loop, and they decided that it should not be.  Someimes a sacrifice could help the goal.
• Save Game – Story idea cont
• Stuff I really want to share
• Pluto TV is very cool tonight
• Is Benji Bronk creating a fictional personal, much like Andy Kaufman.
• The laws apply to all equally. Your opinion may vary.
• In my lifetime, my community has welcomed enough races to live and work together, racism is fading. Hate is still strong with many, but we’re not generalizing as much. We’ve met enough people to tell they’re not the same.
• You’re not racist if you hate people you’ve met. Your only racist if you hate people you haven’t met unconditionally, because you assume they’re exactly like the people you’ve met. SOME are, and it’s not racist to say so.
• Racists are doing it already. It’s harder and harder to hate a whole race these days. You might hate your Polish landlord, but the guy that just fixed your muffler is an OK guy. You might hate your nail salon woman from the Philippines, but have a crush on the cute one that serves you ice cream at the mall.
• SOME black people do look scary, and mug you. You’re allowed to hate SOME people and be afraid of them. Just don’t lump them in with your dry cleaner and office manager.
• The more you think about it, the more SOME solves everything. Mean racist angry people who spread racist hate with everything opinion, suddenly become honest frustrated people with legitimate beefs. Simply by Addi g SOME into your rants, you become a political or social activist.
• However, saying it loud makes it a little racist without the SOME. For the Chinese, even SOME is a lot.
• There are a lot of white looks too. Probably less than 50 different stereotype whit guy looks.
• Assuming he is Chinese. If he’s just a yellowish guy with slanted eyes and you call them all Chinese, then that is racist. If you just thought to yourself you have no idea if he’s Chinese or Japanese or Korean, then that’s not actually racist, it’s a mental issue every race has. Other races do tend to look alike, but in truth… Only SOME do.
• If pointing to the Asian man in a line up of 10 different black people, I want to be able to say; The Chinese one… and not look for other ways, like saying the third one from the left or the one with a red coat and black shoes. He’s the Chinese one, and that’s not racist to say it.
• Why continue to hide that we want to hire SOME Chinese people because of their characteristic traits.
• It’s clear that our current system of dealing with mental illness, disabilities including emotional, mental or physical ad well as poverty and crime, isn’t fully functional for everyone either. I sometimes dream of a new world where we try some alternative ideas. Races are different. People are different. If we stop denying they are so, but still treat them all with equal respect, why not allow ourselves to admit and benefit by their differences es in public.
• SOME blacks and other races may take offence to my inference that slavery wasn’t horrid. I’m certain for SOME, perhaps even many it was, but my point was that nothing is absolute, NY the idea of unpaid workers you own is also not absolutely a bad idea.
• Without the cruelty and beatings we know about SOME slavery. SOME other slaves had good lives.
• Even I dream of it now and then.
• Correction… SOME are. There are SOME people in our odd society that would be better off as slaves. Cared for, room and board covered, and told what to do. That’s how prisoners work, and to some extent, the military. People who prefer a life of service and strict guidance.
• With a little tweaking, I could see a world where all races were able to be bought and sold as slaves for labour. We’re very close to that now, although our minimum wage earners are not living as property in their masters homes, they are working hard with little hope or happiness.
• Although it is a terrible thought, it is quite possible that slavery may have made it closer to modern times if somebody had said; let’s use SOME blacks as slaves. The problem with grouping them all together as an inferior race was that it became pretty easy to see that wasn’t the case, when black slaves were often both physically and intellectually equal or superior to their masters. If we had picked only dumb black slaves, it might have continued with less complaint. Racism was the issue, but it didn’t need to be.
• Of course, some white people can play basketball too, and be smart, however it’s certainly true that races are different. That’s why we needed the laws, to combat a somewhat natural urge to treat them as different, and all the same. This is how all blacks were once slaves. We had the simple arrogance to claim superiority and we had the weapons.
• Not ALL black people are good at sports, but there is no denying SOME black people are. SOME Chinese people are good at math, and it’s not racist to say so.
• Only a fool would deny that we are all very different, and in many ways, race plays a huge role in our cultural and physical differences.
• In this country, we are taught that every race deserves a constitution and laws that guarantee they are treated equally to every other race. It does not say anything about being equal, but rather, just that we can not treat any race less – – or more because of race.
• It’s not racist to think SOME Chinese can’t drive, or that SOME Jewish people are cheap. In every example above, people from those races would have to agree with you, and, I get even joke about it with you.
• It’s not racist to say SOME black people eat watermelon. It’s not even racist to say SOME Mexicans steal our jobs, or sell drugs.
• It’s actually not racist to hate SOME black people.
• SOME
• So when we understand what racism is, all we have to do to eliminate it, is to start using one single word more.
• It’s not the same as hate. You don’t have to have anybody to be racist, and you don’t have to be racist to hate.
• Racism is the act of treating one race with a set of characteristics as if they all were the same. Assuming a race acts the same as a whole, rather than individuals. That’s it.
• I can solve racism in this country. It’s actually a lot less complicated than you might think, mainly because we’re not using the term right.
• Racism, solved
• I may have just made a scary discovery. While high, I answered a business call, and handled it. I’ve never done that before. If I can actually work while high could change things.
• Good is bad
• The story is all that matters. People will have their own views on whether or not it’s true or faults.
• My head filled with scenarios of how people would react on that on the Internet. This show displayed comments from the various social medias and then comment on the comment. It’s an interactive way of using multimedia to talk about current events.
• When this episode I happened to see a celebrity drink her own piss.
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• Phone power
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• I don’t instantly hate Ken Jong in it, which is good, but I kind of hate him in other roles. I loved Community, but hated his scenes and storylines.
• It certainly eels more watchable than FRSH OF THE BOAT.
• It seems very punchline based, but he seems to be trying to be a good family / work sitcom. It could be good, but it’s hard to tell. It could equally be awful. The preview isn;’ t enough to decide. I’ll record it and check it out for a few weeks.
• is ensemble cast includes a sterile fat black woman receptionsit, and I have not yet heard her speak, but I sincerely hope she doesn’t wave her hand and snap her fingers. His boss is Kids in the Hall great sitcom star Dave Foley. My appreciation for him is hit and miss. I like him, but he does seem to be cast in some stinkers.
• I have not even watched the preview for Doctor Ken yet as I type this, but based on his hosting of this entire episod, I’m fairly certain it isn’t for me. I don’t like opening egotistical characters, and Ken has been overacting the stupid all show.
• Doctor Ken is a new sitcom that stars the wacky Asian from THE HANGOVER who was also the too-wacky to be believable actor on Community. I usually judge my acceptance of sitcoms on how believable or annoying the stupid character is. Most sitcoms have one… some have many. Few have the stupid actor being the main character, and very few of the make it past the first seaon.
• During a commercial break, I was fast forwarding and happened to see Aston Kitchen may be one of the sharks on Shark Tank. That is great casting, because we’ve all heard he’s some kind of tech genius and has invested in lots of business, but we kind of know him, so watching him in that environment could be fun. I stopped watching Dragons Den last year but only because I cut back lots of shows. I still love the format of pitching. I actually invented the Dragons Den/ Shark Tank show in my mind decades ago.
• I will not watch it. tension and psychopathic negativity and crime is not for me. I can’t even watch Criminal Mind.
• From the preview, the story seems to be more about the in love psychopathic serial killers, like Bonnie and Clyde. It looks like a complex crime drama that may be new and popular.
• It appears to be a copy show, but with a known serial killer adversary, so I guess we’re not trying to solve anything each week. The sow is more about the lifestyle of the 80;s and how deceives were different, but not as different as the Life on Mars cops of the 70s’
• Billy Idol plays live in the preview clip, as a classic example. The show seems to have a very rock and roll vibe. Too bad all the guest stars will have to be played by young actors. Don’t expect Rock Idol cameos from 80 year old Rod Stewart, although I could be wrong. They made the Terminator look young… kinda.
• Wicked City is a show set in the 80s’ in Hollywood which gives us some extra things to laugh at and tell our children; “Oh I remember those”. I’m not sure if we get to call 80’s shows “period pieces” or not, but it has potential to get pilot views just for the nostalgia.
• If nothing else, I suspect each episode will have several actual laughs. That’s all I can ask for from a light half hour comedy with puppets. I’ve always been a fan of puppets. I have a few on my shelf.
• It might be closer to Larry Saunders, which worked. I love the idea that Muppets exist in the real world normally. It’s better than the the way they Handle Brian on Family Guy.
• Tuesday night have the Muppets back on ABC, which I’m excited about. Regardless of my no-kids status and age, I’m still a fan. I liked the original theme of the Muppet show actually being a show, It seems this time, they seem to be going a bit more towards The Osbornes, where we’ll see a reality show of their lives. I’m not sure how it’ll work because scripted reality sows sometimes miss, but I’ll be watching.
• I’ll watch it till I find out if it holds me. I usually prefer single episode shows, but serials keep more viewers I suppose, so they’re be opening more the norm for 1 hour drama shows. Now that people have PVR’s you can actually watch every week without having to rush home from the kids football practice.
• A friendship of cast FBI recruiots, much like Rookie Blue, except with a bigger budget and more mystery. I can’t quite tell if it is serial with an new story each week, or one story about her getting blamed for a crime she didn’t commit.
• The last few years were filled with civilians and police agencies teamed up to solve crimes. Everyone from the local cop, through fictional CSI agencies and the FBI and CIA all hired on experts of various skills to solve crimes. In one, the FBI even worked with the police in a small town. Everybody needed help. It seems they may have gotten away from that with Quantico. It’s an FB show about the FBI.
• Quantico is a new series with an new hottie. Her half second glimpse in the TV commercial made me think it was actually Selina Gomez for a moment, but it’s just another hot sexy Latino.
• It also seems to have the entitled son father relationship. If I remember, this is pretty much what I remember episode 1 of the new Dallas was, but it turned very soap opera sale fast. I think this may follow that model. Sex, action, dirt and rich. Some people will like it.
• The preview starts right off in bed. A couple making love before they leave what is known, and enter a new world like romantic fish out of water.
• This show stars a few people we don’t know, and Don Johnson. It appears to be a mixture of a romantic comedy couples will enjoy, and the ruthless oil business that did quite well with the Dallas remake. It’s an hour long drama, and it’s probably not I one I’ll watch. I like Don Johnson, and would like to see him have success. I loved his cop drama barely legal with Tom Hanks’ son, but apparently, nobody else did.
• First Show Up. Blood and Oil.
• Sadly, my tastes don’t always mesh with the masses, and the shows I most like often get cancelled just as I’m getting hooked. With Today’s TV environment in stiffer competition, the landscape has changed a lot in the last few years. Let’s hope that means network TV is trying harder.
• I don’t actually like watching ANY show, except from the start, but now that I don’ obcessive so much, I think I could handle it. Still, I suspect I’l be recording a lot of pilots this week and next. There seem to be quite a few shows this year I’m at least interested in.
• I like to watch the first episodes of shows, sir even if I decide to add them to my rotation later on because of peer feedback, I’ll at least have seen the ep[is ode where they introduce everyone and their relationships.
• It’s the weekend before all the new shows of the fall start to appear on the TV schedule, and so I decided to sit down and watch the ABC Fall Preview episode. Since I started my medication Tom lessen my obcessive tendancies, I watch a lot less TV than I used to. I figure this preview will allow me to prejudge a few shows and maybe not fall up my whole PVR with the pilots.
• ABC Fall Preview
• Stay tuned for updated reviews as these shows premier.
• It certainly seems like I’ll be recording more on Global than ABC.
• To those who have seen the commercial, Bradley Cooper is involved in the production, but will almost certainly not appear in the show past the pilot.
• Limitless was a motion picture I’ve almost watched at least a dozen times. I think I’ve seen the first 15 minutes at over and over during the last few years. I just never got into it. The premises however is one I like, and based on the commercials alone, I think I’ll like it. Supreme Smart people fascinate me, and a super crazy smart guy is bordering on a super hero plot. I am sure I’ll back and laugh at some of the crazy things a smart brain I supposed to be able to figure out instantly to help Forward the case, but I hope it’s more like Scorpion, where the facts are often bogus, but not enough to break my attention and enjoyment.
• Minority Report was a cool movie, and this new series seems to have tamed down that plot in favour of a regular cop procedural. It’ll probably be more like a physic / cop team solving crimes with flash clues and hints. We’ve seen many of these before with real and fake physics and most of them were ones I watched. Medium, The mentalist, Psych and Ghost Whisperer. I should probably like this one, especially since for extra bonus, it takes place in the future, so we’ll see cool cars and gadgets and crazy tech. I miss last year’s failed Almost Human future cop drama, so I hope this is a good replacement.
• I do think it’s neat that all three shows live in the same universe and time-line. I’ve always dreams of a really cool show idea where three shows like this, or a fourth Chicago Law would air on the same night and be the same crime through each of the epiodes. That’d be cool. The original Law and Order started with that idea, each week, but it faded.
• I don’t watch Chicago Pd or Chicago Fire, so I probably won’t watch Chicago Med, but I wish them well. I do watch some hospital dramas, but this whole theme seems very real and thriller-like, so I get tense and don’t enjoy them as much.
• I think I may love it.
• Angel from Hell with Glee star Jane Lynch is a new show about a rougher than usual Guardian Angel. It doesn’t have the same Christians vibe that touched by an angel did, of second chance with Al Waxman, but I still enjoy this genre. She is here to assist PYSCH star Maggie Lawson, who’s smile always makes me smile.
• I can’t say if I’ll like it or hate it from the preview, but I’ll be watching the pilot for sure, hoping to like it.
• speaking of heros, hero’s in reborn. I loved season one of the original and was all on the Ave THE CHEERLEADER, SASE THE WORD bandwagon. I love super power human shows. I’ve watched a lot of them including the British Misfits. It’s great to see Zachery Levi from Chuck and Greg Griner from every JJ Abrams production back on TV again..
• It also stars Callisto Flockhart, which I watched through Alley Macbeal. I hope she does great too.
• By the way – I couldn’t care less how Canon the story is. I know nothing about Superior’s comic history, and Franky don’t care. Like smallville, this is about a girl living in our world.
• Sadly, it doesn’t premier till late October. I’ll have to keep waiting.
• She’s also the first real girl superhero if you don’t count Nikita. That appeals to me as well. She’s cut and fun to watch. I’ll admit to that.
• Starting with Supergirl, which is a show that excites me. I watched every episode of Small village and loved it. Although I’m not a comic book child, I do enjoy super hero movies and TV shows. This one appeals to me because they seem to have taken a fresh new approach, and her secret identity is revealed pretty early on. It seems Superghirl will live in a world where at least her close circle knows she’s supergirl. I think that will allow for a lot of humour. I know if my best friend was Superman, I’d be cracking jokes and trying to take advantage to that all the time.
• I just finished watching the ABC Fall Preview and writing a blog review elswhere. I find my PVR has also recorded the Global TV Fall Preview too, and since I’m in the writing mood, I decide to check it out. In Canada, Global TV is one of the big networks but it buys many of it’s shows from American production, so you may see shows here that span the American networks.
• Global TV Fall Preview
• jeffg
• Lost the steam.
• End pf part.
• I am confident I did not react the way the addicts did. I won’t deny it will be on my mind for a while, but I am glad to have survived it and I consider it valuable information. It certainly did make me feel good, if not high. I had energy and excitement and I actually had a mini business meeting with an old friend.
• It was starting to seem like it’s side effect is blocking sleep… but in a weird way.
• But it is my last day for this drug. Cold turkey. I have no idea what I am in for. Withdrawal could be a bitch… or nothing bad. I don’t know. I purposely didn’t real a lot of the negative. I knew it was a one binge deal. I got to sleep last night late late.
• In 2015, I am closer than I’ve ever been before. My group of friends wants to help.
• Maybe one of us can figure out a way to get one started.
• In conclusion, I started to tell a story that this was my last day, but not of life… of doing a type of drug. Up till age 51, I was content to not xperience a lot of the harder drugs. As fascinating as I was about how every different drug allowed me to think in different ways. When I set aside time to think in this way, I come up with different versions of me.
• Until you need me, and I can rush to save you like a superhero with less sills than batman.
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• I need an emotional support person.
• Zeppelin: I just got the idea of an emotional support dog just now. It clicked and I understood how it could be helpful to work to distract from sad thoughts or anixety. Just as a distraction. One that generates smiles.
• For a guy that strives to make people smile, and really only moves when it is reaction to something, I really need a partner. By that, I mean almost any there person.
• Although I am happy to believe this time it will be different, there are moments when I start to re-think the serious life thoughts. I am alone, with friends. (sic) I am alone in a crowd. There are apparently a lot of us like this, all alone in the thousands.
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• I thought orange shirt guys worked well with the slogan, but I think guys is to informal. We’re charging for a polite concerning style relationship with their guy. They can call him a guy.
• In conjunction with Orange Shirt Concierge Support contracts.
• No products or inventions. Just business creation.
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• Give Stacey b and other enough money to get Frogstar clients out safe
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• reams are vivid blueprint style sketch outlines but in great cool style, unlike anything I’ve seen.
• Don’t bully the people who are doing something
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• Apply for job.
• Alternative meet people options have a unique opportunity to hit the world with new ideas.
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• Halt and catch file
• True detectiveWork on
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• Guilt
• Asking
• Deals
• Political 2 weeks, ignore what didn’t get done, make new promises, reoeat
• Life keeps me busy
• Notice stress is sytessful
• People don’t want excuses
• More promidrd
• ZeppelinDoctor whoArrives without memory. He is a fresh doctor, not with more of his lives but with new ones.He asks herHe says doctor who?It reconciles her though.Tardis asks doctor who?This doctor realizes time Lord rules are rubbish and he breaks then all, using all the oldest tricks in the time travel paradox handbookWe learn his regeneration take the bodies of dying humans at death No that’s why they have two hearts.Business Ideas – May 28 2014 editionGiveit100.com has changed my life. If I were rich, I’d contribute. I’m not, but perhaps I canstill contribute, by doing something for them… and me.Giveit100.com forums or Giveit100.com TinyChats or Google HAngouts.Tinychat tech supportShared company with Giveit100.com 100 days of building an online business with Giveit100.com people helping. 10 seconds at a time. We can ask for help. Who has a contact hjere… there… who has a deal on shipping?The gift of a story 4Sometimes I just make stuff up. Today, somebody asked me to take their picture. I said no. I don’t take pictures. It became a huge story. He is retelling it.FetlifeI was having a discussion with a female friend of mine, and discussing how I was sad I didn’t really have any drug using friends anymore. I am a casual user of recreational drugs, or at least I used to be, and occasionally I miss it. I’d love to go places a little high now and then. She suggested I post on this forum and maybe find a new friend, but the idea was too weird for me, so secretly she write this and was going to post on my behalf.My friend is cool, as drug users might say to their dealers when meeting for the first time, offered with a wink. He likes drugs but isn’t an abuser. He stays in control, and I’d consider him safe.Jeff is his real name, because he’d find it impossible not to blurt out the truth to you once stoned anyway. He once told me he doesn’t lie about anything but his drug use, but to me, even that stuff he usually comes clean about eventually. He respects people and although I’m actually going to use the word “nice” to describe him, I don’t want that to give you the wrong impression. He is the right kind of nice. A kind, generous man who sincerely respects women and treats everyone they way you’d want to be treated.Sex isn’t his priority with this post. He’s primarily looking for some new friends that enjoy the same kinds if activities he dies, only while high, and is open to try new ideas. He doesn’t always make a good first impression but once you break his awkward barrier, he’s a great conversationalist with good opinions and views. He is likable, polite and funny. Depending on the drug, he may be a bit shy at first, and prefers to let you make the decisions but as soon as he either feels comfortable, or gets higher, he’ll contribute equally.Sometimes hell say no at first ask, but if you make the request again, he gives in. He loves pleasing people and is a sucker for a pretty smile or the right touch. Once high, he says yes much more easily.He would prefer not to do things that could end in arrest however, apart from bring high obviously.He does not drink or smoke and prefers others who don’t too, but again, once high all riles become more flexible.However, a firm no will always mean no for him drinking or smoking.Acid, e, coke and weed are his drugs of preference.Interested?The feeling of stressI’ve been seeking counselling along with a medication for my obsessive mind, and the two together have helped me quite a bit. I still tend to overthink a lot about life, the Universe and everything, but now my thoughts are more positive than negative.One unusual side effect however, is the feeling of stress. I have learned to actually physically feel when I am stressed. It happen more than I expected, and I’m detecting it in idle time more and more.A tension in my eyes like squinting in the sun, and a heaviness in my chest. I stop. I slow down. I think; is this really a stress, or a fabrication in my mind. Almost all stress is made up. We stress out over fictional problems that are not really anywhere near as bad as we believe them to be.My tendency to feel rushed, or behind. My imagination that the client will be upset with me, are all stresses I can do without if only I detect them, and breath them away.Doctors clocksI wonder if it’s intentional there is no clock anywhere within view of their waiting room or examination rooms.You don’t know how long you’re waiting if you cant see the time.ProjectsI have a few projects going in my mind hobby.My Origin StoryThe Church of StoriesThe power of Stories     I don’t start in my reality.I have to start believing my dreams can be reality, and understand I have so many, some can fail. I will always learn and improve.SO now I use the excuse they’re all too good to fail… so I can’t choose which ones to use to learn. If I proceed in error, the failure is my fault, not the idea.My brain grasps for reasons to stay neutral. To dream of what would be, and never risk. If the future COULD be worse than my present, I’ll live in the present. Thanks for showing me your pitch.It can indeed be a wonderful future, but I’ll fuck it up somehow, so I should hold off for now.Unless someboldy else thinks of it and makes a fortune, then my ideas will be there when I’m ready.That’s my favourite excuse. It’s almost unbreakable logic.I can’t afford to fail more than I already have. I’m barely affording my basement 1 bedroom apartment adjasent to a bad nbeiughbouirhood. I don’t have AC in my place, and my car has 400,000km and could die at any given moment – and probably will.My present isn’t that great… but it’s beter than the slim failure scenarious I invision as probable.”Catch ya next time” I say when you ask me to buy Apple stock. I need my money for KD and cable.I’ve used a lot of excuses over the years to say No. That is one thing I am an expert at. Weighing the risks and assuming the fail.I am pre-writing my stories before they happen. I examine a situation and think through a win and a loss scenartios and then heighily weigh my brain to choose the negative option is m ore likley. I say No.I wonl;t enjoy the party. Past experience DOES guarantee future failure, if I let it.I’m learning these scenarios are just stories, and if I reherse the negative ones, I’m more practiced to achieve them. However… it didn’t seem to occur to me till recently, that the same works for the positive outcomes.If I tip the scales with my mental finger, the positive outciomes seem to make sense, and be more probable. I am not a loser, and when I tell a joke, people laugh. I have recieved praise in the past. People’s opinions seeem to differ to the way I’ve been remembering them.I can do it.But… I won’t. That’s just motivational hogwash. I know I suuck and a cheering squad isn’t going to change that. I know they real me. The crowd of adouring fans just know the fake me I put on.,When I’m happy, I have convimnced myself, I am p[erforming. It’s not real happinesss, it’s jjust an act I play to convimnce those around me I’m happy, and please don’t ask me about life. See? A smile! No need to interact.Real pleasure is a chore.I’m getting better. I am adopting some bumper sticker therapy. Single quotes and inspiorational slogans are actually helping remind me that the world is not as I percieve it. The world is how I tell the story. It is my world, and I live in my Universe.Althouigh I don’t fully comprehend it, it provides for me. I am not at the bottom, where I used to believe I would belong if I actualy stopped fakling it fior a minute.I am here. Self aware, but also aware that my universe is bigger than just me, and I will probably never understand it, but that doesn’t stop me of discovering it also bends to my will, in many ways.Almost like Neo of the Matrix,IF I BELIEVE IT       We remember the stories.Everything in our universe is just the story we’re told, and the stories we tell.We write, and tell our own story.The story truimps reality.   I THINK THIS WOULD MAKE ME FAMOUSThe Origin StoryTo be better than someone else, you need to much worse than everyone else.Pride trumps esteem.The Origin Story  It is.Jeff Goebel’s Streaming ConciousnessThe Origin Stories NotesThis is a first draft. Point form structure. Not yet a story.You literally, can get away with anything, with the right story. A story is the truth, until a better story trumps it. A cooberated story, is legally, as good as fact. A story two credible people agree an beyond a reasonable doubt, can have a man be killed, by law. Any story, no matter how fantastical, will be believed by some, if told well, or often. Our university exists, only as the stories we tell. And the stories we have been told. Each of us choses the stories we believe And each of us writes, and pases on the stories of our life And our exoeriebces And what we’ve gleaned from the stories we remember The best stories win. The best storytellers are in power, and the leaders The respected. The remenbered The creators and keepers of the official stirue The stories our world’s are made up from The origin storues The life lesson stories Our shows Our books Everything we are, is just the stories we tell, and retell. Stories get better with practice. We partner up at work, at home, and at play, because life experience is better shared. When we live, our memories are our own. When we share them, through any form, we re-remember them, and multiply their existence. Each time we remember and share, the memory becomes a story, and as we practice telling it, it’s memory is imprinted deeper, and coming cater better. The stories take on a life as they spread exponentially. I do not remember me childhood, but I do remember the highlights, because I remember them being told as stories. I remember the stories. I remember the storytellers. When I think back to my childhood, I have vivid memories of my parents friends, and two personalities are strongest. The story tellers. In my current life, I can quickly identify the story tellers among my circles.I have often thought of the idea, of making my own Church.The Greatest Invention of all time was church.                       This means a memory trigger is a gift. The gift of a good memory – or story.It is physically a good feeling to relieve the gift of a story.Salesmen and friends give you that gift with questions. When I do onsite work in people’s homes, I always tryb to lok around their home or office and I ask them; “What’s the story behind this?” I allow them to tell me a story, and it helps to transition myself from hired hand, to friend.A good question, is the gift of a story. The opportunity to remember and spread a story, can inspire and educate a single person, a crowd, or a nation.You also get to leave behind the stories you’d rather not retell. You have that power.It can be a super power. You get to turn your life into whatever story you decide to tell. The stories are your truth. You are your storuesAs you exist, you will experience life’s ups and downs. Every moment is a possible story, if you choose to not only tell it, but remember error and recall it. You remember what you want, composed as a story, even if only in your mind.You really can spin it.When I leave a situation, I try to turn it into a story right away. How will I tell the story of this instant, five years from now. It will probably contain a punchline. What is the positive? What is the lesson.Experience tells us we learn from the bad stories, because we don’t want them to happen twice. So negative stories have a positive effect.No matter what happens in life, as tragic and horrific as it gets, in 10 tears time, the story we will be telling will be different. I choose to remember it that way now.That story replaces the memory that a drained will tell at my funeral.A negative story becomes a positive.It does however frequently annoy sobbing friends when I try to explain the concept at the wrong time.This is a power that can be used for evil. Once you realize there can be no consequences to what most people refer to as lies, your work can change to the dark side. A well crafted story of fiction you stick to has to be consideed as truth, and evil can easily abuse that. And does. People in power have no doubt made up many lies and may sincerely belief them to get to, or stay in power. Once you realize the lie is the truth if people say it is, you are unstoppable. Power is addictive and nothing matters but sticking to the story, or changing it as needed to survive And profit And cobtrolTo win. The best story teller wins, and he the most toys.April 7th 2014Seeing
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• The memory of a good story is pleasant. We feel it. We’re happy to remember
• When someone dies, we choose a good storyteller to recap their life, and they retell the top stories, good and bad to make us all remember fondly.
• Have you noticed the best salesmen never mention the product? They may good a yaught with you, play a round of golf, and then get you to sign. They tell you the stories of their life, or the life they’ve crafted for the story. The facts are erelevent.
• And he had firsties, and is on the buck.
• We remember them, and the stories of heroes of history as lessons, officially chosen as highlights to learn from, frequently equally fictitious. A better story gets more coverage and longevity. The only thing many remember about George Washington was wondering teeth, a boat ride, and chopping down a cherry tree, and apparently, only 1 of the three happened, but nothing like in the picture.
• the dark stories have as much, or more power than the light stories.
• Schools already know we learn more from stories than facts. History is made up from fantastical stories with awe inspiring magic and fantasy, like Star Wars, Tolkien and The Bible
• Counting is an infinite concept, which our stories cannot quite comprehend.
• In our universe, math isn’t even absolute. It’s just a story of counting.
• If other animals are self aware and not just communicating, but telling stories, as I believe birds do, then they have invented a different universe and this is why we can not communicate with them.
• All it takes to change the world… The universe, is to change the stories we tell. And retell. We control the stories. We invented the universe. It started to exist, the moment we asked the question, and started telling stories. The moment we switched from existing, to knowing we existed.
• Reality can back up a story, but they story still becomes the truth. History doesn’t record reality. Reality can not be saved. The story lives on. The story is retold.
• Once you understand the true power of a story, your outlook on our inverse can change. Once you truly understand the story is the truth, and reality doesn’t matter, you will never be the same.
• A happy story can change your mind. A sad story can change the world.
• Stories, shared.
• In a virtual world, it could be simply live chat rooms for your circles of friends. Tinychat circles. Your circles, with stories. Instead of TV, join a circle at 2pm,7pm, 9pm and 2am. Slmebkdy you know will be there, and entertain. Not a chat room with strangers, but your friends from the bowling league, or your knitting club, or your book reading group. Your class, your club, your office or your shop. Your team Your gaming buddies. A virtual gathering, on Google hangouts, sample. With a range of free and paid options. Guest storytellers. Sermons The story telling church. Organized virtual communities with scheduked No, 24/7 access. People you know, streaming whenever you wanted ut Or needed it. Circle of friends. COF bank Plays, music, videos, This can all be done on google+ and hangouts This is Google plus and hangiuts Circle Sharing
• Perhaps a Bank of stories. Come in and make a withdrawal. The Storybank of America.
• Perhaps Church will be a hard sell in today’s world, although I truly believe we could all benefit from a Church you didn’t have to lie to get in, and there was no secret handshake to belong. A church where we were free to eat Bacon, and express ideas, and welcome all kinds equally without biased hate.
• All of history is just the story we’ve been told.
• In my Church of Stories, everyone is welcome to make up a story, but none are absolute. Nobody has to die. We’ve since learned stories don’t have to be the truth, to be enjoyed and useful. Fantasy and fiction can educate and entertain equally well.
• Unfortunately, the wrong story, can fail you if it doesn’t hold up when challenged. If you tell a story as truth, you have to make darn sure the people who live next door are not telling a contrary story as truth, or else one of you has to die…. apparently. Whoever has the best army wins the right of truth… till you learn to travel a bit father at least, and have to fight for truth again.
• We benefit so much from community., A place to turn our life into stories we’ll remember.
•  The worst invention of all time, was religion.
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• If I Believe.
• I am told, and I choose to believe.
• My Version
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• IF I WERE ALREADY FAMOUS
• It’s time for a new story.
• The Best Story Wins.
• The story is Truth.
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• We don’t remember life,
• Even life itself, lives on after death in stories. If we left good ones, we are remembered in virtually the exact same way we are remembered while alive.
• Everything.
• It is possible to think of the negative, with a positive… and when you master it, it changes everything.
• Being sad, or angry is a choice, but so ingrained in our way of thinking, it is the hardest of all habits to break, and it’s far easier to blame genes or enviornment, but the worst situations in life, often make the very best stories, and lessons.
• Cancer is the number one leading cause of cancer. Some of us expect will will get it.
• I tell my own stories, and they becomes the official word. If I think happy thoughts, I am happy., If I think healthy thoughts, I may actually be healthly. Stress is a cancer.
• IT IS
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• I don’t fail in my dreams.
• If I commit to something, the option for failure enters. If I just dream of it, it’s always a success, guaranteed.
• Is a book the route? A lecture tour with no experienmce seems implqusable and a huge mountain to climb. A podcast or video channel could work, but it’s so anonymous unless they comment, and that can be both good and bad, but seldom profitable.
• I don’t know what route. I’m not an expert in progress. I’m not even an apprentice.
• I would like to pursue one. At least one.
• The QR Code Booth / Business
• My Superhero Story
• The Origin Story
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• He meets himself and others often now
• New doctor answers yes and is authenticated as doctor who, for real.
• She tries to authentication him. To the doctor?
• Clara can’t pronounce it
• She says the doctor.
• We learn the Tardis is voice driven but needs his name.
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• Wendy’s is one of the only places where the food looks as good as the photosThoughts
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• My bad days make me feel great because I handle them. I am amused by frustration. It is silly.
• Long lines give me time to think, and observe
• It’s amazing to watch people you respect be afraid, or weak. It proves almost everyone can be hiding.
• Think about smiling in bad situations, or rain or wherever, and how that looks to others. See grumpy people and feel good you’re not.
• Stressing doesn’t make it better. It only makes you stressed.
• Laugh at road rage.I’m just kidding.At today’s lunch, I was inspired to think about some pranks. I didn’t have the guns to do any, but I must have been in some weird mood to think of them.The first one would have been on 3 40 something ladies who came on to the fast good chain just to rush to the rest room. One of the ladies made note of the clearly posted sign alerting everyone that the rest rooms were for customers only, and the dominant leader if the group waved her hand as if to magically make the sign null and void, exclaiming we never saw that sign.My prank term imagination had me knocking on the restroom door, and in a deep voice calling out, I hope you’re going to be buying something and then taking my seat again as if nothing happened. All possible outcome scenarios delighted me.I did nothing.They got away with their crime unnoticed by anyone but me.Next up, I witnessed a foreign student roaming and take a seat at the last open booth, passing by 4 tables better suited for a single diner.      The power of stories compels youHalf baked but scene.Dave cappelA hookForcadultsBe remembered
• Conspiracy
• Sales people who tell stories stay with you till you die.
• The uncle who pulls coins out if ears is a stabdard
• For kids
• Give the gift of a stiry
• People remember stirues
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• My meal was entertaining in my mind, and then I wrote this post.
• Other group tables opened up before it was an issue, so he too escaped with no consequence.
• This prank could possibly cause a reaction that involved far to many unknown variables so again, I did nothing but imagine.
• Of course, both these options were far bolder than I would ever stoop to trying, so I conceived a milder prank, and debated commenting to him; while you were gone, that man over there came up and Licked three of your fries. It was the strangest thing.
• In my head, I conjured up two scenarios for him. At first, I thought it would be funny if he returned from his side trip to find me seated at his table across from his chosen position, either quietly eating and drinking my meal as if I hadn’t noticed his plate and drink were untouched, or even bolder, eating his fries and drinking his drink.
• He dropped off his nap sack and placed his burger tray down and scooter off to the restroom.
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• Thanks to voice recognition, the entire world voice print database exists. Digital copies of everyone’s voice, to compare against NY phone call.
• Does it make you more, O less confident that Windows announces and patches security exploits so often, and never hear if even one on Mac OS.
• We just need to accept we have no privacy at all, and get over it. Exploits have existed for decades. We just find out about them after the fact. Mac people have false confidence.
• If you’ve thought of an evil computer use, so has somebody else. We detect the decoys.
• When they invented Windows, it would last forever, and never need replacing, so they designed it bad. You can’t sustained a business selling light bulbs that don’t burn out.
• We have the economy do replace our need for fossil duels right now, but why not wait till were out first, and make all this money.PraiseWhen I scan my memories on the search keyword praise, several moments pop to the conscious. In high school, with Mr. Taylor, my history teacher that made class cool, one praised me and my team of 3 on getting the highest grade he gave in class presentations because we took a story of George Washington and the Indians and made it entertainment. Years later he told me lied, and had no memory of it, which was crushing as an adult, but I lived on that high for years. In a life of fake c- passes and the constant use of statements using the phrase, not living up to my potential.I always clung to the word potential with hope that one day I might live up to it.I was praised for singing the Lumberjack song in front of a full house on stage as opening act for the annual school play, and not craving under the pressure of my voice cracking mid song. A story I tell as the last time, anyone ever saw me sing.I am often praised by the customers I tend to, in my computer and Internet support company, and occasionally receive the ultimate praise, in the firm if reveonendations and referrals.I have no recall of praise from my parents. I’m sure they did offer it, but my stronger memories are if the let downs.When people praise me, I am suspect. Logic dictates they could have motive.The teacherAlthough my expertise is in computers and web work, I do aim to please my clients and every so often I am asked to be an expert for hire in areas I am not actually an expert. I do however know my way around computer, in a logical way, so usually I’m more an expert than my client, so it works.Today was such a day. I was hired to be this clients videoographer and produce her one-take 30 minute Web webinar. I had never looked at WebEx before.The part if the story worth telling however has little to do with the technology and everything to do with the presenter and the content, and how they contrasted each other in a humerous way.When I am in this position, I do like about my skills. I am a computer guy who is there to help, but I learn by trying, with years of experience on how and what to try. Failure is always a possibility. WebEx is an unusual format and not as logical as I would have liked. It’s designed one way, and for one function, and my client needs didn’t fit exactly. We were trying to pre-record a presentation, in a tool designed for live chatting.She had pumped herself up days in Dance, and despite telling us all she could not possibly memorize 30 minutes if monologue, she had. She was ready.We started recording and 30 minutesLife is a game, if you let it be.I have a friend who is, like me, on a quest to be a better, happier person. She had led a reasonably shelter youth, and has only recently deduced to be social, fast. From one friend to 400 in a year.But each step is a challenge to identify, adapt and pass, like knowing the old man at the gate wants to know the unpaid speed of a Sparrow. Like colossus cave and others since, you have to figure out each challenge. Each lock and secret have a sequence to discover.Life is the same, on a human level. We have tasks and obstacles and solutions. Who do we what to get it done, and level up?It is entirely possible to reinvent yourself as anything you want. You tell your story.If you believe it,   Until a better story comes along at least.If I tell a story in the forest, and nobody is around to contradict it, it is the truth the moment you believe it.I’m not suggesting you assume the identity of somebody with skills or qualifications you don’t have, but you can at least be a new you.All the world’s a stage and we are mere players.It is true.My mother almost certainly had pride in me but chose to speak her negative scenarios, and show did-satisfaction in my mind. My father would just yell, like I was some idiot that couldn’t hold a flashlight without singing or dancing or Skin questions or whatever.Nobody knew what attention deficit disorder was. I was just all over the place and nor successful at anything but creativity. Stories.I wrote my first published book when I was 16 and it’s still for sale today on my web site.I am cool.Somewhere along the way, I did nothing and ended up believing I couldn’t succeed at anything.But over and over I’ve proven I can at least be involved. I’ve been a part of many business ventures in the past.I have dreams that somehow see. Possible now.One person. One person saying yes to me instead of no, as my brain has been saying.Somebody smarter than me about me, says it’s OK to feel pride thus time.I don’t need to be perfect but I’m way better than I think.I do mental affirmations sometimes weighing where I could be on wither side of success and failures. I’m always better than I admit, but I can’t deny my down sides are real, so I use the bad to bring me down, figuratively and physically and mentally.I kill joy.However, one person believing in my hope for me, makes me believe it. I seek praise respect and support externally and a counselor scores double a friend.For me at least, I’m glad it was a woman with a smile.One person believing in me, changed my life.At least till the scared me wins again.What I wanted to say.A client recently sent me a PowerPoint presentation she was going to use in an upcoming video webinar. It was created for her by someone. I was asked to look it over and fix anything I noticed that needed fixing. I’ve never really used PowerPoint, but I said I would help where I could.I spent about an hour on it, because it was hideous. Every aspect needed help. The initial theme wasn’t used correctly, the pictures were stretched out of proportion, the spacing and alignment were all off, and even punctuation and wording needed correction. Of the 20+ slides in the document, I think nearly every one had to be adjusted. In the end, I was quite proud of the overall project.When I arrived at her location ready to shoot the video, she complained that I had changed her theme. Apparently she had preferred the broken and misaligned version. I used the partially true excuse that her background wasn’t a good choice for video resizing and she begrudgingly accepted the superior design, but you could tell she really liked the awful one.I think it’s important to the story, that you understand it’s not just personal pride that makes me say my version was better. Her version was bad, but also wrong. I am actually stunned I had to visually point out to her how the slides didn’t fit inside her themed frame. Her white pages covered the fake push pins and overlapped the sides, making it look like she stuck a page on the outside if a picture frame pinned to a wall. It was all kinds of inconsistent design in one.We shot the 30 minute video once, and then had to try a second take for technical reasons. This was apparently unacceptable and she could not do a second take. Tempers flared and I had ruined her mood, day and perhaps even her entire career and life. I began to suspect, just maybe there was more to the story.In any case, I left for the day, and we made plans to try again on calmer moods two days later. Last night at 9pm she sent me an email reminding me to be there at 930am… and had attached a PowerPoint file. I made a couple of changes, she noted, and prefer this style. It was the original version without my changes.I quickly composed a reply I did not send.Dear client.I understand you prefer the ugly non video ready version. I accept this. It was my impression you were trying to appear professional as a leader and qualified expert. I understand now that you are content with the portrayal of satisfactory.Your version delivers. It works on so many more levels than my revision. It conveys several messages simultaneously, including your misunderstanding of Internet concepts like email addresses, and your lack of attention to detail. The fact that you prefer a presentation with so many obvious flaws tells people you’re leadership skills have attained the level by which everyone under you are merely yes men who do what you say, and take secret pleasure in your failures.The fact that you ignore the advice of experts you hire for specific help, shows clearly in your preference choices. I get it now. You want to appeal to people who try to do everything themselves, rather than people who ask for, and take advice and assistance. It’s brilliant.By creating a horrible presentation, you let your viewers think; “hell, I could do better than that”, which is actually inspiring, because even a 14 year old grade 9 student probably could. At least they know where commas go and that you shouldn’t tell people to go to an email address.I am sorry I doubted you. I am sure today’s single take of your video will be perfect and I’ll be sure to use the worst possible video format too, just as you clearly told me to use last time, ignoring the fact that’s why we have to redo it today.I apologize for looking forward to your failure. I am weak.10 seconds
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• If I believe it
• Maybe I am.
• The first person I believe confirms my belief.
• One person, whom I’ve just met, but degrees on her wall qualify her to judge me and she thinks I’m cool.
• I feel better about myself. Because one person whom I respect, has been impressed by me and agrees I am good, if not great.
• Something pretty amazing has happened, and I just noticed it.
• One person
• The instinct to share my truth to receive the respect of followers is strong g.
• One might say; preachy.
• An often referred pre thought character similar to me but safe out in public. Guarded and quiet until spoken too, and prone to recent burst if over sharing.
• I’ve always joked I am most often the spectator, but the truth is, NOW Jeff is a role.
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• A story is the reality if you believe.
• Fake it till you make it, and then it is.
• You create a acar actor and adapt as required to get that new life.
• It is.
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• Banana peels
• Hiccup cureNo longer a godIt saves me to lose the trust or respect of someone. They can say they are not upset, By even believe it, but once an expert makes an error, they are no longer gods.For our early years, our parents are our gods. They provide and answer our questions flawlessly. Somewhere along the way we see them being g imperfect, and a life lesson is learned. If they fail once, the possibility door is opened and a doubt can grow.This week, I failed a customer of mine. Not in a huge way, but by making an error, we lost valuable time. I was not an expert in their eye.I heard him just now, talking to his partner in another room about me. It wasn’t bad, but it indicated to me that I had lost some trust. He mentioned he wanted to be present for any future visists. I heard him say, I’ll even take time off work if I have to.It hurt a little.It was an innocent mistake, and now I’ve added an extra inconvenience to their lives.Oh well.After Amy 4She was right. I said it was more important to me to make others happy, but the truth is I make others happy so they like me. Being liked is the most important.I did find it amazing how I put to use today’s lesson almost immediately. I turned crappy day into a good story, and laughed at stress because it was funny.  Anticipation anxiety.It looms, but I can ignore it a lot more today, than in February.I have 72 points of Articulation.I set aside time to think yesterday. Without conversation, people who live alone, don’t set aside enough time, dedicated to thought, and ideas.    Orgasm was not mared by negative thlughsForgotten a lotGot excitedWow momentsLess red devilSaid thanksDreams smallWanted to share itMuch of this is new and different.   If I believe it.  Do moreJeff will make it better  Sometimes life is like ghst     Or even Google hangouts while shows are on. You all pausenblogOr you can watch and read. Read some strangers personal pausenblog while watching a show.It’s like conversation or blogging but with a story, not a human.But you build fans.Product.   Google hangouts adds pause sync of TV.Roku hack.Plex could do it.Amazon fire, pauseConcensus or room ref deems end and UnpausePausenvlog. ComConspiracies could scare the world.The real truths could be much worse.There are a million ways we could be insecure and compromisedInventions and business ideas could be secretly stolen.Your microphones, GPS, webcams and documents could all have been read yesterday or last week.The program I use for fill remote access is smaller than a cell camera photo. It could be running and give anyone else full access to everything the moment the screen server turns black.I can do this now. You click a teeny icon to say no to a Popup and give a remote location anywhere in the world, full access to your entire computer as if they were at the keyboard. No virus program even alerts you because you clicked to start it voluntarily.It could be installed in any software you load as a back door, even without the company knowing.It could be watching you read this right now, and it could be a 14 year old kid in Washington on his ipad at the other end, or your neighbor, or the government.Or Fox News, or your arch nemesis.Or your computer guy.Or your fake fulness guy   More than a year ago, Helen page or Ellen page did an SNL skit where she was an in the closet gay. This week, so did Seth. Will we find out in 6 months he us.  SNL did sketch where Sharpton was an undercover drug deal maker. It made me think, al Sharpton shouldn’t get caught with coke. It ruins a lot of things. You can’t discredit the #1 media mouthpiece for black issues by making him a crackhead.So they make up a a usable hero back story.Unpause.Break. Post to Global ButtonClipart rulesUpdate Java -Giveit100
• Blog ideas
• I was asked by my social worker counselor to
• Perfect day
• Not telling lies. Charles going my story.
• Thought explosions.
• No. I can’t let it. I don’t share these yet.
• Suddenly the idea of sharing my writings puts them into different style.
• I had today’s appointment with a brain in a over place. I wasn’t happy and optimistic, and I don’t like being seen unhappy. I don’t like being unhappy. Like the Snickers commercial, I’m not myself when I’m grumpy. Bad. Dated reference that won’t make sense in a year.
• Zeppelin : a thought explosion of scenarios flood my mind.
• Zeppelin : I just thought of my therapist. She opened the door today by allowing and email communication. The possibility that I could share thoughts between appointments. There are so many ways to interpret that remark.
• Blog it. : likes are the online applause and praise. The head tap and the back pat. The wow, and the awe. All on one like.
• In real life, a like is replaced by applause.
• Virtual applause by like.
• It became a highlight, even when lost and failing. I created a story. A true glimpse of my life and personality through a 100 day journey.
• I wanted to succeed, for the show, as much as for real. I have become a leader on the site, in a small way. A following of people who’s interest I captured for 10 second a day. An audience is the biggest obligation of all. People who cares, at least on a curiosity level. I created anticipation and interest.
• On Friday, I was down. I don’t know if the pre obcessive worry about my appointment. To present my growth and discuss.
• I’m uncertain what triggered the change, but I crashed. Not hard, but the happiness was less. I lost the excitement, and it faded.
• On a high I’ve been running on because of men’s and optimism.
• I think I’m telling lies by claiming my giveit100.com 100 day project was a success. Although I did Mae 4 good moneymaking gigs, I did not replace my required 900 a month. I just optioned it a few months with cash, and it means a or of work.
• I had an appointment with my councillor today. I was reminded of it on Friday, while in a good mood.
• After meeting 3
• Edit. I’m going to ramble and not sure this probably.
• I feel bad, because the grmpy me was there today. I belittled the emense impact our three meetings and 3 videos have had. Huge. I’ve been in obsessive heaven with all new things to ponder, NY work in to my routine. My life, and philosophy.
• I thought I would take the opportunity to send a note to you, with a follow up report about today. I will not abuse your kindness in letting know it was an option.
• Note to Amy. After 3
• YouTube
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• Teach post to ABC/Global technique
• Post requests – where.
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• Pausenblog
• Unoause
• Why do I care?
• Is Seth Rogan gay?
• Pausdnblog
• End of part 2
• Or the van at the end of the block.
• Or your furnace guy
• Or your competitor
• Or your insurance company. Or your boss.
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• The power is easy, apparently. Your spyware and viruses are getting caught all the time, which is another way if saying, we discover new infections daily. Millions could exist in active functionality without detection. For years.
• Over and over, everything on our computers could be shared, read and used.
• Our info and photos and stories and Diaries could be nearly public.
• It changed a lot when e ouch people learned some truths.
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• Everyone paused and chat goes live
• Xbox one, pause
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• Google or any box could really pull ahead with this as an exclusive feature.
• I just consciously stopped myself. New Jeff did not reply with unnecessary negativity. The story had a happy ending so I chose to skip the bad news.
• ……..
• All Internet TV system adopt a way to socially sync play and pause between Netflix. With tiny chat, any group can agree to watch. Anyone can request a pausenblog conversation.
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• I do DVD commentary on shows I’ve just watched.
• Commentary reviews from the middle of a show.
• Pausenblog, Com is where you come and live blog TV.
• My site can be a big thing.
• Pausenblog.Com
• The hook remains.
• Carlo used to talk to me while in the stall. Other times I’d walk away. He liked the captive nature. Now I often think of him as I shit.
• Shared 2 do
• Community
• Goal accomplished, lazy way.
• Join con Com with Daniel.
• Everytime you tell a story, you put another coat of shellac on the memory. Whatever keep things forever if you lack is a brand name
• It is.
• My affirmation
• Thoughts
• The title of this message was inspired by the very final words of a naked newscaster. The naked nerd.
• I am new and different.
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• Had bope
• Dreams big
• Gave tribute
• Pride worthy
• Several mind explosions
• Remembered some great memory stirues
• Discovered a lot
• Weed high has positive zepplins
• This Saturday was chosen.
• Shared.
• That’s are my stories.
• I do from time to time, on a little bit of weed.
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• Will this happiness end?
• Other shoe on hold.
• I’m 50,and these are my stories
• Pride word
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• I wonder if procedural shows let first time directors handle the opening dead body reveal scenes
• Do people buy scene ideas
• I often wonder which extras that get useless line credits are favourite or sex castings.
• Wealth buys silence. No open windows, thicker walls. Separation from others. Quite cars. Privacy
• My book
• Book 2
• Book 3 this time it’s pdrsonal
• Serious book
• Book. The power of the story book
• Star wars is the bible
• Every 2100 years, the new age comes. We change religions
• Everyone gets a try at a new origin story
• Changed my life. Tablet, Facebook, smart ones, ebooks, star trek conventions, BBS,
• The people in my life
• My Facebook birthdays
• Drugs
• My PVR history
• A story a day.
• My friends passive agressive
• My friends start with 10 respect poinfs
• My best friend ha only 2 left but I still need a best friend
• Anhways
• Room ruin. Both have 2 friends I’ve pissed off about
• Hearing grammar from a friend is hard
• 1 respect point
• Harvey’s washroom door locks easily when you exit, you can do it by accident. I wonder how often it’s an issue all day No nobody knows.You can heal your lifeThe idea of this movie, by the words before the credit scares me a bit.       He can be imperfect. He can not care what others think.I wish I could.I have always tried, at least in my minds intent, to not hate. To not blame, to not deflect blame, but in the moment, I know I do.My upbringing was negative. My training.Interesting words about praying / affirmation tense. Pray or speak as it is, not how you want it to be, or in anticipation.  I’m not.I’m good at easy things, but even easy things need hard prep.I would be a success at many things in the prep was done for me.Fear to curiosityWhat we believe has nothing to do with what is realChange what we believe and we change what is real.If we don’t believe something is real, it isn’t.Go’s doesn’t need us to believe to existSomebody who does, gets the benefits we miss out on.My conscious mind loves me.My conscious mind knows that and gives in to its wisdom.   The more you say them, the more layers of paint help you remember But I can lose respect.Happiness is easy. I am coll   Its convenientI still struggle with my worth and value by comparison. People are out of my league as partners.#244Jtb4You are not your fartsRobin hood politicsIn the 60s,this blog might have got me called a commie, and blacklisted.What if, we could change the world, just by raising the minimum wage?What would happen if shifty jobs paid well.Smart people generally don’t want the s***** jobs.But if we paid the shitty jobs as well as the better jobs, smarter people may consider them, and innovation would propagate a whole new way. Never underestimate the laziness of the smart people. Less smart people can be equally innovative in their ways to allow for extreme me laziness, but often with less resources, because the shitty jobs pay less, and off less resource.If, for every dollar more we paid the minimum, a dollar less we paid the high end, the prices wouldn’t have to raise as frequently.Lower end jobs would the on a more synchronized level if respect.Politics are too much about being elected.I believe that the Conservative party is so concerned about reelection that they could make pot the entire deal. They are running negative attack ads against their opponents, 3 years before an election can even be required.I believe, it is possible that weed related negative news, and possibly even crime, will increase in that time. Arrests will be made. Laws will be changed and enforced, because the opposition made a remark pro pot.You literally, can get away with anything, with the right story.A cooberated story, is legally, as good as fact.Any story, no matter how fantastical, will be believed by some, if told well, or often.And the stories we have been told.And each of us writes, and pases on the stories of our lifeAnd what we’ve gleaned from the stories we rememberThe best storytellers are in power, and the leadersThe remenberedThe stories our world’s are made up fromThe life lesson storiesOur booksStories get better with practice.When we live, our memories are our own. When we share them, through any form, we re-remember them, and multiply their existence. Each time we remember and share, the memory becomes a story, and as we practice telling it, it’s memory is imprinted deeper, and coming cater better. The stories take on a life as they spread exponentially.I remember the stories.When I think back to my childhood, I have vivid memories of my parents friends, and two personalities are strongest. The story tellers. L it takes to change myself, is to change the storiesI can be Remington Steele, and walk into a fiction.My quotes are affirmations.Biz idea.Storybank of AmericaTinychat circles. Your circles, with stories.Slmebkdy you know will be there, and entertain.Your teamA virtual gathering, on Google hangouts, sample.Guest storytellers.The story telling church.No, 24/7 access.Or needed it.COF bankThis can all be done on google+ and hangoutsCircle SharingStories, shared.A sad story can change the world.Once you understand the true power of a story, your outlook on our inverse can change. Once you truly understand the story is the truth, and reality doesn’t matter, you will never be the same.Reality can back up a story, but they story still becomes the truth. History doesn’t record reality. Reality can not be saved. The story lives on. The story is retold.All it takes to change the world… The universe, is to change the stories we tell.We control the stories. We invented the universe.The moment we switched from existing, to knowing we existed.If other animals are self aware and not just communicating, but telling stories, as I believe birds do, then they have invented a different universe and this is why we can not communicate with them.In our universe, math isn’t even absolute. It’s just a story of counting.Counting is an infinite concept, which our stories cannot quite comprehend.Schools already know we learn more from stories than facts. History is made up from fantastical stories with awe inspiring magic and fantasy, like Star Wars, Tolkien and The Bible the dark stories have as much, or more power than the light stories.We remember them, and the stories of heroes of history as lessons, officially chosen as highlights to learn from, frequently equally fictitious. A better story gets more coverage and longevity. The only thing many remember about George Washington was wondering teeth, a boat ride, and chopping down a cherry tree, and apparently, only 1 of the three happened, but nothing like in the picture.And he had firsties, and is on the buck.Have you noticed the best salesmen never mention the product? They may good a yaught with you, play a round of golf, and then get you to sign. They tell you the stories of their life, or the life they’ve crafted for the story. The facts are erelevent.When someone dies, we choose a good storyteller to recap their life, and they retell the top stories, good and bad to make us all remember fondly.The memory of a good story is pleasant. We feel it. We’re happy to rememberThis means a memory trigger is a gift.It is physically a good feeling to relieve the gift of a story.Salesmen and friends give you that gift with questions.A good question, is the gift of a story.  You get to turn your life into whatever story you decide to tell.You are your storuesAs you exist, you will experience life’s ups and downs. Every moment is a possible story, if you choose to not only tell it, but remember error and recall it. You remember what you want, composed as a story, even if only in your mind.You really can spin it.When I leave a situation, I try to turn it into a story right away. How will I tell the story of this instant, five years from now. It will probably contain a punchline. What is the positive? What is the lesson.Experience tells us we learn from the bad stories, because we don’t want them to happen twice. So negative stories have a positive effect.No matter what happens in life, as tragic and horrific as it gets, in 10 tears time, the story we will be telling will be different. I choose to remember it that way now.That story replaces the memory that a drained will tell at my funeral.A negative story becomes a positive.It does however frequently annoy sobbing friends when I try to explain the concept at the wrong time.This is a power that can be used for evil. Once you realize there can be no consequences to what most people refer to as lies, your work can change to the dark side. A well crafted story of fiction you stick to has to be consideed as truth, and evil can easily abuse that.People in power have no doubt made up many lies and may sincerely belief them to get to, or stay in power.Power is addictive and nothing matters but sticking to the story, or changing it as needed to surviveAnd cobtrolTo win.  Victim vs masterHappy is healthyPerceived as hereditary.I am often aware of my negative thoughts nowPoutine vs negativePleasure feeling, yechyI have almost always wanted to be me. Brain governs the moodBad things happen when cell environment isn’tLove vs fearSociety is making people sickSunlight makes me happy If they say one “crazy” belief, it seems opinion on it all.Belief of healing. Sad makes me sick easierWe get sick when coldAdopted hereditySubconscious remains unconsciousHumans change environment to match usGenuineMore cloudLogo designPage 1 font size ulPhilosophy title top front pageSupport manualsMissing revisions              Greg BradenCounsellingI’m sitting in the waiting room for Amy, my new social worker councillor. It’ll be the first time in my life I’ve had somebody professional to discuss my life with, except for the psychiatrist that used to listen to me for 5 minutes and give me my meds.Dave’s goodbye dinner.Before bed last night, I smoked a teeny bit of weed and reflected on the day, and my stresses. Thoughts about the Keg came to mind and I wrote them down. Here are the notes that reflected about you, uneditted. This morning, it seems like it might have been over-dramatic, but I wanted to share it with you anyway. You are a great friend, and my guilt for not always being a good person comes up in my weed therapy sessions late at night.~~~I enjoyed a good day today. It’s a harsh way to think, but I believe it might have been a good bye day.My slightly older, overweight friend has hit his limit. He’s probably sicker than he let’s on, is unhappy, unhealthy, and tired.We had dinner at lunch time; a costly steak meal far above his budget. It was over $100, paid using cash and a gift card, at a time when neither of us can afford rent.During the meal, he let slip ; I’m on my way out. I won’t commit suicide, but –At that point, I changed the subject. It’s what I do to avoid anything negative or hard. I Jeff run away.Later, he commented that he thought I might not hear what he says. I said I do, but didn’t reference the down thoughts.I didn’t give it the respect. I moved on.I ignored it all.Now I am sad I didn’t give him that conversation with depth. It seemed like he was trying. I’ve got to come to grips the he will die before me, possibly soon, maybe tonight.He might have wanted to talk about it. We don’t usually. Dave and I don’t share feelings much. We are aware of them, but we don’t get deep often.I zeppelinedHe should probably get to read this. I’d feel better. I disrespect him too often. I don’t know why. I bully. I put him down and use him for mean humour both behind his back and to his face. Not just fat jokes, but others. Dave is an odd fellow, and I make him a punchline more than I should, especially since all my friends — and even me, are all odd fellows.I shame myself sometimes. I am mean, in ways I am infuriated when others do as I do.I belittleI always have sacrificed more for smiles.Not just Dave, but everyone. dave just has a bit more oddity to laugh at.I lose everyone eventually when it got too mean, or when they just give up on me.Bully humour is wrong, but so easy. It’s a shared emotion. A group laughs louder at the stranger’s banana peel fall, because it’s validated a bit by mob rules. Everyone is laughing, so it’s OK.Jimmy Kimmel made fun, so we can laugh at them. I hate that kind of humour – but I am guilty of it too.We all share a smile, and it ruins the victim’s day, a week, year, or life.Double rainbow guy will never be the same.I am most terrified of fame, because the society has decided anyone famous is fair game, and that includes innocent everyday citizens from anywhere, that happen to slip on banana peel on YouTube.If I am famous, people will laugh at the wrong things. People in the real world, bully joke. Mean for whatever reason. I’ve done it.I’ve sent an unsolicited mean tweet to a celebrity I truly love. I’m a huge fan and supporter, but I sent a stupid mean punchline tweet, that in retrospect, wasn’t even funny. I sacrificed manors for a joke that was horrible. Just mean.I don’t know why. I leak mean Sometimes.Was this to be an apology, or a whiny justification of who I am. WhaaaEverything comes down to self hate.End of part 1.An afterthough before sleep; I think I got distracted in my message before I got to the good parts, like if Don Rockles stopped before saying the nice things. I shifted back to being about me, not about my friend.I want to make sure this record includes how uber cool I think he is, and how it’s been a fantastic part of my life story, responsible for some if the best parts of me.The best stories, bar none. He is the reason I am me, equal to everyone important to me, or better.A true friend I can count on in a pinch, more than anyone. He knows my secrets and shows disapproval, but not negativity or judgements.He gives me more respect than I deserve, or reciprocate. His loss will be felt hard, and I will miss him more than I have yet experienced in life. An irreplaceable character, story king, in my heart.He is immortal.End of part 2Dave memoriesThe thunder Bay trip and the banana boxes that changed my lifeThe jokes that missedThe voices and the facesThe 99 cent tours, hitting all the dollar stores No anger moments come to mindHe is the only person I have in my universe, that I stopped trying to figure out, and enjoyed the ride.
• Tech tips
• End of part 3
• This has left me in awe at times.
• He has super powers of nerve I couldn’t comprehend at times. He just seemed to master not caring what strangers think, or at least not influence his actions.
• I never figured him out.
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• No real arguments
• Tuckers
• Our other trips
• The attempts to pull a line from pop culture hits and misses
• The stories
• The move in, and mis-hearing when I thought he said he was a tiody person, but meant he was not a tidy person.
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• I laugh at the guy slipping on a banana peel, even if he’s my best friend.
• I make punchlines
• I gossip
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• Still later, he admitted to not wanting to take the life saving meds. He didn’t like that haze.
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• Power of subconscious mind power techniques
• It was however, a neat video to watch.
• On the end, I don’t really know what he’s saying. I’m not sure affirmations are an answer for me., at least in the way he means. I may believe that a feeling and a thought process can help me change, I don’t believe the magic of it changing my universe the way he speaks.
• I want to understand and incorporate this idea into my own story of the universe, but so far, this video is not convincing me. The discussion is hard to comprehend, and trust means somebody is wrong. I’m afraid to belive because others will call me crazy. The power of society. Peer pressure.
• I am not sure I’m ready for Chakra talk. I understand many people love this energy stuff, but it loses me and my mind wanders. It’s not so much that I don’t bite it, or even want to understand, but it’s so foreign and vague, that I can’t quite wrap my head around it. It makes me sad that such a great discovery is still called hogwash by our society and science. To many, our world is still flat, and that’s all there is to it.
• I often believe I can feel other people’s emotions more than my own, and work new ideas into my philosophies, but I also don’t trust every belief. I may really think this guy is a bit wakado.
• In this first video, a man discusses a brief that the universe can be changed by thought, or emotion, and claims others have known and practice this for centuries. Our society is trained to dismiss faith healers as crazy, but. Y brain can’t deny that our universe is far more fascinating than we understand and the world was once killing people for saying it wasn’t flat.
• Nothing in the world is scarier than a new belief.
• There are answers in this world that I am not ready to hear, because they will exalt of time to process. I have spent time working on theories of the u inverse that allow for the supernatural, but I am afraid to go see a psychic just now.
• Greg Braden Interview notes
• Today, 3 weeks into my medication, I still have that blank “near tear”. When I’m not woking on the tasks I’m paid for, I get a weird cry feeling. Sadness looms.
• Some of the sadness of this job comes from guilt. Being paid $200 a week for 20 minutes labour, and the rest of my four hour day is spent looking busy. I don’t like that. The boss here has been very good to me, even after cutting 75% of my contract.
• I had another near tear moment at my day job today, and by day job I mean the one day a month I work in an office, doing work and trying to fit in as a real human with a regular office gig. This job used to be weekly, and pay my rent, but at the start of the new year I was layed off and reduced to one day a month. It started the inspiration for a lot of life change, including therapy for the first time ever, and medication to reduce my obsessive stress.
• Near Tear Moments
• Manuals
• Font it Luba line graph
• Art links
• Page title down a tad
• Used car hound
• Remove read more testimonials
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• Animals match environment
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• Cold is miserable
• Sick stays sick
• Nocebo .. Thought is environment.
• Placebo hiccup
• Sometimes it’s sad when a genius says too much.
• Smiles make me happy
• It’s a mindset to not let it
• Culture and society are very fear based
• Stress is a cancer
• Good things happen when cells are happy.
• You are the environment your cells live in
• Living against habbit
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• Comfort vs disvomfort
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• The control programing
• LSE from first 6 years environment before school. Full time with mom.
• Glad I watched in this order
• Better health description in first 3 minutes
• Second video
• The best story teller wins, and he the most toys.
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• And profit
• Once you realize the lie is the truth if people say it is, you are unstoppable.
• And does.
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• The stories are your truth.
• It can be a super power.
• You also get to leave behind the stories you’d rather not retell. You have that power.
• The opportunity to remember and spread a story, can inspire and educate a single person, a crowd, or a nation.
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• It started to exist, the moment we asked the question, and started telling stories.
• And retell.
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• A happy story can change your mind.
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• This is Google plus and hangiuts
• Plays, music, videos,
• Circle of friends.
• People you know, streaming whenever you wanted ut
• Organized virtual communities with scheduked
• Sermons
• With a range of free and paid options.
• Your gaming buddies.
• Not a chat room with strangers, but your friends from the bowling league, or your knitting club, or your book reading group. Your class, your club, your office or your shop.
• Instead of TV, join a circle at 2pm,7pm, 9pm and 2am.
• Chat rooms for your circles of friends.
• Frogstar circles church if stories. Bank of stories. Come in and make a withdrawal.
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• All it takes to change the world is to change the storues
• In my current life, I can quickly identify the story tellers among my circles.
• I remember the storytellers.
• I do not remember me childhood, but I do remember the highlights, because I remember them being told as stories.
• We partner up at work, at home, and at play, because life experience is better shared.
• Everything we are, is just the stories we tell, and retell.
• Our shows
• The origin storues
• The creators and keepers of the official stirue
• The respected.
• The best stories win.
• And our exoeriebces
• Each of us choses the stories we believe
• Our university exists, only as the stories we tell.
• A story two credible people agree an beyond a reasonable doubt, can have a man be killed, by law.
• A story is the truth, until a better story trumps it.
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• I have been trained and told I am lazy till age 20
• Everything is profound
• I respect myself
• I am lovable
• There is no answer to why I should not love myself.
• I have always said that.
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• I forgivr
• They become the fact
• Maybe affirmations are like stories.
• Doctors vs it guys. It’s all experienced guesswork. Not absolute.
• Unconscious training from my youth has made me think the negative scenarios?
• I do suck, regardless of how amazing I am.
• My unconscious / sub conscious doest believe it
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• But if we don’t believe he doesn’t exist to us.
• Even if it really is.
• The story is the fact.
• What we believe is real to us.
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• I need a partner to keep me on track.
• I dream of some occupations, talents, hobbies or jobs and don’t try.
• Other people are good at things.
• Potential depresses me because experience has taught me us just another way to fail. Thee are hard reasons why I fail. Real reasons. A. D. D. Excuses that affirmations may not trump.
• Know your hiccups are already gone.
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• Like an 80 year old who wears pajamas to the store.
• He can ask questions of strangers.
• For example, he can wear a shirt with a stain.
• I have a friend who does things I fear. I both respect him and am embarrassed by him. He can break the barriers I have trouble with freely, but he can also do things I’m shocked by. He can do things without the fear I press of my own image in the minds of others, or at least my perception
• Quit doing what you hate.
• Refraining life.
• You write your own story is a tough concept to grasp, so maybe reps are like the excersize
• If it works for some, so be it.
• I do believe that your mind can control your mood, and maybe make physical changes, but affirmation reps is just a trick, like drinking from the far side of a glass to cure hiccups.
• Crazy talk.
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• First letter jumpBook
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• Saturday adventures.
• City BingoGotta get a guyI’m jeffDo you have a guy?I can be your guyProblem solved.MediumThe medium used to be the message, but today the audience is the author.Reality TV now exustdOne man can be a churchEveryone is watched but they crave a bigger aufienceIf only for a 15 day exosionI remember chocolate rain more than whoever was the musical guest on SNL this week.  I don’t want to be famous.
• End of part 1
• I just want a few fans.
• Dark furn
• I dream of greatness and then deny it as evotustical and arrogant. I’m not confident enough to be comfortable with even the fantasy of success.
• I’m pleased when I’ve already seen what Hardwick or Tish make fun of this week.
• I will remember Double Rainbow guy forever and not remember who won last season on Survivor, idol, AGT or next top model.
• Except the ones that get famous unwllingly
• A lie travels fast
• Everyone has a truth
• Media is finally created by and received by both parties.
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• GittaGetAGuy.com
• Everybody needs a guy
• I’m a friendly computer guy
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• Magazine scam sales
• Now and then peopl
• People with time hang out at stores. Regular lingering conversations
• The wow factor
• I love this, except when you watch it with me
• Your opinion changes mibe
• You smile I smile
• Blowing out the candles covers the cake with spit germs
• I have always believed most religious people lie, and don’t believe the religion but say they do to gain the benefits of the church. A special level of lie takes it one step farther; Creation Museums etc.
• Two levels of stupid. The beliefe, and the sharing of the belief despite obvious opositions
• Shared joy is double. Shared sorrow is halfedGiveit100.com as a dating site.
• Cool way to tell if the power is out all around you. Your cell phone wireless won’t see the neighbourhood signals.
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• More forklift training ads than jobs.
• Huge money in milking the jobless
• Can’t find a job? Pay us to train and distract you for up to a year, and then worry about it.
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• Garbage bags
• Food garbage bags
• Urinal cakeSupermanWhy didn’t all criminals just move to another city. Why was there any crime in metropolis?Clark gets made and next day returns to daily planet as Mark Jones with a new pair of glasses. Nobody notices.I wonder what his sneeze would be like.    I feel guilty over giving others a hard time about depression.I feel like the waitress was cold toward me.I feel sad I won’t do my dreamsI feel like over tipping.Day JobIt is one of the oddest things I have to deal with in life. To sit at a desk in an office and find things to make me look busy. It’s hard, and oddly stressful. Doing nothing, for good money is a hard uncomfortable job. I don’t enjoy it.One day a week, I am under contract to show up at an office and sit down and the the available technical specialist. A contract I.T. guy for a day. My weekly tasks include back g up all the changes from the last week, and making sure everyone is running smoothly.The reality is this job takes about half an hour a week, but I bill 4 hours. This means I have to hang around and look busy.
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• I feel like making decisions is harder.
• The weight
• Talking about the spice at South Street burger is good enough for conversation. Not with asking for the time of a viewer.
• Low self esteem. In conversation useless talk is throw away. Nobody dwells, but monologues to a camera have to stand up. They have to be worthy. My brain constantly tell me I’m not. It makes videos a bit harder and I suppose it should. No idea wants useless videos.
• I still say guilt would be worse than Kriptonite. Crushing guilt for every death you didn’t stop. Or angry mobs.
• Other cities are pissed.
• Didn’t anybody ever spill a drink on Clark and ask why he was wearing blue tights under his shirt?
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• Ideas
• Google hangout orange shirt support.No redBanner consistentStore style Remove heaterProducts are returned.Man services headerHair services product link Coffee machineLuxe logos footerAfter of notLike likeNew Canadian money retains fingerprints. Big deal for crime. Follow the money. The stickiness makes you press harder.
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• Juice pics
• Tint product services typo
• Face gm products link
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• Beauty angel
• Light shower to red light therapy
• FAQ alignment
• Quarter pics of beds
• Buttons like luxe
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• Sink drano
• Tp
• ShampooOld addressDana
• Ideas
• Virgin
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• name religion Ferrin. We are Ferrin. Don’t worry. Be happy
• I think more when high. I avoid when straight. Opposite of the norm.
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• 2036 416 731 4946To do
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• Ideas
• Register orangeshirt. TV and whateverMovies
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• Red 2
• Pixar Planes
• Last Vegas
• About TimeReebok PB278Q
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• Vaughan mils
• 7500 lundys lane
• St jacobs
• MavisWhat I watch 2013King and MaxwellThe OriginalsLost GirlDaily ShowPerson of InterestNCISThis hour has 22 minutesSaturday Night LiveBig Bang TheoryAgents of S.H.I.E.L.DBonesThe Crazy OnesWho’s Line is it anywayThe SoupDoctor WhoRoyal PainsBeauty and the BeastCanada’s Worst DriverFranklin and BashSouth ParkSleepy HollowScandalOnce apon a TimeGrimm     Guide me through events, and film reactions. Lots of questions. I as quite high today, but alone. I video blogged and it was fun. With host I think it could be fun.12 hours and I’m still buzzed. 330am
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• If you make one, you get likes and fame. You can sell it.
• Put together social median volunteers for crew. One 12 high with me.
• Then get a different person to do it next, and repeat. For a few bucks you can have access to a hypnotised version of trace me.
• Give two cameras to paid friend, to film a documentary about me, on a medium high does of led?
• Documentary
• 184.146.118.225
• Global
• 3rathnelly
• Covert Affairs
• Community
• White Collar
• Survivor
• FACE OFF
• Perception
• Chelsea Lately
• The Tomorrow People
• Arrow
• Rizolli and Isles
• Mythbusters
• Key & Peele
• Tosh. 0
• Dragons Den
• Murdock Mystsries
• Michael J Fox Show
• Robot Chicken
• Rick Mercer
• NCIS LA
• CSI
• Brooklyn 99
• Supernatural
• Body of Proof
• Jimmy Kimmel Live
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• Walking in sync. A sidewalk syncs
• All the music in my ears has been perfect for saving.
• I hope I don’t forget that user cool moment where my brain was a camera. Tri0py cool. I wish I’d recorded itNotesThe Daily show their. Tomorrow is a new show. I can’t afford to worry about today’s. It’s old news.When you tell me you have exploding thoughts of xyz and I retell it back as kyt, the difference isn’t worth correcting me. The point is the concept of having obsessive thoughts, not what they are. I will never understand your obsessive thought, but I do understand the concept of having them.I was sad I couldn’t make that point clear without you being incensed about me misinterpretation of the thoughts you were describing. Upset, not incensed.I continued most of our conversations on in my head for hours.My point about not letting go the little things gs. The TV show where lady played with sugar packets. I suspect I could have argued that point for 45 minutes if I didn’t just let it go. You value your onions and ideas and don’t want to give up on the pride or joy of changing my mind. Sometimes that works. Sometimes not. Life moves pretty fast. You have pick and choose and let a lot slide. Don’t hoard opinions and ideas and arguments. Let some not make the cut.Please around you will be happier.Don’t try to control other people’s reactions and opinions. Their minds are as foreign to you as you belive your mind is to them worry about being who you want to be and your friends will dump you as needed. Existing in a role for the audience isn’t a happy life.The story I didn’t get to finish was that I grew up and older ND realized my shame of my girlfriend was wrong. Normal people didn’t see class. They saw a really cool smart, funny funky woman who was cool, and thought I must be cool too. Some of my happiest times were with her ND her equally cool friends. I was wrong.Global
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• Smtp
• Blank to
• Stationary
• Junk
• Toner
• RouterLegalization benefitsIf they lrgize weed, they’ll save minions in Hollywood, because they won’t have to try hard anymore. Crap is funny.Pizza Hut seniors DayOld people were eating in a crowd at Pizza hut. They were prepping the table beside us for 13 people, and I asked the waitress semi colon I made of lot of jokes.They didn’t start out loud and rowdy, but after 5 rounds of; “what did you say?” they got pretty loud.
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• Sink brush
• Electric remote plug
• Shorts
• Python
• Masking tape
• Electric tape
• Tide stain pen
• Tablet frames
• Shampoo
• Toilet brush
• PlungerAmerica’s Got TalentI was watching Nick Cannon when he realized, or was yelled at in his earpiece, did he just say, if you want to go to heaven, vote for these guys. I watched the facial expressions with my imagination filling in the voice in his head, his earpiece.I could see phones ringing everywhere, in a whole new juicy news byte. He just told everyone, if you want to go to heaven, vote for these guys. Everyone knew it was bad, instantly. It could be blown up huge if anybody wrote it to make us care.In my head, the office caught on fire, and decided to pretend everything is normal. I imagine life, way harder than it is.Thinking about awful things and scenarios can be an OK superpower. My what if powers can stunt excitement in any project. I can kill any mood.I watch life with my own DVD commentary and bonus material.I am eager to see if they come back positive and nobody noticed. Your heaven deciding vote is not AGT.UnpauseAugust drug trialsAs much as I would like to believe, writing a blog using my voice isn’t the solution to life the universe and everything. It works, but it takes so much concentration that I’m not slowing my words. Not showing my words? I remember what I said. I’m not flowing my words. I’m paying attention to the translation, and not the content.The technology isn’t good enough yet, to do voice translation without watching everything with a keen eye.I want to blog, but I’m to Highfield now. High for now.Type books
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• Wifi
• Cables
• Other printer
• Start 8
• New phones
• Hard drivesReality comedy vs contest.I like certainly types if reality programming. I like feeling I’m watching real reactions. Reality TV can be very educational, in that you discover a lot of people and personalities you would not otherwise meet, and watch them react to different situations. We are exposed to different races, classes, mental states and syndromes or disordered.I find a few shows entertaining enough yo follow. Way back in time, my first memories were candid camera and a network show, Real People with Sue Parell , or a similar name.Today, I am a fan if Survivor and Big Brother because we see extreme emotions and total mood roller coasters while we mind funk you with trust and lies and paranoia. Issues that will change you forever. Once you’ve broken your evil lying backstabbing Cherry, it’s easier.People deny themselves at first, but often learn harsh lessons, especially if they watch the edited version 5 month so later.Tonight, the reason for my “pause-n-blog” was season 20 of America’s Next Top Model. I’m not sure if I’ll stick with it, especially given its half men and half women this season, but in the past I have enjoyed young girls coping with crazy sudden stress. Friends for life, that all want you to lose.The reason I don’t watch some reality shows, is because some personalities and demographics have no interest to me, or the reactions are made fun of. Some comedy or superiority reality shows are unwatchable to me.I also don’t like groups or teams or couples because they tend to either fight, flirt or fuck. Sexy reality shows don’t interest me. It’s a whole theme that isn’t as relevant to me.It appears, tonight’s premier episode sets the tone. The hot 20 something pretty boys are all horney to meet the hot 20 something women. The entire season could be crush talk and flirt. Everything I enjoyed about the personal drama may be lost.I’ll give it to the end of the episode yo convince me.Unpause.   PauseI often wonder, when watching shows like this, how many of the clips we see were strategic scripted, or multiple take scenes. I wonder if contestants are asked to say or be, anything they’re not. I watch some private diary monologues and I don’t always believe them.I don’t know how fake any of those reality shows are, and I get a little frustrated when I happen across one of those articles that spoils it for me. The parts I enjoy are real enough.UnpauseThere have been 3 loud pops outside. I don’t know what gunshots sound like, but I don’t rule it out. I choose not to be scared, but wrote it down anyway. 10pm.Unpause.End mote. It was fireworks.I dumped show 30 minutes inWe’ll see.UnpauseTalking to strangersStrangers don’t talk to be randomly, so I am never sure how they react when I do. I wonder. Is talking to strangers a source of smiles, or is it scary? Am I intruding on them?It’s usually casual. I just make a punchline of the situation and get a smile or a laugh. A shared experience in an elevator or waiting on line.Today I had a full plate of various meat in front of me at a buffet lunch, and added one single broccoli leaf. I commented to the stranger next to me; mother would be proud, as I pointed to the lobe vegetable on my plate.It wasn’t a great joke, and although a friend might have chuckled, a stranger may have thought it quite odd. They don’t know me or my mother. Why was I talking to them.Oh well. I’ll still continue. A stranger us just a friend I haven’t met yet.WhoWhodunnitI found myself watching the fourth episode of a show I’m not prou& to admit to; Whodunnit.As is often the case, I find myself thinking about it on another level. Why are the contestants of a reality show, acting very poorly, like this storyline is reality. A bunch of random strangers gather together in a home for a wee or two, and every day/episode, one gets sent home. It’s a common and easy to grasp formula for reality shows. This us the only show I know of, where the contestants are treating the situation as if it were real. As if 12 strangers are invited to a mansion, and each day, a mad killer among them kills another. It’s up to the rest of them each day to solve the murder. A butler hosts, and I strongly suspect he will end up being the killer, not one of the guests.It occurred to me that I was over thinking it. I’m sure each contestant was simply told to treat it as real. Much like we’re told to treat our own murder mystery parties.So once I accept the bad acting is real and sincere, but the rest of the game is more genuine, I can’t help but wonder why they are so dumb.They don’t seem like dumb people, and I am hesitant to blame editing, because all the investigation the group does is solely narrated by the people. They know what I know, but wander around aimlessly drawing irrational conclusions.If I add to the equation that the people are all in competition to solve the crime with the most details, and the least educated account us killed, then I understand why it doesn’t seem real.If you were to ever find yourself locked in a mansion with a killer, the group would probably be working together to save everyone. If you walk into a crime scene looking for clues, you share. On a TV show for cash, you act dumb, and share nothing. It all makes sense now.I can continue to watch.      Have an email e change report at end of day or start if day.Never ever yell.   I am excited by the idea of changeI complain.I complainI adaptI am happyUnpause.TabletI used an Android tablet to write a journal entry tonight. It was the fastest thought to text I’ve experienced in a while. Afterwards, I send an instant message to a friend. It made me think I should consider chat online again, as an alternative to TV before sleep.Start with people I already chat with I the day.Stacey 2
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• End of part 1
• I confess ed.
• This is my norm. Once avatar washed jeans. I should point out, I don’t wear anything other than these jeans, e be ry time I leave the house.
• I have wished them once.
• Ok. I own one pair of jeans. I have had them over a year, maybe two.
• It is just me. Suddenly I am terrified to confess.
• I have second thoughts. It’s a possible life charger. Mine. I might be forced into normality and start doing the thing I avoid.
• Blink
• Tonight I’m going to tell you something about me that I don’t often share. A secret many men know, and women can’t believe.
• You have to adapt, ignore and go on eating like you did the day before.
• Some new lessons can effect you deeply. You can’t unknown things. One such example is food. I know I was much happier before I saw a video on chicken bits and weiner innards. Media convinces us no food is good for you but all food is good for you. But when it shows you veal cows and chicken farms and part time student labour, it can scare you off eating.
• Now, thanks to the Internet and on demand video, a lot of kids are learning truths out if our traditional age brackets. Kids can see port and death at age 2.
• As a baby, everything is new, and when we ask questions, we are either told a simplified truth, or an outright lie. As we grow, we learn about lies. The things we held most dear, like free gifts and chocolate, and cash under the pillow. We learn our parents make shit up.
• You may have experienced the frustration from learning too much. As we grow in age and maturity, throughout the process, we learn how the world works and we lose a bit more of the magic we viewed as life in our youth. To any people, relations can change their whole life.
• There are many secrets that men keep from women. I’m going to expose one, and hope to god, other men admit it, and not the only one.
• Jeans
• ZEPPELIN
• Every so often, I think about going into business with one or more and work together. But I don’t.
• I have a number of friends, who have a small income and could use more cash. I am in that group. I’ve given up a lot of the luxuries I lived with in my 30s boom. From huge condo to single basement without ac, dishwasher, indoor parking, and the washer and dryer cost 2.50 a load.
• Stacey
• I am excited by the idea of change.
• I like
• I accept
• I change.
• I hate change
• Me:
• Allow instant message communication
• Make final decisions and put up with my whining.
• I prefer not to be reprimanded vocally, since I’d rather not be caught crying
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• Have short term and long time plans.
• Pose everything as a question. Request by sms and expect replies. I work best with obligations and responsibilities than to do lists.
• Give me two tasks at once. I can flip and ignore the hard one.
• I believe there may be tricks.
• If I’m the boss and you’re the manager, I believe we will have problems, because I can just say no, or put it off.
• How to work with me
• Unpause
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• Unpause
• My suspicion was correct, and the first event of the show is just macho and horney talk. Like a high school sitcom.
• I suspect, but do not know, the world of modeling is made up of women with great confidence, and women with little or no confidence. One you have to tell is pretty and ones who know it. They each can succeed and fill different roles in the industry. Some will do what they’re told, and some will build empires.
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• Ideas for biz. I believe my mind and ideas and writings and/or video abd/or personality could make money. Marketing me in some way as a personality online. Either serious or funny. Support, q and a, theories, politics, opinions. I believe my take on life and everything is of value. I have a hidden egotism of confidence that only comes out when I toke a teen
• Ideas for biz. I believe my mind and ideas and writings and/or video abd/or personality could make money. Marketing me in some way as a personality online. Either serious or funny. Support, q and a, theories, politics, opinions. I believe my take on life and everything is of value. I have a hidden egotism of confidence that only comes out when I toke a tiny bit of weed. Video computer tips. I have dozens. Stage 2 – sell training videos. I used to teach, and had many fans. Stage 3 – orange shirts. Huge project Stage 4 – coloured shirt support in anything that comes to your home. Rated and reviewed, trained orangeshirt, green shirt, blue shirt, etc. Plumbing, piano tuning, violin teaching, racoon killing. — I’m 50 now, and I’ve got an opinion video. Ask wonko Comedy scripts Community theatre Bix.ChelseaSometimes, I feel guilty over laughing at comedy. A lot if it us mean. The mean stuff often makes me laugh, despite the understanding that a real person is the button if the joke.On Chelsea Lately just now, they ripped Whitney Houston apart, comparing her to a back woods Southern hillbilly, and then made 3 mean jokes about the gap in her teeth.Now all I know about Whitney Houston’s daughter now, is that she has a gap in her teeth.Stand up, especially topical nightly late night stand up, is more often than not, attacking somebody, and sometimes it’s somebody famous, or a politician, but often it’s a regular person, who appears in a photo or clip, and then becomes the punch line for over a million people.TV often gets its biggest laughs by putting somebody else down. By being a bully.I confess, through much of my life, I have done the same. Even after I realised my humour was often mean, and worse than in TV, I made the jokes about you, to you. I often go for the punchline with meanest.It’s the thing I hate most, and fear, about myselfTV rewards me, and I laugh, but these days, I will stop, and instead divert my thoughts to the victim. A visual image if how they might feel hearing this and possibly experience related behaviour change from everyone.One joke can literally be life changing.I might try to keep track.In pause.ThoughtsI pvr a few shows with one save or two so I always have last night’s, but not fill up hd. Robot Chicken, and TMZ, ColbertCanada has seen a lot if rainthis summer. We sell a huge amount if bottled water to other regions. What if it’s raining back to balance what we shipped away.Rain is our earth’s filtration system.Chelsea Lately is good for the panels because we see them as regular who seem to be real. And friends.Robot ChickenRobot Chicken is an amazing tool. It is a crash course in retro pop culture, ideal for learning nine enough about anime, kids shows and toys to appear competent at a fan or comic con.Windows tips
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• Search
• Cleanup before scan
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• Doctor
• CheckupIe notesRight clickShift linkRestore tabHomeRestore previousGoogle toolbarShare toPrivate modeAlt menuctrl fCtrl lAddress on taskbar Trl shift t restore tabPrayers are brain wavesOnly a select few are read, like a lotterySome prayers are answered every dsyPsychic can teadOpen generic gets audience to think of uncle with l
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• Two sets of d&a.
• 8112
• I hate shared back benches. The ones at my pizza hut move with every motion.
• Story without conflict
• They have a pact
• If psychics were real, ad good useful the world would change and people would panic. Safer to be obscure
• Then I can read the tnoughts
• If you think
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• Petitions of mass prayer hey jestd
• What if they arrive like letters to a celebrity
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• Tabs ctrl 1
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• F5 ctrl f5
• Shift tab
• F11
• Win d
• Half screen
• Desktop shortcuts
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• Carl link
• Fav bar and folders
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Is it passive or aggressive? I;m Orange Jeff, and this is an Orange Shirt STory I foresee possible futures and the bad stories effected more than just me. Your universe always begins NOW