I’ve been experiencing more short moments of unhappiness lately. There easily distracted from so they don’t build into a full-on depression. There are certain things in my life that I know are not ideal and if I spend time thinking about them they would approach depression
My antidepressant medication keeps that from happening for the most part but it doesn’t get rid of the fact that those items still exist. Some of them are in my head or some of them are exaggerated in my head but others are specific and clear. I don’t have money to do things and I don’t have the motivation for the most part to do things. Living with other car on a farm no people and crap the internet.
I’m not keeping up with the AI as quickly as I want because it’s very fast in what comes out new and my computer doesn’t have the supreme power that some of the really cool things would require. I’m constantly juggling money and not buying things because of it which is a good thing but a bad thing.
I did another hey run of 80 bales to nearby customers today and I was exhausted really early. It was an embarrassing failure and I didn’t really have a good reason for it except perhaps that I haven’t been eating as well as usual because for unspeakable reasons my sister is not doing well but we don’t talk about it so I don’t know if she’s really sick or just depressed or what the case is but it means that she hasn’t been cooking so 7 days a week lunch and dinner I’m having sandwiches. The same sandwiches which is not usually a problem when I have at least one or two good meals a week but it is a change in my body and probably significant enough to affect my strength lifting bales of hay.
