I talk about the wall of tomorrow frequently to anyone who will listen. It refers to how I handle negativity and problems in life. I live a life where I follow the simple philosophy of ignoring problems until they go away. I throw negativity and problems over the wall of tomorrow.

It’s bulging but the carbon fiber is still holding for today. I always say, if it’s going to be bad, of prefer it to be bad in the future. I might die first and win.

The thing about this philosophy is that a bit of worry hits me in waves when my mind is idle sometimes, especially in those moments where it looks like the wall is weakening. At any given moment, the wall could leak out some bad news or burst completely, forcing me to actually deal. Some things I can keep avoiding over and over but I am aware the day may come for any of them to reach a stage where I must eventually react.

I frequently find myself thinking; oh oh. I’d this the one? Is this the back pain that will be with me forever. Is this the debt that can’t be ignored?

Tonight I felt like, oh oh. Is this my drug problem catching up with me? I have been going to the bathroom every few minutes to shit. I’ve been constipated a lot and diarrhea is the common end to that loop, but this is my first day alone on the farm alone so it got my thinking I hope it’s not serious.

I spiraled a little with scenarios of worst case scenarios. Writing this blog helped a little. I wrote it while watching Saturday Night Live and it seems to have passed. The wall of tomorrow is holding.

The poop loop resets and behind a new rotation. I’m out of drugs so who knows what other reactions I’ll have over the next few days.