I say that I’ve lived most of my life trying to be perfect so that no one would yell at me and in doing so I probably make more mistakes then the average person which I can attribute partially to ADHD. But it’s clear that no one is perfect and every now and then I catch myself doing something I might consider evil. Or at least not goody two-shoes. 

In my previous blog I said that I am intentionally letting people down and being unreliable and generally being not very nice to a friend and I justified it by saying I didn’t want to be a close reliable friend because that might get taken advantage of either intentionally or because having a nice reliable friend would be a new thing to her and might be somewhat irresistible. I struggle with that because obviously I like being liked and developing a relationship of not being nice contradicts my purpose. And here I am blogging about it to feel better. 

I’ve been pretty successful living life without regrets and in those cases where I have things to regret I’ve been equally successful at forgetting about them so they’re not always included in my story. When I consider both possibilities of how I treated this person I think I’m satisfied with my choice. I’m not evil and really not even mean. All I did was cancel plans for arguably legitimate reasons. In her life, that’s probably far more common than people keeping their plans although perhaps that say assumption that’s not fair. 

I have to decide whether the relationship is a tease that I should end or whether I’m comfortable with using someone as an activity partner is actually leading them on in some way. I may be overthinking an afternoon of activities has anything more than a mutually beneficial way to spend 4 hours in an otherwise dull life for both of us. I’m just too lovable. Grin