More like a gray. I am constantly worried about what I will do with my days when the ADHD brain decides my new obsessive hobby activity is no longer holding my interest. It’s one of the most famous traits the TikTok crowd likes to post about. The people who spend huge bucks on the farm of the month, and then totally abandon it the next month leaving closets full of equipment they may never touch again.

That’s never been a problem for me for a few reasons. Even during the days when I had more money, I never really had that kind of throw away money. But mostly because I wasn’t really a hobby person. I never had the patience to stick with anything once I figured out the effort that would be involved and compared it against the likelihood that I would ever be good enough at it for shame to give way to pride.

That second barrier kept me from so many things. Unless I knew I could be good enough to share my hobby, I preferred not to try.

That’s still a major factor that holds me back today. I never learned an instrument because it was hard, and I wasn’t perfect right away.

AI has changed that and allowed me to be perfect enough without the usual learning curve or tedious practice. I’m already a computer guy with no fear, so now I’m a musician and a programmer and it might actually be the first time I’ve had anything close to a hobby I’ve stuck with for months.

My ADHD medication made a huge difference too, and it has enabled me to focus for more than an hour at a task. Many days I finish up my morning farmhand duties and come into my bedroom and work continuously until it’s dark outside. A few times I keep working until it’s light outside again and I have to feed the chickens again.

It’s an enjoyable way to fill days that otherwise would be empty and uneventful, which is a strange kind of hell. Idle time can be very depressing for me, especially our in the mountains with no money or car or friends.

Creating things with AI is fun and it keeps my brain active. It gives me pride even if I’m not sharing too much. I have my YouTube and TikTok galleries that get just enough attention to know it’s not all useless crap. The bonus is, none of it is hard labour 

But it does rely to some extent on the judgement influencing power of the smoke of the cloud. The ADHD medication that is decriminalized here in BC but still not the brand a doctor might prescribe. When I’m low on that exhale magic, doubt creeps in and I lose the confidence that it helps with.

Luckily I’m not out yet… Just low and rationing but when the mood sways and I’m still in bed at noon, I know it’s close by and the afternoon will blow away my negativity at least one or two more days.

That’s tomorrow’s problem. A song I wrote using AI that is relevant to my experience. I love that new ability.