I have a strange relationship with the upper brain functions that work indpendantly without my full awareness sometimes.Its very hard to explain, because I don’t fully understand it myself, but at times it seems to be the guardian of certain thoughts an actions that guides me way from things. Yesterday I am blaming it for the concept of sabotage with my relationship with the owners of the house in which I live. It was my first day in four months or more i had not used. My first full day without even the slightest of table scraps or side-pipe smoked that maintains my mood, focus and productivity. I was plessed with how the morning went. I completd all my chores normally. It seemed like it was going to work  out well.

After the walk up the hill at the end of the morning routine, I came nto the bedroom, lay on the bed, and didn’t wake up till this morning.

In truth, I woke up several times but I am blaming my brain’s upper logic for allowing me the awareness of the cncequences and letting me fall back into sleep ech time, rather than get up an at the vey least, tell the house the situation and then go back to sleep, or at the best, get up long enough to perform the night shuft of simple chores before returning  to slumber. They were not hard chores and could easily have been accomplished.

Now it’s much worse. I have  to admint I slept through them to the woman that already has a lower impression of my abilitiess than normal because she is only responsible for these duties as an occasional worker, and this will be my seceond failre on her shift. Two failures that have never happened before to a superior only watching three weeks a year is a hard pattern to convince her it’s not a regular occurance. I knew this, and yet chose to sleep anyway.

I can believe my brain knew this, and chose to allow it because it shows my incompitence jsut enough to justify my disabled status and not give me additioanl reponsabilities or leave me abandonned looking for a new place to live. Evil sneaker upper brain.

Or I am me all along and I can blame me for being evil and sneaky, even though it didn;t feel intentional.

Like I said, my brain is evil and sneaky at times.

Maybe the confromtation won;t be as bad as I imagine. She does an almost yell mood when she’s mad, suppressing anger intentionally is a hard task and it bugs me… but we’ll see how the morning plays out. I kind of hate myself already for being sleep on the job. I won’t throw the dugs under the bus for fear she’ll want to cut that luxury off. I will do my best not to mention how bad a cigareete habit is.